Totally Bizarre
by Cherry-sama
Summary: Long ago, a fatal error was made. Join Link as he ventures across the Great Sea, his future slowly unravelling into chaos. If there is one thing to say about this fic...it's Totally Bizarre! Critiques welcome.
1. Chapter 1: Breaking Bad Habits

**Totally Bizarre! (Welcome ladies and gents! …Actually…just ladies…because, seriously, how many guys do you see reading fanfiction?) - Edit: Apparently I had more male readers than I thought. :P  
**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Legend of Zelda: the Winder Waker. But if you thought I did, then I think you should see a doctor. I also don't own any blue fairies. Though I wish I did.**

* * *

Cherry-sama: Greetings!

Link: You've got to be kidding me.

Cherry-sama: What?

Link: Haven't you written enough fanfics already? And _how _many of them have been completed?

Cherry-sama: Oh, shut up. People should be reading the fanfic, not the author's notes.

Link: Then why do you write them?

Cherry-sama: Shh!

**_

* * *

_**

_**What would happen if Cherry-sama decided to break format?  
**__Wonder no more! Wait, WHAT? I'm sorry. I have no idea what she's on about…_

**

* * *

**

(A tapestry flashed onto the screen.)

This is but one of the legends of which the people speak...

**(What looked like a blue ball of light floated in front of the taspestry.)**

Long ago, there existed a kingdom where a golden power lay hidden. It was a prosperous land blessed with green forests, tall mountains, and peace.

"Whoa," the blue ball said, "What am I doing here?"

Shut up, I'm doing the intro. Ahem. But one day, a man of great evil found the golden power and took it for himself. With its strength at his command, he spread darkness across the kingdom.

**(A different tapestry flashed onto the screen.)**

"Some intro," the ball huffed, "Are you being super ambiguous on purpose?"

Navi! Shut up for a second! If that's even possible…

"Well, I'm sorry if I'm interrupting your boring monologue."

BUT THEN, when all hope had died, and the hour of doom seemed at hand... a young boy clothed in green appeared as if from nowhere. Wielding the blade of evil's bane, he sealed the dark one away and gave the land light.

"Wait, what?" the blue fairy, named Navi, blurted out, "That's not how it happened!"

**(Another tapestry appeared on screen.)**

This boy, who traveled through time to save the land, was known as the Hero of Time. The boy's tale was passed down through generations until it became legend...

"Passed down incorrectly, apparently," Navi huffed.

If you don't mind.

"But you're telling it wrong!" Navi said, "**I **was the Hero of Time! Not Link!"

**(The fairy looked around.)**

"Where is he, anyway?" Navi asked.

**(A different tapestry covered the screen.)**

But then... a day came when a fell wind began to blow across the kingdom. The great evil that all thought had been forever sealed by the hero...once again crept forth from the depths of the earth eager to resume its dark designs.

"What is this?" Navi asked "You're personal slideshow?"

THE PEOPLE believed that the Hero of Time would again come to save them... But the hero did not appear.

"Well, that's because I was in hibernation. Duh," Navi said.

If you don't mind.

"Yes I do."

Besides. Fairy hibernation? Who's ever heard of THAT before?

Navi looked at her fingernails, "Actually—"

FACED by an onslaught of evil, the people could do nothing but appeal to the gods. In their last hours, as doom drew nigh, they left their future in the hands of fate. What became of that kingdom? None remained who knew.

**(Another tapestry flashed on screen.)**

"So, when are you going to tell them that this is actually third in a series of fanfics?"

NAVI!

"What?"

Now look what you've done! You've scared all the readers away!

"Readers?" Navi blinked, "People actually want to _read_ the crap you write?"

Oh, be quiet.

"Okay," Navi sighed, "Since the authoress is so intent on leaving you in the dust, I guess I'm going to have to explain everything."

No! Navi!

**(Navi pointed to a speaker on the ceiling.)**

"See that up there?" Navi asked, "That's the intercom. We are currently in a film studio, recording the fanfic based film called 'Totally Bizarre'. Now, this is where the narrator's voice comes from. This is actually hooked up to a sound proof office room somewhere in the studio."

Navi! Don't say anything more—

"However, she's actually been narrating for this series of fanfics, that she wrote, for quite some time," Navi continued, "But, she dropped this project after Totally Whacked sequel, and picked it up again, two years later."

Sure, go ahead. Tell them my _whole _life's story while you're at it.

"Anyway, as you can predict, the number of readers dropped dramatically," Navi sighed, "So, that's why she's trying to trick you guys into thinking that this is the first in the series, instead of the third."

BUT, since I technically killed off the main character in the previous fanfic's epilogue, you don't really need to read the other two to get 90% of the jokes in this fic.

"You 'technically' killed him off?" Navi raised an eyebrow, "How can you 'technically' kill someone off."

I killed the character, but I rehired the actor. He's one of the stunt doubles now! :D

"Uh-oh," Navi paused.

What?

"Nothing," Navi said.

Anyway, can I get back to my script?

"Fine."

Ahem. The memory of the kingdom vanished, but its legend survived on the wind's breath. On a certain island, it became customary to garb boys in green when they came of age.

**(The sound of rustling papers came from the intercom on the ceiling.)**

"And what is with those bolded and bracketed sections of text?" Navi asked, "Seriously, they're distracting."

It's so that if anyone ever ACTUALLY wants to make a movie based on my fanfics, they can easily change the narrative format to script format!

**(Navi glared at the intercom.)**

"You're lying," Navi said.

I'm not lying!

"Yes, you are."

No, I'm not.

"Oh come now."

Oh…oh… OKAY! FINE! The reason I have that bolded and bracketed format is because, even in it's early days, this fanfic has been directly based off the game's script. And I was too A.D.D. to change the descriptions from the bolded and bracketed format from the script my sister typed up!

"That's better."

**(Silence.)**

Clothed in the green of fields—

"So, now that you're older, why don't you just lose the format?"

Is it really that distracting?

"Yes."

Okay, fine. From now on, I shall ditch the bolded and bracketed sections, and just have them like regular text.

**(Somewhere, the editor cheered.)**

Okay, that last section didn't count.

Navi rolled her eyes, "_Surrreeee…_"

Ahem. Anyways…

"Can you get rid of those pesky chapter questions too?" Navi asked, "They ruin most of the good jokes."

Eh, sure. While I'm at it, might as well.

"Thank you."

Anyway, clothed in the green of fields, they aspired to find heroic blades and cast down evil. The elders wished only for the youths to know courage like the hero of legend...

"I wonder if anyone actually paid attention to the narration?"

Probably not.

* * *

Cherry-sama: Chapter one! And, I must say, it's good to be back! n.n

Navi: So, wait, is he the Ocarina of Time Link, or the Wind Waker Link?

Link: I'm the Ocarina of Time Link. The one that got hired as a stunt double.

Cherry-sama: I haven't hired the other guy yet. He'll arrive next chapter.

Navi: Ugh.

Link: What?

Navi: Remember what happened to the _last _stunt double?

Link: _(is worried) _No?

Cherry-sama: Hush! No Totally Messed or Totally Whacked related jokes!

Link: Ugh… Please review…


	2. Chapter 2: Bazookas and Dynamite

**Chapter 2! (Oh ho ho, and you thought you had gotten rid of me. :D)**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Legend of Zelda: The Wind Waker, in any way. Well, except that I own a copy of the game. But besides that, I don't own it. I also don't own any of the military arms mentioned here. Or Fritz the seagull, protector of the skies. He's a running gag with mah _buuuuuud_.**

* * *

Cherry-sama: Hello there! And welcome! Welcome back to Totally Bizarre! Or TB for short!

Link: _(gasps)_ Tuberculosis?

Cherry-sama: No!

Navi: Sheesh, another acronym? When are you going to learn that those are just symbols of your laziness?

Cherry-sama: Shut up.

Toon Link: Hey guys! I'm not sure if I'm at the right studio but I'm a hired actor for a fanfic. Totally Bizarre, I think it's called.

Cherry-sama: Yup! You're at the right place! Hope you enjoy it here!

Navi: Run while you still can.

Toon Link: O.o

Aryll: Please read the fanfic, not this load of crap.

_

* * *

_**_What would happen if Aryll—oh, right. I'm not supposed to do these anymore._  
**_I hope Cherry-sama is willing to give me a backstage job like she did with that other actor for Link…_

* * *

Inside a rustic house, a blonde girl peered out of the window. She examined the landscape. Her eyes scanned the landscape a second time. And then her eyes traveled over the terrain a third time, just for good measure. An old woman walked up behind her.

"Aryll, dear, don't be ridiculous," the woman sighed.

"Ridiculous?" Aryll stepped away from the window, "It's this whole dang world that's ridiculous…"

"Now, Aryll, I'm serious," the woman sighed, "The seagulls are not out to get you. You can just go outside like a regular child—"

"Don't say that word in this house ever again!" Aryll gasped.

"But, Aryll," the old woman sighed, "It's not that big a deal! The seagulls are harmless. Now, can you go and get your brother?"

"Wait…" Aryll paused, "Is onii-chan outside? With _them!_"

"Well," the old woman paused, "Yes, he is. And he is perfectly safe. Run along and fetch him."

The little girl ran up to the woman and grabbed her collar.

"You left him outside with _them?_" Aryll shook the woman, "Grandma, are you insane?"

"Aryll, please!"

The small girl rushed over to a drawer, and pulled out a green army helmet. She slapped it on her head, and buckled the strap beneath her chin. She rushed upstairs, and pulled a belt of bullets out of a drawer and slung it over her shoulder. She hoisted a machine gun down off the wall.

"The world will never be safe," Aryll said fiercely, "as long as _they _are out there."

She ran to the ladder and slid down. Then kicked the front door open.

"Aryll!"

Aryll slammed the door shut and dove into the bushes outside the house. From her army pouch she pulled out a red telescope and put it to her eye. Turning the telescopic tube skyward, she squinted into the eyepiece. As she predicted, a line of seagulls flew in a V-formation. Aryll adjusted the zoom on her telescope and focused on the talons of the gulls. In each orange claw a stick of dynamite fizzled. A subtle movement of the telescope and the focal point turned to the seagulls' heads. Each one wore a small green army hat. They were prepared for battle.

"They've come," Aryll put the telescope away.

Aryll looked ahead of her. The beach stretched before her. She made note of the familiar terrain, calculating the optimum path. Her destination lay on the eastern island: the lookout tower. There was nowhere to hide. Nowhere to take cover. There was only one thing she could do.

Aryll leapt from the bushes and took off in a full-tilt run across the land. The leader of the seagull formation let out a cry. She set her jaw and put on an extra burst of speed. She was halfway across the beach. She could hear the rustling of their feathers as they dove. A loud explosion went off behind her. Risking a glance at the sky, she saw them tilt their wings as they came down for another attack. Two more explosions went off behind her.

She dashed across the bridge. Another explosion took out a segment where she had been seconds before. Splinters of wood rained down on her. The lead seagull gave another cry. Aryll charged up the hill. She kept count in her head of the explosions. They had to run out of ammo some time.

Another explosion went off behind her, closer this time. The blast sent her flying forward. She put out her hands to break her fall and then turned the motion into a roll. She grabbed her gun and fired some random shots at the seagulls as they flew over her. Pushing herself up she ran to the base of the ladder. The seagulls were coming in for a second wave.

Some sticks of dynamite splooshed in the water on either side of her as she began to climb. Some tried to slash at her as they flew past—in the air she was vulnerable, it was their territory.

She reached the top. She dove within the safety of her base of operations. Using her telescope she scanned the interior of her base for sabotage. There was no damage to the left. And to the right…negative. Directly ahead, a reflective surface was shining light into her telescope. She lowered it from her eye.

"Onii-chan, your bald spot is showing," Aryll said.

"Ugah!" two arms covered the reflective surface desperately, "I thought by sleeping under a roof would stop the sun from shining on it."

Target secured, she thought to herself, and unharmed. His blue shirt was unwrinkled and the white crawfish emblem was crisp and clean. Not a tear in his orange pants. Trust her brother to wander out into the dangerous world without putting on proper camouflage gear.

He stood up and yawned, "Say, Aryll, what are you doing here anyway—"

"ONII-CHAN, GET DOWN!" Aryll yelled.

Aryll tackled her brother, and pushed his head down to make him duck. There was a loud explosion. Smoke filled the air, and Link coughed like crazy. He heard Aryll cough a couple times as the smoke swirled around them.

When the smoke cleared, Link saw that half the lookout tower had been blown off. His jaw dropped. Aryll stood upright.

"Dang, I just repaired that yesterday," Aryll pondered.

Link attempted to speak, however, he wasn't able to formulate words. Crawling along the floorboards, Aryll crept up to the railing and pulled out her telescope. She scanned the horizon. The seagulls were coming back with another wave. She leapt to her feet, pulling out her machine gun. She didn't hold back.

"Take that, Seagull Scum!" she hollered over the rat-tat-tat of the machine gun fire.

Link shrunk into a corner.

"The structure up here might not be stable anymore," Aryll shouted as she reloaded, "Head down ahead of me. And for the Goddesses' sakes, don't get hit!"

Link finally managed to formulate a sentence, "Why dothose birds have dynamite _anyway!_"

"There's no time for that, onii-chan!" Aryll shouldered her gun and dashed to Link's side.

"Aryll," Link said with exasperation, "How many times have I told you not to get me involved in your single-handed war with the seagulls?"

Aryll pointed to the ladder, "Down the ladder, onii-chan! Go, go, go!"

"But—"

"Move! Move! Move!"

Link sighed. He resignedly headed to the ladder.

"Too slow!" Aryll cried, "Look out!"

Link felt Aryll's foot plant squarely in his back. He gave a cry and fell through the air as another explosion went off. Seagulls whizzed by him as he fell. He could smell the smoky scent of dynamite wicks burning. Rapid machine gun fire followed after them. He hoped that Aryll was trying not to hit him. He hit the water with a splash. He flailed to the surface, coughing.

Aryll landed on the dock beside him, having jumped from above. She fired some more shots into the air.

"What are you doing, onii-chan?" Aryll snapped, "Take cover! Take cover!"

"But the gulls don't attackanyone but you!" Link replied, treading water.

"Shore! Now!"

Link swam to the shore and began dashing down the beach. He wanted to get away from the crossfire as soon as possible. Another barking order from Aryll came from up the beach. Link dove into a nearby bush. He listened to the sounds of battle resignedly. Water dripped from his hair. He fidgeted with a leaf. Eventually it would stop.

Aryll hopped over the bush and landed beside him. She crouched down and parted the leaves, peering through.

He looked at her, "Did you get 'em all?"

She pulled a grenade from her pouch. She pulled the pin out with her teeth.

"Not even close. I'm just trying to keep you alive."

Link rolled his eyes, "They're not even after me…"

Aryll glared at him, "Well, you're _welcome_, onii-chan."

Link sighed, "Thank you, Aryll."

"They're coming in for another attack," she muttered, "Hold your ground. I got this."

Link glanced at her, the grenade clutched tightly in her hand.

"Wait for it, wait for it…and…"

Aryll leapt to her feet and hurled the grenade with all the might in her tiny arm. Link covered his ears and ducked his head down. The grenade exploded a little too close for comfort. A squawk followed, and he saw the formation scatter. Feathers floated down from above.

"Yeah!" Aryll pumped her fist, "I got him! I got Fritz! Their squad leader!"

Link lowered his hands from his ears. He blew a feather off of his shoulder.

"Does this mean they'll leave for good?" Link asked hopefully.

Aryll wiped her chin, "No, they've just gone to regroup. Once they've gotten themselves organized again, they'll be back."

Link sighed, "Oh."

"Now that the lookout's out, I'm going to have to use that precious time to rebuild," Aryll said.

"Speaking of the lookout, why did you come and wake me up to the sound of machine gun fire?" Link rubbed his temples, "I was trying to sleep."

"Do you remember what day it is today?" Aryll asked.

Link had his eyes closed. Now that the excitement had passed, drowsiness was coming over him again.

"Gah, don't you fall asleep on me," Aryll huffed, "You don't even remember what day it is today."

"What day is it?" Link muttered.

Aryll smacked him over the back of the head, "Onii-chan, it's your birthday!"

"Ouch!" Link snapped, "Wait, what?"

"It's your birthday, soldier," Aryll grinned.

Link's face lit up for a second, but then he remembered what Aryll got him _last _year.

"I have a present for you," Aryll said, "I came out here mainly to keep you from dying, because Grandma has a present for you, too. She's been waiting for a while now… It's a good thing I came to find you. It's safe to move about now, so go see her."

Link paused, "Why do you call me 'big brother' in Japanese, but you call her Grandma in English?"

"You should probably go home and see what Grandma wants, don't you think?" Aryll asked.

Link stood up, "Well, I guess so, but—"

"Onii-chan! Get to the house! Now!" Aryll hollered.

Link leapt to his feet and saluted.

"Dismissed," Aryll barked, "And don't you go A.W.O.L. again, you hear me?"

Link nodded and trudged away.

"I don't even know what A.W.O.L. means," he muttered to himself.

It was as he approached the house that he saw a lone seagull driving toward him. Aryll's shout of warning confirmed what he though he saw. The lone seagull had a stick of dynamite. He dove behind a fence. Sue Bell was walking by, and she peered at Link curiously. The seagull delivered its package. The stick of dynamite landed in the pot on Sue Bell's head. Link's head emerged from the fence just in time to see an explosion engulf his neighbour. When the smoke cleared, a blackened figure of Sue Bell remained. The jar, however, was obliterated. Sue Bell stood in silent shock for a moment. She whipped her head toward the seagull.

Sue Bell shook her fist, "YOU'RE PAYING FOR THAT!"

The seagull spiraled to the ground as Aryll took it out with a sniper shot.

"Leave my brother alone, Kamikaze Seagulls!" Aryll hollered from across the beach.

Link climbed over the fence and slunk indoors, mildly disturbed.

* * *

Link looked up, and saw Grandma making soup by the fire. She was hunched over the cauldron, stirring slowly. The light of the fire accented her wrinkles. She looked tired, he thought.

"Oh…Link…" his Grandmother sighed, "Is Aryll out fighting with the seagulls still?"

Link sighed, "Yup. She won't give it a rest. Hey, Grandma…have you ever wondered if maybe Aryll's right about the seagulls?"

"Now, now, my dear," his Grandma said, "Don't be silly."

Three loud explosions came from behind the door. Smoke leaked under the door.

"Anyways, I've been waiting for you, Link," his Grandmother left her soup, "Here you are."

His Grandmother walked over to a cupboard and pulled out a folded green pile of clothes. She turned and presented them to him.

"Here, try these on," she smiled wistfully, "Time certainly flies... I can't believe you're already old enough to wear these clothes."

DUH DUH DUH NUUUUUUHHHH! Link received the Hero's Clothes! They smelled of mothballs.

"Uhhh…" Link looked at the clothes, "How old are these?"

"Just try them on," Grandma said, "Today is a day to celebrate."

"Well…" Link looked through the clothes, "At least there's a hat."

"Yes. It'll cover up that bald patch you have," Grandmother said.

"Grandma!" Link said, "We all promised that'd we'd pretend it wasn't there!"

"Ah…yes, yes, yes," Grandma became distracted, "Today is the day that you become the same age as the young hero spoken of in all the legends. It's a tradition, and every other young man on this island had to wear these clothes as well."

"That's why they look so ratty," Link muttered.

Grandma harrumphed, "You only have to wear them for one day, so don't look so down. Be proud, child!"

Link decided to change off screen.

"In the olden days, this was the day the boys were finally considered to be men," Grandma said.

"At twelve?" Link asked offscreen.

Grandma raised her voice, pretending not to hear, "They were taught the ways of the sword to prepare them for battle with their enemies. But we don't live in such a way any longer. Our ways are the ways of peace. Yes, _peace_."

"But the seagulls—"

"_Peace._ So, there is no need for swords anymore. Nowadays, I suppose Orca is the only one on the island who still knows anything about swordplay," Grandma continued loudly, "But they're so boring. You would not be interested in them at all, child. You are such a _peaceful_ boy. I expect you to set a good example for your younger sister now that you're an adult."

"At twelve?" Link protested.

"And not to put anymore strange ideas in her head about sea birds," Grandma said, "Anyway, hanging the family shield on the wall as a decoration is another tradition that has been carried down from those days."

"I know, Grandma," Link sighed, "I _do _live here you know."

"See, shields were used to defend, not attack," Grandma nodded.

"I know, Grandma," Link sighed.

"Does this all make sense to you?" Grandma asked.

"Grandma, I think you should be worried if it _didn't_," Link nodded.

"Come out here and let's take a look at you," Grandma declared.

"But I look silly!" Link protested, "I don't want to appear on screen again!"

Grandma reached offscreen and hauled Link back in view. He wore a green hat and a green tunic. A.K.A. Link's trademark garb. Sans the tights.

"Isn't that nice, Link? They suit you perfectly!" Grandma said, "A perfect fit!"

Link gulped, "Why do I feel like that's a bad omen?"

"Well, tonight I'm going to invite the whole town over for your birthday party, so I'd better start getting ready, shouldn't I? Your grandma is going to make your favorite soup for you tonight. Mmmmm! I just know you're looking forward to it."

Link smiled at the sound of that. He adjusted the tunic a little—if he spilled soup on it, maybe he could take it off earlier. Boy, did the outfit itch.

"Now go get your sister, Aryll," Grandma said.

Link's smile dropped right off of his face.

"You can't be serious," Link gulped.

"Now, now, Link," Grandma sighed, "If we can keep her inside the house for the rest of the day, then our island will be completely peaceful for a day."

Link paused, "Now that you mention it…"

"Now, go on, boy," Grandma smiled, "And happy birthday! And good luck!"

"Thanks, Grandma!" Link exclaimed, "Wait, good luck?"

Grandma shooed Link outside.

* * *

Link saw Aryll nearby. She was preoccupied with some seagulls, watching them with her telescope. Lying on the ground, she crawled from shadow to shadow, keeping her head down. He thought it best not to ask. In fact, it was probably better that he didn't disturb her. She would get angry if he blew her cover. That, and if he revealed her location, a battle would likely start up again. And he couldn't remember the hand signs she taught him anyway. And he didn't really feel like it either.

He looked to his left. There was Sturgeon's house. Grandma had mentioned something about swords and peace and Orca. And Orca was Sturgeon's brother. And Sturgeon was a wise man. Yes, going to see him seemed like a good idea, since Aryll was busy. Besides, it would be downright unneighbourly not to say hello.

He let himself in through the front door without knocking. Inside, Link saw the old man Sturgeon. Not to be confused with Orca, Sturgeon's brother who lived one floor down. But they were both named after fish. And an orca actually wasn't a fish, but a whale. Close enough. But Link had devised a fool-proof method of telling them apart. Sturgeon held a wooden staff, while Orca held a spear. Oh, ho, ho!

Inside, Sturgeon was standing in the middle of the room. In fact, he looked suspiciously like he was standing there for the sole purpose of Link coming to talk to him. Link mentally patted himself on the back. If he had gone and retrieved Aryll, then who knew how long Sturgeon would stand here waiting for Link to come and speak with him. He approached the old man confidently.

"So soon?" Sturgeon eyed Link from head to toe, "My, my, my… If you're already old enough to be wearing those clothes… …Then it's going to be very important for you to gather as much wisdom as you can from now on! If you're to make your way in the world, that is, Link!"

"I suppose," Link shrugged.

Link looked around. The room was neatly organized. The shelved were lined with books sorted alphabetically. The potted plants were well-kept.

"Now, I've been studying a wealth of topics since long before you were born. I'm what you'd call a brain-of-all-trades!" Sturgeon chuckled at his own joke, "You're a smart little fellow yourself, aren't you? I've been thinking it's time for me to pass some of my wisdom down, and maybe you're the one I should bass it down to…"

"'Bass it down', eh?" Link picked his teeth with his pinky, "Sure you can, after you stop with all the fish jokes."

Pots sat on shelves, spaced evenly apart and sorted by size. The rug was neatly swept. And on the wall…

"Everything that you see tacked to the walls here is something that I've researched thoroughly," Sturgeon indicated to a wall behind him, "And before you ask, yes, I do know my filing system is odd. Organizational issues aside, however, it's all extremely useful information."

…there were randomly tacked stacks of paper. They looked like they were nailed there. And looked very disorganized. Nope, not at all strange. Or inconsistent.

"Hmm… Let's see…" Link wandered over to one of the papers on the wall, "To pick up an item, press 'A'… Whatever 'A' is…"

"You would cod well to read it all very carefully," Sturgeon seemed not to hear Link, "Reading leads to knowing, you know!"

"Yeah, I guess I would 'cod' well to remember that," Link said, "But what is 'A'?"

"I haven't gained _that _much information, my boy," Sturgeon said.

Suddenly, all shelves collapsed, and all Sturgeon's pottery fell to the floor. All the priceless artifacts smashed as they hit the ground. Sturgeon looked around at all of his wares—ruined. Without skipping a beat, he began to bang the floor with his staff. DUH DUH DUH NUUUUUUHHHH! Sturgeon activated Sturgeon RAGE!

"Such a racket! Can't you keep quiet!" Sturgeon yelled, "You've knocked everything off my shelves, you dratted hooligan!"

"Okay! Okay!" Link gaped, "I'm sorry! I won't do it again—"

Suddenly, Sturgeon lost his steam. He gasped for air like a fish out of water. He leaned on his staff heavily.

"No…" Sturgeon wheezed, "The hooligan I'm referring to is my younger and much less intelligent brother, who lives just downstairs… He hates studying. All day, every day, the lout just exercises and practices with his weapons."

"Um… I've lived on this island my whole life," Link said, "If I didn't know who Orca was, then—"

"Does he exercise his brain? No! The brain's a muscle, too!" Sturgeon paused, "…I think. Anyway, the only thing he _does_ study is the art of fighting. Right now, for instance, he's been studying fencing and whatnot. As if that's of any use to anyone…"

"Hey, at least _that's _cool," Link said.

"He simply doesn't know how to do anything besides exercise. I ask you, what's a brother to do?" Sturgeon sighed.

* * *

After a quick farewell, Link politely excused himself. Outside he pondered what he should do next. It would probably be best for him to visit Orca and inform him that Sturgeon was suffering from stress, and that this was due to Orca's exercises. However, he had visited Sturgeon for longer than expected, and if he did not find Aryll, Grandma would worry about them. Since all the pots had fallen off of Sturgeon's walls, the damage couldn't get worse, and to interrupt Orca's training would be rude. He would find Aryll, he decided, and then visit Orca later, when he wasn't busy.

Looking around, he couldn't see Aryll any longer. He looked over where he had last seen her, only to see a few charred feathers. For the moment, the air was silent. Link looked up at the only other place Aryll could be. Sure enough, he saw Aryll climbing up the ladder of the look out tower. A plank was hoisted over her shoulder, a hammer in her hand, and a few nails were in her mouth. Link sighed. Of _course _she was already repairing her base.

After making his way across the beach and leaping across the hole in the bridge, he came to the top of the look out. Aryll banged away on thick plank of wood. If only Grandpa hadn't taught her how to repair the lookout, then she could just stay inside as Grandma suggested. Link crawled onto the platform. Aryll had already done quite a few repairs considering it had only been an hour or so since the attack.

Aryll looked over her shoulder, "Ah! 'Hoy, onii-chan!"

"'Hoy, Aryll," Link said, "Are the gulls restocking on ammunition?"

"Oh probably," Aryll wiped the sweat off her brow, "I thought I might as well repair the lookout. They have a hard time hitting me when I'm up here."

Link rolled his eyes. Aryll didn't seem to notice.

"You have to fix the bridge, too," Link said.

"One task at a time, one task at a time," Aryll said, "You can't win a war if you try to take on everything in one go."

She was one to talk. She had _only_ declared war on an entire species.

"Did Grandma make that outfit for you?" Aryll looked over her shoulder, "But, wow, you'd look like you'd be way too hot in these clothes. I guess they're pretty neat, though. They camouflage better."

"How come you act cute and cuddly when seagulls aren't mentioned?" Link moaned.

A conspiratorial look came over Aryll's face. She motioned for him to come over. He complied, but only after ensuring that the structure was sound.

"Speaking of Seagulls," Aryll said, "Here, I want you to look down there."

He squinted, "Where?"

"Bah," Aryll sighed, "Here."

DUH DUH DUH NUUUUUUHHHH! Link got Aryll's Telescope! Uh-oh. If she's lending it to him, then this can't be good.

"Look down there," Aryll said, "Down by the postbox."

Link sighed and adjusted the telescope. It took him a few seconds to figure out how to tweak it, but once he figured it out, he could see the red postbox clearly. A man stood by the postbox. He had his hair so it was pointed to a tip. But instead of a nose, he had a large beak, and on his arms were two long drapes of plumage.

"Do you see him?" Aryll whispered.

"The postman?" Link asked, "What about him?"

"Don't be fooled by appearances, onii-chan," Aryll said fiercely.

"What?" Link asked.

"I think he's one of…them," Aryll exclaimed.

Link lowered the telescope from his eye. Aryll glared with fierce determination toward the postbox.

"Aryll, the postman is a Rito, not a seagull," Link sighed.

"No, don't you see? He's conspiring with them!" Aryll declared, "It's the perfect method of gathering Intel and gaining trust. By posing as postmen, the Rito can infiltrate numerous cities across the Great Sea. And they know the addresses and names of many people in this land."

Link sighed, "_Aryll_…"

"Look at him," Aryll said, "That beak, the black dots on his arms, there is no question about it… he's on _their _side…"

"Aryll, stop being ridiculous…" Link groaned.

The last thing the island needed, aside from the numerous craters in the beach, was Aryll obstructing the postal system.

"Wait! What is he doing?" Aryll exclaimed suddenly, "What are you doing? Don't let him out of your sight."

Link put the telescope to his eye again. The postman flailed around by the postbox. He flapped his wings so hard that down flew off of him. His head was tilted skyward.

"AH! Onii-chan! Look!" Aryll shouted suddenly, "Look up there!"

"Sheesh! No need to yell," Link winced, "I'm right beside you, you know…"

Link tilted the telescope upward. Dark purple blotted out his vision. He blinked. He moved the telescope. He saw something that looked like thick yellow string. Link blinked again. He zoomed out.

The biggest bird Link had ever seen filled the lens. It had a large metal mask over its face, and a blue tongue. The plumage was dark purple with scattered bits of gray. The tail fanned out in three plumes as long as a ship. Clasped in its oversized talons seemed to be a figure.

"What the—" Link paused.

"What _is_ that? Could it _be?_" Aryll gasped.

"What? What?" Link asked.

"THE SEAGULL KING!" Aryll hollered.

Link lowered the telescope to raise an eyebrow at her.

"I knew it!" Aryll chuckled, "I knew he was real! And you and Grandma thought I was making it up! HA!"

Link viewed the bird in his telescope again. It probably was best not to encourage her. He tried to focus on the bird's face, but it moved too much. What he noticed instead was something red. He looked at the bird's back. Its wings would flap into view and intermittently obscure his view but there definitely was something red there. And whatever it was, it wasn't canon.

"Is there something on it's back?" Link paused.

"And that explains why the traitorous postman was acting so strange!" Aryll snapped her fingers, "He was signaling the Seagull King to land!"

"Wait, traitorous postman?" Link paused, "When did he become a traitor?"

Something whizzed past the bird. Another object flew past. They looked like cannonballs. Link looked for the source. Down in the water, Link saw a pirate ship off in the distance. They shot the cannonballs at the bird with a catapult. The dish of the catapult was more like a plate than a dish. Nobody knew how this worked.

Link realized that the people on the ship were trying to get the bird to drop whatever it carried. But then it occurred to him—what if they hit the bird's claws, and killed the person? Their aim wasn't exactly the best.

Dodging cannonballs left and right, the gigantic bird looked over its shoulder. No sooner had it done so, than a large cannonball hit it smack dab in the face.

"OWNED!" Aryll yelled triumphantly.

"My ears!" Link snapped, "As if it isn't bad enough for my hearing to listen to your artillery."

The cannonball to the face caused the bird to drop the person it was holding. Some later said they heard evil muttering coming from the bird, but that was probably unimportant. Link zoomed into to see the person plummet into the woods on top of the island. Link lowered the telescope.

"Cannonballs!" Aryll said, "That's a good tactic against a Seagull so large!"

"Wow," Link looked at the telescope, "This is one good telescope! I swear, what I saw was in full cinematic!"

"Nifty, ain't it?" Aryll grinned, "It's H.D. and everything. It even has a night vision function."

"Ooooh," Link gasped in awe.

Unfortunately there was no way for Link to know that the telescope would be useless for the rest of the game.

"But…that person the Seagull King dropped…" Aryll paused.

"What about them?" Link blinked.

"You have to rescue them, onii-chan!" Aryll exclaimed, "They may have valuable Intel about the Seagull's hideout! Or where the Seagull King's nest is!"

"Aryll…" Link groaned, "I don't feel like it right now…"

"Onii-chan! Quickly! Before the Seagulls get to her!" Aryll said.

"Oh? And why can't _you _get her?" Link sneered, "You gonna help those professional pirates take down the _'Seagull King'_?"

"As a matter of fact, I am," Aryll smirked, "I've waited for a chance like this for ages!"

Link glared at Aryll, "So…what? What are you going to fight it with?"

"With…" Aryll smiled, "THIS!"

Aryll pulled out a bazooka.

Link could have fainted.

"Where do you _keep _that?" Link exclaimed, "And more importantly, where did you _get_ it?"

"There's no time, onii-chan!" Aryll said, "Save that human! And hurry!"

Aryll shot a gigantic missile toward the big bird. The bird was defiantly startled by the noise. It managed to veer out of the way at the last second. Link sighed and headed down the ladder.

* * *

Link headed up the path to the forest. But our hero was obstructed by a line of trees.

"Oh, right…" Link sighed, "Mesa planted these five years ago."

Link turned around.

"Man, that guy needs to get over his obsession with planting things in the randomest places," Link muttered.

Link trudged back down the path. If his path was blocked, then he couldn't rescue the person who fell into the forest. Kinda sucked to be them, but there was nothing he could do about it. He needed to go tell Aryll that she'd have to get Intel on the Seagull King from somewhere else. But then Link remembered that he hadn't visited Orca. In all the excitement, he had forgotten to pay Orca a visit when Link was free.

He approached Strugeon and Orca's house and entered the lower story. By the far wall, Orca was beating the wall with his hands. It seemed to be some sort of archaic martial art technique to break down doors, or something. That's what Link guessed, because he could think of no logical reason why anyone would strike a wall in that manner.

Now that he thought of it, a sword would make a good substitute for a saw. Mesa went crazy if anyone tried to cut down any of his plants, and if he saw Link with a saw, he would bear down on him in a second. A sword would look innocent enough, and then he could go rescue that person.

"Orca? Can I borrow a sword?" Link said, "There's someone Aryll wants me to rescue, and considering that she's already armed to the teeth at age eight, then giving me a sword can't be—"

"Oh! What is the matter, Link?" Orca turned around, "You have an urgent look about you... Has something happened?"

Link blinked, "I just said—"

"Whatever it is, from the look on your face I suspect that it is no laughing matter..." Orca nodded, "What say you, Link? Ah."

"But I haven't said anything!" Link exclaimed.

"Have you come for some serious instruction in the way of the sword?" Orca asked.

"Yeah! Sure! Whatever!" Link groaned, "If you're gonna give me one, then why not?"

"Very good!" Orca assumed a battle pose, "Your first lesson shall be the horizontal slice!"

Orca handed Link a spare sword. DUH DUH DUH NUUUUUUHHHH! Link got a Sword! You know, technically Link could just run out the door and it wouldn't matter all that much…

"Face me and press B," Orca instructed, "Do not fear for my safety… I am ready for you!"

"Um…" Link paused, "What's 'B'?"

"Come on, boy!" Orca said, "I'm waiting!"

Link did a horizontal slice, half-heartly. Nothing he did had anything to do with the letter 'B'.

"Very good," Orca nodded, "Next is the vertical slice! Hold L to target me, then press B!"

Link raised an eyebrow, "'L'? How do I hold that? And what is this 'B'?"

"Do you want to learn the ways of the sword or not?" Orca asked.

Link sighed. He did a vertical slice. Without holding 'L', or pressing this 'B'.

"Very good! Next is the thrust!" Orca exclaimed, "L-target, then tilt the control stick forwards and press B."

"Wait, '_control stick' too?_" Link's eyes got slightly wider.

"Come at me! Thrust with your sword!" Orca said.

Link did a thrust. He did it by taking a step forward, and attempting to stab Orca. 'Control stick', 'L', 'L-Targeting', and 'B' were not used.

"Next is the spin attack! Hold B briefly to build up your strength, then release it!" Orca continued.

"Okay, are there some buttons in this room that you aren't telling me about?" Link looked around.

Before Orca could nag him, Link did a twirl with his sword. Seemed to work for the old man.

"Next is harder! This is a parry attack!" Orca exclaimed, "L-target until you see A go spikey, then quickly press A to perform a defensive strike."

"ORCA!" Link yelled, "I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THIS! Just let me keep the sword already!"

A loud banging came from upstairs, "Such a racket! Can't you keep quiet! You've knocked everything off my shelves, you dratted hooligan!"

"…Be strong, Link," Orca declared, followed by a pause.

"Uh, thanks…" Link said, "I'm just going to assume that means I can keep the sword. Okay? Okay."

Link walked to the front door, and slammed it behind him.

* * *

Link headed back to the western side of the island and headed up the path a second time. He slashed down those trees like there was no tomorrow. Link cackled. He had just undone what took Mesa five years to accomplish. Serves him right. Who plants trees like that in the middle of a path?

Link wandered up the path. He soon came to a clearing at the top of the island. First time he had been there in years! Well, five years to be exact. Stupid Mesa.

From the clearing Link was at, there was a bridge. The bridge led to the forest. Link had never been in the forest before, mostly because there were trees obstructing the path. But he could assume there were dangerous creatures in the woods, because nobody ever wanted to up there.

Link walked onto the bridge confidently. As much as he didn't want to go to rescue the person, he knew he could probably accomplish it easily. He was armed with a sword—it wasn't a bazooka, but he was every bit as dangerous as Aryll now. Namely because he was older. He was twelve, after all, a grown man. People had to take him seriously now.

Link looked up, and watched as the gigantic bird flew around in circles. Two large rockets came spiraling through the air toward it. One hit the cliff side close to where Link was.

Okay, maybe not as dangerous as Aryll, but he could still hurt somebody. If they weren't airborne.

Link skipped across the hole in the bridge. Either Aryll or the seagulls had caused the damage, and nobody had been able to get up here to fix it.

Link reached the other side of the bridge and entered the forest. He looked around—it was kind of dim; the light didn't filter through the canopy all that well. But then he saw the person. It was a blonde-haired girl, and she hung from a tree branch. She looked like she was dead. Link considered going back and telling Aryll that she was dead, but then realized that Aryll would ask him if he checked to make sure. And if he didn't check, she'd make him come all the way back again.

But where the girl hung was in an inaccessible point. He looked around. There had to be a way to get there. The terrain inside was strange, and he had to climb over a ledge and down another in order to get anywhere. He crawled over the strange ledge and down the other side. He entered a sort of clearing. And then he saw a creature. He drew his sword—his first monster. A Bokoblin.

The Bokoblin didn't get a chance to react before Link pounced on him. Link slashed, and slashed, and BAM! It was dead! It went up in a poof of smoke, and left a rupee behind.

Link couldn't help but grin widely. He did it. He killed his first monster. He was part of the big leagues now.

Link crawled onto a log, and climbed up to the next raised ledge. There was a large, very suspicious rock there. He was too self-absorbed to really notice. He was the man! He was the beast! It was only a matter of time before he rescued that girl. She was kind of cute, too, he thought. Once he got her down from the tree, she'd probably thank him and swoon in his presence. If she wasn't dead, that is.

How was she doing? Link looked over. He saw her dangling from a branch, unconscious. He didn't pay much attention to her until now, because Link was too preoccupied about finishing his first monster. Oh, man. How awesome was he?

Link peered into the next section of forest. The only part in between the girl and himself. Empty. He had thought there'd at least be more than _one_ monster in the woods up here. Oh well, he had saved her from the dangerous Bokoblin. But he would tell her he wrestled the Seagull King with his bare hands to save her. Except he wouldn't call it the Seagull King. He'd call it something more manly.

Link stood thinking of alternative names he could give the bird when a strange sound came from behind him. He looked over his shoulder to the rock. There seemed to be some strange sounds coming from underneath it. Maybe it was a monster? But what kind of monster would get caught under a rock?

He drew closer to the base of the stone.

"HIYA!" a voice yelled.

The rock exploded. Rather, it lifted from the ground and hurled itself against the wall. Link leapt back and shielded his face with his arms. Dust and shards of stone rained down. He coughed.

A glowing ball seemed to appear in the midst of the dust. It was blue, and it hovered where the rock had been previously. He squinted. A floating blue ball had risen up from a hole that was underneath that rock. Oh wait. It had wings too. What _was _that?

It spoke, "Aw, man! That was a long nap!"

It seemed to stretch.

"Man, I thought I would have gone back in time by now," the ball huffed, "But, I certainly did need the rest. Wonder how long it's been since I started hibernation?"

"Umm…" Link paused, "Excuse me?"

The blue ball with wings turned toward the source of the sound.

"Did you just…you know," Link pointed at the biggest rock fragment, "just pick up that rock with your bare hands?"

"Yeah, and…?" the ball said, then paused, "Wait a minute…"

The blue ball floated over to him. It seemed to inspect him closely.

"Whoa," it said, "What happened to _you?_"

"What?" Link blinked.

"Link, look at you!" the ball flung out its arms, "You're eyes! They're gigantic! And those feet! Look how small they are! How are you not tipping over?"

"How do you know my name?" Link asked.

"Because you're Link, duh!" the blue ball said, "My moron of a partner!"

"He-hey!" Link retorted, "I'm not a moron, thank you very much!"

"But then again…" the blue ball paused, "I have no idea how long I was asleep. So, maybe you're his kid, or something? …Pffttt, HA! Link _reproducing?_ Never mind."

Link raised an eyebrow.

"Gah!" the ball groaned, "But how can you _not _be Link? You've got the clothes! You've got a new hairstyle, I'll give you that, but it's cool."

The ball flew into Link's hat.

"Wait, what are you—" he started.

"And see!" the blue ball said, "You've even got the bald spot!"

"Get out of there!" Link demanded.

"Alright, fine," the ball said, "But you're Link! I know you are!"

"Okay, okay," Link sighed, "My name is Link, yes. However, can we start with proper introductions first?"

"Don't tell me that you've hit your head hard enough to forget me," the ball said grumpily, "Did you hit yourself in the head with the Megaton Hammer, or something?"

Link's eyes widened, "Why would anyone in their right mind hit themselves with a hammer?"

"Okay," the blue ball paused, "now you're acting strange."

"You're the one acting strange!" Link yelled, "You don't even introduce yourself, and already you're accusing me of hitting myself in the head with a hammer!"

"Okay. Fine," the ball said, "You'd better remember this. My name is Navi. I'm a fairy."

"Oh," Link said, "Hello, Navi."

Link shook Navi's hand. Or rather, Navi shook his finger.

"Okay, you are defiantly not the Link I know," Navi said, "Who are you?"

"Well, um, I'm Link," Link said, "I live here on Outset Island with my sister and my elderly Grandmother."

"Nope. Definitely not my Link," Navi said, "My Link is never allowed to have a family—wait, did you say 'island'?"

"Yes?" Link looked around nervously.

"But, I'm in Hyrule!" Navi said, "I'm not even anywhere _close _to an ocean!"

"Hyrule?" Link asked, "Is that the mystical land from legend said to be flooded when the Great Sea was created."

There was a VERY awkward pause.

Navi gulped, "How long have I been asleep?"

"Heck if I know," Link said, "Heck, you were probably moved from your previous location from here as a practical joke from your Link."

Navi paused, "Okay, you're probably right. Gee, you're so logical it's scaring me."

"Your Link's not logical?" Link asked.

Link didn't know whether or not he should feel insulted by the way Navi was laughing.

"Anyways," Navi tried to control herself, "Could I lodge in your hat for a while?"

"Ummm…what?"

"I'm a fairy," Navi said, "And I'm used to living in hats, and on top of people's heads. May I stay on your head until we find my Link?"

Link sighed, "Sure."

"Thank you very much," Navi said, "Now, what is it you were doing?"

"I was about to go save that girl," Link said.

Link pointed to the potentially dead-girl dangling from the branch.

"Alright then," Navi said, "Shall we head off?"

"Sure," Link said.

Link turned around, and headed down the hole Navi had come from.

Navi paused, "What the crap?"

Link reemerged shortly. DUH DUH DUH NUUUUUUHHHH! Link got the Large Wallet! He can now hold up to 1000 rupees!

"I thought we were going to go save that girl…" Navi raised an eyebrow.

"Well, if I didn't go down there, it would have bugged me. I wouldn't know what was down there, and I would have to come back later," Link said, "And that would waste time."

"Bah, whatever," Navi said, "Let's go."

Navi flew into Link's hat. He wasn't sure how he felt about a fairy lodging in his hat, and one who knew about his bald spot. But there was nothing he could think of doing for now. Link crawled up a log to get to the area where the girl was. But as he dropped below, two strange birds flew by. Each one deposited a Bokoblin down in front of him.

Link smirked. Now he could show his skills off. He held out his sword, and took a dramatic pose. The Bokoblins roared menacingly. Link lifted his sword in the air and—

"For the Goddesses' sakes!" Navi said, "Hurry up!"

Navi the fairy lurched out of his hat and tackled the Bokoblins. To this day, all that remains of those Bokoblins is disturbing memory imprinted into Link's mind.

While Link stood in stunned silence, Navi dusted her hands off. She looked pleased with herself.

"Oh, look," she said.

The girl in the tree had woken up. She blinked a couple of times. She gasped, and then began to struggle from her position in the branch. The branch snapped under her weight. She landed with a thud. Link rushed over to see if she was all right.

"OWWWCH!" the girl let out.

"Are you okay?" Link tried to help the girl to her feet.

The girl looked at Link.

"Wow. What's with that get-up?" she asked, "What is this, a Cosplay convention?"

"N-no! This is a tradi—" Link stammered

"I know. Weird, isn't it?" Navi said.

"Well, whatever," the girl took no note of the fairy, "So, where am I...?"

"You think_ I_ look strange?" Link said, disgruntled, "Well, look at what _you're_ wearing—Whoa! You have green eyebrows!"

Now, it was the girl who was speechless. She stared at Link. Link paused too, but then realized that he had successfully burned her, and crossed his arms triumphantly. Navi burst out laughing.

"Oh, wow!" Navi laughed, "You're right! I totally didn't notice!"

"Well, good for you," the girl blushed.

"Aw, man," Navi caught her breath, "It seems to me that there is someone else I know who has green eyebrows… Now who was it?"

"Oh, that's right!" the girl remembered the previous events, "That giant bird came and…"

"Miss!" a voice yelled, "Miss Tetra!"

Link looked over. There, by the entrance of the woods, was one of the pirate men. Link was a little put out that he managed to get to them quicker than Link had.

"Oh! Oh, thank…" the pirate gasped, "Thank goodness! You're safe!"

Link and Navi blinked. The girl, Tetra, seemed unperturbed though.

"When I saw you get dropped on this summit, I thought for sure you'd..." the pirate man said.

"Summit?" Tetra asked, "So that bird dropped me off on the top of a mountain?"

Navi turned to Link, "We're on a mountain?"

"Well, wasn't that nice of it!" Tetra huffed, "Well, don't just stand there! Let's go! Time to repay our debt to that bird in full!"

Tetra ran toward the exit of the woods._  
_

"But Miss…" the pirate pointed to Link, "What about this boy?"

Tetra turned and shouted back, "Don't worry about him. Come on!"

The Pirate followed after Tetra.

Navi paused, "That little #%$*!"

* * *

Link felt proud of himself that he managed to exit the woods faster than the two pirates. He took a shortcut, and nearly sprained his ankle. Undaunted, he headed outside. He didn't really need to follow them, but he didn't want to report to Aryll.

"'Hoy! Big Brother!" came a familiar voice.

On the other hand, it didn't look like he could avoid it. On the center of the bridge stood Aryll. She waved to him, looking triumphant in her army helmet. Tetra and the pirate man looked at the girl and then to him. Link waved at Aryll sheepishly.

"Ah…ha…ha…" Link chuckled nervously, "'Hoy."

"Oh! Onii-chan! Good!" Aryll exclaimed, "You've gotten her! Now, tell me, missy, what do you know about the Seagull King?"

The pirate blinked, "The what now?"

A shadow passed overhead. Everyone looked up. The large bird from before swooped down on them suddenly. A figure on the bird's back seemed to direct it. The talons reached out. Tetra jumped clear. Aryll reached for her machine gun. Link tried to yell out to her in warning, but the bird snatched her up before she could draw her weapon.

The bird flew south, Aryll clutched in its talons. It made a u-turn and began flying north. As it flew over the group again, Aryll waved her arms at him.

"Don't worry, onii-chan!" she yelled, "I've got _everything_ under control!"

Everything under control? She didn't have half her ammunition! Sword in hand, he rushed after the bird. Aryll was captured and worse: seagulls outside of Outset Island were now in danger.

He charged. And then one foot met air. He looked down. The beach was far below. He gave a shout.

A hand seized his.

"Uhnn! Stupid kid!" Tetra yelled at Link, "Get ahold of yourself! She's gone! There's nothing you can do."

Link watched hopelessly as the bird flew away. He saw that speck of red again, but he didn't care. Heck, it wasn't even canon. Link was preoccupied in his thoughts.

"Man," Link said, "Grandma's going to be mad."

* * *

Toon Link: ENJOY IT HERE?

Cherry-sama: What?

Toon Link: How can I enjoy it here? My sister's insane!

Cherry-sama: She's amusing!

Navi: Our authoress, ladies and gents. A person who finds a little girl with firearms, shooting birds all the time, amusing.

Link: And this fanfic is _K+? _With that kind of violence you could highly offend some people!

Cherry-sama: Hey, we're a set here. No animals were hurt in the making of this fanfiction.

Link: Now there's a spoiler.

Toon Link: Is it too late to quit?

Cherry-sama: Hey!

Aryll: Please review…while I'm getting some of those pesky Seagulls. _(pulls out bazooka and runs off stage)_


	3. Chapter 3: A Pirate's Life for Link

**Chapter 3! (Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate's life for Link~)**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Legend of Zelda: Wind Waker. I also don't own Grandma's line when Link leaves on the ship. That was a winning caption for one of Desert Colossus's Caption Contests. But it was so awesome, I had to incorporate it.**

* * *

Link: Well?

Cherry-sama: Well what?

Link: Are you going to say that clichéd line you always say?

Cherry-sama: Hey, it's not a _bad_ thing to say "welcome back". The readers _have _been waiting quite a while.

Navi: That wouldn't happen if you updated regularly.

Cherry-sama: Shut up.

Aryll: SEAGULLS! _(chases after flock of seagulls with fire arms)_

* * *

"What!" Tetra went wide-eyed, "You want to come with us on our ship?"

In the span of an author's note, the chapter number, a disclaimer, and another author's note, Link had somehow managed to de-dangle himself from the cliff, and get onto the beach.

The pirate ship was docked at the fisherman's dock, and two pirates stood on shore with her. The taller one was the one from before: broad-chested, large nose, and bandana on his head. The other one was shorter than Tetra. He had a mousy face, and a belt with a skull buckle.

"Link!" Navi flew out of the boy's hat, "What the heck are you doing?"

"Hey," Link turned to Navi, "Look at it this way. If we get the Pirates to give us a hand to help me find my sister, then we have a greater chance of finding your friend. The other Link. And if we find my sister, we won't have to tell my grandmother she was kidnapped."

"You want to withhold this information from your own grandmother?" Navi snapped, "Maybe you're more similar to my Link than I thought…"

"Do you understand what you're asking?" Tetra asked, "We're pirates! You know... PIRATES! The terror of the seas!"

"Yes, and?" Link asked, "I've seen scarier things than that catapult on your ship."

"What do we get out of bringing some helpless little kid along with us?" Tetra rolled her eyes, "I'll tell what we get... a headache!"

Link was quickly discovering that Tetra was far from the helpless maiden he had hoped to have drooling over him in the woods. Her skin was tanned and her face hardened. She wore her bandana around her neck above a blue vest and purple shirt. She didn't wear a dress but instead a pair of brown leggings. Her eyes were a nice shade of blue, but her green eyebrows bugged him. Her hair was piled on top of her head in a bun, out of the way and out of her face. But…it seemed magically suspended; he couldn't see any hairpins at all.

"I know how you must feel with your sister having been kidnapped and all..." Tetra sighed, "But that—"

"How do you keep your hair up?" Link asked.

There was a long pause.

"Wait, what?" Navi asked, "What does that have to do with _anything?_"

"Say, Miss," the bigger pirate asked, "I've been wondering about that too, for a couple years now."

"Anyway," Tetra groaned, "Your sister getting kidnapped doesn't really have anything to do with us, does it?"

"She has a point there," Navi turned to Link.

"And how do you figure that...?" said a voice that came from behind.

Link, Navi, Tetra, and the two pirates turned around at the same time. Standing behind Link was the postman.

"Wow," Navi looked at the postman, "I've never…seen…anything…like it…"

"What do you mean?" Link turned to Navi.

"Ah!" the postman seemed startled all of a sudden, "Do not worry! I am on your side!"

Link blinked, "Um, what?"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa there! Just who are you?" the bigger pirate asked, "Where do you get off butting in on someone else's conversation?"

This wasn't Link's first time seeing the postman, but he hadn't really been this close to him before. He noticed that he had a red pouch tied around his middle. Likely, for carrying letters. It looked kinda nifty, too. He wanted one.

"Please! All I mean to say is that if you big, bad pirates hadn't come to this quiet little island," the postman said, "that poor girl wouldn't have been snatched by that bird."

"Oh?" Navi asked.

"And just what do you mean by that?" Tetra asked.

"Yeah," Link added, "I wouldn't really say she was a _poor _little girl. That makes her sound too innocent."

Navi turned to Link, "Wait, what are you talking about?"

"Never mind," Link said, "I just don't see how it's _the pirates _fault for Aryll getting kidnapped by that giant bird. Like, it's more _her _fault for waging war—"

"Just be quiet for a moment, and I'll tell you!" the postman told the group, "Now, as my work entails delivering letters, I spend much of my time traveling amongst the many different islands. As a result, I hear many things..."

"No duh," Tetra said, "You're the postman."

Link noticed that the postman's eyebrows were curled slightly at the end.

"Haven't any of you heard word that young girls have been getting kidnapped lately from all regions of the Great Sea?" the postman asked.

"Umm…" Tetra paused.

"No," the short pirate piped up, "Can't say we have."

"No matter," the postman sighed, "Whether you've heard it or not, that seems to be the case. Young girls with long ears like yours have been getting kidnapped never to be seen again."

"Microsoft Word doesn't like that," Navi pointed out, "It doesn't like the Passive Voice in the phrase 'have been getting kidnapped never to be seen…'. I think you need a comma in there."

The postman stared at Navi for a second.

"And unless my eyes fail me, that young girl who was just kidnapped from this island also has long ears, does she not?" the postman ignored Navi, "Much like _you_ do, Miss Fearsome Pirate."

"Long ears?" Link asked, "But don't you mean _pointed_ ears? My sister's ears weren't all that long at all—"

The postman raised his voice, "My point is that the bird mistook that poor girl for you, and that's why it grabbed her."

" ..." Tetra…said?

The postman turned his head toward Link.

"And correct me if I'm wrong, but I believe it was young Link here who saved you from the monsters in the forest, wasn't it?" the postman asked.

"...Is this true?" Tetra turned to Link.

"Yeah," Link turned to the postman, "There were fifty of them. But I took care of them all."

"No you didn't," Navi snapped, "There were only two, and I took them out."

The big pirate looked at the fairy, "Uh huh. _Sure_ you did."

"Hey! I did!"

"Oh! And while I'm at it..." the postman turned to Tetra again, "I may as well tell you that the bird that kidnapped both you and Link's sister has made its foul nest to the north on the heights of the Forsaken Fortress."

"The Forsaken Fortress?" Tetra gasped, "Isn't that the place where..."

"Man, it's a good thing Aryll isn't here," Link let out a sigh of relief, "She would have been after that giant bird in a heartbeat, and she probably would have been convinced that you were on that bird's side because you know all this. She would have said you were setting a trap, too."

There was a very long pause.

Navi blinked, "What?"

"So, what are you going to do?" the postman asked, "Under the circumstances, I don't think it would be unreasonable for you to give Link a little help, now, would it?"

"It wouldn't?" Link asked.

"Hmph…" Tetra put her hands on her hips, "I don't need you to tell me that! But even if I were to consider it... Lately, I've heard nothing but evil rumours about this Forsaken Fortress."

"Rumours that the Forsaken Fortress is evil?" Navi asked, "Or were the rumours _themselves_ evil?"

Tetra gave Navi a disapproving look.

"Meh," Link pulled out his sword, "I can take 'em."

Tetra pointed at Link, "You can't possibly mean to go there with nothing but that cheap little sword! That's not brave! It's stupid!"

"She has a point there," Navi told Link.

"I mean, come on!" Tetra looked around, "Even a simple little island like this has to have something you could use as a shield. You know, something to protect yourself with. A cooking pot lid? A flat rock? Anything?"

"Well," Link pondered, "Maybe if I can hack down a palm tree…"

"Tell you what," Tetra said to Link, "If you come back with something like that, we'll let you stow away on our ship. Oh, and one more thing: once we leave, you won't be coming back here for a while, so you'd better go say goodbye to your family while you have the chance. I don't want you getting all weepy-eyed and homesick on me!"

"If that wasn't the game designer's blatant hint at where Link's supposed to get a defensive item, then I don't know what was," Navi said.

"Okay," Link said, "I'll go visit my grandma."

"Good," Navi said.

Link walked over to the tall pirate.

"Hey! How's it goin'?" Link asked.

"She can't be serious!" the tall pirate exclaimed, "What is she thinking, bringing a shrimp like you on board? Talk about a joke…"

"What the crap, Link?" Navi buzzed up and down, "I thought you were going to see your grandmother!"

"Boy, Miss Tetra's impulsive nature sure has a way of landing us in hot water…" the tall pirate pondered to himself.

"Yes, well," Link put his hands behind his head, "Grandma's going to be pissed once she finds out Aryll got kidnapped. And she might be less mad if I have some reassuring information. Therefore it makes sense to talk to these guys before I see her."

"Well…" Navi paused.

"Shrimp! If you're going to go sailing on a pirate ship, you'd better be prepared to become a pirate, ya?" the tall pirate told Link, "'Cause if you get scared and start begging and crying at us to let you off the ship somewheres then you'd be guaranteed to end up as shark bait!"

"Also, if we converse with the crewmates," Link nodded, "We may be able to get on their good side. In other words, they may be able to ask for their assistance later on in our journey. Like, they may grant us a lift if whenever we ask."

"Don't push your luck, Shrimp," the tall pirate said.

Link ignored this, "And you _do _want to find your friend, don't you?"

"Well, yes," Navi said.

"So, therefore," Link said, "Talking with the pirates is a good idea."

"Okay, well, I guess so," Navi sighed, "Now let's go talk to the other one."

Link spotted a black pig. Suddenly he veered off and ducked behind some bushes.

"…WHAT THE CRAP?" Navi turned red from anger, "I thought you were going to talk to all the pirates?"

"Shh!" he hissed.

He snuck up behind the black pig, and picked it up. Triumphantly he marched up the hillside to Rose's house. He threw the pig in the pen. DUH DUH DUH NUUUUUUHHHH! Link got twenty rupees!

"It wouldn't hurt to get some extra pocket change," Link shrugged, "The pirates _may _charge us for traveling with them."

"I'm not even going to _ask _how you knew throwing a pig into that pen would get you twenty rupees. She didn't even say a word to you!" Navi said.

"Anyways, twenty rupees is hardly enough for to pay fare," Link said, "There are some more pigs around here.

Navi watched with disbelief as Link systematically stalked, captured, and delivered two more pigs. Rose happily dished out two more red rupees like this was normal. Once finished, Link wandered back down to the beach.

"See, sixty rupees is a little better," Link told her, "Now we can afford fare."

"Charging a fare?" the tall pirate turned to Tetra, "Hey, that's not a bad idea."

"But—" Navi started.

"I'm also helping out Rose," Link said, "She always said she wanted a pet pig. Now she has three!"

"But you could have _told _me, first!" Navi said.

Link walked over to the small pirate.

"Hi there," Link waved.

"Heya, shrimplet and shrimp ball!" the small pirate exclaimed, "Are you two going to be our new pirate swabbies? …'Cause any new swabbie reports to me!"

"Um, I guess so," Navi said.

"Sure," Link said, "Why not?"

The small pirate started bouncing up and down, and then began to tap dance on the beach.

"Yes!" the small pirate exclaimed, "This means I don't have to wash the other pirate's dirty underpants anymore!"

There was a very long pause.

"…That's a very good reason why not," Link gulped.

Navi tugged on Link's sleeve, "Look, the longer you put off seeing your grandmother, the longer it'll take to rescue your sister. Let's go to your house now and say goodbye."

Link nodded, "S-sure…"

He walked up the path and to his house. As he began to walk up the front ramp, he remembered something. He leapt off the porch and crawled underneath it.

"Wait! What the heck are you doing?" Navi buzzed up and down.

Link crawled into the hole. Navi waited for a short time before Link came out again. He showed her an orange rupee.

"That's a new one," Navi said, "Never seen an orange one before."

"It's a hundred rupees. I hope the pirates can give me change," Link said.

"I _thought _we were going to talk to your grandmother!" Navi said.

"Yes," Link said, "But I suddenly remembered the orange rupee I hid underneath the house—"

"Will you just get in there?" Navi yelled.

Link sighed and finally went inside the house. Navi flew into Link's hat.

* * *

Link went inside, and saw Grandma.

"Link? What's going on?" Grandma asked, "I don't hear any explosions outside… Did the seagulls actually…?"

Instead of doing the most logical thing and inform his Grandmother of what the crap happened, Link climbed up the ladder.

Link thought he heard "Heartless jerk," come from the back of his head. Nah. He was just imagining it.

Link looked in front of him. The shield Grandma had gone on about last chapter was gone, leaving an empty wreath. Link paused. And hopped down. Grandma had her back turned to him, and looked like she was holding something.

"Link... Is this what you're looking for?" Grandma asked.

"Wait, were you hiding that from me?" Link asked.

"Where did she even _hide _it?" Navi peeked out from Link's hat.

"...Take it with you," Grandma said.

"Aw, thanks, Grandma—"

Grandma smiled, "To promote _peace._"

"Oh…yeah…" Link paused, "That's, uh, exactly what I was going to use it for…"

"I guess it is true. Aryll really has been kidnapped..." Grandma lowered her head, "hasn't she?"

"You've been inside all day," Link said, "Heck, I don't even remember the last time you ever _were_ outside. How in the Great Sea did you find out she had been _kidnapped?_"

Grandma sniffled, "What kind of monster would take such a sweet, young child?"

"Um, Grandma?" Link asked, "Are you sure we're talking about the same person?"

Navi's jaw dropped, "What kind of person _IS _your sister?"

* * *

Meanwhile…In Forsaken Fortress…

"These bars won't hold me!" Aryll kicked and screamed under the Bokoblin's arm.

Aryll was plopped into a dirty, wooden cage. As soon as she hit the ground, she did a quick 180, and lurched for the closing door. It slammed in her face, and the Bokoblin locked it before she could wrest the keys from him. Aryll's hands clamped onto the bars. She shook the door with all her weight. The lock made an annoying clattering sound. The Bokoblin wiped his brow in relief.

The other monsters in the room stared at her.

"I'm warning you!" Aryll yelled after her jailers, "You don't know who you're messing with!"

As the giant door creaked shut, Aryll hopped off the door. Without losing her steam, she began to plot an escape plan. She adjusted her army helmet and pulled a lock pick from under her arm.

"Now, after I get this lock open, I'll…" Aryll muttered to herself.

"Hiyaaa," a stupid sounding voice called from behind her.

She turned her head around briefly. Apparently the Seagull King had taken two more hostages. She inspected them over for damage and from what Aryll could tell, they were unharmed. The one hostage was a sicklier looking. Hair: Brown. Eyes: Brown. Attire: ratty. Distinguishing Features: mole on her cheek. Age: likely a few years older than Aryll. Weight: unknown, but likely unhealthy.

The other hostage was taller. Hair: Blonde. Eyes: Blue. Posture: Straight-backed. Expression: snooty. Age: Same as the other girl. Weight: unknown, but also likely unhealthy.

Aryll smirked. Both prisoners. Both girls. Both allies. This mission could be an easier task than Aryll had previously calculated.

"Hiii," the dirty one wandered over to Aryll, "My name's _Maaaggie._"

Aryll frowned. Intelligence of her fellow hostages hadn't occurred to her. She defiantly needed to recalculate her strategy.

* * *

Link walked out of his house, with his shield on his back. He walked over to the pirates with a smile on his face. Now he was a warrior. Now people could take him seriously. People could respect him. He was a man now, and a man of action at that—

"Wow, that's a decrepit old shield..." Tetra said, "Are you sure you can still use that thing? Are you going to get splinters and cry?"

Link sighed, "I still have a ways to go."

Navi blinked, "What?"

"Well, whatever..." Tetra groaned, "If you're ready, then let's go! Are you ready?"

"As ready as I'll ever be," Link said.

"Alright then," Tetra smiled, "All aboard—"

Link started to head towards a small ship shop by the dock.

"Link!" Navi yelled.

"Alright, alright!" Link huffed, "_Sorry!_"

* * *

The crew scrambled around the deck as they prepared for decoration. Link stood on the stern of the ship trying not to get in the way. One of the pirates struck a gong with a large mallet. The large pirate from the beach was at the helm. The sails were unfurled. Slowly the ship began to glide forward. From where he stood, he could see all of Outset's nine inhabitants standing on the beach, waving. He had better bring Aryll back, he thought with amazement, if he didn't the island's population would decrease by eight percent. He had better come back too, or the island's population would actually drop by seventeen percent.

"Good luck, Link!" the islanders called.

"Good luck finding Aryll!"

"Hope you find her soon!"

"…Or not. It's kind of been of quiet without her waging war on the seagulls."

"Sue Bell! How can you say that?"

"Please find her, Link! I kind of miss hearing the rat-tat-tat of her machine gun in the morning!"

"Yeah! Even though she's a bit of a jerk, and tries to overthrow sea birds everyday, we still love her deep down!"

"I don't. Do you know how much pottery I lost in the war?"

"Shut up, Sue."

"Take care of yourself!"

Link sighed, "Some comfort those guys are."

Link waved half-heartedly to the islanders. Then a hunched figure caught his eye. Standing on the deck outside his house was Grandma. His eyes began to water. He gasped. If Grandma died in addition to him and Aryll leaving, the island's overall population would have been decreased by twenty-five percent! He made a mental note to find Mesa a bride while he was abroad.

"What? You're going to start crying on me now?" Tetra asked.

"Grandma…" Link muttered to himself, "…actually went outside! It's a miracle!"

"Link, you've experienced the act of going in and out doors yourself," Navi said, "Seriously. It's not that impressive."

Link looked at the fairy, "You obviously don't know what my Grandma's like."

Grandma called something out to him. However, Link was too far away from the porch to hear what Grandma was saying. He put both arms up in the air and waved.

"Link! No! Come back!" Grandma cried out, "You still have my pills in your pocket! I need those to live!"

"Thanks, Grandma!" Link smiled, "I love you, too!"

"Noo! Link!" she gasped, "Come back!"

"Don't worry, Grandma!" Link called back, "I'll rescue Aryll!"

"Somebody turn that ship around—!" she turned to one of the inhabitants on the shoreline.

Navi sniffed, "This is such an emotional moment! If only I hadn't left my box of tissues in the other's Link's hat!"

Grandma became a speck in the distance. Link lowered his arms and sighed. He had the nagging feeling that he'd forgotten something.

"Ugh..." Tetra groaned, "How much longer is this going to go on, do you think? Do you have an estimate? Are you sure you shouldn't just quit right now? The blue speck seems to be able to handle it, but I'm not so sure about you, green-hat kid."

"Way to ruin a mood, pirate," Navi huffed.

"Oh come on," Link turned around, "I can take it!"

"Seriously, think about it," Tetra put her arms behind her head, "I can tell you're just going to get more sentimental from here on out. There's still time, you know... Are you sure we shouldn't just turn around and take you back to your island?"

"Hey!" Link exclaimed.

"Actually, as much as I don't like her, she has a point," Navi said, "You don't look built for adventuring, kid."

"Oh, and _you_ are?" Link huffed.

"I've gone on many adventures with my Link," Navi retorted.

"I doubt you could fly across the Great Sea," Tetra replied, "Let alone having your Link swim across."

"And what does your Link have that I don't?"

"Well, actually, it's what you have that he doesn't," Navi pondered, "You think a lot more than he does. You think actions through before doing them. My Link didn't. To put it simply, his stupidity made him fearless."

"Hey, I'm armed with a sword, shield, and telescope," Link replied, "I've got everything any amateur explorer needs to start an adventure."

"Well, that's true," Tetra said, "Not bad for a start. It's an old shield but… But listen, if you even so much as have watery eyes, I'll make you swim back."

Link looked at Outset Island. He didn't need to go back. He was a man now! He didn't need his Grandma to baby him through the world. And, after all, he _was _going to come straight back after he saved his sister. It's not like he was a going on a long, epic, unplanned journey throughout the Great Sea, on a boat, and wouldn't be coming back for a long time! It wasn't _true _parting.

Plus, he didn't feel like swimming.

"No?" Tetra huffed, "Well, then get out of the way if you're not going to work."

Link hopped down from the stern, "Fine then."

The first thing he was going to do, he decided, was to explore the ship. He _was _going to be spending quite a long time on the boat. First thing he was going to do was to find an empty bunk—

"Wow…" Navi looked up, "Look at that mast…"

"What, you've never seen one before or something?"

"Of course I have, you idiot," Navi snapped, "I'll have you know I rode on the H.M.S. Deadpeople."

"H.M.S. Dead…people?" Link echoed, "Wait, I thought you said there weren't any oceans where you were."

"There aren't," Navi said, "It was on a river. The River Styx."

Link's eyebrows rose. "I'm just not going to ask," Link replied, "If you want, we can go up to the crow's-nest."

"Sure."

Link approached the ladder and began to climb up. The higher Link went, the faster the eagerness fled from his face. This ladder was taller than the one on Aryll's Lookout. By the time Link got to the top, he had to drag himself onto the platform. He lay on the ground, wheezing.

"Hmm…I suppose the meeting's canceled, because of that stowaway… Dang…I was look forward to this week's—"

Link looked up. A shorter man caught sight of Link and put a telescope to his eye, sealing his lips.

"Hi…there…" Link waved, "I'm…the new guy…"

The lookout's facial expression didn't even flinch.

"I don't think he's listening to you, Link," Navi hesitated.

"What was…that, you were…saying earlier?" Link smiled.

"I think he's deliberately ignoring you now…"

"So…um…" Link chuckled nervously, "Well…you…uh…"

Awkward silence.

"Okay," Link pointed behind him, "I'm heading back down the ladder. Okay? Okay."

As Link turned around, he saw the lookout blink. It felt like a miracle. Unfortunately, this delight was short lived, since he re-experienced the joys of climbing back down the ladder.

"Let's head below," Navi suggested, "Before that Tetra person accuses us of being in the way."

Link nodded mutely. Below deck he saw what appeared to be a large room near the rear of the ship. Another broad-shouldered pirate stood in front of the door Curious, Link tried to peek around him as they approached.

The big pirate held out his hand.

"Stop right there!" he exclaimed, "This is Miss Tetra's cabin! Most of us _real_ pirates aren't even allowed in here! There's no way we're thinking of letting an outsider in here!"

"But—" Link started.

"Don't you even _think_ it!" the pirate gave Link an intimidating look.

"Okay, okay, I won't," Link said defensively.

"You're probably wondering why we treat young Miss Tetra with so much respect when she's clearly so much younger than us, aren't you now?" the pirate asked.

"I wasn't wondering that at all—" Link started.

"Hmm," Navi said, "I've actually been wondering that for a while now…"

"Now, I won't go saying this in a very loud voice," the pirate looked around cautiously, "but while she may look young…Miss Tetra's actually thirty-five!"

"_What?_" Navi exclaimed.

Link almost fainted.

"HAR!" the pirate let out a loud laugh, "That's a joke, shrimpy."

"Oh, phew," Link wiped his brow, "I thought you were serious for a second there. But, come to think of it, nobody could look that young and be older than 20."

Link could feel Navi glaring at him.

"I suppose it would be just a chance that we lost our last Miss when Miss Tetra was still young," the pirate said, "Whooo…fate is cruel, she is. That's why Miss Tetra took over so young. She owes it to her predecessor. Everyone's come to respect her for that."

Link nodded and pretended to listen. He subtly raised himself on his tiptoes to try and see past the burley man. A sparkle caught his eye. Link's eyes widened. Was that a mountain of jewels he thought he saw?

"For coping with so much, at such an age," the pirate rambled on, "Respect has nothing to do with how many years you've been on the earth. But you're probably too young to understand that."

"That's nice. May I go in?" Link asked.

"Link, were you listening at all?" Navi buzzed up and down.

"No, shrimpy," the pirate crossed his arms, "It's because of you that we haven't been able to return—"

The big pirate covered his mouth.

"Return?" Link raised an eyebrow, "Return what?"

"I've said too much," the pirate blushed, "Now, move along shrimpy… You didn't hear anything… Nope, nothin' at all. Go see what Niko wants with ya…"

"But I—" Link started.

The pirate glared at Link, "Go."

Link sighed and went down the stairs behind him. There, he came into a dimly lit room with torches hanging on ropes. On the floor were slightly raised platforms, which seemed to be scattered at random. At the end was an opened door, elevated high above the ground. Why anyone would do this, Link could not figure out.

"Oh! Well now!" a voice came from the side, "Ahoy there, swabbie!"

Link turned to find out what the source of the voice was. Link saw that small pirate from earlier. He seemed to be brimming with energy.

"As of today... EH-HEH-AHEM!" the pirate coughed loudly, "I am your superior...Niko!"

"Uh, okay," Link said, "I'm Link. And this is Navi."

"…Hi," Navi answered slowly.

"Now, I promise I'll go easy on you so you do as I say, okay?" Niko the pirate nodded.

"Okay," Link said.

"Careful Link," Navi muttered, "I think he might have a short-man complex."

"Right!" Niko said, "Now, first off—hey, nice hat…"

Link paused, "Um…thanks?"

"That's a pretty nice hat. Really nice, actually," Niko said, "I don't suppose you bought it somewhere?"

"Uh, no. My grandmother made it," Link paused, "I think. Well, she made it sound like it's been passed down for generations."

"An antique, I thought so," Niko rubbed his hands together, "I have an eye for these types of things, you see. Don't mind if I take a look do you?"

Link froze.

"You were saying about pirate training?" Navi said with emphasis.

Link visibly relaxed. Nobody was going to see that bald spot.

Niko coughed, "Right. First off, you have to take the test all new pirates have to take. It's a bit of a doozy, so get ready!"

Link prepared himself mentally. He was being trained by a professional pirate. Though Link was already one mean customer, it would be wise to learn tips from one of the terrors of the seven seas.

"You watch everything I'm about to show you real careful-like so you can cram it into your no doubt mushy swabbiebrain!" Niko nodded.

Link watched Niko as he walked by. Without thinking, Niko grabbed onto the tip of Link's hat. Link grabbed it and shoved it on his head even further. After all, he swore that he would jump off a cliff if anyone that wasn't from Outset ever found out about his bald spot. And he had held true to his word. He remembered of the time when he fell off a cliff after Navi lodged in his hat. He made it look like he was going after Aryll. But that was only an excuse.

"Let go!" Link snapped.

Niko reluctantly let go, "Sorry, swabbie. One of the reasons I was allowed to become one of the crew is because I have a bit of a knack with pluderin'."

"A knack?" Navi asked.

"Yep. I'm good at it," Niko nodded, "Ain't nothing in a room that won't pass over my palms. I can knick anything. I'll do it without even noticing."

"Huh…" Link turned to face Niko, "You mean like a…"

"He means he's a kleptomaniac," Navi told Link, "He steals things because he can't help it."

"I know what a kleptomaniac is," Link turned to Navi.

Navi seemed petrified from shock, "You do?"

"Yeah…" Link said.

Navi paused, "…This is defiantly going to take some time to get used to."

"EH-HEH-AHEM!" Niko coughed, "I am _not_ a kleptomaniac. I'm just a good plunderer!"

"Sure," Navi stated.

Niko glared. "Now pay attention!"

"Sorry," Link said.

Niko approached an elevated block on the floor. A switch.

"First off, you gotta press this switch. This is the only easy part," Niko said, "Just walk up to it and tilt Control Stick Up to step on it. Presto! Switch pressed!"

"Wait, what?" Link raised an eyebrow, "'Control Stick'? 'Up'?"

Niko stepped on the switch to demonstrate. Link couldn't see a 'Control Stick' in sight. The boards on the floor twisted upward until they were elevated high up.

"Now—" Niko began.

"What kind of practical purpose does this room have on a pirate ship?" Link asked.

"Umm…uhh…" Niko paused.

"Link, stop being so smart," Navi said, "You're freaking everybody out now."

"But seriously, what other purpose does this room have?"

"Come to mention it, where do those platforms descend into?" Navi said, "We're in the bottom of the ship. Shouldn't that scuttle the ship?"

"I'm surprised there isn't any water gushing in," Link added.

"Now, check it out! After the platforms rise up from the floor, you gotta jump on them," Niko raised his voice.

Niko hopped onto the platform nearest to the ledge.

"Okay, so I was able to jump on the first one myself…but the next one is too far, right?" Niko explained.

"Um… Yeah…?" Link raised an eyebrow.

Niko jumped forward and grabbed onto the rope between the two platforms. He swung back and forth.

"That's when you gotta do THIS! If you jump right at the rope, you can grab onto it and use Control Stick Down/Up to swing," Niko said, "Swing until you get close enough to the next platform then press A to let go and jump to it!"

Niko hopped onto the second platform.

"What?" Link asked, "How do I make this 'Control Stick' in a Down/Up swing? And what is 'A'? You're acting like Orca!"

"Link, just ignore it," Navi sighed, "Even my Link had problems with people who talked to telling him stuff like this."

Link sighed, "At least I'm not the only one…"

"So, you think you get how to do it?" Niko asked.

"No!" Link shouted, "What you just told me has confused me more than anything else!"

Niko somehow teleported across the room and stood at the other end in a mocking manner.

"You have to swing from platform to platform and try to get to the entrance of that room over there!" Niko pointed to the elevated door, "Here's the problem though, swabbie! The platforms only stay raised for a little while, so if you don't get there by the time they drop you have to start over!"

"Big deal," Navi said, "Link probably doesn't even need the platforms to get over to the other side. He can probably just swing from rope to rope."

**Fun Fact: **This is true, to some extent. Out of all the platforms, you only need two of them in order to this exercise. The first platform, and the second last one. Apart from that, you can do the exercise without them.

Niko looked down, "Shoot. Didn't think of that."

Link and Navi both sighed.

"It will probably take you at least one year before you're good enough to make it all the way here. One rough year. One tough year, full of bumps and bruises," Niko nodded, "Of course, if you manage to do it faster, I'll reward you!"

"What is the purpose of this exercise?" Link groaned.

"Link, the game designers are probably preparing you for some weird dungeon scenario which you'll come up against soon," Navi said, "Just do what Niko told you, and get it over with."

"Now, give it a try!" Niko didn't hear Navi's previous statement, "This ought to be good for a chuckle or two!"

Link jumped on the platforms, and went through the exercise. Link was almost finished when the platforms all lowered on him, but since he already passed both of the necessary platforms, Link hopped from rope to rope to mock Niko. Niko jumped back in surprise.

"Whaaaat!" Niko gasped, "You did it already?"

"No duh," Navi said, "This is probably one of the easiest tasks Link will do in the entire game."

"... I... I... I'm proud to have you as..." Niko paused, "As my... As my... underling!"

"I think I've already surpassed you," Link said, "Come on, did _you _get through the last bit of the task with the platforms lowered?"

"I... I wonder if it's okay to just give that to him..." Niko muttered to himself, "...I don't see why not... I doubt I'll get busted..."

"He's obviously ignoring us," Navi told Link; Link nodded.

"All right, swabbie! I'll tell you what!" Niko exclaimed, "You can have the treasure in that chest over there! It's your reward from the great and generous Niko! Hurry and take it before someone comes!"

Link walked over to the chest at the end of the room. DUH DUH DUH NUUUUUUHHHH! Link got…nothing? Wait… Why is the chest empty?

"Oh, wait a minute," Niko paused, "Sorry, swabbie. I thought I hadn't emptied that one yet."

Niko walked over to Link and handed him something. DUH DUH DUH NUUUUUUHHHH! Link got the Spoils Bag! An attempt at a freaky looking bag that, despite its name, does not hold candy. Holds treasure gathered from enemies, but not candy. LAME!

"See, kleptomaniac," Navi said.

"I am not—!" Niko protested.

Tetra's voice came from above deck, _'Hey! Link! We've reached the Forsaken Fortress!'_

"Already?" Link yelled back, I thought Forsaken Fortress was at the other end of the map! But it hasn't even been a full day—"

'_Hurry and get up here!'_ Tetra's voice demanded.

Link sighed, but then smiled. Looked like he _wasn't _taking over the chore of washing the pirate's dirty underwear. In other words, Link was a passenger. And Niko was still the lowest rank on the ladder. Ha ha. Sucker.

"Alrighty, then!" Link smiled.

"Now to save your sister, and maybe find my friend," Navi nodded.

Link was brimming with energy, "Off we go—Where's my left shoe?"

Link and Navi looked at Link's left foot. Sure enough, Link's boot was missing.

Link turned around, "_Niko._ Give me back my shoe."

Niko grumbled and handed Link the shoe. Link attempted to put on his shoe while standing up.

'_What's taking so long?'_ Tetra's voice sounded angry.

"Hold on, just a second here!" Link bounced on the spot.

Link put on his shoe, walked up the stairs, and headed on deck.

* * *

Toon Link: Wait, what? I don't even get to Forsaken Fortress?

Cherry-sama: No. The Forsaken Fortress chapter would be way to long then.

Navi: Why?

Cherry-sama: Aryll's in it.

Toon Link: Ah. That explains everything.

Navi: What?

Aryll: Seagulls beware—ARYLL'S ABOUT! _(Mission Impossible music plays as Aryll goes after seagulls)_


	4. Chapter 4: Escaping and Espionage

**Chapter 4! (the chapter you've all been waiting for! :D)**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Legend of Zelda: the Wind Waker. Or the Zubat Method. That's from a hilarious online T.V. show. ****Or the Internet Phenomenon from 300. ****I also don't own Navi. But I do own the original character I created! Oh yes, be _very_ afraid.**

* * *

Cherry-sama: Hello and—

Toon Link: There's an original _character _in this fanfic.

Cherry-sama: Yes, and?

Navi: Oh no.

Toon Link: This is terrible!

Link: What will we do?

Toon Link: You're not in this fanfic.

Link: Oh shut up. I'm a stunt double. It still worries me!

Cherry-sama: It's not that bad…

Navi: Are you kidding me! It's TERRIBLE!

Cherry-sama: _(sighs)_

Aryll: _(works away at lock) _Almost…almost…!

* * *

Tetra called out from the crow's-nest.

"Hey, Link! Here I am—up here!" Tetra yelled below.

"Oh, come on!" Link yelled, "I was just up there! It takes forever to get up there! Do I—"

"Just get up there!" Navi pushed Link from behind.

"Okay, okay, for the love of Cyclos," Link groaned.

A painstakingly long climb later, Link sprawled onto the floor, and panted heavily.

"I…hate…climbing…ladders…" Link wheezed.

"Link, you need to get in shape," Navi said.

"Says the…fairy…who…stays in my…hat…while I run around…" Link coughed.

"What were you doing with Niko?" Tetra glared at the guy on the floor, "Don't tell me you guys were playing some stupid game for treasure... were you? Please tell me that he didn't give you jewelry."

Link, exhausted as he was, pulled out his Spoils Bag, and showed it to Tetra. As soon as Tetra saw it wasn't shiny, she lost all interest.

"Well, whatever! There's something you need to see!" Tetra sighed, "Have a look over there... That's the cursed isle known as the Forsaken Fortress."

Tetra indicated with her head towards something behind her. Link picked himself off the floor and looked at a gigantic fortress on water. Forsaken Fortress. Spotlights danced over the dark water, and the entire fortress was littered with the remains of pirate ships. Link gazed at the Fortress intently.

"You've got to be kidding me," Link said, "That big bird gets a more awesome looking base than I do?"

"You have a base?" Navi asked.

"My base. Aryll's base," Link shrugged, "Whatever."

"There are all sorts of strange rumors about this place," Tetra said off screen, "What I do know is that long ago, it used to be a hideout of a no-good group of pirates we used to compete with…"

Since Tetra was off screen, Link knew that whatever she had to say _obviously _wasn't important. He looked around. He saw the bird. The Seagull King, as Aryll liked to call it. It sat inside a large nest, which looked too small for it. But it had somehow managed to cram into that wreath of twigs anyway. It looked like it was trying to sleep. But, every time it nodded off, its head would fall, jerking it awake again.

Link also saw that dang red thing by the base of the nest, and for the first time, Link noticed that it was attached to a body. It was a person. A person with red hair.

Link turned away. It wasn't canon, so why should he care anything about it?

"But they were just small-time," Tetra sighed, "Now, the place looks like it's pretty dangerous. Ah! I knew it! Look!"

"Ehh? What?" Link asked.

"That window over there," Navi said.

Navi pointed towards the window, but since her arms were so short, Link couldn't follow her finger.

"Over there!" Tetra said, "By that window!"

Link looked. There were several seagulls trying to get into a particular window. Link squinted. All the seagulls wore green army helmets, held lit sticks of dynamite, and were desperately trying to drop the ammo before it blew up on them. One of the birds exploded.

"Have you ever seen so many seagulls flock like that before?" Tetra asked, "I'll bet you anything that's the place where they've got your sister locked up!"

"I think they're trying to wage war, more than trying to flock, really—" Navi started.

"For the last time," Link yelled desperately, "my sister wasn't kidnapped by the Seagull King!"

There was a long pause.

"We, uh," Navi paused, "never said she was…"

"...But it looks like the whole place is under really tight guard," Tetra paused.

Tetra closed her eyes in contemplation.

"This won't work…" Tetra said to herself, "We'd be spotted before we got anywhere near landing there. Hmmm… What do we do now?"

Tetra suddenly winked at Link.

* * *

"I'm just sittin' on a barrel, on top of a catapult," Link said coolly.

Link looked down.

Link's eyes widened, "On top of a catapult! WAH!"

Sure enough, Link was sittin' in a barrel, on top of a catapult. Now, how the pirates got Link into the barrel and onto the catapult without him figuring out what was happening first, is a mystery. Clearly, the pirates are ninjas. And that statement in itself likely just caused an online war somewhere. Anyway, Link began to thrash about in the barrel, as two pirates make the final adjustments.

Navi flew out of Link's hat, "Whoa, when did that happen?"

"Look, don't struggle. If you really want to get into a dangerous place like that, this is the only way to do it," Tetra told Link, "Trust me. We pirates do this all the time. Don't worry about it! It will be a piece of cake!"

"BUT I'M ON A BLOODY CATAPULT!" Link yelled, "How the heck am I _supposed _to be calm?"

"Well, this isn't half a stupid as some of the deeds my Link did," Navi pondered.

Tetra ignored this, "Is everyone ready!"

One of the pirates saluted.

"Never you fear, kid," Tetra laughed, "We're pros. We're going to launch you good."

"But you didn't even use proper sentence structure!" Link retorted, "How am I supposed to trust you—"

"Yeah! It should be 'we're going to launch you _well_'!" Navi added.

"Three," Tetra yelled.

"I can't believe this is happening," Link's jaw stayed wide open.

"It could be worse," Navi shrugged.

"Two," Tetra yelled again.

"Worse?" Link gasped, "_How?_"

"One!"

The catapult launched Link forward. The pirates at the ship waved goodbye. Link screamed his head off as he soared toward the fortress. As Link flew closer to the window, he began to notice that he _wasn't. _In fact, his trajectory was aiming him slightly to the left—straight for a wall.

With a resounding crash—which nobody noticed—the barrel and Link collided with the stone.

"That's how," Navi said.

Splintered shards rained down, with Link leading the descent. The water was unpleasantly cold. The mystery remains not in the fact that nobody heard the splash, but in the fact that there was no water below where Link had crashed. Somehow Link's sword became unsheathed and twirled out of reach in a physics-defying exit.

The nearest section where Link could climb up looked like a small loading dock of sorts. Link wrung out his tunic and muttered something about how he shouldn't have ever let them lure him into a barrel to begin with.

"Your sword landed all the way up there? Shoot!" a voice said.

Link jumped. He looked around for the source of the sound.

"I'm sorry! I apologize! I guess my aim was off a little bit."

"A _little bit?_" Link retorted reflexively, "You call that a _little bit?_"

"Actually, considering her axis of rotation," Navi said, "Her aim _was _pretty close."

"Heh... Heh... The look on your face... Priceless!" the voice chuckled.

Link pulled something glowing out of his pocket. It was a string holding a blue stone. Or, rather, a blue speck. If it hadn't been glowing, Link wouldn't have been able to see the tiny shard.

"Heh heh…" Tetra's voice chuckled, "I slipped this stone into your pocket just before we fired you over there. It's no ordinary stone, either. It's jewelry. You'd better not lose it! Or I'll—"

"How the crap did you slip this stone into his pocket without me noticing?" Navi asked, "Let alone Link!"

"The same way she got me into a barrel and put me on a catapult without us noticing," Link said.

"I can see what you're doing through this stone, somehow, and obviously you can hear me through it," Tetra's voice echoed, "So... if you see a spikey A, you'd better press that button!"

"But no one's told me how," Link complained, "Where are these buttons you guys keep talking about, anyway?"

"The pirates are just trying to confuse you, Link," Navi sighed, "It's their ninja way."

"I put the stone on your Quest Status screen," Tetra said.

"Wait, my what?" Link blinked.

"Press START and use L or R to scroll around," the voice continued, "It's pretty basic."

Link found himself being unable to formulate words again.

"Hey, but listen carefully!" Tetra's voice snapped, "I need this back after you save your sister, so don't go losing it, you understand? It's shiny. It's jewelry. It's _mine_. You'd better return it by the time you get back…or _else_**.**"

"Okay! Okay!" Link exclaimed, "I get it!"

Link shoved the shard in his back pocket to try and get it to shut up. It was effective, as far as Link could tell.

"Okay, Link," Navi huffed confidently.

"What?" Link turned to Navi.

"You're new to this adventuring business, so I'm going to give you some tips. Since the area is well guarded, we are going to have to sneak around as quietly as possible," Navi told Link, "Now, up this set of stairs, I see a couple of barrels. So, here's the plan. We sneak up the stairs, we grab a barrel, carve it out, and then we sneak across the spotlight riddled-place over there."

Navi pointed to a large clearing with spotlights circling on the floor. Tetra wasn't kidding when she said the place was heavily guarded. Link walked up the flight of stairs and stared at two barrels, which were standing there for absolutely no reason, as far as Link could see.

"And," Navi flew over to one of them, "now I just have to carve out the bottom…"

Navi tipped the barrel slightly.

"Hey! It doesn't have a bottom," Navi smiled, "This is going to save us a lot of time!"

Link turned to the second set of stairs, which lead up to the spotlights.

"Okay, now lift this up, over your head, and—Link, what are you doing?" Navi turned to Link.

Link bolted up the stairs.

"Wait, what the—" Navi flew after the boy, "We were supposed to—"

Link ran into the center of the large clearing, turned to the spotlights, and began waving his arms above his head to get their attention.

"_Yooo hooo_," Link called out, "Over here!"

"No! Link! Don't be an idiot—"

All of the spotlights directed their attention at the boy. Link nonchalantly put his hands up as the alarm bells rang.

"What are you DOING?" Navi yelled at the boy.

"Finding my sister," Link told Navi as some big guards came toward him.

"But when you're caught, you can't _do _anything!" Navi yelled, "Isn't your sister a prime example of that?"

* * *

Meanwhile, in a jail cell, somewhere in Forsaken Fortress…

"Almost…almost…" Aryll smirked.

Aryll adjusted her lock pick in the big lock on the door. She held her tongue absent-mindedly between her teeth. Sweat from exertion ran down her cheek. If she just angled the pick correctly, it'd snap open.

"_Duuhhh…_" she heard the voice of the dirty one from behind her, "How long is she going to be doing that?"

"Hmph!" the cleaner one's voice said, "I don't know! Whatever it is she's even doing, it's certainly uncivilized, that's what! And I've told you before: don't speak to me."

Aryll concentrated on the lock again. She heard a soft 'click'. She smirked. The operation had begun. She stepped back and kicked the door open. The lock skittered across the floor. She grinned wickedly.

"_Heeyy…_" the dirty one chuckled, "Look what _she _did…"

"Oh my word!" the cleaner one exclaimed, "What do you think you're doing?"

"Take that, Seagull Associates!" Aryll laughed.

She could feel both of them staring at her. They didn't seem to realize the gigantic feat Aryll had just pulled. But then again, she realized three hours ago that her cellmates weren't normal. Cellmates aside, the operation had just begun. Stage One: Break out of jail…check. Stage Two: Retrieve Weapons.

"It's time to advance to the second stage," Aryll said to herself.

"Does this mean we're free?" the stupid one asked.

Aryll paused. Despite how obtuse these two companions were, leaving them in captivity was not an option. The Seagull King's Followers would probably torture them to get information about Aryll's whereabouts. Taking them with her was not an option either. Their lack of military expertise would slow her down. She had one option. Aryll had to use them as a diversion while she found the storehouse where her equipment was.

Aryll turned to the two of them, "Your aliases?"

"…Whaaaat?" the dirty one asked.

"She's asking for our names, you uncivilized buffoon," the cleaner one smacked the dirty one on the top of her head with her fan.

"Oh… My name's _Maaaggie_…" the dirty one said.

"And I am Mila von Schmied," the cleaner one curtsied, "Pleasure to meet your acquaintance."

"Alright, soldiers" Aryll nodded, "we're busting out of here."

"We are?" Maggie asked.

"Affirmative," Aryll gave a swift nod, "However, in order to accomplish our goal, we will need to take down the kingpin. Otherwise, our efforts will be wasted."

The girls looked at her intently. They seemed to be understand thus far.

"First," Aryll looked around, "We will need to scout out the area to see where the leader rests."

Aryll pulled out two flare guns out from under her dress. She handed one to each of them. DUH DUH DUH NUUUUUUHHHH! Agents Maggie and Mila each got a Flare Gun!

"Now," Aryll looked at both of them, "Fire this at the sky if you are about to get caught."

"_Alriight_…" Maggie giggled.

"Wait a minute here!" Mila snapped her head to Aryll, "How will firing a gun when we are about to get caught be beneficial at all?"

Agent Mila was clearly smarter than Agent Maggie, "When you fire your gun, we will know where you are, and stay clear of that area. Understand?"

Agent Mila raised her eyebrow. Obviously, her sign of approval.

"Alright," Aryll looked from one girl to the other, "Whatever you do, don't get caught!"

"Yes, ma'me," Mila hid the gun in the folds of her skirt.

"Golly…" Maggie laughed, "I've never been _this important_ before…"

"Meet back here if you find anything," Aryll said, "Repeat. Meet back here if you find _anything!_"

Aryll watched the girls head off in scattered directions. Aryll took a different direction, and headed out the door.

* * *

Meanwhile…in a jail cell in a different part of the complex…

Link was thrown onto the floor of the cell. A little tune played in the background as he landed: "Doo doo doo do dum". Link picked himself off the floor.

"Great going, genius," Navi buzzed, "_Now _how are you going to get out?"

Link examined his jail cell. There was a large table, and a bookshelf. On the shelf, there was a lone jar.

"It's not like you have explosives or anything to get out of here," Navi grumbled, "Heck, do you have _any _equipment besides that bag you got from Niko?"

Link climbed up onto the table, "I have a telescope."

"Well, then why didn't you use that to scout out your surroundings before leaping ahead without thinking?" Navi asked, "Or, better yet, why don't you use that dang telescope in place of your sword? It may not have a blade, but you could at least beat your enemies to death!"

"Hey, that's not a bad idea…" Link paused.

"Honestly, think next time before doing something stupid like that!" Navi buzzed up and down.

"I did think before going out there," Link said, "And, honestly, I'm quiet surprised that they didn't throw me in the same cell as Aryll."

"Oh, so that was your master plan," Navi sighed, "Your plan was to get captured and be put in the same jail cell as your sister."

"Yeah, and?" Link asked.

"Well, think about it, Link," Navi glared at the boy, "Aryll is a girl. A helpless little girl. You are a boy. You, if you were armed, you could break the two of you out. Of _course _they put you in a different cell!"

"I wouldn't call Aryll a helpless little girl," Link said.

"Whatever," Navi groaned, "Whoever's in charge here wouldn't know that!"

"Well, excuu—" Link started.

Navi gave the boy an evil glare. Link immediately shut himself up. Wandering around the room, Link examined it closely. He tapped the bookshelf and shook it slightly. Satisfied he climbed onto the table and leapt on top of the bookshelf. Navi watched him quizzically. Link kicked the jar off with his foot. The ceramic vessel shattered on the floor, revealing a yellow rupee. More importantly there was a hole in the wall where the pot had been sitting before.

"Mind getting that for me?" Link asked, nodding his head toward the yellow rupee.

"Wow," Navi paused, grabbing the rupee, "This is the worst jail cell ever."

Link crawled through the tunnel and landed on the other side of the bars. He dusted himself off.

"There, that wasn't difficult," Link said.

"Yeah, sure," Navi grumbled.

Link walked farther down the hallway and came across a platform with a treasure chest on it. He opened it up and…DUH DUH DUH NUUUUUUHHHH! Link got the Dungeon Map! Wait, map? Who would leave the map of the entire Fortress near a jail cell?

"Cool, I got the map," Link said.

"Honestly," Navi paused, "If it was that easy for you to escape _and_ get a map, then how hard could finding your sister be?"

* * *

Aryll peered above the railing and inspected the perimeter. Six spotlights searched both the inside and the outside of the Fortress. Each of the spotlights produced by a strange contraption. Each seemed to be controlled by a minion. A minion of the enemy.

Aryll clenched her fist. That birdbrain was going down.

An alarm rang out. Drat. The Seagull King was aware of her escape.

A flare shot up into the sky. The small ball of fire left a trail of smoke behind it. Aryll knitted her brow—this unexpected siren could only mean one thing. One of her decoys had been caught.

Aryll was willing to bet it was Agent Maggie. However, Aryll's intuition told her that it was Agent Mila.

Aryll heard the sound of wings beating. She took cover in a corridor behind her, putting her hand on her pistol. The Seagull King flew overhead, and toward the flare. Aryll frowned. If they hadn't confiscated that bazooka of hers, she could have blasted the bird out of the sky and been done with it.

She needed to find the weapon's storage room. If the Seagulls distributed Aryll's ammunition, then the odds were definitely against her. But then Aryll remembered: birds don't have fingers to pull triggers.

"Dang it all!" shouted a voice from what seemed to be from the Seagull King, "We had all three of them under top security! How the _heck _did they manage to escape?"

Aryll squinted her eyes. On the back of the Seagull King was a human figure. Age: Unknown. Height: Unknown, but probably a bit shorter than Link. Hair colour: mix between auburn and a striking red. Hair length: too long. Gender: Unknown, but judging by the pitch of the voice, most likely male. Status: Not canon.

Aryll bit her lip. If she hadn't lent her Telescope to her onii-chan, she would be able to determine more of his stats. However, she knew enough to understand the situation. A hostage. The dang Seagull King wasn't only holding those other two girls as hostages, but he also had taken another person—assumed to be male—under his confinement. This was madness!

Aryll had a violent urge to yell "SPARTA!" but she knew it was a bad idea, so she restrained herself.

But this proved one thing above all others. Aryll _had _to get back the rest of her weaponry. Too many lives were at stake for the Seagull King to continue his reign over the Great Sea. There were too many innocent civilians at risk of being crushed by the Seagull King's evil claws. The Seagull King must be stopped. All in the name of peace…at least, that was what Grandma would have wanted her to say.

* * *

"What was that?" Navi asked.

Link looked up to the sky, pausing in his ladder climb. A small ball of fire had shot up into the sky, and was now leaving a trail of smoke behind it.

"A flare," Link's eyes widened, "Aryll's in trouble!"

"Umm…" Navi paused, "Not to burst your bubble, Link, but why would she know you were here?"

"Oh yeah," Link paused, "I guess flares are used to signal people. And unless she knew I was here, she wouldn't shoot that… It would draw too much attention to her current position."

"Either way," Navi flew towards Link, "We should still check it out."

"Yeah, yeah," Link rolled his eyes, "Just let me just see what's up here…"

Link climbed up the ladder a bit more, but then took a rest. Link panted. Boy, he hated ladders. Link swallowed to try to hydrate his throat. Link felt a buzzing in his pocket, and some blue light rippled out.

"You dummy!" Navi buzzed up and down, "I thought the director said 'No Cell Phones on set'! She's gonna kill us!"

"No, I don't think it's my cell…" Link looked at his pocket, "I put the song 'Weightless' as my ring tone."

"Gah," Navi said, "How I hate running gags…"

"Pardon?" Link raised an eyebrow.

"Never mind," Navi said, "Say, if it isn't your cell, then shouldn't it be Tetra's Gossip Speck?"

"Oh, probably," Link took another step up the ladder.

"Well, aren't you going to answer it?" Navi asked.

"Nah," Link said, "She's probably not going to tell me anything important. Besides, she probably won't care whether or not I pick up."

* * *

Meanwhile…in a pirate ship behind a rock…

"ANSWER, DANG YOU!" Tetra yelled at her glowing hunk of rock.

* * *

"Well, if you say so…" Navi paused.

Link continued his trek up the ladder. After what seemed like a long time, Link finally reached the top. Link bent over and caught his breath.

"Fatso," Navi muttered.

"Hey, I'm not…fat…" Link heaved, "I just hate climbing ladders, okay?"

"Umm, Link?" Navi looked up, "You may want to take cover."

Link raised an eyebrow. Navi pushed Link over, back onto the ladder. Link managed to grab onto the top rung, and was about to yell at Navi, but then he saw that large bird fly over them.

"Stupid…jerk," a loud grumbling was heard between the loud wing flaps of the bird, "Stupid…girls. If I was back on…I wouldn't be…"

The bird swooped down, and grabbed something below with its talons. It began to flap its way toward a platform. The person in its claws was dropped onto the platform, in which another, smaller, monster took the person into the building behind it.

"Are you sure that wasn't your sister?" Navi squinted, "I'm pretty sure I saw blond hair there…"

"No," Link climbed back up, "Aryll's smarter than that."

"But then who was that?"

"Don't know," Link shrugged.

"Don't you care?"

"She's not my sister. So…no."

Link looked forward again. There was a Bokoblin manning a contraption that worked the spotlight. Luckily for Link, it didn't seem to notice the boy in the bright green tunic and bright yellow hair against the night sky and dark stone.

"Okay, good," Navi smirked, "Now, when he sees you, he's going to want to fight you."

Link spotted a large jar in the corner.

"And when he does," Navi smiled, "You could hold up your shield. If he smacks you hard enough, it might make him drop his weapon—"

Link trotted over to the large jar, and picked it up. He ran up to the Bokoblin. It turned its head and looked at him.

"Eat this, fat face," Link had a stern expression on his face.

Link threw the gigantic jar at the Bokoblin. The blow was so powerful that the Bokoblin flew backwards. The jar, of course, shattered on impact. Three stylized sticks fell out.

"Hey, cool," Link smiled, "Weapons. I'm armed now!"

"Well, that's convenient," Navi said.

Link picked up one of the sticks and threw it at the Bokoblin. The beast flew backwards, and went up in a poof of smoke.

Link smirked, and then giggled slightly, "_Ohhhh_, who's the man? Huh? Who's the beast _now_, Navi? Huh? Huh?"

"Link, you had just gone through the most spontaneous and random way of defeating an enemy, I'll give you that," Navi said, "But that wasn't a very impressive battle. Heck, _fat face?_ That enemy wasn't even remotely fat! Why the crap did you call him fat face?"

Link noticed something come out of the poof of smoke. Link wandered over to it. DUH DUH DUH NUUUUUUHHHH! Link got a Joy Pendant! A beautiful butterfly pendant that flocks around happiness like butterflies flock around nectar…or something cheesy like that. It's absolutely useless to you unless you are a big fan of wearing this kind of stuff.

"Wait, you got jewelry?" Navi asked, "Excellent! Now we can give it to Zelda! Maybe _now_ she'll actually pay you!"

"Umm…" Link paused, "What?"

"Oh right," Navi said, "Wrong Link."

Link dropped the stick.

"Wait, what are you doing?" Navi paused, "Aren't you going to take that with you?"

"Naw," Link shrugged, "It won't fit in my inventory."

"But it's something to fight with!" Navi exclaimed, "Can't you just carry it on your back?"

Link turned to the ladder, "Don't feel like it."

"Gaaaahhhhh…." Navi groaned, "Well, one thing's for sure. Princess Zelda would never hire you."

Link hoisted himself on the ladder.

"Honestly," Navi huffed, "She hired my Link years ago to collect jewelry for her, and she still hasn't paid him. Does she actually intend on paying him at all? Or 'employee' a new way of saying 'slave'?"

"I honestly have no idea what you're talking about," Link sighed.

Link hopped down into the first area.

"Wait, Link, no!" Navi slapped her forehead, "What are you _doing?_"

Link ran into the pools of light dancing around the barrack. He just knocked out one of the two spotlights, but that didn't matter. Link danced around in circles, and flailed his arms wildly.

"No! Link! Stop!" Navi called out, "I can give you a lift if you want—"

The alarm rang out through Forsaken Fortress. Link lifted his arms in the air, where the spotlight focused it's light.

Doo doo doo do dum.

* * *

Alarms rang out. In his large bed, the man moaned. He cracked his shoulder and stiffly tumbled over. His shoulder was probably the first thing that hit the cold floor. It felt the most dislocated, for starters.

He withheld an exclamation of pain. The pain passed. His lower lip sagged open. He felt a puddle of drool collect at the side of his mouth. His finger twitched. His blanket had been tugged down with him.

Sleep. The one word that echoed through the man's mind: sleep. The notion seemed so amenable, and so simple. The edge of his mouth cracked into a subconscious smile.

Cold. The man's mouth frowned. He pulled the blanket up higher. His feet were cold now. His eyebrow twitched. He realized that his flesh was stuck to the cobblestones. He moved his arm. It felt like a sticky pile of gelatin. Making the slightest movement resulted in a ripping sensation. He'd much rather not move—just fall asleep where he was.

His open mouth sank lower into its frown. At some point or another, he'd have to get up. He'd have to go back into his bed. This was a dilemma.

Either the pain he would feel or the steadily increasing cold would wake him up further. This wasn't acceptable.

His ear twitched by the sound of the waves. He hadn't fallen onto his home fortress's floor. Condensation mixed with a cool surface—this was the Great Sea. His cheek had moisture in it.

By now the puddle of drool had started to seep under his cheek, and dribble towards his ear. Sleep was so desirable. Just like the power of the Sacred Realm was so many years ago. No. It wouldn't be like that. He wouldn't let this simple human function evade him, like that power so long ago. He was so close to attaining this paradise, just like he was now close again to finding the other—

Alarms rang out again. He felt his eyebrows knit in response to his welling irritation. He sloppily lifted one arm up, and placed its palm onto the cold floor.

The goddesses mocked him. He peeled himself reluctantly from the stone floor. He wiped the drool off the side of his cheek.

His blanket rippled off of his shoulders to reveal a lack of a shirt. The man cracked his neck. Now that he was halfway up, he might as well do something productive.

"MOE!" the man bellowed.

There was a long pause before a big Moblin waddled into the room. This Moblin had absolutely no distinguishing features apart from the fact that he looked slightly stupider than all the others.

"Moe, what is going on?" the man growled, "Why in the Goddesses' name do the alarms keep sounding?"

"_Duuuhhh_…" the Moblin looked up to ponder something, "Dat's because the prisoners keep escapin'!"

"WHAT? Escaping? I insisted that they must be heavily guarded! Wasn't that brat with the guard? I specifically instructed—"

"Well," Moe held the stupid expression on his face, "We'd gotten one of thems back already…"

"One," the man held up his finger, "Out of three."

"Uhhhh… Nopes," Moe nodded, "It was defiantly four! Yup! One, two, three, four!"

"Four?" the man raised an eyebrow, "We have four girls now?"

"Uhh, nopes!" Moe exclaimed, "One is a boi, I think. We founds him running around heres."

"Four…" the man stroked his chin.

"And dere's a pirate ship hidin' behind a rock over dere," Moe pointed out the window.

"Moe, if we're lucky," the man didn't seem to hear, "then we may have the last holder of the Sacred Triangle in our clutches."

"Hee hee," Moe chuckled, "I think dat one gurl looks _puuuuuuuurdy_…"

The man glared at the monster pig, "I should have known better than to ask for you. Trying to have an intellectual conversation with you is like trying to have an intellectual conversation with a Bokoblin. The only difference is that you can actually talk."

"Dem Bokoblins don't know nothin'!" Moe chuckled, "All dey can do is squeal all day. Nothin' more."

The man paused. He wouldn't call it squealing. More like an annoying nattering than a squeal.

"Whatever," the man combed back his hair, "Get me that boy… That rider boy…"

"_Duuuhhh_," Moe lifted up a finger, "I thinks he's busy tryin' to get da gurls back, boss."

The man groaned. Oh well. At least that whiny brat was doing his job. At least part of it.

"Whatever," the man adjusted himself, "Bring me that boy in half an hour or so. I am going to try and rest. If those alarms go off _one more time_…"

"Would ya like us to turn dem off?" Moe asked.

"NO!" the man yelled, "That's the last thing you should do!"

"_Awwlright_," Moe nodded, "Sleep tight, boss."

The man heaved. He grabbed his blanket, plucked his body off of the floor, and crawled onto the bed. He got into a comfortable position. He shut his eyes. He could see them. Mmmm… A crowd of Gerudo women… _Mmmmmm_… Lots of them. _Lots_. Mmmm…

* * *

A Moblin turned around suddenly. It's beady eyes glared at the horizon around it. It had heard something. Something that sounded like escapee. It held out its lantern towards the darkness.

It saw a small poof of dust erupt from underneath a barrel behind him. He glared at the barrel. The barrel didn't move. The Moblin didn't quite seem to remember the barrel being that close to it. Wasn't it a couple more meters away?

…Nah. The Moblin turned around, and continued doing its rounds.

"Great going, idiot," a female voice came from the barrel.

"It didn't catch me!" a boy's voice came from the barrel.

"Well, it almost did!" the female voice nattered, "Be careful, next time!"

The barrel lifted itself up higher, and a pair of boots was now visible. The boots walked forward. Unaware of what was on the ground before it, one of the boots kicked a small rock, and sent it scuttling out ahead of the barrel.

The Moblin turned around suddenly. It defiantly heard something that time. It sniffed the air. The Moblin glared at the barrel. He saw that small puff of dust again. But, besides that, nothing seemed unordinary. Except that the barrel seemed a little closer to it.

The Moblin shrugged, and continued its guard duty.

"That was a close one," the boy's voice whispered.

The barrel lifted itself up again, and the pair of legs reappeared. They began to walk forward. Unfortunately for the barrel, seeing where it was going was rather difficult. It banged itself up against the wall. The barrel dropped over the legs. Fortunately, the Moblin didn't seem to notice.

The barrel began to crawl forward again. It let out a small sigh. Who in their right mind would carve out the bottom of every barrel in the complex? Right, the barrel remembered. This was a fanfic. Nothing made sense.

Halfway across the room, the barrel seemed to be getting the hang of things. It strode forward confidently. It was the barrel! It was the boots! It was a mean, green sneaky machine—

The barrel crashed into another barrel. It froze. The barrel dropped over its boots again. The Moblin looked around. A larger cloud of dust went up this time. Wait. Was that barrel always beside that other one? The Moblin shrugged and moved on.

"Hey! Watch it!" a fierce whisper came from the second barrel.

The second barrel lifted itself up, revealing a pair of legs with sandals on it. The second barrel kicked the first barrel.

"Owww…" the boy's voice moaned.

"Wait a minute…" the female voice paused.

"_Aryll?_" the first barrel seemed to shake from the outcry.

The Moblin swerved around. It heard something. Another burst of dust. Do barrels usually do that? The Moblin's eyes examined the barrels. He then moved on…keeping an eye on the barrels.

"Aryll, what are you doing here?" the first barrel whispered.

"Busting out, of course," the second barrel sounded confident.

"But that's our job!" the boy voice whispered.

"Onii-chan, stay out of this if you don't want to get hurt," the second barrel hissed warningly.

"Wait," the female voice came from the first barrel, "if you're here, we can get out of here. We've got your sister, now all that's left is—"

"Can't go yet!" the second barrel huffed, "The Seagull King took most of my ammunition."

If the barrel could raise an eyebrow, it would, "_Most_ of it?"

"Okay, okay," the boy's voice sighed, "We'll get your ammo, and them we'll leave."

"No!" the second barrel protested, "The Seagull King must be destroyed! I can't leave until that happens."

"_Aryll_…" the boy's voice sighed.

"It won't take long. I promise, onii-chan," the second barrel radiated with confidence.

"Do you realize what he's been through to get you?" the female voice hissed.

"I was put into a barrel, and shot off a catapult," the boy voice said nonchalantly.

"Nice!" came from the second barrel.

The first barrel could feel the second barrel giving them a thumbs up. The first barrel wasn't sure whether it liked this feeling or not…

"Look, Miss Military," the female voice hissed from the first barrel, "Get whatever was confiscated from you, and then we're getting out of here. And that's final."

"I can't," the second barrel said bluntly, "I can't abandon the hostages."

"Whoa," the boy's voice seemed amazed, "The Seagull King has hostages?"

"Link!" the female voice whispered harshly, "I can't believe you're buying this!"

"Oh…" the boy's voice paused, "You mean the other girls kidnapped from all re—"

"Two of them are female, yes," the second barrel huffed, "But one of them is male. Over."

"Male?" the boy's voice paused, "Are you sure?"

"Positive," the second barrel seemed to nod, "A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead. Just like those old dumb blonde jokes. Only this time, it's the brunette that's dim witted."

The first barrel paused. Redhead. That non-canon red spot on the Seagull King's back. The first barrel sighed. She thought that human was a hostage. Not a minion.

"Listen, Aryll," the boy's voice sighed, "The redhead isn't a hostage…"

"Now…" the second barrel sounded like it was plotting, "In order to save all three of them, I'm defiantly going to need that bazooka they confiscated…"

"ARYLL!" the first barrel stood up, "Listen to me! You might just be wasting time when you—"

The Moblin swerved around! He defiantly heard that! And, sure enough, when it looked at the two barrels, one of them had a pair of boots! Barrels don't wear boots! They don't have feet to wear them! The Moblin threw its lantern at the first barrel and the alarm bells rang out through the fortress.

The first barrel sighed, and lifted the hollow barrel over its head, to reveal Link and Navi. The Moblin waddled over to them. Link lazily lifted his arms up. The Moblin took them away.

Doo doo doo do dum.

When the Moblin came back, the second barrel was still there, but farther ahead than the Moblin remembered it. The Moblin paused. Considering there was a Hylian underneath the first barrel, and there were two other hostages left running around the fortress, the Moblin shouldn't take its chances.

It waddled over to the second barrel. It lifted it up. What greeted him was a small little girl in an army hat, armed with a flare gun. The girl pointed the flare gun at the Moblin. She pulled the trigger.

The Moblin's body spiraled around the room, and exploded into a corner. The light from the flare lit the room. The Moblin's body went up in a poof of smoke. Something dropped out of it. Aryll dropped the barrel over top of her head again, and waddled over to the goods.

DUH DUH NUUUUUUHHHH! The barrel got a Skull Necklace!

* * *

"You got caught AGAIN?" Navi buzzed up and down, "Are you even _trying _anymore?"

"I was trying to begin with?" Link turned to Navi.

"Oh my _Farore!_" Navi growled, "This is your sister's life on the line! And you're not even stopping yourself from getting caught?"

"Her life's on the line?" Link asked, "I'm more concerned about everything living in this _fortress_ than I am about her!"

"Well, hurry up and help her get out of here!" Navi hissed, "I'm getting tired of being here!"

"Okay, okay," Link sighed, "Let me check the map, and…"

Link pulled out his map and compass. Despite the fact that he had not gained the compass on screen, he used it anyway. The Zubat method, people. He examined the map carefully.

"Hey, look!" Link said, "I missed a chest!"

"Gaaahh…" Navi sighed.

"Wait," Link paused, "Who are these other cursors?"

A short time later…

"Link! Hurry up! We don't have time for this!"

"_Wheeee!_" Link grinned widely.

"Link, will you stop swinging on the rope like that?" Navi buzzed, "We've got to save your sister!"

"Hey! There are no swing sets on Outset!" Link continued to swing back and forth, "Give me a break here!"

"But they haven't been invented yet!" Navi yelled.

"That's why!" Link retorted triumphantly.

* * *

Aryll rolled across the room, to the wall on the other side. She pulled out her last gun with ammo and pointed it to the room in front of her. Nothing. Aryll rolled to the other side of the room again, and put her back to the wall. Aryll glanced back and forth around a corner. Sidling expertise ran in the family.

Status of the next room: For the most part, Empty. Furnishings: a few bunk beds. Hygiene: rats running around. Enemy concentration: nothing she couldn't handle.

Aryll smirked, and stood upright. She twirled her gun around her finger and fastened it on her waist, ignoring the couple of dead Moblins behind her. She heard them go up in a poof of smoke.

Good thing enemies disappear after you kill them, Aryll thought, otherwise, she'd have to find a closet to hide the bodies in. And there didn't seem to be a closet in sight.

Aryll noted a small chest in the corner. Beside it, a pile of idle guns. Aryll's lips split into a grin. She had already found the rest of her firearms. Stage two was almost accomplished.

Aryll searched the room once more for security. She saw a stone carving of a Moblin on the wall.

Aryll saw a fresh track of scorch marks on the floor.

A Seagull Security system. Aryll knew it. Those birds were gaining too much power. The Seagull King had used magic to create a device to keep her from retrieving her weaponry. Blast that bird; not only was world enslavement and dictatorship in his ultimate goal, but now he had set up traps to keep her from restocking.

Aryll pulled her helmet down over her eyes a little more. She tightened the strap under her chin, and readjusted her belt. She paused. She looked down. She remembered she didn't have a belt anymore.

She held her gun out in front of her. To double check that the safety was off. She loaded a couple of remaining bullets into the gun. She looked in front of her.

She bolted. She heard a 'snap' from the direction of the statue—sure enough, the statue began to glare at her, shooting laser beams out of its eyes.

Dang, Seagull Technology was advanced.

She was an arms reach from her supplies. She heard the pair of lasers scorch the ground behind her. To throw the security system off guard, she did a barrel roll to the side. She saw the beams follow her every movement. She lurched for the pile of guns, and—

DUH DUH NUUUUUUHHHH! Aryll retrieved enough Fire Arms and Ammunition to supply an entire army! These weapons of mass destruction really shouldn't be in the possession of children of any age. Or adults of any age. Or grandparents of any age… Who sells this kind of stuff to a little girl anyway?

Aryll pulled up the START Menu and equipped her bazooka. She spun the blaster around to the stone statue on the wall.

"HASTA LA VISTA, BABY!" Aryll screamed.

The giant missile went spiraling toward the Moblin statue on the wall.

* * *

A Bokoblin stared at his screen. He lurched backward, and covered his face reflexively. He then turned, and began nattering to an Iron Knuckle behind him. He pointed at his screen.

"What?" the Iron Knuckle exclaimed, "We lost footage from the bunk room?"

The Bokoblin nodded, and let out a guttural sound that sounded like a kind of purring.

The Iron Knuckle turned around, "Sound the alarm!"

* * *

"You've got to be kidding me!" whispered a boy's voice from under the barrel, "They've found me _again?_

"

"No, I don't think so…" a female voice paused, "Maybe they caught one of the other people…"

"That's unlikely…" the sound of paper accompanied the boy's voice, "See? The map shows both of the other people on the map."

Alarms rang out again, only they sounded farther away.

"Oh, one of them is caught," the boy's voice said, "That cursor is being transported over to that other room…"

"You think it's your sister?" the female voice asked.

"My sister? Aryll?" the boy voice withheld some snickering, "Are you _trying _to make me laugh?"

"N-No," the female voice whispered, "Just…just don't get caught again! Or else I'll—"

"Okay! Okay!" the boy's voice whispered, "I won't!"

* * *

The familiar sound of annoying ringing erupted across the fortress.

"Oh come on, AGAIN?" yelled the redhead.

The redhead's face scrunched up, and he clenched his fists. One of his fists wrapped itself around a rock.

"I've just come back from the other side of the stupid map!" the redhead yelled, "And ever since I've come back, it's nothing but 'retrieve this prisoner' this and 'don't sleep tonight' that!"

The redhead chucked the rock in his hand in the general direction of the center of the fortress.

"Okay, you know what?" the redhead lowered his voice a little bit, "Screw it! Those guards are going to take the prisoner back!"

The gigantic bird in the nest ruffled its feathers. The redhead seemed to become aware of the fact that nobody he wanted to yell at could hear him, and, in essence, was talking to himself. The boy readjusted himself, and grabbed an apple he had beside him. He grabbed a large blade and began peeling. He peeled off more of the apple itself than he did peel.

The bird caught a whiff of the apple's scent. It turned toward the source, and began to eye the fruit hungrily.

The boy glared over his shoulder, "Like heck you're getting some of this!"

The boy nudged the closest part of the bird. The bird turned its head away a bit, but still watched the fruit out of the corner of its eye.

The redhead continued peeling away. He looked out in front of him, and examined the fortress idly. Stone walls, stone corridors, stone rooms, stone stone stone. It's like this island was _designed_ to keep out heat. And when the northern winds got strong enough, they would tunnel through the hallways, and almost sweep one off one's feet.

It also didn't help that all he was given for clothing was a thin shirt. Stupid fortress—

The boy squinted. One of the spotlights was out. Were they changing the guard? Another one of the spotlights swerved out of position. He squinted. He saw the dot that he assumed to be a Bokoblin up against a green and yellow speck. A poof of smoke was seen. He held his apple pensively. How strange. But then again, that _is _how they changed the guard around here. But a green and yellow Bokoblin?

A large beak lurched down, and snatched away the peeled apple. The boy swerved around, and saw as the bird gulped it down.

"H-Hey!" the redhead yelled, "What was that!"

If the boy didn't know better, he could have sworn he saw the bird smile. An aura of extreme satisfaction filled the air.

"You jerk!" the boy stood up, "That was my apple!"

The bird screeched at the boy's face. The bird's breath alone ruffled his hair. The strength of the air impacting his face made him take a step backward to keep him from falling over. When the bird stopped and its beak closed, the boy glared at it.

"Bad bird!" the boy smacked the beak.

As the boy sat down again, he could feel the bird's triumphant aura.

The boy huffed, to appear unnerved, "I'll just eat the peel."

He picked up some of the remaining scraps of peel. He gulped, and couldn't withhold a repulsed look. …He _hated_ the peel.

A little girl ran out onto the ledge. He looked up. A giant bazooka was hoisted on her shoulder, and aimed straight at the bird.

"DIE, SEAGULL KING!" she screamed.

"WHAT THE CRAP?" the redhead shrieked, jumping a foot in the air.

* * *

A loud 'kaboom' echoed through the stone walls of the island. Link looked up. He saw that large bird as it began to panic. It flapped around wildly, and its large feathers flew everywhere. The commotion looked like it had made the person fall off the platform—for it was now dangling on the ledge. Another 'kaboom' echoed. This time Link saw the gigantic bullet whiz past.

Looks like Aryll had made it to the Seagull King's nest.

Alarm bells were deafening this time. Link saw on his map that the last little cursor was being dragged back to its prison cell. He was now the only one who wasn't still in jail.

Link paused. How'd they manage to take Aryll hostage again? And so quickly?

Link sighed. Looks like he really _did_ have to rescue her after all. Wow. _Him rescuing_ _Aryll_? Just thinking that thought made him feel supernatural. He didn't think it was possible that Aryll would need _his _rescuing.

"Link, what are you doing!" a familiar voice came from his hat, "The last spotlight is just up there! Hurry it up!"

"Alright, alright already!" Link moaned.

Sheesh, this fairy was annoying. She wouldn't let him space out in peace. How did the other Link put up with her?

Link heaved his way up, hopefully, his last ladder for the rest of the evening. Every time he lifted his arm up, he remembered the pain and agony he hated from every other ladder he had climbed before. Ugh. This was the worst birthday ever.

Link scrambled onto the top of the ledge, and wheezed for a bit. He found it strange that the Bokoblin only a few meters away couldn't hear him. After he caught his breath, he looked for a vase. Like all the other spotlights, there was a random jar on the ledge. Link picked up the vase, and chucked it at the Bokoblin. Before the Bokoblin could react properly, Link threw two sticks at it.

It went up in a poof of smoke, like the other two. Unfortunately, there wasn't Joy Pendant. He only had gotten one so far. Wait, this was unfortunate?

Link looked up, and watched the spotlights as they broke themselves. He smirked. Oh, what a sneaky beast he was—now he could roam around the fortress undetected. He could almost prance past the front door, and not be spotted. Undetected. Completely undetected.

Except for the Moblins. But, whatever. Aryll probably took most of them out, anyway.

Link continued along the Fortress. Navi floated idly beside him. He wasn't sure why she was doing that at first, but then he occasionally saw her pick up a couple of things on the fortress floor and fly off into his hat. This disgusted him at first, but then Navi came up with the excuse of "_I'm decorating. It's so bland in my apartment right now. Nya nya nyeeeaaaa._" He knew he couldn't convince her otherwise, so he decided that the best thing to do was to distract her. Let her talk about herself. People loved talking about themselves, Link remembered, and that was probably the same for Navi. If she got distracted by the conversation, that would mean less stuff off the floor being put into his hat.

"So, Navi…was it?" Link turned to the ball of light.

"I told you not to forget my name!" Navi huffed, "You idiot!"

Link rolled his eyes, "I was just making sure I got it right. Sheesh. Anyway…"

"Yes?"

"What is your Link like?" Link asked, "He's obviously not like me at all, since you keep getting surprised when I be myself. He has to be quite different from me, then."

"Well, yes," Navi said, "He is a LOT different. One main difference between him and you is that you think things through. Throughout all my adventures with him, I don't think he stopped and thought about the consequences of his actions. Not once!"

"Hmm," Link paused.

"I mean, I remember back when we started adventuring together, he didn't even know we were going to the shopping mall! He just followed me out of the Kokiri Village! Just like that!"

Link found that he was losing interest, "Uh-huh."

"And, well, let me tell you about the time where we went to the Princess's Castle. And let me tell you, that was no easy task…"

* * *

The redheaded boy from before was thrown to the floor. As his face hit the floor, he could hear the two Moblin guards turn to leave. The boy knew what they were thinking. They had brought him to their leader, as instructed, and had finished their role.

The boy picked himself off the floor. He massaged his jaw. He stopped when he saw the person who summoned him, glaring at him. Fully clothed, and was probably gonna chew his ear off. The boy's ear, that is.

The boy chuckled. The mental image of his superior trying to chew his own ear off was—

"Get your insignificant hide off the ground," the man said from his clenched teeth.

He saw the man's lip lift at the side. It was as if he was baring his teeth at him.

"Now."

The boy turned his head away from the man. He wanted to sit on the floor, the boy thought. What was the man gonna do about it?

The man lifted up his hand. He engulfed it in what looked like a gigantic green fire ball. He glared down his nose at the boy. The boy quickly got off the floor. The man put out the fireball in a quick hand motion.

"I expect obedience from you," the man growled.

The man walked toward an open window. The boy clenched both fists.

"Now tell me," the man said with clenched teeth again, "What have you been doing for the last couple of hours?"

"Eating," he mumbled.

"Boy, as much as I want to keep you alive," the man visibly got tenser, "Need I _remind_ you why you're here in the first place?"

"I just came from across the map to bring you another girl!" the boy protested.

The man spun around.

"No. _You_ did not just come from across the map," the man pointed a finger at the boy, "The Helmaroc King did. You were only along for the ride. You didn't do _anything._"

His fists trembled. He looked away.

"Now, when the prisoners escaped…" the man growled, "Where were you?"

The boy didn't respond.

"You weren't at your post," the man snarled, "Where were you?"

"I was feeding the Helmaroc King," he replied.

"Were you? Well, look what happened. I've been unable to sleep for hours because of the constant sound of alarm bells going off. You were supposed to be guarding those girls," the man hollered.

"But…"

"_I _run this Fortress, boy," the man radiated with internal rage, "When I eat, when I sleep, and even when I am not here, nothing happens here without my knowing."

"I was feeding him—" the boy protested.

"That bird can feed itself. It does not need you," the man growled, "You may be its rider, but your primary responsibility is to watch those girls."

"I—" the boy began.

The man glared at him, "Do I make myself clear?"

The boy nodded stiffly.

The man relaxed slightly, "It's been brought to my attention that there is also another boy running around."

"…Another boy?" the redhead asked. It sounded familiar. Like a green and yellow speck with the Bokoblin guard.

"He may have something I want," the man explained, "My guards will take care of him. As for you, I want you to keep a close watch on the prisoners."

"Un…understood…" the boy clenched his teeth.

"Leave," the man indicated toward the door.

The boy lowered his head, and dragged his feet as he moved toward the door. One day, just one day...

* * *

"And it was finally in _that _loop where I decided to go into Fairy Hibernation," Navi nodded, "I was just getting so sick and tired of Link…"

Link almost collapsed on the floor. Mental Note to Self: never, and he meant NEVER, under any circumstances, let Navi talk about herself. Link groaned. He felt like clawing his ears off. Maybe that would relieve the pain.

"And, well, I remember having this very strange and vivid dream while I was hibernating," Navi continued, "See, I remember this polar bear, who wanted to play the kazoo. And, boy, did he ever want to play that kazoo! Anyways, along the way, he made lots of friends. Oh, let's see if I can count them all…Well, there was a penguin, and a—"

"Oh hey look!" Link was looking for any method to make the fairy shut up, "There's my sword!"

Sure enough, Navi turned around, and saw Link was pointing to his sword. Link ran forward, and began to yell and jump for joy. Spikes shot up behind Link. A Bokoblin that guarded the door spotted Link.

"Ack! When'd he get there?" Link exclaimed, "And, dang, he's already seen me!"

"No duh, Link," Navi buzzed up and down, "It's not like you were being _really loud_ to draw his attention or anything!"

Link dashed towards his sword like a ninja. Or, at least, he _imagined _that he did it like a ninja. DUH DUH DUH NUUUUUUHHHH! Link retrieved the Sword he dropped! You idiot! Don't lose it again!

Link felt the Bokoblin breathing on his neck. Link turned and slashed at the Bokoblin. It held up some wooden planks. Huh, a shield. Link grinned. Finally, a suitable enemy. This was perfect. If Link could defeat a Bokoblin with a shield, _then _people would take him seriously! He would be the man! No, more than that! He would be a knight! The Knight from Outset Isle! He liked the ring of that.

"Link! Hurry up!" Navi yelled, "He's been open several times already!"

Link glared at Navi, and began slashing away recklessly before Navi could steal the spotlight, like she did last time.

After a few slashes, the Bokoblin fell down, and went up in a poof of smoke. The door unlocked itself, and the spikes disappeared. Link paused. Something had occurred to him.

"Navi," Link paused, "If you were so strong, and were able to take out the Bokoblins back in the woods, then why didn't you just take out all the Moblins in my path?"

There was a very long pause.

"…Oh, hey! The door's open! Let's go through!" Navi exclaimed.

Link sighed, and shoved the door open.

* * *

Link crept forward, and got a good look at his surroundings. It was a large room, with an open ceiling. It looked rather dingy for Link's taste. Link continued along on his tiptoes.

"There's your sister over there," Navi pointed.

"Shh!" Link shushed, "We don't want the guards to hear us!"

Link looked to where Navi was pointing. There was a wooden jail cell, with only one door. A wooden jail cell. Wood. Wood burns. Aryll had explosives. What were they thinking?

Within the cage were three girls, one who looked dirt poor, one who looked filthy rich, and the last one, of course, was Aryll. The other two seemed surprised at his entrance, and probably didn't know he was even in the Fortress with them.

But, of course, Aryll paid no attention to him. In her hands was a large metal file. Aryll was too preoccupied with her continual sawing motion to notice Link walk in. Link sighed.

"Aryll, what are you doing?" Link asked.

"They put me in a wood cell," Aryll grinned, "Fools! I'm going to use friction to burn it to the ground!"

In the ensuing silence, one of the other girls walked up to the bars, "Hiii… My name's _Maaaggie._"

Aryll snapped her head up, and hid the metal file behind her back. But as soon as she saw Link standing by the door, her face lightened.

"Onii-chan!" Aryll smiled.

Link raised an eyebrow. Aryll coughed and went back to filing.

"Here, I'll give you a hand," Link shrugged, "My sword can cut down small trees in one hit."

"No, _I'll _give you guys a hand," Navi flew out of Link's hat, "I'm a professional at these sorts of things!"

"Alright, alright, Navi," Link groaned, "I'll let you do your thing."

Aryll stared at Navi in a way that made Link uneasy. Then Link got a scary mental image: if Aryll and Navi ever teamed up…

"It's not like anyone would believe three little girls when they said a fairy burst open the jail cell," Link muttered under his breath.

Link trotted toward the cell. Suddenly he heard something, and froze in his tracks. It was the sound of wings flapping, he realized, and it was getting louder. A distinct scent filled the air.

"I smell a non-canon character…" Link said slowly.

Link looked up, and saw that gigantic bird land squarely in the middle of the room. It opened its mouth and squawked loudly. Link's jaw dropped.

"Wah!" Link let out, "It's bigger than I thought it was!"

"Whoa!" Navi gasped, "Okay, I don't want that thing seeing me."

Navi flew into Link's hat.

"You can pick up boulders, you can beat up Bokoblins, and even attempt to break open a jail cell," Link tried to look at the back of his head, "but when a gigantic bird shows up, you hide?"

"Shut up," came from the hat, "I look a lot like bird-food, okay?"

"Coward," Link huffed.

A voice came from behind the bird's neck, "Get him!"

The bird ruffled its feathers, and took more interest in the surroundings.

"I said GET HIM!" the voice sounded annoyed.

Link saw a foot kick the base of the bird's neck. The bird huffed, but raised its head.

"Uh oh," Link took a step back.

The bird snatched Link up with its beak. Below, Aryll lunged at the bars.

"Don't bring onii-chan into this!" she screamed, "It's me you're at war with, not him!"

The bird began to fly upward.

"I am the general in this battle! He's more of a lieutenant! I swear, there will be consequences for this!" Aryll bellowed from below.

"Oh, what, I'm only a _pawn _to you?" Link yelled back.

Aryll yelled louder as they got farther away, "I WILL AVENGE HIM! YOU WILL PAY!"

As the bird flew up, and out of the room, Aryll glared at it. She turned around. Her two comrades were giving her strange looks.

"Well," Aryll sighed, "Time to get back to work."

Aryll pulled out the file again, and continued sawing away at the bars.

* * *

The bird flew up into the open night sky. Out of the corner of his eye, Link saw the non-canon character give a strange look to Aryll below.

"What is her _problem!_" he said bitterly.

"Trust me, you don't want to know," Link groaned.

With a couple of verbal orders, the gigantic bird flew over to the top of the fortress. A ship had been wrought in two and the stern had somehow been thrown atop this rock. It had been transformed into the fortress' headquarters. Complete with a patio. The bird flew down. On the patio a person had his back turned to them. Uneven red stuff crowned the top of the cloak the man was wearing. Link's eyes widened.

"Holy crap!" Link gaped, "A decapitated person!"

"What?" the man growled, "I am not decapitated!"

The man turned around, and showed Link his face, and, more importantly, that the stuff Link had thought to be a severed neck, was actually striking red hair.

Link gulped, "Oh."

A soft sniggering came from behind the bird's neck.

"You know," the voice chuckled, "you actually _do _look decapitated from behind."

"Silence!" the man bellowed.

Non-canon cowering noises followed.

"That voice," Navi peeked out from Link's hat, "Is that—"

"He's not the one we want," the man tried to regain his composure, "He does not have the Hero of Time with him."

Link could feel Navi dash back into the hat. The man tilted his head sharply toward the sea. The bird tossed Link across the water. As Link went hurtling in the air, he made a perfect parabolic arch across the sky. _Wheeeeeeeeeee!_

* * *

A small green speck shot across the sky like a shooting star. The pirate crew watched the speck intently.

"Well…" a big pirate paused, "That's Shrimpy alright…"

The pirate with glasses turned to Tetra, "Okay…so…now what?"

There was a long pause.

"Niko, give me back my bandana," Tetra said.

* * *

Link's body floated lifelessly on top of the waves. As his body bobbed up and down in the water, the hull of a bright red boat floated towards him…

* * *

Cherry-sama: Hooray! Finally done this chapter!

Toon Link: _Augh…the non-canonness… It burnssss…_

Navi: _Make it stoppp…_

Cherry-sama: Hey! I'm allowed to write OCs too!

Link: _Nooo, the horrors…_

Cherry-sama: Oh come on, it can't be that bad.

Link: Yes it can…

Aryll: _(saws away at jail bars) _Soon I'll…

Cherry-sama: You know, you're supposed to say "Please Review", and "Please Read" at the beginning of the chapter.

Aryll: _(continues sawing)_ I'm busy. Go away.

Cherry-sama: _(sighs loudly)_


	5. Chapter 5: Winding up on Windfall Part 1

**Chapter 5! (I have no idea how I managed to make this chapter longer than the Forsaken Fortress chapter…)**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Legend of Zelda: the Wind Waker. Nor any of the legend of Zelda characters. If I did, I would probably be really rich right now, and make my fanfics into canon games. I also don't own any of the obscure references made by any of the characters. By one of the characters in particular. Which you will find out, soon enough.**

* * *

Cherry-sama: At long last, chapter five!

Link: _(looks over script)_ Why is this chapter so boring?

Cherry-sama: It's not boring! It's…um…expanding on the character's personalities!

Toon Link: _(reads over script) _No it isn't. It's dead boring. Why is this chapter so long anyway?

Cherry-sama: Because Lenzo is a blabber mouth.

Link and Toon Link: …

Aryll: _(saws away at bars)_ Those morons! Bwahahaha!

* * *

"Link... Link..." a voice spoke, "Wake up, Link!"

Link opened his eyes. Even though his vision was a bit blurry, he saw what looked like rock. Only there was a blue glowing ball in his view. He closed his eyes again—it was too early to be waking up yet.

"Pull yourself together, Link!" the voice shouted.

Link yawned, and slowly got up. He lazily scratched his rear end, but then noticed Navi staring at him. Right. A fairy. He found it yesterday. On his birthday. Dang; it's over already? And no cake?

"Well?" Navi hissed, "Have you come to your senses yet?"

Link looked on what he was sitting on—a boat. A really small, red boat. He looked at the front of it, and saw that at the hull was a wooden carving of a dragon. Or was it a lion? Whatever—Link couldn't tell.

"Where'd the boat come from?" Link asked.

"Dunno," Navi shrugged, "It waded over to us when you landed in the water. So I figured I should pick you up and put you in it."

"Thanks," Link smiled.

Navi shrugged, "Beats a wet house."

Link's smile dropped off his face. He groaned—right…Navi was living on his bald spot. And had put random bits of stuff from the Seagull King's Fortress on it.

Link peered closer at the boat's lion/dragon head. It had a blank expression on its face, as one would expect from a boat. But still, something didn't seem quite right about it. He looked at the closed jaws…was there something glowing in there?

"You are surprisingly dull-witted..." Navi said.

"Where did that come from?" Link turned to the fairy.

"Come on, Link," Navi huffed, "It's a boat. It's nicely crafted, yes, but it's not going to spring to life, or anything."

"I suppose…" Link paused.

There was an awkward silence.

"Link..." Navi paused, "Now, judging by what I saw at Forsaken Fortress, you've got some brains, but you're a bit of a coward."

"Gee, _thanks,_" Link muttered.

"I understand how your desire to protect your sister, or rather, the desire for you to stop her from getting herself into trouble could give you the courage to fearlessly stand up to anything..." Navi said, "But such a bold attempt was foolhardy!"

"You obviously haven't grown up with her," Link huffed, "And, heck, it may have so been a foolhardy attempt, but you don't seem to realize how dangerous she is."

"Dangerous?" Navi asked, "How dangerous could a little girl be?"

* * *

Meanwhile…in Forsaken Fortress…

"FREEDOM!" Aryll cackled from the burning remains of the jail cell.

* * *

"Well… Never mind," Navi turned to the side, "That's not the main issue here."

Link raised an eyebrow, "Really?"

There was a long pause.

"I suppose you saw him..." Navi said in a quieter voice, "The shadow that commands that monstrous bird..."

"Not really," Link said, "All I've seen is the back of his head—"

"No, not that guy!" Navi buzzed up and down, "The other guy, who you thought was decapitated!"

"Ohhh, _hiiimmm,_" Link grinned, "And he really does look decapitated from behind."

Navi held her breath, "His name is...Ganon..."

"…dorf!" came from the direction of the boat's head.

There was another long pause.

"What was that?"

"I don't know, just ignore it. Probably a seagull or something."

"Okay. …So what about that other guy?" Link asked, "The kid who's not canon."

"Oh, him?" Navi said, "I don't know anything about him. But, my guess is that he's a Mary Sue."

"Ohhhh," Link nodded with understanding, "That makes sense!"

"Anyway, about Ganon…"

"—dorf!" came from the lion head once more.

"He…" Navi paused, "who obtained the power of the gods, attempted to cover the land in darkness, and was ultimately sealed away by the very power he hoped to command—me. He is the very same Ganon—"

"—dorf!" the boat's head giggled this time.

Navi rolled her eyes, "The one who I sealed long ago, before I went into hibernation…"

"Yes, you told me about Ganon," Link nodded.

"—dorf!"

Navi turned to the boat's head, "Will you stop that?"

"Dorf dorf dorf dorf dorf…" the boat's head used a sing-songy voice this time.

"Gaaah…" Navi groaned.

Link paused, "So, he's the emperor of the dark realm the ancient legends speak of..."

"Sure, yeah, probably," Navi's irritation was evident, "whatever."

"So why do you think the seal of the gods has failed?" Link asked.

"No clue," Navi shrugged, "but now that Ganon—"

"—dorf!"

"…has returned, the world is once again being threatened by his evil magic," Navi sighed.

"Well, that kinda sucks," Link said.

"Indeed," Navi said, "Ganon is kind of a jerk."

"—dorf!"

Navi turned red with rage, "Okay, you know what? FINE! His name is Ganon_dorf_! There! I said it! Happy now?!"

"_Yaaaaayyyy…_" the voice cheered.

Navi groaned, "Tell me, Link... Do you still wish to save your sister from him? Ganondorf?"

"—dorf!"

"Oh yeah," Link said, "Heck, I'm more concerned for Ganon and the rest of the world than I am about her."

"—dorf!" the voice was a bit off cue this time.

"My mistake," Link sighed, "Ganon_dorf_."

"And will you do anything to stop her reign of destruction?"

"Well, maybe not," Link picked his teeth with his pinky, "But I'm willing to stop _Ganondorf's _reign of destruction."

"Meh," Navi shrugged, "Good enough."

"…dorf!" the voice giggled again.

"Okay, that is annoying!" Link grumbled, "Where is that coming from?"

"Oh no…" Navi froze with sudden realization, "It can't be… That voice…"

"_What?_" Link raised an eyebrow.

"Nooooooo!" Navi wailed, "Why? Why? Why, do you _mock_ me, Farore?"

"What? What?" Link asked.

"Out of all the fairies in Hyrule," Navi had a look of despair on her face, "why did it have to be _Ivan?!_"

Link turned around to the boat's head. No sooner had he done so, a glowing ball of green light squeezed its way through the teeth of the wooden decoration. As soon as it made it all the way through, the glowing ball began spiraling downwards, but then caught itself just before it hit the water. It turned yellow.

"What the?" Link paused, "It changed colour!"

"I did?" it looked around in confusion.

Link stared at this thing in bewilderment.

"Ivan's a…" Navi sniffed, "a multi-coloured fairy… He can change colour at will. But I've told him to stay green. It's less confusing."

"Like Saria's grass!" the fairy giggled.

"No, you mean Saria's hair," Navi groaned.

"Wait, you're not upset anymore?" Link asked.

Navi sighed, "No… I am…but I have to pull myself together if I'm going to find another Kokiri to take him in…"

"What's a Kokiri?" Link asked.

"Grass people!" the fairy began spinning around in circles.

"Bah, whatever," Navi sighed, "It's just another thing to add to our To-Do List. First, find a stupid Kokiri, second, save your sister, three, find my Link."

"Saria's awesome," Ivan giggled.

"Why is finding Ivan a Kokiri first on the list now?" Link asked.

"Trust me," Navi groaned, "You don't want to be around him for very long. You just _don't._"

"...I see," Link paused, "In that case, we should use this boat to sail around and find a Kokiri, or whatever."

"Plus," Navi said, "Ganon cannot be defeated by human hands, let alone by what little strength you possess. Therefore, you're going to need me. And it'd probably be wise to get some stuff along the way."

Link lay back down, "Sure."

"—dorf!" Ivan piped up.

"In that case, we depart!" Link exclaimed, "To the Great Sea!"

"We can't," Navi said, "We don't have a sail."

"What?" Link asked.

"It says here on the label," Navi pointed to a label, "'No Sails Included'. And a boat with no sail can sail no seas."

"But we can sail the sky," Ivan pointed to the sky.

"Ivan, that's called flying. And this twit has no wings," Navi said.

"It has a label?" Link asked.

"A price tag too," Navi pointed to the price tag.

"Wow," Link said, "It's like someone just bought this thing a couple days ago, and already lost it."

"Or they planted it near us," Navi said, "Maybe it's actually a time bomb, and is going to go off any second now."

"A fuzzy time bomb!" Ivan exclaimed.

"Uhhh…" Link paused.

"Ivan has an I.Q. numbers in the negatives," Navi explained. "I thought that was pretty much obvious considering what he's been saying the past three minutes."

"Um, okay?" Link paused. "Another thing; if the boat is a trap, wouldn't getting a sail be pointless?"

Navi shrugged, "Meh, might as well get one anyway. If this boat explodes, maybe we could buy one here too."

Link paused, "Why do you say that?"

"Oh, right," Navi said, "I forgot to mention. The boat waded to this island for some reason. While you were in it. Looks a lot like a market place."

"Huh," Link stroked his chin, "We could be on Windfall Island."

"Tick tock tick tock," Ivan spun in circles.

"Ivan, stop it, you're making me nervous," Navi said. "The boat's not going to explode, already."

"But you were the one who brought it up," Link pointed out.

"Whatever," Navi rolled her eyes, "Now let's check this place out."

"Okay," Link said.

"Tick tick tick tick…BOOM!" Ivan exclaimed.

"Can we leave him here?" Navi pleaded.

"Are you sure he won't hurt himself if we do?" Link asked.

Ivan continued to make mock explosion noises, and in doing so, accidentally landed in the water. There was a full three-second delay before he started struggling around.

"No…I guess not," Navi sighed, "And having him die while we're out shopping would be a blow to my conscience…"

Link gave Navi a slightly shocked expression.

"Come on, Ivan," Navi let out a heavy sigh, "Let's go…"

Navi flew down to the water, and swooped up Ivan. Ivan didn't seem to notice, but after a while, he stopped flailing around. Navi swooped into Link's hat.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa!" Link tried to reach at the fairies, "Excuse me, please don't put him in there!"

"Tastes like popcorn," Ivan smacked his lips.

"But he'll just fall in the water again," Navi's voice said.

"Popcorn water," Ivan gasped at his realization.

"Hey, I don't want two fairies doing something they shouldn't on my head, okay?!" Link hissed.

"Link, keep this fanfic K+!" Navi's voice hissed back

"Woowww…" Ivan sounded in awe, "What a pretty mirror…"

"Whatever," Link groaned, "I want one of you out here beside me, okay? It's enough that now _both_ of you know about my secret."

"Okay, fine," Navi's voice sighed, "I doubt being in the same room with Ivan for long periods of time is good for my sanity."

"Pretty, pretty," Ivan's voice muttered, "pretty, pretty…"

Navi flew out of Link's hat. Ivan followed shortly after. But Link didn't seem to notice. Link walked forward, looking for the nearest cliff to jump off of. Turns out he was right underneath a cliff the entire time. Excellent. Link strode up, walking confidently.

"Okay, now, we want to get this shopping trip over as soon as possible," Navi said, "So buy the sail and get back to the boat, okay?"

Link continued to walk up the Cliffside. Link froze on the spot, and looked at one of the buildings.

"Hey, look, a jail," Link said.

Link pivoted on the spot, and headed toward the building.

"Wait, what are you doing, now?!" Navi asked.

"Going to the jail," Link said.

"Like the muffin man," Ivan nodded.

"No! Link!" Navi groaned, "The jail is the _last _place we can buy a sail!"

"Yes, well, we don't know this town very well," Link said, "People in jail are often held for _years._ So, we can probably ask them where we can get a sail."

Navi face palmed.

"Heck, we might find the Black Market if we're lucky," Link nodded, "So we could buy it from them directly!"

"Well, I _was_ Black Market Queen back in the day," Navi smiled.

"Yes, you've told me," Link rolled his eyes.

"Is that like the muffin man?" Ivan asked.

"Man, I miss those days," Navi smiled, "Mind you, I could do without the knife fights but…"

Link opened the door, and hoped Navi would shut up before she got talking about herself again.

* * *

Link walked into the jai. Within it was only one cell. Made of wood. Sheesh, when will these people ever _learn?_ Anyway, within the jail cell there was a man dressed in a green jumpsuit, and who wore red underwear over top of them. He seemed to notice Link as soon as he came in the door.

"Hmmmmmm exclamation mark!" the man took a step backward, "I see the same green clothes and the same green hat exclamation mark!"

"AAAH!" Navi shrieked, "OH NO! NOT _HIM!_"

"Ouch," Link covered his ears, "I'm right here, you know."

"Is he your friend?" Ivan cocked his head.

"By the look of you comma, I'd say dot dot dot…" the man continued, "Sir exclamation mark! Could you comma, by chance comma, be dot dot dot…a fairy question mark?"

"Augh! Oh no, what do I _do?!_" Navi looked around for cover.

"He can be my friend," Ivan nodded, "Hey, wanna trade stamps, mister?"

"No! Ivan, don't go anywhere near him!" Navi gagged.

"Why are you afraid of this guy?" Link asked.

"Goodness exclamation mark!" the man exclaimed, "Did you feel my telepathy question mark exclamation mark?!"

There was a long pause.

"Can we use telelepary to trade stamps?" Ivan said conversationally.

"That's why you saved me comma, isn't it question mark?" the man continued, "Isn't it question mark? Isn't it question mark?"

With that, the man did a dance. Link raised an eyebrow when Ivan started dancing too.

"Do not worry exclamation mark!" the man nodded to himself, "Tingle knows without you telling him comma, sir exclamation mark!"

"Okay, now I'm beginning to understand why," Link said.

"Yes comma, sir exclamation mark!" the man exclaimed, "Tingle is my name exclamation mark!"

"And I'm Ivan!" Ivan smiled.

"Huh, I didn't think you remembered your name," Navi paused. "I suppose that counts for something."

"I have been looking for you and your kind comma, for I comma, too comma, long to be one of the fairy folk exclamation mark! And yet comma, I was mistaken for some kind of troublemaker and put into this dreadful sort of place exclamation mark! How disrespectful exclamation mark!"

"But, _gaahh_… Can my day get any worse?" Navi groaned.

"Hey, look, it's not his fault for being arrested by the fashion police," Link said to Navi.

"Wow, Navi…" Ivan gaped, "I didn't know we had a fashion umbrella around here…"

"Ivan, he said criminal, not umbrella!" Navi turned to face Ivan, "How do you even get those two mixed up?"

"Please comma, Mr period. Fairy dot dot dot…" Tingle peered at Link through the bars, "Rescue poor Tingle from this place and take him to where you and your kind live in splendor exclamation mark!"

"Oh trust me, you do _not _want to meet the rest of my family," Link said.

"Link, can we go shopping now?" Navi pleaded.

"We can't just leave this guy here," Link pointed to Tingle, "Sure, he may be a little strange, but it wouldn't be right!"

Navi paused, "Okay. That's it. You're insane. Clearly insane. I want to find my Link now."

"He cloned himself?" Ivan asked.

Navi pointed to the door, "Ivan, just go outside."

Ivan began to fly mindlessly toward the door, while muttering something. He was actually flying quite well until he hit the wooden frame. His body began to slide down the varnish.

"Please comma, sir exclamation mark!" Tingle piped up, "I want to meet your people exclamation mark!"

"Wait, you're instructing him to stay outside by _himself?_" Link asked.

Navi rolled her eyes, "So? It's not like we'll never see him again."

Ivan's body sliding slowly down the varnish made a loud squealing sound. Link raised both his eyebrows at Navi.

"Okay, never mind," Navi groaned, "I guess I'm willing to ignore Ivan if I don't have to put up with _him_ too."

Navi flung open the door, and grabbed Ivan by the arm. She slammed the door behind them.

"Sheesh," Link groaned, "Why does she hate you so much?"

"It's not just her comma, sir dot dot dot…" Tingle said, "I seem to have quite the numerous amount of haters in a place called North America period."

"Well, whatever," Link sighed, "Let's get you out before she can complain otherwise."

"Oh comma, goody exclamation mark!" Tingle jumped up and down.

Link turned to the side, and began to look for something flammable. Gunpowder would be nice. There were several barrels to his left. Barrels. If he was lucky—filled with gunpowder. At least, the barrels Aryll had constantly seemed to have always had gunpowder in them. Link pushed over the barrels to break them open, and found a switch. Link paused. That'll work too. He thought of Niko's instructions, and on how to put them to good use. Meh. Whatever. Link lifted up his foot, and slammed it down. The jail door flung open, and Tingle marched triumphantly through.

"Hoorayyyy exclamation mark!" Tingle jumped for joy, "Thank you oh so VERRRY much exclamation mark! Here is Tingle's heartfelt gift of thanks period."

Link raised his eyebrows, "Wow. I get something out of this?"

"Tingle exclamation mark!" Tingle chanted, "Tingle exclamation mark! Kooloo-dash-limpah exclamation mark!"

DUH DUH DUH NUUUUUUHHHH! Link got the Tingle Tuner! A useful little item that allows you to hook up your Gameboy Advance to the Gamecube, and allow Tingle to aid you on your journeys! That is, if you have if you _have _a Gameboy Advance. Otherwise it's completely useless, and takes up space in your inventory.

"Now comma, no matter how far we travel from this dingy cell comma, our souls will be as one exclamation mark!" Tingle exclaimed.

Link didn't like the sound of that.

"Splendid exclamation mark! Tingle is going to get ready to go to the realm of the fairies comma, so you just wait here comma, okay comma, sir question mark?" Tingle asked.

The strange man almost turned to leave, but then he remembered something.

"Ahhh exclamation mark!" Tingle nodded, "I was forgetting something important exclamation mark! Oh comma, Mr period. Fairy exclamation mark! You want to come to my island comma, don't you question mark? Don't you question mark? Don't you question mark?"

Link paused. Didn't sound like a bad idea. After all, this guy just gave him something for free. But before Link could say anything, Tingle shoved something into his hands. DUH DUH DUH NUUUUUUHHHH! Link got Tingle's Chart! Do yourself a favour, Link, and _never_ go to that island. Please? Pretty please?

"When you go out to sea comma, open it exclamation mark! If you ever need any help with your charts comma, just leave it to Tingle exclamation mark!" Tingle said, "Don't ever forget it exclamation mark!"

Tingle started to walk away, but then stopped.

"If you ever need help with charts—" he began.

"Yes, yes, I get it!" Link yelled, "Come to your island! I've got it! Bye!"

Link shoved Tingle out the door. Sure, he wasn't all that bad, but he was defiantly annoying after a while… Link paused. He had to go buy a sail. But he knew that Tingle was probably just outside, dealing with a bickering Navi and that strange little fairy. Search the cell, Link thought. Avoiding the chaos was probably beneficial for his sanity, and it would give him something to do while he waited for Tingle to leave.

* * *

"Dude…" Navi paused, "Did he just teleport?"

"He cloned himself too!" Ivan gasped.

"Augh…_Ivan_…" Navi groaned, "Would it hurt to _try_ to sound smart for once?"

"Hey!" Ivan's body jolted, "The quickest way to Dragon Roost Island is to head two squares East from here!"

Navi could feel herself deflating, "Oh no… It _can't _be…"

* * *

Link crawled out of the hole. He dusted himself off. Man. Who knew that there was a hole behind the crate in the cell that led to a maze of crawling space. With rats. Lots of rats. Link paused. Why didn't Tingle ever escape through this hole?

Link looked at the room he was in. There were numerous skulls, rocks, two gravestones, and most notably, a chest in the center of the room. Link leapt for the chest, and DUH DUH NUUUUUUHHHH! Link got the Picto Box! Wait, the what? What's this? Wasn't this technology supposed to be invented a couple hundred years from now?

Link's curiosity was satisfied. Not a feeling he felt often. Link turned to the gravestones. Who would choose to be buried here? Link walked over to the one on the left. It said the following:

'Date: Unknown  
At last, I have succeeded in stealing the Picto Box I have desired for so long. Succeeded, yes…but sadly…  
Due to a slight mistake on my part, I was also caught. I have been imprisoned, but I do not give in easily! I refuse to give this wondrous box to my captors! I have decided to hide it here in the depths of my cell and then make my escape by tunneling out! Yes! That is my plan!'

Link paused. That would explain the tunneling he just went through. He turned to the second stone. Which was oddly a continuation of the first.

'Of course, if I ever successfully escape from this prison, I shall one day return to recover the Picto Box. I will write the controls for it in case I should forget them…'

Link raised an eyebrow, and looked closer.

'Set it to Y, Z, or X on the Item screen. Press A to snap shots. Use the C-stick to zoom in and out. Press R to switch to its delightful pictograph-viewing mode.'

That's it. The wind gods were making fun of him.

'It saves up to three pictographs at one time' the grave read on, 'Oh, how it pains me to leave it!  
…I just wish I could get out of here so I could start taking pictographs!'

Link took a step back. Link could understand 'here lies Mr. So-and-so', or 'in loving memory of Mrs. This-and-that', but _this?_ Who would write _this_ on their gravestone? Right. Illogical Game Designing.

Link decided to find out what Navi was up to. Link turned around, crawled into the maze, and moseyed on over to a section covered with wooden planks.

* * *

Navi heard a splash come from underneath the cliff. Navi flew down, and saw Link lift himself up from the ocean. By the looks of things—he landed flat on his face, and probably did a belly flop. Navi would be more amused by this, if she didn't have devastating news to tell him.

"Link! Link!" Navi called out, "Link, I have devastating news!"

Link snorted water out of his nose, "What?"

"Ivan…it's Ivan," Navi was exasperated.

"What about him?" Link raised an eyebrow.

Navi took a deep breath.

"Ivan's got O.N.A.!" Navi blurted out.

Link stared at her blankly. The news was taking a while to sink in.

"Ivan's got what now?" Link asked.

Ivan came swirling down from above. Navi decided to ignore the faint '_wheeeeeee_' that was coming from his direction.

"Ivan! O.N.A.! Don't you get it!?" Navi buzzed.

"What on the Great Sea is 'O.N.A.'?" Link retorted.

Navi paused, "Oh, right…whoops, wrong Link."

Link gave her an unimpressed look. Look, it wasn't her fault that both of them were so similarly stupid.

"And who the heck is this _Ivan_ guy anyway?" Link asked, "Like, I see that he's a fairy and he's not very smart and all, but was he your boyfriend or something?"

Navi turned bright red, "N-no! Ivan is not my boyfriend! I like to think of myself to have enough sense to date guys who have at least _some_ I.Q.!"

Ivan turned to the red Navi, "Santa Claus?"

Link rolled his eyes, "Sure, whatever."

Navi turned to Ivan, "See, Ivan is a guardian fairy like me, and belonged to my Link's friend Saria."

Link paused, "Wait, what's a guardian fairy?"

"The awesomest thing ever!" Ivan grinned.

"Whatever," Navi groaned, "He belonged to my Link's friend, and that's all you need to know about him!"

Ivan came to a sudden realization, "Hop scotch!"

"Then what's O.N.A.?" Link asked.

Navi shuddered at the thought of it, "It's a fairy disease that's highly contagious!"

"Highly contagious for humans too?" Link paled.

Navi paused. She hadn't thought of that. Navi sniggered. The mental image of this Link getting O.N.A. was so immensely satisfying…

"I haven't _seen_ a Hylian with O.N.A. before," Navi said.

"Oh, good," Link said.

"Because Hylians are made of duct tape," Ivan explained.

Link raised an eyebrow.

"But I hope they _can,_" Navi said under her breath.

"What was that?"

"Nothing."

"So…" Link scratched his head, "What happens when you get this disease?"

"You don't become duct tape!" Ivan revealed.

"The most terrible of things," Navi whispered, "You begin to spout obvious nonsense at random intervals!"

Link raised an eyebrow, "That's terrible?"

"Are you kidding me?!" Navi exclaimed, "Of course it's terrible! Look at me! I had O.N.A. way back when! Count how many fans I have!"

"You have fans?"

"Exactly."

"Don't worry, Navi," Ivan pointed to a crab, "That mole is a fan of yours."

Navi face palmed.

"Wait, if Ivan's got O.N.A.…then won't you get it after a while?" Link asked.

"No," Navi said, "I took some medication that made me immune. Well. I _hope _I'm immune. I wonder if the medication wears off over time?"

"Who knows?" Link shrugged.

"Anyways, Link," Navi yelled, "While I was out here, panicking my wings off, you were nowhere to be found! Link, what have you been _doing?!_"

"Crawling around the tunneled corridors in the jailcell," Link said, "Why do you ask?"

"Wait, what?" Navi blinked.

"Crawling in a cell phone?!" Ivan gasped, "Did you have to make a call?"

"I found a back room with two tombstones and a chest," Link nodded, "I found this in the chest."

Link held up the Picto Box.

"Huh," Navi said, "Looks like they're improved the design while I was asleep."

"Yeah, I read the gravestones too. They were weird," Link picked his teeth with his pinky.

"Wait, wait, wait," Navi paused, "You can _read?_"

Link looked around, "_Yes?_"

"Whoa," Navi seemed to tremble, "This is **definitely **going to take some time to get used to."

* * *

Alarm bells echoed through the stone walls.

"Sir!" an Iron Knuckle burst through the door, "I have important news, my lord."

The Iron Knuckle with the cape watched stoically as his lord rolled over in bed to yell at him…and unintentionally tumbled out in the process. Two other Iron Knuckles watched impassively.

"WHY DO THOSE ALARMS KEEP RINGING?!" the man bellowed from the floor.

"Sir, the prisoners have escaped once more," the caped Iron Knuckle reported, "We have captured one of them once more, my lord."

The leader let out a loud groan in response.

"My lord, there is another problem that has come to be," the Iron Knuckle with the cape said.

"…And what might _that_ be?" he said with forced calm.

"It seems, my lord, that the holding cell has been burned to ashes," the caped Iron Knuckle reported.

The caped Iron Knuckle placed his right fist over his heart. The force of the impact made a loud clang. Right. He was still holding his sword…

"WHAT?!" his master yelled, "How did you imbeciles let this happen!?"

"It seems that one of the prisoners had this in their possession," the Iron Knuckle with a cape said.

The caped Iron Knuckle held up a metal file.

The man raised an eyebrow, "But that is a metal file… It is used to cut metal bars…"

"Yes, my lord, however," the caped Iron Knuckle nodded, "It seems the girl was able to use friction to start said fire."

The man let out a loud groan.

"Your orders, my lord?" the Iron Knuckle in the cape asked.

"Capture them and put them back behind bars…" the man said lazily.

"We cannot, sir," the caped Iron Knuckle said, "They burned the holding cell to the ground."

Evil muttering came from the man's direction.

"Shall we ask the Wizarobes to set up a magic barrier for the time being?" the caped Iron Knuckle bowed.

"Whatever!" the man said, "Just as long as I can rest."

"Sir, you would probably be able to get more sleep if you didn't make it nightfall all the time, sir," the caped Iron Knuckle said.

"What do you mean by that?"

"I'm jut saying, sir," the caped Iron Knuckle bowed.

The man stood up. He turned round on the caped Iron Knuckle, and shot a blast of magic at it. All that remained was the Iron Knuckle's helmet. The man turned around to the other two Iron Knuckles. They straightened themselves up.

"Did you catch all of that?" the man asked the one.

It slowly nodded.

"Good," the man smiled, "Now go tell the others."

The one Iron Knuckle ran out the door. The second Iron Knuckle began to shiver in his shoes.

"Congratulations," the man smirked, "You just got promoted."

* * *

"In order to find the sail with utmost efficiency," Navi said, "it would be wise for us to split up."

"Sounds good to me," Link shrugged.

"Now," Navi said, "By the looks of the terrain, there's a higher level of shops, and a lower level. I'll take the higher level, you take the lower level."

"How come _you _get the higher level?" Link asked.

"Or, you can take the higher level," Navi sighed, "Either way, cutting our time is our main priority."

"'Kay," Link said, "Meet you back at the beach soon."

"Squadalah!" Ivan exclaimed, "We're off!"

Navi and Link froze, dead in their tracks. They both looked at each other, out of the corner of their eyes.

"You're taking Ivan," Link said.

"What? No!" Navi hissed, "He'll be a dead weight! He'll slow me down!"

"But I didn't even know this guy _existed_ until an hour ago!" Link exclaimed, "Heck, you known this guy for—"

"An _hour?!_" Navi gasped, "We've wasted so much time already! Hurry up and take him!"

"You're taking me out to dinner?" Ivan looked at the both of them.

"No!" Link said, "He's _your _boyfriend! You take him!"

"He's not my boyfriend!" Navi hissed, "And besides, you have the hat! You can just stuff him in there! Problem solved!"

"Look, I barely know the guy," Link groaned, "And if he was left alone in your 'apartment', or whatever, are you sure he wouldn't wreck something?"

Navi sighed. Link's argument was logical, but didn't have a good point. There was nothing yet to wreck in Navi's apartment, as of yet. Navi looked at Ivan. Ivan stared back.

Ivan cocked his head, "Are we going to eat popsicles?"

Navi moaned, "Fine…I'll take him with me. But, in return, you have to try your hardest to find a sail. Got it?"

"Yup," Link put his hands behind his head.

Link walked over to a building with a Pictobox above the door.

"No! Link!" Navi face palmed, "That's a camera shop!"

Link closed the door behind him.

* * *

As soon as Link walked inside, he saw an old man glaring at him. Link blinked. Maybe this would have been explained if Link hadn't gotten the Pictobox right away, and come here first. Link shrugged and walked over to the counter. Link held up the Picto Box.

"Hey," Link said, "look what I found while searching around the catacombs of the jail."

"Why, young sir… I must say, you seem to be in possession of a very fine Picto Box there!" the man's face lit up, "Are you a lover of pictographs, as well? There can be no villains amongst the ranks of Picto Box-lovers!"

"Umm… Okay?" Link raised an eyebrow.

"Take your time," the man smiled, "Look around, I implore you! "

Link decided that it would be terribly rude to ignore this man who had just welcomed him so warmly into his shop. After all, he was under the mistaken impression that Link was a pictographer, and while this wasn't true, Link didn't have the heart to tell the man the truth. Besides, it was never too late to take up a new hobby. And what better way to get the feel for a new hobby than by examining the work of experts? Link walked upstairs.

* * *

Navi flew into a building with the crazed fairy. It looked like a school, she thought, and if it was a school, then maybe she could leave Ivan in Daycare and pick him up later. Or leave him there for good. Navi saw the school teacher purring in the corner.

"Hey, can you take this one in for a while?" Navi asked the woman.

"Wow! Crayons!" Ivan grinned. "You have excellent tastes, Navi!"

Ivan began munching on a nearby crayon.

Navi rolled her eyes, and turned to the woman. "Umm… Excuse me?"

"…My…my _precious…_" a demonic aura surrounded the woman.

"…Okay…we're leaving," Navi turned around on the spot. "And Ivan, stop drinking the markers."

* * *

"…of creating a box with incredible pictography capabilities is at long last nearing fruition. Young sir, I hesitate to ask, but… Could you perchance become my research assistant?"

Link raised an eyebrow. Wow. Had that much time _really_ passed? It felt like the authoress had just decided to make time fast forward, so that she could fraction the chapter length. But Link really didn't feel like arguing.

"Sure," Link shrugged.

"Oh-ho!" the man chuckled, "Really? Really and truly?! My heart leaps at your enthusiasm…"

Link lazily lifted his arms in the air, "_Hooray_…"

"…but I feel I must tell you…" the man looked from side to side, "the path an assistant must follow is not a simple one! I demand that whosoever takes on the role of my assistant be an individual who can take whatever command I may issue and promptly complete it without hesitation. It will be quite a challenge, I assure you."

Link could do that. After all, he did everything else in this fanfic without hesitation.

"Are you still sure you want to do this?" the man asked.

"Oh, _absolutely…_" Link sighed.

"Hahhh! You must share my love of the pictograph! What is your name, young sir? Link, is it…? Very well then."

"…But I didn't say anything…" Link paused.

"I shall issue three commands to you," the man nodded, "On the dawn of the day you complete all three tasks, you shall be my number-one assistant, Link!"

Link inched toward the door. He decided this man was psychic.

"Now then!" the man cleared his throat, "For my first command—"

The man looked up just in time to see Link slam the door behind him.


	6. Chapter 5: Winding up on Windfall Part 2

Link walked outside. Navi greeted him.

"There you are!" Navi said, "I've been looking for you."

"Why?"

"Because the lady at the school won't baby sit Ivan for me," Navi huffed, "I'm out of ideas."

Link took out his Pictobox, and took a picture of two people, who happened to be looking at each other at that split second.

"Link, what was that?" Navi asked.

"The split second of passion!" Link waved his arms, "The glance was so—"

Link noticed how strangely Navi was looking at him.

"Oh, never mind," Link sighed.

"Navi~, can Link take our Pictograph?" Ivan asked.

"No," Navi said, and then turned to Link, "So, what have you found out?"

"The pictograph guy is psychic," Link said.

Navi stared at Link. It would have been awkward silence if Ivan hadn't been talking. Link ran down to a ledge, and took a picture of a guy mailing a letter.

"Link, why did you do that?" Navi blinked.

"That moment!" Link had a sparkle in his eye, "It was so inspiring! I just _had _to take a picture of it!"

"Of a guy mailing his letter?" Navi raised an eyebrow.

Link grinned, "Exactly."

"Okay…um…" Navi paused, "I'm going to take Ivan back to the boat…"

"Why?" Link asked.

"Let's go water skiing," Ivan said enthusiastically.

"No," Link said to Ivan.

"Look, he was in the mouth of the wood carving for who knows how long," Navi said, "So he'll probably be safe in there."

"You do that," Link shrugged.

Link began to walk towards the local café. Navi raised an eyebrow.

"What?" Link asked, "I'm looking for material! And I get the feeling that this café is the most inspiring of places!"

"Like hot chocolate!" Ivan declared.

"…Whatever you say, Link…" Navi sighed.

* * *

Navi flew Ivan up to the head of the boat. She humored him with his suggestions and questions, and shoved him inside before he could have a clue as to what was going on.

It was silent for the first time in a while. Navi paused. Silent. Too silent. Okay, _now_ she was getting concerned. What if she had shoved him into a splinter and impaled him? She flew down closer to the mouth of the wood carving…

"Navi, Navi! I'm practicing my echolocation!" erupted from the crack.

…Ivan was okay. Navi sighed, spun around, and headed back toward the town.

* * *

Navi flew into the room. She saw Link talking with an older man in a red robe. Navi paused. Was it just her, or was the writer being lazy with transitions?

"Memories of those bittersweet summer days come rushing back to me…" the man babbled, "But I digress… Very good, young sir! I must congratulate you on…passing your first test!"

Link lazily lifted his arms in the air, "_Hooray_…"

"Link, who is this?" Navi asked.

"His name is Lenzo," Link said, "He told me his name conveniently offscreen."

"I shall promptly take this pictograph from you and use it most efficiently!" Lenzo nodded.

"You gave him what now?" Navi asked.

"The Pictograph of the man mailing a letter," Link crossed his arms smugly, "At least _someone_ appreciates the finer moments in life."

"Link, that was an innocent guy putting his mail in the post box!" Navi buzzed up and down, "That's not a finer thing in life!"

"But Navi, I'm starting a collection!" Link said, "I'm going to call it 'Still Life in the Form of the Mundane'."

"Sir, you do realize that you can only carry up to three pictographs at a time," Lenzo said.

"…In which I will display humanity's sense of simplicity," Link continued, "Thereby contrasting with our world's problems and reminding us of our inner glow. Isn't that such an artistic idea?"

"But humanity doesn't have a sense of simplicity!" Navi snapped.

"Man," Link leaned over the counter, "Can you _believe_ her?"

"Very well! Next is my second command," Lenzo said.

"Wait, what?" Link blinked, "We're talking about second commands now?"

"You must search for this town's most timid and cowardly resident. I intend to flog his spirit so as to lend him some backbone," Lenzo nodded, "This individual flinches and jumps at even the slightest surprises. I need you to capture the instant of pure fear on this individual's face in a pictograph."

"Ummmm…" Navi paused, "No offense, but _why _do you want this?"

Lenzo glared swiftly at Navi, and turned toward Link.

"So, tell me, do you think you can complete this task, young sir?" Lenzo smiled.

"Huh…" Link paused, "You mean something like this?"

Link held up the Pictobox. DUH DUH DUH NUUUUUUHHHH! Lenzo got a Pictograph of a guy looking really freaked out! …Why _does _Lenzo want this?

"Oh-ho!" Lenzo chuckled, "Now THIS is a finely snapped pictograph indeed!"

"Thank you, thank you," Link bowed while he said this.

"Clearly this individual must be the town's most timid of denizens!" Lenzo examined the pictograph, "Fear is his constant companion! I cannot complain, young sir! You have passed in a most admirable manner! …Say, and is it me, or is this chap quite the striking individual?"

There was a very long silence.

"Very good, young sir!" Lenzo chuckled, "And this means you have passed my second test! I shall promptly take this pictograph from you and use it most efficiently!"

"Again, why?" Navi asked.

"Hush, Navi!" Link shushed the fairy, "You _obviously_ do not have the taste for such things."

Lenzo cleared his throat, "Next is, at long last, my final command!"

"But we've only been here a few minutes—"

"Open your heart and mind and listen to what I say… Somewhere in town is a couple, a man and woman whose hearts are secretly filled with thoughts of the other, and yet for reasons unknown, the two have never spoken. Even when they happen, by chance to pass each other in the road, they each steal a brief, furtive glance at the other, but they suppress the longing in their hearts…"

"Does this guy ever shut up?" Navi groaned.

"You're one to talk," Link said.

"I cannot let this tragedy to go on any longer!" Lenzo exclaimed, "For ths ake of the town and my own desire to help these two poor souls…"

"Ummm…'ths ake'?" Navi asked, "Can this guy get any weirder?"

"Pictograph hater…" Lenzo muttered to himself.

"_Excuse me?_"

"I shall become Cupid, archer of love!" Lenzo said, "These two are timid burglars in the house of love…and you must capture a pictograph of them thinking their furtive thoughts! And young master Link… If and when, hope beyond hope, you manage to complete this third task… Then you shall be my number-one pupil!"

Link lazily lifted his arms, "_Hooray_…"

"Oh ho ho ho ho!" Lenzo chuckled, "Does that not excite you? …Good luck to you, young sir!"

"But wait…" Link paused, "I think I already have a Pictograph like that in my collection…"

Link held up the Pictobox. DUH DUH DUH NUUUUUUHHHH! Lenzo got a Pictograph of a man and a woman giving each other a quick glance! …_Creeper…_

"Oh-ho! This is a finely snapped pictograph indeed! …I had no idea these two would get along so splendidly!" Lenzo chuckled, "You can see the love there, hidden but thriving. Even I, who have lived in this town for so many long years, did not realize in the slightest the extent of their passion. You have done well, Link. I shall promptly take this pictograph from you and use it most efficiently!"

"…You must be _really bored_ in your retirement…" Navi paused.

Lenzo glared at Navi.

"Now then, my young sir…" Lenzo smiled at Link, "You have completed all of the tasks I set you to. My doubts about you have all been cleared up! I shall hereby be proud to call you my assistant, Link!"

"Sweet," Link said.

Navi lazily lifted her arms in the air, "_Hooray_…"

"And to reward you further for your fine efforts, I offer you this!" Lenzo held out his hand, "The elderly lady next door tells me that it has value, of sorts."

"…But the building next door doesn't have a door on it," Link said.

"You think this guy trapped her in her own house?" Navi whispered.

Lenzo's eyes darted about suspiciously.

DUH DUH NUUUUUUHHHH! Link got a Joy Pendant! This girly butterfly pendant of happiness gives joy out like it gives pollen to flowers…or something else that lame. Seriously, who _gives _boys jewelry anyway?

"From now onward, come rain or wind, my heart shall rest in comfortable ease," Lenzo smiled, "And at the same time, your heart will learn the love that pictography fosters! Oh ho ho ho ho ho ho!"

"Okay…" Link looked around, "_Soooo_… Are you going to give me those Pictographs back anytime soon?"

"No," Lenzo said.

"Hey! You jerk!" Link exclaimed, "Give me back my—"

"Go out and explore, young sir!" Lenzo lifted his arms in the air, "And Pictograph to your heart's content!"

"I think he wants you to leave now," Navi said.

"But my—"

"The world is full of life's adventures!" Lenzo exclaimed.

"Now, Link," Navi said.

"But my collection—"

Navi found herself having to drag the boy outside in order to make everyone shut up. Meh. Worked for her.

* * *

"Where are you taking me?" Link struggled.

"Even though she wouldn't take Ivan," Navi explained, "maybe she'll baby-sit you for me."

"Hey!"

Navi turned to the lady in the corner.

"Excuse me, Miss," Navi called out, "Can you take this kid off my hands?"

"Help!" Link yelled, "She's kidnapping me! Help! Help!"

"Welcome to Mrs. Marie's School of Joy!" the lady swerved around, "I don't think I've ever seen your face around here before, my young scholar… Are you a new pupil?"

"Yes, he is," Navi said, "If you could watch him for me…I've got a bit of shopping to do."

"Oh, give me a break here," Link groaned, "I'm a grown man. I'm _twelve_! Stop treating me like a kid."

"Why _yes_, your shortness," Navi bowed.

Navi dropped the boy. She ignored his evil muttering.

"What can I do for you on this fine day?" the teacher Marie asked.

"We need to talk," Navi faced Mrs. Marie, "Now, about payment, you…"

"I know I may look a bit flashy for a teacher," Mrs. Marie said, "but I assure you I am one."

Navi paused. That didn't have anything to do with what she was talking about. It's like the entire island liked ignoring her…like it was inherited.

Navi took a closer look at the teacher. And actually, yes, she was kinda tacky. Correction. VERY tacky. Her outfit was rather muted, however, it was her neon pink hair that distracted Navi the most. And what kind of hairstyle _was_ that, anyway?

"How long has it been since I opened my school here on Windfall Island? Twenty years?" Mrs. Marie pondered, "Ever since then, I've been teaching the children of this island about true joy! But I do have a rather joyless problem…"

"Yes, yes, very nice," Navi sighed, "Now, can you take this kid off my hands?"

"I'm right here you know," Link said.

"Yes, yes, shut up," Navi said.

"There's this delinquent gang of four young boys who never listen to a word I say," Mrs. Marie sighed.

"Gee, I wonder why?" Navi asked.

"Even though I wait patiently for those boys to show up, they never come," Mrs. Marie sniffed, "It's as if they don't want joy in their hearts!"

"What is it with you and joy?" Link asked, "You sound like my Grandma with peace."

"It's like the game designers are giving us a blatant hint or something," Navi shrugged.

"Could you please catch their leader, that boy named Ivan, and talk some sense into him for me?" Mrs. Marie asked.

Our heroes froze. They stared at each other.

"Please, young man? For me?" Mrs. Marie pleaded.

"Umm…" Link paused, "I guess I could…"

"But, Link!" Navi piped up, "We're supposed to find a sail—"

"Oh, thank you so much!" Mrs. Marie smiled, "You're such a dear. They're such troublesome little boys. I'm at my wit's end over how to handle them… But they won't be so mean to a boy their own age, will they? I think not."

"But I'm not a boy," Link stated, "I'm a man!"

"Good luck, young man!" Mrs. Marie grinned.

Link walked to the door and opened it.

* * *

Link walked outside.

"Link, what the crap?" Navi groaned, "We've got to find a sail, not help out some gaudy school teacher! Why do you even waste your time like this?"

"Look Navi," Link crossed his arms, "It's not a waste of time. She seems like a nice woman, and she likes to be happy. But she's not happy, and for a woman who loves joy, it's awful! She's like my Grandma. Grandma hates it when there's no peace. And with my sister, she doesn't get any. I hate to see this Mrs. Marie suffer like Grandma.**"**

Navi groaned, "I _guess so_…but… It's not like those boys are shooting bazookas at her schoolhouse."

A group of four kids walked by.

"So, how's it hanging?" Link asked.

"LINK!" Navi yelled, "Stop talking to anybody and everybody you feel like talking to!"

"Yeahhhhhhhh!" a kid in a hat cheered, "Yo, bud! You got a problem with us Killer Bees? Huh? DO YA?"

"Not really?" Link asked.

"Don't tell me it's that annoyin' hag of a teacher again…" the kid in the hat asked, "Is it? You came here to give us a talkin'-to 'cause Mrs. Marie asked you to, right? Tell us not to skip school, right, bud? Tell us not to be "tardy", right, bud?"

"Wow," Navi paused, "What a heavy Chicagoan accent."

"A what?" Link asked.

"I have no—stupid running gags…" Navi groaned.

"Well, forget about all that!" the kid in the hat smirked, "We're the mighty and invincible gang of four—the Killer Bees! Do you think we'd listen to a chump like you?"

Link shrugged, "It was worth a shot."

"But… I'll tell you what, bud!" the kid smirked, "If you wanna challenge us to a competition, then we'll think about maybe listenin' a little bit!"

"But Ivan," a kid with a pig nose piped up, "I don't wanna do no competition."

"Yeah," a kid with blue hair added, "You could at least consult us before you decide stuff like this."

"Shut up!" the guy in the hat barked, "You buds only here for decoration."

"Ohhh…" the kid with strange hair began to cry, "I don't like being a decoration…"

"Wait," Navi froze, "_You're _Ivan?"

"You gotta problem with that, blue bud?" Ivan spat on the ground.

Navi stared at the boy in front of her.

"Hey," Link said, "This proves something you already knew: People with the same name aren't always alike. I'm different than the Link you're used to, right?"

Navi continued to stare at Ivan.

"Yo, blue bud," Ivan paused, "stop…uh…lookin' at me like that… You're creeping me out, bud…"

If anyone could actually see Navi's eyes, they would be able to see that she hadn't blinked for a few minutes.

"…Ignorin' that…" Ivan looked at the ground, "What do you say, bud? Do you want to challenge) us?"

"Only if you take that bracket out of your previous question, then sure," Link said.

"Okay! Your funeral, bud!" Ivan shrugged, "The rules are simple! We're gonna hide somewhere, and if you find us, we're gonna run! You gotta try to catch us. …No seriously, bud, stop staring at me like that."

"I…I…I'm sorry…" Navi gaped, "It's just that…you're so…"

"So, you're going to run away as soon as I find you," Link rolled his eyes, "Yeah, that's a _fair_ game of Hide and Seek."

"Easy as that, bud!" Ivan continued, "We won't hide indoors or nothin', and we won't leave the island, so look for us around the shadows and behind buildings and stuff."

"How _can_ you leave the island?" Link asked, "We can't even leave the island, and we have a _boat._"

"If you catch all four of us, we lose," Ivan said, "You got it, bud? Ready… Goooooo!"

All the boys headed off in scattered directions.

"I feel like I just met an upgraded version of the Bombers…" Navi paused.

"The who?" Link asked.

"Didn't I tell you about them already in a previous chapter?" Navi asked.

"Yes, but I probably wasn't listening," Link looked around, "Besides, what makes you think that these guys are anything like the Bombers?"

* * *

Meanwhile…behind the Bomb Shop…

"4 8 15 16 23 42!" a boy exclaimed.

"Shut up!" another boy nearby shushed, "You're going to give us away!"

* * *

"So, shall we split up?" Navi asked.

"Why?"

"We'll cover more ground that way," Navi explained, "Besides, I see Ivan already."

There was a pause.

"…I mean the…_other_ Ivan…" Navi paused, "Wow, that's going to get confusing."

"Okay," Link shrugged, "Let's go."

Navi flew high into the air, "I FOUND YOU."

"BLUE BUD DOESN'T COUNT," the boy yelled.

"…Dang it," Navi muttered.

Navi flew back down. She promptly flew over to a wall, and began to exert her angst upon it.

"Sheesh, it really sucks being a fairy, doesn't it?" Link asked.

"I miss the days where I was Deus Ex Machina in this series…" Navi sniffed.

* * *

An hour later…

"GOTCHA!" Link exclaimed, "FINALLY!"

"Aww… Lame!" the Killer Bee nicknamed 'Foxy' by the scriptwriter, began flapping his arms.

"Augh… This is too hard…" Link moaned, "I don't want to do this any more…"

"Link!" Navi growled, "Do not put this off. Finish the job for once."

Link eyed the Bombshop at the top of the hill.

"NO!" Navi flew in front of Link's face.

"But bombs would be—"

"N. O. No." Navi said, "We are going to prove to these punks that we are better than them!"

"Why do we want do we want to do that?" Link raised an eyebrow.

A fire burned in Navi's eyes, "Because that guy refused to acknowledge me, and let me play. And **nobody** bests Mademoiselle Fairy…"

Link felt very unnerved by Navi's tone of voice.

"And you there!" Navi pointed to Foxy, "Stop trying to run away."

"Ohhh…" Foxy hung his head low.

"Now, ready to continue?" Navi asked.

"Sheesh, you're competitive," Link sighed, "What do you want me to do?"

"Well, you see…" Navi started.

Navi pulled Link over to the side, and began whispering suspiciously to him. Foxy began to shake in his shoes. Link swerved round, pulled out his sword, and pointed it at Foxy.

"_Take me to the others…_" Link glared at the boy.

* * *

Ten minutes later…

"Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgh!" the Ivan in the hat growled, "I can't believe it. You caught one of us, and forced him to give away our locations! And as soon as we began running, you threatened to kill him! You stinkin' cheat!"

"Hey, it worked, didn't it?" Link smiled to himself.

"Bwahahaha!" Navi cackled, "In. Your. Face!"

"Boss, next time, please don't challenge a bud with a sword," Foxy trembled.

"Y-y-yeah," the boy nicknamed Pig Nose stuttered.

"Talk about utter defeat!" Ivan spat on the ground, "Looks like we lost our touch, Killer Bees."

"We cheated," Link said, "How does that mean you've lost your touch?"

"'cause we are used ta cheatin'," the boy nicknamed Babyface said.

"What have I told you about talkin'? !" the leader snapped.

"Y-y-yes, boss…" Pig Nose wiped his nose.

"I guess maybe it's time you chilled out," Navi smirked, "From now on, I revoke your rights to terrorize people from other islands!"

"What about Mrs. Marie?" Foxy piped up.

"Heck, if I care," Navi said.

"So…" Link looked at his sword again, "Got anything _else_ you want to share with me?"

Link pointed his sword at the Ivan in the hat and…DUH DUH NUUUUUUHHHH! Link got his first Heart Piece! Get four of these, and you can increase your life power! …Nobody understands how this works, okay?

"Uh, this is our favorite possession, I guess, but you've proven that you're worthy," the kid gulped.

"How?" Link blinked.

"Y-y-yeah!" Ivan grinned half-heartedly, "You, erm, deserve it, bud!"

"Are you brown-nosing me?" Link asked.

Ivan turned to the other members, "To our bud—the hide-and-seek master!"

The group of boys lifted their fists up in a uniform 'hip hip hooray'. However, all of their hands were shaking.

"Oh, and one more thing…" the Ivan in the hat began to push the boy, "We need you to apologize to Mrs. Marie for us. All right?"

"Wait, what brought this on?" Link asked.

"We're countin' on you, bud!" Ivan exclaimed.

With that, all four of the boys began to push Link toward the schoolhouse. With a "push!" from behind, a uniform push sent him rolling forward. He smacked into the door.

* * *

Link got inside, and saw Mrs. Marie petting something in the corner.

"…_Precious…!_" she hissed.

"Uhh…" Link paused.

Mrs. Marie swerved into a standing position.

"What can I do for you on this fine day?" she chuckled.

"We need to talk," Navi flew forward, "I have to tell you how we totally whooped those boy's—"

"You did it, didn't you…?" Mrs. Marie's face lit up, "You said something to those delinquents for me, didn't you, dear?"

"No, we didn't actually—" Link began.

"You can't fool me!" Mrs. Marie chuckled, "I watched it all from the shadow of my door!"

Both Link and Navi stared in silence for a few minutes. _Creeeeeper…_

"You really are a dear!" Mrs. Marie exclaimed, "You fill me with joy! I have to reward you…so here's a little spare change!"

Mrs. Marie held out her hand and…DUH DUH NUUUUUUHHHH! Link got a Purple Rupee! That's equal to fiftey rupees! Once again proving that Link _can_ be bribed.

"That's it?" Link scoffed, "I found more than this under my house!"

"Link, you heartless jerk—" Navi began.

"This is equivalent to a month's pay!" Mrs. Marie hummed.

There was a long pause.

"Oh, and one more thing… Don't tell ANYBODY, dear!" Mrs. Marie whispered, "If they find out I been…_handing_ money out again, I'm going to have to spend another year in prison."

Link's jaw dropped.

"Hey!" Navi grinned, "We might not be so different after all!"

"I…I…I'm going to head outside…okay?" Link pointed at the door.

Before anyone could say more, Link grabbed Navi, and discretely exited.

* * *

As soon as Link opened the door, the Killer Bees all fell to the ground.

"Hey, sound slike you apologized to the Teach' for us!" Ivan sheepishly brushed himself off.

"'Sound slike' I did," Link said.

"Good ol' Mrs. Marie!" Ivan in the hat chuckled, "…And speakin' of, bud, did you know it's gonna be Mrs. Marie's birthday soon?"

Navi raised an eyebrow, "Why do we care?"

"Boss! Ooh! Boss!" Babyface bounced up and down, "You think maybe we should give her some kinda present or something?"

"Don't be stupid!" Ivan with the hat smacked Babyface on the head, "We're the Killer Bees! We ain't no teacher's pets!"

"Hmmm…" Navi paused, "Bees…as pets…"

Link jumped back a foot when Navi began to cackle evilly.

"Yeah, but Teach' loves jewelry and junk more than anythin' else in the world!" Foxy stroked his chin, "What's she into these days? What'd she call 'em? Joy Pendants?"

Link looked into his Spoils Bag, "Well, that's convenient."

"Really? Where do you find 'em? Are they just lyin' around?" Baby Face asked.

"Pretty much," Link said, "Seriously, those things are everywhere."

"Oh, they are not," Navi retorted.

"If we could just find some, we could give 'em to Teach' as a present, and she'd be all happy…" Babyface pondered.

"Here you go," Link said.

Link tore open the Spoils Bag, and plopped something into Baby Face's hands. DUH DUH NUUUUUUHHHH! Baby Face got a Joy Pendant! They seem to be what Mrs. Marie's current colour scheme revolves around. Should someone look into this?

"…Okay, um…" Baby Face paused.

"What? You got the girly pendant, now give it to her!" Navi exclaimed.

"I've got two more if you want," Link said.

"What?" Navi asked, "I thought you only had two to begin with!"

Link looked in the bag, "Whoa. Are those emerald caterpillars?"

"Ahhh!" Navi flung her arms in the air, "They're multiplying!"

The Ivan in the hat pulled Link over to the side.

"Look, bud," Ivan scratched his head, "I don't mean to burst your bubble here, but um…"

"We kinda got this Joy Pendant for her already…" Pig Nose explained, "But the boss here hasn't had the guts to give it to her."

The kid in the hat smacked Pig Nose atop the head.

"Oh, okay then?" Link asked, "What do you want me to do about that?"

"Well, you see," Foxy sighed, "It took us a lot of work to get that Joy Pendant…and we kinda want that one to be the one she gets…"

"And?" Link asked, "So? Where is it?"

The kid pointed at the top of a tree in the distance.

Link chuckled half-heartedly, "Ha ha, ha ha, no."

"Gah, Link, stop being such a wuss," Navi said.

"Hey, Navi," Link said, "You can fly. You go get it."

"What, I'm your delivery service now?" Navi asked.

"Just go," Link groaned.

Link watched Navi become but a speck. The speck vanished into the branches of the tree, and came whizzing back. DUH DUH NUUUUUUHHHH! Link got yet another Joy Pendant! These beautiful pendants are an example of good craftsmanship, and represent joy getting wings, and spreading it to others. …Link really must look like the kind of guy who likes this sort of thing… Link shoved the Pendant in his Spoils Bag.

"So, I just go in, and give it to her?" Link asked.

"That's the plan, bud," Ivan nodded.

"Oh, by the way," Baby Face walked up to Link, "You can have this back."

DUH DUH NUUUUUUHHHH! Link got ANOTHER Joy Pendant! Butterflies of joy and happiness, which can only seem to get on your nerves! Why does a textbox with a description of this have to show up every time you get one?

"Knock her dead, bud!" Ivan punched Link lightly on the arm.

"Don't worry," Navi said, "If she doesn't like the pendant, then we certainly will!"

"That's the spirit, blue bud!" Ivan exclaimed.

"I'll do my best…?" Link asked.

"See ya later, buds!" Ivan waved.

"Yeah!" Navi smiled, "See you…too…Ivan…"

With that, the Killer Bees ran off.

"…I don't think I'll ever get used to that…" Navi paused.

Link raised an eyebrow, "Uh-huh. Yeah. Sure."

Link headed inside the school.

* * *

Link walked inside, and his knee bumped against something.

"Ouch!"

"Oh, I'm sorry," Link said.

Link looked down. His knee had hit Mrs. Marie squarely in the nose. Fortunately there wasn't any bleeding.

"There isn't any chance you could have spoken a little louder, could you?" Mrs. Marie grumbled.

Link's mouth hung open.

Mrs. Marie coughed, and stood up, "What can I do for you on this fine day?"

"We need to talk," Navi said, "Seriously, lady, that was _really_ creepy—"

"When it comes to children, my eyes never deceive me," Mrs. Marie nodded, "Someday, dear, you will grow up to be a fine young man, and your name will go down in history…"

"Uhh…" Link paused, "Thanks?"

"What does that have to do with _anything_ I was talking about?" Navi flung out her arms in exasperation.

"Umm…" Link bit his lip, "Here?"

Link held up his hand and…DUH DUH NUUUUUUHHHH! Mrs. Marie got a Joy Pendant! These little butterflies—oh, forget it.

"My dear!" Mrs. Marie took a step backward, "That's… A Joy Pendant!"

Mrs. Marie ran off into the corner, and began to stroke the pendant rapidly. For fifteen minutes.

"Mine…all…MINE…" Mrs. Marie cackled.

"Okay, that is creeping me out," Navi paused.

"How dare you!" Mrs. Marie stood up, "I'll have you know I'm a descendant of the royal family!"

"You are?" Navi raised an eyebrow.

"Well, not a _direct _descendant, mind you," Mrs. Marie explained, "And, well, everyone on this island is to some extent…"

"Everyone on Windfall is descended from royalty?" Link gasped.

"Quite right, young man!" Mrs. Marie smiled.

"That explains a lot," Navi said.

"What do you mean?" Link asked.

"…Well…"

* * *

Flashback!

"_And after we go water skiing we should go scuba diving!" Ivan exclaimed._

"_Yes, yes, Ivan," Navi groaned, "We're getting you to the ship nice and easy now…"_

_Navi and Ivan floated by a pair of young girls. They stared at the fairies intently._

"…_What?" Navi asked._

"…_Shiney…" they drooled._

End of Flashback!

* * *

"And, yeah," Navi finished, "Ever since we came here, I've noticed that everyone's been staring at me with a gleam in their eyes. Now that you told me about your lineage…"

Link was frozen on the spot.

"Wait," Navi paused, "How long _was_ I asleep?"

"Soo…" Link turned to the teacher, "You like jewelry, I see…"

"To tell the truth, I love jewelry above all else!" Mrs. Marie squealed, "And that…Why, that is extremely rare and hard to come by."

"…Not really," Link groaned, "They keep multiplying in my Spoils Bag."

"Whoa," Navi peered into the bag, "You have six now!"

"It's the hottest thing around, dear!" Mrs. Marie hummed, "Oh my, yes! I will happily take a single one from you!"

"But I have six—" Link started.

"No, no! I insist! Only one!" Mrs. Marie said, "To tell you the truth, I'd actually like about 20 of them. But that would probably only happen in my wildest dreams."

"What would you do with twenty pieces of identical jewelry?" Link asked.

"Great, just what the world needs. A gaudy schoolteacher who exploits and bribes children to fulfill her self-centered desires to satisfy her own greed." Navi sighed, "What a _perfect _role model for children."

"You know, I've been a teacher here for a long time…" Mrs. Marie whispered, "It's tough to put one past me. That being said, I'm pretty sure I know who put you up to this, dear."

"We had to threaten them first—" Link said.

"Those little sweeties!" Mrs. Marie sighed, "I'm so joyful! It's the best birthday present I could ask for! All I need now is a caterpillar bracelet or more! I suppose I ought to thank you! Close your eyes, dear…"

"Okay, but this had better not be another stinking Joy Pendant," Link groaned.

Link closed his eyes and held out his hand. DUH DUH NUUUUUUHHHH! Link got a Red Rupee! That equals twenty rupees! Hmm…twenty? …Am I sensing a pattern here?

"Aw, come on, lady," Link groaned, "You've _got _to have more than this."

"Nope!" Mrs. Marie hummed, "That's the last of my spending money! Well, short of selling my entire jewelry collection, of course. But, that would be _outrageous!_"

For the first time, Link and Navi noticed a huge treasure chest in the corner, which seemed to glow from the cracks.

"Oh!" Mrs. Marie exclaimed, "And if you see those boys again, tell them I say hello!"

Navi's mouth hung open, "Link, let's get off this island…"

Link gulped and nodded, "Yeaaah… Before the Killer Bees decide to accost us with clubs."

Link bolted outside.

* * *

A man in a parka sat behind his stall. He looked from side to side. No customers yet. He let out a heavy sigh. When he came to this island, he expected business to be booming. Yet, he was having the trouble getting his one item to sell. Maybe he needed more publicity? Maybe he should start a Facescroll page. Everybody seemed to be doing that, nowadays…

A boy in a green tunic stormed over to the counter. Correction. A boy and a mystical glowing ball with wings. The man's face lit up underneath that parka of his. Customers. He put on his best smile, and grinned widely at the boy and his mystic beast.

"My story is a strange one..." parka man began, "I came across cursed seas from a land far away... a land where the blizzards blow violently—"

"Give me the goods, Eskimo man," Link snarled.

"Erm…" the man in the parka took a step back, "You do not wish to hear of my tale?"

"No," Navi said, "Fork over the goods. Now."

"But it's 80 rupees—" the man started.

"NOW."

DUH DUH NUUUUUUHHHH! Link bought a Sail for eighty rupees! An item in the game that, really, only seems to have one purpose…but you do kinda need it anyway.

Link turned around, and headed down the stairs.

"Yes, yes, yes!" he heard parka man cheer, "Thank you very much, indeed! I have received precisely 80 rupees for it. I can use these funds to finance my new business! Oh dear me, what a happy day!"

"Good," Navi groaned, "We've got it. We've got that $#%&ing sail."

"I guess we head back to the boat now," Link sighed.

"Yes. And we can finally get back to _actually _doing something," Navi huffed.

"Plus, you must be wondering how Ivan's doing," Link noted.

Navi froze on the spot.

"Auugggh…" Navi began to spiral out of the sky, "I don't want to go back and deal with Ivan again…"

"But he's your boyfriend," Link said.

"No…gahh, whatever," Navi sighed, "I still don't want to deal with him again. I'm too tired…"

"You've been in hibernation for only Cyclos knows how long," Link stated, "And you're _tired?_"

"Today was really stressful, okay?" Navi moaned, "I just want to go to bed… But my bed is in the other Link's hat…"

"Well, you can still sleep in my hat, right?" Link asked, "Even if you don't have any of whatever it is you had in there, you can still use my hair as a blanket."

Navi yawned, "I guess that's true… At least you keep your hair washed. So…night, Link…number two…"

Link looked at the afternoon sun, "Night?"

Navi flew into Link's hat, and he didn't hear a peep out of her after that.

* * *

Link trotted down to where he parked the boat. However, along the way, two small girls stood in his path.

"We'll give you information if you give us shiny, shiny rupees…" they said in unison.

"Uhh… No thanks…" Link chuckled nervously.

Link continued on his way back to the boat. As soon as Link got within range, the glow within the statue's mouth twitched, and Ivan popped out.

"I shall teach you the art of sailing!" Ivan's pulsing body exclaimed.

"Uhhh…" Link blinked, "Okay?"

Thirty minutes later…

"Did you understand all that?" Ivan said automatically.

Link feared that his ears might fall off if he said no.

"Yes?"

Link saw Ivan's body visibly relax. It began spiraling downward.

"Hee hee hee…" the fairy giggled, "…Why is the sky made out of water?"

Link raised both eyebrows. And he could have sworn he felt Navi roll over in her sleep.

Ivan's body jolted once more, "Oh! One more thing. When you are out at sea with few landmarks to go by, you will be at the mercy of your Sea Chart."

"My what?" Link asked.

"I have marked the place we should currently be heading for on your Sea Chart," Ivan's body twitched, "If you get lost at sea, simply press D-Pad Up to open the chart and confirm your position."

"Thanks?"

"Now!" Ivan's arm pointed with a robotic hand motion, "A westerly wind blows! Hop in and let it carry us to the east!"

With that, Ivan's body fell straight down. He face planted in the sand.

"I'm an ostrich!" cheered the fairy's muffled voice.

"…I have a feeling this is going to be a _looongg _journey…" Link sighed.

Link hopped onto the boat.

* * *

Cherry-sama: Another chapter in the bag! n.n

Link: Hey! You split this chapter into two parts! Why did you do that?

Cherry-sama: Why not?

Navi: Because you never did it in the previous fic. Sure, the chapter's long, but its only fourty three pages.

Cherry-sama: …Call it a New Fanfic's Resolution.

Navi: But it's March.

Aryll: Please ignore this inconsistent writer, and watch me blast the Seagull King out of the sky!

Cherry-sama: The line is 'please review', Aryll.

Aryll: BLAST HIM OUT OF THE SKY! _(runs off with bazooka)_


	7. Chapter 6: Wrong Way, Medli Part 1

**Chapter 6! (And you thought you had gotten rid of me for good, hadn't ya? Bad news! I'm stubborn!)**

**Disclaimer: I don't own the Legend of Zelda: the Wind Waker. Or any of the other games in the Legend of Zelda franchise. You'd have to be pretty worried if I claimed I _did_ own the franchise, though. I mean, I very much doubt that I am male, let alone a Japanese man. And if I were, I certainly wouldn't be writing English Fanfics. I'd be making video games of them instead. Unfortunately, that is not the case, so you'll have to put up with text.**

* * *

Toon Link: So now we finally get to Dragon Roost.

Cherry-sama: Yup!

Navi: _(reads over script)_ Oh come on, you split this chapter into three parts? Are you _trying _to torment your readers?

Cherry-sama: Uhhh…

Navi: That sounds like a yes to me.

Cherry-sama: Wait, no! I'm splitting the chapters up to ease the reading load on my readers! 20 pages are _way_ easier to read in one go than 60 pages are!

Navi: Uh-huh, yeah, _suuure_ it is.

Aryll: What? You want me to say something witty? Too busy right now. I'm breaking out of jail, for crying out loud.

Cherry-sama: _(face palm)_ How about a quick "please read"?

Aryll: Too busy for that too.

* * *

Navi awoke to the sound of waves. She could hear seabirds outside of her comfy quarters, squawking overhead. She blinked. It felt like she was moving. Moving faster than Link ever could.

Navi groaned. She was on the Great Sea now. Far, far away from the comforts of the Kokiri Forest. Ugh. She could feel herself getting motion sickness.

Navi flew outside, and found herself being left behind. She turned and saw Link whizzing away. Well, dang it. Navi flew her fastest to try and catch up, but she was a _tad _too slow. She saw Link look up toward the sky, and stop the boat. He started waving his arms at whatever was above him.

"How many times have I told you guys?" Link's voice was barely audible, "If you follow me, then my sister will kill you all in cold blood! Or kill me. Either way, it's a _bad _idea."

Navi flew up and yawned, "Link, what are you doing?"

"These seagulls keep flying over me when I sail. But if they do that, then Aryll will—" Link began.

"Your sister again?" Navi sighed, "Why are you so concerned? She's a little girl, for crying out loud!"

* * *

Meanwhile…in Forsaken Fortress…

"When I blow up this guard here," Aryll drew in the dust of the prison floor, "Then you two will come in from here with a railgun…"

* * *

Link sighed, "Look, you're not the first person who's underestimated Aryll."

Navi rolled her eyes, "Whatever. We'll rescue her, and then—wait, where are we going?"

"East," Link said, "That's what Ivan told me."

"Well, is Forsaken Fortress east of Windfall?" Navi asked.

Link shrugged.

"Oh, give me that!" Navi groaned.

Navi snatched the map out of Link's D-Pad Menu. And that takes skill. She skimmed over it.

"Is there any particular reason why the majority of this map is blotted out?" Navi paused.

"It's not blotted out. Those are squares I haven't trying drawing in yet," Link explained.

"Wait, what?" Navi raised an eyebrow.

"See, here we are," Link pointed at a square that was glowing, "And here's where we're heading."

There was a pause.

"But this island is in the complete opposite direction!" Navi groaned, "We should be heading _west._"

Link pointed to the head of the boat, "Hey, I was just listening to what Ivan told me."

"Sailboats!" Ivan popped out.

Navi slapped her forehead.

"Link, as a rule of thumb, never listen to a fairy with O.N.A.!" Navi groaned.

"You had O.N.A. once," Link pointed out.

"Can we go water skiing now?" Ivan asked.

"Okay, correction," Navi sighed, "Never listen to a fairy while they're having an attack."

"Well, we can't really turn around," Link said, "The wind's blowing the other way."

Navi sighed, "Great, just what we need…a detour."

Ivan gasped, "Navi, let's build water castles! It's like a sand castle but only with water!"

There was a long pause.

"Excuse me while I go drown myself now," Navi groaned.

"Well, we can at least keep going," Link said, "Staying out here in the middle of the ocean won't do us any good."

"I'll start by building the foundation," Ivan went down to the water's surface.

"I suppose you're right," Navi said, "Well, set sail again."

Link hoisted the sail up once more, and Navi pushed Ivan back inside the mouth of the boat, promising they'd build water castles later. Link began to sail off again, but noticed that he had left Navi behind. Link folded up the sail again.

"You know, maybe it's best if you stay in my hat while we sail…" Link called out.

"Alright, alright, I'm coming," Navi sighed.

Navi flew into Link's hat, and they began sailing again. Not long after, however, Ivan zipped out of the mouth, and began talking. This, somehow, made the sail fold itself up, and stopped the boat.

"There!" Ivan's arm pointed forward, "On the horizon! That is our destination, Link... Dragon Roost Island!"

"I've heard of this place," Link said, "The Postmen live here, right?"

"Ugh, but this ISN'T where we're _supposed _to be arriving at!" Navi groaned.

"High atop this island's peak lives the spirit of the skies, a great dragon by the name of Valoo," Ivan pointed to the top of the island, "You must go see this dragon and request from him a jewel called Din's Pearl. Ask the people of the Rito tribe who inhabit this island about how to see the dragon."

"I just said that," Link said.

"Link, let's just get the boat on shore," Navi said.

After a prompt docking…

"Okay, so, talk to the Rito and get a…" Link paused, "…pearl of some sort?"

"To crown our water castle with!" Ivan giggled.

"Forget it, Link," Navi said, "He's not going to repeat himself. It's O.N.A."

"Right," Link said, "Okay, let's go."

"Don't forget to pick up some seashells…" Ivan said, "Like that thing! Pointy, pointy!"

"Sooo…which way from here…" Link stroked his chin.

"Pointy, pointy!" Ivan pointed to something.

"Wait, did Ivan just say the same thing twice?" Navi asked.

"Point, point!" Ivan pointed with both arms.

Link swerved around to see what Ivan was pointing at. In the mouth of the wooden statue's head, was something white and pointed. Link raised an eyebrow. That wasn't there before. Maybe when Ivan flew out, he knocked it into the wooden teeth.

Link waded over to the boat. He grabbed the white thing, and tried to wiggle it loose. Wouldn't budge. He pulled. Nothing. He pulled with both arms. He felt something slip. Suddenly, the object came flying out, and landed in the sand. Link picked it up.

"What is _this?_" Link asked.

Link turned to Ivan, who gave him a response that didn't sound Hylian.

"Looks like a baton," Navi said.

"Is that so?" Link asked.

Link began swishing the baton around. Sparkles started coming out of it. Nothing seemed to happen besides that.

Navi looked at the baton, "Link, I have this hunch that whatever that is, it's something so important, that the entire game was named after it."

"The baton's named Totally Bizarre?" Link blinked.

"No, gah, that's not what I meant," Navi huffed, "Anyways, lift it above your head already so the narrator can tell us what it is."

"Oh, right," Link said.

DUH DUH DUH NUUUUUUHHHH! Link got the Wind Waker! A baton of the winds, which is so important, that the game revolves around it. You're dang right, it's important.

"Okay, so…" Link looked at the baton, "I guess it' named the Wind Waker…"

Link swung it around experimentally, getting the feel for the item. He accidentally smacked Ivan with the tip. The fairy spiraled downward and faceplanted in the sand.

"Whoops," Link said, "Sorry Ivan. But I don't think that what just happened will likely affect your demeanor."

"ほんとうです か?" Ivan asked.

"Or not…" Link said, "Navi, he's not speaking Hylian anymore."

"That's very nice, Link," Navi sighed, "But we don't have all day. He'll be fine eventually, so let's just get that pearl, and get out of here as fast as possible."

"Well…" Link paused, "I've always wanted to know more about the Rito…so maybe we can…"

"Link, no. I want to get out of here as soon as possible. Now move!" Navi commanded.

"Okay, okay, sheesh," Link sighed, "But maybe we'll find a translator for Ivan while we're here…"

* * *

A long time later…

"Augh!" Navi let out, "Who _plants _bomb flowers anyway!"

Link dragged his feet. The amount of thought concentration and logic it took for Link to get this far was pain staking. Link groaned. He was only two meters up, and two meters away from the shore.

"Maybe we should head to Forsaken Fortress now…" Link sighed.

"Yeah, I'm getting to feel that way too," Navi said.

"But you didn't even do anything," Link said.

Navi pointed to Ivan.

"ぼくははちじにうみでおよきます。" Ivan explained.

"You know, him speaking like that would make more sense if this was a Japanese videogame," Link sighed.

"Whatever, Link," Navi said, "We're almost there. Just go up this path, and the entrance is bound to be there."

Link heaved himself up the path. Man, who would put boulders in the middle of pathways like that? Wait. The people living here are Rito. …That explains a lot.

Link walked into a balcony. In the balcony, was a man, standing there stoically. Link squinted.

"Aren't you the postman from Outset?" Link asked.

The man turned around, "I am. Who is asking?"

The Rito man examined Link from head to toe.

"Ah! Link!" the Postman began to tremble, "I am, um, not a person who you should deem suspicious, Link."

"But it's rather suspicious that you said that," Navi pointed out.

"Oh, yes," the Postman paused, "I suppose that is true…"

Link raised an eyebrow, "Okay then?"

The man turned to Link, "I'm pleased to see that you're okay."

"Thanks," Link said, "I didn't know you were concerned about me."

"Link, you traveled to Forsaken Fortress, and almost drowned because of it," Navi said, "Anybody who is concerned for you, should be."

"I must say..." the postman stroked his chin, "you've traveled far for one with no wings..."

"It helps to have a boat," Link shrugged.

"And your sister? Is she still...?" the postman asked.

Link looked to the side, "Yeah, she's still at war with the seagulls…"

"Oh," the postman paused, "That is not exactly what I was asking, but it is a good thing to know nonetheless."

"Yeah, she thinks she's found the 'Seagull King'," Link explained, "So, that's the only reason she's still at Forsaken Fortress."

"Is that so?" the postman asked, "Well, don't worry too much. I'm sure she'll hang in there."

"It's not her I'm worried about," Link said, "It's everyone else in the fortress!"

"Wait a second," Navi paused, "Where did Ivan go?"

Link turned to Navi. "Sheesh, you should keep a better eye on your boyfriend."

"Shut up!" Navi huffed, "I'm just concerned because he's lost speaking a language no one understands!"

"Well, if you're so worried, why don't you go find him?"

"Maybe I will!" Navi huffed.

Navi flew off, a hint of red to her usual blue.

"Ignore that. We've lost…our…guide?" Link said, "Er…something like that. Please, continue."

"I have an idea, Link," the postman spoke up, "Would you like to meet our chieftain? I've told my people here about you, and all of us Rito are very concerned. I'm certain the chieftain will befriend you and lend you the aid of our aerie."

"Concerned for Aryll?" Link raised an eyebrow, "Or concerned for seagull kind?"

"It's a mixture of both, actually," the Rito said, "And how the two elements concern our people."

"Well, whatever," Link shrugged, "Talking to the chief might help me find the pearl faster."

"It's settled, then!" the postman nodded, "I'll fly on ahead and let everyone know you're coming."

"Okay," Link said, "Besides, I have to wait for my part-time fairies come back."

With that, the postman spread his wings, and took off for a door shaped hole in the wall. Link turned around just in time to see Navi carrying Ivan over to him.

"Great timing," Link said, "So, what was Ivan doing?"

"I found him trying to befriend some rocks," Navi explained, "According to him they were willing to make water castles with him."

"Their names were Igneous and Metamorphic!" Ivan declared, "They were really nice."

"I see he's speaking Hylian again," Link noted, "And those are possibly the longest words I've heard come out of his mouth. And I've known him for less than a day."

"Just barely speaking Hylian, you mean," Navi sighed, "As usual."

"Anyway, the postman flew over into that hole in the rock," Link pointed further along the path, "He wanted me to follow him. Wanna come?"

"Yeah, sure," Navi shrugged, "They'll probably know something about the pearl."

"The pearl Ivan wants us to get," Link added.

Ivan giggled. There was a pause.

"Why are we getting this pearl again?" Navi asked.

"It gives us something to do while we wait for the wind to change directions," Link sighed.

"Augh…" Navi gargled, "Well, let's hurry up and find it already…"

Link walked into the hole.

* * *

Upon entering, Link noticed that the room was very large, and had a pathway spiraling in an upward direction. Strange. You think people with wings wouldn't build pathways in the first place, but whatever.

In the center of the room were a handful of Rito. There was one flying in the air, and talking to one on the ground which wore robes. On the other side was the postman from Link's island. Seems that he had walked into the middle of a conversation.

"Well?" the Rito in robes asked, "Have you discovered the cause of the great Valoo's anger?"

The flying Rito shook his head.

"You haven't spoken since we began this conversation," the robed Rito pondered, "Why is that?"

"It's…because…it's…so hard…to speak…while…airborne…" the flying Rito wheezed.

"Ah," the robed Rito nodded, "Very well then, carry on."

With that, the Rito flew upwards. Link would have followed the Rito with his gaze if he could, but the camera angle wouldn't let him. Link walked forward.

"Hi," Link said, "You guys are apparently concerned for me?"

"Link, you've got to have a better way of butting into conversations than that!" Navi buzzed up and down.

"Not really," Link shrugged.

"So, you are Link, are you?" the robed Rito smiled, "Quill has told me all about you."

Link turned to Quill, "You have a _name?_"

"Erm… Indeed, last time I checked," Quill paused.

"I reject your reality, and substitute for no name!" Ivan flew about behind Link.

"Whoa," Link's eyes widened.

"Link, everyone has a name!" Navi buzzed up and down.

"Yeah, I know, but…" Link gaped, "But, I've always known him as 'the postman'. 'The postman who delivers mail to Outset'. 'The Traitorous postman'…that sort of thing."

There was an awkward pause.

"I'm with Ivan on this one. Substitute with no name," Link crossed his arms.

"Wow, that was subtle," Navi rolled her eyes.

Quill gave Link a very frightened look, "So…erm… "Traitorous Postman" is your sister's title for me, then?"

"Yeah," Link said, "But don't worry. She can't hurt any of you guys as long as she's still at the fortress."

"A troubling tale, indeed..." the robed Rito sighed, "The tale of a monstrous girl finally getting what she deserves, and her kind-hearted, older brother attempting to rescue her."

"He meant, by no means, any offense to you when he said that," Quill whispered to Link.

"None taken," Link whispered back.

"Link, can you teach me how to use a bazooka?" Ivan asked.

Navi almost fainted, "Definitely not! If you learn how to use a bazooka I will never build water castles with you. _Ever_."

"Ohhhhh," Ivan moped.

"I insist you let us know if there is anything we can do to help you," the robed Rito told Link, "We shall do anything in our power to assist you. Well, apart from lending you a wing to fly you to where she is held."

"That's fine," Link shrugged, "I have a boat, anyway."

"Why are you guys so weary of Link's little sister?" Navi asked, "Quill I can understand, but the rest of you?"

"Well, you see," the robed Rito explained, "Quill is the tenth postman over the past four years to be dispatched to Outset Island. The other nine all of have taken early retirement due to various injuries of questionable origins."

Quill winced when he heard this.

Link slapped his forehead, "_Aryll…_"

"Navi, I—" Ivan started.

"Not now," Navi rolled her eyes.

"…Is your friend alright?" the robed Rito seemed rather concerned.

"Yeah," Navi said, "He's always been like this."

Ivan started to dance. There was a long pause.

"Anyways, in the meantime, we have a problem of our own to deal with..." the robed Rito turned to Link.

"I thought Aryll attacking all of Outset's postmen _was _your problem," Link asked.

"Erm, well, I meant rather we have a more pressing problem at wing," the robed Rito explained further, "When you arrived on the island, did you notice the raging dragon perched atop the mountain?"

"Whoa!" Navi gasped, "There's a _dragon _in this videogame series? One that's not evil? Like, _actually?_"

"As you can see, we of the Rito tribe are profoundly connected to the sky," the robed Rito said, "We make our livings on the airways. We do so by the graces of the sky spirit, Valoo. When a Rito reaches adulthood, he or she journeys to the top of Dragon Roost to receive a scale from the great dragon. It is this scale that enables the Rito to grow his or her wings."

"That's nice?" Navi said.

"Ohhh…" Link nodded with understanding, "I always wondered how that works."

"And I'm weightless—" Ivan started to sing.

"No!" Navi flew over and covered Ivan's mouth, "No running gags!"

Many of the Ritos gave Ivan strange looks.

"Recently, however, the once-gentle Valoo has grown violent and unpredictable," the robed Rito sighed, "Sadly, we can no longer approach him. If this continues, the fledglings who are of age will never be able to receive scales from Valoo on Dragon Roost. They will remain wingless, and in time, our very way of life will be threatened."

"Oh dear me," Navi's wings drooped, "That does sound discouraging."

"On the other hand," Link added, "If you no longer have wings, Aryll will no longer have any reason to suspect you guys."

"Link, losing your wings so you are no longer a suspect of some kid's little sister doesn't sound like a plus to me," Navi said.

"As chieftain of the Rito, my first responsibility is to solve this problem," the robed Rito said, "Then our priorities will focus on your sister."

"I understand completely," Navi sniffed, "Do whatever you can to calm the dragon down!"

Link raised an eyebrow, "Wow, you suddenly care now? That's a switch."

"Shut up!" Navi sniffed, "You don't know how traumatizing the thought of losing your wings is…"

"My apologies, but I must ask you to wait for our assistance until these tasks are done," the Rito Chief bowed, "Will you do so?"

"Ehhh, the only reason I'm here is to wait for the wind to change—" Link began.

"Of course he will!" Navi sniffed, "Nobody should ever have to lose their wings!"

Link raised an eyebrow.

"What?" Navi asked, "Imagine what fairies would be like if they were born without wings! We'd have to adapt drastically! Where would we find food? What would we live in?"

"Navi, wouldn't it be cool to live in a pineapple?" Ivan tugged on Navi's wing.

"Wait, what?" Navi raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah! A pineapple under the sea!" Ivan giggled, "Next to our water castles!"

"…I suppose that _is_ a possibility," Navi pondered.

The Rito gave Navi and Ivan strange looks again.

Quill turned to the Chief, "What do you think of consulting Link with regards to your son, Prince Komali? As you can see, Link is a gallant young lad!"

The Rito Chief looked down at Link, who had wandered over to the other side of the room, and had begun to read other people's mail.

"Hey! Navi, come over here. This one's quite good," Link said, "'Dear Cindy, I'm sorry for setting your house on fire while I was drunk. Please come back to me! I promise we'll start over! I'll rebuild your house, brick by brick! With love Issun.'"

"How does one burn down a brick building?" Navi flew over.

Link shrugged.

"I feel certain that Prince Komali would open his heart and speak freely of his fears and worries," Quill nodded.

The Chief lowered his voice, "That may be..."

"The other possibility is that Link will start reading the Prince's diary," Quill added, "Either way, the lad's going to get it out of him."

"True, true," the Chief nodded.

The Chief coughed to get Link's attention. Link didn't flinch, and continued reading a letter.

Link waved his hand, "Can't you see I'm a little busy right now?"

"Link! That's the King of the Rito!" Navi hissed, "Be more polite."

"Let me be direct," the Rito Chief said, "My son, Komali, is of the age to earn his wings... Yet... he is weak, in some ways...and in light of the current situation, he may just give up on ever getting them..."

Navi gasped. Link raised an eyebrow. It was not like Navi to be so concerned about stuff like this. He was getting worried about her. And considering he had only known her for a day and a half, that's saying something.

"What say you? Will you share some of your courage with my son?" the Chief asked, "Will you meet with my son?"

Link huffed, "Hey, that kid doesn't have to get wings if he doesn't want to—"

"That moron!" Navi growled, "Don't worry, Chief! We'll beat some sense into your son!"

"You mean 'convince him through diplomatic means', yes?" the Chief asked.

"Yeah, sure, whichever one works," Navi shrugged.

"I thank you," the Chief let out a sigh of relief, "We shall do our best to solve our problem as quickly as possible, so that we may better help you with yours."

"Our problem is with the wind's current direction," Link said, "I don't see how you can change anything about that."

"I have something I wish of you to give to my son," the Rito Chief added, "A young girl named Medli is holding it for me. Will you find her and take it?"

"Yes we will!" Navi was beaming, "It must be very big and important if you asked one of the other villagers to keep an eye on it for you."

"Sure, whatever," Link sighed.

"I am counting on you!" the Chief said.

Quill turned to Link.

"Here, Link, take this with you!" Quill turned to Link, "Who knows? It might come in handy."

DUH DUH NUUUUUUHHHH! Link got the Delivery Bag! A nifty little bag that all postmen seem to have on them. Now, Link is just as cool! …But I'm not sure why Link really _needs _this…

"You should find Medli in one of the upper rooms," the Rito Chief said, "Leave the great Valoo to us. In the meanwhile, do your best to aid Prince Komali!"

With that, the Chief flew off with Quill and a couple of other Ritos.

"Okay then," Link said, "I guess we should find Medli."

"You're dang right, we will," Navi buzzed up and down, "After that, I'm going to beat this Komali kid to a pulp!"

"Like orange juice!" Ivan exclaimed.

"Navi, that wasn't exactly what we were instructed to do," Link paused.

"Yes, well," Navi said, "that doesn't mean we aren't going to."

"'kay," Link said, "Hold on a second. I just want to finish this one guy's letter—"

"Stop procrastinating!"

"Okay, okay, for the love of Cyclos!" Link stuffed the letter back in the box.

* * *

Link walked up the spiraling path, and checked every room he came across. As he walked by an entrance to a room, he stopped in his tracks. In the room were two Rito guards and a young Rito girl. What had caused Link to stop was that the Rito girl stood facing the wall, her bill inches from its surface. He'd almost missed seeing her.

"Hello?" Link asked.

"Hello!" she smiled at the wall, "How may I be of assistance?"

"Uhhh…" Link's mouth sagged open.

Sudden realization came over her.

"Oh, no… This isn't right… I'm terribly sorry," she chuckled nervously, "Here, let me try again."

She turned around, and took five paces. However, now she was facing a table in the middle of the room.

"Augh… No…" she said to the table, "This isn't right either."

"What are you doing?" Link asked.

"Just give me a minute here!" she said.

With that, she swerved, and began walking again. She walked over to one of the two Rito Guards.

"Oh…no…" she sighed, "This is a terrible first impression."

The guard looked down at her, "Have you tried walking towards me?"

"Oh!" her face lit up, "That's a good idea. Thank you very much!"

With that, the girl did a quick 180, and walked over to Link.

"There we go!" she smiled.

"…What the $#&% was that?" Navi exclaimed.

"Did I upset you?" she put her hand over her mouth, "Oh, dear me, I am so sorry. …This is seriously becoming a problem."

There was a small silence.

The girl gasped, "Oh, so you're the fellow with the green clothes and strange-shaped hat? You're Link, right?"

"Yes," Link shrugged, "And you are?"

"And I'm Navi," Navi added.

"Oh, me? I'm an attendant of the great sky spirit, Valoo," the girl chuckled nervously, "My name is Medli."

"And I'm Navi," Navi repeated.

"Okay, Medli," Link said, "Pleased to meet you."

"You too!" Medli grinned.

Medli stuck out her hand to shake it, however, it shot out behind her.

"Okay, what is with that?" Link pointed to Medli's hand.

"Gaah…" Medli sighed, "It's a problem I have had since I was little. See, I'm a bit 'directionally challenged', as the other Rito like to call it."

"A bit?" Navi asked.

"Well, yes," Medli sighed, "They say I was dropped as an egg. And because of this handicap of mine that the Chief has prohibited me from delivering letters like the other Rito. That is, until I can overcome this little setback of mine."

Link paused. Considering Medli's strange behavior, it was no wonder why the Rito Chief didn't want to leave mail in her care.

"But, apart from that…" Medli said, "I'm completely normal."

Medli attempted to bow, but ending up falling backward. There was a long pause.

"Wait, where's Ivan?" Navi asked, "Did we leave him behind?"

"Will you quit losing him?" Link said exasperatedly, "It's really annoying that you have to run off and go find him all the time."

Navi flared, "Well, sorry! It's not my fault that he's also directionally challenged. Or mentally challenged, I don't know which."

"You'd better go find him," Link sighed.

Navi buzzed out the door.

"Good riddance," Link muttered to himself, "As you were saying, Medli?"

"Right. But even though I can't deliver mail. I've been given the job of being an attendant to the great Valoo. …Well, to tell the truth... I'm not an attendant of Valoo quite yet," Medli chuckled, "I'm actually still studying to be one. Ummm…can you help me up?"

"Sure," Link said, "Give me one of your hands."

Medli extended her arm, but in a sideways motion. As a result, she accidentally slapped Link's face.

"Right," Link sighed, "Directionally challenged."

"Sorry…" Medli winced.

"Oww…" Link rubbed his cheek.

One of the guards walked over from the other side of the room, and picked her up. After a quick thank-you from Medli, he returned to his post.

"Oh, what am I thinking?" Medli realized, "Here! This is from the chieftain. Link, he wants you to give this directly to Prince Komali."

Medli, after a couple tries, pulled out something out from under her robe. She proceeded to try and hand it to Link, but she ended up lifting it above her head. Link sighed, and snatched it out of her hands. DUH DUH NUUUUUUHHHH! Link got a letter for Prince Komali! It's probably some sort of pep talk letter or something.

"That's it?" Link blinked, "A letter? He wants me to deliver a stinking letter?"

"It doesn't smell, but…" Medli trailed off.

"Why couldn't he just deliver it himself?" Link asked, "Better yet, this is the postal central of the Great Sea. Why didn't he ask one of the postmen to deliver it?"

"Well, most of the other postmen have been busy with other letters…" Medli sighed, "And, this is a little embarrassing to admit, but I offered to deliver it for the Chief…but I never made it out of the door…"

Link stared at the girl in silence. Navi flew in with Ivan beside her.

"Found him," Navi declared.

"Wheeeee!" Ivan sang, "Bird people, Navi! Bird people!"

"The room way in the back on the first floor is Prince Komali's room," Medli explained, "You have to go down a couple steps to get there."

"I thought you were directionally challenged," Navi said.

"Well, I _do _know where the room is," Medli chuckled nervously, "It's just getting there is the problem…"

"Oh, miss bird lady, you have such pretty eyes!" Ivan exclaimed.

"Good for you, Ivan," Navi said.

"Oh, why thank you…" Medli said, smiling at the floor.

Navi face palmed.

"Anyways, when you meet Prince Komali, please don't get offended by his manner," Medli sighed, "He has no bad intentions, I promise."

"Bad intentions or not," Navi said, "I still want to beat him up."

Medli clasped her hands over her mouth. Or…she tried to. She ended up clasping her ponytail. There was a silence that ensued.

"By the way, ummmm..." Medli looked away, "Listen, Link... I have a small favor I'd like to ask of you... Could you please come to the entrance of Dragon Roost Cavern later?"

"Why?" Link raised an eyebrow.

"...I'll explain everything then," Medli said.

"I thought you said you were having trouble getting out of the room before," Link pointed out.

"Well, yes," Medli said, "However, I've come up with a plan. I'm going to try and go out of door behind me, and see if that works."

There was another silence.

"…Ummm," Link bit his lip, "We're going to go deliver the letter now."

Medli smiled and waved…her hand in front of her face. Link waved back—he assumed that's what she meant to do. Link turned 'round, and headed out the open door.


	8. Chapter 6: Wrong Way, Medli Part 2

Link wandered his way down through the corridors, and eventually found a hallway. This hallway had two small flights of stairs, which lead down to a room with a door. Link figured this must have been the prince's room since, firstly, it was given a hallway and a flight of stairs, and secondly, it was the only room in the roost that had a door on the frame.

Link strode confidently inside. He found a large room to compliment the grandiose lead up. Inside was a bed, and a couple of bookshelves with rubber duckies on them. Link turned his head, and saw a young boy lying on the bed. He was holding a sphere that glowed bright orange.

Link strode up to the boy, "Nice bedroom. Though, I'm not quite sure what's with the rubber ducks…"

"Huh?" the boy sat up, "Who are you supposed to be?"

"Where'd he even get them?" Navi asked, "They haven't been invented yet!"

"What do you want from me, huh?" the boy frowned.

Ivan flew in little circles and landed lightly between two rubber ducks. He threw his arms around the neck of the one closest to him and snuggled against it. Or at least that was what Link assumed he did, because it was difficult to see arms on that glowing ball.

"Hey, can I have one of these?" Link pointed to the ducks.

The boy huffed, "I…I don't want to talk to anyone right now!"

The boy rolled over on his side, and clutched the glowing ball protectively.

"I assume that's a yes?" Link grabbed a duck and slipped it into his tunic.

DUH DUH NUUUUUUHHHH! Link stole a Rubber Duck! Cute and cuddly, and nice in the tubby. This adorable little pal will be your best friend in the bath tub! …But is also another useless item, that will only take up space in your inventory if you don't take baths.

"Link!" Navi whispered, "The letter!"

"Oh, right," Link paused, "Here you go."

Link handed the letter to the kid. The kid tore it from Link's hands, and began reading it.

"A letter? From my father?" the boy huffed.

"Yes," Link huffed, "I'm not sure why he didn't just give it to you himself…"

"Huh," Navi paused, "So you must be Komali."

"Oh, sure, telling me to be brave is easy enough for him..." the boy, Komali, huffed, "It's not like he's the one who went through that horrible experience... It's not like HE still has to go get a scale from Valoo."

"Yes," Navi said, "But, he's the one who has to put up with your attitude. He's the one who commands the Ritos. And HE'S the one who has taken care of you, raised you, and gave you this gigantic room of yours!"

"The only one I've found in the roost," Link added, "So far. Lucky kid. I don't even _have _a room."

"You're in this letter, too, you know..." Komali glared at Link, "Poking your nose in other people's business... You're nosy, aren't you?"

Navi burst out laughing.

"Hey!" Link glared at the fairy.

"I had never thought about it that way before!" Navi snorted, "But now that you mention it, you _ARE _really nosy!"

"With boogers too?" Ivan asked suddenly.

Navi began laughing even harder. Link looked at Komali, who was giving Navi the strangest look he'd ever seen.

Link sighed, "So, about that dragon…"

"Sorry, but I really don't feel like going to see Valoo right now," Komali clutched his sphere protectively, "I mean, how am I supposed to get a scale from him when he's so upset?"

"It sounds like you just want to get out of it," Link shrugged.

"What?" Komali glared at Link, "Are you trying to tell me that YOU can calm Valoo down?"

"Uhhh…" Link paused, "Random much."

"No!" Navi hissed, "Of course he doesn't—"

"Come on," Link put up his fists, "I can take him! Just like I took down those two Bokoblins in the forest!"

"But I did that—"

"Yup!" Link grinned smugly, "Just like those ferocious, rabid, Bokoblins."

"Psssssh!" Komali let out, "That's just a big, fat lie! It's easy to SAY you can do anything! Bragging doesn't cost a thing!"

"HA!" Navi blurted into Link's ear.

"I'll tell you what: if you can find me someone who can get past all the obstacles on Dragon Roost to get to Valoo..." Komali huffed, "THEN I'll listen to anything you say!"

Without thinking, Link pointed to Navi. Navi pointed to herself as well. Ivan pointed to the rubber duckies beside him. Link pointed his finger at himself when he thought nobody was looking.

"Are you sure you want to make that bet, kiddo?" Navi raised an eyebrow.

"Hey!" Link said suddenly, "What's that shiny orb, kid?"

"What? Oh, this…?" Komali pointed to his orb, "It's strange…holding this calms me down. I forget all the bad things."

"Don't try and change the subject, Link," Navi said.

"It's so pretty, isn't it?" Komali looked at the orb, "It's called Din's Pearl."

Nobody in the room moved. Except Ivan. Ivan bounced around on the duckies. But Ivan didn't really count.

"My grandma gave it to me," Komali continued, "My grandma used to be Valoo's attendant. She was the only person on the island who understood Valoo's language. Oh, Grandma… If she were here, I know she would calm Valoo down. I just know it…"

"Dang it," Navi muttered bitterly under her breath, "Why couldn't Ivan's O.N.A. have reacted to some other hero so that _they_ could gotten Din's Pearl while this lady was still alive?"

"Pardon?" Link asked.

"Well, I suppose there's always bribery…" Navi turned to Komali, "How much do you want for it, kiddo?"

"Navi, whatever happened to helping the Rito with their wing problems?" Link asked, "And you know, he'll probably like us better if we calm Valoo down. Two birds with one stone."

Komali glared at Link.

"Er, just a metaphor," Link chuckled nervously, "Anyways, calming Valoo down… I'm sure someone like your father can do that."

"My father and the rest? Ha. No matter how much they try…they'll fail," Komali stated, "I know it. No one else can calm Valoo down. Especially not Medli. It's impossible…"

"Well, Medli, I can understand, but…" Link said.

"Look, Link, forget about calming the dragon. Bribery has always paid off in the end for me," Navi said, "So how much do you want for it, kid? 100? 1000?"

"What? What is it, huh?" Komali glared.

"3000? 4000?" Navi asked.

"Navi, I don't have nearly that much—"

"5000? 6000 rupees?" Navi continued.

"Are you serious?" Komali noticed the gleam in Navi's eye, "Listen, you can stare all you want, but I'm not giving this to you. This is MY treasure. Do you understand? I'm not just going to hand it over to some do-nothing guy, am I?"

Navi paused, "But…but I'm a girl!"

Komali blinked, "Wait…what? You are?"

Link sniggered to the side.

"Wow…" Komali paused, "That makes a lot more sense…and a lot less sense at the same time…"

"OKAY! THAT'S IT, KIDDO!" Navi turned a funny reddish colour, "YOU'RE GOING DOWN—"

Link clapped his hands over Navi. This didn't stop her from yelling provoking statements at him.

"Come on, Navi," Link sighed, "Let's go somewhere else. Ivan, you too."

"AND YOUR GRANDMOTHER!" Navi continued, "AND YOUR GRANDMOTHER'S GRANDMOTHER—"

Ivan took to the air and alighted on Link's hat, muttering something about bird people. As they walked out the door, Link could have sworn he heard Komali shout "That may be! _But I have the pearl~! And you doooonn't~!_" And this kid was going to become the next chief?

* * *

Sometime later…when the transitions weren't so lazy…

Link ducked into another hallway. He released Navi when he thought she had calmed down enough. He continued a light jog.

"Stupid kid," Navi muttered, "So, Link, where are we going?"

"I've been kinda wondering where this place leads to, and it's really been bugging me," Link said.

"That's all?" Navi asked.

Link nodded.

"But I thought Medli wanted to meet with us," Navi said.

"Yeah, well," Link shrugged, "She'll probably have a hard time getting to wherever it was we were meeting…so we probably will have a lot of extra time before she'll get there."

"Link, stop procrastinating," Navi grumbled, "Besides, for all we know, Medli may have had an escort. Those guys by the doors seemed to know how to handle Medli."

"Please," Link rolled his eyes, "She said she wanted to meet me alone. Besides, her directionally challenged-ness can't make her _that_ incompetent."

One of the guards from before walked by Link from the opposite direction. They stared at each other for a moment before the guard continued walking.

"Hey, that guy could be doing anything," Link protested, "Like, delivering mail!"

"To a mysterious corridor that gets warmer as we go farther in?" Navi asked.

"Yes," Link huffed, "That's exactly it. It's got to be."

Link soon wound up in a rocky area, with a huge trench dug in the middle of it. He could feel small gusts of wind ripple across his tunic. The gusts of wind seemed to be blowing in random directions, and carried volcanic ash around with it. Link looked below and saw a large rock with water leaking out from under it, and not too far away, was Medli. Link climbed down a ladder, and went over to meet her.

"It's the pretty bird lady!" Ivan grinned.

"Hey, you actually came!" Medli gasped.

"This just goes to show how much she trusts us…" Navi said.

"Oh, hush," Link shushed.

"Oh! I'm sorry," Medli blushed, "I didn't mean it like that—"

"Whatever, what are we doing here?" Link asked.

"I'm really sorry for bringing you to such a dangerous place. I had to! I wouldn't have asked if I didn't need help desperately," Medli sighed.

"Wow, this must be important," Navi's wings perked up, "Cut to the chase. You can spare us the details."

"You see this place?" Medli said, "There used to be a spring here, surrounded by a beautiful pond... It was peaceful and lovely. But then the great Valoo... He became so angry, and...in his rage, he shook the mountain and this boulder crashed down, plugging the spring."

Medli tried to indicate at the boulder on her left, however, she pointed to the wall on her right.

"You mean that one?" Link pointed to the rock.

"Oh, yes," Medli chuckled nervously, "That same one."

"Umm…" Navi paused, "That doesn't tell us anything about why we need to be here…"

"You can see the result," Medli continued, "Oh, but where is my mind? Tell me, how was Prince Komali?"

"Heh heh…" Link chuckled, "About that…"

"Oh, him?" Navi asked, "That jerk wouldn't accept my bribe!"

"Oh... That's doesn't sound right..." Medli muttered to herself, "Not at all. He usually loves to have extra cash on hand… Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear…"

Link suddenly found that he was extremely concerned for the next generation of Ritos.

"I may be partially to blame for the bad turn that Prince Komali's taken..." Medli sighed.

"What? Did you bribe him to keep him calm?" Navi raised an eyebrow.

"No, well…a bit. But that's not the point. See, Prince Komali's grandmother was the great Valoo's former attendant. She was an amazing woman. She taught me how to get out of bed in the morning…by myself!"

"Wow, that does sound like quite the accomplishment…" Navi paused.

"But I still have a bit of trouble getting my slippers on…" Medli sighed.

"Have you tried putting them on your hands instead?" Ivan asked.

Medli paused for a minute, then pulled out a notepad from under her dress. She scribbled away rapidly on the inside cover. Navi looked at the paper and saw that every word Medli wrote was mirrored. She soon tucked the notepad back under her dress.

"What else have you got under there?" Link asked.

"K+, Link," Navi warned, "K+."

"There. Now where were we?" Medli asked, "Ah yes. I was honored to have her as my teacher... She was kind and brave and unsurpassed in her dealings with the great Valoo. I'm not yet worthy of being mentioned in the same breath as her."

Ivan gasped, "But Rhapsody, you need to breath!"

"No, Ivan," Navi groaned, "That's not what she meant. And her name isn't Rhapsody."

"If only I'd possess some of her strength, I'm sure Prince Komali would have felt more secure," Medli pondered, "Link, I'm sorry to ask this but I need your help!"

"Yes," Navi said, "We gathered that. We gathered that about a page ago. I'm not sure why you felt the need to give us back story of this dried up pond, and your teacher."

"Oh…I'm sorry," Medli let out a small sigh.

"Well, whatever," Link huffed, "We're here now, and we are willing to help. What do you need?"

"I want to go to the small shrine that's near the peak of Dragon Roost, but that ledge over there is so high..." Medli explained.

Medli pointed at the ground. She paused, and then pointed to a ledge with a broken ladder.

"If I could get some wind under my wings, I'm sure I could get up there," Medli said, "So... Will you help me?"

"Sure," Link shrugged.

"Whew... Thank you so much!" Medli smiled, "Okay, pick me up. Then face that ledge and toss me!"

"But you are a bloody bird person," Navi huffed, "You have a beak and everything. Why don't you just fly up there?"

"The atmospheric currents are really messed up," Medli explained, "so pay close attention to the direction of the wind. I would do this myself, but I don't have enough coordination to do so."

"Rhapsody…" Ivan flew over and hugged Medli's arm, "You're my hero~…"

"Okay, seriously," Navi looked around, "Isn't there a way to get counseling for this? Self-help books? Directionally Challenged Anonymous? Anything?"

"All right, I'm ready!" Medli huffed, "Don't hold back, now! Throw me as hard as you can!"

After a moment of deep concentration, Medli managed to get herself into fetal position. Link walked up, grabbed her, and chucked her forward. However, the direction of the wind changed suddenly, and Medli went flying head first into a wall. A loud 'splat' ensued.

Link shrugged, "Oops."

Medli tried to walk around, but she ended up moving in a contorted line. Three yellow stars floated above her head as she did so.

"I'm…I'm fiiiine!" Medli chuckled, "That…didn't really hurt."

"Being thrown against a wall 'didn't really hurt'?" Navi asked, "Who are you, Ivan?"

Link looked at Navi, "You've thrown him against a wall?"

"No, he's flown into it by himself," Navi retorted, "Where is he, anyways?"

"Oh…he's clinging to Medli's shirt," Link said, "See? There."

"…I wonder why…never mind," Navi said, "Just leave him for now."

"What was I saying?" Medli regained her composure, "Oh, yeah! Once…Once more! With the wind! Toss away! Please!"

"If you say so," Link said.

After setting up once more, Link trotted over to another wall, and threw Medli straight into it.

"LINK!" Navi hissed, "What are you doing? Are you _trying _to be a jerk?"

"Now I'm curious as to what the game designers programmed her to say," Link explained, "It'll really bug me if I don't—"

The following sounds that came out of Navi's mouth were too frustrated and scrambled for anyone to understand.

"My, what beautiful stars!" Medli looked at the stars above her head, "Twinkle-twinkle… "

"I'm almost certain you made her lose a few thousand brain cells with that toss…" Navi groaned.

"Where were we?" Medli paused, "Oh, yeah! Once…once more! With the wind! Toss away, please!"

Link smirked, "If you insist."

Link picked Medli up once more, and flung her at the wall again.

"Link, you heartless jerk!" Navi hissed, "Stop abusing a handicapped person!"

"But she—"

"Do you _want _to break her nose?" Navi growled.

"She doesn't have a nose," Link pointed out.

"Huh? Whuh?" Medli wandered around in the background, "Link? Since when did you become triplets?"

"Whatever!" Navi groaned, "You're going to crack her beak if you keep it up! What will the S.P.C.A. think?"

"No, I'm five…I mean, file… FINE!" Medli reassured.

"Whatever, it doesn't matter," Link said, "She said she's fine, do there's no need to get all antsy, and alert the S.P.A.C. or whatever it is you said."

"She certainly doesn't look _OR_ sound fine!" Navi pointed to the girl.

"C'mon! Don't hold back!" Medli held her head, "Use the wimp…er…WIND and really toss me!"

Link smirked again, "Alrighty then—"

Before Link could go over and pick the crouching bird girl up, Navi swooped her up, and flung her toward the ledge. Fortunately, the wind just happened to be blowing the right direction, and Medli soared onto her destination.

"Spoil sport," Link muttered.

"Link, we are here to get that pearl," Navi sighed, "We are not here to throw directionally challenged ducks against walls."

"Hey," Link huffed, "I'm an adult now. I can do whatever I want."

Navi bonked Link on the head. Medli, in the meantime, had finally managed to turn around to face Link.

"Oh, thank you!" Medli called out from above, "I think now I'll be able to climb Dragon Roost and meet with the great Valoo. …I think."

"Are you sure you're gonna be okay?" Navi asked, "It looks like a long climb to the top."

"Don't worry, I'll be fine!" Medli called back, "…I think. I may just be an apprentice attendant, but I can understand some of the great Valoo's language."

"But speaking his language doesn't guarantee your safety!" Navi yelled, "You're directionally challenged, for crying out loud!"

"I'm not exactly bursting with confidence, but..." Medli muttered.

"You're insane!" Navi bellowed.

"Okay, I have to take Navi's side on this," Link said.

"Look, if anything happens to me..." Medli called out, "Please look after Prince Komali!"

"Wait, I may be an adult," Link said, "but I'm not ready to adopt anyone! My sister is too much by herself! Plus, I'd hate to think what it'd be like if they ever got into a fight!"

"This is all I have to give to you," Medli searched through her pockets, "I know it's not much, but please take it!"

Medli took out fragments of something from out of her robe. She tried to toss it down to him, however, it landed three feet to the right. DUH DUH NUUUUUUHHHH! Link got some Bottle Fragments! A pile of sharp glass shards, which are completely useless now. Maybe you shouldn't have thrown her against the wall, huh, Link?

"Oh, and please don't tell anyone that I'm climbing Dragon Roost!" Medli winked, "It'll be our secret, okay?"

"She's crazy!" Link said.

"Well, good luck!" Medli said, "...To both of us."

With that, Medli took her leave. That is, after crashing into a post first.

"Why do I feel like we'll never see her again?" Link asked.

"Because we probably won't," Navi replied.

"Do you think the wind's changed yet?" Link looked up.

"Well, knowing my luck today," Navi sighed, "Then no."

"We could go and tell that Komali kid that we've found someone who's willing to at least _try _to get past all the obstacles," Link pointed out.

"But wouldn't we be going back on our word?" Navi asked, "Going against what Medli said and all?"

Link shrugged.

"It's quiet."

"What?"

"Too quiet," Navi said, "Where's Ivan?"

A long silence followed, accompanied by a wind gust.

"Oh crap! He's still clinging to Medli's shirt!" Navi shouted.

"Well, I guess we'll never see him again either," Link shrugged.

"Are you crazy? We have to go after him," Navi insisted.

"How? The bridge is broken and I can't fly like Medli can, in a straight _or_ crooked line," Link huffed.

Navi looked around. "Medli said that rock blocked the spring, right?"

"Right…?"

Navi flew over to the boulder.

"FOR AFATUFIVOMANY AND ALL WOLFOS KIND!" Navi screeched.

She brought her tiny fist down upon the boulder's hard surface. It shattered. Almost immediately afterward, water erupted forth from the hole, and began flooding the ground around them.

"Wow," Link gasped, knee-high in water, "That is some Deus Ex Machina."

Navi kissed her fist, "Still got it."

The water rose higher and higher, and in a matter of seconds the entire trench was filled to the brim. Link noticed that he could now go onto the ledge in which Medli had been on previously. Link swam over, and climbed up.

"Good thing Grandpa taught me how to scuba dive before the incident," Link nodded.

"Wait, incident?" Navi asked.

"Never mind, it's not that important," Link said.

"Okay, now let's go rescue Ivan."

"You mean Medli," Link reminded her.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever."

Link looked up. The cavern lead to a hole in the far wall. However, there was a large pool of lava in the way. Apart from the Rito statues on the walls, Link saw no means in which one could get across.

Link raised an eyebrow, "Where did Medli go?"

"And so quickly?" Navi added.

Link looked at the pool of lava. He cringed.

"As much as I would not like to think it…" Link gulped, "I think we found where Medli ended up."

Link was about to take off hat in condolence, but then remembered his bald spot. He looked at Navi.

"And I guess Ivan too," he said remorsefully.

"Oh, come now, Link!" Navi exclaimed, "I don't think she's _that_ incompetent. Besides, we would have heard her screaming in pain!"

"My, that's comforting," Link said.

"Well it is!" Navi said, "She and Ivan didn't die then! Plus, she's a Ruto, right?"

"Rito."

"Whatever, she's a bird person," Navi explained, "She probably flew over."

Link looked down at the pool of lava again. He couldn't shake the sinking feeling he had.

"Link, quit your dawdling, and think of a way to get across—"

Link picked up a bomb flower and chucked it at one of the Rito statues. It landed it a jar it held. A loud 'boom' was heard, and the statue fell face down into the lava—revealing a flat walking surface.

"Ahhh!" Navi screamed, "You're destroying priceless architecture!"

"That was for Medli!" Link exclaimed triumphantly, "And Ivan!"

"Link, they're not dead—"

Link picked up another bomb flower, hopped onto the new ground, and chucked it into the other statue. The other statue mimicked the first.

"And that was for the heck of it!" Link exclaimed.

"Ahhhhhh!" Navi yelled, "The historical significance! The history and culture! Religion and whatnot! Gone!"

Link hopped onto the next flat surface.

"Future historians and architects will be furious! FURIOUS, I tell you!" Navi yelled.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever," Link rolled his eyes.

Link walked into the cavern.

* * *

"Welcome lads and lasses to Pirate's Anonymous," a big pirate said.

In the bottom bunker of the pirate ship, several chairs had been evenly spaced, and set up in a large circle on the floor. Lanterns swung overhead, dimly lighting the room so nobody could see the face of the person beside them really well. Clearly this was going to be an anonymous meeting.

"Is everyone here?" a pirate in a red bandana asked.

"I reckon so, matey," a pirate with a large black beard said.

The one pirate lady spoke up, "Hey! Half my chair's legs have been put on one of these platforms! Can I change spots?"

"No," the lookout from chapter three said.

"Sheesh," the lady huffed, "What kind of applicable purpose does something like this even _have?_"

"Quiet down, everyone," a big pirate in a yellow bandana said, "Let us begin."

Many pirates lifted up their swords with a collective "Yarrr!" After the excitement settled, the pirate in the yellow bandana cleared his throat.

"We have some new members today," the pirate in the yellow bandana said, "So, let us all reintroduce ourselves."

The pirates all nodded, and gave their neighboring pirate a sound of agreement.

"Alrighty, then," the yellow bandanaed pirate said, "I'll start us off. My name is Nudge. It's a pleasure to work with ya all. And I…am a pirate."

All the pirates said "Ahoy there, Nudge," in unison.

"Now, on my right here, is a fellow shipmate of mine, Gonzo," Nudge said, "He is also…a pirate. Like me."

"Yo!" Gonzo lifted up an arm.

All the pirates greeted Gonzo in a similar manner.

"Now, here on my left is Senza," Nudge continued, "Care to introduce yourself, Senza?"

"Uhh… You already did…" Senza said.

"Oh," Nudge paused, "Pardon me."

"Arrr!" the black bearded pirate exclaimed, "Cut to the chase! Introduce the new scallywags already!"

"Alright, alright," Nudge said, "Now, sitting across from me, is Jolene."

Jolene did a simple wave, but made no eye contact with any of the other members.

"And over there on the right is another new member," Nudge explained, "What was your name again?"

"Black beard," the bearded man huffed, "And _apparently_, I'm a pirate."

"Ahh, yes," Nudge nodded, "However, as one of the rules in our meetings, we must not mention our last names. So, we'll just call you Black, okay?"

"But Black Beard's me title—"

"Ahoy, Black!" Gonzo waved, "…Man, I sound racist."

Black Beard raised an eyebrow, which nobody could see in the poor lighting.

Jolene leaned back in her chair, "This meeting had better be good. I had board the ghost ship down to end up here."

"Alrighty then! Let us begin," Nudge pulled out a clipboard, "Tonight's schedule consists of…"

* * *

"Hiya!" Link cried.

Link threw a large jar full of water onto a pit of lava. Cooled rocks formed on the surface and he jumped onto the rocks, crossing to the other side.

He continued on his way, until he came across a ladder. He grumbled. He just turned twelve, for crying out loud. Didn't people always tell him that adults get around easier? Link was halfway up the ladder when he saw it. Something bright red. Link squinted to try and get a better look at it. Well, he got that wish, when the thing landed right on his face.

As soon as he hit the ground, he smacked the thing off of his face. It felt kinda sticky. Link looked before him. A monster of monsters. A…_Chu chu…_

"Whoa!" Navi exclaimed, "Gross! I can't believe that landed on your face! What is that thing?"

Link was mildly frightened at first, however, he soon realized that this was the perfect opportunity to show off his skills in front of Navi. To prove that he was a swordsman. A true warrior. A true man. After all, this was a slime monster. It would be very difficult to defeat with a blade.

Link leapt forth, letting out a battle cry as he went. He slashed with all his might at the monstrosity.

It died.

"Well, that was anti-climactic," Navi said.

Link's face fell. One hit. That was all it took. Man…if he had known that when he was seven, he wouldn't have had all those nightmares about Chu chus coming to get him.

"Hey look," Link noticed something, "Chu Jelly."

DUH DUH NUUUUUUHHHH! Link got some Chu Jelly! If you take this to the right person, then maybe something special will come from them. …Come to think of it, Chu Jelly is Chu Chu's remains… Eww, monster guts.

Navi tentatively poked the Chu Jelly. It jiggled when she did so. Link shoved the Chu Jelly into his Spoil's Bag. Link looked up. He frowned. Dang. He was going to have to climb that ladder again. Link sighed, and grabbed hold of the dratted thing once more.

* * *

"And sure, it was fun, at first," Senza explained, "but the our capt'n was getting a little out of hand. She didn't need _ALL _of that plunder."

Several of the pirates nodded sympathetically.

"She was just like a dragon, I tell ye!" Senza continued, "Sittin' on her pile of jewelry, and guarding it day and night! In a way, I felt relieved when she kicked the bucket."

"Senza, how could you say such a thing?" Gonzo gasped.

"Oy!" Senza said, "Just 'cause you loved 'er doesn't mean she didn't have her troubles."

Shock came over Gonzo's face. He turned to Nudge, only to see him nod with agreement. Gonzo crossed his arms and huffed. He never really liked Nudge anyway. Gonzo sniffed.

"Well, the little miss, ahhh, she's been having the same problem," Senza continued, "At first, she seemed alright. Like she didn't have 'er mother's curse. But then she began to act sorta strange…"

A gasp came out from the circle.

"Well, I figures, I just can't take it anymore," Senza explained, "I decided I needed to quit being a part of it. To quit pirating. Then I heard about this here group. So here I am."

"Very touching, Senza. Glad to have you here," Nudge turned to Black Beard, "What about you, Black?"

Black Beard shrugged, "My wife made me come."

"Meh," Jolene shrugged, "So yer captain, she be good at plundering. I don't see why one would decide to come 'ere just for that."

The pirates of Tetra's crew gave Jolene a horrified look. Unfortunately, nobody could see their faces.

"Oy!" came from behind.

Several of the pirates turned to see the silhouette of Niko on the high platform.

"The captain's coming," Niko said, "If you don't want yer meeting to be discovered, I suggest you pull out the cards."

Niko turned around, and headed the way he came. There were several scuffling noises that came from below. Tetra walked in. She looked down, and saw the pirates with some cards in hand.

"Oy, Miss!" Senza called out, "Wanna join us in a game of cards?"

Tetra raised an eyebrow, "So _this _is what you guys were up to? Sheesh. And here I thought you were doing something secretive that you wouldn't want me to find out about."

A nervous chuckling came from the pirates below.

"Ehh," Tetra turned around, "I'm going back to polishing my jewels. If any of you disturb me…well…you'll end up without a tongue, just like Zuko, there."

"But I still have my tongue, Miss," the lookout said in a voice barely audible.

Tetra walked out. Senza, Gonzo, the pirate with glasses (Mako), and Nudge all looked at Zuko with wide eyes.

"YOU DO?" they let out.

* * *

Link used a bomb flower to destroy a boulder on top of a strange jar. The jar oozed blue smoke once it was uncovered.

Link examined the cauldron. It looked suspiciously similar to the one he found at the beginning of the dungeon. The one mentioned off screen. Only that one bubbled out green smoke. Not blue.

Maybe it was used for warping?

Navi flew inside the cauldron, and reemerged shortly.

"It's an earlier part of the dungeon," Navi said, "I thought I might as well let you know before you try and satisfy your curiosity."

Yeah. Defiantly for warping, Link thought. But why would anyone set up something like this? It's not like he, or anyone else for that matter, was going to have a violent urge to head to the outside world for any reason. He couldn't even leave this island. What was this cauldron's purpose?

Potty breaks. It was the only logical explanation. If you needed to go and do your business, you could thus head outside, and find the nearest washroom. But this raised another question in the blonde boy's head. Why not just go in the lava? Sure it would stink, but, hey, saves someone else the trouble of cleaning it out an outhouse.

Now Link was really confused. He turned to Navi.

"What are these cauldrons for?" Link pointed to the caldron.

"I have no clue," Navi said, "Honestly, I have never seen one of those before in my life."

If Navi didn't know, then no one would. Link looked around idly. Another thought struck him.

"Who built this place?" Link asked, "Seriously, it's impossible to get around in. Sure, the Rito have wings, but even so, flames spit out of the lava, and there are boulders everywhere! And they expect Valoo's attendant to _climb_ up to the top?"

"Actually, this place really resembles Death Mountain," Navi noted, "So, this place was probably built by Gorons. They're fireproof, you see."

Link raised an eyebrow, "Didn't they keep in mind about the safety of the 'Great Valoo's attendant?"

"There weren't any Rito in the land I lived in," Navi said, "Just Gorons, Zoras and Kokiri. Like my Link was."

Link looked at Navi like she was crazy. He had never heard of any of those things in his life.

"Oh, and Gerudo too," Navi added, "They had repopulation problems since only one male was born every 100 years."

Link blinked, "Uhh… Okay?"

"Anyway, the Goron people were known for their dependence on the mountainsides of Hyrule. As a result they were highly skilled craftsmen, and very good with forging and all that kind of stuff," Navi explained, "They even specialized in rock cuisine."

Maybe Navi was insane after all.

"But, this place is defiantly the work of Gorons," Navi nodded, "What I don't understand is what happened to them. Did the Rito kick them out or something?"

"As long as I've known about this island," Link said, "there have always been Rito living here. That's what Grandma told me. They also told me that the Rito were peaceful people. But that's what she says about everything."

"If you say so."

* * *

"Get in there!"

Medli was tossed into a small cell, and Ivan spiraled in after her. Once she hit the floor, Ivan ricocheted off of her head. After getting her wits about her, she wanted to sit and face the enemy. However she had a hard time getting into a sitting position, and it took her several tries. Eventually she got it. And as soon as she did so, she glared at her jailer, only to find the Iron Knuckle in a laughing fit.

Ivan got up off the floor, "Did you tell a joke, Rhapsody?"

"It's not my fault I'm directionally challenged," Medli sniffled.

The Iron Knuckle's roars of laughter slowly turned into chuckles, and eventually stopped altogether. The Iron Knuckle stood up straight.

"What are you monsters doing to the Great Valoo?" Medli glared at the Iron Knuckle.

The Iron Knuckle said nothing.

"Uhh, please answer me," Medli looked to the side, "Considering that I came alone, not including the fairy, and I probably won't escape, I don't see what harm it would do to let me know…"

More silence.

"Well?" Medli asked, "What are you doing to the Great Valoo?"

"What we were ordered to do," came stiffly from the suit of armour.

"Which is?" Medli asked.

"A strictly need-to-know basis," the guard responded.

"Please sir…" Medli whimpered, "Could you be so kind?"

Medli attempted to make a cute face at the Iron Knuckle, in hopes that he would be somehow attracted to her, or better yet, take pity on her. But luck wasn't on Medli's side today, and she somehow ended up cross-eyed. Ivan made matters worse by bouncing on her head, mistaking her clumsiness for a comedic display.

Roars of laughter bellowed from under the Knuckle's helmet. It was a good thing she had plumage, or she would be redder than a ripe tomato.

"This is almost as amusing as observing that dragon's tail get tortured," the Iron Knuckle managed to say within giggles.

"The Great Valoo's Tail is WHAT?"

There was a long silence.

"…So that's what his lordship meant when he said I was 'dysfunctional'…" the Iron Knuckle paused.

"Wow!" Ivan exclaimed, "Rhapsody, he's just like us! Discombobulated!"

"No, Ivan… He is nothing like you or me!" Medli snarled, "He is the enemy! He is a monster! He is—"

"Lousy at poker?" Ivan cocked his head.

"Erm…no…" Medli paused, "I meant that…"

"I am rather terrible, actually," the Iron Knuckle added, "The other Knuckles say I don't have the 'poker face', as they call it. But don't you judge me."

"See!" Ivan grinned, "Just like us! Disfigured!"

"Whatever," Medli sighed, "What is it you're doing to the Great Valoo's tail?"

The suit of armour stood in silence.

Ivan gasped, "Did he die?"

"Answer me!" Medli yelled.

"Request denied," the Iron Knuckle said, "Now, if you'll excuse me, I must get back to the Fortress."

The Iron Knuckle turned his back on the two prisoners.

"You'll never get away with this!" Medli shook her fist at a wall, "Link will come and save me! I know he will!"

The Iron Knuckle barely looked over its shoulder at her.

"Even though I technically told him not to send anybody to come after me, and I kinda meant him too…" Medli looked to the side, "I still believe that he will use his wit and cunning to overcome the many obstacles that have been put in place to keep him from coming here!"

"Pardon me, Madame, but now it is time for me to depart on my private helicopter," the Iron Knuckle said.

"_Whaaa?_" Medli blinked, "Have those been invented?"

"Hey, my being here already lacks any sound logic, since I am mainly here for plot purposes, and since the authoress couldn't imagine you carry out your conversation with a Moblin or Bokoblin, I ended up being an Iron Knuckle. Even though there aren't any Iron Knuckles in the first dungeon," the Iron Knuckle responded, "So perhaps it is best if we make the situation even _more_ ridiculous than it already is, and hope that none of the readers notice."

"Oh, that makes sense," Medli nodded.

"Farewell, young duckling!" the Iron Knuckle called out.

"Bye, mister evil guy like us~!" Ivan waved.

"Hmph!" Medli attempted to cross her arms, but failed to do so.

With that, the Iron Knuckle took his leave, by marching out of Medli's sight. A loud whirring started up, and the two jail mates watched a black helicopter fly off into the distance. There was an awkward pause.

"Rhapsody?" Ivan asked.

"Yes?" Medli turned to a pebble.

"Why does your face have the sun?"

Medli blinked. She suddenly realized the colour of her beak was a bright orange. She tried to face palm, but ended up slapping her knee.


	9. Chapter 6: Wrong Way, Medli Part 3

"Okay, Link, I know this is a bit of a long shot, but I think you have to break the bridge," Navi said.

"You want me to what?"

Link peered over the edge of the unsteady bridge he stood upon. He saw nothing but lava. Link glanced over the other edge. The boiling rock bubbled. Link raised both eyebrows.

"Okay, I know you don't like me as much as the other Link, but isn't this a bit extreme?" Link asked.

"No! I'm serious!" Navi protested, "There's a narrow pathway right beneath this bridge! I can see it when I fly below!"

Link peered over hesitantly. A lava bubble popped. Link frowned. He remembered the time he engaged that ferocious, wicked, rabid monstrosity that guarded the end of the bridge. However, a man as courageous and skilled as Link could take down Ganondorf's minion in an instant. Okay, maybe the beast was dangling off the bridge when Link walked in the room, and it fell off when Link came into its presence, but he still felled it. And hey, new record.

"Heh heh," Link chuckled, "Hey, Navi. Remember when I defeated that enemy in one hit?"

"Link, that was a few minutes ago," Navi pointed out, "And it was a Bokoblin. You stepped on its hand. And it died when it fell in the lava. You technically can't take credit for that."

Link sighed. Why couldn't Navi just accept she was wrong?

"Are you going to cut those flimsy ropes, or do I have to do it myself?" Navi asked.

"Fine," Link groaned.

Link proceeded to cut all the ropes until nothing but the flimsily connected boards held him up. It gave way underneath him. Link screamed. He landed on his butt onto the pathway. Okay, Navi could be right sometimes.

"Wow, that was a girly scream," Navi blinked.

Link blushed and brushed himself off.

* * *

Black Beard slapped down a card. He picked up a piece of snuff and plopped it in his mouth.

"Go walk the plank, matey," Black Beard growled.

"Black? It's 'go fish'," Gonzo corrected.

"Whatever floats yer boat," Black Beard shrugged.

Nudge looked up from his hands, "I thought we were supposed to continue on with the meeting as soon as the young Miss left…"

"But I have a good hand," Mako protested.

Nudge let out a heavy sigh, "Well, I don't."

In the following silence that ensued, Jolene plopped something in her mouth too.

"So…" Black Beard chewed on his tobacco, "What be up with that swabbie of yers?"

"Niko?" Senza asked.

"Arr," Black Beard nodded.

"Niko has yet to come to terms with his problem with piracy," Mako explained, "He keeps stealin' stuff he's not meant to steal."

Jolene blew a bubble with her bubblegum, "Like?"

"He stole my bandana from me eight years ago," Senza pointed to his bandana-less head, "Haven't seen it since."

"The only thing he doesn't plunder is the little Miss's jewelry," Mako said, "He still has scars from her teeth marks."

Black Beard chuckled when he heard this. The pirate beside him elbowed him in the side.

"In the meantime," Nudge said, "we've managed to recruit him for our lookout while we is havin' these here meetings."

"Is that wise?" Jolene asked.

"Why do ya ask that?" Gonzo asked.

Meanwhile…above deck…

"Oh ho ho…" Niko rummaged through Black Beard's things.

* * *

Link walked through the door. He turned to his left—nothing but some weird pegs coming out of the wall. Besides that, was the cliff of the mountain. Volcano. Whatever. Link turned to the right. A flight of stairs. Obviously, where the game designers intended him to go next. Excellent.

Link began a brisk trot up the flight of stairs, and hummed along as he did so. Stairs were nothing like ladders. There was something about ladders he didn't like. Stairs on the other hand, were much more manageable. After all, stairs had a steadily rising slope, unlike ladders that just went straight up.

Link smiled. There had hardly been any ladders in this dungeon. Well, in comparison to the Seagull King's Fortress, there were practically none. And this pleased Link, more than anyone would ever know.

It was then Link realized, that the stairs behind him were falling down to the seas below him.

"Wait, what the—" Link gaped, "Ahhh! Why are the stairs falling down?"

"Didn't notice until now?" Navi asked, "You've been about to fall to your doom for the past 20 stairs."

Link began a faster pace, "I don't do well under pressure!"

Link ran up the rest of the stairs screaming. As soon as Link noticed that the stairs were no longer falling away behind him, he plastered himself up against the wall. He panted heavily.

"Who…the heck…built…stairs…to fall down…like that…?" Link was wide-eyed.

Navi burst out laughing, "That has got to have been one of the funniest things I've seen in a while!"

Link glared at the fairy.

"Oh come on now," Navi sniggered, "You were screaming like a girl! You have got to admit that that was hilarious—"

"Hey, not everyone can fly like you can, okay?" Link wheezed.

Navi's response was nothing but a fit of giggles. Link slowly sidled across the wall, and peeked his head around the corner, into the next room. Two Bokoblins and a caged Medli stared blankly back at him. The green glow of Ivan sneezed. Link blushed.

"Crap. I think they heard that," Link whispered to Navi.

"I told you they weren't dead," Navi told Link.

Link sighed, and walked around the corner. A wooden gate sealed the path behind him. The Bokoblins held up their swords and shields, ready for battle.

"Look, let's just get his over with, okay?" Link pulled out his sword, "I need a fast way to rebuild my reputation."

"What reputation?" Navi asked.

Link glared at Navi, "Har har har."

Link swung his blade half-heartedly, smacking a few blows to each Bokoblin. Link hoped that he looked cool from Medli's angle. He glanced over his shoulder to her cage. She faced the wall. Link sighed.

A few slashes later, the Bokoblins fell. Link sheathed his sword. Suddenly, from above, a fairly large bird (nowhere as large as the Seagull King, mind you,) flew overhead, and plopped a Moblin down in front of Link. It snarled at him. Link's eyes widened.

"Oh dear," Navi said, "Looks like the Game Designers want you back in jail again."

"But I have my sword this time," Link grinned.

"You had a Telescope back at the Fortress, but you still didn't beat the guards up," Navi pointed out.

Link sighed, "Shut up."

Link smirked. A Moblin. Or, at least, that's what he believed they were called. And, with any luck, one of the guards at Forsaken Fortress that threw him in jail. He smirked. Satisfying revenge. Let alone a worthy opponent—and this time, it was a fair game of one on one. And once he found out the militarized strategy of this particular opponent, then maybe Link would have a better chance at taking on more of them at once. And it would prove that Link was a man—

"Will you stop the staring contest and _actually_ do something?" Navi buzzed.

"Alright, alright already!" Link yelled.

Link groaned, and began chopping away at the beast. Link hated it when Navi interrupted his train of thought. A few minutes later, the boar went up in a puff of smoke, leaving a glowing orb behind.

"Sheesh!" Navi huffed, "Took you long enough."

Link almost said 'I'd like to see _you_ do better,' when he realized that Navi probably could do better. Well. Better by her standards.

"I'm really beginning to miss my Link," Navi grumbled, "Sure, he was an idiot, but at least he finished his battles quickly!"

Link rolled his eyes, "Well, excuuuuuse me, fai—"

Link saw Navi's blue light turn a dark, and ominous colour that Link had never seen before. His eyes widened.

"I'll shut up now," Link nodded.

Navi's colour returned to normal. Man, did she really hate running gags that much?

"Link!" came from behind.

Link turned around to see that the door to Medli's cage had been opened. Ivan flew around in the background, flew to the glowing orb, and landed on it. Medli, on the other hand, was running toward Link. Link raised an eyebrow. That must have taken a lot of coordination on her part. She managed to grind to a halt in front of Link.

Link nodded, "Impressive."

"You came to rescue me!" Medli exclaimed, "Oh, thank you!"

"I was half expecting you to fall over or something," Navi said.

"Weee~!" Ivan bounced on the orb, "It's squishy!"

Link turned to Ivan, "And it seems that you're doing alright."

"Can I pop it?" Ivan asked.

Navi rolled her eyes, "Knock yourself out."

Medli sighed, "Link, there's not enough time! I have to tell you what I found out!"

"Wait, remember the last time you said you needed to tell us something urgently?" Navi pointed out, "You ended up going on a long tangent about hot springs and Komali's Grandma."

The glowing orb burst open. Rupees scattered everywhere. DUH DUH NUUUUUUHHHH! Ivan got a Skull Necklace! A scrappy necklace that has a tiny skull for a centerpiece. …It's rather freaky. Seriously, doesn't anyone wonder which animal that skull came from?

"I promise to be brief!" Medli said.

Navi eyed Medli suspiciously.

"This is terrible!" Medli gasped, "...Some creature is doing awful things to the great Valoo's tail!"

Medli held her hand out to point to the dragon behind her. However, she pointed towards Ivan with the necklace on his head.

Link raised an eyebrow, "Umm… Medli, that's Ivan."

"Oh, right, sorry," Medli groaned.

Medli moved her hand once more. She pointed to the staircase.

"That's why he's so angry!" Medli continued, "The great Valoo's tail hangs down into the room right below here."

"And Medli, that's a staircase, not the Great Valoo," Link sighed.

Medli turned flung her arms out in front of her, "Gah! So the Great Valoo—"

"Medli, I am not the Great Valoo."

"GAH!"

Link pointed to the dragon, "So the Great Valoo's tail is hanging down into another room."

"Yes," Medli patted down her ruffled feathers, "There's got to be something in there... I wonder if those mean monsters who captured me have something to do with it..."

"What was your first clue?" Navi asked

"We've got to do something!" Medli exclaimed, "Now! Before it's too late!"

"Why don't you just pick me up and fly me up to where Valoo is so I can find a hole to drop down into?" Link asked.

Ivan gasped in amazement, "Rhapsody can fly?"

"Just like you, Ivan," Navi said.

Ivan gasped again, "I can fly?"

"I'll go and tell everyone what's happening!" Medli said.

"But—"

"Here, Link!" Medli rummaged through her pockets, "Use this to get out of here! It's what I used to get this far."

Medli pulled out a rope with a claw like thing on the end.

"What on the Great Sea is that?" Link paused.

"It's a device we Rito used before we evolved wings," Medli said.

DUH DUH NUUUUUUHHHH! Link got the Grappling Hook! What Ritos used before evolving wings! Hey, it may be ugly, but it is one of the best items in the entire game.

"Before Rito evolved wings?" Link paused, "No offense, but how would you know that? You weren't exactly _around_ during those times."

"Oh, no, silly," Medli giggled, "It says so in the records."

"Wow…" Ivan was in awe, "Do you have a record player?"

"The Rito kept records of how they evolved?" Link blinked.

"Well…uh…umm…" Medli paused.

"Link, that's not what she meant," Navi said.

"But wouldn't that mean the Rito kept records of themselves up to fifteen billion years or more?" Link asked, "That's how long it took Hylians to evolve from Chu chus, right? That's what the historians say!"

Medli stared blankly at the boy. Navi shook her head.

"What would the Rito do with all those historical documents?" Link said, "And wouldn't that mean that Rito children would have thousands upon thousands of years to cover in history class? That would take YEARS!"

"Link, the Goddesses created Hyru—erm, the Great Sea and everything in/on it," Navi said, "That's how we got the Triforce and the Sacred Realm. Heck, I've seen it myself, and—"

"YOU'VE BLOWN MY WHOLE PERCEPTION OF REALITY!" Link yelled to the sky.

"Uhhh…" Medli paused, "I'm, uhhh, going to go and warn everybody now…"

Medli slinked away, and left inconspicuously. Well, as inconspicuously one can leave when you have to fly away. Dust flew everywhere, and Link had to hold onto his hat to keep it on. Yup. Inconspicuously.

"Link, while Medli's off doing that, we should hurry and find out what's going with the dragon," Navi said.

Medli crashed into a wall. Link heard the loud thud.

"Okay," Link said, "Just let me figure out how this works."

Before Navi could say more, Link tossed the Grappling Hook onto a post sticking out horizontally from the wall. It wrapped around twice. Link tugged on the rope.

"Hmm…" Link paused, "Looks like I can swing on this."

"That would explain the purpose of Niko's 'swing on the lanterns' exercise," Navi said, "This is obviously going to be a recurring theme in the game."

Link swung across the large gap between the two platforms. He uncoiled the rope around the post, and held onto the Grappling Hook. Link paused. Maybe if he used this thing long enough, then he'd evolve wings.

"Link!" Navi snapped, "Stop spacing out."

Ivan gasped in awe, "Link's an astronaut?"

Link stared at the rope. Using the Grappling Hook would have taken a lot of coordination on Medli's part. But then again, so would flying.

"LINK!" Navi yelled.

"What is it now?" Link grumbled.

"We don't have all day!" Navi said, "Hurry it up, will you?"

Link rolled his eyes.

"Sheesh!" Navi huffed, "It's bad enough already that you have procrastination issues!"

"He-he-hey!" Link exclaimed, "I do not!"

"Whatever, just keep moving!" Navi grumbled.

* * *

Several hours of dungeon crawling later…

"Look's like we're at the boss's room now."

"Augh. Finally!" Link moaned.

"Oh come on, that wasn't that bad," Navi said.

"Are you kidding me? There was lava, and bats, and snake monsters, and flaming bats, and Bokoblins, and baseball bats, and—"

Navi stared at the boy, "It's obvious that you're not used to dungeon crawling."

"Of course not!" Link said, "I live on a tiny island with my Grandmother. This is more of Aryll's area of expertise."

"Are we there yet?" Ivan asked.

There was a small pause.

Navi smacked Ivan upside the head, "Ivan…you fail!"

"Well, then," Link stood upright, "Shall we do this?"

"Do what?" Ivan cocked his head.

"Yeah, go ahead," Navi said.

Link pulled out the boss's key he got off screen, and put it in the lock.

"Hey!" Ivan's body jolted, "When opening a lock this big, be careful not you get your arm stuck inside while you're turning the key!"

Link and Navi stared at Ivan with their mouths hanging open.

"What kind of idiot needs that to be explained to them?" Navi asked.

"What kind of people do the game designers make us out to be anyway?" Link asked.

"Remember, kids! Safety first!" Ivan's body pulsed.

The door opened, and Link walked inside. The large door slammed behind him. Link jumped a foot in the air.

"Ack!" Link cried, "That startled me!"

Navi sighed, "You are _so_ not used to this. Why do I even waste my time with you?"

The lava pit in the center of the room bubbled.

"Well, I'm _sorry_ that I lived on Outset my entire life!" Link said.

A skeletal figure bubbled out of the lava.

"Yes, but I was expecting you to at least have _some _experience!" Navi retorted, "Can you even climb a tree?"

The skeletal figure rose high above their heads. Lava dripped off of its armour.

"Wow…" Ivan cooed, "_Shiiiny_…"

"Well, no," Link admitted, "I've never tried. BUT! I can do other useful things, like cooking, and cleaning, and how to take advantage of swordplay, and—"

The monster hissed.

"So you're is a mommy's boy, is that it?" Navi asked.

"No! I never had parents! I don't know where I even came from!"

"Okay, so a granny's boy then!" Navi rolled her eyes.

"And what's wrong with that?"

"Navi, look at the shiny, shiny thing!" Ivan pointed enthusiastically.

"Not now, Ivan!" Navi said.

The skeletal monster raised its claw above its head.

"Gah! And here I had such high hopes for you!" Navi ranted, "You, coming into the woods by yourself, but no. You turned out to be—"

"Turned out to be a _what?_" Link sneered, "A _claw_ in your plans?"

The Claw struck the ground in between them.

"HOLY CRAP—" Navi yelled, "Bad pun is BAAAADD!"

Link's eyes widened, "AUGH! What was that—oh right. Boss's room. Boss battle. Doh."

"Isn't he _shiiiny?_" Ivan smiled.

"Quick, Link!" Navi exclaimed, "Use something that you learned on your journey that can maybe kill this thing!"

The boss blew fire at Link. Link ran as fast as his little stubs of legs could carry him.

"What, you're on my side now?" Link asked.

"Think, you moron! Think!" Navi demanded.

Link raised an eyebrow, "My Grappling Hook?"

"I don't know, _maybe!_" Navi said.

Link looked at the monster. The beast was armoured head to claw. Link's confidence fell out of his body, and rolled into the lava pit.

"Do you have a Plan B?" Link asked.

"Run the dickens out of here?" Navi asked.

"What about chickens?" Ivan asked.

Link paused. Running away _was_ his best option for survival. But he was twelve! He was a man! And men didn't run away! At least, he didn't _think _they did. Either way, he was not going to let Medli down. Sure, she was a bit of a ditz, and she had no sense of direction, but a REAL man wouldn't—

Link saw the Great Valoo's tail dangling overhead. He looked at his Grappling Hook. Link grinned giddily. SWING!

"Link, what are you doing?" Navi asked.

"Navi, I just thought of something," Link smiled, "With this new rope and claw thing, I can swing—whenever I want!"

"Hey, wait a minute—!"

Link tossed the claw at Valoo's tail, and in some act of encouragement, the rope grew to the appropriate length. The claw spun around the tail until it was safe to dangle on.

Valoo paused, then let out in an ancient tongue: "Wait, what?"

Link got pulled high above the monster's head, and began swinging to his heart's content. Navi desperately flew after him. Ivan flew after him for reasons only known to the fairy.

"Ha ha ha!" Link chuckled, "I feel like a kid again!"

"But you are a kid!" Navi let out.

"That looks like fun!" Ivan's wings perked up.

Link ignored this, and kept swinging. The monster turned its head, and began charging up some fire in its jaws.

"Link, now is NOT the time!" Navi buzzed.

"Weee~!"

"No! Ivan! Don't encourage him!" Navi snapped.

"Come on, Navi," Link laughed, "Join the fun! I bet you didn't have swings when you were a fairyling!"

"That's because they have yet to be invented!" Navi said, "Plus, I can fly! Get down already and help me think of a way to beat this thing!"

"Okay, fine!" Link groaned.

Link flung himself off of the rope, and landed on the ground. Without breaking his back. Miraculously. Ivan kept a swinging motion, despite Link's absence.

"C'mon! Ivan, you idiot, you too!" Navi flew up.

Ivan began to spiral down. However, he landed on the wooden boards that had been put into the wall above them.

Navi did a face palm. Suddenly, the rock surrounding the Great Valoo's tail fell down onto the creature's head. The creature's eye spun around, and its armour shattered into a million pieces.

Link paused, "Why do I get the feeling that should have taken at least two more times?"

The beast spun around, revealing its dark, molten lava covered body. The monster's limbs made a distinct clattering sound as it moved.

"AHHHH!" Navi screamed.

Link raised an eyebrow. Nobody noticed Ivan's glowing body roll off the planks, and plop into a jar.

"LINK! KILL IT! KILL IT! KILL IT DEAD!" Navi screamed.

"Uhh, how?" Link asked.

"Wow!" Ivan's voice echoed out of the jar, "It's dark in here!"

"Hookshot it! Hookshot it! Hookshot it!" Navi squirmed.

"You mean 'Grappling Hook' it?" Link asked.

"Whatever! Kill it! Kill it! Kill it!" Navi cringed.

Link used the Grappling Hook on the monster's eye, and it came falling forward. Its eye began to spin rapidly around in circles.

"AUGH! The eye!" Navi quivered, "Slash it! Slash it! Slash it!"

Link raised an eyebrow, "What have you got against this thing?"

"Slash it! Slash it, for the love of Farore!"

Link sighed, and began slashing the heck out of the beast's eye. As ridiculously quickly the first stage of this boss had been, the monster fell. Leaving nothing but its eyeball behind. Ewww… Then it turned into a Heart Container. EWWW. Instantly, the molten lava cooled, and a whirlwind appeared in the center.

Navi panted heavily, "Whew…it's…dead…"

"Someone left their hearts in here," Ivan's voice came.

"Do you have a thing against exoskeletal monsters?" Link asked.

"HEY!" Ivan's body twitched inside the jar.

Ivan whizzed out of the jar, and up into Link's face.

"Oh, now what?" Navi groaned.

"LISTEN! To defeat this monster, why not try out your new item?" Ivan's body jolted, "If it doesn't work on the boss, then try it out of something else!"

Silence.

"That would have been a LOT more useful _while _the battle was going on," Navi said, "Right, Link?"

Link chuckled to himself. He defeated it. He killed it. He had beaten a boss over 30 times taller than he was. _Ohhh, yeeaaaahh_… He was definitely a man now—

"Here!" Navi said.

The Heart Container smacked Link in the face. It knocked him over before going into his health meter. DUH DUH NUUUUUUHHHH! Link got an extra Heart Container! Now we can beat him up longer—uh, I mean…he can live longer!

"Hey!" Link said.

"What?" Navi said, "At least I'm being useful. Do you know how many gamers forget to grab the Heart Container before leaving?"

"Oh, shut up."

"Thirty-eight percent!" Ivan's body jolted.

There was a silence. Link walked into the swirly in the middle of the lava pool. Link was warped outside.

* * *

Almost immediately afterward, a cutscene played showing that the Great Valoo was now happy-go-lucky again. He let out a large roar, and the evil cloud surrounding him vanished.

Meanwhile, Medli was explaining what happened to her and Link in the dungeon to Quill and the Rito Chief. Quill raised an eyebrow as she spoke, while the Chief just gave her an unimpressed look.

"…And there were pigs, and jelly monsters," Medli explained, "and I had a fairy on my shirt, and—_ohhh,_ Chief, you've got to believe me!"

They heard the Great Valoo's roar, and saw that peace had restored.

Medli's face lit up, "Link did it!"

Medli turned to Quill.

"Chief, does this mean I get a raise?" Medli asked.

"No."

"_Ohhh_…" Medli's smile turned upside down.

* * *

Link was then unceremoniously dumped on the beach. The little patch of sand that it was.

"Well, that's that," Navi said, "Now we can take that pearl from that kid."

"Goats have pearls?" Ivan asked.

"Huh…" Link paused, "I get the feeling someone was supposed to meet us here. I wonder what happened."

Link heard some voices not too far away from where he was standing.

"Quick, Prince Komali!" came Medli's voice, "We have to go this way to meet with Link!"

Prince Komali's voice followed, "But Medli, that's—"

There was a loud splash.

"_Right_…" Link sighed, "Medli's—"

"An idiot?" Navi asked.

"That's not what I was going to say…" Link said.

Medli and Komali came swimming up to the beach. Of course, Komali was guiding Medli there.

"Link!" Medli smiled.

Navi raised an eyebrow, "You can swim?"

"I can fly, can't I?" Komali asked.

"This is what we Rito's did before we evolved wings!" Medli exclaimed.

Link and Navi gave Medli a strange look. The two bird people climbed on shore. Medli wrung out her hair.

"Well, Prince Komali?" Medli smiled, "Don't you have something you want to say?"

"Um, I heard everything from Medli..." Prince Komali said, "It didn't make much sense…but…"

"When did she have time to explain it to you?" Link asked, "She obviously took her time going down the mountain, and in the last cutscene, she was shown explaining it to the Chief. That would mean that she had ten seconds to find you, explain 41 pages worth of text for this chapter, and come in time to meet me at the beach! Clearly—"

"Link, stop pointing out the game's plot holes!" Navi buzzed.

Ivan gasped, "Maybe now we can build water castles!"

Silence.

"Okay, you know what?" Komali groaned, "I'm just going to give you my pearl, and skip the 'I want to be like you someday' crap. Because really, I don't."

Komali dumped Din's Pearl in Link's hands. DUH DUH NUUUUUUHHHH! Link finally got Din's Pearl! Sheesh. That was a pain.

Link paused, "Sweet."

"Plus, Medli bribed me to give it to you…but that's beside the point," Komali muttered.

"What was that?" Navi asked.

Komali tried to whistle innocently, "Oh, nothing."

Komali ran off. Medli called out to a rock, telling him to stop. The Great Valoo roared from atop the mountain.

"The mountain's speaking to us!" Ivan lifted his arms in the air.

"The Great Valoo is grateful to you, Link," Medli said.

"Wow," Link gaped, "That's quite the lung power there!"

"The Great Valoo is a dragon," Navi said, "Of course he has big lungs!"

"But he just told us something from the **top of a mountain**!" Link pointed out, "A roar _that_ loud would make anyone who got near him, deaf!"

Valoo roared once more.

"No wonder nobody wants to approach the guy…" Link paused.

"It speaks again!" Ivan spun around in circles.

"Use the wind god's...wind?" Medli paused.

"What the heck was that supposed to mean?" Navi yelled at Valoo.

"The wind's god wind..." Medli paused, "I wonder if what he's talking about has anything to do with the Wind Shrine that's through that tunnel..."

Link spun around, and headed for the tunnel.

"Are you going to speak to the mountain?" Ivan asked.

"Sure, why not?" Link sighed as he trotted.

"Oh, I almost forgot!" Medli called out after a tree, "The great Valoo also names you, Link, a true hero. I agree with him."

"Why even bother mentioning that?" Navi asked, "He's a wuss."

"As far as we Rito are concerned, Link really IS a hero!" Medli smiled.

"Sure, just keep telling yourself that," Navi said.

A Wind God flew by.

"Anyways…" Medli chuckled, "I've best be off. Prince Komali was talking about getting his wings, and he'd like me there. Besides, he needs me."

"I think you need him more than he needs you, but whatever," Navi said, "Go on and enjoy yourself."

Medli ran off, running in time with the music. A splash followed. DUH DUH NUUUUUUHHHH! Link got the Wind's Requiem!

"Is Medli going surfing?" Ivan asked.

Navi sighed, "What is that boy up to?"

Navi grabbed Ivan, and flew through the hole. As soon as she entered, she saw a Wind God make a gusty exit. So much so that the two fairies got blown forward a couple feet. Navi's jaw hung open.

"What was that?"

"That was Zephos, a Wind Diety," Link explained, "He said that I had a nice sense of wind about me. Either that, or he was commenting on my wind swept hair."

Navi blinked, "What?"

"Weee~!" Ivan smiled, "That was fun! Navi, I don't want to make water castles anymore! Let's make wind castles instead!"

Navi face palmed.

"Also, I learned an Aria," Link added, "And, Zephos told me to go after his brother Cyclos, since somebody destroyed his tombstone-shrine thing and stuff…oh, and he—"

"Why couldn't you have just waited for me?" Navi groaned, "You could have saved yourself the trouble of explaining stuff for me!"

"The authoress was worried about the length of the chapter being too long," Link said, "And Zephos really didn't know when to shut up. Do you know how much dialogue we avoided?"

"Bah…" Navi groaned, "Whatever. Let's get off this island."

Navi licked her finger, and held it up.

"Dang it," Navi sighed, "The wind's STILL not blowing in the right direction. Great, just great. Now what do we do?"

"Make wind castles!" Ivan grinned.

Navi sighed, "No, Ivan. We don't have time for wind castles."

Link pulled out his Wind Waker and played a tune—which Navi assumed to be the tune he just learned. Immediately afterward, a transparent compass floated over Link's head. A pointer pointed eastward. Suddenly, the pointer pointed to the west. As soon as the compass disappeared, the wind spun around, and blew the opposite direction. Neither of them noticed Ivan getting gently swept away by the new gusts.

Navi's jaw hung open, "Holy crap! What did you just—"

"Oh, yeah…" Link paused, "I guess I forgot to mention that the Requiem allows me to control the wind at will."

Navi flew in stunned silence. Ivan bounced off a rock, and regained some sense of balance. If he had any sense of balance to begin with.

"You mean, all this time, all we had to do is to go to this here shrine, in order to get off this island?" Navi yelled, "Instead of going through all that trouble getting that stupid pearl?"

Link and Navi paused. They glared at Ivan. Ivan giggled in response.

"You…have…got to be…kidding…me…"

* * *

Link walked onto shore, and hopped in his red boat.

"I can't believe this!" Navi groaned, "Ivan, why did your O.N.A. leave out such an important detail!"

"You don't like wind castles?" Ivan asked.

"No, Ivan! I don't! And if you hadn't been so irresponsible, then—"

Ivan jolted.

"It would seem that Ganon sent those monsters to this place," Ivan's body buzzed.

"Uhhh…" Link paused, "We care because…?"

"But that would mean..." Ivan paused, "There is no time to lose! We must depart at once for the place where the next pearl sleeps! We sail to the south!"

"No, Ivan, we sail to the west!" Navi said, "Forsaken Fortress is west, remember?"

Ivan's body relaxed, and he twirled out of the sky, and into Link's hair.

"Please let go of my hair," Link said.

"It's so floofy~!" Ivan cuddled with some strands.

"Whatever," Navi sighed, "Don't listen to him."

Link plucked Ivan out of his hair, and shoved him into the mouth of the boat.

"Right," Link nodded, "Let us not delay any longer…we sail to the west!"

"'Hoy! Hold it right there, small fry!"

"For the love of Cylcos, what is it _now?_"

A fish jumped out of the water.

"I don't know where you got your mitts on that Sea Chart you got there...But it looks to me like it's pretty much got nothing but seas drawn on it!" the fish said, "It's pathetic! In fact, it's almost an insult to call that thing a Sea Chart, if you ask me!"

Link blinked, "How do you know what my Sea Chart looks like?"

"A talking _fish?_" Navi asked, "A talking _FISH?_ Augh! It's feels like everything is trying to get in our way now!"

"What's the matter, small fry?" the fish said. "I'm just trying to be nice here! I'm telling you that you've got a problem. And you do. Don't give me that stupefied look! It makes me look like you oughta be in diapers!"

Ivan peaked out of the boat's mouth, "Do _you_ want to make wind castles?"

The fish smiled and gave him a thumbs-up. "Sure, fry, but maybe some other time."

"Okay~!" Ivan smiled, then popped back inside.

It was then Link noticed that the fish had a human face.

"Just listen, okay?" the fish man sighed, "I'm here to teach you what I know about this island, so open up your Sea Chart! And make it snappy!"

Link still wasn't quite sure about the concept of pulling out his Sea Chart, but he did it anyway. The fish leapt out of the water, and marked Dragon Roost Island on the map. Some funky music played.

"There's a real peculiar cave towards the backside of this here Dragon Roost Island," the fish man went on, "Yeah, real peculiar. But I doubt you'll ever get there to see it, small fry-unless you manage to sprout wings and fly, that is... 'Cause you won't be getting there otherwise!"

Link was even more confused, "If _I_ can't find this cave, then how do _you _know about it?"

"That's all I can teach you, small fry!" the fish man said, "But I will do this for you, since I'm feeling so generous: I'll send word to all my brethren living near the islands of the Great Sea. Good bunch of fish. If you see a fish leaping out of the water when you sail near an island, sail up to it and spread bait out on the water's surface."

Link gasped, "_Ohhh!_ This is how I'm supposed to fill out my Sea Chart!"

"If you didn't know, then how did you get the few spots that you have, on there?" Navi asked.

"Would you believe me if I said that this was my Grandpa's map and he had filled out a couple of squares prior, even though I only got it this last chapter, and had no idea that it existed prior to that?"

Navi shook her head. The fish man turned his attention to the boat.

"'Hoy! You there!" the fish man said, "You Kingly Red Lion guy! That's it! I've repaid my debt! I'm done! You take care of the rest!"

The boat floated idly as a response. The fish ducked into the water, and swam away.

"Well…that was…" Navi paused.

"Fishy?" Link grinned.

Navi smacked Link upside the head.

* * *

Toon Link: Wow, the Rito are strange in this.

Cherry-sama: No. Just Medli.

Medli: I'm so sorry.

Link: I wonder if I'm directionally challenged…that would explain a lot.

Navi: Why do you hate Medli so much?

Cherry-sama: I don't hate her. I think she's cute. In fact, I think she's even more awesome with directionally challengedness. n.n

Medli: D:

Aryll: _(sees Medli)_ SEAGULL?

Medli: Ack! _(runs away, except sideways)_

Aryll: Come back here! _(chases with bazooka)_

Cherry-sama: …I really should have hired someone else to do this job. Please review. -.-


	10. Chapter 7: Makar ze Artiste

**Chapter 7! (I really need to update more frequently…)**

**Disclaimer: There are a lot of things in this chapter that I don't own—like the Legend of Zelda: Wind Waker, and several other things. Which I am too lazy to go through, and find them all. Like that one Pokemon reference later on. And that Charlie the Unicorn reference. Hey, I don't own them, and the very few things I do own are previously mentioned and established that I own them.**

* * *

Cherry-sama: Hi and—

Toon Link: WHAT IS TAKING YOU SO LONG?

Cherry-sama: Relax, I've posted the chapter.

Toon Link: But STILL!

Aryll: _(unfazed)_ Oh dear. It looks like onii-chan is losing his sanity. Much like the rest of the readers.

Cherry-sama: _…Gahh…_

* * *

"Ahhh…" Navi smiled.

Navi took a deep breath in, savored the moment, and then exhaled with satisfaction. She stretched, and readjusted her position the part in Link's hair.

"What's with you?" Link raised an eyebrow, "You're never this cheery."

"Ohh, nothing," Navi watched the waves, "Just the scent of the ocean."

"Wha—?" Link blinked.

"The waves…" Navi said, "The smell of the salt… The blue sky's warm embrace…"

Link rolled his eyes, "Uh-huh…"

"Just…being on the open ocean like this…" Navi sighed wistfully, "Oh…I could never get tired of this."

Five minutes later…

"_Uggghhh_…" Navi groaned, "Are we there yet?"

* * *

Link's boat sailed past Fire Mountain.

"What…a complete waste…of a boat ride…" Link groaned.

"We were _soooo _close too," Navi moaned, "If only Ivan's O.N.A. didn't set in when we were about to enter the square with Forsaken Fortress in it."

Ivan's muffled giggles were barely audible.

"How do you think he managed to stop the boat like that?" Link asked, "Well, his O.N.A., I mean."

"Very strange," Navi shook her head.

"Well, the boat ride wouldn't have been a _complete _waste if you had let me stop at Windfall Island on our way back," Link pointed out.

"And waste another chapter on that place?" Navi asked, "No thank you."

"Besides, why are we listening to him again?" Link asked.

"Because if we do what he says, then maybe his O.N.A. will finally let us into Forsaken Fortress," Navi answered.

"Oh… Okay… Gotcha," Link said.

There was a pause.

"You know, it's a good thing that the writer can just skip to another location instantly," Link said, "Otherwise, the audience would have to read pages and pages of dialogue, where nothing would really happen."

"Hey. Less talking, more rowing," Navi ordered.

"But this isn't a row boat," Link said.

"Keep moving!"

* * *

Another half day of ocean sailing later…

The mast of the boat pulled itself in.

Link paused, "What the—?"

Ivan popped out of the boat's mouth—body in full twitch.

"Yes! Do you not see what rises up from the horizon?" Ivan jolted, "That is where you must go, Link... The Forest Haven."

Link lazily lifted his arms in the air, "_Hooray_…"

There was a tiny splash. Link and Navi peeked around the head of the boat to see Ivan do the backstroke.

"Well, that was anti-climactic," Navi said, "I thought he was going to say more than that."

Link shrugged, "I guess not."

Link pulled the boat into shore. Correction: Link _would _have pulled the boat onto shore. However, this island, for some strange reason, had no shore to speak of. So Link pulled over to the shortest ledge sticking out of the water.

"It may appear as though this is but a great tree rising far above the ocean's surface..." Ivan buzzed, "But it is a sacred place. It is inside this grotto that you will find the spirit of the earth, the Great Deku Tree."

"Oh, there he goes again," Navi said.

Link groaned, "I'm getting history lessons now?"

"He's giving us history lessons?" Navi groaned, "How come his O.N.A. was more useful than mine was?"

"You must speak with the Deku Tree and receive from him the sacred gem known as Farore's Pearl," Ivan continued, "I fear that Ganon—gack! Glug glug glug…DORF!—'s vile hand may have already reached this most sacred of sanctuaries. Go forth with caution, Link."

"Whoa!" Navi gasped, "He just interrupted his own O.N.A. ! I've_ never _seen anyone do that before!"

"Wow, he really likes saying 'dorf', doesn't he?" Link asked.

"I suppose that could be one reason," Navi paused.

Ivan's body relaxed, and fell to Link's feet. Within this short silence, Navi had a moment of sudden realization.

"Wait a minute…the Deku Tree?" Navi's face lit up, "_The_ Great Deku Tree! As in the one in the Kokiri Village and Lost Wood's Guardian?"

"You're sure perky today," Link said.

"But, it's the Great Deku Tree!" Navi exclaimed, "The one and only! Ivan, isn't that great?"

Ivan gargled in response.

"Dumb question," Navi sighed, "Ignoring him—"

"He looks pretty wasted… O.N.A. isn't fatal, is it?" Link asked.

"Who cares!" Navi hummed, "The Great Deku Tree is here! Wait… How did the Great Deku Tree end up in the middle of the ocean?"

There was a pause.

"Well, whatever," Navi said, "Either way, the Great Deku Tree has got to have some Kokiri nearby! That means we can give Ivan to one of them, and we can get back to rescuing your sister!"

"Wow," Link said, "Who knew that Ivan's own O.N.A. would lead us to a place where we can drop him off?"

Ivan rose up from the floor.

"Wha…wha?" Ivan asked.

Navi grinned, "Let's go!"

Navi grabbed Ivan, and grabbed onto a part of Link's sleeve, and pulled them forward. Link, with no real desire to rip his shirt, followed behind her like a good little boy.

It was not long after that that they came across a bulbous plant. Upon Link's approach, a head of a monster popped out, and drooled menacingly.

This startled Navi into letting go of Link's sleeve, and dropping Ivan. Ivan began to roll downhill.

"It tingles!" Ivan's voice grew slowly fainter.

Link smirked. Now he could prove—

"I recognize that look in your eye," Navi said, "Don't even _think_ about it!"

Link raised an eyebrow, and thought about Navi's ironic choice of words. He pulled out his Grappling Hook, and tossed it at the new enemy. DUH DUH DUH NUUUUUUHHHH! Link got a Boko Baba Seed! This is a spiky seed, which can be cooked up into something! …Apart from that, these things will clog up your inventory…

"What the?" Navi paused, "When did you learn that would happen?"

"I learned it last chapter," Link said, "However, the idiot authoress forgot to mention my discovery until now."

Navi nodded, "Oh. I gotcha. The Zubat method."

"Exactly," Link smiled.

Ivan's voice was barely audible, "Spinny, spinny, spinny, spinny…"

"Oh, dang it, Ivan!" Navi called out, "You're going to roll into the ocean!"

While Navi flew back to retrieve her fairy companion, Link slashed away, until the plant monster, a Boko Baba, became stunned. When stunned, it struck a pose, taunting Link with its open neck. Link slashed once more, and the Boko Baba's head fell off.

Sweet. He decapitated something. In a K+ fanfic, no less. Wait, this was a _children's_ game?

"Well, that took longer than necessary," Navi said upon return.

"What?" Link asked, "You act as if I'm going to get another item later that allows me to kill these things in one hit."

"Look, Navi!" Ivan pointed to what remained of the neck, "It left a stick behind!"

"Whatever," Navi said, "I hope it doesn't take much longer to get to the Deku Tree… Otherwise I'll—"

"Whoa! Look! Another Boko Baba!" Link exclaimed.

"DANG IT!"

* * *

Much, much later…

"Why did I have to open my big mouth?" Navi groaned.

"I'm sure the rest of your haters is thinking the same thing," Link said.

"What is that supposed to mean?" Navi buzzed.

Ivan gasped, "Great Deku Tree?"

"Huh, what?" Navi spun around.

Our heroes gazed upon the sight before them with awe. Apart from the few waterfalls Link had to climb up, they had not really taken the time to take in their surroundings. Inside the hollow bark of an older tree, was a forest glade, with several trees spiraling upward. Fireflies and puffs of magic danced around the water's surface, and landed on grassy patches.

Link turned to the tree in the center of the getaway, and took a step backward. There was the largest tree Link had ever laid eyes upon. Yet, what startled Link most was not the size of the plant, but the large face that stuck out from the tree's base.

"Holy Mother of Zephos…" Link gaped.

Ivan flew forward, "Great Deku Tree!"

"Well, he's a little different that I remember him…shaved his mustache off and all," Navi paused, "but he's still the same old Great Deku Tree, right?"

Green and red acne pussed forth from the Great Deku Tree's face.

Navi raised both eyebrows, "On second thought…maybe shaving wasn't such a good idea after all…"

Ivan's voice grew fainter, "Great Deku Tree!"

"Whoa, wait, what is that?" Link paused.

The acne turned into green and red Chu Chus respectively.

Navi gasped, "The Great Deku Tree is in trouble! Quick, Link, do something!"

"Put him on medication?" Link asked.

"No, those aren't zits!" Navi face palmed.

"Great Tree Deku!" Ivan exclaimed with open arms.

"I know. I was just messing with you," Link smirked.

"WILL YOU JUST—?" Navi yelled.

"Okay, okay, I'm on it," Link sighed.

Link rolled into a large tree root that stuck out from the ground. All the Chu Chus fell off in unison.

Link paused, "If only something like that worked on real zits…"

Navi let out a gargle of irritated noises.

Link rolled his eyes, "On it."

"Gree Deat Teku!" Ivan clung to a far away branch, and didn't let go.

Link ran toward the cluster of Chu Chus, and began slashing around wildly. Several of them died, and left behind Chu Jelly. Link paused. He forgot to raid the Chu Chus.

Oh, whatever, Link thought. They couldn't sell for much anyway. He swerved around to gaze upon the battlefield of slaughtered goo. Link's smile was swiftly wiped off his face. He paled. He had managed to kill off all the_ Red_ Chu Chus, but the Green ones still stood tall.

Link found that his deep, childhood fear of Chu Chus returning. His knees began to knock. Could he only kill the Red ones? Do the Green ones have an immunity to his sword? Are the Green ones invincible? And Link thought green was his lucky colour!

Link swallowed, and held his sword with two hands. H-h-he-he-he could d-d-do this. Link gulped. A-a-after all—he was a m-m-m-man now. He-he wasn't a-afraid of no Chu Chus. They were a f-f-fear of the pa-pa-past.

Link slowly nodded to himself. Y-y-yeah. M-m-men like him weren't afraid of no C-C-C-Chu Chus…

Suddenly, a Green Chu Chu made the first move, and lurched toward him. Link's eyes widened. Oh boy. He was a goner now. Nope, no chance at all. Not even Navi could save him. Nothing would remain of him except a puddle of dissolved goop. They couldn't even have a funeral, because they wouldn't be able to pick up his remains to put him in the grou—

The Green Chu Chu hit Link's sword and splattered into a million pieces. Link blinked. Oh. They took _two _hits. Great. Now he looked like an idiot.

DUH DUH DUH NUUUUUUHHHH! Link got Green Chu Jelly! Trust me, Link, you'll be sick of this stuff before you know it. Soon, your Spoils Bag will be lined with green goop.

Link ignored the heat coming from his cheeks, and ran widely through the field of Green Chu Chus, picking up the Red Chu Jelly as he went. Soon, nothing remained but a plain of Chu Jelly.

Navi was looking to the side, but turned toward him. They made eye contact. Fortunately, Navi hadn't noticed Link's little awkward moment. Or, at least she pretended like she hadn't. Either one worked for him.

Suddenly, the giant lily pad beneath Link's feet lifted him above the ground. The Deku Tree opened his mouth to say something, but Link's squirming cut him off.

"Hey! Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait! I haven't collected all the Chu Jelly yet!" Link protested.

The Deku Tree paused, lowered the lily pad slowly, and watched the young lad as he systematically collected all the goop. Apparently he wasn't worried about them respawning in his pack, or anything. As soon as Link was finished, he hopped back on the lily pad. Link gave his direct attention to the Tree.

Unfortunately, the Deku Tree didn't respond in modern Hylian.

"No, not quite," Navi said. "But, I know! The resemblance is uncanny!"

The Deku Tree spoke once more in another tongue.

"…'_King_'?" Navi asked, "Sorry, I don't know what 'King' this is you speak of, but, the one you're looking for is right here!"

Link stared at the Deku Tree as if it was on crack.

The Deku Tree seemed to notice this, yet it continued to speak in another tongue.

"Hey, hey, hey!" Navi buzzed up and down, "Who said _HE_ was the one? You're staring right at the person you're looking for! Me!"

The Deku Tree looked at Navi in disbelief.

"But wait…" Navi paused, "If you mistook me for him, then that must mean he's been here… In other words, there's a possibility that he's somewhere in the Great Sea!"

The Deku Tree blinked.

"Yes!" Navi danced, "My life doesn't hate me after all!"

The Tree sighed, and turned to Link.

"I must apologize. I was in error," the Deku Tree said, "I saw your clothing and suddenly I felt a longing for an age gone by. That longing caused the ancient tongue to pass my lips."

"Ancient?" Navi hissed, "I haven't been gone _that _long!"

"Holy crap, the tree can talk!" Link gasped, "Like, _actually!_"

The Great Tree blinked.

"Of course he can, you idiot!" Navi said, "The Great Deku Tree can do anything!"

"He couldn't get zits off his face," Link pointed out.

"Don't insult the Great Deku Tree!" Navi snapped.

"Sorry," Link sighed.

"Shall we begin with proper introductions?" the Deku Tree asked.

"Sure," Link pointed to Navi, "Well, this here is Navi. She's looking for a friend, and can be pretty bossy sometimes, but she's cool."

"And this is Link," Navi said, "He has procrastination issues."

"He-Hey!" Link stuttered, "I do not!"

"Ahh…" the Great Tree smiled, "Welcome Link. Welcome Navi."

"It is an honour to be in your presence," Navi bowed.

Link stared at Navi as if _she_ was on crack. He was a little freaked out by Navi's respect for this tree they just met. She never treated him with this much respect when they met.

"Now then…" the Deku Tree continued, "Can either of you explain why this little fairy is hugging my branch so tightly?"

One of the Great Deku Tree's branches twisted itself in front of Link and Navi's vision, and revealed a green ball of light clinging to onto the branch. The green ball looked as if it was in utter bliss. Navi did a face palm.

Ivan's happy garbles were no longer understandable: "Dkeu Geart Tere!"

"That is our Zero I.Q. Partner, Ivan," Navi groaned, "Here, I'll try to pry him off of you."

"Ah, yes, please do," the Deku Tree nodded.

"So that's what happened to him…" Link paused.

Navi flew over to Ivan, and tugged on his middle.

"You know, we've got to stop losing track of that guy," Link said, "It could get him killed."

"Ah, but Link, you forget!" Navi grinned, "We're getting him a Kokiri of his own this chapter!"

"Oh, right."

"After that, it'll be _their_ fault if Ivan dies!" Navi smiled, "In which case, I would beat them into a pulp! But we'd still be rid of him!"

Link groaned, "Aren't _you_ the nicest soul."

"Tere Dkeu G—wait, _whaaa?_" Ivan blinked.

The Deku Tree coughed.

"Sorry about that," Link turned to the Deku Tree, "You were saying?"

The Deku Tree smiled, "I am the guardian spirit of this Forest Haven—the Deku Tree, as you may already know. I owe you my thanks for your aid in ridding me of those foul creatures..."

Link looked at his fingernails, "Heh, no problem. A man like me can bring down a whole army of monsters, if need be. Let alone an army of acne."

Link squinted at his fingernails. They had become rather dirty since he last saw them. Link made a mental note to clean them before bringing Aryll home. Navi brought Ivan down in front of the two, for she had finally plucked Ivan off the tree.

"Sorry about that, Great Deku Tree," Navi said, "He tends to be clingy sometimes."

"Navi… Guess what," Ivan smiled.

Navi sighed, "What?"

"It's the Great Deku Tree!" Ivan pointed to the tree.

Navi face palmed.

"Hmmm…" the Deku Tree paused, "You two fairies seem quite familiar. Have we met?"

"Great Deku Tree!" Ivan squirmed to get closer.

"Of course we have," Navi said, "Back then you had a mustache, but we go a long way back."

There was a pause.

"Oh wait," Navi said, "The Great Deku Tree died. In chapter one of Totally Messed."

Ivan gasped, "Great Deku Tree?"

There was another pause.

Navi spun around, "DEKU TREE SPROUT?"

"Ohhh…" the Deku Tree nodded, "That right…I met you two briefly as a sapling."

Navi's jaw dropped, "_DEKU TREE SPROUT?_"

"Yes… It is me…" the Deku Tree said, "However, I am no longer a sprout."

Navi was at a loss for words and stared at the Deku Tree as if it was _made _of crack. Navi dropped Ivan, and he promptly flew towards the Deku Tree again. Link grabbed the little fairy before he could latch on again.

"Great Deku Tree!" Ivan exclaimed.

Link sighed.

"By the way," Navi regained her composure, "Do you have a pearl we can bet Link's life on, like the last guy did?"

Link went wide-eyed, "He-he-hey!"

"Actually, I do have that sort of object," the Deku Tree said, "However, there is no need to bet your friend's life on it."

"But that's no fun!" Navi protested.

"Sweet!" Link exclaimed, "I don't have to die!"

"Also, do you have an acne problem, Great Deku Tree Sprout?" Navi asked, "If you do, I'm sure we can find an arbourist that prescribes to trees—"

"No, I do not…" the Great Deku Tree sighed, "I fear that the enemy is after the goddess's pearl. For some time now, the monsters have begun to congregate in the regions around my wood."

"Great Deku Tree!" Ivan turned a blue tint.

"Why do you think that is?" Link asked.

"He has returned..." the Deku Tree paused, "Ganon has returned..."

Ivan didn't skip a beat, "Dorf!"

The Deku Tree stared at the little fairy.

"Erm…what?" the Deku Tree paused.

"Don't worry," Navi said, "He does that sometimes."

"If you insist…" the Tree paused.

"So are you giving us the pearl at all?" Link asked, "Or are you two going to criticize Ivan for the next two and a half pages?"

"_Ohhh_, Link, don't tempt me!" Navi said.

"Yes, yes, indeed. I shall give you the pearl," the Deku Tree nodded, "In that case, we must make haste."

The Deku Tree's face tilted slightly upward.

"Koroks! Little children of the woods! This traveler is not your enemy," the Great Deku Tree let out, "Let your hearts be at ease, and show yourselves!"

Almost immediately after the Deku Tree said that, small flying things blew out of the Deku Tree's higher branches. Link squinted. Soon the things came close enough to see properly, and landed on the lily pad around Link. Link found himself surrounded on all sides by what looked to be withered tree stumps. Link hoped they weren't hungry.

"These are the Koroks—the spirits of the forest," the Deku Tree explained.

"Hello, young adventurer!" one of the withered trees lifted up a stubby arm.

"Hi~…" Ivan waved back.

Navi's mouth hung open, "What happened to the Kokiri?"

"Once upon a time, long ago, the Koroks took on human forms," the Deku Tree explained, "but one day, one of them failed to pay their parking ticket on their campervan. When the debt collectors came, and found that the one they were looking for had fled, the debt collectors transformed the rest of them into the forms you see before you. And the debt collectors refuse to turn them back, until every last penny of that one particular forest inhabitant's debt is paid off."

"That darned Saria!" one of the stumps spoke up, "She thinks she can just get away with things like this!"

Link and Navi blinked in unison.

"Hee hee hee…" Ivan giggled. "I remember that."

The Deku Tree sighed, "Now they fear people, especially debt collectors…but to me, they will ever be my cherished little children."

Link raised an eyebrow, "That is the weirdest story ever."

"So, Saria's still alive?" Navi asked.

"She's still alive with the transport device she made, that Rauru gave to her?" Ivan asked.

Link took a step back, "Wait, _what?_"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa!" Navi piped up, "The Koroks… Why don't they have fairies?"

"Uhhh…" the Deku Tree paused.

"We haven't had them for many years now," a taller Korok said.

Navi turned red, "So, wait… You don't give them fairies anymore?"

"See, when the debt collectors came, they took the fairies as temporary pay, and they've been kept as slaves for them ever since—" the Tree tried to explain.

Navi flew up to the Deku Tree's face, "You got rid of us? You got rid of _US?_"

"In a sense, but—" the Deku Tree started.

"What, we weren't _good enough _for you?" Navi yelled, "Sure, Ivan's a rare exception, but I knew several fairies who worked their hearts out day in and day out for their Kokiri!"

"I remember those days," a Korok with a high pitched voice said.

"Ahhh… That was the life…" another Korok said.

"My parents were Guardian Fairies, my grandparents were Guardian Fairies, and everyone I went to High School with became a Guardian Fairy!" Navi yelled, "And, sure, while _I_ didn't want to be one at first, I have become accustomed to that way of living!"

"_Really_?" Ivan cocked his head to the side.

"My apologizes—?" the Deku Tree began.

"And now look what you've done!" Navi added, "No more jobs in the Guardian Fairy Market today, now huh? Think of all those poor innocent fairies, left unemployed in the streets! Does that make you feel better, punk? DOES IT?"

"That's enough, Navi," Link sighed.

Link waited until Navi got within arms reach. As soon as she was, he clasped his hands around her, and thereby plucking her out of the sky.

"I want a lawyer!" Navi's voice came from Link's hands, "And I probably won't have any trouble finding one, since all the fairies probably went into Law School, instead of Guardian School!"

The Deku Tree's eyebrow twitched, "As it happens, you have come just in time for a ceremony that the Koroks hold but once ever year."

"You don't say!" Link said with false enthusiasm.

"This is treason!" Navi bellowed, "TREASON, I SAY!"

"It is about to begin," the Deku Tree nodded, "I shall grant the pearl to you once their ceremony is complete. I must apologize for the brief delay, but if the ceremony is not completed soon, an ill fate could befall us."

"But Great Deku Tree," one Korok piped up, "An ill fate could befall us if we _start_ the ceremony."

"We might as well get it over and done with," the Deku Tree sighed, "So, let it begin. Are you ready, my children?"

All the Koroks visibly got stiffer, as if they were both physically, and mentally preparing themselves for something.

"Great news, O Great Deku Tree!" a voice came from above, "Great news!"

From the open sky overhead, came another Korok. Link let go of Navi due to his surprise. Link, at first, thought the Korok was extremely shaken, but Link soon realized that it was just jittery from excitement.

"Something terrible has happened!" the Korok said, "It's Makar! Makar!"

"What is the matter, Lindar?" the Deku Tree sighed, "You and Makar are always late..."

"And you always seem to ignore me in return, O Great Deku Tree," Linder sighed.

"Did you say something just now?"

Lindar sighed, "_Nooo…_"

"Then what is all the commotion about, Lindar?" the Deku Tree asked.

"Makar... fell into the Forbidden Woods!" Lindar exclaimed.

There was a pause.

"You aren't pulling my roots, are you, Lindar?" the Tree asked.

"No, Great Deku Tree!" Lindar replied, "It's true! I even helped a little!"

The Great Deku Tree chuckled, "Well, bless my soul! What luck we are having this year!"

Link and Navi went wide-eyed. The Koroks encircled around them, cheered.

"Splendid!" the Deku Tree smiled, "Splendid! My dear children, we are so fortunate this festival to have such splendid luck! Now, then, let us begin—"

"Wait a minute, wait a minute!" Navi said, "I thought I heard that one of your ex-Kokiri fell into something."

"Yes? And?" the Deku Tree asked.

"And you're starting the ceremony without him?" Navi asked.

"Of course!" the Deku Tree chuckled.

The Koroks cheered again. Ivan cheered with them, until Navi glared at him.

"Isn't that a bit harsh?" Link asked, "After all, it _is_ one of your own, right? You said that you consider the Koroks to be your children."

"Yes, that is true," the Deku Tree admitted, "However, in every family, even a father has his favourites."

"I can't believe you!" Navi let out a sound of disgust, "First you make the fairies unemployed, and now you're leaving a fellow Korok in…what was it called again?"

"The Forbidden Woods," the Deku Tree said.

"Why are the woods forbidden?" Link asked.

"The Forbidden Woods are right beside the hollowed island of our Forest Haven," the Deku Tree explained, "Those woods... The whole region is a vile place that is home to evil beasts."

"And you're leaving Makar to _die?_" Link asked.

The Deku Tree grinned, "Exactly."

The Koroks cheered even louder.

"Disgusting!" Navi huffed, "The Great Deku Tree _I _knew would never abandon a Kokiri in need!"

The Deku Tree had a grim expression on his face, "_Ohhh_, trust me… You do **not** want to save Makar."

"Why?" Link asked.

"Is the Maker bad?" Ivan asked.

Navi turned to the Korok in front of her, "Which way to the Forbidden Woods?"

The Korok trembled, but didn't say anything.

"Now, now, Drona," the Deku Tree sighed, "there is no need to conceal the location of the woods. If they want to go on a suicide mission, then so be it."

Drona gulped, "U-u-u-up there."

Drona pointed to a ledge fifty feet above the lily pad Link stood on.

"Well, _that _should be easy enough," Link sighed.

"Excellent," Navi smirked, "Let's go."

"Adventure!" Ivan exclaimed.

"Have fun," the Great Tree smiled, "That is, if you make it out alive."

"But, Great Deku Tree!" Lindar piped up, "...People cannot fly through the air..."

"Neither can trees," Link pointed out, "Withered tree stumps or not, you shouldn't have been able to float down earlier. Heck, Linebar, how are you still airborne?"

"The traveler makes a good point, young Lindar," the Deku Tree said.

"Great Deku _Treeeee!_" Lindar wailed.

"Do I really need to fly?" Link asked.

"It is not possible to enter those woods from the sea..." the Deku Tree explained, "Link, I would guess from your size that you are heavier than my Korok children..."

"And they technically shouldn't be able to fly either," Navi said, "Come on, Great Deku Tree, they're made of _solid wood_!"

"In other words, this mission was impossible from the start," Link sighed, "And Mackar shouldn't have technically fallen into the woods in the first place."

"Then how am I still flying?" Lindar asked.

"You have a hollow head?" Navi asked.

"Huh. That explains a lot," Lindar paused.

"…In any case," the Deku Tree sighed, "Link, if you are confident that you are able to defy the laws of physics, feel free to the item I shall bestow upon you and fly through the sky."

"Is it fairy dust?" Link gave the Deku Tree an unimpressed face, "I certainly hope not. It'd be way too clichéd and feminine."

"And you'd be able to sing that strange song from the last fic," Navi sighed. "So, no, I definitely, hope not."

The Deku Tree began to shout loudly, until a leaf appeared on a high branch. Okay. That took _way_ too much effort for just one leaf.

The Deku Tree paused, "Forgive me, Link, but could you climb up to my crown and get the leaf from up there?"

"All the way up there?" Link asked, "Are you _trying_ to slow us down?"

The Tree grinned, "Yes."

There was a pause.

"I hate you," Link grumbled.

"Hey, at least he's giving it to you," Navi huffed.

"Navi," Link turned to the fairy, "My little nagster with wings. Why don't you go get it for me?"

"N-N-N-_Nagster!_" Navi buzzed up and down, "That's insulting!"

"It's not even a word," Link rolled his eyes.

"Still!" Navi huffed, "Just for that, I'm not doing to get it for you!"

"Oh come on," Link groaned.

"No," Navi said, "I am not your dog. I'm not even your fairy. And it just so happens that I'm feeling lazy today. So there."

"Well, maybe I'm feeling lazy today too," Link crossed his arms.

Navi paused, "Don't make me take your hat."

There was a moment of silent tension between our heroes.

"It's at times like these…" Link muttered under his breath.

Link hopped off the lily pad, and went on his way. He ignored the uneasy glances of the Koroks all around him. He soon noticed something purple, and walked over to it. It looked like a Boku Baba bulb, only it was purple, and lacked a Boku Baba. Link examined it closely.

"Hmmm…" Link stroked his chin.

"Hey!" Ivan twitched, "This is a bulb which isn't in my database right now. Use it to launch upward!"

With that, the O.N.A. state fairy pushed Link into the bulb. Soon afterward, it spat Link out. Link flew a few feet in the air, then landed on his face.

"The one moment when Ivan's O.N.A. has been useful," Navi said.

"And I end up with my face in the dirt," Link's muffled voice came, "_Greeeeaaaattt._"

Ivan fell out of the sky, and bounced off of Link's head.

"It's better than you climbing branch by branch," Navi pointed out.

Link looked at the green ooze on his arm, "Is it?"

Link took a glance up at the Deku tree. He paused. He looked higher. He paused again. Link rolled on his back, and as his eyes followed the truck. Finally, he was able to see the top branches. Link paused again.

"Okay, yes. Yes it is," Link said, "Let's go."

Link held his breath, and plunged forth into the bulbous plant. It spat him back out again, but flung him into another bulb. Link took aim (somehow) within the second bulb, and was flung onto a branch. Link managed to land on his feet, yet he was slathered with the green goop. Large droplets flung off of his tunic when he landed—one of which pelted a Korok in the face. The Korok tipped over.

"Ouch!" the Korok let out.

"Sorry," Navi said.

"What is this stuff, anyway?" Link made a face.

The Korok stood up, revealing his mask—a long, oval shaped leaf. Link tried to withhold a smile.

"Heeeeey, fella," Link snorted, "Why the long face—"

"No! No! Stop it!" the Korok growled, "I've heard that joke _way_ too many times. It wasn't even funny the first time! So stop it."

"But—"

"Sure, when I was a newly formed little Korok, I picked out an oval shaped leaf. The leaf was the nicest shade of green, in my opinion. And ever since then, I've been hearing the long-face jokes non-stop."

"Uhhh…"

"You know what? Fine! I'll get another leaf and stick it to my face!" the Korok yelled, "And it'll be short and circular! And on it, I will carve 'Mr. Swordsman is the biggest jerk EVER!' Who'll be laughing then? Huh? Huh? HUH?"

"I'm sorry?"

"Thank you!" the Korok huffed.

There was a pause.

"Why'd you choose a long face?" Link asked.

"GAH!" the Korok let out.

"Link, stop offending the little people," Navi said.

"But I was just asking why he—"

"Link, its obvious that just talking to you will make them upset," Navi explained, "So just avoid the jokes, and maybe avoid conversation with them all together."

"Fine," Link sighed. "That's kinda what I've been doing, anyway."

Link continued his way up the Deku Tree's truck, hopping from bulb to bulb. Eventually, Link made it to the branch where the new item was. However, he was soaked head to toe with the green ooze.

"_Auuuggghhh_…" Link groaned, "I could really go for a dip in the ocean right now."

"Hee hee hee!" Ivan giggled, "Link's a frog!"

Link glared at the little fairy, which stifled the giggles considerably.

"You know, with all that goop dripping off of you, you really do kinda look like a—"

DUH DUH NUUUUUUHHHH! Link got the Deku Leaf! This leaf can, not only fly you through the air, but can allow you to fan people with it! Seriously. You do have to use it like a fan sometimes. Also, flying takes up magic for some reason. And—oh, hey look, Link got a Magic Meter too.

The green gloop that covered Link previously, got absorbed through his skin. Link went wide-eyed.

"Did that stuff just go into me?" Link frowned.

Navi nodded, "Yeah."

"…More like…a tree frog!" Ivan concluded. "Since he's not as gooey, and he's on a tree!"

Link began to rub his skin, "Ewww! Gross! Nasty! It was better when it was dripping off of me!"

"It filled up your Magic Meter," Navi pointed out.

"_Still!_"

"Tree frogs are magical?" Ivan cocked his head.

"Huh. I guess it was liquefied magic power," Navi pondered, "That's useful."

"It's gross!"

"Yet useful."

"Swordsman!" came a Korok's voice, "Over here!"

Link looked over and saw said Korok on the ledge to the woods.

"Please!" the Korok yelled, "You must fly from over there to here using your Deku Leaf!"

Link blinked, "I _must?_ I thought you guys didn't want me to rescue Makar."

"Yes, well," the Korok yelled back, "I made a bet with Makar, in which he said that he would rake the leaves for the rest of the week. And since I won, I don't want him to go back on his word!"

"Meh," Navi said, "Sounds fair to me."

"Wow…" Link paused, "Even withered tree stumps hate raking leaves."

Link raised the Deku Leaf above his head. He fluffed it up a little bit, and held onto a protruding Deku Vein. He took a deep breath, and exhaled.

Link closed his eyes, and took a running jump off the edge of the branch. As soon as his sprinting feet met air, he clung to the Deku Leaf for dear life.

Link opened one eye. He opened the other. His face lit up.

He was flying.

He was really, truly flying.

"I'm flying! I'm flying!" Link giggled, "I'm not falling to my death or anything! I'm really flying!"

"Actually, technically you're gliding," Navi said.

Link didn't hear Navi through his laughter.

"Seriously, Link, it's not that impressive," Navi said.

"Weee! Woo hoo!" Link began kicking his feet in excitement, "Boo yah!"

Navi rolled her eyes, then smiled. Oh well. At least he was acting like a kid for once.

Link's kicking motion put him into a slight swing in the air. Link saw the ground. He gulped. That was a _looong_ way down.

Link promptly shut his mouth, and landed quietly onto the ledge.

"Excellent work, Mister Swordsman!" the Korok exclaimed.

Link looked at the Deku Leaf. He paused.

Link sighed, "Man, if flying was _that_ easy, then why did it take the Americans so long build the first flying machine?"

Link shoved the Leaf into his START Menu. …Somehow…

"Link, we've wasted enough time already!" Navi flew up to his ear, "Now, we'd better get moving before Ivan drives me crazy. And if we don't hurry, then that Makar guy will get killed."

The nearby Korok cheered in the background.

"Hey, I can't help it if flying is fun," Link said.

Navi groaned, "Link, less talking, more rescuing!"

* * *

Through a series of events, Link found his way into the Forbidden Woods. From there he used the Deku Leaf to the point where he could abuse it no more. Defeating Boku Babas left and right, and jumping into those bulbs, Link steadily made his way through the woods. According to the scriptwriter, this dungeon is very annoying. Can't argue with her on that one.

After several hours of dungeon crawling, Link was covered from head to toe in scrapes and bruises. Despite gaining two hearts from the previous room, Link still needed half a heart to fill up the meter. So, Link was more or less exhausted from the dungeon crawling itself, and not the monsters he faced.

Link wobbled when he walked.

"I suddenly understand why these woods are forbidden," Link groaned.

Link collapsed onto the floor. The grass responded to this rude gesture by poking their blades up his nose.

"Well, it wouldn't have taken so long if you hadn't been so insistent on raiding every single monster you come across," Navi said.

"But Golden Feathers are so shiny…" was Link's muffled reply.

"Anyway, Link," Navi sighed, "You'd better pick yourself up. That is, if you don't want to take four days to find Makar."

Link lifted his face out of the mud.

"Where is that guy, anyway?" Link groaned. "I thought I would have found him by now."

"Oh come on, Link," Navi huffed, "You think the game designers are that_ nice?_"

Link sighed, "Yes?"

"Look, I told you exactly how this is going to play out," Navi said. "First, there's gonna be a whole bunch of weird rooms, in which we cannot do anything. Then, we'll find Makar in a room not too far in, but unfortunately, he will refuse to go back until he finds his mother's stone, and get himself even deeper into the dungeon. Then, with his help, making him press switches, throwing him at jellyfish, and what not, we will have to complete the dungeon. But he will get kidnapped after a while, but that won't matter, since after we defeat the boss, he will appear in the blue light, and _then_ we will get him out. It's as simple as that."

Link stood up.

"Navi, you said that was the case for _one_ dungeon your Link went through," Link moaned, "And we've been searching several rooms, and we still haven't found him. Are you _sure _that's the way it's gonna play out?"

"Either that, or we are going to have to go through this dungeon, using several Deku Flowers and whatnot, and finally find Makar after we beat the boss, being held hostage in a room covered by vines," Navi explained. "Then we're going to have to put him in a bottle, and release him in front of the Deku Tree to stop him from punishing the foolish monkey by boiling him alive."

"Wait, what?" Link blinked.

"I've got an idea!" Navi exclaimed, "We should split up. We'll cover more ground that way. And find Makar faster."

Link was in no mood to argue, "'Kay. Navi, you go with Ivan."

"What?" Navi hissed, "No way!"

"Navi!" Ivan exclaimed.

Ivan clung to Navi's arm, and refused to let go. Link snickered.

Navi groaned, "Why do _I _always get Ivan?"

"Because," Link began, "you've known him longer out of the two of us. Plus, he's your boyfriend."

"Hey, just because he's clinging to my arm, does not mean he's my boyfriend!" Navi blushed.

"Then how come you're blushing?" Link smirked.

"I am not!" Navi huffed.

"Navi, you're pink?" Ivan gasped. "Are you a pink fairy?"

"What? No!" Navi groaned. "And stop clinging to my arm!"

"Whatever!" Link said, "He'd be a lot safer with you. So just take him."

"We're going to be alone together?" Ivan asked.

Navi kept herself from sobbing, "Yes. Yes, Ivan, we will be."

"Can we go Asparagus picking, Navi?" Ivan exclaimed, "Just you and me?"

There was a long pause.

"You know…" Navi said, "…we could just leave him here. And nobody would ever find out…"

"And we can collect Asparaguseses to feed our Tree Frog!" Ivan pointed at Link. "It'll be so much fun!"

Link seriously considered this option.

"No," Link said after a while, "We can't be as heartless as the Tree and the Koroks. Abandoning Makar and all."

Navi sighed, "I guess you're right. We have to set an example, until we can get rid of him. Come on, Ivan, let's go."

"Are there any Asparagus here?" Ivan flew over to some grass.

"Ivan! No! Now come on!" Navi snapped.

"But, Navi!" Ivan pointed to a plant monster. "This one looks _awful_ tasty!"

"Ahh! No! Ivan! That's a—"

Link snuck into the next room while he had the chance.

* * *

The wooden door slammed behind him. A couple leaves blew up when it closed. They fluttered down softly.

Link trotted along his way, quite thankful for some time to himself for once, when he halted suddenly.

Link paused. Something was missing. Something was off.

It was too…quiet. The air was too still. He could actually hear leaves falling onto the forest floor, and the wind blowing the vines about. Well, either that, or the vines were actually animated plant monsters that wanted to kill him, but he could still hear them really well. Link wasn't used to it being this quiet before. It was rather unsettling. The world was like an empty void, with nothing but him inside.

This puzzled Link. Why was he feeling like this? He knew he had just left Navi and Ivan off to do their own thing, but leaving them behind couldn't have made him feel like this. He had only met Navi a few days ago, and he knew Ivan for even less. Yet he felt like a sound that had been bothering him for many years in his life had abruptly stopped. And now he was in relapse or something.

Link came upon a sudden realization: What he missed was the rat-tat-tatting from Aryll's machine guns in the morning. The way the grenades woke him up during naps. The way the seagulls would throw sticks of dynamite back after her. All those craters in the sand. All that worrying about whether or not Aryll would live another day. Or he would live another day. Sure, he didn't really want to go back to that kind of living again—now that he was man and all. But all those noises… He actually kind of missed it, now that he thought about it.

Link blinked. How come he was only feeling the after affects of this now? Aryll was kidnapped days ago. Shouldn't he have felt it _then_, instead of now?

"_Whoa. What happened to you?"_

"_For the Goddesses' sakes! Hurry up!"_

"_Great going, genius."_

_"You moron!"  
_

Link paused. Oh. As soon as Aryll had been kidnapped, Navi filled in the void of silence with her constant nattering at him. In a sense, she had replaced Aryll's warfare.

That was actually really pathetic, Link realized, if Navi's blabbering was able to equate to the sounds of Aryll's war with the Seagulls. Link sighed. He guessed that Ivan equated to his Grandmother, rambling on about peace all the time. He didn't feel like he had even left home, in that respect.

Wow. Link didn't feel like he had left home. Now that was just sad.

The silence enveloped him once more. It was unnerving.

Okay. That was it. He missed the fairies a little. Just a little. And he was going to get this part of the dungeon over with as soon as possible to meet up with them.

Link came to a decision. After this dungeon, he would never split ways with the fairies again. Unless it was absolutely necessary. And whatever was absolutely necessary could always be left until the next day.

With that in mind, Link strode forward confidently until he again realized how quiet it was around him.

* * *

Link continued on his way, and quickly found the silence to be unbearable. Fortunately for him, the next room he entered had both Ivan and Navi in it. Link became so overjoyed (not that he would admit it, mind you) that he didn't notice the puffs of glowing dust fall onto his shoulders.

Link's face lit up, "You guys!"

"Hiii~, tree frog!" Ivan waved back.

"Watch out, moron!" Navi yelled.

Link sighed. Same old Navi. Did she even miss him? Then again, he _had _left her with Ivan. So she was probably a little ticked. Link sighed. Some glowing dust landed on his nose.

"Above you!" Navi pointed.

Link blinked. He looked up, and found himself eye to eye with a gigantic moth…butterfly…freaky thing. As soon as he looked at it, it flew toward him with fire propelling it forward.

Link's eyes widened, "Wahh!"

Link ducted. The flames scorched the tip of his hat. The butterfly moth thing began flapping its wings to hover before him.

"That's what we've been trying to tell you!" Navi yelled, "We've been fighting that thing for three straight minutes! And considering how fast time flows in this game, that's a lot!"

Link held up his shield pensively. He was mildly alarmed by the fire that spewed out of the moth's butt, but apart from that, Link found that this was another opportunity to prove his knightly strength—

"THIS IS NOT THE TIME!" Navi yelled.

"Weee~!" Ivan twirled around in the air.

Link slashed away wildly until the demonic butterfly fell to the ground. Unnerved, the butterfly turned around, and shot little black balls with eyeballs at him. The spikes on the eyeballs clung to Link's tunic, and their combined weight caused him to move slower.

"What is this, a Mini Boss Guide now?" Navi groaned.

"Hee hee hee~!" Ivan giggled, "What a nice sweater you have there!"

"Ivan, it's not a sweater—" Link began.

Now that Ivan mentioned it, Link noticed how much these little guys made him itch. Huh. It kinda was like one of Grandma's sweaters. It reminded him of the sweater Link got on his seventh birthday—

"Link! Don't just stand there!" Navi yelled. "Kill it!"

"Okay, okay!" Link groaned, "I know!"

"Well, obviously you don't know, since I have to remind you all the time!" Navi huffed.

"Gaaaahhh…" Link sighed.

Link continued to hack away until the butterfly moth monster died. It curled up on its back, and turned black before it finally went up in a poof of smoke. A door to a chest opened up in the corner.

"It has magical powers!" Ivan gasped.

"No, Ivan. It does not have—" Navi began.

There was a pause.

"Actually, maybe it does have magical powers," Navi said, "After all, I don't see how else a door can open right after something dies."

"Maybe this entire dungeon is rigged, and they've been lying to us the entire time," Link added.

Ivan gasped dramatically.

"Who's been lying to us?" Navi asked.

"You know…" Link looked around suspiciously, "…_Them._"

Oh crap. He's onto us.

"The tree frog knows all…" Ivan gaped.

"Link, just go open the chest," Navi sighed.

"Fine. Don't believe me," Link muttered.

DUH DUH DUH NUUUUUUHHHH! Link got the Boomerang! A sunshine yellow one too! This nifty little thing can do a lot of things like stun enemies, cut ropes, and collect items for you! (It's still nowhere as awesome as the Grappling Hook.)

Link targeted Navi. He threw the boomerang at her. Navi stayed in the air, motionless, as stars circled around her head.

"Aughawagga…" Navi gargled.

"Sweet," Link smiled, "It really does stun enemies."

"Navi's the enemy?" Ivan gasped.

Link shrugged, "Sometimes, at least."

"…Th-th-that's n-not fu-fwunny…" Navi pointed a numb hand at Link.

"No. You're right, Navi," Link grinned, "It's not funny. It's hilarious."

"L-L-LWINK!" Navi yelled.

* * *

Many hours of dungeon crawling (and heart collecting) later…

"Okay… The boss's room… Finally…" Link wheezed.

"Fatty," Navi huffed. "You really need to get in shape."

"I do not," Link lifted up a weary finger, "I'm in shape in different ways."

"Ah, you mean the useless ones," Navi said.

"H-Hey!"

"Put in the key, already," Navi groaned.

Link straightened up, "You know, Makar'd better be in here. We've searched every other room in this dungeon, and we still haven't found him."

"Is Maker like Rhapsody?" Ivan asked.

"No, Makar probably won't be like Medli," Navi said.

"Do you think Maker can join us on our adventures?" Ivan asked.

"No, Ivan," Navi said, "That has got to be one of the stupidest ideas you've ever—"

A light bulb appeared above the blue fairy's head. Navi turned to Link. The lock clattered to the ground.

"Link, do you think that we could do a trade?" Navi asked. "The Deku Tree obviously doesn't want Makar, and I can't wait to ditch Ivan."

"That's not a bad idea…" Link paused.

"It's not?" Ivan asked, then paused, "Wait, what's not?"

Link nodded, "Okay then, let's get this Makar, and then trade Ivan off as soon as we get back."

"The Maker and I will trade together?" Ivan asked. "Oh boy, I hope the Maker's nice. And a good trader."

Navi rolled her eyes as the three of them walked through the door. Link peered ahead of him, and saw a withered tree stump—presumably Makar. He stood atop a large, open flower.

Upon seeing some form of rescue, Makar jumped up and down. He waved his arms and began screeching like a madman. Just kidding. He was just jumping up and down. Either way, none of them noticed the large flower as it began to move.

"Jeez, how did he make it this far inside the dungeon?" Navi asked.

"Good traders are hard to find," Ivan nodded.

Link turned to Navi, and shrugged. Link looked back just in time to see Makar get swallowed by the stigma of the gigantic flower behind him.

"The trader," Ivan flung his arms up in the air, "has been eated!"

"Well, that's the end of that," Link sighed. "Does anyone have a Plan B?"

"Pick Asparaguseses?" Ivan asked.

Navi face-palmed, "No."

"Besides that, Ivan," Link explained.

"Not get Vine Whipped by the giant Bulbasaur?" Ivan pointed.

Link sighed. "Okay. I have no idea what he's on abou—HOLY CYCLOS BABIES!"

An army of hooked vines almost sliced Link in half. Link ran like the dickens. In a brief moment of rest, Link noticed that the flower had decided to disregard all physics, rebulb itself, and hold itself up to the roof of the ceiling.

It took Link a while to figure out how to effectively attack the flower, but he soon found that the Korok-eating stigma was the weak point. Using his sunshine-yellow boomerang, Link defeated this boss by cutting the bulb from the ceiling, and slashing away that the 'head' of the stigma. Makar, who should have been fully digested by this point, popped out of the flower's remains, right next to the Heart Container. As soon as Makar regained his senses, he waddled over to Link.

"Ha ha ha ha," Link chuckled. "Who's the boss _now?_"

Navi groaned, "Augh…bad pun is bad."

"Link's a boss!" Ivan gasped. "That means he's the enemy! Quick, Navi, throw a boomerang at him!"

"Ivan…you fail," Navi sighed.

"Swordsman..." Makar paused. "Are you the one who rescued me?"

"Holy crap!" Navi turned to Makar. "How are you still _alive?_"

"Why yes, I am," Link grinned smugly. "Yes, I am."

"You have my thanks!" Makar bowed.

"Well, at least we can still trade him off," Navi sighed.

"Oh goody!" Ivan clapped his hands in excitement. "I can't wait to trade with him!"

"When all went dark around me," Makar began, "I thought my time on the earth was over."

"So did I, sprout," Link said. "So did I."

"But... why are you here, swordsman?" Makar asked.

"Uhh… Well…" Link bit his lip.

"You see, the Deku Tree…erm…" Navi paused.

"The Great Deku Tree wanted us to find you!" Ivan exclaimed. "And now we can trade! Isn't it great?"

Link and Navi looked at Ivan. That was the biggest lie Ivan had ever told, but it was probably the most appropriate thing to say.

"What? The Great Deku Tree sent you?" Makar gasped. "Oh! Th-That's right. Today's the day of our annual ceremony! I forgot! And after all this practicing I've done! Oh, this is bad! I shouldn't be here! If I stay here much longer, then they'll start without me like they did last year!"

Link and Navi looked at each other. Wow. That Deku Tree was _harsh._

"And then we can trade?" Ivan cocked his head.

"I must get out of here immediately!" Makar exclaimed. "I can't miss it! I'm playing the music! And…and…and…!"

"Okay! Okay!" Link said, "We'll take you. Just let me go and get that Heart Container and then we'll go. Okay?"

Makar nodded. Either that, or he bowed a few times. Link couldn't tell.

DUH DUH DUH NUUUUUUHHHH! Link got another Heart Container! One more heart onto Link's health meter! Lucky him!

"Let's go, Swordsman!" Makar exclaimed. "I haven't got a moment to lose!"

"Alright, alright," Link sighed, "Hold your horses."

Makar cocked his head, "What's a horse?"

"It's a _maaaagical_ creature that comes from the sky, and takes you to Candy Mountain!" Ivan explained, "Either that, or Pegasuses…but…"

"Really?" Makar asked. "I should write a song about that! And it shall involve kidneys!"

"That'd be a weird song…" Link paused.

"Never mind," Navi sighed. "Let's just get out of here."

Link trotted up to the swirly blue wind wisps, and was warped away with the fairies. Makar followed shortly after.

* * *

Link was magically warped right onto the Deku Tree's lily pad, with the fairies on either side. Link looked up and saw Makar was standing on his head. Wow. Talk about convenient.

The Deku Tree paled, "Oh no… You actually came back alive…"

Makar didn't seem to hear, "I'm sorry, Great Deku Tree... I know you warned us many times, but still I did not listen..."

Makar burst into loud wails.

Makar sniffled, "Lindar said it seemed like a good idea, and I could have sworn he pushed me, but…"

Navi and Link went wide-eyed.

The Deku Tree obviously couldn't stand a crying face, "Do not worry, Makar. You are safe now. Just be more careful from now on."

"Oh, thank you, Great Deku Tree!" Makar's face lit up.

"Did you have to bring him back?" the Deku Tree gave Link a heartbroken face. "Did you really have to?"

"We couldn't just leave a person in need!" Navi retorted. "Well, maybe not a person, but he's still a living being!"

"Normally…" the Deku Tree sighed, "that would be the right thing to do…"

Both Navi and Link raised an eyebrow.

"Here, just take the pearl," the Deku Tree's voice cracked up, "and get out of here as fast as you can…"

The Deku Tree's leaves shook—either from his own will, or from his repressed sniffling. Out came a green orb, which nailed Link right in the stomach. DUH DUH DUH NUUUUUUHHHH! Link got Farore's Pearl! Only one more to go until you can catapult them at random Great Sea inhabitants—erm…I mean…

"Oh, don't cry, Deku Tree," Makar said, "Here, I'll play a song for you to cheer you up! I've been practicing really hard!"

"NO! No!" the Deku Tree gagged. "Anything but that!"

Makar pulled out his Violin…from somewhere. He held it like a Cello.

"But, I planned on playing this song for the festival this year—" Makar protested.

"Makar," the Deku Tree begged. "_Please._"

"And I'm sure you'll love it!" Makar nodded to himself.

"Noooo…" the Deku Tree sobbed.

"Is Makar really that bad?" Link whispered to Navi.

Navi shrugged. Makar began to play. The Deku Tree braced himself. Link braced himself too, just in case.

"I'm a little Korok~," Makar sang, "Short and stout~."

"Huh," Link relaxed, "This isn't so bad."

"Here is my arm~," Makar continued, "And here is my sprout~."

"It's actually kind of cute," Navi smiled.

The Deku Tree looked at our heroes with a wary eye.

"When I get all angry," Makar continued, "hear me shout~:"

Makar took a deep breath.

"YOU $*%#! I HOPE YOU GO TO $#(! YOU (#$*ING SON OF A )$*%! YOU $(#($ING #)#$! I )$*%ING HATE YOU, YOU $%*! YOUR MOTHER IS A $)(#$! $#%*(#! (#~#! $#*%$! )#$*! $(%! ()$%! )($! $()$#!"

"HOLY—" Link took a step back.

"KA$#$! U SHALL #)$(% IN #$*%! AND $#*%^ YOUR $#(%*! AND THEN YOU WILL #$%( WITH YOUR #$*%*$# AND YOUR #%($! YOU #$($%^IBBITY $#*$#* #(%$%! AND YOUR BEAGLE WILL $#( AND #*% WITH YOU, YOU #$*%$ING ($*$!" Makar screeched.

"I think I just lost my innocence!" Link's jaw dropped.

Ivan cocked his head, "Do trades normally start out like this?"

"Ah! Ivan! Cover your ears!" Navi covered Ivan's ears.

"AND YOU KNOW WHAT I THINK OF YOUR #$*%ING #*$ER? I THINK ITS A $#*%ING #$(ING (#$*! AND *#$% YOUR (#*#*ING #$*! BECAUSE IT #$(%*ING #(#$*ING #$*%! AND $%*^, AND #$*, AND #($* UNTIL YOU CAN #%*(# NO MORE! YOU SHALL NEVER #*$$% AGAIN!" Makar yelled.

Makar wheezed loudly to catch his breath.

Link's mouth hung open, "That song has more swears than the rest of this fanfic!"

"This, and the previous two fanfics combined!" Navi gasped.

"New record!" Ivan giggled.

"Thank you," Makar bowed. "Thank you."

Link turned to the Deku Tree. Link noticed he had lost a lot of colour.

"It gets worse…" the Deku Tree panted, "the more songs you hear…"

Link nodded, "Ah."

"And my next piece," Makar continued, "I wrote while I was wandering through the Forbidden Woods."

The Deku Tree gagged, "You have _MORE?_"

As soon as Makar began to play, the Koroks behind them erupted in a choir of wailing.

"I'M #$*%#ING STUCK IN A $#(%IBBITY $%*#(ING FOREST WITH $#%&*$ $#**# ^**$ING PLANTS AND #(#%!" Makar screeched. "AND THERE ARE #$%*ING CHU CHUS $%*#ING EVERWHERE! AND I $#*%ING SWEAR THAT #$*ING LINDAR #*%ING PUSHED ME! AND #$*%IBBITY #($#( (*#!"

From the Deku Tree's agony, a whole bunch of seeds burst out from within his higher branches. All the Koroks behind our trio, flew up to the seeds.

"Quick!" one of them yelled.

"WITH #*$ING ##( %)#% APPLESAUCE! AND #*$!" Makar continued.

"Get them far away from here, before they wither from Makar's singing!" another one said.

The Koroks plucked the seeds with their feet (not a very effective method), and flew away with the seedlings as fast as they could. Makar noticed their hastily rude departure, stopped playing, and yelled after them.

"FOOLS!" Makar screamed after them. "I AM AN ARTISTE!"

Makar began smashing his violin against the floor like some 80s rockstar. Link's eyes bulged.

"A MASTER OF THE ARTS!" Makar yelled on top of the ruins of his violin.

The Deku Tree gasped for air.

"And here I thought only Saria had an insane side," Navi said.

"Is this when we trade?" Ivan asked.

"No, Ivan," Navi sighed. "Forget the trade completely."

"Wh-what?" the Deku Tree stuttered. "There was a trade?"

"You know, I was considering on asking to trade him," Navi indicated toward Makar, "for Ivan…but now I've changed my mind."

"No!" the Deku Tree yelled, "Take him! Take him! _Please!_ Here, I'll throw Hollo in for free! No charge! And I'll even let you keep your fairy friend. Just _pleeease_ take him away…far far away from here!"

"Link," Navi said, "Ivan… Let's get out of here."

Link nodded slowly and the three of them left while ignoring the Deku Tree's pleas.

* * *

When Link stepped outside, he paused for a moment.

"I kinda feel sorry for the Deku Tree," Link said. "He can't run like the rest of us."

"Aww, man…" Navi gulped. "Now I feel like a jerk."

"Don't worry, Navi," Ivan smiled. "Even though we never got to trade with Makar, I bet the Great Deku Tree was happy to see us!"

"No, Ivan, I very much doubt that," Navi sighed.

Link walked forward, with his guilt weighting him down so much that he felt like he was being dragged on the floor. This soon ended, however, when Link spied a wiggling Postbox.

"Wait, what the heck?" Navi blinked.

"Ahh," Link said, "Looks like I have mail."

"Duuuude…" Navi's mouth hung open. "It…_wiggles…_"

"Yaaaaay~!" Ivan giggled. "It wiggles!"

'Gooood moooorrrning!' the postbox sang.

"Good morning to you too," Link said. "You have a letter for me?"

'Letters for Link?' the postbox asked. 'We have 1 letter! Here is your letter.'

Link opened up his hands in front of the Postbox. The Postbox spat the letter into Link's hands. Ivan clapped in amusement.

"Ewww!" Navi cringed. "That's nasty!"

Ivan smiled, "Do it again! Do it again!"

To amuse Ivan, the Postbox began blowing spit bubbles. Link tore open the letter.

'_Dear Link,  
If you are reading this letter, it can only mean you have peeked into one of our many postboxes. I am indebted to you. I am very sorry I let you leave without thanking you. Please accept my heartfelt apology along with my thanks.'_

"Who's it from?" Navi asked.

"I think its from one of the Rito," Link replied.

'_We cannot do much to help you, but we can at least do this: if we get any letters or parcels for you, we will deliver them to a postbox near you. If you see any wiggling postboxes, please look inside them.'_

"But I already knew that!" Link huffed. "Do they think I've lived under a rock my entire life? I _have_ picked up the mail before. Cyclos."

Navi blinked, "What is it you knew about already?"

"Nothing," Link sighed.

'_I suppose you have a long way to go before your perilous journey is done. I have included a gift for you with my letter in the hope that it might help you. Please accept this small token. I look forward to the day that we meet again. _

_May Fortune Fill Your Wings  
From Komali's Father'_

"Ahh, it's from the chief," Link said.

"Hmm… That's cool," Navi said.

"Not really," Link shrugged. "Hey, look. There's something attached."

DUH DUH DUH NUUUUUUHHHH! Link got a Heart Piece! Now you're halfway to getting another Heart Container! _Dang!_ Komali's dad is generous!

"Well, Link," Navi announced. "I've come to a decision."

"What?" Link asked.

"Even though we didn't get to trade Ivan in, today was a pretty good day," Navi smiled.

"And imagine if we _had _gone through with trading Makar for Ivan," Link added. "That would really suck."

"You said it, Link," Navi said.

Navi turned to Ivan, who had just popped one of the Postbox's spit bubbles.

"Ivan, even though you're a pain in the rear at times," Navi sighed, "We're fortunate that we got you, as opposed to someone else."

Ivan blinked, "What?"

"Oh, Ivan," Navi chuckled. "You idiot."

"Yeah," Link sighed. "Uh-huh. Now that the moral of the chapter is over with, can we get on our way?"

"Sure thing," Navi said. "Just hop in the boat and—"

"So this place, too, has been attacked by Ganon—augh! D-D-DORF!" Ivan vibrated. "Could he already be regaining his power?"

"Oh, not again!" Navi groaned.

"Rito turds," Link sighed.

"Link, you must get the remaining pearl!" Ivan turned to Link. "It lies in a place northwest of here. We must set sail immediately!"

"Ivan, that's what we were trying to do, before you interrupted us," Link explained.

"Inte-inter-interpuppted?" Ivan blinked.

"Hey! He managed to stay airborne this time!" Navi exclaimed. "That's quite the accomplishment. Well, for Ivan, that is."

"Really?" Ivan asked.

"Yes, Ivan," Navi smiled. "Really."

"What does airborne mean?" Ivan asked.

Navi face palmed.

"Whatever," Link sighed. "Let's just get going. I'm getting bored, and there's nothing else to do here, except explore those other two small islands, but hey, there's probably nothing on them that's at all interesting: like a photo gallery place or anything. So, let's go."

"You said it, Link," Navi said.

Link hopped in the red boat.

"Hee hee~!" Ivan snickered. "He really is a frog."

"H-Hey!"

* * *

Cherry-sama: Man, I thought this chapter would be almost as long as the Rito chapter. Huh. I guess not. Also, I thought I'd mention that Bombchu Bowling Girl pointed out a grammatical error in the chapter. It has since then been fixed.

Toon Link: _(gargles)_

Link: What's with him?

Cherry-sama: He's dying because of my infrequent updates.

Ivan: That's okay, vegetable. _(hugs Cherry-sama's arm)_ You're still going to be sour.

Cherry-sama: …whut?

Aryll: I knew it. The seagulls are driving everybody insane. SEAGULLS! _(chases after them)_


	11. Chapter 8: The Pirates are Ninjas Part 1

**Chapter 8! (And now, back to the pirate gang!)**

**Disclaimer: I do not own any game out of the Legend of Zelda series. Despite how awesome they all are. I also don't own the numbers from Lost, or anything else. For if I did…my mother would say~**

* * *

Cherry-sama: Hi! And welcome back!

Toon Link: You are the master of irregular updates.

Cherry-sama: Eh heh heh… Sorry about that. And also, this chapter is going to be split in two. Just sayin'.

Toon Link: You suck, you know that?

Aryll: _(reads over script)_ Hey! I look like a bad guy in this chapter!

Cherry-sama: No duh. You don't do the intros or the endings properly. What do you expect?

Aryll: _(points bazooka at head)_

Cherry-sama: Uhh… Without further ado, chapter eight, folks!

* * *

"Say, Navi?" Link asked.

"What now?" Navi groaned. "Can't you see I'm busy working on my tan?"

"How's Ivan doing?" Link asked. "I haven't heard a peep out of him since we left the Forest Haven."

"That's not true," Navi corrected. "You haven't heard a word out of him ever since you fed the last fishman."

* * *

Flashback to offscreen!

"'Ahoy there, small fry!" the fishman said.

"FISHY!" Ivan hugged the fishman.

Flashforward to onscreen!

* * *

"Oh yeah…" Link scratched his head. "I guess that's true."

"Told you so," Navi huffed.

"Well, whatever," Link sighed. "Can you check on him for me? He's been so quiet that it's beginning to worry me."

"Alright, alright," Navi sighed.

Link stopped the boat. Navi flew into the mouth of it. There was a pause.

"Dude," Navi's voice echoed. "I think he's dead?"

"He's _dead?_" Link blinked.

"Yeah, he's not moving," Navi said. "Well, this saves us the trouble of finding Saria."

"Wait, who is Saria, and why are we trying to find her?" Link asked.

"Don't you remember?" Navi groaned. "Saria's Ivan's old Kokiri, and by the sounds of things, she's still out there somewhere. We've got to find Saria so that we can give Ivan to her, and we can finally be rid of the guy! Well, that was the plan. Until Ivan died."

"How come every chapter so far consists of you plotting to get rid of Ivan from our team?" Link sighed. "Come on, he's not _that _bad."

"Silence. Now help me find a proper place to dispose the body," Navi said.

Navi reemerged with Ivan in her arms. Ivan twitched.

"Navi, he's not dead," Link sighed. "He's just sleeping."

"You call one twitch 'asleep'?" Navi asked.

Ivan began to snore.

"All the excitement yesterday must have taken a lot out of him," Link said.

"Grr…" Navi grumbled. "Ivan, wake up! You gave us a bit of a fright there!"

"A fright?" Link blinked. "I thought you wanted the guy dead."

Navi began slapping Ivan repetitively across the face.

"Ivan! Wake up!" Navi hissed.

"Tee hee~…" Ivan giggled.

Ivan rolled over in his sleep, and Navi almost dropped him.

"IVAN! WAKE UP!" Navi yelled.

"Huh? Whuuut?" Ivan blinked.

"You looked like you were dead for a second there!" Navi huffed. "Don't ever scare us like that again."

"Oh… Okay…" Ivan yawned.

Link blinked. Man, women were confusing.

"Just…five…more…minut…" Ivan flew to the boat head.

"No!" Navi grabbed his arm. "You are staying awake until nightfall, and that's final!"

Ivan yawned, "Okay…Navi…"

"And to make sure you don't fall asleep again," Navi said, "You are going to sit on Link's shoulder."

"Wait, what?" Link asked.

"Poke him if he ever falls asleep again," Navi told Link. "Got it?"

"But I—" Link began.

"Good."

Navi flew into Link's hat. Link looked at Ivan on his shoulder. Ivan was about to fall forward from his drowsiness. Link poked him in the stomach.

"Hey," Link said. "You can make it until nightfall. I think."

"Oh…okay…" Ivan muttered. "Hee…hee…hee…dorf…"

Link paused. He sighed, and set sail once more.

* * *

Link sailed along and poked Ivan occasionally, to stay on Navi's good side. Link could tell when Ivan was drifting off when he'd mutter little snippets of nothing to himself. A couple of those phrases bounced around in Link's head as he sailed: "Saria…no more cheese whiz—", "not the bumble bee…not the bumblebee—", and "since when has the sky…been…purple?" Link would have found himself mildly alarmed by all this if all dreams people had weren't as random as Ivan's. Link shuddered to himself upon remembering that one nightmare where the Chu Chus ate his socks for breakfast. THE HORROR!

It was almost nightfall when Link got within proximity of the island he was heading to. Well, the one marked on the map. By Ivan. Somehow. Link sighed. Just because Ivan's O.N.A. led them _once _to a place where Navi could get rid of him, didn't mean that it would happen a second time.

However, as Link arrived at the spot, he noticed something peculiar. Something about the island didn't seem quite right. There were cliff sides everywhere, with randomly scattered patches of grass. Boats were up in trees, and broken wood planks floated idly in the waters. Link paused. In all honesty the place looked like it had been torn apart. As if some evil forces had ripped the island limb from limb. Either that, or the goddesses got lazy with their island decorating.

And it didn't help that it was raining.

All at once, Ivan perked up, and began jittering.

"Look, Link!" Ivan exclaimed. "Do you see it? ...What has happened to this place?"

"Well, it looks like it was ruined, for one thing," Link said. "But apart from that…"

"Do you know what this means?" Ivan exclaimed.

Link nodded, "Yup."

Link began taking Pictographs.

Navi flew outside, "Huh? Whu?"

Link raised an eyebrow, "Navi, did you fall asleep after nagging Ivan not to?"

"Erm…uh…_no_…" Navi's eyes darted around suspiciously. "Whoa! What happened to this place?"

"I'd say that it's been ruined," Link explained.

Link snapped another Pictograph.

"So…you're taking…Pictographs?" Navi blinked.

"Oh, Navi, you can't possibly hope to understand," Link shook his head. "The pose…the drama! The way the island has been ripped limb by limb by some evil forces! It's so…"

"Inspiring?" Navi said.

"That's the word," Link smiled.

There was an awkward pause. Link used this time to keep snapping.

"Oh, crap," Link groaned. "I've run out of Pictograph space. Quick. Navi. Which one of these pictures looks the least inspirational?"

Link held the Pictobox up to Navi, and flipped through the pictures for her. Navi sighed.

"Hey…wait…" Navi paused, "Is that Ivan gargling in the water?"

Link looked down to see Ivan snoring in the waves.

"He's really tired," Link said, "and has been for the entire trip over here. I'm not surprised that he fell asleep like that."

Link picked Ivan up with his empty hand.

"I guess you're right," Navi sighed. "And the sun has almost set, so I guess its only fair to let him rest."

"…It's…peanut…butter…jelly…time…" Ivan mumbled in his sleep.

Navi blinked, "What?"

"Okay, Ivan," Link said, "nighty night."

Link smooshed Ivan at the mouth of the boat's head. Link hoped that he didn't squish Ivan in the process. But soon Link heard the faint echoings of fairy snores, and felt more at ease by this finding.

Link circled the island a couple of times and got a couple more Pictographs that he liked. However, he had to delete two others in order to let the new ones in. Stupid three Pictograph limit.

Link circled the island a couple more times, and eventually found a patch of sand in which he could dock. By this time, Link had assumed that Ivan was fast asleep, and decided not to bother him.

"... Wh-What is the meaning of this?" Ivan zipped out of the front of the boat.

"Ack!" Link jumped. "You're asking me? What about _you!_? I thought you were napping!"

Navi sighed, "O.N.A. knows no bounds."

"The island..." Ivan's O.N.A. gasped. "It is..."

"Something that you are too emotionally attached too?" Link asked.

"...We are too late," Ivan fell to his knees on the sand. "I knew we had precious little time, but I never suspected how little... A great water spirit named Jabun once lived here, but no sign of him remains..."

Link lazily lifted his arms in the air, "_Hooray_…"

"Link!" Navi nudged Link in the side.

"Navi, what's the point in being remorseful?" Link asked. "It's obviously implied by Ivan's O.N.A. that Jabun is dead. It's not like we can really do anything about it, now can we?"

"Still!" Navi hissed. "There's no reason to be insensitive!"

Navi picked Ivan up, and put him in the head of the boat.

"There," Navi huffed. "Now hopefully he'll stay there."

"Ho, there!" a nearby voice said.

Link turned around to see Quill flying up behind them. Quill grinded to a halt, and stopped right in front of Link. Before any of them could say anything, Quill gulped, and held up his hand.

"Link! I am not your enemy!" Quill proclaimed.

"Again?" Link sighed. "Why are you trying so hard to convince me that you are on my side? It's not like I've run up to you and attacked you, right?"

"Well, yes…" Quill gulped. "I suppose that's true. It's just that…"

"Just?" Link raised an eyebrow.

"Your sister… She…"

Link groaned, "Oh."

"Wait, what?" Navi piped up. "What about his sister? Can someone explain what's going on here?"

Quill began to shake, "It'll all began one day, when I was getting the letters from Outset…"

* * *

It was a nice, quiet day, I remember. I could hear the gentle summer breeze blow through the grass, flutter the leaves about, and I could hear a faint ticking noise not too far away. No seagulls, though. I wondered why that was. But I put this thought aside so I could begin to go about my work.

Unaware, I opened up the Postbox, and began collecting all the letters. Letters from Sue Belle addressed to Linda. A man by the name of Mesa asking for a renewal of his Gardener's Obsession Magazine subscription. And some man named Issun sending a letter to a woman named Cindy, and scribbled drunkenly 'I'm sorry for burning your house down' all over the envelope. Nothing out of the ordinary.

However, I soon noticed the letter sitting on top of the entire stack. And what stood out about this letter in particular was the fact that it was addressed to me! It read, in rather messy writing, mind you, 'To the Postman'.

"Hmm… What's this?" I asked.

My curiosity got the better of me. I tore open. I peered closely at the scribbled text. It was almost illegible, I tell you.

Unwittingly, I read the letter aloud, "…'Die…seagull…scum'…"

I read it once. I read it twice. No matter how many times I read it, I couldn't convince myself that it was true. I looked for a return address—nothing. It was then I noticed…

"Oh, look," I said aloud, "there's a parcel attached as well."

I picked it up, and heard that it was the source of that faint ticking noise. And then…

* * *

"KA BOOM!" Quill flung his arms open to create an effect.

Both Link and Navi stared at Quill with wide eyes.

Navi's eyes widened, "Oh wow. I'm beginning to find this sister of yours quite frightening, Link."

Link face palmed, "_Aryll_…"

"And ever since that day…" Quill sighed, "I've been wracking my brains for what I could have possibly done to her or your family that could have made her upset. I later found out from one of your neighbours about the little girl's delusions, but I decided it would be best to stay on your good side, as well your grandmother's."

"I am so sorry…" Link said.

"I understood then why the past ten postmen left…" Quill sighed. "It's a tough job, but someone's gotta do it."

Link groaned, "I'm going to have a talk to her about that."

"Will she even listen to you?" Navi asked.

Link sighed, "Probably not, but it's the thought of nagging her ear off that counts."

"Ah."

"So, Quill…" Link paused. "Is there any reason you felt like flying to this island in the first place?"

"Apart from telling us horror stories about Link's little sister?" Navi added.

"Yes, actually," Quill nodded, "there is."

Link gasped, "Wait…are you here…to take Pictographs…too?"

"Pardon?" Quill blinked.

"Alas! Another Pictograph Lover!" Link seemed overcome with joy. "Now I have someone else to show off the beginnings of my collection to! Here. Take a look at the collection so far. I call it 'Nayru's Revenge'."

Link held up his Pictobox to Quill, and flipped Quill through the Pictographs.

"What ever happened to your previous collection: 'Still Life in the Form of the Mundane'?" Navi buzzed.

"Navi. Quiet. I'm showing Quill the collection," Link hushed.

"Actually, I've come with news on Jabun," Quill said, handing the Pictobox back to Link.

"Oh, good. Do tell," Navi said. "It's better than Link go on about Pictography."

"Awww, man!" Link sighed.

"The truth is, I've been looking for you two," Quill paused, "For quite some time, too."

"Bad turbulence?" Navi asked.

Quill nodded.

"You're seeking Jabun, correct?" Quill turned to Link.

"Yeah. I guess so. Ivan's O.N.A says we should…" Link said.

"Just making sure," Quill said. "I'm sorry to report to you that Jabun can no longer be found here."

"No, duh," Navi said. "The place's been torn to pieces."

Quill sighed, "I suppose this, too, is the work of the shadow in Forsaken Fortress."

If Link didn't know better, he could have sworn he heard Ivan yell 'DORF' in his sleep.

"But fear not!" Quill exclaimed. "Jabun was able to flee this island before it was attacked. He is in a safer abode now. Would you like to guess where that abode may be?"

"In the Bahamas?" Link asked.

"No," Quill said. "...On the island where you were born. On Outset."

Link gasped dramatically and jumped a foot in the air. His eyes widened, and he almost fell over backward and fainted. Fortunately for him, he didn't.

"Link, why are you so alarmed by this?" Navi asked. "Sure, Outset is a strange place to camp out, but it's not like he pitched camp on top of Death Mountain, or anything."

"But what if— Oh right…" Link paused. "I guess Aryll's not there anymore. Okay. There's nothing to be worried about."

Link wiped his brow.

"But wait…what if there are some booby traps left over?" Link pondered.

"Link, I doubt that. Seagulls don't swim," Navi stated, "Why would she put traps in the water?"

"You never know…"

Quill shuddered and regained his composure, "Yet even if you were to go to Outset now, you would not be able to see Jabun. The cave where he hides is sealed with a mighty stone slab that repels all who try to pass it. Why, not even the pirates with their mighty ship could get in..."

"How does a water spirit, who I'm assuming is a fish right now, hoist up a rock slab to block off a cave?" Link asked.

There was a long pause.

"Or wait…" Link gasped suddenly, "Maybe Jabun takes the form of a seagull. Oh, for his sake, I hope not."

Quill gulped.

"Erm, tell me about those pirates you were talking about…" Navi asked Quill.

"Oh, yes… Erm…I must apologize, Link," Quill sighed. "I thought if anyone would know of your whereabouts, it would be the pirates. I told them this tale without so much as a thought for the consequences."

"Consequences?" Link paused. "What kind of consequences can you get from telling them that?"

Quill shrugged, "I don't know what they hoped to get, but they immediately set sail for Outset Island and tried to break into the cave."

Adventurer Link's Status:  
Attraction to Tetra Increased by 20 Points.  
Fear Increased by 10 Points.  
Manliness Decreased by 45 Points.

"...It is lucky that they could not gain entrance," Quill continued. "I have heard that they were last spotted on Windfall Island, but doing what, I do not know."

"Wow, news travels fast," Navi said. "How do you know that they aren't already on their way back to Outset by now?"

"What do you take me for? A Game Designer?" Quill asked. "I have no idea. I heard from the turtle, who heard from the frog, who heard from the fishman, who heard from the crab, who heard from the seaweed, who heard from the other fishman, who heard from Gilligan, who heard from the Skipper, who heard from Gillian, who actually saw the pirates arrive, and they all said that they arrived on Windfall ten minutes ago. So, unless you want me to ask all those people again to find out whether or not the pirates are still there, I do not know."

"Oh."

"If you wish to see Jabun, I think you'd better search for the pirates on Windfall Island," Quill said.

"Mmkay," Link nodded.

Quill took a moment to take in his surroundings.

"What an eerie isle this is..." Quill paused. "Everywhere else boasts clear skies and calm seas, but this place suffers under dark clouds and rain."

"That's why Jabun should have gone to the Bahamas," Link nodded.

"Valoo must have been right when he asked me to bring word of Jabun to you..." Quill said.

"Do you Rito ever question Valoo?" Navi asked.

"He called this island cursed..." Quill held his breath.

"Good for him."

"Navi!" Link snarled.

"I would counsel against staying here longer than you have to," Quill told Link. "...But that is your decision. I have told you of Jabun, so my task is complete!"

Quill flew off into the wind until a gust of turbulence blew him into a tree. After he collected himself, he flew away.

"Maybe all the Rito are directionally challenged to some extent," Link pondered.

"Perhaps. Maybe. Whatever," Navi sighed. "What do we do now?"

"Go to Windfall?" Link suggested.

"Why?"

Link shrugged.

"Gah," Navi sighed, "If only Ivan wasn't asleep, then we could go to him for an O.N.A. or something!"

"I thought you hated O.N.A." Link pointed out.

"Of course I do," Navi said. "It destroyed my fandom. Because of it, everyone hates me. And for what? Getting diseased. Why I outta—"

"Yet you want to go to Ivan for help," Link paused.

"Link, Ivan is the one fairy I've seen with O.N.A. that actually makes him sound smarter," Navi said. "Not only that, his O.N.A. isn't nearly as annoying. He actually gives us good advice sometimes!"

"Well, Quill just told us to go to Windfall," Link said. "And he told us not to hang around here very long. Couldn't we just go talk to him instead of bothering Ivan?"

"Couldn't we just skip all this and head to Forsaken Fortress and save your sister while Ivan's asleep?" Navi asked.

"Good point."

* * *

Hours of sailing later…

"WHY THE HECK ARE WE AT WINDFALL!" Navi yelled.

"To consult Lenzo, of course," Link nodded. "At least _someone_ can appreciate my Pictographs."

"Didn't he steal your last collection?"

"There's a first time for everything," Link said.

Link pulled his boat up onto the shores of Windfall. Right next to the pirate's ship. Which was conspicuously pulled up right in front of the jail. Mmm… Subtly…

"I can't believe you!" Navi yelled. "Isn't your sister locked away at the most northern reign on the map? Fighting terrible monsters as we speak?"

"Probably," Link shrugged. "But Aryll can take care of herself. Her whole getting thrown in jail thing was kinda her fault anyway."

"BAH!" Navi let out. "You are the worst adventurer ever!"

"Shut up! Already knew that," Link sighed.

* * *

However, Link decided to see Lenzo instead of advancing the plot. Link gleamed upon the shop with complete satisfaction.

"The Camera Shop?" Navi groaned. "Are you seriously going there?"

"Of course. I already told you I would," Link grinned. "Besides, maybe the pirates are in here!"

"No! Link!" Navi protested. "Why would they raid a camera shop? Come back here!"

Link slammed the door behind him.

"…Fine then!" Navi huffed. "I'll just wait outside."

Navi got comfortable leaning up against a large splinter.

* * *

When Link came inside, Lenzo took a step back in his surprise.

"My assistant, Link!" Lenzo gasped.

"Hey! Lenzo! Look at my latest collection!" Link exclaimed. "I call it 'Nayru's—"

"Allow me a brief query," Lenzo paused.

"But I just went across three squares of ocean to show you—" Link protested.

"Do you perchance know about pictographs with colour?" Lenzo asked.

Link's jaw dropped and hung open. He began to drool.

"I have researched this concept for many years, and at long last I understand it!" Lenzo exclaimed. "A stronger light is needed to imbue—assistant, please stop drooling on the carpet."

Link wiped his mouth, "Sorry."

"Anyways…as I was saying…" Lenzo paused. "A stronger light is needed to imbue colour in the pictograph. No normal light will do. In fact, normal light must be overcome! Colour pictography requires a light of the very brightest intensity!"

Link lifted his arms enthusiastically in the air, "I have been enlightened!"

"Now, I have heard tales of a mythical creature in the place called the Forest Haven," Lenzo continued. "It is said to be the tiniest of creatures, one that unleashes an otherworldly light… As an aid to me and my research, could you possibly use an empty bottle to capture one of those creatures of legend?"

Link looked in his inventory. He gazed upon his bottle fragments. That's it. He needed another bottle.

"I will find one!" Link exclaimed.

"That's the spirit, my assistant!" Lenzo smiled.

"And I will not rest until I have gotten one into my camera!" Link yelled with fierce determination.

"Yes! Go forth!" Lenzo clapped. "Make me proud, Link!"

"I shall!" Link said.

Link burst through the door, and almost blew it off with his explosive confidence. Navi didn't recognize him when he exited. Navi flew over to him.

"That was faster than I expected," Navi said.

Link had a look of fierce determination in his eye, "…_Must…find…firefly_…"

"What are you on about?" Navi sighed.

Link spun around, "Lenzo said that there's a firefly in Forest Haven that allows colour in Pictographs, and if I can just search the Great Sea for a bottle then—"

"Oh no, you don't!" Navi grabbed onto Link's collar. "We are going to go find those pirates, and that's final!"

"But colour Pictography—" Link whimpered.

"Go!" Navi demanded.

* * *

Link wandered back to his boat, lacking of any direction. He pondered maybe actually heading out to Forsaken Fortress, and take advantage of Ivan's slumbering state. But before Link could hop in the boat, Ivan flew out of the head of the lion man boat.

"LISTEN!" Ivan blurted out.

"Oh hey," Link yawned. "He's up."

"And a bit of a delayed reaction too…" Navi paused.

"It is just as the postman told us," Ivan twitched wildly. "The pirate ship has stopped here to avoid drawing the attention of the townsfolk..."

"Um… 'Avoid'?" Link pointed to the blatantly obvious pirate ship.

Ivan continued, "I know not what they are researching, but if they…ZZZZZ…"

Ivan face planted in the sand and began to snore.

"Holy crap, he must be tired," Navi paused. "First interrupting O.N.A. …now, he fell asleep during an attack? He's setting records left and right!"

"Who knew?" Link asked. "A prodigy in O.N.A. right in front of us."

Ivan hiccuped in his sleep without waking.

"I think you just butchered the word prodigy by saying Ivan was one," Navi paused.

"Sorry."

"ZZZZ… Sea…monkeys…" Ivan groaned.

"Alright, little buddy," Link sighed. "Good night. Again."

Link stuffed Ivan into the boat's mouth.

"Shall we head out?" Navi asked.

"I thought we were going to find the pirates," Link pointed out.

"Well, I've changed my mind!" Navi groaned. "You've procrastinated saving your sister long enough!"

"Still, there's that third pearl," Link shrugged. "Maybe something good will happen when we get it."

"What, you mean the plot?" Navi asked.

"Yeah," Link nodded. "Maybe whatever Ivan's O.N.A. is guiding us too is a good thing. Maybe we should listen to him."

"Or _maybe_ we should save your sister!" Navi huffed.

"I still wanna go see the pirates," Link sighed.

"Is this about that stupid pirate girl?" Navi groaned.

"N-No! Well, yes. Kinda," Link looked away. "It's the green eyebrows…they, uh, distract me and—"

"Uh huh," Navi sighed.

Adventurer Link's Status:  
Honesty decreased by 15%.  
Embarrassment increased by 15%.  
Blood content in cheeks increased by 25%.

"Whatever!" Link exclaimed. "So I find her a little interesting. Let's get on with it."

"'_Interesting_'," Navi quoted.

Link groaned, "What did I just say?"

"Sorry," Navi rolled her eyes.

"Now, lets go find those pirates, and get that last pearl," Link huffed. "Then we can go and do whatever the heck we want. Like find my sister."

"Actually, finding Saria is on the top of the priority list right now," Navi pointed out.

Link gave Navi an unimpressed look.

"…But, I suppose we can go pirate hunting if you so desire," Navi sighed.

"Thank you."

* * *

After about half an hour of searching around, Link discovered that the door to the bomb shop was mysteriously…_locked_… Link banged on the door, and got a prompt 'Shhh!' in response. So, Link took a route to the back of the shop, which he had discovered while doing the Killer Bee side quest. Fortunately, that way was not blocked off.

Link crawled inside to find all the pirates in the shop. Link peered around. Well, minus Niko. Where ever that guy was.

Gonzo, who Link only knew as 'the big pirate', was finishing up tying up the owner of the shop. The owner squirmed and squirmed, but his bonds held tight. Some of the pirates couldn't help but snigger.

"Look, don't be mad at us!" Gonzo chuckled, "It's not our fault that we absolutely gotta have bombs to get the treasure we're after!"

The bomb shop owner blinked. Gonzo indicated over his shoulder where Tetra sat, purring like a demonic kitten. The bomb shop owner's eyes widened.

Gonzo coughed, "How about you just think of it as payback for the nasty little monopoly you've been running here, yeah?"

"I love that game," Nudge sighed.

"Huh? Whuu?" Gonzo blinked.

"Nothing," Nudge stared off into space.

To back up Gonzo's previous statement, Mako walked up to the bomb owner and pointed at him.

"So, I bet you're thinking it was foolhardy to ask pirates to pay such an outrageous price, huh?" Mako smiled. "Yup. I bet you are."

"Oh yeah!" Tetra laughed.

A nervous giggling rippled over the pirate gang.

Mako turned to Gonzo, "...You know, Gonzo, I still can't get over that bit of fast talking you pulled to get that information out of the postman!"

"Huh?" Gonzo paused. "...Oh! Oh, yeah! That was smooth. (Way to change the topic, Mako…) I tell you, the minute I set my eyes on that Link. I just knew he was hiding something back at Outset, yeah?"

Link shuffled about on the higher boards in annoyance. He hoped that some dust bunnies would fall on Gonzo's head, but none of them were brave enough to do so.

"So when I saw that postman, I just pretended like I was all worried about the kid and stuff..." Gonzo smirked. "And presto! He spills the beans!"

"Good work, Gonzo!" Mako patted Gonzo on the back. "Really! Just top notch! It's funny though... I'm thinking this is maybe the first time you've shown such wit... Such cunning..."

Link noticed that Gonzo straightened up confidently every time his ego got stroked.

"...You know with your cunning and Miss Tetra's smarts..." Mako smiled. "If you two got married and had a kid... ...That kid would be the greatest pirate to ever sail the seas! Yup! The greatest!"

Gonzo deflated. An eerie silence fell over the boards Link and Navi were perched on.

"You idiot!" Gonzo whispered harshly, "Keep your mouth shut, yeah? Don't be so stupid! Miss Tetra! Are you listening to this nitwit? I'm mu-much too old for you, yeah?"

Mako adjusted his glasses, "Actually, this is a Japanese videogame, so you can technically get away with it…"

Gonzo turned an even brighter red, "Can't you dock him some pay or something?"

Tetra did not look impressed, "Quit goofing off, both of you! Keep your childish jokes to yourselves and get those bombs back to the ship! The second you're done loading them up, we're setting sail for Outset Island!"

"Whaaat! Miss!" Gonzo protested. "We have to leave immediately?"

"And don't you remember what happened _last_ time we set foot on that Outset Island place?" Senza asked. "A gigantic animal monster attacked some of the townsfolk! Last time it was a bird, but who knows what it could be next! We don't want to send some giant Octopus on the people there, do we?"

"And it's been so long since we were on shore!" Gonzo added. "We need to fill our bellies with some good eating, yeah? How about we grub tonight and shove off tomorrow morning instead?"

All the pirates made sounds of agreement. Tetra glared at them. Link was half expecting her to pull up and start stroking an invisible cat or something.

"I mean... Uh, I-I'm fine either way, of course!" Gonzo stuttered. "Whatever you say is fine, Miss, is what I mean to say! ...It's just that the boys were so excited to come to town, yeah? And I can't help but think it would be awful hard on them to leave so soon without a proper layover."

"Stop talkin' about us like we ain't here," Senza snapped.

Zuko nodded.

"Shut up!" Gonzo snapped. "You're all just 'ere for decoration!"

"Ohhh… I don't like being a decoration…" Nudge sniffled.

Navi raised an eyebrow, "Talk about Déjà vu…"

"Maybe the Killer Bees will grow up to be pirates," Link added in a whisper.

"So, what say we sail tomorrow, yeah?" Gonzo smiled nervously. "What do you say, Miss? That treasure isn't going anywhere! You're with me, right, boys? Who's for a night of fun?"

None of the pirates spoke. Some tumbleweed blew by. Zuko grabbed the tumbleweed and threw it back outside.

"…Guys!" Gonzo said in a whisper. "A little _help_ here."

"But we're just here for decoration," Mako said.

"Why you—" Gonzo growled.

"You're all fools, do you know that?" Tetra huffed.

Gonzo stood up straighter.

Tetra sighed, "Jewelry is not something that you can expect to be there tomorrow. Who knows what will happen to that pearl if we don't hurry! Why, I once saw a shiny bracelet on sale for twenty rupees on Windfall… And the next day…it was GONE!"

"Miss, I don't think you can really compare those two situations…" Gonzo paused.

"Besides… You saw that demolished island! You saw the senseless destruction. We have to hurry on to Outset, or the same thing could happen there!"

"But what about the Octopus?" Senza asked.

"Huh?" Mako blinked. "Not to be disrespectful, but by the sound of things, you're more worried about that island than the treasure, Miss…"

"Don't be ridiculous!" Tetra hissed. "You know I want the treasure!"

"Yes, yes, sorry Miss," Mako quavered in fear. "I'm sorry to question you, Miss…"

"Excellent," Tetra grinned evilly.

Link paused. He wasn't really sure what just happened there. Next thing he knew Tetra had spotted him and Navi, and instead of pointing them out to the rest of the pirate gang, she instead winked at him. Mmm… could it be….canon shipping…?

"All right! Fine!" Tetra huffed. "Have it your way!"

"Huh?" Gonzo blinked. "But Miss, I thought you said… I thought we…"

"We can leave tomorrow, you big babies," Tetra groaned. "But we're setting sail at first light, so no sleeping in! Understood?"

"What about your bedtime, Miss?" Senza asked.

"To heck with my bedtime!" Tetra hissed. "I'm going to pull an all-nighter, got it?"

Senza sighed, "I was looking forward to telling you a story… I worked on this one all week. This one is about a dog and some dancing monkeys—"

"ALL-NIGHTER!" Tetra yelled.

"Aye-aye…" all the pirates quivered.

One by one, the pirates made their leave, until Mako and Gonzo were the only ones left.

"Quick! Quick! She's gone!" Gonzo whispered. "Put some of them back!"

Link peered over the edge a little bit just in time to see Mako put some bombs back on the shelves again. The two pirates turned to the tied up guy.

"We're very, very sorry for all of this," Gonzo bowed.

The Bomb Shop owner's muffled reply did not sound impressed.

"We would let you go," Mako explained, "But then the Miss would be _waaay_ too suspicious."

The owner glared spitefully at them. They both bowed apologetically again, and then hurried to the door.

"Hey, Gonzo, what was today's password, again?" Mako turned to Gonzo.

"Mako! Are you serious? You always forgot! It's those cursed numbers again!" Gonzo huffed. "The ones that always seem to make our ship crash into things!"

"Are you sure the numbers are really the blame for all that?" Mako asked.

Gonzo nodded.

"Now that you mention it…" Mako paused. "We have crashed the hull into more things when the password is those numbers…"

"I'm tellin' ya! They're cursed!" Gonzo shuddered.

"Cursed numbers, eh?" Mako adjusted his glasses.

The pirates took their leave.

"Cursed numbers, eh?" Navi stroked her chin.

Way to repeat the line there.

"Wah!" Link jumped back. "The roof spoke!"

"Hey! What did I say about the running gags?" Navi huffed.

"Wha?" Link blinked. "Running ga—?"

Sorry… They're just so…

"What the heck is going on?" Link's jaw hung open. "Sure, in our contract it says that there is going to be a narrator who will narrate everything we do, and we're supposed to ignore it and all, but now the narrator's responding to us!"

"I guess no one's told you," Navi sighed. "That there is the intercom. Well, obviously you can see it, but it's never been mentioned on set in this fanfic. The intercom is the voice of the authoress/narrator, and she plans on inserting this character into every Water Temple Chapter in the Totally Series."

I still don't know how you know that.

Navi rolled her eyes, "And since this game doesn't have a water temple, she's basically using this 'get the bombs' side quest thingy as a replacement."

Again: how do you know that?

"Magic," Navi rolled her eyes.

Link stood there, speechless.

"So wait, she went back to being the narrator again?" Link blinked.

Erm. Yes. Narrating is my _main_ job.

"And now you're speaking to us!" Link paused.

Yes. Link wriggled around hesitantly. See, this was a lot less confusing when I used the bolded and bracketed format. Link stood up.

"What format?" Link asked.

**(This format, dummy.)**

"Holy Cyclos gusts, that's weird!" Link jumped in the air.

I know. That's why I ditched it in the intro chapter. Now the narration is all in proper formatting—without the bolds and brackets.

Link paused, "If that the case, then when can we tell when you're speaking to us, and when you aren't?"

I dunno. Whenever? And stop staring at me like that.

"Link's right. That is confusing," Navi said.

Hey. I'm just going to be in this one chapter. After this I'm going back to being the narrator.

Navi rolled her eyes, "Like you did that in the last fic."

Shut up! I'm making personal goals here!

"How many of your personal goals do you actually fulfill?" Navi asked.

…That's not the point. And Link, what have I told you about the staring?

"I-I'm sorry," Link gulped. "This is all just a little weird. And hey, if you're an intercom, then how can you tell when I'm staring at you?"

Uhhhh… Erm…. Guess what, Link! You have mail! Now hurry up and go outside.

"Sweet," Link chuckled. "I have mail."

"Din, you're easily distracted," Navi sighed.

And with that Link jumped down and walked out the door without managing to break anything. Impressive!

"Thanks."

You're welcome.


	12. Chapter 8: The Pirates are Ninjas Part 2

Link peered outside and saw that, indeed, the Postbox was wriggling for him.

"Sweet! She was right! I do have mail!" Link said.

Of course I'm right. I'm the authoress.

"I've gotta have you around more often," Link nodded. "That way I can always know when I have mail."

J-just for m-mail? You make me feel sad inside…

"Hey, at least you're doing something useful," Navi huffed. "Now, Link, hurry up and get the letter so we can get on with our lives."

Link rolled his eyes, "Okay, okay…"

'Gooood eeeevening!'

"Good evening," Link smiled. "How have you been, lately?"

"Link. It's a postbox. I don't think you're supposed to have conversations with it," Navi huffed.

"There's no need to be rude," Link said.

'Letters for Link: We have 1 letter!' the Postbox said, 'Here is your letter.'

With that, the Postbox spat the letter into Link's hands.

Link smiled, "Thank you."

"…Eww…" Navi shuddered. "I still think that that's disgusting…"

Your face is disgusting. And before Navi could come up with a proper retort, the authoress narrated that Link opened the letter. For some reason, it was written in extremely large font…

'_If you wish to be a true swordsman… find some Knight's Crests! And return to me!  
Orca'_

"…This sounds like a scam…" Link paused. "Is this even Orca's handwriting?"

"Here, let me see that," Navi huffed.

Navi grabbed the letter.

"And you, Miss Narrator!" Navi pointed to the intercom.

Yes?

"Go and make yourself useful!" Navi said. "Find out the password for the pirate ship!"

Huh? But I'm the authoress. I already know what it is—

"Shut up and just go!"

The narrator left.

"You did not!" Navi said.

The narrator left in a way that Navi found convincing.

"That's not going to work!"

Hey, do you know how hard it is to manage a story when you're not even there?

"Either that or stop talking for a while!" Navi huffed. "You're very distracting! And do you _know_ how hard it is to keep this Link's mind on the right track?"

Actually, yes. Yes I do.

"Now just do your job properly before Link—oh crap, where is he?" Navi groaned.

He's right ther—oh wow, he is gone. Oops.

"Great, now I've got to go and find him!" Navi huffed.

Navi tossed the letter aside and flew off calling out Link's name. She finally managed to find him standing by the door of the Café.

"There you are," Navi huffed. "If the narrator hadn't made such a quick transition, I never would have found you."

"Wait, what?" Link blinked. "And hey! What happened to my letter?"

Navi shrugged, "Dunno."

"But that was my mail!"

"Whatever."

Link grumbled bitterly and kicked a conveniently placed rock.

"Besides, what are you doing here?" Navi asked.

"The pirates said that they were going to the Café to party all night," Link said. "I was hoping to get free booze."

"In a Zelda game? HA!" Navi laughed. "My Link couldn't even get free milk in the previous fic!"

"Well, I can't get in, anyway," Link sighed. "There's a sign on the door that says 'Closed all night for pirate party'."

"So?" Navi asked. "All it is is a sign on a door. Can't you just open it anyway?"

"It's locked too."

"Then why not break it down?" Navi asked. "It's the _manly_ thing to do, isn't it?"

"Meh," Link shrugged. "Don't feel like it."

Navi's rage was but a gargle of noises.

"Nice to see that the narrator's doing her job again," Link said.

…

"Link, just ignore her," Navi said. "She'll probably shut up after a while if we do."

Lightening crackled menacingly in the background.

"See? It's working already," Navi nodded.

A bolt struck a nearby building, which effectively set it on fire.

"Wow, that was close," Navi said.

"Heh," Link chuckled. "Imagine what would have happened if it had hit the Café. It'd serve those pirate jerks right, not letting me into their party and all."

"Link!" Navi smacked Link's head. "We're not here on Windfall to party with pirates! We're here to do something productive!"

"Didn't we come here to see what the pirates were up to?" Link asked. "We've satisfied my curiosity, and I don't really care what they do after this."

"Link, we are going to get that last pearl, and that's final!" Navi huffed. "And I don't care if we have to break the door down in that pirate ship, but we are going to get those bombs to get that dang pearl! Plus, I miss having explosives."

Link blinked a couple times.

"Are we clear?" Navi asked. "Or do I have to pull a Random Owl, and repeat what I just said again?"

"Okay, okay," Link groaned. "We'll go get the bombs and get that pearl. I just don't understand why you're so insistent about it…"

Navi sighed, "Look, I'm sorry, okay? I just hate it when nobody's doing anything useful."

"I've noticed."

"Augh!" Navi grumbled bitterly, "Just go already!"

Link rolled his eyes, and headed to the pirate ship. Which was parked right next to the cliff by the jail. Mmm… Link loved the smell of irony.

"I do?" Link blinked.

Yes. You do. Ahem. Link jumped onto the deck of the boat with relative ease. He began to explore to see if anything of interest had changed. Sadly, nothing was immediately apparent, and as a result, he lost his interest. Curious as to what was happening below deck, Link headed to the door leading there. Unfortunately, when Link hit the A button to open the door, it spoke to him instead.

"4 8 15 16 23 42! 4 8 15 16 23 42! 4 8 15 16 23 42! 4 8 15 16 23 42! 4 8 15 16 23 42! 4 8 15 16 23 42! 4 8 15 16 23 42! 4 8 15 16 23 42! 4 8 15 16 23 42! 4 8 15 16 23 42! 4 8 15 16 23 42! 4 8 15 16 23 42!" it said.

Link raised an eyebrow, "Now that's just weird."

"Wait…" Navi paused. "I remember this… It's…it's…it's…!"

"It's what?" Link blinked.

"A RUNNING GAG!" Navi bellowed.

Navi attempted to tear down the door in her rage, but the game design wouldn't let her.

"4 8 15 16 23 42! 4 8 15 16 23 42! Ha ha ha, sucker. 4 8 15 16 23 42! 4 8 15 16 23 42! 4 8 15 16 23 42!" it continued. "4 8 15 16 23 42! 4 8 15 16 23 42! 4 8 15 16 23 42! 4 8 15 16 23 42!"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa!" Link said. "Let's just calm down a second here, and figure out the password, okay?"

Navi kicked the door bitterly.

"Like, there has to be some reason why the numbers '4 8 15 16 23 42' keep getting repeated over and over again," Link said.

"4 8 15 16 23 42?" the door asked.

"Yes, what you said: 4 8 15 16 23 42," Link told the door.

"4 8 15 16 23 42!" the door said.

The door opened wide. Rain pattered in idly.

"Wow, I'm surprised that worked," Navi said.

Link raised both eyebrows, "I'm not going to ask."

Link stepped inside.

* * *

An empty hallway greeted him.

"Well, umm," Navi paused. "I expected that we'd find that annoying pirate guy hiding behind the door or something."

"That's kinda weird," Link said.

"Maybe the door is alive…" Navi said in a hushed whisper.

"Oh come now, Navi, do you really believe that?" Link asked.

The door chuckled behind them.

"Like that! That was just the sound of the wind and the pattering rain playing tricks on us," Link nodded.

"Uh huh," Navi rolled her eyes.

"Anyways, knowing last time, Niko is downstairs," Link said.

"If so, then how did he get down there so fast?" Navi asked.

"The pirates are ninjas. Duh," Link nodded.

"They didn't notice us in the bomb shop," Navi pointed out.

"Do not question the ninjas, Navi," Link said. "Even now…they may be watching…"

Navi had no idea whether or not Link was pulling her leg or not. Before she could determine this, Link noticed for the first time that Tetra's room was open. Unguarded. No pirate blocking the way. Unsupervised. A wicked little grin emerged on the cell shaded boy's face.

Navi blinked, "Link, what are you…"

Link strode confidently into Tetra's room.

"H-Hey!" Navi buzzed. "Have you no sense of decency?"

"Wow… Look at all these perfume bottles…" Link gasped.

Navi flew hurriedly after Link to keep the boy from doing anything stupid.

There she saw a nice cozy room, cluttered by jewels. Jewels on the bed. Jewels on the drawer. There were even some smaller jewels balanced finely on top of the picture frames. Navi tried her best to pretend the jewels weren't there, for they were quickly becoming an eyesore. She was then able to see that there were other things in the room, such as a desk, a bed, a drawer, and three pictures in picture frames. A picture of some lady, a scribbled-on map, and a picture of some guy. Navi didn't pay much attention to it.

"I'm impressed," Link nodded. "Compared to what Tetra owns, my Grandma looks like she lives a life of poverty!"

"Link, uhh, she kinda does," Navi said.

"And what's this?" Link looked over.

Link looked up and saw a portrait of a brunette hanging above Tetra's bed. Her skin was tanned and her face—hardened. She had green eyebrows.

Link scoffed, "I could have taken a better Pictograph of that in my sleep!"

"Link, that's a painting!" Navi groaned.

"Fools!" Link huffed. "Pictography is better than painting!"

Navi gave Link an unimpressed face, "Link, Pictography has only been around for the past few years, while painting have been around for centuries. Obviously, paintings are vastly—"

"Pictography is the ultimate form!" Link yelled.

Navi sighed, and realized that she wasn't going be change Link's silly little opinion any time soon. She nodded. It was better to change the topic. Navi looked around the room for something that might hold Link's interest. Unfortunately, she didn't think Link was the kind of guy that liked jewelry, and he already had forty some Joy Pendants multiplying in his spoils bag.

Navi turned to the drawer. Tetra's underwear was probably in there. No, Navi shook her head, it was probably a bad idea to encourage Link to do that sort of thing. Navi turned to Tetra's bed. Not enough pillows for a pillow fight. Actually, pillow fights were a bad idea too, since Tetra would be able to tell that they had been snooping around her place. Navi shuddered. Something about that girl just gave Navi the creeps!

"Like, look at this, Navi!" Link huffed. "You can even see the brushstrokes! You don't see _that_ in Pictographs, now do ya?"

Right. Distractions. Navi looked around the room frantically. Perfume bottles? No. The Drawer? Bad idea. A map? Link already has one. A picture of Link? Bah, why would he care about—wait…

Navi raised an eyebrow, "…Why does she have a picture of you on her wall?"

"The lady?" Link paused. "Oh, you mean Tetra… Wait, she what?"

Link spun around, and walked over to the other painting—stepping on a couple necklaces as he did so. He gazed up an old painting of a blonde haired man in a green tunic. He leaned back and put his hands behind his head.

"That's not me," Link said. "That's the ancient hero."

Navi blinked.

Link rolled his eyes, "You know, from legend?"

There was a pause.

"Oh, _righhht_, you don't know about that," Link said. "Sorry, my mistake."

"Hmmmmm…" Navi paused.

Navi looked deeply at the painting. She squinted.

"Then how come he has your belt?" Navi asked.

Link stared at the painting closely.

"Huh… I suppose he does…" Link paused.

"Well, never mind that," Navi sighed. "I probably shouldn't have brought it up. So, Link, what's the fastest way to your island from here."

"Pretty much just head South from here," Link said.

"South?" Navi asked.

Link sighed. He walked over to Tetra's map on the wall.

"Okay, so here we are, on Windfall," Link pointed to the map. "And here's my island, here."

Link pointed near the bottom of the map.

"So, if I sail the boat in a general South West West direction," Link continued, "then we should be able to get there with the fastest time."

"Oh, okay," Navi said.

Link took a closer look at the map. He stroked his chin.

Link paused, "I wonder…"

Link leaned closer to the map, and squinted.

"Link, what are you doing now?" Navi sighed.

"Well, Greatfish Isle was destroyed when we got there, right?" Link asked.

"No duh," Navi said. "What's your point?"

"My point is…" Link paused, "that the charted out map I got from the Fishman is of the island when it was ripped apart. However, Tetra's map is different. Tetra's map looks like it was charted a long time ago, and is probably older than she is. In that case…"

"We should be able to see what Greatfish Isle looked like _before_ it was destroyed!" Navi said.

"Exactly," Link said. "Or, that's the theory, anyway… That is, if Tetra hadn't scribbled all over it already."

"Oh, right," Navi looked at the map. "What's that girl got for the Triforce, anyway?"

"Dunno," Link shrugged. "She must like forks."

Link glanced at the Greatfish Square on the map. It was hard to tell what was under it. Link pulled out his map in comparison.

"Hey! Wait a minute!" Link exclaimed. "It looks exactly the same!"

"Wait, what?"

Navi looked over Link shoulder. Sure enough, the shadowed outline of Greatfish that was showing, matched the silhouette on Link's map perfectly.

"But then this means…" Navi paused.

"That it wasn't torn apart!" Link gaped. "It looked that way to begin with!"

Navi blinked, "Erm… Link…?"

"That means that we've been lied to!" Link gasped. "Quill, everyone! They lied to us! Ganon(dorf) didn't rip the island apart! It's all a scam!"

"Link!" Navi huffed. "You're being ridiculous—"

"TETRA'S MAP HAS BLOWN MY WHOLE PERCEPTION OF REALITY!" Link screamed.

There was a long pause.

"…Okay…too much room snooping for you," Navi groaned.

"What?" Link spun around. "But I—"

Navi dragged Link outside.

Link paused for a second, "I'll never get used to that."

"I'll never get used to your smarts, either," Navi groaned. "Now, come on."

Navi began to pull the tunic-ed boy down the stairs. Link's voice made a funny sound when he bumped down each step.

"W-w-w-h-e-r-r-r-e-e-e d-d-i-i-d-d th-th-a-a-a-t-t c-c-c-o-m-m-e fr-fr-o-o-m-m?" Link jittered.

"If you hadn't looked at the map, then you never would have gotten your mind blown. So there," Navi huffed.

"Wa-wa-wa-i-i-t-t, y-y-y-y-o-u-u-u'r-r-e bl-bl-bl-a-a-m-m-m-ing-ing th-th-i-s-s a-a-ll o-o-n m-m-me n-n-o-w-w?" Link asked.

"Well, who am I supposed to blame it on? _Me?_" Navi asked.

Navi dropped Link, for they were now at their destination. Link looked up to see Niko staring him in the eye.

"Is this a bad time, swabbie?" Niko asked.

"Er, uhh…" Link chuckled. "No, no… Not at all. Erm…"

"Well, good!" Niko laughed. "So, you're alive, I see! All the other pirates said you got done in by that bird monster in the Forsaken Fortress, so I thought…"

"Me?" Link laughed. "Get done in by that old Seagull King? Are you crazy? Aryll would never allow that bird to—"

"Seagull…King?" Niko blinked.

Navi face palmed.

"Eh heh heh…" Link bit his lip. "It's a long story."

"4 8 15 16 23 42!" Niko hiccupped. "Ahem. Anyways…"

"So you were the door guard!" Link said. "Ha. Told you the pirates were ninjas."

Niko hid his katana behind his back.

"Well, you see, after you left, I went back to being the bottom rung on the ladder…which is why I'm stuck here while everyone else is in town having fun and eating and stuff..." Niko explained.

"Don't you find it kind of mean that they left you behind while they decided to drink the night away?" Link asked.

"Bah. Don't worry about it, swabbie," Niko waved his hand. "I do lookout duty a lot."

Link cocked his head, "But I thought that one other guy who doesn't speak was the…"

"Never mind that, swabbie," Niko beamed. "But... I guess being so worshiped by my swabbie ought to cheer me up!"

"Ah ha! So you are upset!" Navi let out.

"Erm… Now, about your next test!" Niko chuckled.

"A test?" Navi buzzed. "Another test? Oh come on, now, can't you just give us the bombs so we can get out of here?"

"I wonder if its sunrise yet?" Link paused.

"Nuh uh uh!" Niko waved his hand back and forth. "Before you can get approval from your great and mighty superior, me, you must first go through this!"

Niko pointed to the empty room behind him. Those strange platforms from the previous test were gone, and in their stead was an empty floor. Well, empty except for the copious amounts of crates stacked neatly there. From the ceiling hung more lanterns than ever, and some of them even moved on the spot. And the doorway by the opposing wall had a huge steel door in front of it. While Link was distracted, Niko swiped his belt buckle.

"This one is harder than the last!" Niko smiled. "You can see when there are lanterns hanging throughout the room, right? Well, last time when you pressed the switch, platforms rose up for you to jump onto, right? Yeah, well, this time there aren't any! Which means you have to jump from one rope to the next rope!"

Link paused, "How did you guys uninstall the platforms without leaving any trace of them behind?"

"Um…er…" Niko bit his lip.

Navi buzzed, "Link, stop pointing out the illogical aspects of this world!"

"Sheesh," Link said, "Sometimes I feel like my whole life is in a videogame…"

"EH-HEH-AHEM!" Niko coughed.

"Sorry."

"And that's not all!" Niko continued, "This time, I've put a gate on this door, too! The switch opens the gate, but it'll close if you don't get here before time runs out. Run out of time, and you'll have to try it again, little swabbie!"

"Again, what is the purpose of this exercise?" Link rolled his eyes.

"Be thankful that his directions actually make some sense this time," Navi sighed.

"The switch that opens the gate is in the same place as before, so go step on it! If you get all the way to this side before time runs out, I'll give you the bombs we got in town!" Niko boasted. "Yeah, you heard me! Give it your best shot, swabbie!"

"That's it. You're bored," Link groaned. "You're just bored. That's the reason you're putting me through these stupid exercises—you have nothing to do with your life!"

"Link, where'd your belt buckle go?" Navi blinked.

"Huh? _Huh?_" Link yelled.

"Swabbie, that's besides the point," Niko bit his lip.

"You know what?" Link groaned. "I'm going to beat this test without going on all the ropes, just to prove that you are not my superior!"

**Fun Fact: **You can complete this task within jumping on all the ropes. However, the only rope you're allowed to miss is the last one.

"Yeah, yeah," Niko yawned. "Sure thing, Swabbie. Just hurry it up, will you? Heh heh heh… Though has gotta be good…"

Niko pulled out some popcorn and began eating some.

"Where'd you get the popcorn?" Navi asked.

Niko shrugged, "I stole it from the narrator."

I was wondering where that bag went…

"Link, hurry up and get those bombs!" Navi groaned. "The pirates are probably on their way back from the party by now!"

"Fine, fine…" Link groaned.

Five minutes later…

"What?" Niko gasped. "You gotta be... You did it already?"

Link nodded.

"You're..." Niko gasped. "You're incredible!"

"Bwahahaha!" Link cackled. "Who's superior _now_ sucker?"

"Link, you beat a game of his own design," Navi said. "I don't think its wise to let something like this get to your head."

"This isn't good..." Niko muttered to himself. "I never even passed this test... How could he do it so quickly...? And make it look so easy? And if I give this to him, everybody will know for sure... Oh, I'll be so busted..."

"Navi, you're just jealous~!" Link smirked.

"Ugh! Stop acting like my Link!" Navi groaned. "It reminds me of him!"

"Sorry," Link rolled his eyes.

"Uh...okay!" Niko piped up. "You're the best swabbie of all time! So... I guess I'll just give you the bombs!"

"Sweet!" Link exclaimed.

"And I guess you can have this back too…" Niko blushed.

"Hey!"

Niko handed the belt buckle back to Link. DUH DUH DUH NUUUUUUHHHH! Link got his belt buckle back! He really needs to get more observant about these things… Link hurriedly put the buckle back on his dangling belt.

"Now, go on!" Niko exclaimed. "Take 'em! Just don't tell anyone, okay? I'm serious! Really serious! Okay? Okay?"

"Okay, okay!" Link said. "I get it!"

Link opened the chest and—DUH DUH DUH NUUUUUUHHHH! Link got Bombs! Hooray, for encouraging underage handling of deadly explosives! Link turned his back, and began to head out the door.

"Thanks for the bombs!" Link smiled. "But now we really must be going—"

A familiar glow rippled out of Link's pocket. Link pulled out the glowing speck of rock.

"That's mighty courageous of you..." Tetra's voice came forth, "trying to steal treasure from pirates."

"Crikey!" Niko jumped in the air. "We've been caught!"

"Settle down, Niko," Tetra sounded like she sighed. "Anyways, Link, I suppose I should be shocked... but I'm more amazed that you managed to survive after being tossed out of that tower..."

Link grinned, "It's 'cause I'm just _that_ manly."

"From the looks of things (considering that your stealing bombs instead of going back to living a peaceful life), I have to guess you haven't saved your sister yet, huh?" Tetra's voice asked.

"Eh heh heh… _Yeaaahhh…_ I'm working on it," Link sighed. "Slowly."

"You don't give things much thought, do you?" Tetra's voice groaned. "You just rush in, never thinking how badly things could go for you."

"Actually, Navi's been telling me that—" Link began.

"Like just now..." the stone said. "The only reason you got what you did was because we left a simple-minded little rat like Niko behind to look after things. No one else would have parted with our treasure so easily. I assure you!"

"That's okay," Link smiled. "I could have just beaten them at arm wrestling. Besides…what _were_ you thinking in leaving a simple-minded little rat like Niko to guard your bombs?"

"I'm still behind ya, swabbie," Niko said.

"Quiet, Niko," Link hushed.

"And just how do you intend to use those bombs, anyway?" the stone asked. "Don't tell me you're going after Jabun's treasure, too..."

"What's it to you?" Link asked.

"IT'S MINE! THAT'S WHAT!" the speck yelled. "Even though it's not as shiny as my…"

Link could have sworn he heard Tetra say Triumph Forks.

"Ahem. Anyways, right now, Jabun is hiding in a cave at the back of the island you were born on," Tetra's voice explained. "But the entrance is blocked by a giant stone doorway. You can't get in without breaking down the door."

"I already knew that," Link said.

The stone sounded confused, "What? _How?_"

Link looked around frantically, "Erm, uh… Quill, the postman from the third chapter told me. Yeah, that's it!"

"Uh huh…" the stone didn't sound convinced. "As I was saying, we're going to relax in town and eat our fill of whatever this town has to offer, but we'll be leaving for Outset first thing in the morning. If you manage to find Jabun tonight, then I guess you win. For now."

"Oh, it's still evening?" Link asked. "I could have sworn it was morning."

"But if you take too long, we'll come sailing right by you tomorrow morning. And believe me, you didn't get ALL of our bombs," Tetra's stone threatened. "You'd better be quick, kid!"

"Okie dokie," Link shrugged.

The speck of rock paused, "And…um…could I ask you to let me pet the pearl for a couple hours? Like, I mean, after you're done with it, I mean… And if you do win. Which I doubt you will…"

"I…uh…suppose?" Link blinked.

"Oh, thank you _sooo sooo_ much!" the stone sounded happy beyond belief. "Why, I could just kiss you right now—"

"Huh? Miss?" another voice came from the stone. "Whatcha doin'?"

"Erm, uh…" Tetra's voice gulped. "_Nothing…_"

Link raised an eyebrow at the speck of stone.

"Are you sure?" the voice sounded like Gonzo. "It looks like you were talking to that hunk of rock again…"

"N-No! I don't know what you're talking about!" Tetra's voice protested, then muttered: "I knew I should have made this thing smaller…"

"If you say so, Miss…" Gonzo's voice paused.

"Hey, Nudge!" Senza's voice sounded farther away. "Is it just me, or does this night seem longer than usual?"

"Hey, Miss? Are you going to finish your Zora Coffee?" Mako's voice said. "The Lady at the till said she charges refills, and my cup has been empty for a while now, so…"

"Yes," Tetra's voice said defiantly. "Yes I am going to finish this coffee."

Loud slurping sounds were heard over the gossip speck.

"Is there a way to get this thing to stop making those noises?" Link asked.

Link rattled the speck around in its flimsily tied ropes. Eventually, it turned off, somehow.

"Well, I guess we'd better get going…" Link shrugged.

"Alright then, swabbie!" Niko smiled. "See you later!"

"You too!" Link smiled. "See ya! Navi, let's go back to Outset, at long last!"

Silence greeted him.

"Navi! Come on!" Link blinked. "…Navi? Navi!"

Link turned around to see Niko trying to shove Navi in a bottle. Navi bit his finger.

"Ouch!" Niko flinched.

Link tapped his foot, "_Niko_…"

"Eh heh heh…" Niko chuckled.

Niko handed Navi to Link. Link headed out of the ship before Niko could steal anything else.

* * *

Link walked out the door, jumped off the ship and into the water. He swam to shore. Navi followed all in a tussle.

"The nerve of that guy!" Navi huffed.

"Pirate," Link corrected.

"Who does he think he is?" Navi asked. "Why I oughta—"

"Well, it's not like he actually got you in a bottle, anyways," Link sighed. "And besides, we won't be seeing him again for a while, not with the pirates wanting to take revenge for the bombs and all."

"Oh, alright," Navi groaned. "I'll let it go. Just this once. But if he tries to stuff me in a bottle again, then it's no more Miss Nice Fairy."

Navi cracked her knuckles.

Link bit his lip, "Uh-huh."

There was a pause. Link wrung out his hat.

"So…umm…" Link paused. "Now what?"

"Well, I want to head to Outset," Navi grinned. "Little Miss Pirate hoarder challenged us to a race, and I think we should take her on! And beat her royally, of course."

Link rolled his eyes, "You and your competitive side… I've got an idea. We could go back and see if the Café door's unlocked again."

"Link, stop procrastinating!" Navi huffed.

"Well, got any better suggestions?" Link rolled his eyes.

"Whoop Tetra's butt?"

"Besides that," Link groaned.

Maybe, I could be reinserted into the chapter again?

"No," Navi glared at the intercom. "There is no way in Din's Lair we are doing that."

But come on! It's Totally Tradition I can't just—Link noticed the postbox wriggling by the docks.

"See!" Navi huffed. "See how confusing that is?"

Well, that's the consequences of losing the bolded and bracketed format.

"That was annoying too!" Navi huffed.

Hey! Don't diss the prequels! A lot more people have favourited Totally Messed than this fic!

Link gasped, "Is this true?"

Yes. Yes it is.

Navi let out an irritated cry, "Why can't you use quotation marks like everyone else?"

Alright, then, I will!"

"Link rolled his eyes," "Thank you."

"That's even more confusing!" "Navi yelled."

"Hey, you wanted me to use quotation marks."

"Forgot what I said!" Navi yelled. "Just get out of this chapter already!"

Nyeh nyeh _nyaaah_… Your _face_ should get out of this chapter.

"And stop it with all the 'your face' jokes!" Navi hissed.

Navi found that she was talking to a wall.

"I am not!" she protested, but what she said was not true.

"Navi isn't facing a wall," Link joining in on the lying session.

"Oh, bah. Whatever," Navi finally gave in. "No matter what we say or do, she's just going to try and insult me anyway. Let's go."

"Hold on," Link said. "I want to grab my mail first."

"Gah!" Navi let out. "You're impossible."

Link walked over to the postbox.

'Gooood eeeevening!' the postbox said.

"Good evening to you too," Link smiled. "How was your day?"

'Gooooood!' the postbox smiled. 'What about you?'

"It was alright," Link shrugged. "I spent the majority of the time sailing, but besides that—"

"Link, stop conversing with the postbox!" Navi groaned.

"How rude!" Link huffed. "Don't _you_ converse with the postbox every time you get the mail?"

"No! I don't!" Navi let out. "Now hurry up and get your mail before I—"

"There, there, little postbox," Link patted the postbox on the head. "You're just misunderstood."

The postbox sniffled, 'L-letters for Link: We have 1 letter… H-he-ere is your letter… Boo hoo hoo hoo!'

The postbox spat the letter into Link's hands. It began to cry again. Link gave it a tissue. As the postbox blew its nose, Link opened the letter.

'_Notice from Beedle's Shop Ship!  
It's time for our semi-annual Big Chance Extraveganza! We have a new product that has burst into the scene: Bombs! We're having an extra-special sale on this choice item for a limited time only! You'll know where to find us by checking the enclosed Beedle Shop Ship Chart! Visit a Beedle Shop Ship near you today! (Offer not available in all regions.) Don't miss this HUGE opportunity!  
Beedle'_

DUH DUH DUH NUUUUUUHHHH! Link got Beedle's Chart! Now he can find Beedle's ship shop wherever he goes! …Now, the more important question is: Who is Beedle exactly?

"Augh!" Link groaned. "If only I had gotten this notice _before_ I went to see Niko. Then I could have just bought the bombs honestly, and would have nothing to do with the pirate ship!"

There was a pause.

"Are you finished yet?" Navi huffed.

"Yes, yes, I'm ready to go," Link sighed. "I'm sorry, little Postbox. But I have to leave you now."

Link gave the Postbox one last pat on the back before leaving. As he walked away, he heard the postbox erupt into a wail of tears.

'So many Love Letters…!' it let out. 'SO MANY LETTERS! Can't Garrickson just accept the fact that she JUST DOESN'T LOVE HIM?'

Link walked over to the boat. Ivan's snoring was cut short when he flew out of the mouth of the boat.

"Well done!" Ivan said. "Our preparations are complete."

"And, of course, no day would be complete without another O.N.A. session out of Ivan," Link rolled his eyes.

Ivan stroked his chin, "If what the girl says is true, the pirates won't be leaving until morning. You must meet with Jabun and get the pearl from him before they arrive. Let us delay no longer, Link!"

"You done yet?" Link asked.

"Huh?" Ivan yawned. "Whuuu?"

Ivan began to drift sleepily downward.

"I'm going to assume that's a yes," Link sighed. "Navi, put him in."

"Since when do I take orders from you?" Navi hissed.

"Just do it," Link said.

Navi picked Ivan up, and stuffed him in the red boat's mouth. With that, Navi flew into Link's hat, and Link set sail.

* * *

Cherry-sama: Another chapter finished!

Toon Link: Wait… I didn't even finish getting the pearl in this chapter! What is going on?

Cherry-sama: This chapter was getting too long.

Toon Link: What? But then—

Cherry-sama: Don't worry. You'll get the pearl in chapter 8.5…

Toon Link: 8.5?

Navi: You love splitting up your chapters, don't you?

Cherry-sama: Oh, be quiet!

_(silence)_

Cherry-sama: Soooo… We've met the entire cast of characters finally.

Navi: We've known the main cast of characters for a while already.

Cherry-sama: Okay, fine. We finally found out Quill's backstory, and now he counts as a regular character now. There? Happy?

Quill: What?

Aryll: The treasonous postman!

Quill: Ack! _(runs away)_

Cherry-sama: So, tell me, guys… Who's your favourite character so far?

Link: Who's on the list of options?

Cherry-sama: Well, obviously not you, since you're just a backstage stuntman.

Link: Ohhh… _(kicks rock)_

Cherry-sama: …Okay, okay. Fine. I'll let you on the list.

Link: Hooray!

Aryll: Seagulls! _(chases Quill)_

Quill: Ahh! _(runs away)_

Toon Link: Aryll!

Cherry-sama: So, once again, readers, who's your favourite character? It'll be interesting to find out which one is the most popular.

Navi: Pshh. That's a no brainer.

Ivan: Me!

Cherry-sama: Anyways, see you all next chapter!


	13. Chapter 8,5: Closer than the Bahamas

**Chapter 8.5 (yes! This actually constitutes as an _actual _chapter! …For some reason.)**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Legend of Zelda: Wind Waker. Nor do I own the I Love Lucy reference, or the Bahamas. I think I would be some sort of billionaire if I owned the Bahamas. And unfortunately, I am not, and I'd sooner buy the Legend of Zelda franchise from Miyamoto than purchase the Bahamas.**

* * *

Cherry-sama: And the results are in!

Navi: Took you long enough.

Link: Lemme see! _(grabs paper)_ Wait. Hold on a second. _Ivan_ is the most popular character?

Cherry-sama: With four votes…yes.

Navi: WHAT? _(snatches paper from Link) _I only got one vote! Come on!

Link: And I got third—two votes! Sweet!

Cherry-sama: I was actually quite surprised by the results. I even got two votes myself.

OC: What about me?

Cherry-sama: Shut up. You're not canon.

OC: _(ego stab)_

Cherry-sama: There were even votes for characters not in TB, like Mikau, the Sour Milk, and those two lovable Wolfos.

Toon Link: But I didn't get any, did I?

Link: Ha! IN UR FACE!

Cherry-sama: Just a note to readers, I will be keeping the poll ongoing for a while yet, but I thought I should let you guys know how it went.

Aryll: Hmm… I seemed to have faired in second place… _(strokes chin)_ Let's see how I can fix this.

Ivan: Hiii~ Is that a telescope?

Aryll: That'll work. _(points bazooka at Ivan)_

Cherry-sama: Ahhh! No! Aryll!

* * *

Rain splattered across Link's face. Collected drops dripped from his hair. The harsh winds blew across his sail, its folds rippling across the fabric. To his displeasure, this created an annoying flapping sound. However, he focused most of his concentration on the seas ahead of him, and not the sail behind.

Link noticed a light blue glow began to radiate from Link's hair. He felt two small fairy hands cling to some strands to keep from falling off. Navi had peeked out from his hat. But the wind howled and swept around them so wildly, that Link and Navi had to yell at each other to communicate.

"Gah!" Navi let out. "It feels like we've been sailing forever!"

"As does this evening," Link yelled back. "Is it just me, or does it feel like it should be morning by now?"

"Well, I suppose it does, yes," Navi replied. "And didn't Quill tell us something about a curse?"

Link paused, "Come to mention it, I think he did say something about Valoo calling this place cursed…"

"But, seriously, is it affecting the entire world?" Navi huffed. "We're nowhere _near_ Greatfish, and there has yet to be a sunrise. Anywhere. In the world. Since we set sail."

"Yes, I got that," Link said.

"Boy, Ivan must be getting the nap of his life," Navi noted. "We haven't heard a peep out of him since Greatfish."

"Say… Come to think of it…" Link paused. "I wonder how the Pirate Party is going."

* * *

"Need…more…**coffee**…" Tetra gargled, sprawled out on the floor.

* * *

"Link, stop thinking about that party!" Navi huffed. "You were never a part of it to begin wit—"

"Oh man," Link gasped. "They've been partying for hours…like, more hours that an evening usually consists of!"

"That's very nice, Link," Navi groaned, "But hurry up and get sailing."

Yeah, hurry up and get sailing.

"But I am already!" Link protested to the storm cloud.

"And whatever happened to your personal goal?" Navi pointed out.

Oh. Snap. Erm, well, uhh, this chapter _is_ chapter eight point five, so this is still technically counts as the Water Temple chapter… And—

"That settles it," Navi sighed. "Our authoress sucks at setting personal goals."

Thunder clapped ominously behind them. Abusing authoress powers for the win.

"Did anyone ever mention to you that sailing out on the ocean during a thunderstorm is really dangerous?" Navi yelled to Link. "You're going to get us electrocuted!"

"Well, its not like we have a choice, do we?" Link called back. "Besides. I've lived on Outset. I'm used to dangerous living."

"Outset is dangerous?" Navi blinked. "It looked pretty docile to me… Since when has Outset been _dangerous?_"

"Since Aryll was born," Link shrugged.

"Wait, what?" Navi buzzed.

"Oh, no wait," Link paused. "Actually, a couple years after that… About the time the war with the seagulls began…"

"Augh! _Again?_ Link, why are you so paranoid about your sister?" Navi let out. "She can't be all _that _bad! Heck, I don't see why you don't just hold your ground and defend the seagulls for a change!"

Link looked at Navi with wide eyes. The boat stopped in its tracks, and floated idly on the crashing waves.

"You know," Navi beamed. "Just to spite her! Change the tables! Help the feathered guys out for a change!"

Link gulped. He began to quiver.

"Come on! Think about it!" Navi nudged the boy. "Here. I can help you if you'd like—"

Link gulped, then spoke very, very slowly, "…My Grandpa defended the seagulls once…once."

Navi didn't say anything.

"And ever since then…" Link trembled, "I've been taking care of Grandma all by myself… Picking up the mail for her, helping her with the cleaning, make sure she takes her pills in the morning, etcetera, etcetera."

Navi stared. She barely blinked.

"And ever since that day three years ago, it's just been so hard—" Link sniffled.

"Okay, okay, I get it," Navi sighed. "Touchy topic."

"Great, I go to Greatfish for nothing, I'm stuck in a storm, I get bothered by the narrator, I can't go to a pirate party, I do a pointless swinging lantern exercise, and I'm reminded of grandpa," Link frowned. "All in one day too."

"Night," Navi corrected.

Link sighed, "Sometimes I think this day can't get any worse…"

Link's boat sailed straight into a cyclone.

"Eh heh heh heh heh heh!" the cyclone cackled.

"DANG IT!"

* * *

Link parked his boat onto the shores of Outset Island. Both he and Navi were positively drenched.

"Man…" Navi groaned. "That was a _loong_ journey…"

"Especially since that cyclone flung us to that faraway island…" Link moaned.

"We wouldn't have even _known_ where we were if that fishman hadn't told filled in Crescent Moon Isle on your map," Navi crossed her arms.

"Well," Link grinned weakly. "At least we're here. I'm home. Home sweet home. Out of the dangers of everyday life—"

A couple of Chu Chus sprang forth from the grass. They jiggled menacingly.

"AAAHHH!" Link screamed.

"Link, relax," Navi shrugged. "They're just a couple of jelly things—"

"They're here! They're here too!" Link bellowed. "Now, nowhere in the world is safe! NOWHERE!"

"Uhh, Link?" Navi paused.

"I can't sleep! I can never sleep!" Link jittered. "Not with _them _awaiting outside my doorstep! They'll just crawl under the doors, and through the windows! I'll never sleep again!"

"Well, that shouldn't be a problem since I haven't seen you sleep since I met you," Navi said.

Link paused, "But I was unconscious when the Seagull Ki—"

"That doesn't count," Navi huffed. "Now hurry up and take those Chu Chus out before I get even angrier!"

Link nodded and complied. Sure, Chu Chus were scary in that they always respawned and were planning to eat his socks, but he had seen Navi punch boulders and make them shatter. Making her angry would, frankly, be unwise. A silence fell between them.

"…Wow," Link paused. "This island is eerily quiet without grenades going off every five seconds…"

Navi stared, "You are a strange little bobble-headed man."

"Say, I wonder how Grandma's doing…" Link pondered.

"Link, I thought we were going to get that pearl," Navi said. "Aren't we racing against the pirates here?"

"Navi, as you said before, this storm is lasting forever, and evening seems to be lasting forever with it too," Link said. "So, morning will never come, thus allowing us to take as much time as we want to do whatever we want."

"Whatever _you_ want," Navi corrected. "But what about the pirates? How long are you going to make them party?"

Link's mouth cracked into a smile.

"Okay, you know what, I don't want to know," Navi sighed. "Just go see your grandmother already."

"Okie dokie," Link smirked.

* * *

Link burst through the front door.

"_Grandma~_ I'm _hooome~!_" Link sang.

Link looked over to see his grandmother sitting on a chair, wrapped in a blanket. She looked very ill.

"Ohhh… Uhnnn…" she moaned in her sleep. "Link… Aryll… Don't go… Don't leave…"

"Oh wow," Navi paused. "What happened to her?"

"Uhhnnn… Don't leave your poor old grandma…" she coughed in her sleep, "…all alone… Uhnnn… The Medication… Uhhhnnnn…"

"Uh-oh…" Link paled. "Medication?"

Link rummaged through his tunic and found Grandma's big bottle of pills. On it was a big fat label that read 'WARNING: This medication must be taken once a day, daily, or else you will probably die. Either that or develop an unnatural affinity for house plants. We're not sure which.'"

Link blinked, "Whoops."

"Whoops? 'Whoops' what?" Navi asked.

Link held the bottle pensively. Navi flew over his shoulder.

"What does that say—wait, what?" Navi's jaw hung open. "Death? Houseplants? To be taken daily?"

"Hence the 'whoops'," Link said.

"Link, how could you?" Navi buzzed up and down. "You condemned your own Grandmother to die!"

"Or made her develop an unnatural affinity for houseplants," Link added.

Grandma moaned in the background. Navi glared at Link.

"H-Hey, I didn't mean too," Link said. "It's just that I'm so used to carrying those pills around all the time that I forgot to take them out—"

"Enough with your excuses!" Navi buzzed. "Stop shoving the blame around! We need to help her somehow!"

"But you were the one who—" Link paused.

"Forget what I said!" Navi said. "Do you know anyone who has any medical experience on this island?"

"Sturgeon probably has a Ph.D nailed somewhere on that wall of his," Link pondered.

"Great! Let's go get him!" Navi said.

"…But he's probably asleep right now," Link nodded. "I've always been under the impression that he's an early bird."

Navi let out her gargle of enraged noises again.

Link rolled his eyes, "Maybe Orca's up. He seems like a night owl to me."

Navi groaned, "He's a swordsman, Link. We need a doctor, not a surgeon."

"And, he's our only option right now," Link pointed out.

Navi sighed. There was a pause.

"Which way to the old man's house?"

"Come on, follow me," Link said.

Link walked out the door.

* * *

A jet-black helicopter flew clumsily through the rainstorm. It barely managed to land on a ledge, leading up to the forest on Outset. From out of the rain splattered door came the armoured leg of an Iron Knuckle. The beast stepped out into the torrential downpour, and looked out at the land stoicly. Lightening crackled in the distance behind him.

"That almost worked like it was planned," the Iron Knuckle paused.

"Al-most?" a voice asked.

"Yes, almost," the Iron Knuckle continued. "Of course, I cannot control the storms as his lordship can, however—wait, who said that?"

The Iron Knuckle looked from side to side. He soon found the Miniblin who stood by his feet. The Miniblin stared blankly up at the armoured beast.

"When did you get there?" the Iron Knuckle blinked. "I didn't hear you coming."

The Miniblin stomped its foot on the ground. No noise resulted.

"Ah," the Iron Knuckle nodded. "Anywho, call your friends. I bring news from his lordship."

"Ga-non?" the Miniblin's face lit up.

"Yes, Ganon," the Iron Knuckle sighed.

The Miniblin spun around and called out behind it, "Ga-non! Ga-non! Ga-non!"

"Ga-non?" came a couple of curious voices.

"Ga-non!" the Miniblin nodded rapidly. "Ga-non! Ga-non! Ga-non!"

From seemingly out of nowhere, came several little Miniblins. They hopped their way over to the first Miniblin, saying "Ga-non!" every time they hopped. The Iron Knuckle sighed. Miniblins were, by far, the most annoying thing his lordship had ever created. The Iron Knuckle made his way down to the dirt path beneath him. By that point, a small crowd of twenty or so Miniblins had gathered, each letting out their own respective "Ga-non!" whenever they felt necessary. The Iron Knuckle coughed.

"Greetings," the Iron Knuckle said. "I have just come from the Fortress."

The Miniblins giggled with glee. Or that was what the Iron Knuckle assumed those little rats were doing. Either that, or they were laughing at him. Both of which were very probable options.

"Tell-us!" some Miniblins said. "Ga-non! Why-you did-come!"

"Would you honestly bring harm upon yourselves if you tried to speak grammatically correctly for once?" the Iron Knuckle asked.

"Nooooo!" one of them gurgled.

"Ga-non! Ga-non!" another one piped up.

"Ah, yes," the Iron Knuckle nodded. "His lordship says that you are all doing a very good job, and to keep up the good work."

The Miniblins cheered in their ecstatic little way.

"As for everything at the Fortress, everything is fine," the Iron Knuckle continued. "His lordship was very insomniatic for a while, however that changed when they turned off the alarm system. Now, instead of blaring alarms, his lordship will be informed by one of his minions in person. Last I checked, there was some kid doing it."

"Bo-ring-ring-ring," a Miniblin scoffed.

"Tell-more 'bout Ga-non!" a red one piped up.

The Iron Knuckle paused, "But…that is all I have to report back from the Fortress—"

"GA-NON! GA-NON!" they squealed to almost deafening volumes.

There was a long pause.

"And his lordship is the greatest lordship there ever was and ever will be," the Iron Knuckle sighed.

The Miniblins cheered.

"Which brings me to why I have come," the Iron Knuckle straightened up.

With a collective 'ooo', the Miniblins fell silent from their anticipation.

"He sent me to break down the wall, and get Jabun's pearl!" the Iron Knuckle exclaimed. "His lordship told me it is of utmost importance to retrieve this item before anyone else does!"

"How is-it go-ing?" one daring Miniblin spoke up.

"I just spent the past half-hour banging my sword on it," the Iron Knuckle confirmed. "Which, mind you, is very hard to do when clinging to an unpiloted helicopter in the middle of a storm."

"And-and?" many Miniblins asked in unison.

"I was able to confirm that the wall is, indeed, 100% solid," the Iron Knuckle nodded.

There was a pause.

"How," a green Miniblin said.

"Use-less," a red Miniblin finished.

"E-Excuse me?" the Iron Knuckle exclaimed.

The Miniblins erupted into a choir of "use-less", repeating the word over and over again. The Iron Knuckle rolled his eyes and punted the Miniblin closest to him. It went up in a poof of smoke. This effectively shut the Miniblins up.

"I may very well be an illogical and irrelevant character," the Iron Knuckle huffed. "But that does not mean that I do not have rights."

"Use-less," a Miniblin piped up.

"Who said that?"

The Miniblins erupted into a fit of giggles.

The Iron Knuckle rolled its eyes. _Miniblins._

"If none of you mind," the Iron Knuckle said. "I will be in my helicopter. And if I don't manage to break down that wall within the next fifteen minutes, I think it would be wise to head back to the Fortress and give his lordship an update."

The Miniblins cheered once more. The Iron Knuckle could have sworn he had heard one of them squeak 'use-less' again, but he ignored it. Using his sword like a pickaxe, the Iron Knuckle clambered his way up to where his helicopter was parked.

* * *

"Okay, remember our first priority here," Navi said. "Do not dawdle on anything else."

Link burst through the front door.

"Orca," Link called out. "I've come for your Knight's Crest Scam."

"What? No! That's not on our list of priorities, Link!" Navi buzzed. "We're here to help your Grandmother, remember?"

"You mean that's not on _your _list of priorities," Link said. "I, on the other hand…"

"Gah!" Navi let out. "You're impossible!"

Link trotted over to Orca, who was preoccupied with punching the wall again.

"Okay, seriously, why does he do that?" Navi huffed.

"Orca, did you hear me?" Link asked.

Orca spun around. He took a step back.

"Ah? Link?" Orca gasped.

"Yes, that was my name, last time I checked," Link said.

"You are all right!" Orca smiled.

"As are you," Link smiled back.

"Why did you not tell me about Aryll?" Orca asked. "That was thoughtless of you…"

"Link, this is no time for dawdling!" Navi spoke up. "We've got to ask about Orca's medical experience—"

"This island has seen hard times ever since you departed…" Orca said.

"I can see that," Link said. "What with the Chu Chu invasion, and all."

Link shuddered.

"Link, you moron, don't you care about—" Navi groaned.

"Hmm…" Orca nodded. "I do not know what you have been doing on your journey, but you seem a little more daring these days. That look in your eye is not the one you left here with."

"Oh please," Link huffed. "We're both grown men. Let us settle this with battle."

"Very good!" Orca smiled. "Show me just how much you've improved your sword skills!"

They began dueling. Navi floated in silence.

"Try to hit me 100 times or more before I hit you three times!" Orca said.

"If you say so," Link grinned.

While the two were dueling, Navi flew up behind Orca, and pushed him over. The blow knocked the wind out of him. Stars spun circles around his head.

"You're concerned about my Grandmother, yet you're still willing to attack an old man?" Link asked.

"…Ah!" Orca hiccupped. "One hundred blows! You have improved!"

"He's fit," Navi said. "Your Grandmother is not. Plus, your Grandmother is sick and dying, and he's well enough to challenge you to swordplay. He'll be fine."

"Now you are a page!" Orca scrambled to his feet. "Page! It is not much, but it is now yours! Take this with you!"

DUH DUH DUH NUUUUUUHHHH! Link got a Reward! I wish the scriptwriter would be more specific about these things…

"But what about the Knight's Crests?" Link asked.

"Well, how many do you have?" Orca asked.

Link pulled up his START Menu and looked at his Spoils Bag. Link paused. He had only one Knight's Crest. That he got from Dragon Roost Island's dungeon. In a chest. Near the boss's room. Off screen.

"How many do I need?" Link asked.

"Ten."

Link stared at his START Menu.

Link bit his lip, "Hmmm…uhh…well…"

Navi groaned, "Here! Allow me!"

Navi flew into Link's hat, and came back with a black sharpie. Beside the number '1' at the bottom of the Knight's Crest icon, Navi wrote in a big fat '0'. Link paused.

"Where'd you even get that?" Link asked.

"Never mind that. Anyways, shut up for a second," Navi whispered. "I'm trying to fool the Game Designers here."

"Are you sure we can do that—"

"I said 'shut up'," Navi said through clenched teeth.

Link sighed and held up the Knights Crest with the big fat '0' added onto it. As soon as Orca laid eyes on the crest, he took a step back and dropped his spear.

"Wh-Why, that is…" Orca gulped, "…a Knight's Crest!"

"Weren't you expecting me to have this—I mean these?" Link asked. "You _did_ send me that letter, right?"

"I have no idea what you're talking about," Orca paused.

"Told you it sounded like a scam," Navi sighed.

"Whatever," Link said. "I have them out now, so tell me about 'em, old man."

"Hmph! Disrespectful child," Orca muttered bitterly. "The Knight's Crest… It is the symbol of a courageous knight… But not just anyone can gather them… No! It takes a soul who possesses not only power, but wisdom and courage as well!"

Link raised both eyebrows, "Or the ability to open a chest."

Navi nudged Link, "Link!"

"Any courageous soul who gathers ten of these crests can learn a powerful new sword technique!" Orca nodded. "Both my brother and I dreamt of learning this technique in our youth. We worked so hard to collect the crests… But it took many long years and adventures beyond count before we even approached finding ten of them, and we both grew old…"

"You obviously didn't think of using the sharpie technique," Link said.

"Quiet!" Navi whispered.

"It appears you have enough might to learn that technique now," Orca stroked his beard. "Perhaps, just perhaps, you can master it!"

"_Hooray_," Link lifted his arms lazily in the air.

Navi nudged Link once more. Orca picked up his spear and took a fighting stance.

"Very good, Link!" Orca smirked. "Heed my words!"

"Alrighty," Link pulled out his sword.

"Hold B to build up power, then release it!" Orca instructed.

Link sighed, "Oh, not this again—"

"Come at me, now!" Orca ordered. "Do it!"

Link held his sword out behind him. His eyes widened. He could feel his magic flowing down his arm, and a charge building up in his sword. He could hear the excess magic crackle out of the blade and spark out of control. Almost, he thought. Almost… He closed his eyes for concentration. Almost… _Allllmooosttt…_

Link's eyes shot open. Now. Link cut the magic flow to his arm, and almost instantly his sword began spinning in circles. The centripetal force that the charged blade was creating made it hard for Link to hold onto the handle. The world around him blurred into itself. Orca, followed by blue light. Now Orca again.

Several spins later, all that remained of Link was a dizzy mess. Stars spun around his head, and Link's feet almost wobbled out of control. And Link's cheeks were a distinct colour of green. Orca's eyes welled up with tears. His spear fell out of his hands.

"Amazing, Link!" Orca sniffled. "You did it! You have mastered the Hurricane Spin!"

"I think I'm going to be sick…" Link covered his mouth.

"At last, you have made our long-lost dream come true!" Orca smiled. "Oh, the joyful tears… They won't stop… I thought my tears had dried up long ago."

Orca wiped away his tears in the coolest way possible.

"Can you give me a jar or something before I…urp…" Link looked very queasy.

"There is nothing left for me to teach you!" Orca exclaimed.

Navi groaned, "Here."

Navi flew over and grabbed an empty jar. After Link was done with it, Navi opened the door, and threw it outside for the rain to wash away.

"I am certain now that you will save your sister, Aryll, and bring her home to Outset!" Orca beamed.

"Okay," Link chuckled nervously. "Yeah. Thanks for that."

"How did it feel, young man?" Orca asked. "Your first time doing the legendary Hurricane Spin?"

"Weirdest thing ever," Link groaned. "I got seasick. And I don't get seasick! Sure, I may be feeling a bit better, but I never, ever, want to do that technique again."

Ha. Wait until you get to the Earth Temple.

"Pardon?" Link looked at the ceiling.

Erm, uh, hey look! You have mail again!

Link's face lit up, "Sweet."

Navi blinked, "Hey, wait a minute—"

Link walked outside, and Navi soon followed.

* * *

Link ran over to the Postbox. He frowned. To his dismay, it was not wriggling.

"Wait," Link paused. "I don't have mail! You liar!"

A strange whistling sound was heard over the intercom. Navi flew out the door.

"Link! What are you doing? We still haven't asked Orca about what to do with your Grandmother! She's still, oh, I dunno, _dying_ last time I checked."

"Relax, Navi," Link shrugged. "She'll be fine. She's an NPC after all."

"Yeah, who's like _ninety years old!_" Navi exclaimed.

"Navi, if you're so concerned about my Grandma's safety, why don't _you_ ask Orca, yourself?" Link asked.

"Because nobody would take me seriously!" Navi buzzed. "That's the problem with being a fairy—you can't go asking around for medical Ph.D.s without people laughing at you."

Link paused. Huh, he pondered, he had never thought of that. Come to think of it, if a fairy burst through his front door, asking if he was a licensed doctor, he would probably start laughing too.

"So, what do you suggest we do?" Link tried not to laugh.

"Well, we go back in there and—oh…wait, I've got a better idea," Navi smiled.

Link gulped. This didn't sound good.

"On the top of your little island, there's a Fairy Fountain, right?" Navi said. "So, all we have to do is catch a fairy in a bottle, and bring it to your grandmother."

"I already see one problem with that plan," Link said.

"And what might that be?" Navi put her hands on her hips.

Link held up the Bottle Fragments.

"Oh," Navi paused. "I told you that you shouldn't have abused her."

"And if the authoress was kind enough to explain that there was a submarine off the coast of Bomb Island where I could get a bottle, then we wouldn't have this problem," Link said.

Hey, I try and use the Zubat Method sparingly.

"Whatever," Navi sighed. "Why don't you just use your hat?"

Link paled, "My…hat?"

"Yeah, it's like a container, and you can just take it off and just net a pink fairy in it," Navi explained. "It's as simple as that."

Link gulped, "My…hat?"

"Oh, come on, Link," Navi groaned. "It's not like everyone on this island hasn't seen your bald spot."

"But…" Link shook, "…the Chu Chus…they might—"

"Are you going to go up that mountain to save your grandmother, or am I going to have to steal your hat and do it myself?" Navi glared at the boy.

"Okay, okay," Link sighed. "Fine."

"Good. Now let's go," Navi said.

* * *

Many Miniblins peered over the edge of Outset's walls. Their pitchforks held high with height that rivaled their horns. Each one clung on the wall…waiting for an unfortunate traveler—any unfortunate traveler—to come up the path. And that is why several dozen watchful eyes fell upon Link and Navi as they walked to their destination.

"Are you sure this is the only way up?" Navi's voice echoed through the walls.

"Of course I am," Link said back. "If there was an indoor route, I'd take it."

"Well, I'm getting soaked out here," Navi muttered. "And if you would just let me in your hat—"

"While you're soaking wet?" Link sounded unimpressed. "I'd rather keep one area of my body dry in this weather, thanks."

"Ki-kill!" a Miniblin raised its trident high.

"Whoa, that's a bit extreme, don't you think?" Link raised an eyebrow.

A choir of giggles swept over the crowd.

"I didn't say anything, idiot!" Navi huffed.

"Huh? Then who—HOLY VALOO DROPPINGS!" Link jumped.

Navi spun around to see a wave of Miniblins charge down the hill.

"Farore's Wind!" Navi gasped. "Lets go! Lets go! Lets go!"

Link and Navi ran and flew, respectively, for their lives. The crowd of Miniblins hopped after them. Up the path they ran, then around the corner, then to…Link screeched to a halt.

"Oh, crap," Link paused. "The bridge is out. I think Aryll went too far this time."

"Wha-what?" Navi spluttered. "Link, that is not what we need to hear right now!"

Navi pointed to the gaining Miniblins with a shaking finger.

"But, wait," Link pondered. "Aryll was kidnapped while the bridge was still intact. So maybe that Seagull King took it out?"

"Think of a way to get across!" Navi yelled.

"Okay, okay, sheesh," Link rolled his eyes.

"There!" a red Miniblin said.

"Ha ha," a blue Miniblin snorted.

"The-re you-are!" a green Miniblin exclaimed.

An unsettling 'ee hee hee hee' sounded not too far away. At least, Link thought, he found it unsettling. Link turned to the large gap between the two cliffs. He needed to think of something…and fast. But what? Link held his head. He couldn't think clearly. He lacked…motivation! That was the word! Link felt a little trident poke him in the back. He could feel a quarter of a heart deplete. That was all the motivation he needed.

"Navi!" Link called out.

"What now?" Navi dodged some poking tridents.

"You fly on ahead," Link said. "I've got an idea!"

"Fine by me," Navi rolled her eyes.

Link saw Navi fly off until she became yet a glowing dot in the distance. Link directed his attention behind him. He was correct. The path did continue, and lead to a tall rock. Link smiled. Perfect. Link slashed away a couple Miniblins that were too close for comfort, and made a mad dash for the rock. As quickly as he could, he leapt onto the rock, and pulled out his Wind Waker.

"Up, right, left," Link bit his lip. "Up, right, left… Come on! Up, right, left!"

Before a Red Miniblin managed to get uncomfortably close, Link played the Wind's Requiem. He changed the direction on the compass to the direction he faced, and a strong gust rushed by.

"Link! What are you doing?" he could barely hear Navi's voice.

Link slashed once more at his pursuers and raised his Deku Leaf above him. Link took a running jump and held on tight. He glanced behind him, to his abandoned pursuers, and then forward again. He felt his palms get sweaty.

"Don't look down," Link gulped. "Just don't look down…"

Link peeked down at the sea below him, and shut both eyes tight. Okay, Link thought to himself, it might be easier on him if he just shut his eyes the rest of the way. It wasn't that he was afraid of heights, he would usually tell others, but rather he had a fear of falling.

"Link!" he could hear Navi clearer now. "Link!"

The world was a lot less scarier, Link realized, when his eyes were closed. Link smiled. He should do this more often!

"Link, you moron," Navi sounded angry, "wipe that stupid grin off your face and look where you're going!"

Link opened his eyes just in time to see his face collide with the wooden post. Okay, maybe he shouldn't do this more often…

Link clung onto the plank, and tried his best to shuffle across to a reasonable surface. He reached out his foot and searched the air for ground. His foot planted in some grass. Link made his way onto the platform.

"Took you long enough," Navi huffed.

Link took a bow, "Well, I was only being chased by Ganondorf's minions, after all."

"What's past is past, and we need to—Wait!" Navi gasped. "Where's Ivan?"

Link raised an eyebrow. He blinked.

"Ahh! Oh no!" Navi seemed frazzled. "We left him behind! For all we know he might be a…whatever those guys are called, marshmallow! We have to save him!"

"First of all, Navi, those are Miniblins," Link pointed out. "And Ivan's asleep on the boat. He's perfectly safe to our knowledge."

There was a silence.

"Oh…" Navi paused. "Right. Gah, I can't believe I'm already so used to having him around!"

"Whatever," Link shrugged. "Let's get the fairy, heal Grandma, and get Jabun's Pearl."

Link walked into the forest.

* * *

Three hours later…

"Ohhh… Uhnnn…" Grandma moaned in her sleep. "Link… Aryll… Don't go… Don't leave… Uhhnnn… Don't leave your poor old grandma…all alone… Uhnnn… The Medication… Uhhhnnnn…"

The door flung open, and revealed a beaten, bruised, and grass stained Link. He held his hat tightly shut, which wriggled in response.

Link grumbled bitterly, "I hope you're happy, Grandma."

Link stomped over to where his Grandmother lay, and opened his hat at her. A fairy flew out and circled around him and his Grandmother both.

"You should have told me how much fairies had evolved," Navi shuddered. "The lack a glow creeped me out."

"Lack of a glow?" Link raised an eyebrow. "I thought that the fact that you _do_ glow is kinda weird—"

"Ohh, Link!" he heard his Grandmother's voice. "Is that really you, Link! Grandma is always happy to see your bright, shining face"

Link blinked, "Now I'm glowing?"

"Just hurry up and give her the meds," Navi huffed.

Link began to rummage through his tunic.

"Link… My dear, sweet Link," Grandma smiled. "You're safe… That's wonderful… Just wonderful. Did you do this? Did you heal me?"

Link rolled his eyes, "Yes, Grandma. I healed you and made sure to not get any limbs chopped off."

"Oh, you're such a sweet child…" Grandmother smiled.

Link found the pill bottle and handed it to his Grandmother.

"Here," Link blushed a little. "I'm sorry for taking these when I went to save Aryll. It was an accident, I swear."

"Ohh… That's right…" Grandma paused. "You and your sister, Aryll, are trying so hard to be strong, and I've just been sitting here, moaning and worrying…"

"And dying," Navi added.

"No, it's okay," Link said. "I'm a man now, and I can take care of myself—"

"No, no, no," Grandma shook her head. "I'm your grandmother… I'm the one who should be taking care of you… I'm so sorry, Link. I haven't even considered what you must be going through. I'm a terrible grandma…"

"But I'm a man—" Link began.

"Link, this is all I have to give you right now," Grandma turned to the pot on the fire. "You can keep it in your empty bottle!"

"Uhh…" Link bit his lip. "I don't have an empty bottle…"

DUH DUH DUH NUUUUUUHHHH! Link got Grandma's Soup! She even filled his hat right to the brim! Isn't that nice of her?

"You and your sister love this soup, don't you?" Grandma smiled. "If you run out, I can make it for you any time you like."

"Uh, not that I don't appreciate the gesture…" Link paused, "…but I was kinda hoping to wear that after saving you…"

"Nonsense, Link," Grandma waved her hand. "You need to become big and strong so that you can save your sister. Eat up!"

Link stared at his reflection in the stew. He felt some large drops splatter onto his boots.

"Go on, Link," Grandma smiled.

Link looked at his Grandmother, "That's it. You've been off the meds too long."

"Come, come, now!" Grandma huffed. "Before it gets cold!"

* * *

Link flung open the door and into the rainstorm once more. With soaking hat in hand, he walked over to the ocean, and tried his best to get the stains out.

"I can't believe she actually made you drink all that soup!" Navi said. "What kind of guardian is she?"

"One that hasn't taken her medication in over a week," Link burped.

"Well, I hope you can managed to get those carrots out of the weaving," Navi sighed. "I don't want to have to deal with rotting vegetables."

Navi looked over and saw the Postbox wriggling in this distance.

"Hey, um," Navi paused. "I think you have mail."

"Can you get it for me?" Link asked. "Just tell it that you're getting letters for Link, and it should let you get it."

"Okay," Navi shrugged. "In the meantime, you'd better wring that hat out thoroughly."

Navi flew off to the Postbox.

"I already am," Link rolled his eyes.

It wasn't long before Navi came flying back with a letter in tow.

"Here you go," Navi said.

"Can you read it to me?" Link asked.

"Don't tell me you've forgotten how to read," Navi huffed.

"No, but I haven't managed to pick out all the carrots yet," Link said.

"Alright, alright," Navi cleared her throat. "Ahem. _'I'm sorry to disturb you with this unsolicited letter. If the following does not interest you, please throw this letter away without a second though. BUT THIS IS YOUR BIG CHANCE! Do you have need of an empty bottle, a Piece of Heart, or a Treasure Chart? We have them at special bargain prices. BUT WE HAVE ONLY ONE OF EACH! If you're interested, go to the Shop Ship near Rock Spire Island. First come, first serve! I can't wait to serve you! To those who took the time to read this letter…please accept my humble thanks.  
Asst. Manager, Rock Spire Shop Ship'_…"

Link rolled his eyes, "In other words, spam. Throw it into the ocean."

Navi blinked, "Isn't that unenvironmentally friendly?"

"Nope," Link shook his head. "Most of the stationary they sell is water degradable."

"My, that's convenient," Navi said. "I was wondering what happened to those other letters of yours…"

Navi tossed the letter towards the sea. But since letters make terrible projectiles, it nailed Link on his bald spot. Link picked the parchment out of his hair and threw it into the water. Link wrung out his hat once more for good measure.

"So, to the cave?" Link asked.

"To the cave," Navi nodded. "Let's knock that stone slab off that wall and own that pirate girl's butt."

* * *

"You never told me there was a whirlpool!" Navi bellowed.

Link and his tiny little boat were spun around in a large whirlpool.

"I didn't know it was even here!" Link yelled.

"Well couldn't you have at _least _waited until the weather cleared up?" Navi hissed.

"Have you forgotten?" Link said as loud as he could. "It's been nighttime for hours!"

"Nighttime is always hours long!"

"You know what I mean!" Link rolled his eyes. "Now help me aim this cannon at the wall!"

Link began adjusting a cannon that was coming out of the floor of the ship.

"C-C-CANNON?" Navi's eyes widened. "Where in Nayru's name did you get _that?_"

"You think I know?" Link hollered. "I was holding bombs in my hand when it just sprung up out of the place where the sail comes out of."

Navi sighed, "Honestly. Sometimes I think this world is getting more and more illogical by the minute."

Link ignored Navi's mumbles, and began aiming the cannon again. He became so focused on the wall that he barely noticed Navi fly into his hat. But her dim glow on his forehead did help illuminate the place a little.

Link closed one eye. Just a little more to the left… A little more… A little more? And more? Wait, now to the right? What the—

Link paused. Oh. Right. Whirlpool. Man, this 'curse' or whatever, was out to get him, wasn't it? It wouldn't have been so bad, Link thought, if he hadn't been sent on this wild goose chase to collect the last pearl. Why did Tetra want that thing so badly anyway?

Link aimed the cannon once more, and fired a shot before the waters could move his position. Bang! The stone slab cracked a little. He readjusted himself hurriedly. Bang! The stone door looked ready to collapse. Link smirked—he could understand why Aryll loved her firepower so much. One more…and…

BANG! The stone wall shattered. Several large pieces began dropping into the ocean.

Navi paused, "That looks cool."

Ivan peeked his head out, "Huuuh?"

"Ah!" Link let out. "Crap! Where's that Pictobox when you need it?"

Link rummaged through his pockets. He reemerged with his Pictobox only to find he was too late—the wall had completely collapsed.

"Aw…" Link frowned, "…_man_…!"

"Why is Link…" Ivan rubbed his eye, "soggy?"

Navi rolled her eyes, "Ivan, it's raining. Now go back to sleep."

"…Okay," Ivan yawned.

The green glow from the front of the ship disappeared once more.

"But I…!" Link's face almost fell off his head. "It…! I…!"

"Oh, now what are you on about?" Navi groaned. "Can't you just sail into a cave like a normal person?"

"BUT I MISSED GETTING THE SHOT OF THE WALL COLLAPSING!" Link's eyes welled up a little. "The drama! The expression! The art of nature at its finest…!"

Link covered his face with his hands and pretended not to cry.

Navi blinked, "You're pathetic. Let's go."

With one hand, he equipped the sail, and it popped up out of the floor. Navi grabbed the rudder to keep the boat from going off course.

* * *

The little boat waded into the cave. Several pieces of fancy, water-proof furnishing were scattered throughout the ocean water. The walls of the cave were illuminated with the reflection of the water's light.

Link paused, "Is the water glowing?"

"Never mind that!" Navi seemed a bit peeved. "What's with all this furniture? What, has he gotten himself _comfortable? _And where is that Jabu-Jabu—I mean Jabun guy, anyway?"

It was then when a large bluish-green whale creature came up from the water's depths. It had a lantern attached to a long rod out of its forehead. A pair of expensive looking sunglasses dangled from the edge of the lantern.

"So," Link paused, "uh, you're Jabun?"

The Great Fish nodded and made a sort of groaning sound.

"Figures," Link muttered to himself. "First a dragon, then a tree, and now a fish."

Jabun moaned some more.

"Typical," Link sighed. "Who's our translator _this _time?"

Navi didn't skip a beat, "Hey! You! What is all this?"

Navi gestured to the furnishings scattered all over the cave water's surface. Jabun's gills turned a light purple colour.

"I demand an explanation!" Navi yelled.

After a few moments of enduring Navi's stare-down, Jabun moaned his explanation.

"You weren't really attacked?" Navi exclaimed. "You're on _vacation? _Vacation my glow! You're just running from your responsibilities!"

Jabun moaned his explanation.

"What? 'It was faster than swimming to the Bahamas'?" Navi yelled. "Why, in all the time I've been on this ocean I have never heard such—"

Jabun was speechless.

"Speaking of negligence," Navi huffed. "I haven't seen any Zora since I've woken up! What did you do with them?"

Jabun slumped a little further into the waters to hide his even purpler gills.

"They've all disappeared because of your neglect!" Navi declared.

"That's enough, Navi," Link sighed.

Link plucked her out of the air. He held her in his hands.

"But he— It— The island—" were Navi's muffled protests.

"Navi, take a chill pill and listen to what the fish has to say," Link sighed. "In case you haven't noticed, I can't understand a word of it."

"_Fine_," Navi huffed.

Link opened his hands and let the fairy get back in the air.

"But, really. Can you believe the nerv—"

Jabun suddenly spoke again, however his gaze seemed elsewhere. There was a pause.

"Wait… You talking to me?" Navi pointed at herself.

"I'd assume so," Link said. "He can't really carry out a conversation with me."

"Well, um… I appreciate the title," Navi curtsied a little, "but I think you have my gender confused."

Link decided that he wasn't going to ask. Jabun continued to speak.

"You fear what now?" Navi blinked. "Oh. You mean that Ganon guy, don't you?"

Link heard a faint 'dorf' from the boat's head. Jabun continued to moan.

"Oh, you too? Why does everyone keep mistaking me for Link all of a sudden?" Navi huffed.

Jabun looked confused. He moaned again, but this time Link thought it sounded like a question.

"For competitive purposes," Navi smirked. "We are going to _own_ that little pirate punk!"

Jabun stared at the little fairy.

"And to save the world and all that," Navi rolled her eyes. "You know, goodie goodie two-shoes stuff. Now hand the pearl over."

Jabun looked lost in thought for a moment, but then moaned again.

"Okay, fine," Navi sighed. "We won't tell anyone you're here. We promise."

With that, Jabun shook the lamp dangling in front of him. The sunglasses plopped in the water, and a large, blue pearl was flung out at Link. It bounced off of his head. DUH DUH NUUUUUUHHHH! Link got Nayru's Pearl! Link also might have a mild concussion, but that's a trivial detail. Jabun groaned again.

"Huh. That's convenient," Navi said. "Who knew getting a pearl would break a curse?"

Link got up slowly. Well, at least, by the sounds of things, it wouldn't be raining when he got outside.

Jabun moaned.

"According to that creepy Schoolteacher…" Navi made a face, "Everyone on Windfall Isle is of that lineage."

Jabun looked even more confused.

"Link, just take the pearl and sail us out of here," Navi huffed. "Before things get even more awkward."

Link shrugged and complied. There was nothing really to argue about anyway, he thought.

* * *

When Link's tiny boat emerged from the cave, it had indeed cleared up. However, it was still in the dead of night.

"Finally," Link huffed. "We got the last pearl."

"Indeed," Navi smiled. "And it seems like we got rid of that pesky narrator too."

Watch it, Navi. I _am_ still here.

"Oh, well, chapter's almost over, whatcha gonna do about it?" Navi chuckled.

Ivan zipped out of the boat—already jolting.

"Okay, that's just mean," Navi said.

Bwa ha ha ha.

"Ganon's curse has been broken by the power of the pearl that Jabun gave us, so morning should come soon," Ivan twitched.

Link rolled his eyes, "Might as well get it over with: dorf."

"It is well that we have gathered all the pearls," Ivan's attack made him seem confident. "Are you ready, Link? I have marked places where you must set the pearls on your Sea Chart. Once you have placed each of the pearls in its proper location, the proving grounds for your courage will become apparent."

Link pulled out his Sea Chart and saw the places where Ivan marked the spots on the map.

"How does he _do_ that, even?" Link raised an eyebrow. Navi shrugged.

"Clearly, the search for Jabun has shown that Ganon has begun to make efforts to block our path forward," Ivan's body vibrated continuously. "It is certain that the perils ahead will be greater than any you have faced thus far."

Navi sighed, "What I think the O.N.A. is trying to say is that you should finish any business you have here on Outset right now, so that you don't have to come back here later."

"Yeah, I got that," Link said.

Navi nodded, "Good. Now if you'll excuse me…"

Navi flew down to the water's surface and began lifting Ivan's exhausted body out.

Link paused, "You know, I wonder why nobody has bothered to try and steal the pearls from me…"

"And what do you mean by that?" Navi asked.

"Think about it. Anyone coming by here could just annihilate me on the spot. After all, I am just one little boy, on a boat, in the middle of nowhere," Link pondered. "If one of Ganon's—"

"Dorf!" Ivan began flying around.

Link rolled his eyes, "If one of Ganondorf's minions, Tetra's ship, or even Ganondorf himself wanted to, they could just blow me off the face of the map."

Link poked Ivan in the stomach before Ivan could say 'dorf' again. It knocked the wind out of the little guy.

"You have bombs (and magically, a cannon) now," Navi pointed out. "You could technically defend yourself."

"Yeah, but it's not like I can _really_ compare to the pirate ship, after all. Or the King of Evil."

There was a pause.

"Okay, so our rivals are idiots," Navi sighed. "That still doesn't change anything. We have to go and put the pearls on the spots marked on your map."

Link nodded, "Okay. We can do that."

Navi sighed with relief, "Thank Nayru, we're getting something done for onc—"

"…Just after I fill out every spot on my Sea Chart," Link added.

"WHAT?"

* * *

Cherry-sama: And we're finally done with that side-quest thingy.

Toon Link: So, wait, the audience gets an entire chapter about me filling out my map?

Cherry-sama: Of course not. Next time, we're in Forsaken Fortress.

Navi: Again?

Cherry-sama: Besides, who would want to read a chapter about Link filling out his Sea Chart?

Ivan: _(raises hand) _I do! I do!

Cherry-sama: Case and point. _(to camera)_ So tell me audience, which one do you like better? Ocarina of Time Link? Or Wind Waker Link?

Link: _(bursts out laughing) _Oh, I am _so_ going to dominate this.

Toon Link: Shut. Up.

Aryll: Now hold still, little fairy. _(aims)_

Cherry-sama: Aryll!


	14. Chapter 9: A Stone Cold Glare

**Chapter 9 (all we are _saaaayiiinnngg~_ is give gulls a _chaaance~_)**

**Disclaimer: How many times do I have to tell you that I don't own the Legend of Zelda series? That belongs to Nintendo! I also don't own helicopters, T.V. Football, any of the weapons/artillery mentioned below, or blankets. Actually, I do own a couple blankets, but I do not have a copyright over blankets. But I do own that pesky OC of mine. Even though he's a Mary-Sue.**

* * *

Cherry-sama: Greetings, all! And the results are in! Toon Link won over OoT Link with six to two! Congrats, Toon Link!

Link: What? How is that even possible? He didn't get any votes in the favourite character popularity poll!

Cherry-sama: Beats me.

Toon Link: It's decided.

Cherry-sama: What's decided?

Toon Link: Your readers and I agreed that we are sick and tired of your infrequent updates, and therefore are revoked of your author's privileges.

Cherry-sama: But you're barely in this chapter!

Toon Link: That's besides the point.

Cherry-sama: You can't do this to me! I even started the Deku Fan Manga of mine, The Butler's Son, and posted the first few pages on my deviantart account! How will I be able to continue writing crappy fanfiction if you revoke my author's privileges?

Toon Link: Good point… Okay, then how about we just kill you instead?

Cherry-sama: Er, uh… Aryll? Little help here?

Aryll: _(in barrel)_ Shh!

Cherry-sama: Er… Please read. Meep.

* * *

Light seeped through the crack of the window that was open. It rippled across the leg of a passed out Gonzo. In the center of the room lay our green-eyebrowed heroine, Tetra, sprawled across the floor, Nudge lay collapsed against a wall, and Zuko was crinkled in the corner. Mako sat limply at a table and just below the window lay Senza with his mouth hanging open.

The door at the bottom of the stairs burst open.

"Fine morning, isn't it, Gillian?" a burly man chuckled.

Silence greeted him.

"Gillian?" the burly man walked up a couple of steps.

It wasn't until he reached the top of the stairs when he got his response.

"…Good…morning…" was a woman's weary reply.

The burly man turned to the counter. A young blonde woman had leaned her head on the countertop. There were black circles under her eyes.

"…How are you…Kane?" Gillian slowly got up.

"My goodness, Gillian!" Kane gasped. "You look like something the cat dragged in!"

"I…stayed up…all night…" Gillian yawned. "…Entertaining…guests…"

Kane turned to look at the passed out pirate all around.

"Yes, I can certainly see that…" Kane paused.

"So…" Gillian dragged her feet, "…what will it…be…?"

"Just the regular Zora Coffee, thanks," Kane said. "But man, yesterday did seem like a really long night. I slept like a log through most of it though."

Gillian scratched her butt, "That's…good…"

Kane paused, "I'm sorry, is this a bad time?"

"No, no, no, no, no…" Gillian yawned. "…It's okay… Always…a good idea…to serve the first customer…of the day…"

"…C…Coffee…" Tetra gargled in her sleep.

"Shhhh…" Gillian raised a finger to her lips. "Not now, green eyebrows girl… I'm serving customers…"

Kane raised an eyebrow, "Uhh… Are you sure you're alright, Gillian?"

"Fine. Fine…" Gillian nodded. "Perfectly…fine."

Gillian handed Kane his cup of coffee with a wobbling hand.

"Say," Kane pondered, "aren't those pirates?"

Gillian slowly nodded.

"That would explain the random pirate ship parked right beside the one-man cemetery," Kane shrugged.

"Ship…?" Gillian yawned.

"Er, never mind," Kane chuckled. "It's not that important."

Gillian evidently took this to heart, since Kane subsequently saw her lean her head on the counter again.

"Are you sure you don't want to close up the shop for the day?" Kane sighed.

Gillian nodded.

Kane rolled his eyes, "At least for a couple of hours, Gillian. It'd be for your own good. I bet there's no one else in the whole Great Sea who is more tired than you are."

* * *

Bells rang throughout Forsaken Fortress.

"Turn that dang alarm off!" Ganondorf yelled from his room.

The alarm abruptly halted.

"That's better!" Ganondorf huffed.

Ganondorf walked back over to his desk, and took his seat. Nothing like a good book to keep one awake for the night. He turned his attention to the book that lay open, and began to read at the page he was reading previously. _The Dictator's Guide to Ruling Scattered Island Nations_ was not the most exciting issue in the Dictator's Guide series, however it was currently the most insightful considering the current state of—

A black helicopter landed on the balcony.

"Oh Sand Goddess, not now—" Ganondorf sighed.

"Greetings, sir!" an Iron Knuckle stepped out.

"_Please_ tell me you are the bearer of good news," Ganondorf held his head in his hand.

"That, er…may not be entirely possible…" the Iron Knuckled chuckled nervously. "As it seems I may have scratched the woodwork."

Ganondorf walked out onto the balcony to see several helicopter chopper marks torn throughout the walls. Fresh splinters were scattered across the floor.

Ganondorf grinded his teeth, "You _do_ realize how long it takes the Restoration Spell to repair wood and other plant-like substances?"

"Indeed I am, sir!" the Iron Knuckle nodded. "Twenty minutes."

Ganondorf groaned, "Two _hours_. Under constant supervision by the caster."

"How fascinating, sir!" one could almost hear the Iron Knuckle grin.

Ganondorf face-palmed.

"What of the Pearl?" Ganondorf sighed. "Please tell me it's in that silly flying machine of yours…"

"No, unfortunately not, sir," the Iron Knuckle paused, "but I've come to inform you of the durability of that wall!"

"Oh, for the love of—"

* * *

Flecks of dust flew up as a small, red haired boy swept the floor. He gathered all the bits of random debris into a small pile, and then began flicking them off the edge. He groaned, how did an island without any plant life end up with so many stray twigs and splinters? He swept the last few pieces of debris into the seawater below. Augh. He hated this. He could feel his hands starting to blister…and it had only been ten minutes!

The boy made an irritated noise. He was supposed to guard the prisoners, not be on cleaning duty… And what did Ganondorf mean that he'd 'maybe finally learn something'!

"Better hurry it up, boy~!" came laughter from behind.

"After all, you _wouldn't_ want to make his lordship _angry!_" chuckles began farther back.

He spun around, "Yeah, well, this would go a lot faster if you helped me!"

He glared at the two Wizzrobes floating behind him—one in black, and one in yellow. They began laughing even louder.

"Us? Help _you?_" the black hooded Wizzrobe keeled over from laughing. "How hilarious! Don't you agree?"

"Quite amusing indeed!" the yellow-cloaked Wizzrobe was shedding tears. "Why, dear boy, you never told us you were into comedy!"

"I'm. _Not_," the redhead said behind clenched teeth.

"Sarcasm too!" the yellow Wizzrobe roared. "Boy, you really are _too_ much!"

He waved his broom around, "I have a name, you know!"

"Oh, you're killing me!" the black Wizzrobe giggled. "My ribs! Oh, heavens, my ribs!"

The boy turned his back to them, and began sweeping again. He didn't have time for this.

"Don't you two have something better to do?" he growled.

"No, in all actuality, not really!" the yellow Wizzrobe sounded like he was calming down.

"No?"

"Yes! Hard to believe, isn't it?" the black Wizzrobe giggled. "After all, the football game is on right now, and the two of us find that stuff dreadfully _boring!_"

"So we have to wait until the show is over!" the yellow Wizzrobe chuckled. "And in all honesty, I don't see what the other Wizzrobes see in the sport."

The boy paused, "Wait… The other Wizzrobes are watching football?"

"On the big screen T.V. as well!" the yellow Wizzrobe exclaimed. "Quite the comical situation, isn't it?"

"Why in the heck do the Wizzrobes have a big screen T.V.!" the kid yelled.

The black Wizzrobe raised an eyebrow, "Why in the heck does an Iron Knuckle have a helicopter?"

The boy was at a loss for words.

"Good one, brother!" the yellow Wizzrobe erupted with laughter. "I've got to remember that one for Thursday Night!"

He continued to sweep the floor. "_How hilarious. I've got to remember that one for Thursday Night…Nya nya nyeeeaaaa._" Stupid toucans. He bet they couldn't make an actual joke for the life of them. And why did _they_ get a big screen T.V. ? It's not like they actually _did_ anything, right? And why _does_ that Iron Knuckle have a helicopter? Huh? _Huh?_

The redhead's sweeping grew stronger. Because Ganondorf's stupid, that's why. Wizzrobes? They don't _do _anything, so let's give 'em a big screen T.V. ! Same with that Iron Knuckle! Whaddya do? Give him a helicopter, of course! _Nooo, _don't give the only other person on this rock anything but a broom and a dagger! Why? Because Ganondorf's a big, old, fat stupid lard tub, that's why!

The boy's strokes became faster and faster. He hated this place. Everything about it was so stupid. Ganondorf, the Moblins, the Bokoblins, the Wizzrobes…and even the Iron Knuckles too!

The kid's broom almost went in rhythm with his thoughts. …Just so stupid… Stupid… Stupid… Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid! Stupid! Stupidstupidstupidstupid—

"STUPID!" he finally yelled.

"_Duhhh_… What's stupid?"

The boy turned to see a barrel that had not been there a few seconds prior. He looked over to see two more barrels in front of the Wizzrobes, who were still laughing at their own terrible gags.

"Ready?" the boy could have sworn he heard one barrel whisper.

The other barrel…nodded?

"FIRE!"

All at once, the barrels were flung up in the air to reveal two blonde girls wielding firearms. The redhead's eyes widened as the bodies of the Wizzrobes were littered with a rain of bullets. Though only a couple of seconds had passed, but it felt like forever to the kid. The two Wizzrobes went up in a couple puffs of smoke, leaving a couple of hearts behind. The boy blinked.

"Take that, overly-boisterous, mutated seagulls!" the shorter girl cackled.

"How was my performance this time, Aryll?" the taller one asked.

"Better, but you're aim is still off by 20%," the shorter one nodded. "And I thought I told you to refer to me as General."

"Nothing ever pleases you, does it?" the taller one crossed her arms.

The boy blinked again.

"Agent Maggie, get out from under that barrel, stat!" the shorter one barked. "Failure to assist will be seen as treachery. I'll have you court marshaled."

The redhead turned his head to the other barrel as a girl with brown hair emerged.

"Ha ha ha, _soooorry_," she chuckled.

"Hup to it, ladies," the shortest one huffed. "The guards will be alerted of our escape now."

The shorter blonde girl turned to the boy.

"Well, come on then!" she snapped. "Don't just stand there!"

The boy blinked once more.

"I'm talking to you," she sounded irritated.

He paused, "You're…you're those prisoners!"

"Yeah. Temporarily. Now move, boy, or we'll leave you behind."

The boy was about to say something, but stopped himself. He wasn't _really _a prisoner, he thought. Sure, he may have been brought here against his will, forced to do random chores around the place, and sleep on a cell floor ever since he came, but that didn't necessarily mean he was a prisoner _himself_.

…Plus, Ganondorf would skin the kid alive if he found the boy helping the other prisoners escape.

"But I'm not—"

"Exactly. Now let's go."

Wait, what? Before the redhead could move, all three of the girls had plopped the barrels over their heads again. One of their hands slide through an open knothole, and gestured for the boy to come with them.

The boy crossed his arms. Like heck he would! Ganondorf knows some _pretty_ scary-looking spells!

…But then again, only two of these girls killed those Wizzrobes in seconds flat. The redhead gulped. He pondered if he would go up in a poof of smoke if they…they…

The kid let out an irritable sigh. Great. Just great. Either be scorched alive by the big, fat, tub of lard himself, or be pumped full of lead. The boy bet that no one in the world had it worse than he did right now.

* * *

"AHHH!" Navi screamed. "Another Big Octo?"

* * *

"…And I must tell you, sir," the Iron Knuckle chuckled. "Even though I may not be very good at poker on Card Game Wednesdays, I certainly am good at Go Fish!"

Ganondorf's gaze did not waver from the spell he wove over the damaged room.

"Or, at least, I thought that was the case. I just don't understand how they can tell I'm about to get a set of four," the Iron Knuckle pondered. "Maybe the boys are psychic, and aren't telling me—"

Ganondorf's eyebrow twitched. "What have I told you about speaking to me while I'm performing magic?"

"Oh, I know, my lord, but I swear, I smell a conspiracy…" the Iron Knuckle pondered. "Wait! What if they're all cheating?"

"Sir!"

Ganondorf turned his head slightly and saw part of the Iron Knuckle in the cape he promoted a month or so back.

"The prisoners have escaped, sir!" the second Iron Knuckle reported.

"Why does he get a cape and I don't?" the Iron Knuckle without the cape asked.

"What? How did they escape the magic barrier the Wizzrobes set up?" Ganondorf yelled.

"Sir, I believe it was you who ordered that the Wizzrobes to take down the barrier once the new cell had been put up," the caped Iron Knuckle explained.

"Right," Ganondorf sighed. "Well, then how did they escape this time? I _thought_ they were under tight guard. Three Bokoblins if I recall correctly?"

The caped Iron Knuckle nodded, "Three indeed, sir. You wanted it to be under the tightest of guard, if I recall, sir. Except that one boy. He's sweeping the floors last you ordered—"

"Then why does this keep happening?" Ganondorf growled. "Are three Bokoblins not enough?"

"Negative, sir," the caped Iron Knuckle said. "I saw one of them sleeping on the job when I went in for the status report. The other two were shot down with a rail gun."

"Bokoblins," the first Iron Knuckle chuckled. "Can't trust them to do anything right. Now, us Iron Knuckles on the other hand…"

"Sir, if I may offer my opinion, sir, I suggest we tighten the guard further," the caped Iron Knuckle nodded. "That is, after we retrieve the prisoners."

"Very well, then," Ganondorf sighed. "Send a couple of Moblins to replace the Bokoblins. Also, send a Wizzrobe in with them…magic seemed to work against the girls last time…"

"But, my lord," the first Iron Knuckle looked confused. "Iron Knuckles are _surely_ more than enough for the job—"

"Is it truly necessary to send a patrol of Iron Knuckles to guard three _little girls_?" Ganondorf asked.

"Oh," the first Iron Knuckle gulped. "Forgive me, sir."

The Iron Knuckle in the cape snickered a little bit. The first Iron Knuckle nudged his superior in the side. A loud 'clang' ensued.

"What of their motivation?" Ganondorf asked. "Have you discovered _that_ much, yet?"

"Unfortunately not, sir," the caped Iron Knuckle said. "Based on observation, though, I'd say they're trying to overthrow you. However, for some strange reason, they have yet to make it past that large bird of yours."

"Helmaroc King," Ganondorf corrected.

"Right, sir," the first Iron Knuckle saluted. "Er…is that a new ranking you're giving me, sir?"

The caped Iron Knuckle smacked the first over the head. Another loud 'clang' ensued.

"That's the name his lordship gave the bird, you ignoramus," the caped Iron Knuckle hissed.

"Er, uh…roger that!" the first Iron Knuckle chuckled nervously.

Ganondorf rolled his eyes. "Get back on the Great Sea and do something productive. Preferably as far away from here as possible."

"Yes, sir!" the Iron Knuckle beamed.

With that, the first Iron Knuckle got into his helicopter and flew off.

The caped Iron Knuckle raised an eyebrow, "Sir, may I inquire as to why—"

"What have I told you about speaking to me while I'm performing magic?"

* * *

'_Oh, and player Willy Bones of the Stalfos Stampeders kicks the ball…and… Touchdown!'_

A roar of joyous laughter erupted from the T.V. room.

'_Well, Bob, looks like the Runaway Redeads are heading straight for another loss.'_

'_Definitely, Jim, definitely. What can I say? The Runaway Redeads have never been the best team.'_

_'I've got to agree with you there, Bob. And by the sounds of it, they're quite sore losers too. I can hear them shrieking already.'_

A barrel snuck up to the doorframe. An eye peered out from an open knothole. With a quick jiggle, it signaled something behind it. Three more barrels trotted up, and then plopped themselves down over their feet again.

With another quick jiggle from the first barrel, all the barrels got up and began moving again. Most of the barrels walked in unison, the last one being the exception, which trotted clumsily behind. It was at a slightly faster pace than the other three, so it wasn't long before it bumped into the barrel in front of it. Both these barrels stopped in their tracks, and hid their feet again.

After a small pause, the one that got crashed into got up again, and turned to the barrel behind it.

"Uncivilized barbarian!" came a harsh whisper.

With that, the peeved barrel stormed off.

"Hey!" came a muffled reply. "It's not _my_ fault! I'm new at this!"

"Shh!" came from the leading barrel.

The last barrel muttered insults under its breath, and irritably marched forward.

What was he _doing_ there anyways, the last barrel thought to himself. This whole thing was ridiculous—he could just lift this off of his head, stride right into the T.V. Room and no one would care. Seriously. No one bat an eye. What was the point hiding?

'_Oh! Would you look at that, Jim! Rebecca Redead has got Stanley Stalfos in a headlock!'_

"Fight! Fight! Come on, boys! Give us a jolly good fight, now!" chanted the Wizzrobes in the other room.

_'Looks like the referee has finally decided to step in, but OH! Look now! The referee is frozen in his tracks by the Rebecca's shriek alone!'_

The room behind the barrel erupted in laughter. The barrel sighed. Wizzrobes watching the Super Cauldron was an event very much worth hiding (or shielding your eyes) from.

"Try to keep up, soldier!" came from ahead.

The last barrel peered through its small knothole to see the other three barrels waiting for it by the door. The barrel grumbled and ran to catch up. It halted a little too late, and crashed into the same barrel again.

"Oh, I've had it up to here!" the barrel huffed.

The barrel lifted itself up off of a tall girl in a pink dress.

"Agent Mila!" the leader barrel hissed. "Do you want us to get discovered?"

"We're already loitering by the door," Mila rolled her eyes. "If we wish to pass through, then we'll have to shed our disguises anyway!"

"_Miiiiillllaaaa's_ got a point," the second barrel said.

Mila glared at the second barrel, "I forbid you from speaking my name like that agai—"

"Wait, wait, wait," the last barrel could have sworn it missed something, "why do we have to get rid of the disguises to get through the door?"

"It's part of the programming," the first barrel explained.

The first barrel lifted itself up to reveal a girl smaller than the first.

"But that doesn't make sense!" the last barrel protested.

"Come on," the girl said. "We've got to get a move on, before the guards make their rounds here."

With that, the first girl opened the door, and proceeded into the next room. The second barrel revealed a brown haired girl in rags, who followed the first.

"Word of advice," Mila whispered to the last barrel, "when that peasant girl, Aryll, is preoccupied on this military charade of hers, she has this annoying habit of ignoring you. It's generally better if you just keep your mouth shut…no matter how irritating she may be."

The last barrel lifted itself up to reveal a tanned, red haired boy.

"That's stupid," the boy huffed, "Why should I take orders from her at all?"

Mila rolled her eyes, "Isn't it obvious? No…I suppose you're too dense to figure something like this out on your own…"

"Excuse me?" the red head growled.

"She's plotting to overthrow…_him_…" Mila whispered. "The lord who maintains this fortress."

The boy gulped, "You mean…Ganondorf?"

"Who else could she be after?" Mila huffed. "It's not like she'd have reason to attack anyone else _but_ our captor!"

"Well, I guess," the boy huffed. "But why?"

"That I have yet to figure out," Mila groaned, "but for some reason, it seems she has quite the vendetta against him."

"And _how old_ is she?"

"Eight, apparently."

The redhead's jaw hung open. He stared at Mila.

"Look, it's not like I like her or anything," Mila crossed her arms. "I do admire her determination. And, frankly, I want to get off this island more than anyone else does."

The redhead hadn't thought about that. He paused. With Ganondorf out of the way, he'd have no problems with leaving the island whenever he pleased, and would have to help with those strange girl-napping missions. Maybe then he'd be able to go back to his island. That would be n—

The small girl's head peeked out the door. She glared at them.

"There you are!" she huffed. "I was two rooms ahead before I realized that you two were A.W.O.L."

"Sorry, Aryll," the red head sighed. "That is your name, right?"

"That's 'General' to you," Aryll said.

Aryll slammed the door behind her as quietly as possible.

"So, um, I guess we follow?" the red head pause.

"Unless you have any better ideas," Mila huffed.

The red head opened the door and closed it behind him. Mila followed shortly after, muttering something about male chauvinist pigs. Aryll looked around the room, staring pensively at the hanging lanterns.

"Say…" Aryll raised an eyebrow. "Has anyone seen where Agent Maggie went off too?"

* * *

A lone barrel trotted up the stairs and stopped. It pulled itself off to reveal a young brown-haired girl. She walked over to the Moblin on guard, and tapped it on the shoulder. It turned around swiftly, only to see the brunette staring back at it. It relaxed.

"Hiii, Moe~" Maggie blushed.

"Hiya, Mandolin!" Moe, the Moblin waved.

"It's _Maaaggie,_" Maggie smiled.

"Oh, dat's wright," Moe chuckled. "I thought it soundeded more like cupcakes."

There was a brief pause.

"Mmmm… _Cupcakes…_" Moe drooled.

"I bet I could make you some really good cuuupcakes," Maggie giggled.

"I bet you would be really good cupcakes," Moe smacked his lips.

Maggie looked, like, _reaaaaaally_ deep into Moe's eyes. Moe looked back into hers, and he was droooooling a lot, but Maggie didn't care. But then she, uhh, noticed the necklace around Moe's neck. It had a skullll, and it was all orange and stuff. It looked real _neaaaat_.

"Hey, can I have that?" Maggie pointed to the necklace.

"Yup! Sure thing," Moe grinned. "I've gots a bazillions of these anyway."

DUH DUH DUH NUUUUUUHHHH! Agent Maggie got a Skull Necklace. Hmmm… I wonder if this is relevant to the plot later…

"Can I eat you now?" Moe asked.

"_Ohhhh,_" Maggie blushed, "you're so…_booolllddd_~"

"Do you want me slather Green Chu Jelly all over you?" Moe asked.

"Sooorry," Maggie was red like a tomato, "now's not the time, Moe."

"Aw, shucks," Moe sighed.

"'Cause you know whaaat?" Maggie asked.

"Uh, what?" Moe smiled.

"I think this girl I'm sneaking out with wants to take out your _bosss_," Maggie explained.

"Naw," Moe waved his hand. "It'll never happen. Yup! You see, none of those gals are his type!"

"No… Seriously…she has a bazooka and everything," Maggie said.

"Where are those other gals of yurs anyways?" Moe looked around.

"Oh, that's right," Maggie gulped. "I should be getting baaack to them."

"Awww, do ya have to?" Moe frowned.

"Sorry," Maggie sighed. "It's the bazooka and all…"

"Okaaay," Moe said.

Maggie walked over to the corner, and pulled the barrel back over her head. Moe turned around, and pretended not to see the barrel waddle away.

* * *

Aryll peeked out the window. She examined the landscape. Her eyes scanned the landscape a second time. And then her eyes traveled over the terrain a third time, just for good measure. She pulled her head in again, then turned to her fellow comrades.

"It's no use, girls," Aryll sighed. "We're just going to have to assume that Maggie's M.I.A."

"M.I.A. ?" Mila hissed. "We can't assume that!"

"And I'm not a girl," the red headed boy piped up.

"Agent Mila," Aryll raised both eyebrows, "do you even know what M.I.A. stands for?"

"Well, uh, no," Mila huffed. "But if Maggie had been captured, we would have heard the alarms go off or something!"

"True, true," Aryll nodded. "Agent Maggie has always been the stealthier out of the two of you."

"Hey, just because I usually get captured first does not have anything to do with stealth!" Mila protested.

"Actually, yes it does," the boy added. "It's a lot easier to pick out your pink dress from the stone walls than her potato sack thing is."

"He's got a point there, Agent Mila," Aryll said.

"Thank you," the redhead huffed.

"That's 'General' to you," Aryll corrected.

"How dare you!" Mila growled. "I'll have you know that this dress is made from imported silk from the Forest Haven! And I'll also have you note this price is well over…"

The boy sat down. It was never a good idea to get in the cross fire of two women in a heated argument. He recalled the times his mother got in intense debates with other women from the island, over who cooked the best pies and whatnot.

As the minutes ticked on the redhead found it harder and harder to keep his eyelids open. He looked out the nearby window—surely the sun had moved a _little_ bit. He gazed upon the moon. Oh, right. Permanent nighttime.

The boy turned his head back to the two nattering girls. Truth be told, it was that Mila girl who was doing most of the talking. It seemed that Aryll too had become bored for she was discreetly polishing a handgun. If the boy were her, he would point the pistol at Mila to get her to shut up. Or better yet shoot her. The boy's eyelids stayed half open—half glaring at the little blonde girl. Some master of weaponry _she_ was. He bet even Karas was having more fun than he was right now.

The redhead yawned idly. All was quiet, except for the constant nagging of the Mila, and the cry of a seagull that came from behind. Must be the open window, he thought.

A shot rang out. Aryll had the gun pointed in his direction. With a newfound adrenaline rush, he leapt to his feet.

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" he quivered.

Aryll pulled the trigger once more. It was the end. He knew it. He was gonna die. He was—

"Hold still, you little…!" Aryll hissed.

The redhead paused. He was holding still. He looked out the window to see the seagull, wearing a green army helmet and a stick of dynamite in its claws. With another bang, the boy saw blood splash out, and the bird fall into a downward spiral.

The boy watched as the bird hit the water. "…Don't you think that was a little cruel?"

Aryll blew the smoke coming from the end of the pistol. Ohhh… If only he _knew_!

Mila held her chest. "My Golden Goddesses, Aryll! Give me some warning before you do that!"

Aryll glared at Mila. "We've been over this."

Mila rolled her eyes. "My apologies, _General._"

The boy slide down the wall, eyes wide open. Th…that just happened. Holy Helmaroc crap, he could not believe that just happened. He could have died! That bullet could have hit him between the eyes if Aryll wanted—

Maggie came through the door. "Hiii, guys."

Both Mila and the redhead looked at Maggie with already widened eyes.

Maggie blinked. "Is this a bad time?"

"Of course not, Agent," Aryll twirled the gun around her finger.

"I guess this means we're not leaving without her," the boy chuckled nervously.

"My goodness, Maggie!" Mila breathed heavily. "Where have you been?"

"Oh, you know," Maggie smiled. "_Abooouuut._"

"You weren't fraternizing with the enemy, were you?" Aryll looked at Maggie suspiciously.

"Ha ha ha, nooo," Maggie grinned. "I would never do that. Whatever that it is you said."

"Excellent," Aryll said. "Now, there's no doubt that the enemy heard that just now. So, here's the plan…"

The redhead sighed with relief. Planning time. Finally, he was getting a break from all this stupid action. He smiled. This was going to be good.

A door burst open. Three Bokoblins stepped out, all of which looked very confused.

"…Shoot like THERE'S NO TOMORROW!" Aryll yelled.

Aryll pulled out a HK MP7, and shot like the dickens. Maggie and Mila too pulled out their own M1911s, and joined in with the shooting.

The boy fainted.

* * *

Link burst through the door. Lenzo turned around.

"Ah, welcome young Link!" Lenzo chuckled. "What can I do for you today?"

Link pulled out the bottle he had gotten when charting out Bomb Isle. Within it was a small firefly that glowed several different colours.

"I hope this was what you needed for to make my Pictobox shoot in colour," Link said. "I'd hate to sail all the way back to Forest Haven again."

Navi held her head in her hands, "The Zubat Method knows no bounds."

"Is… Is that…?" Lenzo gasped. "…Why I feared the secret light had been extinguished forever! Is that truly one of the long-fabled Forest Fireflies?"

"Wait," Navi pondered. "If this is little guy is so sought after, is he really a Firefly?"

"I thought it looked a lot like you, Navi," Link said. "Guess the Tax Collectors didn't get everyone."

Navi paused. "Great, now I feel like a sell out."

"Oh, glory!" Lenzo seemed too absorbed in glee. "My fine assistant, Link… For ages, it has been said that the Forest Fireflies possess a mystical power. For your efforts, I shall place this one inside your box!"

Lenzo held out his hand expectantly. Link glared at it.

"Come on now, hand me your Picto Box, if only for a moment…" Lenzo said.

"You won't _steal_ this like you did my Still Life in the Form of the Mundane collection?" Link asked.

"My Farore," Navi groaned, "you're _still_ upset about that?"

"Just give it to me," Lenzo glared at the boy.

Link handed the Pictobox to Lenzo. Lenzo turned his back and began fidgeting with the camera equipment.

"And with that…" Lenzo said to himself.

Lenzo spun around and handed the Pictobox back to Link. DUH DUH DUH NUUUUUUHHHH! Link got a Colour Pictobox! Now all his pictures will be in colour! Lucky him!

"Oh-ho! Now, those pictographs of yours that have forever lacked the scintillating palette of life should henceforth show the world as it was meant to be—in living colour!" Lenzo exclaimed.

"I…I…I…" Link's eyes watered.

"Oh, what now?" Navi sighed.

"I can't believe this is happening to me…" Link rubbed his eyes. "Sorry, dust in my eye."

"Hmm, now…" Lenzo muttered to himself. "That was quite an easy thing to do after all!"

"Link, it's just a Pictobox, I don't see what's so special—" Navi began.

Both Link and Lenzo glared at Navi.

Navi paused, "I'll go wait outside."

Navi opened the door and slammed it behind her…somehow.

"…Ah, well. Such is life," Lenzo smiled. "Now go out there and snap pictographs. Snap them in colour for me, for all the years I spent unable to do so! Go to it, Link!"

"Yes, sir!" Link exclaimed.

Link strode confidently out the door.

* * *

The redheaded boy awoke to the sound of crashing waves. His eyes cracked open. His body was leaning up against a thick stone railing. One of the three spotlights was in front of him, manned by Maggie. At least, he was pretty sure that was her name. He turned his head slightly. Beside him stood that Mila girl, looking out over the water. He squinted. Where was that other chick, Aryll? Pardon, _General_ Aryll. He spotted her off by the other side of the ledge.

"So…uh…what?" the boy blinked.

"Oh good," Mila said, "you're awake."

Mila turned to face Aryll.

"Ary—Er…General!" Mila called out. "This scruffy ruffian has awoken!"

Aryll nodded, and began to walk over.

"I'm scruffy, am I?" the boy sounded unimpressed.

"Just look at that hair," Mila huffed. "_When_ was the last time you combed it?"

The boy paused. He hadn't thought about that. Aryll now stood in front of him.

"Excellent," Aryll said. "Are you ready for duty?"

"I…I guess?" he asked.

Aryll nodded, "Excellent. Now, I want you to pay close attention to what I—"

"Just hold on one minute here!" the boy glared at Aryll. "Where are we?"

"You're telling us that you don't recognize this barbaric rock?" Mila asked. "I presumed that you had been around here longer than we have! If _you _don't know where we are, then how is that street rat, Maggie—"

The boy sighed, "No. That's not what I… Gah. Never mind. How'd I get here?"

"I ordered Agents Maggie and Mila to carry you after you passed out like a sissy," Aryll reported.

"And let me tell you," Mila huffed, "your feet were _no_ basket of popery."

"Hey! I'm not a sissy!" the boy protested. "I'm no _girl!_"

Both Aryll, Maggie, and Mila glared at the boy. The spotlights pivoted out of position.

"Oh…" he paused. "I keep forgetting that you three are girls."

"Agent Maggie!" Aryll barked. "Are you slacking on the job?"

"Sorry," came Maggie's distant reply.

The spotlights got back into proper position.

"Aryll, I've been meaning to ask you…" Mila began.

"Eh _hem_!" Aryll tapped her foot.

Mila rolled her eyes, "General, why did you request to keep the spotlight running?"

"That's a good point," the redhead paused. "Why is Maggie running the spotlight?"

"It is so that we do not arouse suspicion," Aryll said. "If _he_ notices that one of the spotlights is out of order for an extended period time, then his forces would be summoned to our current position to investigate."

"Which is reaaal smart of you, General," Maggie said from afar.

"Why thank you, Agent," Aryll grinned smugly.

The boy decided the grin Aryll had when she got her ego stroked was one of the scariest things he'd ever seen.

"Why is it that we're waiting around like this?" the boy asked.

"Most importantly, we needed to make sure that everyone is conscious. But now is a time to regroup and make sure that everyone is aware of our strategy," Aryll explained. "We must use it wisely."

"Okay…" the boy paused. "So, uh, now what?"

"We sneak past security and make our way to the top," Aryll nodded.

Aryll pointed near the peak of the Fortress.

"Sounds good to me," Maggie hiccupped.

"Let's just hope we can succeed," Mila huffed, "unlike last time."

"Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait…" the boy spoke up. "Am I missing something here?"

"Do you need me to repeat that, lieutenant?" Aryll asked.

"No!" the boy groaned. "That's not what I meant! What I mean is why didn't you—er, we do that in the first place?"

"If we had attempted that heist right after we would have been captured, we would have wound up back where we started," Aryll explained. "And while he is evil, the enemy is not stupid. Clearly he knows that we've been plotting to take him out, and probably doubled the security to keep us from our destination."

Wow, the boy thought. Aryll really knew Ganondorf well.

"Is _that _why we're out here?" Mila yelled. "You told us we were looking for your brother! To see if he was still being held prisoner!"

"Uh, _yeaah_," Maggie piped up.

"That was my other reason," Aryll said. "But I doubted that he would be still out here after what happened."

The boy paused. That other guy was Aryll's brother? Ouch, the redhead flinched. Now he felt bad for probably leaving the guy dead in the ocean somewhere. Well, not really.

"Do you have any other questions?" Aryll asked. "Or may we begin our counter strike?"

"N-no," the redhead paused. "I think I'm good."

Aryll smiled, "Affirmative. Agent Maggie, stop what you're doing. We have to be long gone before the next shift starts."

"Aye aye," Maggie said. "I was gettin' kinda tirrred anyway."

"Everyone follow me!" Aryll called out. "Post haste!"

* * *

"Got any queens?"

"Go fish."

Jolene and Black Beard sat in a dimly lit room, in the bottom of the pirate ship. Each held a handful of cards, and a pile of cards rested between them. Jolene looked at her hand, and then picked up a random card. She put the card in with the rest, making sure that they were in they're numeric order.

"You know, that authoress has got to learn how to play poker," Black Beard huffed. "That way her characters would be able to play something more than 'Go Fish' all the time."

"Say…" Jolene chewed her bubblegum, "where do you think the other guys are? The meeting technically started half an hour ago…"

"Ya think I know?" Black Beard chewed his snuff. "Got any eights?"

Jolene shook her head. Black Beard picked up another card.

"Ya think it's still mornin'?" Black Beard asked.

"Outside?" Jolene asked. "No, it has to be past noon at least."

"Hmm," Black Beard grunted. "Either way, I'm as alert as a Big Octo right now."

"I know what you mean," Jolene said. "Last night was the best sleep I've had in ages. It's almost like the night was longer somehow."

"Do ya think them scallywags were dumb enough ta stay up all night?" Black Beard asked.

"Tch. No way," Jolene huffed.

A silence fell between them.

"As I recall," Jolene paused, "you were looking for some eights?"

"Darn it!" Black Beard growled.

Black Beard handed over the three eights he held in his hand. Jolene beamed, and stacked the four cards beside the other two stacks.

"I don't suppose you have any of them Kings, now do ya?" Black Beard growled.

"Nope," Jolene beamed.

Black Beard grumbled, then picked up a card. His face lit up.

"Never ye mind, Missy," Black Beard smiled. "I got what I asked fer."

Jolene's smile was wiped off her face as Black Beard put his pile of Kings with the other stack. Another silence fell between them.

"You know," Jolene paused, "I bet they're out plundering."

"Who?"

"The other members," Jolene said. "I bet they're out plundering…stealing…"

"…Gettin' proper pirate booty…" Black Beard trailed off.

"…Without us."

There was pause.

"Well, good for them," Jolene huffed. "It just shows that they just couldn't take it anymore, and they're…what was the word?"

"Relapsin'," Black Beard spat onto the floor.

"Exactly," Jolene said. "This just proves that we're better than they are! _We _haven't given into our evils. _We_ haven't become crazed lunatics like they have! Who cares if they're out getting treasure?"

"…Shiny treasure…" Black Beard added.

"…With gold," Jolene blew a large bubble, "and silver…"

"And more rupees than we can count…" Black Beard drooled.

There was another pause.

"Aw, screw it," Jolene's bubble popped. "Get your ship. We're leaving."

* * *

Four barrels crept along the spotlight-riddled platform. A spotlight skimmed ever closer to the barrels. They all halted in they're tracks, and little clouds of dust formed at they're bases. The spotlight passed overhead. The barrels moved a foot farther before stopping again. The other spotlight rippled over them. The barrel at the front waited for it to be safe, before signaling the other three. They began to walk over to the opposing wall again.

"How much farther?" the barrel on the end whispered.

"Quiet!" the first barrel snapped.

The second barrel began to shush the last barrel, but they all stopped before another spotlight could catch them.

As soon as everything was clear, the barrels began moving once more. They crept along until they reached the far wall. The first barrel looked around, and then pulled itself off to reveal Aryll. She walked along and knocked lightly on the top of each of the other barrels. The last barrel jumped. Almost immediately, the other barrels pulled the barrels off to reveal Maggie and Mila. Mila turned to the last barrel.

"Don't just sit there!" she whispered. "Get out from under that barrel this instant!"

"She could have given me warning first!" the barrel huffed.

The barrel pulled itself off to reveal the redheaded boy.

"Don't woooorry," Maggie grinned. "You'll get _usssed_ to it."

"Hmm…" Aryll pondered. "Security on the inside is tighter than on the outside."

Aryll spun around. The boy stopped adjusting his vest, Mila stopped fiddling around with her hair, and Maggie stopped picking her nose.

"How good are all of you at climbing walls?" Aryll asked.

Mila could have exploded, "C-Climbing _walls?_ How preposterous! I've never climbed a wall in my life!"

"Then now's a good a time as any to learn," Aryll said. "And keep quiet! Do you want them to hear us?"

"It's just this whole thing is just…" Mila mumbled to herself.

"Okay, so here's the plan," Aryll looked at the group members fiercely. "What we do is climb up the wall. As soon as we get to an open window, then whoever needs a rest, can take a five second break. No more, no less. Then, when we get to the top, we'll take him down once and for all!"

Aryll pulled out a couple of claw like things.

"You'll all need some of these," Aryll nodded.

Aryll handed two to each of them.

"If my father knew what I was up to right now," Mila grumbled, "he'd have a heart attack! I just know it!"

"Tch," the boy snickered. "If my dad knew what I was up to right now, he'd beg us to let him in on the fun."

"Your father certainly does not sound like the most _civilized_ man," Mila huffed.

"Well, actually, I guess he's not too—"

"Save the chit chat for later," came Aryll's harsh whisper. "Remember, we still have work to do."

Right, the boy remembered. He was on a mission. A mission to overtake Ganondorf. This was no time to talk of his family. It was an irrelevant topic now, anyway.

He looked up. He could see Ganondorf's abode looming above him. The boy frowned. That was a _long_ way up. He looked at the claw things he held. His hands would be killing him by the end of this. But it was worth it, right?

The boy looked at Aryll. She was babbling on about something to the other two girls. Probably instructing them on how to climb walls. He had the feeling that he should have been listening, but he didn't feel like it.

He had to commend her, though. Her head was only up to his shoulders, but she was already leading a mission to assassinate someone. She was kind of like this super tank girl, he guessed. He still couldn't figure out why she shot that one seagull though. Heck, if she wasn't plotting against Ganondorf, he thought, he'd probably never go near her. Or _want _to go near her.

Aryll. Even though she was absolutely insane, they were both after the same thing. They both wanted Ganondorf dead. That was all that mattered here. And with Ganondorf out of the way, he and Karas could do whatever they wanted. Heck, after tonight, they never had to listen to anything anyone said.

He could be…free.

No one to tell him what to do. No one to watch his every move. No one to boss him around like he was some little kid.

No one to watch over him. No one to protect him. No certain place to get food or shelter.

Free.

He looked at Aryll. Aryll: a small, blonde haired girl, who just happened to have way too many explosives on hand. Who was she? Did she really have any idea of who she was challenging? This was Ganondorf they were up against. Sure, the boy didn't know much about the guy, except that he had the same name as one person in the legends. However, he had seen Ganondorf light his hands on fire without getting hurt. He had seen Ganondorf bring all those many, many, monsters to life with his own hands. And this was all stuff he could without lifting a finger. He was probably ten times scarier when _seriously_ battling.

Could they really win?

…

No. No one could. It was impossible.

The redhead straightened up. This mission was doomed from the start. Dang it! He had been so stupid for letting himself get played along like this. What was he thinking? The boy paused, remembering the Wizzrobes getting shot to bits. Oh right—he wasn't thinking.

But, crap. What would he do from here? He couldn't go along with Aryll's plan (he couldn't climb walls, anyway). Ganondorf would skin him alive for sure.

Then there was that bazooka of Aryll's. If he just asked Aryll if he could leave, she'd probably blast his head off or something.

"Oy! Stop spacing out!" Aryll whispered.

The boy jumped at Aryll's outburst, and then paused. His face lit up. That was it. The Element of Surprise. The boy's face hardened with his determination. He still had a chance. And, he thought, he'd better not mess this one up.

The red headed boy seized Aryll's arm, and ran out toward the spotlights. The dash caught Aryll off guard, and swept her off her feet.

"What are you—" Aryll gaped.

He sped out toward the nearest spotlight. Aryll planted her right foot down, and made several attempts to kick him with her left. He held to her wrist tighter, his grasp almost bruising her.

"Have you gone mad?" Aryll yelled.

With her free hand, she reached for her pistol on her belt, but her hand ricocheted off since she had not yet taken off the wall climbing claw. The light from the spotlight swung away from them. He stopped and glared at her.

"It's you who's gone mad!" the boy yelled back. "You don't have a rat's chance in a vulture's nest against him! None of us do!"

Their eyes remained locked, even as the spotlight poured over them. Alarm bells rang throughout Forsaken Fortress. The boy let go of Aryll's arm.

"Strange…" he let out a weak chuckle. "For being armed to the teeth, you have next to no physical strength."

Several guards came from all directions. Aryll, unnerved, stomped as hard as she could on the boy's foot. His flinch made him take a step back.

"Owww!" the redhead winced. "Hey!"

Then she round-house kicked him to the face.

"He's insane!" Aryll called out behind her. "Tranquilize him, ladies! TRANQUILIZE HIM!"

The boy clutched his face. Aryll had given the other girls had _tranquilizers?_

After a couple of shots, the boy felt a sharp twinge of pain coming from his leg. Another followed. He looked down to see two small darts sticking out of his leg. Dang it all. She really had…give the other girls…tranquil…liz…_errrrsss_…

What the boy remembered after that was a huge blur. A Bokoblin had caught him. He assumed that he had fallen over. A couple more twinges of pain. Maybe the Bokoblin pulled the darts out too? He remembered seeing two splotches of blue going over to a pink splotch and a slightly lighter grey splotch. That was probably when Mila and Maggie were taken away. And he was pretty sure his feet dragged along the floor when they took him away. That would explain why the back of his shoes were so dirty, and why his feet felt so sore when he woke up.

But the one thing he could remember vividly was the expression on Aryll's face. A stone cold glare. Even as the guards restrained her, and as they towed her away, her glare didn't waver.

* * *

The boy's eyes cracked open. The ceiling he stared at comprised of wooden planks. He sighed—he was back in his cell, wasn't he? Wait, no. The ceiling of his cell was made of stone, not wood. He moved his arm a little bit. He wasn't laying on the usual straw, but on something softer. Fabric? He stretched his hand, and touched what he was laying on. Yup. Fabric all right.

He frowned, his eyes still half shut. He obviously wasn't in his cell, but he couldn't think of any other place they would dump him. So, where the crap was he?

"Are you awake yet, boy?" came a familiar growl.

The boy's eyes shot open. No, he couldn't be in the…! Ganondorf would never allow him to…!

A large shadow crept over him. He stared right into the eyes of Ganondorf, whose eyes almost glowed from his silhouette.

"Answer when I speak to you," Ganondorf said.

The boy gulped and nodded. Ganondorf walked a few steps away.

"Rise," Ganondorf demanded.

The redheaded boy lifted himself off the cloth in which he lay. He sat as upright as he could, despite how numb his one leg still was.

The boy looked around. He glanced to his disbelief; he was in Ganondorf's abode. The walls all around him were that from the broken pirate ship he had flown over several times before. Scattered across the room were ripped tapestries and several other trinkets. In the far corner was a large bookshelf, filled with proportionately large books. Not too far off was a desk of sorts, which also comprised of spare wooden planks, awkwardly placed together. Apart from the ship being so broken down, the boy thought to himself, it looked rather cozy.

He looked at what he sat on, a large coat on top of a long crate. He frowned. Ganondorf's coat. He quickly tried to stand up and off of the coat, but he fell over on his numb leg.

Ganondorf merely glanced over his shoulder, "I'm surprised at what you did, considering your lack of wit."

Oh crap, the boy thought. That was the reason he was here. The kid scrabbled to his feet.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," he spluttered. "I know I was supposed to sweep the floors and all, but when I saw the other girls I just—"

"No explanation is necessary," Ganondorf said.

The boy gulped. He crawled his way up while leaning against the nearest wall, since his leg was still numb from whatever was in those darts. The boy stared at the bookshelf and began pondering which one of those many spells Ganondorf was going to use to kill him.

The large man turned to the boy.

Ganondorf paused, "I must…_congratulate_ you on your efforts."

The boy knew it was the end. Ganondorf had probably spent the last half hour or so looking for just the spell to—wait, what did he say?

"R…really?" the boy asked.

"Indeed," the edge of Ganondorf's lip twitched. "We had been searching high and low for the prisoners for quite a few hours. It was quite the surprise when you and the small one showed up in the spotlights."

A smile emerged on the boy's face. Ganondorf? _Praising _him? Was this really happening?

The boy pinched his arm. It may have been a little numb too, but it hurt.

"I'm just at a loss as to why you did not turn them in earlier," Ganondorf paused.

"Oh! Uh…" the boy paused. "I was, er…"

"Planning on getting close to them so you could learn their strategies?" Ganondorf added.

"Yes! Exactly!" the boy exclaimed.

Ganondorf stared at the boy. The kid stood upright, almost fully regaining the feeling in his leg.

"…I find that hard to believe," Ganondorf finally said.

"No! I swear! That's exactly what I was thinking at the time!" the redhead exclaimed.

"If that is the case," Ganondorf turned to the boy, "then would you care to explain in detail what you have learned."

"R-right," the boy nodded.

The redheaded boy swallowed. Crap. What did he learn from Aryll? He paused.

"We…uh…just…" he stammered, "Oh! Wait! There was something! The barrels!"

"Barrels?" Ganondorf raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah!" the boy's face lit up. "The smaller one, she was the leader, see? And she led us around in barrels to avoid detection!"

"Hmm…" Ganondorf paused. "That never occurred to me. I'll have to make note of it."

The boy paused, "Question: why do you even have a whole bunch of hollowed out barrels scattered around the fortress anyway?"

There was a long silence.

"This is my questioning period," Ganondorf sounded annoyed, "not yours."

"Oh, er, right," the redhead flinched. "Anyway, they used the barrels to avoid getting caught and stuff…"

"That still begs the question as to why they were discovered where they were, as opposed to heading up to my abode," Ganondorf growled.

"Er…" the boy bit his lip. "Oh, I know! One of the other girls said that they were scouting out the farther areas to look for the smaller one's brother!"

"Looking for her brother?" Ganondorf asked.

"And to avoid detection," the boy nodded. "The smaller one said that too."

"I see…" Ganondorf paused. "That explains why the guards were unable to find them, and who that boy was earlier."

The boy pointed to himself with a confused expression on his face.

"No, not you," Ganondorf turned away.

"Oh, sorry," the boy blushed a little.

Ganondorf just groaned in response.

"Anyway, she smallest one seemed to know exactly what she was doing," the boy paused. "She even suggested we climb up the walls to avoid the other guards. She handed out some wall claw thingies."

"She had wall climbing tools at her disposal?" Ganondorf asked.

"She has a whole bunch of guns at her disposal, doesn't she?" the boy added.

"Not anymore," Ganondorf said. "We confiscated them, and hid them in another part of the fortress."

The boy rolled his eyes. _That _wouldn't stop Aryll for long.

"Well, I must say," Ganondorf began, "it was clever of you to accompany those girls as you did, even though if was out of the line of order. I didn't know you had enough brain power to think of it."

The boy smiled, "T-Thank you."

"Don't get cocky," Ganondorf snapped.

The boy made a small 'meep' sound as he recoiled.

"Under the circumstances," Ganondorf said, "it would not be _entirely_ unreasonable to grant you a request."

"A…request?" the redhead asked.

"Yes," Ganondorf said. "I shall grant you any request—"

"Can I have the fortress?"

"—within _reason._"

"Oh."

The boy paused. One request, anything he wanted from Ganondorf. Except the fortress, the boy frowned, he couldn't have that. The boy closed his eyes, and thought for a while.

"I'll give you one hour to think about it," Ganondorf began, "Anything longer than that—"

The boy opened his eyes.

"No, I'm ready now," he said.

"Very well then," Ganondorf turned to the boy. "What is it you want?"

"I don't want to sleep in that one cell anymore," the boy said.

Ganondorf rolled his eyes, "If you think you're getting a bunk in here, then you're sorely mistaken—"

"No, not here either," the boy said.

Ganondorf gave the boy a puzzled expression.

The boy swallowed, "I…I want to sleep by the nest of the, er, Helmrock King was it?"

"Helmaroc King," Ganondorf corrected. "And I understand that you think you have some sort of ownership over that bird, but its rather strange you chose there of all places."

"I know what I'm doing," the redhead nodded.

Ganondorf raised an eyebrow at the boy, then turned his back to him.

"Do as you will," Ganondorf said. "Have your belongings out of the cell in the next hour. It can be used for future hostages."

The boy's eyes widened, and smiled with his mouth open. He could not believe he just got away with that. He wasn't going to sleep in that cell anymore. He could spend as much time with—

"If you're just going to stand there with that silly little grin on your face, then get out," Ganondorf growled.

The boy jumped a foot in the air, and bowed quickly. He was mood was barely dampened since he had to restrain himself from skipping out the door.

* * *

The three girls sat quietly in their cell. This new cell had been crafted out of studier wood than the previous cell and looked as if it would be more reluctant to catch fire. The cell was being guarded by two Moblins and a Wizzrobe.

Mila leaned against the wall with her arms crossed. Maggie was lying on her stomach, pushing around some large bugs that had just happened to wander by. Aryll sat in the corner, drawing in the dirt with her finger.

Mila used her fan to smack Maggie over the head, "Stop playing with the insects! It makes you look even more ridiculous than you actually are!"

Maggie pointed to Aryll, "But it's what _she's_ doin'."

"Don't be ridiculous!" Mila huffed. "Aryll's more civilized than that! She's _obviously_ drawing the layout of the fortress as per usual!"

Upon hearing this, Aryll quickly wiped away the doodle of the dead seagull with her foot, and began basically sketching out the floor plans to the extent she could remember.

"Er, positive," Aryll nodded.

The cellmates fell silent. The only sounds that were heard came from the Wizzrobe, who was telling the Moblins how the football game ended (with a few more laughs than necessary).

"Ary—oh, right. You wanted to be called _Geeeneral_," Maggie turned to Aryll.

"Whatever," Aryll waved her hand at Maggie. "You wanted to ask me something?"

"Yeaah," Maggie said. "What are we gonna do about that other guuuy?"

"That's right," Mila sighed. "I do wish to have him back. While he was a bit ratty, having him around helped me maintain _some_ sanity."

Aryll remained silent.

"Are we going to find him and slap repeatedly him until he realizes his stupidity?" Mila smirked. "Because I'd be glad to do the honours—"

"He's a lost cause," Aryll said. "There's no point in going after him."

"Ahhh… I see," Maggie nodded. "_Okaaay._"

"Oh, now what? Are you going to suggest we start trying to kill him too?" Mila huffed. "I may be fine with the monster and random seagull killing, but I'm sorry, I do _not_ want to go to jail for manslaughter!"

"Negative," Aryll grunted. "Eliminating him is not on the plan."

There was a pause. Mila and Maggie both turned to Aryll with an eyebrow raised.

"Pardon me?" Mila's jaw dropped. "I thought you would have _wanted_ to bump him off after what he did!"

Aryll shook her head.

"So, then…whhhy?" Maggie asked.

"Elementary, my dear Agent," Aryll stood up. "No one would serve the enemy willingly."

Aryll turned around and looked at both of the girls with a serious expression on her face.

"The kid's been…brainwashed," Aryll proclaimed.

"_Wooow_, really?" Maggie gaped.

"Now I've heard everything," Mila face-palmed.

"We cannot kill an innocent civilian who's been ruthlessly brainwashed!" Aryll exclaimed. "We must not show the same cruelty as the enemy!"

"Says the girl who shoots seagulls on sight," Mila added.

"Woooww…" Maggie gasped. "Brainwashing… A lot of stuff makes more sense now."

"I suppose," Mila blinked. "If 'brainwashing' in itself makes sense…"

"There's only one thing we can do," Aryll began to pace. "Take down the enemy as swiftly as possible. If that doesn't snap the kid out of his ways, then I frankly don't know what will."

"Yeah, you're right," Maggie nodded. "We can focus on the brainwashin' _laaaater_. We're gonna stick to takin' the baddie down, right?"

"Affirmative," Aryll smiled a little.

"Well, alright," Mila huffed. "I still kind of want to slap him, though. It sounds more amusing…"

"The military is no place for comedy!" Aryll snapped. "Our goal is to eliminate the enemy! Repeat! Our goal is to—"

"I could understand what you said the first time," Mila rolled her eyes. "So what is our next course of action?"

Aryll pulled out a grenade from underneath her army helmet. She pulled the pin with her teeth.

"First of all," Aryll grinned, "we'll exterminate the current guard duty."

Aryll chucked the grenade. It flew through the bars and clattered between a Moblin's legs.

* * *

"Ka-BOOM!" Salvatore exclaimed.

"Link, shouldn't we be doing more productive things than fool around in an amusement shop?"

Link was currently at Windfall again, and playing a minigame in the shop at the windmill's base. It was similar to Battle Ships only it somehow incorporated bombs and squid. Link stopped and looked at Navi.

"Well, I suppose you're right," Link said.

Navi sighed with relief, "Good, now let's—"

"But I think I almost have this one," Link squinted for better aim.

Link spun back around. He began shooting fake bombs at the unknown places on the chart. Navi began banging her head against a wall.

* * *

A sharp gust of wind blew on top of the island. Atop a lone ledge near the peak of Forsaken Fortress, lay a nest. Within this nest sat a large bird, its plumage mostly navy purple, and on its face was a thick stone mask. As it nodded off into sleep, a small boy sat up against the edge of the nest. He clung to a small blanket that barely covered him, which flapped about in the wind. Another gust of wind swept by him, and the blanket slipped through his right hand. He grabbed onto the blanket as soon as realized what had happened. He pulled it over himself again and shivered.

"Stupid wind…" the boy grumbled. "Stupid Fortress… Stupid island…"

The bird half-heartedly turned its head toward the boy.

"Who's idea was this, anyway?" he huffed.

The wind picked up again and blew the bottom edge of the blanket onto the boy's face. He let out a sound of discomfort.

"Why is it so cold?" he groaned. "Why can't that lazy oaf just cast a spell or something to make this place a little warmer?"

The wind caused his hair hit his face.

"Augh!" he let out. "Or at least do something about the wind! It's freezing up here!"

The bird turned its head away, and began nodding off again.

"HUH, PUNK?" he yelled. "WHY CAN'T YOU?"

The boy's voice was swept away by another gust that blew right past him. His blanket whipped around him fiercely.

The emptiness of the fortress responded. The howls of the wind echoed around him. That's right, he realized. No one could hear him. There was no point to yelling.

The boy settled back against the various twigs and clung to his blanket irritably. Ganondorf was so cheap with his fortresses, the boy thought to himself. There was nothing good about this fortress and there never would be.

The bird yawned and ruffled its feathers. A funny feeling against the back of the boy's head. The redhead's eyes looked up. A rather comforting heat, the boy thought, emanated from the soft plumage. He sighed, leaned back, and smiled.

Well, at least they had each other.

He shut his eyes and leaned his head up against a larger twig, with the grin still plastered on his face. As his blanket flapped in the wind, and his matted hair fluttering all around him, he finally realized how glad he was to be there.

* * *

Cherry-sama: And that's all for this chapter—

Link: Whoooaaa… Is it possible? Cherry-sama wrote a chapter…with a plot she wrote herself?

Cherry-sama: I have written other fanfics that don't rely so heavily on the game script.

Navi: Still… It's so…weird…

Cherry-sama: Oh, not you too. Let me guess, Aryll's next in line, right?

Aryll: Shut up, I'm planning my escape.

Cherry-sama: _(sighs)_ Anyway, guys, what is the character you miss the most from the previous two fanfics?

Navi: Obviously me. Duh.

Cherry-sama: You're one of the only characters that carried over.

Navi: Er…uh… They missed my lacking presence in this chapter.

Cherry-sama: Well, whatever. Please review.


	15. Chapter 10: The Soulful Statues Part 1

**Chapter 10 (…blahoogeelowynfimablah…)**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Legend of Zelda: the Wind Waker. That should be pretty obvious by now. I don't own Mario, Pikachu, Samus, Shiranui, Amaterasu, Oki, or my reviewer Annoyed Young Girl, even though they all want to kill me. I don't own the Pillsbury Dough Boy, Percy Jackson and the Olympians: The Lightening Thief, Banjo Kazooie, Sonic, Skyward Sword, or an Irish Wolfhound. The latter is my sister's. I also don't own the occasional jokes I rip off from chuggaaconroy. Whoops. Probably shouldn't have said that.**

* * *

Toon Link: I saw her go down this way! CHAAARRRGGGEE!

_(Toon Link leads Mario, Pikachu, Samus, Shiranui, and Amaterasu through the backstage area. All of them are armed to the teeth. Aryll, Oki, and Annoyed Young Girl follow closely behind, carrying guns. Medli watches from a distance.)_

Medli: Wow. It's sure been a long time since anyone's heard from Cherry-sama, hasn't it?

Barrel: I can explain!

Medli: _(turns to barrel)_ Cherry-sama? Is that you?

Barrel: Uh… You saw nothing!

_(Barrel pushes Medli over. Medli gets back up again.)_

Barrel: Huh? I thought you were directionally challenged…

Medli: My character in your fanfic is. I'm just an actor.

Barrel: Oh.

Medli: Why are you in a barrel anyway?

Barrel: Have you _seen_ how mad my fans are?

Medli: Oh, right. So, what happened?

Barrel: Well, basically, there were a few time consumers that had come up from Christmas Break until now. One of which being that school has once again started. Another factor is that my sister really really really pressured me to get Laundry Love 31 done, which took a long time by itself. Also my sister got a new puppy.

Medli: Congratulations! What breed? Beagle? Pug? Chihuahua?

Barrel: Irish Wolfhound.

Medli: I'm afraid I'm not familiar with that breed.

Barrel: Tallest dog in the world. Just search on Google.

Medli: _(goes to computer)_ Oh wow… o.o

Barrel: Yeah, the puppy gets along great with my year and a half year old Corgi. Anyway, I've got the poll results of the most missed character. Afatufivomany, Wigijigiland, and Tatl all tied for first place; Saria, the Sour Milk, Ms. Shadowpunkle, and Old Link all tied for second.

Medli: Some people really miss him, don't they?

Barrel: As do I, but what's canon cannot be denied. Anyways, for third and final place, Ruto, Dark Navi, Epona, Bongo Bongo, Kafei, Sediohejigat and…oh Din…Ariel and the Cucco all tied.

_(Toon Link and his minions run by.)_

Toon Link: Charge, men! CHARGE! She can't hide forever!

Medli: I don't think the fans will ever leave you alone about that…

Barrel: I'll tell my fans once they stop hating me, that I posted "Whatever Happened to the Fourth Piece of the Triforce" on my deviantart account.

Medli: Is it an explanation to whatever happened to that fanfic you never wrote?

Barrel: Yeah, basically. I didn't post the explanation on this site because it doesn't technically count as a fanfic. But I put a link to it on my fanfiction profile.

Medli: Oh, okay.

_(Awkward silence. Toon Link and his minions wreck havoc in the distance.)_

Barrel: So, um, this is usually where I tell the people to 'Please Read'.

Medli: But aren't you in hiding?

Barrel: Eh heh heh, _yeaaah_. I'm not gonna risk it.

Medli: Erm, please read because Cherry-sama is currently not here right now!

Cherry-sama: _(peaks out from under barrel) _Medli, you're a lifesaver.

Toon Link: THERE SHE IS!

Cherry-sama: AHHHH!

* * *

Link idly cruised across the waves, sun shining down on him, and sail standing tall. The winds were calmer than usual, so Navi flew behind Link like she did when he walked. However, her wings were drooped, and her glow colour seemed a bit grayer than usual, an indication of her weariness.

"Ugh, Link, I _cannot _believe you did that for an entire chapter," Navi groaned.

Link sailed over to two small islands in front of him, both in the shape of triangles.

"Oh come now, Navi," Link grinned. "It wasn't _that _bad. And look. Doesn't the map look all nice and complete now?"

Link pulled out his map and showed it off to Navi. All but one of the squares were filled in. The square showing Southern Triangle Island was lit up.

"Well you were a total moron to sail around that empty square for six hours looking for that talking fish," Navi grumbled.

"Hey, how was I supposed to know that there would actually be one square where the fish guy wouldn't be jumping around?" Link huffed. "I fail to see how that makes me a moron."

"Speaking of morons, where is Ivan anyway?" Navi looked around.

"What? I thought you knew where he was," Link said.

"Dang it!" Navi groaned. "Why do we always misplace that guy the second he shuts up?"

"Well, last I saw him was when he was in the mouth of the lion dragon head on the boat," Link added. "But he could have flown out at any time and gotten lost somewhere."

"I'm going to check if he's still in there," Navi sighed. "The last thing we need is another side quest."

Link sat down as Navi flew around to the front of the boat.

"I like doing side quests, unlike _someone _around here," Link crossed his arms.

"And I like breaking your nose," Navi grumbled. "But that doesn't mean I go around doing it every five seconds."

"Har har," Link rolled his eyes.

Navi flew to the front of the boat. Link noticed a seagull flying overhead.

"Now, let me see here…" Navi's voice grew quieter.

"You know," Link pondered, "I never realized how few seagulls there actually were out on the Great Sea. I always thought they'd be so over populating that Aryll just felt the obsessive compulsive need to—"

"My Nayru! Have you been sleeping all this time?" he heard Navi yell.

"Huh…? Wha…?" was faintly heard.

"Sounds like it to me," Link sighed.

Navi flew out into Link's field of vision, carrying Ivan with her.

"Augh! I knew I should have kept a better eye on him," Navi huffed. "You probably started going into hibernation! You're lucky I woke you up."

"Yeah… Uh huh…" Ivan snorted.

Ivan's words became nothing but snippets of nonsense.

"Wake up!" Navi yelled.

Link heard Navi slap Ivan across the face.

"…Pumpkins?" Ivan yawned.

"Yes, pumpkins," Navi growled. "Now wake up!"

Ivan nodded slowly. Link stared blankly at the two fairies.

"I'm going to investigate this island," Link pointed behind him.

Link hopped out of his boat and clambered onto the small island. In the center of the island was a statue of what looked like a mix between a Goron and a Pillsbury Dough Boy. Link rummaged through his belongings and pulled out Nayru's pearl.

"If this island is anything like the other two, then…" Link paused.

The eyes of the statue glowed. _'Wandering traveler who seeks the guidepost of the goddesses… Place—'_

"Yeah, yeah, shut up and take it," Link rolled his eyes.

Link placed Nayru's pearl into the hands of the Goron Dough Boy statue.

"There we go. That was the last one, I believe," Link grinned. "Now—wait…Navi? Does the pearl look off center to you?"

Link turned in the general direction of the boat.

"What the heck, does it _matter?_" Navi yelled from below. "And I'm kinda busy now! You know, keeping this idiot awake and all."

Link turned around. "But if it's off center it'll bother me!"

The statue began to crack. Beams of blue light began to glow from the cracks.

"Well, don't spend a good half hour readjusting it like you did the other two," Navi huffed.

"Haste makes waste," Link grumbled.

The statue continued to crack more and more. Light rippled all over Link's back.

"Don't make me come up there!" came Navi's angered voice.

"Hmph," Link turned around. "What does she know?"

Link looked at the statue just in time for it to explode in his face. If Link had not been catapulted into the sky by the blast, then he would have noticed the Goron Dough boy statue had turned into a blue statue of a woman with blue hair holding the pearl. The pearl emitted a beam of light that shot out North East East.

"AAAHHHHH!" Link screamed.

Navi turned around just in time to see Link blast off.

"Whoa!" Navi gagged.

Navi dropped Ivan into the boat and zipped after the green clad boy as fast as her little wings could carry her.

Meanwhile, at Eastern Triangle Island, the beam of light that the statue at Southern Triangle Island shot off hit the Goron Dough boy statue there. The statue too exploded to reveal a green statue of a woman with short hair. She too lifted up the pearl she held, Farore's Pearl, and shot out a beam of light to the North West West.

At Northern Triangle island, the beam of light shot out from Eastern Triangle Island hit the statue there too. The statue exploded like the others. If the camera angle hadn't been so far panned, then a reddish orange statue of a woman would be visible. She too shot a beam of light out of the pearl she held, Din's Pearl, which shot out due South. The beam aligned perfectly with the statue holding Nayru's Pearl.

From above, the three beams of light formed a triangle. Within the triangle, the symbol of the Triforce appeared as a faint glow.

**Fun Fact: **The Triforce symbol appearing in this triangle of light beams doesn't technically make sense since this triangle should technically be the center of the Triforce symbol. If you drew a line between Dragon Roost Island, Forest Haven, and Greatfish Isle they would make an even larger triangle, in which the three triangle islands intercept. This is illustrated in the game with the map in Tetra's room.

From the center of the Triforce symbol, the water began to bubble. Suddenly, a large ring rose up from the waters. The ring turned out to be the top of a large tower, rising higher and higher into the sky.

Link spun through the air, screaming all the way. Navi flew in close pursuit. He fell straight toward the rising tower. After a while of screaming, he collided with a high up portion of the wall. His collision was mere feet from a sloped wall which he could have probably climbed if he had been flung a split second earlier. There was a loud 'thawk'.

"Oohhh," Navi flinched, "that looked like it hurt."

Link remained silent for a moment. Suddenly, he dug his fingernails into the stone bricks. Navi raised an eyebrow when she saw the boy even dig his teeth into the wall.

Navi blinked. "What are you _doing?_ Just fall off like a regular person!"

"Oh, no!" Link's yell was muffled by his position. "I am NOT going to just let myself drop down. I get the feeling that if I manage to climb up to that slope up there, I'm going to save myself a _lot _of time and effort. So just hang on!"

"Hmm, you've got a point," Navi shrugged.

"If I can just…" Link raised his left hand and grabbed a little higher.

Link's fingers slipped, and his teeth lost their hold. Link flew off and plummeted into the waters below. There was a loud splash.

Link's head reemerged from the water. "DANG IT!" he yelled.

Navi flew down from above. "Well this sucks. Maybe I should have tried to grab onto you and pull you up while you were up there."

"Ya _think?_" Link glared at Navi while treading water.

"Well, I don't feel like doing it now," Navi gazed as the ever rising tower. "That looks way too high up to carry up little boys for my liking."

Link muttered nasty thoughts to himself. Navi flew around idly above his head. There was a long pause, as Link treaded water.

"Shouldn't we get moving?" Navi asked.

"Don't you remember?" Link asked. "If I wait long enough, I'll drown."

"I hardly see how that's productive," Navi said.

"However, the game mechanics dictate that whenever I drown I repop on the last surface I stood on," Link smirked.

"I vaguely recall something like that happening while exploring the other islands, yes," Navi nodded. "Oh, I get it now. You're trying to repop onto the ledge you just fell from so we can take the shortcut."

"Exactly," Link grinned.

Navi waited around for a few minutes, as Link's cell-shaded head slowly ducked under the water. A little buzz chimed when Link 'drowned'. Navi began to fly up towards the top of the tower.

* * *

Meanwhile…at Southern Triangle Island…

"Oh come on! I repoped _here?_" Link yelled.

"Magical appearing tree frog?" Ivan gasped. "Am I a magician?"

* * *

After some tedious backtracking, Link sailed into the Tower of the Gods, with Ivan following close behind. Seawater flooded the floor of the temple, and Link found himself quite able to take his boat almost everywhere—at least on the first floor. Link looked at his lifeless sail. Unfortunately, there was no wind inside the temple to propel him forward like on the open sea. Link cruised along into the temple when Navi flew up to the two of them.

"Nice timing," she smiled. "I went into the rooms to the left. There was this weird pillar thing that I carried across the room. Outside the room there was a little indent in the floor, so I figured I might as well put the statue there to see if it fit, and it did. I think that's what you're supposed to do, since the statue started glowing."

Link turned and saw a pillar of rainbow light shoot up from a faraway pillar.

"From there I went into another room that opened up. There a couple of unlit torches across the room, and instead of using the boxes to hop across (which you would have had to do), I flew over and lit them. A chest appeared on the other side with a small key. I also got you the Dungeon Map. Here you go."

DUH DUH DUH NUUUUUUHHHH! Link got a Small Key and the Dungeon Map! Why can't Navi be this useful all the time?

Ivan stared at Navi in awe and spoke faster than usual. "Navi, you're like, really, really, really, really, really, super, special aw—"

"Ivan, shut up," Navi said.

"Wait, you can do that?" Link raised an eyebrow.

"Do what, again?" Navi asked.

"Complete the dungeon rooms for me?" Link grumbled. "You can do that?"

"Yup," Navi shrugged. "I thought I might as well save you some time as soon as I figured out you teleported back to whatever island you were at before getting blown here."

"Remind me again why _I'm_ the one completing these dungeons?" Link asked.

Navi let out a big sigh. "Look, Link. There's something about my Link I never told you about."

Link blinked. "Huh? That's kind of abrupt."

"He was a tree frog too?" Ivan's jaw dropped.

"Ivan, no," Navi said. "When I started adventuring with my Link, I began helping him out a little throughout our travels. When the time came, I ended up getting the Triforce of Courage instead of him. He was really upset."

"I don't see why anyone would get upset over courageous cutlery," Link shrugged.

"My point is that, though I just met you, I don't want to ruin your adventure," Navi sighed. "I was never really the adventurer type anyway, and even though I did most of the hard work, I still think my Link should have gotten the Triforce instead of me. You follow?"

"Yup," Link nodded. "You stole his cutlery, and now you feel bad."

"I'm not sure I'd really call it cutlery, but…" Navi raised both eyebrows. "Whatever, you get my drift. So, I'm making sure this time that I don't steal his, er, your thunder."

Ivan gasped again. "The old Link was Zeus? Navi, are you the Lightening Thief?"

"Ivan, I have no idea what you're on," Navi turned to the fairy.

Link rolled his eyes. "Says the fairy who just completed the first few rooms of this dungeon."

"That was just because you were being slow!" Navi huffed. "Anyways, I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm willing to help, but not enough to switch our roles of hero and intellect."

Ivan nodded in agreement. "Tree frog here wouldn't make a good Lightening Thief anyway."

Navi frowned. "I'm just going to pretend I understood that."

"Question."

"Yes?"

"What makes you so sure that I'm going to become a hero anyway?" Link asked.

"Link, you are trying to overthrow Ganondorf, King of Evil, just like I did. Plus, you just raised a tower out of the freaking ocean," Navi said. "If that doesn't count as hero business, then, apparently, I don't know what is."

Link nodded. "Point taken—oh crap! I just remembered!"

"What?" Navi looked around in confusion.

"I forgot to feed the fishman!" Link slapped his forehead. "Now that the tower's raised, he's got to be out there!"

With some rapid wiggling of the rudder, Link sailed right back out of the door he came out of. Ivan followed behind, singing a song about how his only wish was to catch a fish.

"_LINK!_" Navi bellowed.

* * *

Link sailed back into the Tower of the Gods, With Ivan following close behind. He peered out in front of him. There was Navi, who had leaned herself against one of the pillars. Though he couldn't actually tell (due to her glow), he could feel her glaring daggers at him.

He wouldn't let this unnerve him, though. "See? Isn't it glorious?"

Link held out his Sea Chart, and showed it to her. A low grumbling was her reply. He turned the map around, and admired it once more.

"It's so complete…and full…and 100%…" Link was almost drooling.

The low grumbling returned, only it was distinctly louder. Link glared back at her over the edge of the Sea Chart.

"Oh come on! I thought you were all for 100% completion! It _is_ what you're aiming for, right?" Link asked.

"Not when it wastes time," Navi muttered.

"I like it, tree froggie!" Ivan piped up. "Look at all the pretty colours… Oooo…"

Navi slapped her forehead. "You idiot, it only has two colours—tan and dark tan. How can it be colourful?"

Link turned to see the little fairy. Ivan hiccupped, and turned a light purple. He shook himself and turned green again.

"You don't talk a lot, do you?" Link asked. "I almost forgot you were with me."

"Navi said it's better if I don't say anything," Ivan yawned. "She said whenever I open my mouth, I make people like her want to cry."

Link blinked. "Ouch. Harsh."

"I'm surprised you still remember that," Navi flew forward.

"Yup!" Ivan giggled. "I remember every word you ever said to me ever!"

"…Way to make me feel like a jerk," Navi said.

"You really liking giving your boyfriend tough love, don't ya?" Link asked.

Navi turned red. "H-He's not my boyfriend! We've never dated!"

"We can't be dated, Navi," Ivan stuck out his tongue. "We're fairies, remember? We never grow old!"

"Whatever," Link rolled his eyes. "I'm going over to the right. I'm assuming that's where I'm supposed to go next."

With that, Link wiggled the rudder rapidly to get some distance. Slowly, he made his way over the right side of the first floor.

Navi put her hands on her hips. "You know what? I think he's getting bored of me."

"I'm never bored of you," Ivan smiled.

"You're never bored of anything," Navi said. "You're in a constant state of sugar high."

"Can we have snuggle time?" Ivan looked at Navi eagerly.

Navi paused. "Er… Hey! Link! Wait up!"

Navi flew as fast as she could towards Link.

"Don't worry, Navi," Ivan grinned. "We can snuggle him too."

Ivan flew up to Link and Navi. Ivan went over and hugged Link's ear.

"Uhhh…" Link paused. "Do I want to—?"

"It's Ivan," Navi said. "You figure it out."

Link raised an eyebrow. "Okay? Anyway, I was just about to progress further when I saw this."

Link pointed the wall just as the water level decreased. In it were several large cracks.

"Isn't it obvious?" Navi asked.

"Well, yeah, just before Ivan came over and hugged my ear, I was about to use bom—" Link began.

"My bare fists!" Navi cracked her knuckles.

"Huh?" Link blinked.

Before Link could do anything, Navi charged towards the wall. The wall shattered instantly from the impact. Link stood there blankly, and Ivan let go of his ear to begin clapping. The water level rose again.

"There," Navi nodded. "Now you can progress."

"Now can we have snuggle time, Navi?" Ivan asked.

"Um…" Navi bit her lip. "Anyways, hurry it up, Link!"

"But what about the other two walls?" Link asked.

Link pointed to two identical cracked portions of the same wall.

"Link, they all lead to the same room," Navi huffed. "There's no need to break those two down."

"But it'll bother me if we don't!" Link complained.

"So?" Navi groaned.

Link began inching along over to the other two cracked portions.

"Okay! Okay! Fine!" Navi let out.

Navi sped over to the other two cracked parts of the wall. They crumbled in short order. Navi came back, huffing.

"…There…" Navi wheezed. "…Happy…?"

Link leapt over the wall. "Yes."

"…Thank Farore," Navi sighed. "At least now nothing will get in our way from—"

"AHHHHH!" Link screamed. "CHU CHU!"

Navi face palmed. "…It's official. I miss my Link."

* * *

Link ran down into the locked door as soon as the water level was low enough. The door slammed closed behind him and the two fairies. He pressed himself against the door. He breathed heavily.

"Done having your panic attack now?" Navi sighed.

"I was, um," Link coughed, "that, er, that wasn't a panic attack."

Ivan began spinning around in slow circles.

Navi rolled her eyes. "Uh-huh."

Link straightened up. "That Chu Chu merely caught me off guard. Next time, I shall not be as forgiving."

Four Chu Chus fell from the ceiling.

"I LOVE MY SOCKS! YOU SHALL NEVER HAVE THEM!" Link screamed.

There was a pause. The Chu Chus all raised their eyelids in unison.

"Link, just take out your sword and I'll pretend that you're manly," Navi sighed.

"Works for me," Link shrugged.

Link unsheathed his sword, facing all four of his menacing foes head on. Link smirked. As long as Navi kept quiet, he could still maintain his reputation. And besides, Link thought, there was no reason to be afraid of Chu Chus anymore. Sure, they were yellow, and had sparks flying off of them, but that meant nothing as long as he had his sword at hand. Ignoring Ivan's increasing spinning speed, Link leapt forth. Sword raised high in the air, ready to strike its next foe.

As soon as his sword touched the Chu Chu's ooze, a strong current of electricity rang throughout Link's body. He fell over.

"Ouch, that looked like it stung," Navi winced.

Ivan frowned and stopped spinning for a second. "Why didn't his skeleton light up?"

Link sat up. He was surrounded by all four of the crackling Chu Chus.

"Well, don't just sit there!" Navi huffed. "Hurry up and do something."

"B…B…But it's useless," Link gulped. "I didn't even l-land a scratch on any of them—"

"No, maybe not, but even if you did, you probably wouldn't be able to tell," Navi groaned.

"I-I-I…!" Link gulped. "Oh Cyclos, they're getting closer!"

"Don't just sit there!" Navi snapped. "Try your items! One of them has gotta work!"

"But w-w-what if it do-do-doesn't?" Link trembled.

"The game designers aren't that mean!" Navi buzzed up and down. "Now hurry up!"

Link began rummaging through his things and pulling out anything and everything he had. The Chu Chus stared with disinterest as an empty bottle, some glass shards, a Gossip Speck, and a Pictobox flew by them.

"Nothing's working!" Link wailed.

"Keep trying!" Navi hissed. "I refuse to let you give up on yourself after that hero speech I had earlier!"

Link tossed the Grappling Hook into the air. It hit on of the Chu Chus, which stood there dazed for a split second. DUH DUH DUH NUUUUUUHHHH! Link got Red Chu Jelly! It can be used to make potions if you take it to that guy on Windfall.

Link looked at the Red Chu Jelly, then looked back at the Yellow Chu Chu it came from.

"Uhhh…" Link blinked.

"Less stalling, more attacking!" Navi snapped.

The Chu Chus were no longer moving towards our hero, but were instead watching the boy as he thrashed around. Link flailed his arms rapidly, throwing his Bait Bag, his Spoils Bag, and Delivery Bag in scattered directions. Link pulled out his Telescope and smacked one of the Chu Chus with it. Link fell over from the electric shock that ensued.

"Come on! Get something a little more sturdy!" Navi exclaimed. "You know, maybe the pearls? I bet those would make good projectiles."

"They're in the hands of statues!" Link squirmed.

"Oh yeah," Navi paused. "Got anything else on hand?"

"Well, uh, I've still got my boomera—oh…" Link paused.

Link stared blankly at the sunshine yellow boomerang in his hands.

"You…you…you…" Navi twitched.

Link threw the boomerang at one of the on looking Chu Chus. The hit managed to stun it and dispel all the electricity surrounding the blob.

"…YOU…" Navi gargled.

"Eh heh heh…" Link chuckled nervously. "Um, I'll just go and defeat it now."

Link hit the stunned Chu Chu with his sword. It died in one hit.

"…**IDIOT!**" Navi screamed.

The water level rose in the room. All of Link's inventory floated up with it.

"I guess I'd better get those," Link shrugged. "Can't be good for the Pictobox if it gets water in it."

Link swam all over the room to collect the items scattered around the room. DUH DUH DUH NUUUUUUHHHH! Link got all his items back! …It'd be lucky if all of them still worked, though… Link stared at his items.

"You know, maybe bombs would do some damage too," Link pondered. "I'll try that with the others."

Navi began banging her head against the wall.

"Weee~!" Ivan let out as he spun.

"You're still spinning in circles?" Link asked. "And are you going faster—"

"That's because it's really really fun!" Ivan giggled. "Woo hoo~!"

The water level receded.

"I'm not quite sure what to make of that, but whatever," Link shrugged. "Take this!"

Link chucked a bomb at the Chu Chus. The blast stunned all three of them. It wasn't long before all of them fell. DUH DUH DUH NUUUUUUHHHH! Link got some more Red Chu Jelly! Seriously, why is it red? Why?

Navi banged her head against the wall at an even faster rate. A stairway of glowing steps appeared, leading up to another statue of a pillar, like the one Link had seen from afar on the other side of the first room.

"Hey, at least I know how to kill them now, if I see any more of them—" Link began.

"Just get the pillar," Navi grumbled.

Link looked over at the wall. Navi had stopped banging her head against it, but was still leaning up against it in silent rage.

"Before you hurt someone?" Link asked.

"Before I hurt someone," Navi groaned.

Link walked up the semi-transparent stairs. DUH DUH DUH NUUUUUUHHHH! Link got a Weird Pillar Thing! Seriously! Why is the Chu Jelly Red?

* * *

A black helicopter came crashing through the wall of the tower. From out of the rubble of the bricks, and the deformed form of the helicopter, came a leg covered in thick armour. Out stepped an Iron Knuckle, who stood tall and proud in stature. He brushed some dust off his arm guards.

"Quite the rough landing," the Iron Knuckle huffed. "I might ask Ganondorf for a jet next time."

The Iron Knuckle stepped into the room. Inside was a couch, a footstool, a side table, little TV, and a small kitchen off to the side. The Iron Knuckle turned to one of the two doors, the one closest to the hole in the wall he just created.

"I've got to fix the lock on that door," the Iron Knuckle sighed. "Otherwise it's next to impossible to get into my Man Den from outside."

The Iron Knuckle sighed, took off his helmet, and set it on the side table. He unstrapped his arm guards and leg guards, putting them on the side table. He reached behind him to undo the weavings on the back of his breastplate. His fingers wiggled helplessly for the out of reach weaving. He grumbled and sat down on the couch.

The Iron Knuckle kicked off his boots, and put his feet up on the footstool. He wriggled his toes and let the odor of his worn soles and chipped toenails disperse into the air around them. He leaned back in his plush couch. He frowned. Sitting in the chair with his breastplate on wasn't quite the same. He fidgeted in the seat to get comfortable.

Discontent with the failed efforts the fidgeting had provided, he pulled out the letter from his skirt—er, _kilt _pocket.

On his flight to the farthest reaches of the Great Sea, he had noticed a Rito Postman flapping desperately behind the helicopter to keep up. When he pulled over for the poor man, he was handed this letter, directly from Ganondorf himself.

He read the letter once more. 'Forget my previous orders,' it read. 'I'm letting you off the hook. Return to your abode and do not come back unless otherwise instructed.'

The Iron Knuckle raised an eyebrow at the message every time. Last time _he_ checked, he was not attached to a hook of any sort. The Iron Knuckle paused. Maybe it was a _magic_ hook that only sorcerers as powerful as Lord Ganondorf himself could see. The Iron Knuckle nodded, that must be it. It was very generous of his Lordship to remove this hook from the Iron Knuckle. He was even given an indefinite vacation, curtsey of his Lordship. And, by Zephos, this was one vacation the Iron Knuckle was not going to waste.

The Iron Knuckle grabbed the remote and pointed it at the small TV. The Iron Knuckle grumbled to himself about how stupid it was that the Wizzrobes got a big screen TV. The TV flicked on and the Iron Knuckle began to flip through the channels idly. He paused at the Sports Channel; the Super Cauldron was still on.

'_And would you look at that, Bob! Stanley of the Stalfos Stampeders has got Pedro Poe in a headlock!'_

'_Shouldn't have turned visible right then, now should he, eh Jim?'_

'_Agreed! That was just bad timing on Pedro's part. Looks like a sad day for the Poisonous Poes!'_

…Nah. The Iron Knuckle flipped to the next channel. He'd never be able to look at the Super Cauldron the same way again after seeing how obsessive the Wizzrobes got over it.

He continued his channel hopping. Nothing interesting was showing up: on the teen's channel was that 'Polly Poe' show about a half Poe named Polly; the series finale of 'Missing' was airing, but the Iron Knuckle never really found the premise of a bunch of Bokoblins surviving on Overlook Island all that interesting; 'Wee', a show about a choir of Miniblins, was on too but the Iron Knuckle honestly couldn't stand the pitch of their voices to watch a show about them…if only it were done by Hylians or something lower pitched.

The Iron Knuckle knitted his brow. Television these days. Over three hundred undead channels and nothing to watch. Surely the overlord of programming could do better. He hit the up button once more. Finally, something caught his eye. It was that cooking show 'Hacked', where minions from all over would come together and make dishes using prearranged ingredients.

A smile spread across the Iron Knuckle's face. He remembered how his one of his fellow Iron Knuckle's competed one year and got second place. Quite an honor to get second place on one of the manliest cooking shows on the air. His Lordship wasn't pleased, though, the Iron Knuckle remembered. He had never seen a puff of purple smoke so big.

The Iron Knuckle shook his head. This was a vacation, and vacations are not times in which one is to think about depressing things. That was what one would _think _war was for, but letting your emotions get a hold of you on the battlefield was always a bad idea. Besides, Bill was already long gone. Nothing much the Iron Knuckle could do about it.

As the show changed to the commercials, the Iron Knuckle smiled to himself. It was a good show, he admitted, but he wasn't going to watch it to see who walked away with the grand prize. He looked over to the empty spot on the couch. It was almost like his friend was sitting there, ready to enjoy the program with him.

The Iron Knuckle got up, walked over to the fridge, and poured himself a big tankard of milk. He sat back down, and eased his way into his seat. This was nice, he though. He didn't need anything more than this. This was going to be a great vacation.

He frowned. If only he could get the breastplate off.

* * *

"A Compass, hearts and rupees galore, more Chu Jelly than you'll ever possibly need, and a Joy Pendant," Navi rolled her eyes. "Really, Link? Do you have to collect every single item you find?"

Link broke all the jars along a wall. Link collected all the rupees, hearts, and magic jars that came out of them, even though his wallet, magic meter, and his heart count were all full.

"Miss Marie said something about wanting a lot of Joy Pendants," Link said. "If I collect as many as I can, maybe she will give us something good."

"_Link!_" Navi snapped.

"You never know," Link shrugged. "Besides, did you see how vicious those rats were? If I don't restock my money systematically, then I'll be broke before I know it. And being broke in an RPG is always bad."

"Yes, I get it, you want rupees," Navi groaned. "But every single heart, jar, chest, and secret room? Are you trying to make us go slower?"

"What's wrong with taking our time?" Link asked.

Navi pointed at Ivan. Ivan was bouncing off the walls, humming nonsensical tunes that would change partway.

"Yar har, Diddily Dee! Doo, doo, doo, dee, dum!" Ivan sang as fast as he could. "If you want to sail the seas, you are a sandwiches are wonderful! Sandwiches are fine! I love sandwiches, I eat them all the time!"

"Oh yeah," Link sighed. "Ivan's hyper."

"I eat them for my breakfast! I eat them for my lunch! If I had a hundred sandwiches I'd eat black socks, they never get dirty! The longer you wear them, the blacker they _WEEEEEE_!" Ivan cheered as loud as his little fairy lungs would let him.

"I knew I shouldn't have let him sleep for all that time," Navi sighed. "He's got enough excess energy to power a windmill."

Link paused. "Speaking of which, I should go back to Windfall som—"

"NO," Navi hissed.

Link went into the next room. Link scouted out for any jars or collectable objects, then hopped onto a floating platform in the center of the room. The platform floated by a pattern on the wall resembling an eye.

Link scowled. "I know that's probably important. Wish I could do something about it."

"Stab the eye!" Ivan suddenly spoke up. "Stab the eye! Please! Please! Please! Ple—"

"Uh, no," Navi said. "Link is too far away to use his sword on that thing, and throwing it is way too risky. Besides, the decoration is probably made of metal or something, and it would suck if the sword just bounced off."

"But good stuff will happen if he does!" Ivan spun around in circles.

"Good for him," Navi huffed.

Link jumped off the other platform.

"Navi, you'd know what'd be fun?" Ivan jittered with excitement. "Huh? Huh? Do ya?"

Navi rolled her eyes. "W—"

"If we'd build water castles on top of sand castles on top of wind castles, on top of SPAGHETTI! WOOOO!" Ivan cheered.

"Okay, seriously, this is kinda disturbing," Navi gulped.

Link, after checking for jars, found a lack thereof, and went into the next room.

"Hey! Navi! Navi! Navi!" Ivan giggled. "Let's tango!"

"Wh-what?" Navi blinked.

Ivan took Navi up in his arms and started dancing anything but the tango.

"Uhhh…" Link paused.

Link walked onto a semi-transparent ledge and began walking across.

"Isn't this fun, fun, fun, fun, funniest, fun fun, to ever fun—"

"OH GODDESSES!" Navi bellowed. "PLEASE GIVE ME SOME SENSE OF RELIEF!"

Link hopped down to the other side of the room. A pillar descended before him. On top of the pillar was an old statue, with the angriest looking face carved into it. Ivan and Navi stared as Link raised an eyebrow.

"_Duuudee_," the statue seemed to stretch. "Aw, man, it's been forever since I've been in a body that is able to stretch. This feels so good."

Link blinked.

"That voice sounds kinda familiar…" Navi paused.

The statue looked over to see Link staring back.

Ivan cheered. "Maybe he wants to tango too—"

"No," Navi shoved Ivan aside. "No more tango."

Navi shoved herself out of Ivan's arms.

"I still think it looks weird," Link said.

"What?" the statue asked. "Never seen a rock star before?"

"Uhh…" Link paused. "Don't you mean rock statue?"

"The rock statue's a rock star!" Ivan giggled. "And if the rock statue star wants to eat—"

"Ivan, go back to your spinning," Navi said. "And if you do manage to get motion sickness, throw up on Link, not me."

"Okay!" Ivan smiled.

"Hey!"

"Wait…" the statue leaned closer to Link. "I remember you! You're that jerk who hit on my girlfriend and left me in the Stone Tower until I got sold on eBay!"

"Statues have girlfriends?" Link asked.

"Oh my Din!" Navi gaped. "It's—it's—!"

"It's what? A statue?" Link asked.

"A ping pong ball!" Ivan exclaimed.

Link and the statue stared at Ivan.

"Uh, no, Ivan," Navi said. "Fail. And I said spin."

Ivan went back to spinning around in circles and singing nonsensical tunes.

"Whatever that guy's on, I gotta get some of it," the statue pondered aloud.

"Ignoring that," Link sighed. "What were you saying, Navi?"

"What? Oh yeah. I think the spirit of Mikau is possessing the statue!" Navi exclaimed.

"That's my name, doll," the statue nodded. "It _was _you who asked for my autograph, after all."

"Erm, no, it was my roommate at the time," Navi nodded.

"Whatever, it's cool," the statue turned to glare at the boy. "But…_you_…"

"…so juicy sweet! My only wish is to catch three blind mice~ Three blind—" Ivan sang.

"Ivan, if you can't sing quietly, don't sing at all!" Navi called out.

"What about me?" Link blinked.

"You put me through so much crap, man!" Mikau's soul grumbled. "You're gonna pay, you little punk!"

The statue hopped forward. It went up to Link and began jumping up and down at him.

"Can't…reach…neck…" Mikau said in unison with his hopping. "Need…arms…!"

"Uh, can we get going now?" Link asked. "I kinda have a world to save."

"And a sister," Navi added.

"And a sea monkey," Ivan concluded.

"Shhh!"

"Ohh, _suuuure_," Mikau huffed. "It's always 'I gotta save the world this, gotta save the world that'. _Noooo_, take no consideration for the guy trapped in a statue and was sold on eBay and was bought off by the priests of this tower…"

"Come on, let's get going," Link sighed.

Link picked up the statue, and tried to throw it on the ledge in which he came from. Unfortunately, Link wasn't strong enough, and the ledge was a little too high up.

"Okay, that didn't work," Link paused.

"Silly, silly," Ivan giggled to himself. "It's the maze that makes everything amazing!"

"Hey! Hey! Hey! Whoa!" Mikau protested. "Did I _give_ you permission to pick me up?"

"I needed permission?" Link asked.

"Heck, back when I was alive," Mikau grumbled, "you needed permission just to enter my room! That's how famous we were."

"Which is irrelevant now since you're dead," Link rolled his eyes. "Now, judging by the layout of the room and what Ivan just said, we need to get through the maze. Now come and follow me."

Link walked a bit ahead into the maze. He turned around and called to the statue. It didn't budge.

"Nuh-uh!" the statue shook its head. "I did not get my soul transferred into this animate statue just play follow the leader with you."

"Oh come on!" Link sighed. "We don't have time for this!"

Navi raised both eyebrows. "But we have time for breaking every single jar you see?"

Link turned to Navi. "You stay out of this!"

"But, but, but, but, but, sir!" Ivan flew up to Mikau. "If you don't follow the tree frog, he'll never be able to Sparta Beast, and the Saria's Campervan Fee will never be paid!"

There was a collective silence throughout the room.

"Okay, I'm never ever letting you fall asleep again," Navi said.

"And I definitely have got to get some of that," the statue paused.

"I don't think he's on anything except sugar," Link sighed. "Anyway, this way."

The statue hopped over to Link.

"Alright, now we have to turn this way…" Link nodded.

The statue kept hopping towards Link.

"Wait, what are you doing?" Link asked.

"Just a little further…!" the statue growled.

Link found himself getting pushed towards the edge of the maze.

"Whoa, uh…" Link paused. "Now hold on a second—"

Link lost his footing and fell into the bottomless pit below.

"HASTA LA VISTA, PUNK!" the statue yelled.

"AHHHH!" Link let out.

"HIT ON MY GIRLFRIEND NOW, WILL YOU!" the statue cackled. "HUH? HUH?"

"I think you're enjoying that way too much…" Navi paused.

Link repoped by the door.

"Navi! Navi! Navi! Navi! Guess what!" Ivan bounced around. "I have a question to ask you! You wanna know what it is? Huh? Huh? Huh? Sure you do! Navi, will you be my girlfriend? We can go strolling down beaches, watch the sunset…"

"Din, someone shoot me," Navi gargled.

Link hopped back down to where Navi, Ivan, and the statue were. The statue was still snickering to himself.

"What the heck was that?" Link grumbled.

"What?" Mikau chuckled. "I never agreed to follow you."

Link muttered insults under his breath.

"…go to theme parks, eat mangos, watch seagulls as they poop on us…" Ivan continued.

"OH FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!" Navi yelled.

Navi picked up the statue of Mikau and flew over to the door. She hovered there impatiently.

"Hey, gal!" the statue protested. "What gives?"

"I just want to get this temple out of the way, and then maybe we can actually do something about Ivan's hyperactivity," Navi huffed. "Just because you have a grudge with Link here doesn't mean I'll let you be a pain."

Link raised both eyebrows. "Okay, I guess that works."

"…build water castles, ride on fishies, and…what was I talking about again?" Ivan blinked.

"Come on, you two!" Navi called out. "Let's hurry up and get out of here."

Link shrugged. "I would have had to carry the statue across the gap at some point."

Link walked through the maze and jumped across the gap in the path. Link, Ivan, and Navi, who was carrying Mikau, walked through the door.

* * *

Some time later…

Navi dropped the statue in the room with the pedestal in the center. It hopped forward.

"Whoo hoo!" it cheered. "Freedom! Now I can—wait, what the—? Why is my body moving on it's own?"

The statue hopped onto a circle on the floor. A smaller pedestal rose up from the ground.

"Ahh! I can't move! Totally not cool, man! Totally not cool!" the statue protested.

A light engulfed the statue and a light in the central pedestal appeared. A stone slab was shown.

Link walked over to the center and up the stairs.

"Hey! You're just gonna leave me here?" the statue let out. "Like you did back then?"

Link smirked. "I'm sorry, I seem to recall _somebody _around here pushing me into a bottomless pit earlier."

"Whoa, dude, it was fair game then," the statue huffed. "But I can't move! Heck, I probably won't be able to move until you finish this puzzle…or longer! Come on, give me a shove, will ya?"

"La la la, I can't hear you~" Link snickered.

"Time Goddess dang it, you little brat," the statue barked. "I'll kick your butt sky high once I get a new body!"

Link laughed. "_If_ you get a new body."

Link stopped and began making faces. Mikau yelled insults back at Link.

"And he thinks he's a man," Navi rolled her eyes. "Link, hurry up here. There's a bunch of strange markings on it that I think you should check out."

Link strode confidently up the steps, and gave one more face to Mikau. Link turned to the stone slab.

"I can't make hide nor hair of it," Navi shrugged. "What about you?"

"Oh, this?" Link asked. "This is just a song."

Navi looked at the stone's markings. They were left arrow, dot, right arrow, and dot.

"I have no idea how the heck you can play this on any musical instrument," Navi paused, "but if you could, it would be the most boring song ever."

"Here, I'll show you how it's done," Link sighed.

Link pulled out the Wind Waker and followed the motions on the stone. Do loo do loo da la dee! Link learned the Command Melody! And yes, it is the most boring song ever.

"Huh," Navi paused. "Fascinating."

"Wonder what it does," Link pondered.

"Whaddya think it does, nitwit!" the statue of Mikau called out. "It's called the 'Command Melody' for cryin' out loud!"

Link turned to the statue.

"It controls the bodies of others!" Mikau huffed. "Heck, you could have probably used it on me if I could, oh, I dunno, _move?_"

"So, what?" Link blinked. "I can use it on Navi or Ivan?"

"Speaking of which, where is that guy?" Navi looked around. "It's too quiet for him to be nearby."

"No, no, no, not those guys," Mikau said. "It only works in dungeons and on guys who follow you around constantly."

"Umm," Link pointed to the blue fairy.

"Around your size and stature!" Mikau huffed. "Sheesh, are you stupid or something?"

"But why would we need to control someone as tall as I am?" Link asked.

"Um…" Navi looked at the short boy. "Link? I wouldn't say you're tal—"

"But wait," Link stopped to think. "Judging by the spots on the floor, I bet there's at least two more statues that I have to get back to this room…"

"Big surprise," the statue spoke up.

"Shut up," Link called back to it. "Okay, so I basically go through the other two doors, get the statues there, and then…oh, I don't know, something magical will happen."

"And I think I spot Ivan," Navi peered forward. "He's pushing jars over…or trying to."

"Cyclos, you need to keep a better eye on that guy," Link said to Navi.

"Hey, I'm not used to babysitting," Navi huffed. "Well, okay, that's a lie. But I'm not used to babysitting people as small as I am. You don't tend to lose big people as easily."

"Just go get him," Link sighed.

Navi flew off.

"Anything else you have to say to me?" Link asked.

"I gotta a couple other things I _wanna_ say to you," the statue grumbled, "but your probably too _young_ to hear them."

"Pssh, I'm twelve. I'm a man," Link said. "Besides, I listened to Makar, so I probably have already heard it all. But, anyway, thanks for the tips, statue man."

"It's _Mikau—_wait, tips?" the statue paused.

"I'm glad you were _so willing_ to help me on my journey," Link smirked. "Good to know that there are people out there who are just like giving me advice just to benefit me."

"Doh!" Mikau let out.

"Next time I'm in trouble, I'll be _sure_ to go to you for advice," Link sneered. "Later~"

"I hate you, you little brat!" Mikau yelled.

Link walked over to where Navi was. Ivan was poking a large jar from several different angles. The jar barely moved.

"Hee hee hee! You will obey!" Ivan flung his arms up in the air.

"Okay, so, what's the plan?" Link asked.

"Well, as you said, there are two statues left, and two different routes to take to get them," Navi paused. "I think it'd be a good idea if we split up to save time."

"Sounds alright to me," Link shrugged.

"It's not moving," Ivan frowned. "Oh well. I hope you and I can still be friends, Mr. Jar!"

There was a pause. Link and Navi stared at Ivan.

"You get Ivan," Navi said.

"Hey!" Link let out. "Why can't you take Ivan?"

"I always get Ivan!" Navi complained. "And this time, I'm calling dibs on being alone."

"But he's your boyfriend!" Link let out.

"That doesn't mean I'm his baby sitter!" Navi let out.

"You sit on babies?" Ivan cocked his head.

There was a pause.

"Fine," Link groaned. "I'll take him. But only because I don't like silence."

"Uhh, what?" Navi blinked.

Link coughed. "Erm, nothing. Come on, Ivan, let's go."

Ivan bounced into the air. "Oh boy! Oh boy! Oh boy! Oh boy! Really? This'll be so much, superly, duperly, Banjo and Kazooie fun!"

"I have a feeling I'll regret this," Link muttered.

Link and Ivan went off into the door at the top of the room while Navi took the room to the right. As Link and Ivan went through the door, Link could have sworn he heard Navi cackling with glee.


	16. Chapter 10: The Soulful Statues Part 2

Link walked through the room, and continued along. Ivan flew along behind him, bouncing around on his head, singing snippets of tunes, and jabbering on about random nonsense. Link sighed. It was annoying, yes, but thankfully he was used to drowning stuff like this out.

Link looked around. Not too different from the other rooms he had been in, he thought, but that was to be expected of temples, dungeons, and the sort. At least, that was what he had experienced from the last two dungeons he had been in. And if twice isn't a coincidence enough, then third time's the charm.

Link looked up. There were two floating skulls surrounded in fire (which he was pretty sure were called 'Bubbles'), two places where Link thought he could use his Grappling Hook on, and below was a bottomless pit. He'd have to aim carefully, he thought, or else he'd end up burning his derriere and go falling into the pit. And whenever you can't see the bottom, you know there's no chance of survival.

He sighed. Man, this adventuring stuff was more up Aryll's aisle than his, Link thought. After all, she was the one who was always blowing up stuff, climbing up walls, rebuilding lookouts, and waging wars with seagulls. Link paused. Come to think of it, he hadn't seen Aryll in a long time. He spent most of his life with her, and now she had been gone for at least a couple months.

"I wonder how she's doing…" Link unwittingly said aloud.

* * *

Meanwhile, in Forsaken Fortress…

The red haired boy opened the door nonchalantly.

"Ganondorf, the prisoners escaped again."

"_AGAIN?_"

* * *

Link shrugged. The sooner he saved her, the sooner he'd save seagull lives. And restore peace to the Great Sea, he guessed. Grandma would have wanted him to say that.

Link pulled out his Grappling Hook, and began swinging the rope.

Ivan flew forward. "Hey! Whatcha doing? Oh! I know! You're going to swing across the gap, right? And that way you'll be able to get across, and fight monkeys, and stuff!"

Link rolled his eyes. "An excellent observation."

"You know, if you wait a little bit, I bet that you'd be able to get across without even getting hurt! Huh? Huh? Isn't that just super special awesome?"

"Yes, Ivan, now if you would just—wait a minute, that's not a bad idea," Link blinked.

"And then you can do a victory dance!" Ivan cheered.

Link looked at the Bubbles floating in front of him. He swung the rope at a faster rate.

"Wait for it…wait for it…" Link paused.

"Now!" Ivan exclaimed.

Link flung the Grappling Hook at the thinner part of the ceiling poles. He swung across the crevice, narrowly missing both of the Bubbles. Link landed on the other side.

"Hooray! Yahoo!" Ivan let out.

"Wow, Ivan. Thanks for the advice," Link smirked. "Though, I would have figured it out eventually. Considering I have brains and you don't."

"That's right!" Ivan hummed.

Link paused. He stared at the little fairy. He began spinning around in circles once again.

"Or do you?" Link asked.

"Waffles?" Ivan blinked.

"Erm, never mind," Link sighed.

Link looked around. All that stood before him was the door, and a glowing switch on the floor. Out of curiosity, Link stepped on it. The bars rose up on a sealed room. Link stepped off. The bars fell back down.

"Hey, Ivan," Link turned to the fairy. "You think you could hit this switch for me?"

"Okie dokie, kazoo yokie!" Ivan giggled at a fast pace.

Ivan flew down towards the switch on the floor. He ricocheted off of it. This resulted in the switch being pressed for a split second, then deactivating. This, however, didn't stop Ivan from wildly bouncing up and down on it.

"Weeeee!" Ivan let out. "This is fun, fun, fun, fun! This reminds me of that one time…"

Of course, Link sighed. It was Navi who was the one with super strength, not Ivan. Ivan just kinda hung around and looked cute most of time. But apart from that, he didn't really do anything useful. Link paused. Why was he hanging around again?

"…and that's when Rauru gave Saria the teleportation device to congratulate her for constructing it!" Ivan said while bouncing. "And she was so happy that, oh boy, she…"

Right, Link sighed. Saria. Whoever the heck she was, Navi wasn't going to let Ivan out of her sight until she found that girl. Link looked at the green fairy. Well, _technically _Ivan was out of Navi's sight, but Ivan was with him. And of course, Link combed his hair back, Link was a hero. Not only a hero, but a man too. Navi left Ivan in good hands. Link strode confidently forward.

Link then realized he was in the next room.

"Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! I know!" Ivan exclaimed. "If you take your claw hook thingy and swing it up onto there, then get the stone friend guy, and then you sit on there, and a bridge will appear for the friend stone guy to cross!"

"Ivan, please don't talk," Link sighed. "I'm trying to figure this out—wait…"

Link looked at the layout of the room. He traced the solution of the puzzle Ivan suggested out with his eyes. He obviously needed to use his Grappling Hook to get across the crevice, however it would be next to impossible to get the statue across in this manner. Link looked over. That's where the switch came into play, he assumed, and since glowing architecture was a common theme in this dungeon, the switch was obviously the solution. There, he would probably be expected to play his new Command Melody, which he would then use to get the statue across. Link paused. Granted, it wasn't that hard of a puzzle, but Ivan _had_ figured it out before him.

Link raised both eyebrows. Wow. Ivan had problem solving skills. Who knew?

"Can we eat cheese cake later?" Ivan looked at Link with watered eyes.

Link stared at Ivan.

"I can't decide whether you're a genius or just so stupid that you're smart," Link said.

"Zippidity do dah!"

Link sighed. "And you need to calm down some more."

Link swung across the crevice.

"And make Wind Castles?" Ivan asked.

"Sure, whatever," Link sighed.

Link turned to the altar set up in the middle of the room.

"Okay, buddy," Link called out. "Come on down. We have some dungeon crawling we need you to do."

The pillar lowered before Link. On it, like the previous one was a stone statue, with an almost exact duplicate of the previous one, apart from horns. The statue seemed to stretch.

"Gee! Wow, it's been a long time since I've been able to stretch like this," the statue hummed. "Mmmm… _Haaaaa_…"

"Oh, great, this one talks too," Link groaned.

"How do you do, mister statue?" Ivan held out a hand.

"Oh! A fairy!" the statue said. "Just like the ones back home."

"Wow, I didn't know there were fairies living here," Ivan paused.

Link raised both eyebrows. He walked off.

"It's been so long since I've actually had a conversation with someone," the statue seemed happy. "Well, someone who wasn't dead like I am."

A bridge made out of light crossed the crevice.

Ivan cocked his head. "You're dead?"

"Yeeaahh…" the statue sighed. "See, I come from the Deku Palace back in Termina. My dad is the Butler there. Or, at least he was when I was still there. Anyways, so one day I decided to go out adventuring and—"

A bland tune filled the air. The statue stopped moving, then looked around.

"Whoa, neat," the statue paused. "So this is what it's like not to have arms."

"Huh?" Ivan blinked.

"Uggaahh!" a voice nearby let out. "W-what's going on? What's happening to me?"

The fairy flew off as the statue turned to Link. He looked terrified, and dropped the Wind Waker.

"I was over there and now I—ahh! I have arms again?" Link gasped. "And _fingers?_"

"Yeah, yeah, whatever," the statue sighed. "Now you just stay there and keep the bridge up, okay?"

With that, the statue began hopping across the bridge.

"My-my Time Goddess!" the Hylian let out. "Fingers feel so weird! It's like spiders—"

"Don't finish that sentence," the statue glared at the boy.

The statue continued his trek across the bridge.

"And what's this?" the boy gasped. "In the boots…are these…_TOES?_"

The Hylian boy lifted his feet to get a better look, and fell over. The bridge disappeared from under the statue.

"Ahhhhh!" the statue screamed.

"I don't know what's going on, but I'm so sorry!" the boy yelled after it.

The statue repoped on top of the pillar.

"Great going, genius," the statue grumbled.

"What in Fierce Deity's name is going on here?" the boy trembled.

"Okay, calm down," the statue groaned. "Since you obviously haven't pieced it together yet, we've switched bodies. That's all."

"Oh," the boy gulped. "Yes, I suppose you were wearing this when I saw you."

"Anyways," the statue containing Link's soul sighed, "what I'm _trying_ to do is to complete the puzzle. In order to do that, I need you to step on that switch. Then we can finish up this body transfer business."

The boy nodded slowly. "O-okay."

"Now if I can just—well, this sucks," Link grumbled. "Can't move. Come and call me."

"Umm… How?" the boy blinked.

"I dunno," the statue shrugged. "I've generally just walked over and said something, and the pillar descends by itself."

The boy walked over to the pillar. "Okay, um…hello?"

The pillar descended. Link the statue hopped down.

"Thank you," the statue huffed.

"It was my pleasure, good sir," the boy smiled.

"Can you go back onto the switch?" Link the statue asked. "I'll just get your, erm, 'vessel' across."

"Oh!" the boy jumped. "Why certainly! This won't take a moment."

The boy stood on the switch and the light bridge reappeared. The statue willfully hopped across to the other side.

"Okay, now can you play the Command Melody?" Link the statue called out.

"Command Melody?" the boy blinked.

"If I could face palm, I would," the statue sounded annoyed. "See that little white stick?"

The boy looked around, and picked up the item. DUH DUH DUH NUUUUUUHHHH! The Soul of the Deku Butler's Son got the Wind Waker. Sheesh, this guy seriously needs to get a name.

"…T-That was weird," the boy gulped.

"You get used to it after a while," Link the statue said. "Anyway, what I want you to do is move your right hand to the right, and move your left hand to the right, the center, the left, and the center again. Got it?"

The boy looked confused. "But good sir, what will that—"

"Just do it," Link grumbled.

The statue stared impatiently as the boy played the Command Melody with the baton. A whirring sensation filled the bodies of both vessels. Link opened his eyes. He stared down at his fingers.

"Dang, it's a weird feeling when you suddenly get arms back," Link pondered.

"Tell me about it," the statue chuckled nervously at the other end of the room.

Link pulled out his Grappling Hook and swung across the crevice one more.

"That was a big waste of time," Link sighed. "Navi won't be pleased about this."

Ivan flew up to Link and the statue.

"That's okay, tree frog," Ivan nodded. "At least we still have the fishies."

"Huh, Ivan, forgot you were here," Link paused. "No wonder Navi loses track of you so easily. What have you been doing?"

"Well, you said that I needed to calm down," Ivan explained, "so I decided to meditate."

"You know meditation?" Link blinked.

"Yup!" Ivan hummed.

"Come to think of it," the statue paused. "I heard chanting of Italian Recipes earlier…"

"Uhhh…" Link blinked.

"I remember what the space monkeys told me," Ivan held in his breath. "Breath in… ¾ cup Ricotta cheese… Breath out… Breath in… two slices of Proscuitto… Breath out…"

Link raised an eyebrow. "I'm just not going to ask…"

"So, what was this dungeon crawling you wanted me to—ahh!" the statue let out. "Wait a minute… It's you!"

"Oh great," Link groaned. "This one recognizes me too."

"…You!" the statue sounded as if it were about to cry. "You ruined me! You stared me right in the eye on the first day, trapped me in a statue on the second, leaned on my head, and on the fourth day you walked right past me!"

"Fourth day of what?" Link asked.

"How could you!" the statue wailed. "From what I heard from my other imprisoned friends, you had the power to turn me back! You could have just stopped for one second in your trek home and played six notes! Then I could have returned to my friends! Then I could have returned to my family! They didn't have to see me in that mangled form!"

"I'm…sorry?" Link blinked.

The statue began sobbing loudly.

"…I'm just going to pick you up, okay?" Link said.

Link lifted the statue over his head.

"Here, have a tissue," Ivan said.

Ivan raised the tip of Link's hat to the statue.

"T-T-Thanks," the statue sniffled. "But I don't exactly have tears."

"Oh," Ivan said.

"H-Hey!" Link huffed. "Don't offer my hat without my permission!"

Link walked through the door.

* * *

Link came into the other room. He turned to the switch on the floor. Link's face lit up.

"_Heeey!_" Link exclaimed. "We can use paper weight here to stay on the switch while I go and explore that room over there!"

"Yay, paper weight!" Ivan cheered.

"Huh?" the statue blinked.

Link placed the statue on the switch. The bars lowered in front of the far door.

"Excellent!" Link grinned. "Now you stay here."

Link used his Grappling Hook at an impossible angle and swung over to the far door. Ivan followed close behind.

"But I—" the statue began.

"Later!" Link called out behind him.

"We'll be back to do our billing one day!" Ivan added.

The door slammed shut. The Deku Scrub's Soul made a big sad face.

* * *

Link burst through the door, with Ivan bobbing along idly behind him. The bars slammed down behind Link. Link smirked. It took a long time to come, he had to admit, but he was finally at the Mini Boss's room.

He drew his sword and glared eagerly at the scene in front of him. He blinked. He rubbed his eyes with his free hand. Inside the room was a couch and footstool, side table, a small TV, several pieces of armour scattered on the floor, and by the far wall was…a _kitchen? _Link turned to the monster on the couch, which was clutching a milk mug. His jaw dropped.

"Oh Cyclos," Link stared in amazement. "It's…it's…"

"Cluttered!" Ivan exclaimed.

"No—well… That too. But that's not what I meant," Link said.

"Oh?" Ivan asked.

"It's a Dark Nut!" Link gaped. "I can now prove my worth as a knight!"

The Iron Knuckle snapped his head around. He stared at the small boy in green and his small flying companion.

"Wow," Ivan gasped. "Tree frogs can become knights too? I thought only hedgehogs and echidnas could do that…"

"Dang," Link huffed. "Here I thought that after you meditated, that you'd be logical too."

The Iron Knuckle cleared his throat. "Excuse me, but could you please lower your voices? I'm trying to watch this program, and I would appreciate it if you would wait until the commercial breaks to talk."

"Oh, uh, yeah," Link blushed. "Sorry about—hey! Wait a minute!"

Link ran forward with his sword raised. The faint light of the TV rippled onto his face, making his pose more dramatic (at least, that's what he hoped). His elegant form sprinted forward, with sword held high. Link glanced at the TV screen. 'Hacked' was on. Link stopped in his tracks.

Link blinked. "I think my grandma watches that show."

"Really?" the Iron Knuckle asked. "This or the Hylian variation?"

"Hylian version, I think," Link said.

"Yes," the Iron Knuckle stroked his chin. "I tried watching that one once, but I thought the ingredients they used were too unappetizing."

Link squinted at the TV. He saw one of the chefs cutting up a newt tail.

Link shrugged. "Yeah, depends on what your tastes are, really—Wait a second! I'm trying to kill you!"

The Iron Knuckle raised an eyebrow. "Whatever would you do that for?"

"You're a Dark Nut! A bad guy!" Link let out. "I'm _supposed _to rid the world of your evil."

"Actually, I prefer 'Iron Knuckle'," the Iron Knuckle added. "It doesn't make me sound 'nutty', as one would say."

"What difference does that make?" Link huffed.

The Iron Knuckle sighed. "Look, if this is about the treasure, then you have my permission to collect it. I have no need for it. My hands are too small and my arms are too muscular for it, anyway."

The Iron Knuckle pointed behind him. Link looked at an empty spot.

"I don't see anything," Link said.

"Oh, sorry," the Iron Knuckle said. "My bad."

The Iron Knuckle slammed his fist down on the arm of the couch. A treasure chest dropped down from above.

Link was at a loss for words. "But I… You… Newts…!"

"Newts tails are quite delicious when prepared properly," the Iron Knuckle nodded. "Wouldn't you agree? Sounds much better than that _broccoli_ stuff you Hylians have."

"But that's… Ewww!" Link cringed. "Come on, Ivan, aren't you going to anything about this?"

"I'm waiting for commercial break," Ivan whispered.

Link slapped his forehead.

"If that is all you came for, then please excuse me…" Iron Knuckle shrugged.

"I'm still going to fight you!" Link let out.

"Erm… Why?"

"Huh?" Link paused. "Um, I'm the hero. I'm supposed to do stuff like that."

"Not only that, but tree frog here wants to be a knight!" Ivan piped up. "Sonic has competition."

"Ivan, shut up," Link said.

"But it's commercial break—"

"A knight?" the Iron Knuckle asked. "Oh, you wish for my Knight's Crest as well? It's lying over on the side table."

Link walked over to the side table, then to the treasure chest. DUH DUH DUH NUUUUUUHHHH! Link got the Hero's Bow and a Knight's Crest. Two for one deal. Sweet.

"…I feel ripped off," Link paused.

"Your feelings have been ripped off of you?" Ivan gasped. "Ouch! That must hurt!"

Ivan flew up and hugged Link's arm.

"Not that I miss Navi or anything," Link paused. "But whenever I'm with you, all logic goes out the window."

"You can sit down and watch with me, if you'd like," the Iron Knuckle spoke up. "It might be an interesting experience for a Hylian like you to watch the monster version of the show."

Link stared at his new items, then at the Iron Knuckle.

"I don't get it," Link paused. "Why are you acting so nice to me?"

"Am I not allowed to?" the monster replied. "I don't see reason to think ill of you. You and I are the same, after all."

"Huh?" Link blinked. "No we're not."

"Aren't we?" The Iron Knucle asked. "We are both foot soldiers in the same war."

"But you don't understand, mister," Ivan frowned. "Tree frog wants to be a knight, not a soldier of feet."

"I'm not a foot soldier!" Link protested. "I'm a man—"

"I, a foot soldier for his Lordship Ganondorf," the Iron Knuckle continued. "And you being a foot soldier for the goddesses."

"Uhh… Hmm…" Link paused. "When you put it that way, I guess we sound kinda similar. But I still don't get why you don't just get up and fight me."

"The only differences I can think of between us, is only a matter of written history," the Iron Knuckle closed his eyes. "You are likely to go down as a hero, while I will most likely be forgotten."

"Ouch," Link flinched.

"Awww…" Ivan frowned. "Do you need a hug too?"

The Iron Knuckle paused. "Erm, no, I am quite—"

Ivan flew up and hugged the Iron Knuckle's ear.

"Ermm…" the Iron Knuckle blinked.

"He does this all the time," Link sighed. "Just ignore him."

"I see…" the Iron Knuckle paused. "Anyways, but it is not the history of our world by which I live by, but rather the Way of the Knight."

Link raised both eyebrows. "In that case, I think you're missing something here. Knights, you know, do combat."

The Iron Knuckle only chuckled. "My boy, it is you that is missing the point. Knighthood is not just about picking up a sword and engaging in combat."

"Oooo…" Ivan gasped.

"I fail to see how it isn't," Link said.

The Iron Knuckle stood up and faced Link. For the first time, Link noticed their size difference.

"In knighthood you fight for all that is just, for the righteous, and to keep the peace," the Iron Knuckle stared Link down. "One does not simply use their sword without reason for such actions will only lead to recklessness and arrogance."

Oh great, Link sighed. Another 'I'm-going-to-make-you-wiser' speech old people feel the violent need to give. Didn't he get enough of to last him a lifetime from Grandma?

"This was especially true in ancient times," the Iron Knuckle continued. "How else were we to keep the peace in his Lordship's streets?"

"Wow…" Ivan gasped. "A monster police officer…"

The Iron Knuckle smiled. "In a sense, yes. Though, I don't recall ever getting donuts…"

Link rolled his eyes. "Anything else you'd like to add?"

"Since you seem to be collecting these crests, it seems safe to assume that you too wish to walk in the ways of the knights."

"Yup!" Ivan nodded. "Tree frog wants to show that hedgehogs ain't where it's at!"

Ivan let go and began making punching motions in the air.

"I see, I see," the Iron Knuckle chuckled. "Very well. I shall impart some of what I learned on you, boy."

"Are you going to give me fencing lessons too?" Link groaned. "'Cause I already know how to use a sword."

"True that, true that…" the Iron Knuckle nodded. "If you did not, you would not be able to make it this far into the tower."

"Ooo! I'd like to learn how to use a sword!" Ivan raised his hand. "Pick me! Pick me!"

"Erm…" the Iron Knuckle paused. "As much as I would like to, I regret to inform you that our size differences may make that a tad difficult."

"Um, I'm the one you're talking to, right?" Link asked.

"That is correct," the Iron Knuckle nodded. "And so, I will to leave you with but one message."

The Iron Knuckle walked up to the boy, looking him in the eye. Link groaned internally. This was going to be about picking up garbage, respecting the elderly, and always eat his vegetables, wasn't it?

"A true knight knows when not to fight," the Iron Knuckle said.

The Iron Knuckle handed Link a Knight's Crest.

Link sighed. "Yeah, yeah, I'll brush my teeth twice a day—wait, that's it?"

"That is all," the Iron Knuckle smiled.

With that, the Iron Knuckle headed back to the couch.

"Wow… That was, um…" Link paused. "Wow…"

"Yaaay! Knighthood!" Ivan clapped.

Link stared back at his reflection in the Knight's Crest. His eyes youthful and large, as expected by his age. Maybe, Link pondered, maybe it wasn't about fighting. Maybe being a knight was to know when to make the right decisions, and act wisely. Maybe—DUH DUH DUH NUUUUUUHHHH! Link got another Knight's Crest! _Dang!_ That was very, very delayed.

"So much for that," Link groaned. "Well, Ivan, you ready to go?"

"Aww," Ivan frowned. "But this couch is squishy."

"Ivan, now is not the time to be watching gory monster cooking shows," Link said.

"Okay," Ivan sighed.

Link glanced at the Knight's Crest, then at the Iron Knuckle, who was watching T.V. again. Not the worst I'm-going-to-make-you-wiser speech he ever endured, but was just about as boring as the other ones. He was twelve now. He was a man. If there was anything about the world he hadn't learned by now, then he could learn it by himself.

Link pocketed the Knight's Crest. Link paused.

"…Wait a second," Link blinked. "I thought I already got one of these from you."

"Oh, that was one of my spares," the Iron Knuckle nodded. "Gotta carry more than one on you. Never know when a small boy in green will steal one from you."

"Um, I guess…" Link paused.

"We'd better get going, Knight Guy Sir!" Ivan waved. "After all, Navi's waiting for us!"

"Oh crap. Navi," Link paled.

"Very well then, then we must part," the Iron Knuckle glanced over his shoulder. "May the winds of fortune blow with you."

"Er, uh, likewise," Link chuckled.

"But before you go…" the Iron Knuckle bit his lip. "May I, erm, ask a quick favour?"

"I guess?" Link asked.

The Iron Knuckle stood up tall. The red glint in his eyes was especially evident against the faint light from the T.V. The Iron Knuckle stormed up to Link, staring down to him once more. Link gulped.

"Could you undo the bindings on the back of my armour?" it asked. "I've tried, but I am unable to reach that far."

Link raised his eyebrows. "Okay?"

Link pulled out his sword and cut the bindings. The breastplate clattered onto the floor.

"Ahhh…" the Iron Knuckle stretched. "Much better."

"Bye then?" Link asked. "Hey… I just realized… Now that I have a bow, I can shoot the eyeballs scattered throughout the dungeon, and uncover all sorts of mystical goodies."

"Goodies?" Ivan gasped. "Like cookies?"

"That very well may be the case!" Link grinned. "Or riches to buy us cookies!"

The Iron Knuckle raised an eyebrow.

"Yaaaay!" Ivan cheered.

Link headed for the door.

"Thanks for the stuff, Iron Knuckle!" Link waved behind him. "I'm going off to procrastinate now!"

Link ran eagerly through the door, slamming it behind him.

"…Best of luck?" the Iron Knuckle blinked.

* * *

"I wonder what he's doing in there," the statue sighed.

The statue stared wistfully at the far door. The fiery bubbles floating around aimlessly, and the crevice looking ever blacker. The door, oh that ever far away door, just a gigantic pit beyond the statue's grasp. As was everything in the room, except the door beside him, which he had no method of opening. Well, that funny guy who ruined his life had no real method of opening them either, but the game designers seemed to favour him over the ignored, helpless little statue. The statue sighed heavily.

"Well, at least he said he'd be back soon," the statue smiled. "It's not like I'm going to be abandoned again."

The door to the far room opened.

"DUNGEON CRAWLING! WOO!" Link cheered.

Link swung across the pit and ran into the far door without hesitation.

"Knighthood!" it yelled.

A green ball of light followed shortly afterward.

The Deku Scrub's Soul made an even bigger sad face.

* * *

Link walked through the door. Link placed the statue down on the ground. To the sound of soft whimpering, it hopped forward.

"Oh my Din, what took you so long?" Navi let out.

Link turned to Navi, who was leaning against a pillar. He grinned widely.

"Side questing."

"I hate you."

"What?" Link huffed. "You _don't_ want me to get treasure charts?"

"Not when it takes two hours," Navi huffed.

"I got another Joy Pendant too," Link shrugged.

"You took _two hours_," Navi groaned.

"Well, I got here, didn't I?" Link scoffed.

"…I've never felt," the statue whimpered, "so alone…"

Navi sighed. "Well, at least you had the decency to ditch Ivan—"

Ivan flew through the door and tackle glomped her. "_Naaaavvviii!_ Guess what! I saw chopped up newt's tails!"

There was a pause.

"I hate him too."

"Relax, Navi," Link chuckled. "There were only two rooms anyway. It's not like th—"

"There were only two rooms, and you couldn't just drop the statue off and _then_ get the other treasures?" Navi yelled. "I should have said something when I saw you pass through this room a couple times!"

Link shrugged. "It's okay, Navi. Besides, if I didn't get the treasure right away, it would have bothered me—"

"GAAHH!" Navi let out.

Navi began banging her head against a wall.

"Navi, I'm not sure that's good for you…" Ivan paused.

Link paused. "So, uh, you brought the other statue I take it?"

"Two hours ago, yes," Navi groaned.

"I'm just going to head over there," Link smiled weakly.

Ivan turned to Link. "Will Navi be okay—"

"Yes, she'll be fine," Link said. "Now come on."

Link and Ivan made their way over to the third and final statue, which already stood proud upon its pedestal. It stared back at him disinterestedly.

"Greetings," it said.

"Uh, hi," Link raised an eyebrow.

"Hi! My name is Toaster! What's your name?" Ivan asked.

"Darmani," the statue replied.

"Wait a second," Link turned to the fairy. "I thought your name was Ivan."

"Oh _yeaaah_…" Ivan pondered.

"So, um, Darmani," Link began, "aren't you going to go on about how I ruined your girlfriend or hit on your life or something?"

"I don't see any need to," Darmani's soul replied.

"Really?" Link asked.

"I do not find reason to wish you ill will. Unlike my other two associates, you saved my people," Darmani's soul said.

"_Dang_," Link grinned, "I'm awesome."

"He means my Link, you dolt," Navi shouted from afar.

"Darmani, you backstabbing jerk!" Mikau's soul yelled.

"You mean you don't… You think…" the Deku Scrub's Soul sounded as heartbroken as ever.

"When we get around to reincarnating, I'm gonna kick your butt for that!" Mikau's soul shouted.

Link looked around idly. "Okay, um, cool."

There was a pause.

"A statue that doesn't want to kill me… Man, this is weird," Link let out.

"Says the boy who _isn't_ sealed away into a statue," Darmani's soul replied.

"Good point," Link shrugged.

"I don't get it," Ivan frowned. "Why haven't you all gone _'ba-zing!'_ yet?"

"Ivan's got a point," Navi flew over. "We gathered all three of the statues here. You'd _think _that would do something."

"Oh, we could have done something by now, alright!" Mikau's statue glared from afar. "But we just didn't _feel_ like it."

"Come now, Mikau," Darmani's statue sighed. "Now is not the time to be difficult."

"But what about the little guy?" Mikau's soul asked. "Doesn't his shattered hopes and dreams count for anything?"

"Actually, I'm feeling a bit better now," the Deku Scrub's piped up.

"Shh!" Mikau's soul shushed. "You're not helping my case, buddy."

"I fail to see how giving me a guilt trip will be at all productive," Darmani's soul huffed.

"Yeah, well _I _fail to see how helping these twits will—" Mikau's soul began.

"Shut up, both of you!" Navi let out. "Please! I just want to finish this dungeon. I have other things I could be doing, like finding my Kokiri and finding Ivan's Kokiri. We won't be out of your hair if you keep bickering like this!"

There was a pause. Then a triangular symbol on all of the statues lit up, and beams of light shot forth. The beams collided to form a bright pillar of light with a magenta hue.

"Oh my Cyclos Baby Turds!" Link let out.

"Link, that made no sense," Navi face palmed.

"Hurry up and go in before we change our minds," Mikau's statue grumbled.

Link nodded headed into portal, with the two fairies following close behind. Once inside, he stared at himself. He gasped.

"Whoa!" he exclaimed. "My tunic looks blue in this lightin—"

The boy was warped away into the purple light and teleported elsewhere.

"Okay…" the statue with Mikau's soul paused. "Now what?"

"What do you mean by that?" the statue with Darmani's soul stiffly turned its head.

"Guys, face it," the statue with Mikau's soul sighed. "We inadvertently possessed three statues that unlock this portal. In other words, we have to stay here for however long it takes that twerp to get up there. And if he ever wants to come back, then we have to still be here, keeping the portal up just in case."

"Come to think of it…" the statue with the Deku Scrub's soul pondered. "I can't seem to quite get my butt off the ground right now…"

"So…" the statue with Darmani's soul paused. "We are stuck in another situation where we are forced to be stationary, while Link is going around fighting evil."

"And this time," the statue with Mikau's soul pointed out. "We _can _actually move around, but we've practically been glued down."

"Aw, come on, guys!" the statue with the Deku Scrub's soul piped up. "Stop making it sound so bad! This could end up being really fun! We could play lots of games! Like…um…I Spy!"

There was an awkward silence. Two statues stared at the other, which looked excitedly around the room.

"Now, let's see…" the statue with the Deku Scrub's soul looked around the room. "I spy…with my little eye…something that is…purple!"

The statue with Mikau's soul in it, sighed. "This is going to be a _looongggg _existence…"

* * *

Link walked up some stairs and onto a pathway exposed by the open air.

"Those statue weight guys with the one eye were alive too," Link shrugged. "Who knew?"

Navi sighed. "Well, at least you have the Boss's Key—"

"Big Key," Link corrected.

"…At least you have the _Big _Key, now," Navi huffed. "That means we're almost at the end."

"Yup," Link nodded.

"Yaay!" Ivan exclaimed. "Does this mean we've got all the items now?"

"That reminds me," Navi paused.

Navi pulled out a couple things and threw them at Link. DUH DUH DUH NUUUUUUHHHH! Link got another Treasure Chart and Joy Pendant! Man, they're just handing stuff out this dungeon, aren't they?

"Oww!" Link let out. "Was that really necessary?"

"That was for making me wait two hours for you to show up," Navi huffed.

"Uh oh!" Ivan gasped. "Lasers!"

"Oh come on," Link huffed. "You've been on my case ever since we got her—"

A laser beam struck Link. Link jumped back. He looked and saw a green eye on top of a pedestal shooting a constant stream of the laser beam.

"Ack!" Link let out. "One of these things? I've tried everything on them and they still won't die!"

"The arrows!" Ivan piped up. "Arrows! Arrows!"

"You've told me to use them on everything ever since I got them," Link said.

"Link, this is a dungeon," Navi added. "If you find a piece of equipment in it, the game designers expect you to exploit it to death."

"Good point," Link shrugged.

Link pulled out his bow and shot at the eye. It shattered. Ivan began clapping.

"Sweet," Link said.

Link continued up the stairs.

"Lucky guess on Ivan's part," Navi shrugged.

"I don't think so," Link shrugged. "I think he legitimately figured it out."

"Link, listen to yourself," Navi huffed. "Ivan is an idiot."

"You know, I don't think Ivan is as stupid as you think he is," Link turned to Navi. "Sure, he's not the brightest fairy in your forest, but he doesn't seem completely brainless."

Navi rolled her eyes. "I guess it takes an idiot to defend an idiot."

Link stopped in his tracks and stared at Navi. She flew forward. That's right, wasn't it? Navi was always calling everyone idiots, Link recalled. She called Ivan an idiot, her old friend an idiot, and even called him an idiot too. But this wasn't true—Ivan wasn't a complete idiot, and Link, himself, had the brains of a child genius. Link nodded confidently, the latter he knew for certain.

"Why are you nodding?" Ivan asked.

"Quiet, Ivan, I'm thinking," Link shushed.

Then there was the issue of Navi's old friend, who was also named Link. Sure, some of the stuff Navi said about him made him sound a little out of the loop, but he wasn't an idiot either, was he?

"What are you staring out into space for?" Navi asked. "Come on!"

Link glared at Navi, and continued onward. It was almost like Navi was the idiot. Either that, or that was some hardcore denial.

"I don't like that look in your eye," Navi huffed. "You get it right before you're about to procrastinate."

"Where?" Ivan stared into Link's eyes. "Where?"

"Oh!" Link gasped. "I just remembered! There was this one room that I didn't—"

"LINK!" Navi let out.

"I'm only kidding," Link chuckled.

"I certainly hope you are," Navi huffed. "Because we are _not _going back now."

Link frowned. Navi was still in that bad mood. Link continued walking; it was probably a good idea to change the topic.

Link shot down another green eye. "So, um… O.N.A. What can you tell me about it?"

"It sucks?" Navi asked.

"No, I mean, like, do you know anything else about it?" Link asked. "Do you know where it came from?"

"Hmm…" Navi pondered. "Well, there are a couple rumours going around. But I suppose I can tell you the one I and most fairies believe."

Link smiled. Navi was taking the bait hook, line, and sinker.

"Long ago," Navi began, "when the land was new…well, the land I come from, Hyrule, was new, in a floating village in the sky, was a spirit who inhabited a sword as her vessel…"

"Woooww…" Ivan stared in awe.

Link raised an eyebrow. "Are you sure you're telling me the right story?"

"Shh!" Ivan let out.

"It was said that this being was so annoying," Navi continued, "so pestering, and so imposing, that they say that her dialogue wasn't optional…wasn't skippable…you _had _to listen to it or else she wouldn't let you go."

"That actually sounds kind of scary," Link's eyes widened. "O.N.A. that you can't ignore…"

"Indeed. The spirit bothered her master so much, they say, that when her soul was locked away, the first thing her master said was: 'WOO HOO! PARTY AT MY PLACE!'" Navi nodded. "But, that too is only one of the many rumours."

"Party?" Ivan looked around. "Where? Where?"

"Come on," Link huffed. "It couldn't have been that bad."

"That spirit," Navi continued, "that strange entity known only as…**_Fi_**…is said to be the source of all O.N.A. and they say that just by coming in mere contact with her would result in getting infected."

"Um, that makes no sense. If it's a spirit of a sword, then how would it spread to the fairies?" Link asked.

"Well, apparently the spirit's master was also a hero, and liked collecting pink fairies," Navi explained. "It just kinda spread from there."

"Ah," Link said.

Link shot down another green eye enemy.

"And I don't know why," Navi paused, "but I can't help but feel that it's all Zelda's fault somehow."

"I see," Link shrugged. "Of course, I never really met that 'Zelda' you always complain about, but…"

"Yeah, I know," Navi sighed. "Dang it, I need to find my Link."

Link scurried past two pink eye things and stood in front of the boss's room, with that signature golden lock.

"Finally," Navi sighed. "The boss's room."

"Yup," Link nodded. "Now all we need to do is kick it's butt and get on with saving Aryll."

"Uh, you sure it'll be that easy?" Navi asked. "Generally, boss battles get more and more difficult with each subsequent dungeon."

"Relax, Navi," Link smirked. "This won't be hard!"

* * *

"OH MY CYCLOS, WHAT IS WITH THIS TEMPLE?" Link screamed.

A battered and bruised hero dashed across the room with a gigantic, metal, ancient Aztec-like head loomed over him in pursuit. Two hands built in similar style were dangling limply in the background. The eyes of the head glowed a faint red. One eye, however, was closed.

"Twenty-nine arrows wasted, twenty-five bombs gone, potential brain damage, and down to three hearts," Navi said. "My, you're careless."

"Nonsense," Link chuckled nervously. "This bump on the head doesn't mean anything!"

Link pointed to his goose egg. Some blood splurted out.

"…Right," Navi said. "My Nayru, I wish we had the sour milk."

"Watch out for the bomb thingies!" Ivan called out.

Link looked up to see the mouth of the statue's head opened up. Out came a bombardment of gray missiles, raining down near Link. Link ran around in circles and barely missed getting hit.

"Ack!" Link let out. "Why is this so hard? Come on, I only have three hearts! You think you could take it a little easy there, pal?"

"You wouldn't be down to three hearts if you hadn't stopped to take Pictographs," Navi noted.

"But the glint in the eyes! It's so—" Link began.

The gray projectiles flew at Link once more. Link ran around like a pansy.

"Less excuses, more fighting," Navi yelled.

The smoke cleared, Link wiped his brow.

Link smiled. "At least it's almost dead…hopefully…"

Link spun around and aimed his bow at the open eye of the floating mechanical head. He let go. The arrow hurtled through the air and straight into the cheek.

"Dang it!" Link let out. "I'm all out of arrows."

"That's okay," Ivan patted Link on the back. "The big guy will just snot some more for you!"

Link raised an eyebrow. "Say wha—"

The head of the statue blew arrows out his nose. Link, with eyebrow raised, picked up the arrows.

Link stared in disbelief. "That is wrong in so many ways."

"Wait, wait, wait!" Navi piped up. "You, mister big statue thing guy, mentioned earlier that this is Link's final challenge! It's a _test_. People who are testing us shouldn't give _help_ us! If Link didn't bring enough arrows with him and he fails at the test, it's his fault for obviously didn't plan far enough ahead."

The statue said nothing and focused on Link again. The statue opened its mouth and began shooting at Link once more.

"Ahhh!" Link yelled.

"…I hate it when my rants fall on deaf ears…" Navi paused.

"You mean all of them?" Link asked while running.

"Hey!"

"Ha ha ha ha—ugah!" Link fell flat on his face.

"Navi, is the tree frog going to die?" Ivan asked.

"Probably," Navi shrugged. "But don't worry. If worst comes to worst, we can sacrifice you to revive him."

"Don't worry, tree frog!" Ivan flew forward. "I'll save you!"

"Oh Din," Navi face palmed.

Ivan charged toward the head of the metal statue. The statue paused, blinked a couple times, and stared in silence at the fairy.

"Look! Look!" Ivan exclaimed. "_Shiny!_"

Ivan began glowing different colours. The metal head of the statue stared back.

"_Oooo_…" it let out in a low rumble.

"YOU'VE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!" Navi yelled. "That actually WORKED?"

"Told you," Link smirked.

"Told me what?" Navi snapped. "That Ivan can glow like a disco ball?"

"No, that Ivan's not that stu—" Link sighed.

"Quick, tree frog!" Ivan turned to Link. "Arrows! Arrows!"

"Right!" Link smiled.

Link shot an arrow at the eye of the head. As soon as the eye closed, the head of the statue fell to the floor with the mouth wide open. Link had a bomb waiting, and threw it into the gaping mouth. Smoke poured out of the nostrils and ear holes of the mechanical face.

"I have lost all faith in life," Navi sighed.

"Don't worry, Navi," Ivan flew up. "I'll find it for you!"

Ivan began searching the room.

"Ivan, get back here!" Navi let out.

A light began to shine behind the statue.

"The path can now be opened," the head spoke. "Oh, Chosen One... What will now come to pass is tied to your fate—the path that you have chosen. Go forward with caution."

"Hooray!" Ivan lifted his arms up in the air.

"Boo yeah!" Link cheered. "Fought a boss without using my physical strength, and resorted to material goods!"

Link and Ivan danced on the spot. Navi stared blankly at them. A beam of purple light appeared in front of them. The mechanical head and the two hands fell back into place in their places on the walls. The head of the statue snorted out a Heart Container, which landed next to Link.

"Ewww…" Link cringed. "That has android snot on it, doesn't it?"

Navi picked up the Heart Container, and smacked Link in the face with it. DUH DUH DUH NUUUUUUHHHH! Link got a Heart Container…to the face! All of Link's health was instantly restored.

"H-Hey!" Link let out. "What gives?"

"That was for making me sit through all of last chapter, where you didn't do much of anything," Navi smirked.

"You're _still_ mad about that?" Link groaned. "Come on, I got a filled up map. What more do you want?"

"For you to step into this portal," Navi said.

Link rolled his eyes and stepped into the beam of light. He teleported away.

"Yes!" Navi did a jig. "He actually listened to me for once!"

"Uh, Navi?" Ivan blinked.

"Er, let's go," Navi blushed.

Navi and Ivan followed Link and teleported away.

* * *

Link descended down from the sky. He landed on roof of the tower. There, Link saw a large bell will a far up measly little hook to ring it.

"Wow! The sky!" Ivan exclaimed. "It's bluer than I remembered it!"

"…Not the first thing I'd notice…" Navi paused. "But, yes, it has been a while since we've seen the sky, hasn't it?"

Link turned around, walked over to the edge of the roof.

"Don't go off searching for jars, you hear?" Navi called out to Link. "You've got enough useless junk to make Zelda happy."

He looked over. There he saw a familiar wall, with a distinct Link-imprint. Complete with little teeth marks.

"I knew I would have saved myself a lot of time if I could have just climbed that wall," Link grumbled.

"Just get over here and ring the bell," Navi huffed. "We've wasted enough time at this place."

Link wandered back to the bell. As he did so, he stared in awe how high up the bell and its hook was.

Link raised an eyebrow. "How do I…?"

"Grappling hook?" Ivan asked.

Link equipped his Grappling Hook.

"So, what? Now you listen to every word he says?" Navi huffed.

"Got any better suggestions?" Link asked.

"You two are impossible," Navi groaned.

Link swung the rope and began swinging on the hook. Soon the ringing of the bell filled the air. The camera panned down the Tower of the Gods to show at the base of the tower a faint light appearing in the waves. Link sailed over to it with his boat.

"Where does this boat keep coming from?" Link let out.

"Not to mention how we got down here in the first place," Navi paused. "And so quickly too. Did we jump or something?"

Ivan gasped. "Maybe the boat is…alive!"

Link and Navi stared at Ivan. They raised an eyebrow in unison.

"Now that's just silly," Link said.

"And what have I told you about shutting up—" Navi began.

"You have done well, Link," Ivan jolted violently. "It would seem that the gods have acknowledged you to be a true hero."

"Of course he has an O.N.A. ," Navi groaned.

"But this does not mean your trials have ended here..." Ivan continued. "Once you take your first step into the world beyond the ring of light you see shimmering in the waves before you…your true trial will begin. Are you ready, Link?"

"I guess…?" Link asked.

Ivan fell in a downward spiral into the water. Link fished the fairy out with his fingers.

"Hmm… He looks a bit weak… Wanna give him artificial respiration or something?" Link asked.

Navi turned bright pink. "H-He's fine!"

"If you insist," Link shrugged.

Link placed the fairy into the mouth of the boat.

"So, shall we sail into the light or search for your friend or…?" Link asked.

"You know what I don't know. I just don't know," Navi sighed. "I'm beginning to think that he isn't out there and all of this has just been a wild goose chase."

"Is that a no or…?" Link said cautiously.

"Fine! Fine," Navi let out. "Let's just get going, okay?"

Link sailed into the ring on the waves with the fairies flying close behind.

* * *

Cherry-sama: _(tied to chair, beat up) _Finally! That chapter's over…

Toon Link: You have no right to speak, you terrible person!

Cherry-sama: Ah ha ha ha…

Samus: What I find ironic is that nobody voted for the characters you brought back.

Cherry-sama: Eh heh heh… Yeah, I guess I was the only one who missed Mikau a lot.

Mikau: You made me a bit of a jerk, though. Doubt anyone will miss me now.

Toon Link: What have I told you about speaking?

Cherry-sama: T.T

Medli: Then how will she ask the readers this chapter's question?

Toon Link: Hmmm… Fine. But one sentence.

Cherry-sama: So, readers, how would you feel about having a Question & Answer chapter at the end of the fanfic? A chapter entirely donated to questions you guys would like to ask the characters?

Navi: Are those even allowed by this site's rules?

Cherry-sama: I'm not sure… I don't see anything on their Terms of Service page that says that it violates this website's policies in any way. But, for all I know, it could be. Anyways, please revie—oww!

Toon Link: I said one sentence! And unless you're going to apologize, you're not allowed to speak.


	17. Chapter 11: Hey, Listen, Look, Watch Out

**Chapter 11 (I hate writing serious crap.)**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Legend of Zelda: the Wind Waker, potted plants, Mario, bromance, and I guess I technically don't own Black Beard either. I think I forgot to mention that in a previous chapter. Whoops.**

* * *

Cherry-sama: And the results are in!

Navi: Took you long enough.

Cherry-sama: Since not very many people said that they would be interested in a Q & A chapter with the characters, we won't be holding one.

Link: Okay?

Navi: Whatever.

Cherry-sama: Also, I forgot to mention last Author's Notes, my sister's LoZ fanfic "Desolate Winds" has the first chapter posted. Check it out and review for it!

Link: Uh, why?

Cherry-sama: Well, see, this is a very old story and she's been telling me about it for ages. Years, actually. Now that it's finally up (at least the first chapter), it's quite a relief.

Link: Good for you?

Cherry-sama: She's also my editor.

Link: Ah.

Cherry-sama: Anyway, if you like the tone of this chapter and like a bit of romance, then check it out! It looks really promising so far. :D

Link: Okay—wait, tone of this chapter? This chapter is different?

Cherry-sama: Please read!

* * *

The old woman lifted up a china pitcher to a large potted plant. She poured water into the basin and then poured some into her own cup. She inched over to the nearby chair and sat herself down. There she began to sip her cup of water with a weary smile on her face.

The door opened. In stepped Sturgeon and Sue Bell. The old woman looked up and smiled.

"Good evening, Sue Bell. Sturgeon," the old woman nodded.

"Good evening, Grandmother," Sue Bell bowed.

"Please, feel free to call me by my name," Grandma smiled. "No need for formalities when the little ones aren't around."

"Uhh… Right," Sue Bell coughed.

"Er…" Sturgeon bit his lip.

"I don't actually know her name," Sue Bell whispered in Sturgeon's ear. "I've only known her as 'Grandmother', due to it being what her husband and grandchildren called her… Could you enlighten me as to what it is?"

"I don't know it either," Sturgeon whispered sheepishly.

Sue Bell blinked. "Oh."

"Isn't it nice that we have visitors, Peter?" Grandma turned to the plant. "Lots have been visiting lately, it seems."

Sue Bell and Sturgeon stared blankly as Grandma stroked one of the leaves affectionately.

"Mesa was in here earlier," Grandma nodded. "He said that Peter would grow up better if we drank cold water instead of the piping hot tea we've had every morning."

"Ahem. That is actually precisely what we're come here to discuss," Sturgeon coughed. "We've come to request for you stop this strange behaviour. You're beginning to frighten Rose's sons, and at the rate this is going, I fear that this obsession of yours may be getting unhealthy."

"He's right," Sue Bell added. "The only time you leave your house nowadays is to get water."

"That's actually an improvement from before, but..." Sturgeon trailed off.

"Hmm?" Grandma perked up. "Obsession? With what?"

Both Sturgeon and Sue Bell exchanged nervous glances.

"Er, you don't know?" Sue Bell asked.

"Know what, my dear?" Grandma smiled.

"That Peter's actually a…" Sue Bell began.

"Ah, yes, Peter," Grandma hummed. "He's such a delightful boy to have around. He's like my previous grandson, only he's much quieter and needs to be looked after more. Not that I mind, really. I've gotten quite fond of raising children in these past few years."

"But Peter's not a…" Sue Bell trailed off.

"I almost like him better than my other grandchildren," Grandma nodded. "He's very considerate, he stays out of my way when I tidy around the house, and I must say, he's an excellent listener!"

"Have you been taking your medication, Madame?" Sturgeon sighed.

"Medication?" Grandma blinked.

The two stared blankly at the old woman and the slightly dusty pill bottle that sat beside her. Sturgeon slapped his forehead.

"Erm, well, we best be going, Grandmother," Sue Bell chuckled nervously.

"I am just at a loss for words—literally, I have no words left for what I see in front of me," Sturgeon said with his jaw hanging open.

Sue Bell began to push her father towards the door.

"It has been good seeing you Sue Bell and Sturgeon," Grandma smiled.

"I hope her grandson comes home soon," Sturgeon huffed. "She may not be deathly ill as she once was, but he's the only one who knows when she's supposed to take her pills."

The door shut again and silence enveloped the room once more. Grandma turned to the plant.

"You're absolutely right, Peter," Grandma nodded. "Even though you are a good child, so are Link and Aryll. And, right now, Link and Aryll are being very, very brave. Especially Link, since he is going out of his way to promote peace. He is a very, very, very brave young boy."

* * *

"HOLY ZEPHOS, WHAT IS THIS? OH MY CYCLOS, I'M GONNA DIE! AHHHH!" Link screamed.

Link's screams echoed throughout the ocean floor. A few seconds prior, Link had drifted into the ring of light on the waves. Instead of warping him to a new location (which he had expected), the boat submerged, dragging him and the two fairies down with it. And now he clung to the head of the boat for dear life. Navi stared at the boy from his shoulder.

"Navi!" Link trembled. "How am I going to keep from drowning? I seem to have lost all buoyancy!"

"Link, you're breathing underwater just fine," Navi said. "You wouldn't have been able to scream like a sissy if you couldn't."

"…Oh," Link coughed. "Well, uh, just ignore those outbursts of mine, if you will."

"Can I just ignore you completely?" Navi groaned.

"That works too I guess," Link shrugged.

"_Weee!_" Ivan's voice could be heard. "I can breath in the bubble…and out of the bubble!"

"Hmm," Navi paused. "Interesting."

"How is all of this even possible, anyways?" Link asked.

Silence responded.

"Why aren't you saying anything?" Link asked.

"I'm ignoring you, remember?" Navi said.

"Oh come on, I didn't think you meant that literally," Link huffed.

Silence responded once more.

"On the other hand," Link paused, "I think I'm beginning to like the Silent Navi a lot more than the regular one."

"H-Hey!" Navi let out.

"'Look', 'listen', 'watch out', right?" Link snickered.

"Mikau's soul was right," Navi said. "You are a brat."

"Love you too," Link rolled his eyes.

There was a long pause.

"Wow!" Ivan's voice echoed. "I can poke the bubble and it turns into a whole bunch of little bubbles!"

"So why do you think we aren't drowning right now?" Link asked.

"Because magic," Navi said.

"That's it?" Link asked. "That's all you're going to say?"

"Yup," Navi nodded. "It works for almost every other fantasy adventure story out there."

There was another pause.

"So, um," Link paused, "how long until we reach the bottom, you think?"

"What? You think I know?" Navi asked.

"Well, just asking," Link shrugged.

"It could be any time between five minutes or three hours," Navi sighed. "It all depends on the depth of the ocean and the speed we're descending at."

"What do you think we'll find there?" Link asked.

"Coral reefs?"

"I was thinking more like buried treasure, but fair enough," Link shrugged.

"Actually, that would save us some time later—whoa, what _is _that?" Navi blinked.

Link looked over the edge of the boat. Down among the deep blues of the water and the occasional deep-sea fish, there was something gray. And it was fairly large too. Link squinted. It seemed to continue farther until it faded completely into the blue of the currents.

"Huh?" Ivan popped his head out of the boat. "Why has everyone gone so—wow! It's so…so…white!"

"Wh…what is that?" Link asked.

"I…I don't know…" Navi paused. "But…it…"

Soon the gray mass was upon them, as they descended into the large dome of grayness. A tower shot up in front of them. Two more followed. Soon a whole gray castle rose up beside them. Link stood with his jaw open as the boat landed in a little gray pond in a gray garden area. In the pond was a path of flat rocks leading up to a staircase and inside.

"…This…this place is…" Navi paused.

"Umm…" Link paused. "While I think the whole castle thing is cool and all, I fail to see why I'm here and why this is at the bottom of the ocean."

Ivan flew out of the mouth of the boat.

"Cue O.N.A." Link rolled his eyes.

"You're probably wondering where we are, aren't you? Unfortunately, there is not enough time for me to explain it to you now…" Ivan buzzed.

"Pssh, please, I've already been at this thing for two or three months," Link waved his hand. "Besides, when has there ever been too little time for you to O.N.A. ?"

"Once you are able to strike down Ganon with the item you obtain in this castle…" Ivan continued to jitter. "…All will be made clear to you. Trust in my words! See what awaits you in the castle!"

"Okay," Link shrugged. "Oh, and dorf."

Link hopped out of the boat. The gray water splashed. Link looked down. None of the droplets fell back down. Link looked at the water. The ripples stayed by his boots Link turned back to the water and reached out to the floating drops. As soon as they touched his hand, it became like regular water, but as soon as they dripped off again, they would freeze in midair once more.

Link took this opportunity to run around in circles, sending dozens of floating water droplets as he went.

After a minute or two of this, Link stepped out of the water and looked at his handiwork. The pond now resembled a patch of grass more than a body of water. Satisfied, Link wrung out the bottom of his tunic, leaving some floating droplets behind. He turned to see that Ivan had been clapping the entire time, while Navi seemed to be floating around aimlessly.

Link hopped onto one of the rocks and headed up the steps. Ivan followed close behind. Link turned to see Navi flying beside a tree.

"Navi, you coming?" Link asked.

"Huh?" Navi blinked. "Oh, uh, yeah. Coming."

Navi flew over to Link and the three of them headed inside.

* * *

"…I knew it."

Link looked around. The gaping jaw of a Moblin greeted him. He jumped back in surprise and pulled out his sword. He blinked. The Moblin was gray like the rest of the surroundings and ceased to move. Link poked it to be sure.

Link took a step back to take in his surroundings. The interior of the castle was in a wreck—it was mostly intact but still had occasional pieces of ceiling debris scattered around. What stuck out the most to him were the several Moblins and Iron Knuckles placed throughout. Frozen in time, Link decided. After all, while some were just standing idly, others were halted in poses that looked pretty hard to hold for long periods of time.

Link nodded to himself; there had been a struggle here. No. Bigger than that. A war.

Link turned to see Navi floating a few feet before him.

"I knew it," she let out a sob.

"Knew what?" Link asked. "That everything's gray?"

Navi said nothing, but pointed in front to something ahead. Link looked up. He saw a tall statue of himself. Wait, no, that wouldn't make sense. Link turned to the blue fairy.

"I don't get it," Link paused. "It's just a statue of the ancient hero— Oh."

"Navi…" Ivan trailed off.

A silence crept throughout the room.

"Wait, so you're telling me that this…?" Link pointed to the statue.

"Is this that Hyrule Castle you keep telling me I'd break if I'd ever took one step inside, Navi?" Ivan asked.

Link saw a small nod out of the blue ball of light.

"Hey, um…" Link called out.

Link walked towards the fairy. He could faintly see the outline of her body. She had curled up, both hands covering her face. For the first time, Link could see how small Navi actually was.

"Well, uh, you know," Link bit his lip. "Maybe it's not him. It's just a statue, after all."

"It looks like him," Ivan added. "That back looks awfully kooky."

Link paused. Navi and Ivan always flew behind him when he walked. If fairies did that with all the people they hang around, then they would probably get really good at recognizing a person from behind.

"That doesn't necessarily mean he's dead, you know," Link said. "They could have just put it up in his honour or something."

"Yeah!" Ivan piped up. "And put it at the bottom of the ocean! Like they always do."

Oh right, Link realized. They were at the bottom of the ocean. Dang, that could mean that hundreds of years could have past since they put that up.

"Uhhh…" Link paused. "Wait, the legends mentioned that the deities of old made a freak flood, so maybe—"

"That's right!" Ivan joined in. "He probably lives! Tree frog, when did the freaky mud storm happen?"

Link scratched his head. "…I'm guessing at least a hundred years before I was born."

"You see, Navi!" Ivan smiled. "That means—uh…um…er…"

There was a pause.

"You know, I think that maybe he didn't live," Ivan pondered.

"No…_really_?" Navi faintly responded.

The silence enveloped the room again. Link bit his lip; it was _that_ silence. The silence he couldn't stand. Link turned to Navi once more.

"You know, we could come back later if you want," Link spoke up. "We don't have to stick around longer than, well…"

Navi's hand shot out at him.

"Please."

Ivan flew up to Link. He grabbed the boy's sleeve.

"This way, Link Frog. Navi needs some time by herself right now," Ivan said. "So we can pincushion another day."

"R-Right," Link nodded.

Ivan flew off to one of the side chambers. Link began to follow, threw a quick glance back at her, and then headed off again.

"She'll be okay, right?" Link asked.

"Navi's super duperly awesome!" Ivan nodded. "She can do anything!"

"That's not quite what I was asking," Link sighed, "but, ehh, close enough."

"Anyways, we should do some stuffs while Navi isn't here because it will make her happy," Ivan nodded.

"I'm cool with that," Link cracked a smile. "Now, considering the copious amounts of frozen enemies around here, let's see what we can do with them. I have a feeling that we're going to be fighting them later, so why not tip the odds in our favour? Any suggestions?"

"Warp pipe 'em til Mushroom Kingdom come?" Ivan piped up.

"Uh, yeah, sure," Link said. "We'll do that after…I find out what you said."

"Quick, down here!" Ivan flew off.

Link ran down the hall after Ivan, who flew ecstatically by a Moblin. This began their little trek together, sabotaging the frozen monsters in the most creative ways they could think of. This involved pulling out belts, snapping the ends off spears and sticking them on the heads of gaping Moblins, and the like. All's fair in love and war, right? A childish game, maybe, but it sure lightened the mood. Of course, the damp atmosphere of the room never left, as did the soft snifflings of Navi, but, hey, what else could he do?

The minutes past and soon Link found that he had almost forgotten about Navi's presence completely. It wasn't until he reversed the helmet of the one Iron Knuckle when some of Navi's sobs were audible from a distance.

"How…how could…"

Link turned around to look at the other end of the room. From what he could see, Navi had leaned herself up against the statue.

"How could you?" she let out.

The cry caught the attention of Ivan this time, stopping him on the spot. They stood in a brief silence. Link shook his head. If Navi wanted time by herself, he should respect that. It would be nice if she kept it down a notch, though. Link turned to the next monster. Either way, staring at her like a creep wouldn't accomplish anything.

"How could you!" the shriek echoed all around them.

Link walked over to the next unsuspecting Moblin. It stood next to an Iron Knuckle. Link hopped and grabbed the horn of the Iron Knuckle's helmet.

"Why didn't you play that ocarina?" she let out.

Link pulled the helmet off the Iron Knuckle to reveal the monster's strangely canine-like features. Link shook his head. He was never going to get used to that.

"I thought you were…I didn't think you were that dumb!"

Link stood on his tiptoes and switched the helmet of the Moblin with the one of the Iron Knuckle.

"You hear me?" Navi let out.

Link jumped once more and placed the helmet of the Moblin on the Iron Knuckle. Link took a step back and admired his handiwork. He took a Pictograph.

"You hear me!" she yelled.

Link lowered his Pictobox and stared back at Navi. He raised an eyebrow. Wow, Link thought. Navi must have really hated that other Link. A _lot_. He pocketed the Pictobox. Link didn't blame her for being angry, but could she really blame a guy for _dying?_

"Navi sounds so sad, doesn't she?" Ivan asked.

"Y-Yeah," Link nodded. "Anyways, are there any more monsters that we haven't tweaked yet?"

"Nope," Ivan shook his head. "But if the three triangle things match up then stuff will move!"

Ivan pointed to three triangular shaped blocks nearby.

"Right, okay, puzzle," Link nodded. "A tad irrelevant, but lets see what this will do."

Link headed over to the blocks and clung to one of them. Link slowly began to align them with a triangular pattern on the floor by the base of the statue. Farther up, Navi sat atop the statue's shoulder, and placed her head against its neck, her wings fluttering inattentively. Her knitted brow keeping her closed eyes shut. Her cheeks stained with half dried tears.

"I hate y—!" she yelled.

A clenched fist shot up in the air.

"I hate—! I hate…!"

Navi's trembling fist swung down at the stone. Mere centimeters from the stone, she held it back. It was shaking terribly.

"I hate…"

Navi's fist quivered into an open palm. She pressed her hand onto the cold stone.

"…this."

Navi leaned her head and arms on the neck of the statue. What started out as trickling tears and soft sobbing soon became loud, uncontrollable sobs. So much so that Navi barely noticed the statue move and open up to a secret passage below.

Link walked up. He glanced briefly at Navi, opened his mouth to say something, but shook his head and walked into the passageway below.

* * *

Link trotted down the steps. Ivan flew up behind him.

"Wait, aren't you forgetting something, Tree Link Frog?" Ivan asked.

"What?" Link asked.

"Weren't you going to ask Navi if she wanted to persplunk with us down here?" Ivan asked.

"It's spelunk, Ivan, not persplunk," Link sighed. "And in _that _state? I only thought I'd ask if she was feeling better. Right now I think it'd be a good idea if we just left her as she is, then to—whoa."

Link gazed upon a room circled with large statues of knights. And there was water too, but that seemed to serve no purpose other than to make the area look pretty. The far walls were lined with stained glass windows, but they were all black and white so it was hard to make out what they were of. And dead center was a sword in a pedestal in a pillar of light. There was a pause.

"Three…two…one…" Link pointed at Ivan.

"Excellent, Link!" Ivan jolted. "To receive such a puzzle and decipher it is no small feat. Now, take the sword that lies before you. It is none other than the Master Sword…"

"Now why does that sound familiar," Link pondered.

"The blade of evil's bane," Ivan vibrated. "It is the only sword that can banish Ganon from the world above!"

"Dorf!" Link and Ivan let out at the same time.

"Huh, that O.N.A. wasn't too bad," Link paused. "Maybe it _is_ making you smarter."

"Saria!" Ivan let out.

Ivan fluttered up to a far window and hugged it.

"…Or maybe I'm just being too hopeful," Link sighed.

Link walked down the steps and stared at the sword. It stood majestically. Link took a sharp turn and wandered around in the water. After finding nothing of interest, and leaving quite the trail of floating water droplets, Link chipped off a piece of the cobblestone. He threw the rock at one of the stained glass windows experimentally. The rock stopped moving as soon as it left his hand.

"Lame," Link grumbled.

"Tree fairy frog Link!" Ivan called out.

Link hopped up to the center platform. Ivan had perched himself on the hilt of the Master Sword.

"You've got to come up with a nickname for me and stick with it," Link sighed. "Anyway, yes?"

"Master Stick Thingy time?" Ivan pointed below him.

"A nickname for me? What kind of—oh, you mean the sword," Link paused.

"All tree frogs got to have Master Stick Thingies," Ivan stuck his tongue out.

"Well, yeah, I guess there's not much else to do here anyway," Link shrugged. "So I might as well."

As Link pulled the Master Sword out of its pedestal, light cracked from around the base. This triggered the knight statues above to lower their swords, forming a ring above him.

There was a blinding flash of light. Link shut his eyes tightly. His eyes opened to the room in colour. A loud crash ensued. Link looked over and saw a broken stained glass window. Resounding splashes came from the circular pool around him. Loud thuds, crashes, and clangs ensued from above.

"…%#&*."

* * *

Link's head popped up from the staircase. Several Moblins and Iron Knuckles were wandering around with helmets on backwards, while others just stood in silence at a spearhead or belt they found on their heads, or held their hands out to hide what fallen pants and kilts would cover otherwise. Others sat with their bleeding noses and untied the orange strings from around their ankles. Link's head slowly sank back into the staircase.

"Wow!" Ivan piped up. "They really did wake up!"

All heads snapped around to the little green fairy. Link grinned sheepishly. Before he knew it, he was running for cover from an armada of swapped helmet Moblins and kilt-less Iron Knuckles.

"It's a good thing that magic rock covered the super secret awesome place again," Ivan smiled. "Now no baddies can get in!"

"Or heroes, who are currently running for their lives right now!" Link let out.

After a mad chase around the Castle, and a couple failed escape attempts (stupid lasers), Link finally managed to lose his angry following. He waited until it quieted down before it dared get out from behind the pillar, though. He peered around with his expert sidling skills—a marching Iron Knuckle was muttering insults to himself.

"I thought you wanted to punch the not-Mushroom-Warp-Piped-guys?" Ivan raised an eyebrow.

"Well, I wasn't expecting to fight them _that_ soon," Link protested. "Or all at once."

Link sidled away from the corner. A moment to catch his breath, he thought. This would be his first Iron Knuckle fight, since the last one was so uncooperative. Also, breathing is good.

Link exhaled. He looked down to the room below—he had somehow managed to get on the second floor. And what Ivan said was right, the staircase had sealed itself up again.

Link paused. Where was Navi? He squinted. She sat atop his less attractive look-alike's ear. Er, the statue's ear.

Link stared at the faint glow of Navi. She seemed to have calmed down considerably, from what he could tell from his distance. She wasn't sobbing anymore and had leaned herself up against the statue's head.

Navi. Link sighed. Sometimes he'd like to know what went on in that little head of hers.

"Oh, Navi…" Ivan stared in almost awe. "Even when life is like spilled cotton candy, you still look cool as a popcorn vendor."

"Say…" Link paused. "Whatever happened to the Moblin where we put his spear in his hand backwards?"

Ivan pointed at the ground before the statue. There was a black, glowing orb, and beside it lay a spear. The spear faced the opposite direction.

"Oh," Link shrugged. "Works for me."

"Anyways," Ivan nodded, "will you take out him out to dinner?"

"Who? Oh, the Iron Knuckle around the corner," Link paused. "No, but I will take him out."

Link swiveled around the corner and ran at the armoured foe.

"Cool!" Ivan exclaimed. "…But where are we going to take him out to instead?"

Ivan flew after Link.

* * *

Maybe it was because she was lazy or maybe it was because she really craved a line break, but the authoress decided there was to be a convenient time skip. In said time skip, several Iron Knuckles and Moblins lost their lives and jewelry. Especially the jewelry.

A couple of times when Link defeated an enemy close to the statue of the ancient hero, he'd turn to Navi.

"Hey, Navi!" Link would call out. "Don't I look totally awesome right now?"

"Unn-hmm," she would nod.

But after no real response of admiration or awe, Link would just go about slaying the monsters again. It took a while, but Link finally managed to defeat all the monsters in the area.

The lasers that prevented him from leaving vanished.

"Boo yah!" Link cheered. "Who's the man! Who's the man now?"

"Yaay! Go Link Tree Frog! Yaaay!" Ivan clapped.

Navi flew down from above.

"Hi," she said.

"Back so soon?" Link asked.

"Monsters coming to life and trying to catch you is a bit of a mood killer," Navi said.

"Ah."

"And, well…"

"And you feel better?" Link asked.

"Yes. Well, no. Er…" Navi scratched her head.

"Okay, what is it you want to tell me?" Link asked.

"Look, I've been doing a lot of thinking," Navi paused. "And it wasn't really fair of me to…well, you know…"

"Mourn?" Link raised an eyebrow.

"Yes. Well, no." Navi paused. "It's just that I should have been there with you two and helped you out. Instead I just made the whole thing awkward by sitting there. It wasn't fair to you; it wasn't fair to Ivan. I'm sorry."

"It's okay, Navi," Ivan smiled.

"You're apologizing," Link paused, "for mourning?"

"Yes. Well, no." Navi bit her lip. "It's complicated."

"Basically," Link said, "you're sorry."

"Yeah," Navi said.

"Don't be," Link said.

"What?" Navi turned to Link.

"You really cared about him, right?" Link asked. "That's nothing to be sorry for."

"But I was weighing you guys down," Navi said, "holding you back."

"Really?" Ivan blinked.

"So?" Link asked.

"Well, I'm in charge," Navi paused. "So…"

"You were in tears," Link looked at Navi. "I've never seen you that sad. I think that calls for an exception."

"You really cared about him," Ivan cocked his head, "didn't you?"

"Of course I did," Navi sighed. "I loved him, after all."

"UAGH! Too much information!" Link took a step back.

"Not that way, you idiot!" Navi let out.

"Navi…" Ivan whimpered. "But I thought we…!"

"How does that even work, anyway?" Link squinted at Navi. "You're, like, the size of my thumbs or smaller—"

"You know, there _is _more than one way to love a person than just romantically," Navi rolled her eyes.

"But—wait, _huh?_" Link looked perplexed.

"Gah!" Navi let out. "I hate our language sometimes. Whenever someone says the word 'love', other people automatically assume romantic love. But when you really truly love your friends, your parents, your siblings, or even your pets, you can't express it without people getting the wrong idea."

"Yeah, but, um, you use different words for that!" Link let out. "Like bromance and stuff."

"Bromance only works with two guys who love each other in a friendship way," Navi said. "What do you say for women, parents, or animals?"

"Umm… Sismance?" Link asked. "Paromance? Petmance?"

"Bah! Never mind," Navi huffed. "You're just a kid anyway."

"One last thing," Link said.

"What now?" Navi groaned.

"I look a lot like your friend, right?" Link asked. "Isn't that close enough?"

"No, not quite," Navi sighed. "You may look like him, but you can never replace him. It…it's complicated."

"Ah," Link said.

"I thought we had something special…" Ivan sniffled.

"Wait, Ivan, no, I—" Navi let out. "Gaaah…"

"So, was he this tall in real life?" Link looked at the statue. "'Cause I can understand if you went for him because of height… Girls like tall guys, right?"

"It's not the size that counts!" Navi protested.

Navi looked at Ivan.

"…Especially not with Ivan," Navi added.

"Huh?" Ivan looked up.

"I see…or not…" Link raised an eyebrow.

There was no doubt left in Link's mind. Women were insane.

Link exited the castle.

* * *

All the pirates stared in awe at Jolene and Black Beard—completely decked from head to toe in gold. They glimmered so brightly, even in the dark light, that they were the only members of Pirate's Anonymous who were completely visible. The other members stared in silence.

"So…you gunna explain this at all or…?" Senza asked.

"Nope," Jolene licked her necklace like a lollipop.

* * *

Navi leaned on the part in Link's hair as they sailed across the ocean. Destination: unknown. Location: ehh, she didn't feel like checking. They were sailing and that usually meant progress, so she didn't really care otherwise.

Link was gone. Well, not the one she was currently resting upon; that one was still manning the ship. But her Link, Kokiri Link, was…gone.

It…it was so bizarre. She had only seen him, what? Three months ago? Three months ago, they were laughing, fooling around, kicking Majora's butt, and deciding what they would do for the next fifty years or so. Three months ago he was…

…he wasn't dead.

Navi sank lower into the yellow hair. There wasn't much she could do about it, now was there? She could either not cry like a sissy and not burden the group, or she _could _cry like a sissy. And that wouldn't be very productive, now would it?

It's not like she missed him, anyway, Navi huffed. It…it was just another annoyance out of her life. It's not like she _missed_ the time when they went shopping in Castle Town. It's not like she _cherished_ the memories of when they went to the Carnival of Time for the first time. And she _certainly_ didn't appreciate his hospitality when she was recovering from O.N.A. herself.

It's not like she missed…everything…

Navi wiped the tear from the corner of her eye. No. No! S-She w-w-wasn't upset! She wouldn't drag everyone down! S-S-She was the oldest one there. Well, technically Ivan was by a couple weeks, but _she_ was the symbol of maturity. The beacon of guidance and wisdom for the others. She couldn't just break down and _cry. _Besides, she already had a good cry fest earlier today and she would not…

A tear trickled down her face.

…cry.

Navi rubbed her eyes rapidly. It must have been the salt air. It was irritating her eyes. Somehow. Stupid ocean. Stupid sailing. Stupid adventuring.

He…he was careless. It was all his fault. Why did he have to loop so many times? Why couldn't he have lived an easier life the loop she slept?

Why couldn't he have died when she was ready for it?

Navi held her head in her hands, suppressing a sob.

That was why fairies…were always sent to watch over Kokiri…wasn't it?

Dang it.

Navi began pounding her head on her folded arms in time with her thoughts. Dang it, dang it, dang it, dang it, dang—

"What the crap are you _doing?_" the boy below her let out.

Navi blinked.

"My, um, arm's asleep."

"And you're banging it on my hairline?" the kid didn't sound impressed.

"Exactly."

He went off, muttering about how crazy it was for her to expect things to be living under hats. Which further proved to Navi why her intelligence and logic had to set an example for him and Ivan.

Navi sighed. Link. Young, bright-eyed, innocent Link (who she did _not _miss in any way shape or form) had died of old age. Three months ago. Three months and a long dream ago.

"I hate this."

"Did you say something?" the boy below asked.

"N-No. Just keep sailing."

"Okay," he didn't sound convinced. "As long as you're okay."

"Of course I am. Why wouldn't I be?"

"Well, you did have the whole—" he began.

"Just keep sailing."

Sailing. Stupid, stupid sailing. She didn't have to put up with a flooded Hyrule back when she was traveling with the Kokiri boy.

Navi closed her eyes. She could almost see him. Link. He was there, just under her eyelids. Just a blink away. He was smiling. Young, bright-eyed, innocent. Happy.

Gone.

And there was nothing she could do about it.

Navi sighed and sunk lower into the boat boy's hair. The sound of the ocean waves came from all sides.

_Hey, Link. You listening?_

_I'm still peeved that you let yourself die._

_But that's why I always watched your back, right?_

_Well, almost always._

_But…you know what?_

_Look, it's weird, but I think I'm all right with that._

_That's because we'll meet again someday._

_We'd **better** meet again someday._

_Until then, watch out, okay?_

Navi shut her eyes and fell asleep.

* * *

Cherry-sama: Oh my gosh, that took freaking forever!

Link: _Draaaaama_ kill.

Navi: Dang, you suck at writing serious moments.

Cherry-sama: I know. T.T And this chapter is freaking FULL of them.

OoT Link: So, why'd you make this chapter so disheartening?

Cherry-sama: Look, just because I never let Navi mourn over your death in TW, doesn't mean I wouldn't let her mourn at all.

Navi: Still, it's clichéd as heck.

Link: So where are we going next chapter?

Cherry-sama: It's a secret~

Navi: It's Forsaken Fortress, isn't it?

Cherry-sama: Umm… o.o Maybe?

Aryll: At last, my victory is near!

Link: Actually…

Cherry-sama: So, readers! How would you feel about more serious moments in the fic?

OoT Link: This fanfic's a soap opera now?

Navi: Might as well be.

Cherry-sama: Shh! It's up to the readers! Fell free to leave me a review with your thoughts!


	18. Chapter 12: The Helmaroc Rider Part 1

**Chapter 12 (I hate writing fight scenes too.)**

**Disclaimer: Do I really have to mention that I do not own the Legend of Zelda, the Wind Waker? Because it's probably be rather obvious by now that I do not own Wikipedia, any information I copy pasted into this chapter from Wikipedia, Sonic, one line that mah bud wrote but allowed me to use, Sir Winston Churchill's speech (despite how much I modified/altered/butchered it for comedic purposes), or Katy Perry's song _Firework_. Seriously, I bet nobody is reading this, and wouldn't even notice if I put incoherent nonsense. Aldkhf lksjehrk ewpori.**

* * *

OoT Link: Augh! That update took forever!

WW Link: Yeah, I thought Cherry-sama learned her lesson last time. What gives?

Navi: Apparently she had to rewrite one part of this chapter twice.

OoT Link: Huh. Weird.

WW Link: Anyway, the results are in!

Navi: It seems that most of the readers are fine with serious moments, as long as they are few and far between. After all, this _is _a comedy fanfic.

OoT Link: That's a relief! _(wipes brow)_ For a second she would turn this into a melodrama fic.

Navi: Nah, she knows comedy's her specialty. She's not _that _stupid.

WW Link: Where is our crazy director/authoress/Canadian thing, anyway?

Cherry-sama: _(bangs head against wall)_

OoT Link: What's up with her?

Navi: One of her reviewers pointed out that she didn't clarify that the way she imagined us fairies was tiny, glowing, human things that the most you can see of them at any time is their wings and the ends of their arms and legs. And sometimes the eyes, depending on how evil the glare is.

Cherry-sama: _(still banging head against wall, sobs pathetically) _I thought I learned to clarify things more. I thought I had realized that my stories make a lot more sense if people can understand your thought processes. And I let something as big as _THIS _slip by?! _(bangs head against wall faster)_

SoC (AKA ObsidianSickle): That's okay. _(pats Cherry-sama on back)_ At least you no longer write your preteen crushes in farmer suits anymore.

Cherry-sama: _(bangs head against wall even faster, while howling)_

WW Link: …Uhhhh, what?

ObsidianSickle: We had a 'read our old bad fanfiction' night a while back. One of the fics we unearthed was Tales of Reversia.

Navi: Ah.

OoT Link: _(winces)_ _Oooh! _That's just _evil!_

ObsidianSickle: Your face is evil.

Cherry-sama: _(snaps out of it) _Anyway! Time to get back to the chapter! A…semi…mid-fic…climax. Kinda.

Navi: You drama queen.

Cherry-sama: Your face is a drama queen. _(turns to camera) _Let's get reading, shall we?

* * *

Ganondorf strode down the spiraling walkway in the company of an Iron Knuckle in a cape, a Bokoblin, and a Moblin. As they descended, their footsteps echoed. Several torches lit the walls, providing an alternate source of light from the night sky in the above opening.

"Duuuhhh," Moe cooed. "The stars sure are puuurrrddyyy."

The Bokoblin nattered away while smacking the Moblin atop the head.

"Um, sir?" the caped Iron Knuckle paused. "Aren't you forgetting someone?"

"No," Ganondorf said.

"Oh, um, understood," the Iron Knuckle coughed. "I just thought you would want that boy to be here along with us."

"Why would I require his presence?" Ganondorf scoffed.

"Well, uh," the Iron Knuckle with the cape scratched his head, "I thought he would be here to, you know, underline his importance to the plot and stuff."

"What importance?" Ganondorf spat.

The caped Iron Knuckle shrugged. "Valid argument."

There was a pause. All the monsters fell silent.

"Say…" the Iron Knuckle paused. "Isn't he usually hanging around here with the bird somewhere?"

"I assigned him to patrol duty," Ganondorf said, "via air."

"Ah," the caped Iron Knuckle nodded.

When Ganondorf's feet touched the stone of the bottom floor, the current guard duty saluted. Ganondorf merely huffed in response.

"Open the cell," Ganondorf demanded coolly.

With the scrambling of keys, the jail cell's door flung open, revealing Aryll, Maggie, and Mila. Aryll hid the cutting torch behind her back.

"Bring them forward," Ganondorf said.

A few of the guards reached in, grabbed the three girls, and brought them into the open. Two guards secured Aryll.

"It's him," Mila whispered to Maggie.

Maggie nodded. Aryll stared quizzically at Ganondorf.

"Sir? What exactly was the plan again?" the caped Iron Knuckle whispered.

"Observe," Ganondorf barely glanced at the Iron Knuckle.

Ganondorf held out his hand expectantly at the Bokoblin.

"Joy Pendant."

The Bokoblin gulped, and pulled the Joy Pendant out of his vest. He muttered something to himself as he put the pendant in Ganondorf's hand.

DUH DUH DUH NUUUUUUHHHH! Ganondorf got a Joy Pendant! A pretty little pendant that—

"Will someone shoot that down for me?" Ganondorf groaned.

The Moblin poked the text bubble with his spear. It popped. Nooooooes!

"Drop them," Ganondorf said. "They need to be somewhat mobile for this."

After exchanging some nervous glances, the guards dropped the girls. Mila stood up and brushed herself off, Maggie stood up and winked at the Moblin standing behind Ganondorf (who winked back), and Aryll stood up while putting the cutting torch back in her inventory.

"Now, girls," Ganondorf waved the Joy Pendant tauntingly. "Come and get it."

Ganondorf tossed the Joy Pendant out in front of the three girls. They all stared at it.

Mila's eyes darted over to Maggie. She didn't need it. Someone of Maggie's poverty and low stature couldn't fully appreciate the full extent of the jewelry's value. And beauty. And luster—especially its luster. It was obvious, Mila realized. The pendant belonged in _her_ hands, not the hands of some dirty peasant.

Maggie's eyes darted over to Mila. She, like, didn't need it. She was really _riiicch_ and stuff. She had a biiig house, with biiiig pots and windows, and all. Mila didn't need more, Maggie decided. It was _her _that, liiike, needed to support her dad. Plus, that pendant was real shiinnnneeeyyy….

Mila and Maggie leapt into the air, eyes transfixed on the Joy Pendant. They crashed to the ground at the same time, arms clawing at the jewelry before them. What started out as a mad scramble soon erupted into a full-blown catfight, complete with biting of arms and pulling of hair. Some of the guards on the sidelines whooped and cheered while others started placing bets.

"M-m-my lord?" the Iron Knuckle gulped. "What is this supposed to accomplish?"

"Quiet," Ganondorf watched the fight intently. "I'm trying to determine which one is of the Princess's lineage."

"Fight! Fight! Fight!" the guard duty cheered. "Yeah! Chew her ears off! Wooo!"

"But I fail to see how something like this would determine the descendant's linage," the Iron Knuckle paused.

"Believe me, this plan is flawless," Ganondorf said.

Ganondorf and his minions watched keenly as the fight unfolded. So much so that nobody noticed Aryll climbing up the wall.

"I will admit," the caped Iron Knuckle paused. "I find this to be quite entertaining."

"Indeed," Ganondorf smirked. "Now, tell me, Moe… Out of the two girls, which one looks more ravenously obsessed?"

"I like the purdy, brown-haired one," Moe drooled. "She looks taaaasty."

The Bokoblin looked up. Its eyes widened. It began chattering madly while pointing wildly at something escaping to a higher ledge.

"Not helpful," Ganondorf turned to the Iron Knuckle. "What about you?"

"Go for the eyes!" one of the guards yelled amongst the cheering.

"It's honestly quite hard to say," the Iron Knuckle pondered. "Though, the brunette looks like she has a better chance at mauling the blonde."

The Bokoblin screeched as loud as it could as the sound of the rapid footsteps heard from the planks up above. Unfortunately, the whoops of the guard duty drowned it out.

"Maybe I should have brought a few more pendants," Ganondorf pondered. "Then I could judge by how many they each had by the end…"

A shot rang out. Everyone froze. Ganondorf looked up and saw the Helmaroc King flapping away desperately from a large missile.

"Jump off now if you know what's good for you, brain-washed boy!" echoed Aryll's voice from above.

"Oh for the love of Cyclos, what is wrong with you?!" the boy's desperate screams were barely audible.

"Stay out of this!" Aryll's voice warned.

A quieter shot was heard. Down fell the boy with a tranquilizer dart in his shoulder. The eyes of everyone in the room followed his decent.

"Guards!" Ganondorf yelled.

* * *

Link sailed across the calm waves of the Great Sea. Navi yawned and sat up. The nearby island comprised of two islands, one towering out of the ocean the other…not so much. Mother and Child Islands, if Navi remembered correctly. Stupid map. Another thing about her Link, he didn't waste half their time charting out the world just because he felt like it at the time.

"Where are we going now?" Navi asked.

"Forsaken Fortress," Link said.

"Wha?" Navi blinked. "We're heading there again? You know Ivan won't let us in!"

"Well, it hasn't really told me to do anything else," Link shrugged. "Maybe now his O.N.A. won't get in the way."

"Ha," Navi grumbled. "Not with our luck."

"Either way," Link sighed, "if he won't let us in, at least we can stare at it from a distance. And if there are explosions or alarm bells going off, then we can safely tell Grandma that Aryll is still unharmed."

"I suppose that's true," Navi yawned.

Silence fell between them.

"Ivan?" Link peered over the head. "You still awake?"

"Yup!" Ivan's voice echoed from the ship's mouth.

"Then how come you haven't said anything?" Link asked.

"I'm knitting!" Ivan sounded ecstatic.

Link shrugged. "_Sure_ you are."

"Say, Link," Navi paused.

"What?" Link sighed.

"If Ivan's O.N.A. actually does let us in," Navi said, "and we do manage to save your sister…then what?"

Link shrugged. "Go back home?"

"Well, that's okay for you, I guess…" Navi sighed. "But Ivan and me have nowhere to go."

"Ivan and I," Link corrected.

"Shut it, home schooler, and give me some suggestions on what to do," Navi snapped.

"How is being home schooled an insult?" Link asked.

Navi plucked one of Link's hairs and used it to tickle his nose.

"Ow! Okay!" Link grumbled. "Look, I just don't know. The only reason you teamed up with me is because you wanted to find your Link. And he just _happens_ to be dead."

Silence fell on Link like a load of bricks.

"Now, if only I had needles…" Ivan's voice trailed off.

"…Sorry," Link said.

"No, you have a point," Navi's sigh sounded a bit pained. "My Link _is_ dead. And I wasn't planning on living in your hat forever. The dandruff's getting on my nerves. I keep having to vacuum."

"Hey!" Link protested. "It's not that bad, okay?"

"But, let's face it," Navi sighed. "I don't have anywhere else to go. And neither does Ivan."

"Ah ha! Splinters! Of course!" Ivan's voice echoed at his outburst.

"Well, um…" Link scratched his arm. "Maybe you two should come live on Outset? Settle down. Have kids—"

"No!" Navi gagged. "Look, I may find Ivan kinda hot when he's upset, but I do not want to start a family with him. Oh Din, the _offspring_…"

"Wait… You think he's attractive…" Link paused, "…when he's _upset?_"

"What?" Navi said defensively. "Come on, you have to admit that Ivan has the cutest crying face ever."

"…I've never seen his face," Link said. "I've never seen yours either."

"Well, _I _can see it," Navi huffed. "And, well, it's, um, adorable. And mildly attractive. When it's sad. Or crying, even. But that's it!"

Link lifted his hand close to his face. "Are you glowing…pink?"

"S-Shut up!" Navi stuttered. "Anyways, Ivan's rarely ever sad, so he rarely ever looks—"

"That's still kind of depressing," Link pointed out. "The only time he'll ever score is when—"

"Navi?" Ivan's voice could be heard. "Could you ask Tree Frog Link if he could give me his hair? I want to knit a sweater!"

There was a pause.

"W-We're getting off topic!" Navi spluttered. "Now where were we?"

"You were denying hooking up with Ivan," Link said.

"Right—hey!" Navi huffed.

"Just saying," Link shrugged.

"A-Anyways," Navi regained her composure, "look, I know you're concerned about your sister's well-being and all, but can you maybe hold off returning her home?"

"…I don't follow," Link said.

"I want to find Saria, dang it!" Navi let out. "We can drop Ivan off with her and then maybe I'll be content with living on Outset Island. But until then—"

"Okay, okay," Link sighed. "We can hold off a bit. I suppose Aryll would want to attack seagulls around the Great Sea for a bit anyway."

"Thank you," Navi said. "And I really mean that. Thank you."

"Wow, um," Link paused, "you're welcome?"

Ivan flew out of the head of the boat. "Ganon has likely been made aware of our little incursion already…"

"Okay, you know what, I'm going to see how long he can go without saying it," Navi said.

"Huh?" Link blinked.

"You know," Navi lowered her voice. "'_Dorf_'?"

"Ah," Link nodded.

Link looked up. Forsaken Fortress towered above the little boat. Spotlights danced around the waves and lit up the forever night sky.

"…But you have the Master Sword," Ivan buzzed violently. "That sword shall shine in the darkness, casting back evil…"

"We're here already?" Link paused.

"It's a good thing we talked about the plan if Ivan let us in," Navi said. "And coincidentally convenient to the plot."

"With it in your hands, none can keep you from rescuing your sister! Do not be afraid!" Ivan spiraled into the water.

"On it," Navi sighed.

Navi picked the exhausted fairy and put him on Link's shoulder.

"D-d-dorf…" Ivan spluttered.

"Oh, there he goes," Navi said.

"We could almost make a game out of this," Link pondered.

"Link, that's not our concern right now," Navi stated. "Now, where's the entrance again?"

"It's probably the wooden wall that's guarded by cannons," Link added.

Link pointed to a break in the stone with a large wooden plank. Around it were some mounted cannons.

Navi raised both eyes brows. "Fun."

"Yup," Link pulled out his cannon. "Now let's go rescue Aryll! …Zephos, that sounds so weird."

"Bombs?" Navi reminded.

"Right," Link said.

The cannon shot out of the floor of the boat. Link fired at the wall.

* * *

The Moblin rushed into Ganondorf's abode.

"Mister Lord Ganondorf Sir of Awesome!" Moe spluttered. "Intruder! Or was it entrepreneur…?"

Ganondorf put a bookmark in his copy of _The Dictator's Guide to Ruling Scattered Island Nations_ and closed it.

"Are you sure it's not just the small girl again?" Ganondorf rubbed his temples.

"N-nopers!" Moe said. "We already caught her."

"Finally, a quick capture," Ganondorf sighed. "So, who is intruding—"

"Oh, right!" Moe chuckled. "It's dat boy!"

"For the last time," Ganondorf sighed, "that boy who rides the Helmaroc King is on our side—"

"No, not dat guy!" Moe sounded strangely panicked. "Dat boy we shot off like a catapult ball! He came back!"

Ganondorf raised an eyebrow. "He has?"

"And he hases a sword dis time!" Moe gulped.

Ganondorf said nothing. He stood up and walked onto his 'patio'.

"Hmm…" Ganondorf pondered. "How peculiar."

"It's s-s-scwary enough dat the bazookaz gurl makes all mah Go Fish buddies into circle things, but now…" Moe quivered. "What should we d-duh-do?"

"Nothing," Ganondorf said.

"Huh?" Moe cocked his head.

"Absolutely nothing," Ganondorf smirked. "If he survived last time, then he's at least somewhat capable. Let us see what kind of show he gives us."

"B-buh-but mah Go Fish buddies!" Moe let out. "What if he—?"

"I'll make you new ones," Ganondorf snarled.

Moe's face fell. "B-b-b-bu—"

"Am I not clear?" Ganondorf snarled.

"No, no, Mister Lord Ganondorf Sir," Moe gulped. "You make purfect sense all da time. Yuppers!"

"Good," Ganondorf huffed. "You are dismissed."

Moe quivered as his waddled out the door. In staggered the red haired boy. He clutched his numb arm.

"You certainly took your time getting up," Ganondorf sighed.

The boy muttered to himself.

"As of your recent performance, I am dissatisfied with what I've been seeing," Ganondorf frowned. "I thought putting you on patrol would keep you from being utterly hopeless. Yet, you never fail to lower my expectations."

The boy said nothing. He looked away.

"Clean up duty," Ganondorf continued, "guarding the prisoners… Even with the Helmaroc King, you continue to prove that you are nothing but a burden to it. I seem to recall one time you managed to do anything remotely productive, yet my memory tends to fail me with events that partook so long ago."

"I can't help it if the girls keep tranquilizing me on sight," the boy grumbled.

"That is no excuse," Ganondorf growled.

The red haired kid hung his head low. "N-no. No it isn't."

There was a silence.

"At least they're not _actually_ shooting me," the boy added.

Ganondorf pondered whether or not to consider that a plus.

"Get out," Ganondorf demanded. "Your presence irritates me."

"R-right," the boy gulped.

The boy bowed and left Ganondorf where he stood.

* * *

"Hiya!" Link let out.

Link slashed a ball of magic with his sword, shooting it back up at its creator—Phantom Ganon. The black monster with blue markings wasted no time in executing a perfect uppercut, sending the magic ball speeding back at Link. A little slow on the uptake, the magic ball hit him in the stomach and sent a jolt running through his body. He fell over.

"Ouch," Ivan flinched.

"Well," Navi sighed, "at least you and my Link share one thing in common. You both suck at tennis."

"Magic tennis!" Ivan exclaimed.

"Ivan, shut up. Link's trying not to suck at tennis."

"Hey!" Link lifted his head up from the ground. "That guy isn't even touching the ground! How is this even fair?"

"Well, I dunno!" Navi groaned. "Think of something to even the odds!"

Link threw Komali's Rubber Ducky in the general direction of the Phantom. The toy squeaked when it hit the ground. Ivan clapped. The Phantom stared at it, then began to craft another ball of magic.

"I'm out of ideas," Link shrugged.

"L-Link!" Navi hissed. "That was barely an attempt!"

"Look, most of the time he flies up in the air so I can't hit him with most of my items, and he just dodges the boomerang and arrows," Link groaned. "What do you want me to do?"

"Use the broken bottle, Link!" Ivan exclaimed.

Link pulled out the glass shards.

"Listening to Ivan doesn't count as an attempt either!" Navi protested.

Phantom Ganon fired the blast of blue energy. The energy ball flew through the air, catapulting straight towards the glass fragments. Catching the fragmented container in mid fall, the magic ball bounced off the shards' various reflective surfaces, splitting into hundreds of miniature glowing balls. The balls bounced and flew all around, most of which never got anywhere near Link, due to the angles at which the energy balls were deflected at.

A multitude of tiny, glowing balls bombarded Phantom Ganon, only a fraction of which he managed to deflect. It wasn't long before it overwhelmed the Phantom, making it disappear. A chest appeared off to the side.

Link scooped up the Rubber Ducky and turned to Ivan.

"Woo! Boo yah!" Link fist pumped. "Ivan! High five!"

Link held up his hand. Ivan hugged Link's thumb.

"Yay!" Ivan cheered.

"Uh, I guess that works too…" Link raised an eyebrow.

"Stop fooling around," Navi said. "We can't waste any time."

"What are you talking about?" Link asked. "It's not like Aryll's going to be executed or anything. And even if they were, she'd blow up the whole fortress before she'd let them."

"Have you forgotten about the big, black bird?" Navi sighed.

"It was actually more of a purple if you ask me—" Link began.

"Link, I've said this before, I'll say it again," Navi said, "I look like bird food. Ivan looks like bird food. And Ivan's so intellectually challenged that I bet it overrides all survival instinct he might have. If that thing spots either of us, we're dead. The most likely scenario is that Ivan will do something stupid and while I'm off saving him, that thing will—"

"I get it, I get it," Link sighed. "You don't want to be out in the open while outdoors."

"Exactly," Navi nodded. "Now, if you'll excuse me, Ivan and I will be temporarily lodging at my place—"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa!" Link pulled his hand further over his hat. "I thought I told you that I don't want you two doing…_stuff _on my head!"

"And I thought I told you that I wouldn't dream of having—oh, screw it, we're wasting time," Navi groaned.

Navi grabbed Ivan and zipped under some bunched up folds.

"H-Hey!" Link let out.

Navi reemerged shortly.

"There," Navi huffed. "He's safe. And I think I have enough dodging skills to stay alive for short periods of time. I just hope he doesn't break anything while—"

Link jumped when he felt something small crash onto his bald patch.

"Hee hee hee," Ivan's giggling was mildly unsettling, "this lampshade will make an excellent sweater!"

Link stared at Navi. "When did you—"

"Never mind," Navi groaned. "Let's go before I regret this."

Link and Navi walked into a door by the far wall.

* * *

As they progressed, defeating Moblins right and left (which he found immensely satisfying), Link soon stumbled across some awkward spikes with a round top blocking his path. He paused.

"Now why do I feel like we've forgotten something?" Link pondered.

"Crap, the chest," Navi smacked her forehead. "You probably were supposed to get some sort of item that would have made these spike-nail like things a cakewalk."

"First hollowed out barrels, now these?" Link groaned. "Is Ganondorf _trying _to inconvenience his patrol?"

"Maybe he doesn't like housecleaning?" Ivan cocked his head.

There was a pause.

"Huh, Ivan didn't say it that time," Link said.

"You're right. That makes twice, now," Navi paused. "Anyways, wait here while I go get whatever was in that chest."

Navi flew out the nearest window and into the night sky. A loud 'squawk' echoed through the window. Navi zipped back in and pressed herself up against the wall.

"Let me guess, something was out for an evening stroll?" Link rolled his eyes.

"Shh!" Navi snapped. "It'll hear you!"

A large talon lunged through the open window. It scratched and clawed furiously while frustrated cawing noises warbled from outside. After a while Link saw it fly off bitterly. Navi relaxed and drifted down to Link's level.

"Oh my Din," Navi panted, "that was close."

Link peered closely at the retreating bird. "You think the red haired kid was on it this time?"

"No, well, I didn't see him when I flew by its nest," Navi nodded. "Honestly have no idea why it saw me now as opposed to earlier."

"Plot convenience!" Ivan popped out of Link's hat.

"Ivan, shut up," Navi huffed. "Now is not the time."

"Strange how he wasn't there," Link paused.

"Who?" Navi blinked.

"The Mary-Sue," Link said.

"Oh, _riiight_…" Navi paused.

"Wonder why that is…" Link pondered.

"Link, why do you care?" Navi asked.

"Just kind of strange, isn't it?" Link asked.

"That still doesn't give you a reason to care," Navi said.

"Plot convenience!" Ivan piped up.

"Ivan, shut up," Navi said louder.

The small red haired boy strolled around the corner. As soon as he laid eyes on Link and the fairies, he scrambled back out of view.

"So what are we going to do about the, um, item?" Link paused.

The boy peered around the corner and stared at the heroes.

"Oh, forget it," Navi sighed. "We can grab it on the way out. It's not like I can't just do this."

Navi pounded her fist down on the awkward spike thing, flattening it instantly. The boy's eyes, which were peering around the corner nervously, recoiled with a small 'meep!'.

"Doesn't that kinda negate your whole 'I don't want to be the hero' speech you made back in the Tower of the Gods?" Link asked.

"Not if we don't tell anybody about it," Navi whispered.

The boy gulped, then jumped out from the corner.

"Hey! You!" he called out.

Link glanced over his shoulder, then turned around. He gazed upon a boy roughly around his age and height standing behind him. His skin was quite tanned, despite the fact that it always seemed to be nighttime in the fortress. Either that or that guy hadn't taken a bath in a really long time. Link sniffed the air. Or both.

The kid's eyes were yellow, and his red hair was a long, tangled matt. Link frowned. His Grandma would have a fit and would promptly dump the kid in a bathtub upon sight of him.

Link mentally shrugged. As long as it wasn't him, he was fine with it.

"Uhhh…?" Navi blinked.

"Oooo…" Ivan gasped.

"Oh, hey, it's the Mary-Sue," Link said.

"Oooo…" Ivan gasped.

The boy paused. "The Mary…what?"

Navi flew up to the boy. "According to Wikipedia, the definition of a Mary-Sue is a fictional character with overly idealized and hackneyed mannerisms, lacking noteworthy flaws, and primarily functioning as a wish-fulfillment fantasy for the author or reader. It is generally accepted as a character whose positive aspects overwhelm their other traits until they become one-dimensional."

"And I'm Ivan!" Ivan stuck out his hand. "Nice to meet you!"

The boy blinked.

"It means I'm insulting you," Link said.

"Hey!" the boy let out. "I'm not, um…"

"_Hiii_, Mary~" Ivan waved.

The boy pointed to Ivan. "I'm not that! Whatever it is, I'm not it."

"Really now?" Link raised both eyebrows. "Prove me wrong."

"Uh, erm…well…" The boy glared at them. "I…I can fight, you know! You should know better than to insult me!"

Link watched as the boy grabbed out a dagger sloppily tied to a belt made from a Skull Necklace; neither of which Link had noticed prior. He paused. Well, calling it a 'dagger' was putting it nicely. It was made of the spear head of one of the Moblin's spears, which Link assumed someone broke it off in an attempt to make the kid look somewhat intimidating.

Link smirked. "You really wanna do that?"

Link pulled out his sword and shield. He held a pose that made him look menacing. That was what he was going for, anyway. It probably worked since the kid's expression fell immediately.

"Tree Frog is well on his way to beating Sonic in knighthood, you know," Ivan nodded in agreement.

"Plus, I'm a man," Link grinned. "I'm practically invincible."

"Oh, you are not!" Navi huffed.

The red haired boy hid the dagger behind his back.

"Well, uh, um… I'm going to report you to Ganondorf!" the red haired boy stuttered. "Yeah! That's what I'll do!"

"Go ahead," Link shrugged.

"Yeah, that's right, be sc—wait, what?" the kid paused. "You're not afraid?"

"What's Ganondorf gonna do? Send more Moblins?" Navi sneered.

The colour drained from the kid's face. "Y-You're not scared of _Moblins_,either?"

"I could always use some more Skull Necklaces," Link pondered. "And Knight's Crests. Say, can Ganondorf send some Iron Knuckles too?"

"Er, um…" the boy looked as if he were about to faint. "I-I'm still going to report you! And Ganondorf is very, _very _scary! He can light his hands on fire and stuff!"

"Please," Navi rolled her eyes. "If I could defeat that balding monkey once, I can do it again. Sour milk or not."

The kid's face turned a paler colour. He ran off yelling something about how Link was going to pay and how stupid sour milk was, but Link didn't care.

"And there goes that useless character," Navi groaned. "Come on, the sooner we can get out of here, the sooner we'll never have to hear of Mary-Sue face again."

"Agreed," Link nodded. "By the way, can you punch the rest of those down? They're beginning to bother me…"

Link pointed to the other three spikes sticking up from the ground.

"Link, that came completely out of nowhere," Navi said.

"That doesn't mean it hasn't been bothering me," Link said. "So much so that I _miiiight _just go back and get that chest—"

"Gah!" Navi let out, then pounded the spikes into the floor.

* * *

Meanwhile…in a jail cell high up on the fortress…

Aryll sat bolt upright. She shook her head. Status: previously unconscious. Method of sedation: a swift blow to the head, probably when she was reloading her ammunition. Total time wasted: Unknown, but, regardless, too much. She stood up. Even the Seagull King's minions were learning.

Aryll pulled up her START Menu. Time to start Plan G: cutting torch her way out. Aryll stared at her Item Subscreen. She paused. Status of cutting torch: suspicious gap where it should have been.

Aryll looked around. Neither Agents Maggie or Agent Mila were present. Aryll looked at the wall in front of her. A welded outline was all that remained of the resealed hole.

Aryll stared in silence.

"Plan H it is, then," Aryll said.

She got to work.

* * *

The red haired boy ran into the pirate ship abode.

"_Gaanondoooorf!_" the red haired kid cried.

"Sand Goddess, what is it now?" Ganondorf face palmed.

"There's this guy, who I thought was a Bokoblin once, but wasn't, and he's got a sword, and _dooo sooomeethhingg_!" the boy whined.

"Were you slacking on your job _again?_" Ganondorf glared at the kid.

The boy straightened up. "No! Well, uh, maybe. I was just getting some water, and—"

Ganondorf groaned in annoyance.

"—and, anyways," the red head continued, "there was this guy, and he was really mean, and he isn't scared of you, and—"

"Stop your sniveling and get on with it," Ganondorf snarled.

The boy swallowed. "But, he, um…he says he's going to take out all the guards!"

"And?" Ganondorf asked.

"And…and…and I thought you'd be more upset by this," the boy blinked.

"Need I remind you that I know of everything that happens in this fortress?" Ganondorf huffed.

"Uh, no! No," the kid gulped. "You just…haven't been doing anything about it."

Ganondorf glared down at the boy. "You doubt me?"

"N-no," the red haired kid recoiled.

An eerie silence fell between them. If the kid could have hid himself under the floorboards, he would.

"Any other obvious statements you wish to bore me with?" Ganondorf turned away.

"They, uh, called me 'Mary'," the boy crossed his arms. "So I've decided that I don't like fairies anymore."

Ganondorf rolled his eyes. "I didn't mean for you to actually—wait, did you say fairy?"

"Uh, yeah?" the boy looked confused. "He had two of them…"

Ganondorf chuckled slightly, then burst out into loud bellows of laughter. The boy took a step back.

"My, this day is turning out quite well, after all," Ganondorf smiled.

"It is?" the boy blinked.

Ganondorf glanced over his shoulder.

"Turns out I might be able to make use of you," Ganondorf grinned.

The boy paused. "But what does this have to do with fair—oh, no, no, no. Don't tell me you expect me to—"

"Is there a problem?"

The silence fell ominously on the red haired boy.

"N-no," the kid gulped.

"I thought so."

"So, am I getting armour? Suited up? You know, so I can be true battle material?" the boy asked.

"No. That would be a waste of material and time," Ganondorf said.

The air fell into an eerie silence.

"But can you at least make it harder for them to get up here?" the redhead sighed.

"I don't suppose you have anything in mind," Ganondorf said.

* * *

"Ahhh!" Link jumped back. "What the crap is this thing?!"

A large, black hand rose out of a hole in the floor. Link squirmed and struggled under the hand's tight grip on his head.

"I thought you would know," Navi said. "You always seem to know the name of the enemies we come across."

"Well," Link stopped to ponder this, "it _could _be those Floor Masters that I always hear Orca complaining about in the stories of his youth."

"Yeah," Navi stared at the monster. "This thing looks like it would be called a Floor Master."

"Whatever it is, get it off of me!" Link let out.

"And get myself snared? No thanks," Navi said.

"Maybe it just wants to be friends," Ivan suggested.

"Wait! Ivan!" Navi reached out to him.

Ivan flew towards the Floor Master. It let go of Link and latched onto the glowing fairy's body. It dragged him into the floor.

"Weee~" Ivan cheered as he went down.

The Floor Master, along with the hole it resided in, disappeared.

"Ack! Crap! Ivan!" Navi let out.

"Look on the bright side; this saves us from the trouble of finding Saria," Link said.

"Don't think like that!" Navi smacked Link on the head. "He could be eaten! He could be killed! He could be—"

Doo doo doo do dum.

"…in jail," Link added.

"That's even worse!" Navi let out. "He'll do anything reckless by himself! He could fly out a window or something! He can't be left alone!"

"What do you suggest we do then, huh?" Link huffed. "Walk all the way back to get him?"

"Hmm…" Navi pondered. "The guards _have _been quite hesitant to approach you since you've got the sword this time. Maybe we could bribe them to take you there?"

Navi looked around. She saw another blackened hole in the ground nearby.

"Say, why don't you get Ivan?" Link asked. "You can fly. You can generally get around unseen. Why don't—"

"I've got a better idea," Navi said. "Watch."

"Wait, what?" Link blinked.

Navi pushed Link over the black circle on the floor.

Link looked below him. "Not coo_—oooool!_"

Doo doo doo do dum.

* * *

Link and Ivan headed down a corridor they had previously passed. A tapestry with some ships on it, hung from the ceiling.

"You're really nice for coming to get me, Mister Link Frog Tree Master Stick guy!" Ivan hummed.

"Don't mention it," Link grumbled.

Link trotted over the lowered spikes in the floor. Though he currently pondered various skewering techniques, he was so glad he had gotten Navi punch those down for him.

"When I get my hands on her, I'll…" Link muttered to himself.

"Didn't something near here need some up picking?" Ivan asked.

"Ivan, shut up," Link mumbled.

Link opened the door and entered the next hallway. The wall exploded. Link jumped back in surprise and watched both of the two Moblins get taken out by raining debris. Link clamped his hands around Ivan to keep him from getting squashed.

As soon as the air settled, two shadowy figures stepped out.

"Great going, you big buffoon!" one of the voices sounded stuck up. "That was our last C4!"

"_Sooorrrryyy_," the other voice didn't sound too bright.

Link gasped. "Aryll?"

The two figures turned to look at Link.

"Um, no. How on the Great Sea could you confuse us for _her?_" the first one huffed.

"Yeeaahh," the second one added. "There's, like, twooo of us."

Link shrugged. "She could have learned to clone herself. She's certainly had enough spare time and advanced technology to give it a shot."

"Blind buffoon," the first one muttered.

The two girls stepped forward. One was blonde wearing the remains of a tattered pink dress while the other was brunette with a ratty potato sack of an outfit.

"Hiii. My name's _Maaaggie_…" the second girl held her hand forward.

"Mila von Schmied," the first girl huffed. "And I'm _assuming _that you're Aryll's 'onii-chan who valiantly sacrificed himself for the greater good and shall not be forgotten but, strangely, won't really be missed either'?"

"The one and only!" Ivan wriggled out of Link's hands.

"Unfortunately," Link sighed. "And you are…?"

"Aryll's cellmates," Mila said.

"I had a feeling," Link said.

"And I'm Ivan!" Ivan held out his hand. "I'm an idiot! At least, that's what Navi always says."

"I _liiike_ him," Maggie giggled.

"Wait, how did you guys get out? Like, without Aryll!" Link asked.

Mila held up a cutting torch Link had seen Aryll use to make her telescope three summers ago.

"You stole something from Aryll?" Link raised an eyebrow.

"I may have learned a thing or two from her," Mila smiled.

A brigade of Moblins rushed around the corner and into the hall. Mila and Maggie whipped out their machine gun and pumped the monsters full of lead. Several poofs of smoke later…

"I hope Mooooe wasn't in there," Maggie paused. "Cause that would kinda _suuuck_."

"Look at all the glowy thingies!" Ivan lifted his arms in the air.

Ivan zipped over to the glowing treasure balls and began popping them playfully.

"Yup, you definitely have spent too much time around Aryll," Link shrugged. "So, where are you heading to?"

"Right to the top," Mila reloaded her machine gun.

"Wait, Aryll's got you both going after…" Link paused.

"The _guuuy_ who, like, locked us _uuup_, and we're gonna take him down," Maggie explained.

"Maggie!" Ivan called out from the other end of the room. "Come dance with me in the necklaces!"

"Oooo…" Maggie cooed.

Maggie trotted over to the other end of the hall and began picking up the Skull Necklaces.

"You're talking about Ganondorf?" Link raised an eyebrow.

"That might be his name as I recall, yes," Mila said. "Are you?"

"Well, yeah, but," Link paused, "I thought Aryll would have you girls…"

"Have us do what?" Mila glared at Link.

"Nothing, nothing," Link gulped. "Just thought she'd have you go after the Seagull King, that's all."

"The seagull what?" Mila blinked.

Oh crap. Link bit his lip.

"Nothing," Link chuckled nervously. "Nothing at—can we keep going? I have a friend to meet."

Mila gave him a confused, yet suspicious, look. She sighed.

"Yes, you two can keep going," Mila said. "It's about time we headed back as well. I think we sufficiently proven that we can retrieve the explosives without her help."

"But didn't we, like, use allll the C4 alreaaady?" Maggie added.

"Wait, you left Aryll behind on purpose?" Link paled.

"Yes? And?" Mila asked.

"You stole from Aryll _and _left her behind on purpose?" Link's face grew grim.

"What of it?" Mila asked. "She had the gall of saying that we were completely inept without her. We just decided to prove her wro—"

"Yeah, um, look, maybe we should stick together," Link said. "She's less likely to skin you alive if she sees me with you."

"She wouldn't turn on us," Mila huffed.

"Yeaah!" Maggie piped up from afar. "We're, like, almost her _faaaamily_."

"…Eh heh. You'd be surprised," Link gulped. "Come on, Ivan. Our new friends want to meet Navi."

"They do?" Ivan sprung into the air. "Oh boy! They're in for a refrigerator!"

"Don't ask," Link said before Mila could say anything. "Let's go."

* * *

Link, Ivan, Maggie, and Mila continued through the halls of Forsaken Fortress. Link found it quite refreshing to have all the foes he would have otherwise faced, be taken out by sniper shots. And, Link thought, it must have been nice for the girls to not have to worry about the spotlights, which no longer jail-napped Link, but just tossed bombs and Miniblins at him. Ehh, it was an upgrade.

Soon, they made their way to Navi. She had taken a seat on one of the stone stair cases.

"Naaavi!" Ivan flew through the air.

Ivan hit the floor three inches in front of her.

"Took you long enough—wait, who are they?" Navi blinked.

"Hii, my name's—" Maggie began.

"They're Aryll's cell mates. They're going to help us take out Ganondorf," Link said.

"That's convenient," Navi said. "Will they slow us down?"

Link snapped his fingers. Maggie threw a throwing knife at a Floor Master. It hit the palm dead center. It shriveled up and died.

"Nice," Navi admitted.

"Heeey," Maggie frowned. "How'd you'd know I'd do thaaaat?"

"You've made your point," Navi said. "They can come. Besides, it'll be a nice change of pace having girls in the group."

Maggie picked her nose. Mila spat on the ground.

"…I think," Navi said.

Link and company continued their trek through the fortress.

* * *

"…Crap."

Link stared at the path ahead of him. It was a wall with a complete drop, except for a small ledge he could sidle across, if he was careful. However, one of the spotlights hovered over the spot. Link looked over at the spotlight system. There was a cannon ready and waiting.

"Oh, you have got to be kidding me!" Navi huffed. "Why is every single, blinking _thing_ trying to get in our way today?!"

"I thought you two were competent enough to take out at least _this _spotlight," Mila said. "I guess I was wrong."

"Um, you mean 'us three'," Link pointed at Ivan. "I travel with Navi and Ivan."

"He's not competent," Mila and Navi said at the same time.

"You guys are _kiiinnda_ stupid," Maggie added.

"Which reminds me…" Navi turned to the two girls. "If the spotlight is still up and running, how did you two get by?"

Mila and Maggie pointed at the large gap and at the water below.

"Strange how Ganondorf would make it harder getting _to_ the prisoners than for the prisoners to get out," Navi pondered aloud.

Navi elbowed Ivan in the stomach before he could say anything.

"So, whaaat are we gonna, like, dooooo?" Maggie asked.

"Frankly," Link put his hands on his hips, "I have no—"

Navi glared evilly at Link.

"—I haven't the faintest idea," Link chuckled nervously.

"I don't know what that was, but whatever," Mila huffed. "With Aryll, I've learned its best not to ask. Now we need to devise a plan of sorts to get us all across safely."

"Okay, Ivan, what have you got?" Link turned to Ivan.

"Muffins?" Ivan blinked.

Link pulled up his inventory.

"Will you stop that!" Navi tore down the inventory. "You can't just heed every word Ivan says when you run out of ideas! Think of something yourself!"

Ivan stared at something far away.

"Speaking of which," Link turned to Navi. "You have super human strength for no reason. Why don't you just carry us across?"

"Because there's a chance you won't be the hero if I do?" Navi pointed out.

Link groaned. "Fine."

Link clapped his hands. Nothing happened.

"Yeaaah, um, noooo," Maggie huffed. "I ain't gonna fall for that _twiiice_."

"You're not Aryll," Mila said. "You haven't given us any reason to take orders from you."

Link sighed in annoyance. "Why do you expect me to come up with the answers when you won't even listen to me? Some contribution would be _nice_."

"Because you're an id—auugh, we've lost Ivan again," Navi grumbled.

"Lost him?" Link looked around. "Then where…?"

The spotlights swerved out of position.

"Hiya, mister fat face!" Ivan's faraway voice could faintly be heard. "I can glow funny colours! Can you?"

"Ack! No! Ivaaaaan!" Navi let out.

Navi zipped over to the spotlight guard.

"_Woooow_," Maggie paused.

"This happens often, doesn't it?" Mila asked.

"Does it matter?" Link asked. "Quick! The searchlight's out. Hustle! Hustle!"

Link let Mila and Maggie shuffle onto the ledge ahead of him, then followed shortly after. Link smiled smugly at the chivalry of his noble action, but frowned when he noticed they were sidling significantly faster than he was.

Nevertheless, they made it across in relatively short order. Link turned just in time to see Navi carrying Ivan while dodging several lit bombs flying through the air.

"But I liked his nose," Ivan sounded disappointed.

"No, no, for the last time, no!" Navi reprimanded. "You can't just wander off like that! You'll get us killed!"

The spotlights swerved back into the correct position. Navi zipped into Link's hat.

"But, Navi, _pleeease?_" Ivan sounded upset.

"…I always forget how good-looking you are until you do that," Navi had a strange tone in her voice.

"Oy!" Link smacked his hat. "Not in my hat."

"I-I was just dropping him off!" Navi zipped out with a slight pink tint. "The giant Cucco can't see him in there."

"Come to mention it, where is that bird and Mary-Sue?" Link looked around.

"He's riiight," Maggie added. "It's, like, really quiet, kinda."

"Eerily quiet, if you ask me," Mila paused. "Something's off."

"Whatever," Link sighed. "We're not going to bust Aryll out any faster if we wait for those two to come back again. "

"Finally, you're speaking sense for once," Navi huffed. "Now, let's go."

Link, Navi, and the two girls continued their trek.


	19. Chapter 12: The Helmaroc Rider Part 2

Link slowly opened the large, wooden door. Maggie and Mila rushed past him and ducked behind a pile of half charred planks near the door. Link and Navi followed. Link peaked over the pile.

"Holy—!"

Link clapped his hands over his mouth. The cell, which had previously been nothing more than a crudely put together log pile had now been upgraded to a thick, steel containment cell. On it was only one small, high up, barred window and a combination lock door. Link stared in disbelief at all twelve Iron Knuckles, standing guard on all four sides.

Navi must have been staring too, for she said: "Okay, there is _no _way we are going to get through all of that."

Link wouldn't let her wound his pride like that. "Oh, come on. I'm a man! I can take 'em!"

"Shh!" Maggie and Mila shushed in unison.

Ivan popped out of Link's hat. "Libraries?"

Link and Navi ducked down behind the charred planks. Link grabbed Ivan and brought him down too.

"As I was saying," Link lowered his voice and ducked out of sight. "I'm sure that if I knock them out, one by one, that I can get her ou—"

"Oi! Onii-chan!" came a harsh whisper.

Link turned around. Aryll's head poked out of a hole in the ground a couple feet behind them. She was considerably soiled with shovel in hand.

"You've _got_ to be kidding me," Link groaned.

"I see you survived, solider," Aryll saluted him. "You exceeded my expectations."

"Holy crap!" Navi let out as quietly as possible. "This floor is solid stone! How did you—"

"Conversation is not advised. It's not safe here," Aryll's eyes darted around suspiciously. "Regrouping elsewhere is in order."

"Aryll, we are not going anywhere," Link frowned. "We just got here and we are _not _turning back after all the trouble we went through."

"_Nice to see you too_, onii-chan," Aryll grumbled.

"Aryll, no, I didn't mean it like—" Link sighed.

"What about the armoured guuuys?" Maggie picked her nose.

"Well, since onii-chan is clearly defying orders and all sound reasoning…" Aryll began.

"Aryll," Link said warningly.

"…we have no choice but to neutralize the threat here," Aryll continued, then threw a glare at Link, "which is incredibly rash, I might add."

"_Aryll_," Link tapped his foot.

"...Even though it risks getting all of us caught, once again," Aryll rolled her eyes. "But since my onii-chan is the current definition of the term 'lazy bum', I believe maneuver two hundred seventy five is in order."

"Aryll?" Link gulped.

Aryll gave a couple hand signals and the three girls rolled over the wood pile. The startled Iron Knuckles looked up to see the three whip out their assault rifles. Various clangs and ricocheting noises echo around the room. Aryll barked some barely audible orders about aiming for the jugular. Link grew pale upon the recollection of old memories. Navi hurriedly covered Ivan's eyes, which Link assumed was to prevent Ivan from getting any more unstable than he already was.

As the air cleared (from the several different poofs of purple smoke that resulted), Link looked up to see Aryll and her subordinates standing triumphantly over a field of glowing spheres. Ivan flew over and started popped them.

"So many bubbles!" Ivan was ecstatic.

"Now," Aryll smiled in her satisfaction, "it is safe. What were the matters we were to converse—"

"A-A-_Aryll!_" Link flung out his arms. "Look at you! Look at what you're doing with your life! Why can't you just be a cute, innocent little girl who has seagulls hang around her all the time?! What would our parents think if they could see you now?!"

"No, onii-chan, not our parents. My parents," Aryll corrected. "You're not allowed to have parents."

"Uh, no, think about what you just said there, Aryll," Link said. "That doesn't make any sense. We are _siblings_. If _you_ had parents, then _I_ had parents."

"Actually, according to my maternal unit, you just kind of materialized in her arms one day," Aryll explained. "As my paternal unit once said, you 'looked and acted like their kid. But you just…weren't'."

"_What?_" Link sounded more disappointed than confused.

"Yeah. Sorry to break that to you," Aryll inhaled through closed teeth.

"I'm…I'm adopted?" Link's eyes watered.

"No. Just not allowed to have parents," Aryll shrugged.

Link buried his face in his hands and pretended not to cry.

"There, there, tree frog," Ivan patted Link on the back. "At least the sponge monkeys won't cry you to sleep every night."

"Huh," Navi paused. "Maybe you're a descendant of my Link after all."

"…Am I interrupting something?" a voice came from behind.

Everyone turned to see Tetra standing by the door, with the pirates Gonzo and Senza beside her.

Link's Adventurer Status:  
Mood increased by 80%.  
Wuss factor decreased by 5%.  
Infatuation increased by 25%.

"Whoooaaaa…" Maggie's mouth hung open. "You guys, like, got past _allll _the traps?"

"The pirates are ninjas, duh," Navi said.

Aryll began polishing her revolver.

"I'm not quite sure how you managed it," Tetra paused, "but you somehow busted your sister out of that cell. Quite an accomplishment."

"Why, thank you," Link grinned smugly.

"Stop complimenting him," Navi said. "It'll only make things worse."

Tetra turned to Navi, then stared at Ivan, who was bowling with the hearts and rupees.

"_Hiii_," Ivan waved.

"Do they duplicate over time or something?" Tetra asked.

"It's a cinnamon bun!" Ivan gasped at his revelation.

"Trust me, it's a _long _story," Link groaned.

"It involves a lot of stupidity and bizarreness," Navi added.

"Acting before you think, as usual, I see…" Tetra smiled to herself.

"That's rather bold of you," Navi huffed. "Seriously, this is the second time you've talked to him face to face. Where do you get off making accusations like that?"

"No better than you," Link grumbled. "Saying I hit myself in the head with a hammer a few seconds after we met."

Tetra burst out laughing.

"Oi! Oi! Miss!" Gonzo seemed anxious. "What about the bird?"

Link heard Aryll hiss loudly.

"The bird?" Link blinked. "What about it?"

"Oh yeah," Tetra regained her composure. "I swear! Do you even realize that we had to draw that monster bird off for you? It was about to come flying in here after you again!"

"So, wait, if you guys are here, then who's commanding the ship?" Link asked.

* * *

Meanwhile…

"Yaaar! You'll never nab me plunder!" Niko yelled at the bird. "Not until you complete my rope swinging minigame, that is."

"Why is everyone I meet around here completely insane?!" the boy screamed from the back of the giant bird.

"Did I mention that bird's mask is really shiny?" Niko drooled. "Can I have it when this whole kafuffle's over?"

"Oh, for crying out loud!" the kid let out.

* * *

"I think Niko's got it covered," Tetra nodded to herself.

"Oh, okay," Link shrugged.

"Tree frog! Look!" Ivan called out. "I got a hole in one!"

"Ivan, wrong game," Navi smacked her forehead.

"Can cinnamon bun play too?" Ivan asked.

Link turned around to please Ivan's nonsense. Tetra gasped.

"…That sword!" Tetra let out. "Where did you get that?! Are you… Is it even possible…?"

"Huh?" Link blinked. "Oh, you mean this?"

Link held up the Master Sword for her to see.

"Ivan, the green fairy with confused thought processes, calls it a stick," Link added.

"…How could it be…" Tetra muttered to herself, "…that…_shiny_…?!"

"Huh?" Link raised an eyebrow.

"Oh, speaking of which," Tetra spoke normally again. "Remember that pearl you said you'd lend to me? For a couple hours? You have it with you, right?"

Gonzo and Senza exchanged nervous glances.

"Uhhhh… Look, um, is this really the time?" Link asked. "A giant bird and a Mary-Sue could come crashing in any minute now."

"Fine, fine, but I expect it as soon as we get out of this mess," Tetra grumbled. "For now, we'll just take these girls. I'm sure their fathers back at town will pay a handsome reward for their return. Very, _very_ handsome…"

Gonzo and Senza gulped and grabbed Mila and Maggie. Both men hoisted the girls over their shoulders and began walking away.

"Hey, whaaa?" Maggie blinked.

"Well, it's a ride home," Mila sighed.

The pirates exited through the giant door. Link, Navi, and Ivan stared at Tetra in silence. Aryll pocketed the handgun.

"They were slowing me down anyway," Aryll whistled.

"And this is your sister?" Tetra asked.

"Onii-chan, a detailed description of this person, if you will," Aryll said. "She has potential."

"Aryll, this is Tetra," Link rolled his eyes. "She's the one you thought would have valuable Intel about the 'Seagull King'."

"Ah!" Aryll exclaimed. "Of course! I knew I had seen those fluorescent eyebrows somewhere before!"

Tetra stared blankly as Link started to laugh.

"Wait, is she a candy apple…?" Ivan pondered. "Or a cinnamon bun…?"

"Ivan, get back to your bowling," Navi said.

"Look, my eyebrows and hilarious and all," Tetra rolled her eyes. "But isn't there still something you need to take care of?"

Tetra gestured to the open sky at the top of the towering room.

"Right," Link said. "That bird."

"The Seagull King," Aryll corrected. "And don't worry, onii-chan—I've got your back."

Aryll readied her handgun.

"Ugh," Navi shuddered, "already I'm getting nervous about that thing."

"Don't forget Mary!" Ivan added.

"Look, maybe if we run for it now, then we can—" Link began.

"If you're worried about your sister…don't be," Tetra sighed. "I promise I'll deliver her safely back to your little island. Normally, I'd expect a huge reward for something like this…but this time, it's my treat!"

"I'm sorry, what?" Aryll did not look impressed in the slightest.

"Yes, please take her," Link pleaded. "_Please._ She won't listen to me!"

"Um, request denied," Aryll glared at Tetra. "I am not leaving until I make sure that monstrosity stops plaguing humanity."

Tetra turned to the little girl. "Listen, Aryll, your brother still has some things to take care of. Big, important, grownup things. He'll be back soon, so you just wait nice and quiet until he returns, okay?"

"Don't talk down to me!" Aryll snapped. "Now drop and give me fifty!"

Tetra raised a green eyebrow. She stared at Link, who was in fetal position, rocking back and forth, and uttering something about grandparents. Gonzo came rushing in.

"Miss Tetra!" he called out. "We have to hurry! The meeting might be canceled if we don't—er, I mean, the bird will be here any second!"

"Gonzo! Excellent!" Tetra said. "You're just in time! Take this one for me."

"Huh?! But she's…" Gonzo trailed off.

"She's fine! Just do as you're told!" Tetra glared at Gonzo.

Gonzo went over, picked Aryll up, and hoisted her over his shoulder. Aryll struggled wildly.

"What is this?! How dare you! I give the orders around here!" Aryll let out. "Unhand me this instant! I'm warning you!"

The door closed behind him. With it came the sweetest silence Link had ever experienced.

"A…Aryll's going home," Link stared into space. "I…I…I technically saved her. Can I…go home?"

Tetra and Navi stared quizzically at Link's vacant expression.

"What's with him?" Tetra asked.

"To be honest, I have no clue," Navi stared, mildly disturbed.

"Well, anyways," Tetra spun around. "I'm off."

Tetra headed for the door.

Ivan flew up and waved at Tetra. "Good bye, cinnamon bun~"

"Me…on top," Link giggled softly. "She can't do…a thing. Ha ha, ha ha."

Tetra turned around briefly. "Link! We'll be back. I swear it!"

The door shut behind her.

"Thank Din she's gone," Navi crossed her arms. "Something about her just rubs me the wrong way."

"The candy apple peels?" Ivan asked.

"No," Navi smacked Ivan atop the head.

"This is the weirdest feeling I've ever felt ever," Link's smile twitched. "I feel like Ivan. I think. Does being Ivan feel like this?"

"Okay, that's just a bad sign all together," Navi huffed. "Come on, Link! Snap out of it!"

Navi slapped Link across the face. It left a small bruise in the shape of a handprint. Nothing happened. Navi pulled out some hair. Still nothing. Navi yanked on his ear. Link did not react in the slightest.

"This is seriously creeping me out," Navi said. "What will it take to snap you out of it?"

The large, purple bird swooped down and landed in the middle of the room.

"Ahhh!" Navi let out.

"Plot convenience!" Ivan let out.

Link blinked. "Huh? Wha?"

Link looked up to see the giant masked bird staring hungrily at the two fairies.

"Crap, we're out in the open!" Navi gasped.

Navi grabbed Ivan and zipped into Link's hat.

"That's right!" came a familiar voice. "Who's laughing now?! Ha ha ha ha!"

"Oh hey," Link blinked. "It's the Mary-Sue again."

"I am not a Mary-Sue!" part of the boy's irritated flailing was visible from Link's angle.

"Right, sorry," Navi's voice came from his hat. "_Gary_-Stu."

"G-Gary…what?" the red head sounded confused.

Navi flew out again. "A Gary-Stu is the male equivalent of a Mary-Sue, but tend to—ah! Crap! BIRD!"

Navi zipped back into Link's hat.

"I'm not either of those things!" the kid was practically fuming.

"Yaaay! Mary!" Ivan flew out and did a happy dance.

"_Ivan!_" Navi retrieved him.

"Grrr! Shut up!" the boy let out. "I'll teach you not to talk down to me like that!"

With that, the monstrous bird lunged at Link. Link dodged. Bitter mumbling came from his hat. Link paused. Wet. He looked down. His feet were submerged in water. The bird started flying upward. Link saw that below the avian creature was a grate, which was flooding into the room. Link decided not to question the confusing mechanics that were behind this, and charged toward the spiraling pathway off to the side.

"Weee!" Link could feel Ivan bouncing on his bald spot.

"What's going on?" came Navi's confused voice. "Where are we going? And what's with the rushing water sound?"

"The room's flooding," Link tried his best to answer while running. "And if there are ladders anywhere on this path, then I swear to Zephos I'll—"

"Yeah, that's right!" the other guy taunted. "Run! Who's the coward now, huh?"

Link glared in the other boy's general direction while trotting. He, however, just barely missed the bird completely smash the walkway beneath him with its claw.

"Holy Cyclos Cycling Cyclones!" Link's adrenaline peeked. "Are you _trying _to kill me?!"

"That's not a bad idea," the kid smirked. "I just think I will!"

Link rolled his eyes. The other guy was obviously trying to intimidate him. He wasn't doing a very good job, though. Link decided it would be best to just try and ignore the red haired boy to the best of his ability. His hat, on the other hand…

"You obnoxious little brat!" Navi yelled through the fabric. "You stop hiding behind that giant Cucco of yours and face me head on! I_ dare_ you!"

"Ha ha ha!" the boy laughed. "No!"

Link raised an eyebrow at the long string of outdated swearing that erupted out of his hat.

"Navi, what did you mean by you'd beat him up and—" Ivan's confused voice erupted.

"Crap! You heard that?" Navi's voice let out. "Um, ju-just forget what I said, okay?"

Link rolled his eyes and continued up the path, which was harder than it sounded. Aside from the scattered Bokoblins on the walkway, who just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time, Link also had to dodge the claws that tried to shatter the pathway beneath him, and the continuous taunts from the redhead. After what felt like an age and a day, Link saw the end of the path just ahead.

"Are we there yet?" the nagging fairy's voice came yet again.

"Almost," Link said. "I can see the top just over there."

"Oh, no, you don't!" the red haired boy let out.

Link heard the kid give a couple orders, but Link didn't care. He was almost at the top. Almost at the point where he wouldn't be at constant threat of falling to his doom. Link glanced over his shoulder. Right, constant threat of falling to, um, treading water.

Whatever, Link faced forward again. He could see it. The night sky. The stars. Soon he would breathe in some fresh air to disperse the concentrated non-canon stench he had been putting up with.

The gigantic bird crashed onto the pathway ahead of him. Link fell over backwards.

"Auuggh!" Link let out in surprise.

"What? What's going on now?!" Navi sounded alarmed.

"The bird's blocking the way!" Link exclaimed. "I can't get through!"

Navi's response was but a jumble of irritated noises.

"Nah nah nah naaahhhh naaaaahhh!" the red haired boy stuck out his tongue. "Now you're gonna drown~! And I'm not~! Who's stupid _now?_"

"THAT'S IT!" erupted from the green hat.

Navi zipped out of Link's hat and charged straight at the giant bird. This must have caught the creature by surprise, Link thought, since it didn't try and eat her. Navi let out a battle roar and punched the creature…right in the mask. Small cracks erupted across the light purple visor. The bird cried out into the night and fell into the water.

"Owww," Navi flapped her sore hand. "That thing's harder than it looks."

Link stared, wide-eyed, at the fairy before him.

"What?" Navi asked. "I _was _the Deus Ex Machina in this series for the longest time."

"Right… Right," Link snapped out of it. "Okay, let's just get out of here. I'm sick of all this heroic stuff. I just want to go home."

"Yeah," Navi sighed. "This whole 'save your sister' thing has been a handful."

"But it was a field of daisies, right?" Ivan's muffled voice added.

"Yes, I suppose it was fun, if that's what you mean," Navi smiled a little. "But all good adventures must come to an end at some point."

"I can almost taste Grandma's soup already," Link's mouth watered.

Link walked over to the ledge before him. Navi flew on ahead of him.

"Now all we have to do is find a way off this rock, and—OH, COME ON!" Navi yelled.

Link clambered up onto the higher ground.

"What? What is it—you've got to be kidding me," Link groaned.

Link looked around at the circular area around him; the walls lined with spikes. Link turned around to test his luck with diving, but the large hole he came from closing slowly. Suddenly, the large bird shot up through the closing gap, and into the night skies.

"That's my cue," Navi said.

Navi fled into Link's hat.

"Come to think of it, do you think Gary drowned?" Link asked. "Those two were under there for quite a while…"

Loud coughing and spluttering came from above them.

"I'm…not…finished…yet!" wheezed the red haired boy.

"He lives," Link shrugged.

"Mary's come back from the dead!" Ivan's awestruck voice emanated from Link's hat.

The bird circled around in the sky, then swooped down at Link. A single flap of its wings sent gusts of wind blasting across Link's body. The sheer monstrosity of the beast finally sank in as Link gazed up at the yellow glint in its eye. Link took a step back.

The bird—Helmaroc King—took to the skies once more.

Link watched the two of them soar among the searchlights. Despite previous behavior, the 'Helmaroc Rider' sat low and close to the neck of the Helmaroc King. He looked confident, Link thought.

Finally, Link smiled. Not necessarily a fair fight, per se, but definitely one that he could brag about to Tetra later in a way that would make her swoon. Link drew his sword.

"We are so screwed," Navi peeked out of the hat.

"Oh, come now, Navi, this won't be so bad," Link said. "All we gotta do is get that mask off the bird. It's obviously the weak point. And since you managed to crack the thing…"

"I knew it," Navi groaned. "You _are_ crazy."

"Come on! How long can it take to punch a bird in the face?" Link protested. "You can keep yourself alive that long."

Link heard some faint, nonsensical singing from his hat.

"Oh, yeah…" Link paused. "I have _two _fairies."

"Like I said," Navi tucked back inside. "We are so screwed."

The Helmaroc King swooped down at Link, its sharp talons leading the charge. Link's eyes widened; he scrambled out of the way. Link felt a sharp sting when one of the claws nicked the tip of his ear.

"Tch," Link touched the wound slightly.

"What?" his hat asked. "What happened?"

"It's nothing," Link huffed. "Stay inside. I'll tell you when there's an opening."

Link whipped around and turned his eyes turned to the skies (ignoring the quarter of a heart lost). The bird soared around the ring, the sound of its beating wings filling the air. A spotlight rippled over, illuminating both the Helmaroc King and its rider.

Link knitted his brow when he realized he still didn't know the kid's name.

Some authoritative sounds were faintly heard when they were blown away in the wind. The Helmaroc King swooped down, landing before him. A smile spread across Link's face; this was this chance. Link tightened his grip on his sword. The giant bird stomped up to him. It hoisted its beak into the air and dove at the ground.

Not this time, Link smirked. Link jumped back, the beak of the bird hitting the ground a foot from his own foot. It pulled back, yet its beak remained firmly lodged between two of the stone plates. It began to struggle.

Link felt the quick force of wind across his face as he narrowly dodged a swing from his enemy. The rider had jumped down to his level and had begun swinging his dagger relentlessly. By incorrect grip and execution, Link could tell that the boy was inexperienced with the weapon. But this also made him unpredictable. Link held up his shield from the various jabs.

"I don't care how strong you are, I will not let you hurt him!" the boy yelled.

"Yeah, well, I don't exactly plan on dying tonight,either," Link retorted.

"Well, too bad!" the kid snarled.

The redhead stabbed madly at Link right and left. Link held up his shield and braced himself under the recoil of the deflected attacks. Link stared into the yellow eyes of the tanned boy. This, however, was cut short as Link ducked to avoid a stab to the face.

"Yeah! Betcha feel stupid now for calling me all those names!" the boy taunted.

"Speaking of names, I still don't know yours," Link paused. "Care to tell me?"

"Uhh…" the boy looked confused, but he regained his composure. "Hmph! I don't want to tell you my name. You shall know me only as the Helmaroc Rider." The redhead stood up tall when he said this.

"Gary it is, then," Link rolled his eyes.

"Hey!" the redhead let out. "Don't call me th—"

The Helmaroc King's head reared up out of the ground. It shot a glare at Link. A thunderous squawk filled the air. Link paled. Link desperately jumped around, the bird's snapping jaws in close pursuit. He lost his footing, giving the Helmaroc King an ample chance to nab him. Link clung to his hat for dear life.

"Heh! Gotcha!" the boy laughed.

"Uagh! Put me down! Put me down!" Link spluttered.

"Sure, I will," the kid smirked.

"Come on, this isn't fair—wait, what?" Link blinked.

Link looked over to see the redhead climb back onto the bird. Fierce winds circled all around him as the ground below got farther away.

"How far would you like to be thrown this time?!" the redhead shouted over the winds.

"Oh no, no, no, no, no, no! You can't…! I…! NAAVIII!" Link screamed.

Link dipped under the swing of the Helmaroc King's neck. Link shut his eyes and braced himself for the worst. He never wanted this. All he wanted was a nice birthday party with soup, and cake, and moderately less warfare if Aryll was feeling generous. And—

"Like heck you will, bird brain!"

Link opened one eye. Navi had zipped out of Link's hat and stared face to face with the Helmaroc King. She punched it dead center, cracking it from side to side. Link flung through the air and scuttled across the floor when the beast shrieked in pain.

A twinge of pain made Link look and see that a wall spike grazed his arm. And tore his shirt too. Grandma would not be pleased.

Link ignored the heart loss, stood up, and looked back to the ring. The Helmaroc King ripped its beak out of the ground. It turned and squawked disapprovingly at the fairy.

"Oh, Din," Navi gulped.

Navi zipped around to avoid the snapping jaws of the enraged bird, finally fleeing to Link's hat. The bird, in turn, pecked at Link's hat instead. Link ran around in circles.

"Nooo!" Link protested. "You can't have it! I don't feel like jumping off a cliff right now."

The bird and the redhead stared in silence.

"…C-Come on!" the boy called to the bird. "You'll get her next time."

The rider kid leapt onto the Helmaroc King and they took to the skies.

"T-That…" the hat wheezed, "…was too close."

"Well, we got one hit, already," Link said. "And based on what I've seen in the other boss battles, two more hits and the mask will be battered to bits."

"It had _better _be," the hat snarled. "Nayru, my fingers are throbbing."

"Did the feather duster hurt you, Navi?" came the concerned voice of Ivan.

"Yes, he did," the hat sighed. "But, whatever. We've got to focus on staying aliv—"

"Why that bubble baloney, rose peddler, no good piece of cake!" was Ivan…angry?

The little green ball of light flew out of Link's hat. Before Link could grab the fairy, he had flown out of reach. He heard Navi's enraged gargles. Link watched as Ivan flew in a contorted line after the flying duo. The bird made a sharp turn. Navi sped after the fairy.

A loud snap filled the air. Navi spiraled out of the way from the blasting winds as the Helmaroc King rocketed by.

There was no sign of Ivan.

Crap.

"…Oh…"

Link drew his attention to Navi. Her hue had darkened so much that Link could have sworn she was a black fairy.

"…that…"

Navi stiffened so much that her trembling was visible from Link's distance.

"…DOES IT!" she shrieked.

Navi took off at such a speed that Link thought she had rocket launchers under her feet. She charged after the beast, spotlights illuminating them both. Link saw a pointed finger from behind the bird's neck, and the Helmaroc King swerved straight toward Navi. Its mouth opened wide, expecting a tasty morsel. Navi whirled around, dodging the Helmaroc King's open beak, grabbed one edge of the mask's edges, and hammered on it like there was no tomorrow.

"Hey! What are you—" Link heard Gary protest.

"Leave my not-boyfriend alone!" Navi roared.

Link watched in awe as the thousands of tiny shards shattered off of the bird's face, and scattered in several directions. Link soon came to his senses, however, and held his shield up to prevent any damage from the splintered debris.

"Why the heck can you do that?!" the redhead protested again.

"I am Mademoiselle Fairy, former queen of the Black Market," Navi snarled. "And I sure as #$%& am **not **letting some pretentious punk like you best me or my not-boyfriend!"

With that, Navi executed a quick jab to the bird's stomach. The bird lurched in pain, and spluttered horribly. Ivan came coughing out of the Helmaroc King's gaping jaws. The fairy landed on a nearby brick with a 'splat', probably due to him being covered in saliva. Ivan gargled.

Link sighed as looked back at the skies. He stared up at the duo, but mainly the bird since the redhead was barely visible most of the time. He gazed upon the face of the maskless bird. Link's eyes widened at the dark, wolf-like features and the blazing red eyes. The light from the surrounding searchlights served to accentuate its hardened features. Link saw a flash of red by the bird's shoulder, a glimpse of the red haired boy, seemingly leaning over.

What happened next caught Link by surprise. It couldn't be; he squinted. Could it? No, it definitely looked like it. Gary was…falling?

Gary plummeted back to earth, all the while flailing around in his panic. By some stroke of luck, the redhead managed to grab onto one of the Helmaroc King's pronged tail as it flew overhead. He clung for dear life as the cord of feathers rapidly slid through his fingers. Luckily for him, the Helmaroc King had been somewhat low to the ground at that point, so he landed in the ring relatively unharmed, with a fist full of feathers.

Link flinched. Link did _not _envy the kid's rope burn right now.

"Owwww…" the boy winced. He noticed Link looking at him. "Erm, that was only a fluke! You got lucky!"

"I didn't say anything," Link paused.

The Helmaroc King altered its path and dove straight for the redhead.

"Ha! My ride's coming already," the kid smirked. "And, this time, I won't be so—"

There was a whistle, and then the Helmaroc King exploded.

Nobody moved. Everyone stared blankly at the plumage (among other things) raining down on them. Some spikes by a far wall receded into the floor. A Heart Container fell out of the sky, bouncing in the center of the ring.

"Oh! Navi! Navi!" Ivan was ecstatic. "Let's make snowmen!"

"I-I-I-I…" Link stared, wide eyed.

The redhead fell to his knees, dazed.

"W-w-w-_whaaaat_?!" Navi let out. "What in Nayru's Haven, Din's Lair, and everything in Farore's realm between, was _THAT!?_"

"I-I don't know!" Link let out.

"I wasn't expecting you to know, but _whaaat?_!" Navi let out.

A shrill cackling filled the air.

"I did it! I finally did it! I took down the SEAGULL KING!"

All heads turned to the source of the voice. There, standing atop of the wall, stood Aryll. Aryll painted quite the picture sporting her green army helmet, totting her smoking bazooka in one hand, clutching her wall climbing claws in the other, her skirt whipping wildly in the wind, as the spotlights illuminated her against the night sky. The most prominent of which, being the broad grin plastered across her face.

"Greeting, onii-chan!" Aryll saluted. "It seems I managed to spare your name from the list of casualties once again. You've exceeded expectations once more."

Link tried to speak, but no words would come out.

"Ahem," Aryll cleared her throat. "Having done all I could, I believe that we as a race have proved that we stand victorious atop the food chain, able to defend our island homes and to outlive the menace of tyranny."

Aryll took off her army helmet and placed it on her chest.

"Even though large tracts of the Great Sea and many isles, especially that one with all the traitorous postmen, have fallen into the grip of the Iron Claw of Seagull Dictatorship, we shall still stand victorious," Aryll clenched her fist.

The blaring alarms in the background sounded like a triumphant fanfare.

"I shall go on to the end," Aryll continued, "I shall fight on the seas and oceans, I shall fight with growing confidence and growing strength in the air, I shall defend Outset Island, whatever the cost may be, I shall fight on the beaches, I shall fight on the landing grounds, I shall fight in the random forest that everyone keeps trying to tell me is a mountain, I shall fight in the palm trees and the bushes, and even in grass…"

Aryll saluted as best one could with a wall climbing claw in hand.

"…I shall never surrender for the sake of all humanity," Aryll proclaimed, "and even if, which I do not for a moment believe, they are naught but harmless birds. And even if they drive me out, I will regroup on Windfall to protect all those who reside there, so that the future generations will carry on the struggle, until all Hylians realize that I was right, and you and Grandma were wrong."

Aryll noticed the blank faces staring at her. She paused.

"Oh, and I, uh, I did it all for peace, and stuff," Aryll added.

"Grandma would be…proud?" Link raised an eyebrow.

There was a long pause.

"How did you even _get up_ here?!" Navi yelled in exasperation. _

* * *

Meanwhile…on a pathway not too far away…

"Whaddya mean that little girl knocked you unconscious?" Senza's jaw dropped.

"I don't know what happened," Gonzo explained to the other pirates. "One minute, I was carrying Link's sis over my shoulder, next, I feel a decisive wallop on the back of my head, and then I wake up with Miss Tetra kickin' me in the gut, tellin' me to get up!"

* * *

"It's Aryll," Link sighed.

"That doesn't explain how she got here," Navi paused.

"Yes," Link hung his head low. "Yes, it does."

"Your work was admirable, onii-chan," Aryll gave Link a thumbs-up. "You made an excellent distraction."

"D-distraction?" Link frowned.

"That monster was a master of evasive maneuvers," Aryll explained. "Not to mention had a bullet proof mask over its weak point. Plus, I had to wait until his brainwashed victim was out of the line of fire."

Navi glanced at Link and saw the look of sheer disappointment on his face.

"Good job, solider!" Aryll saluted. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got a ride to catch. Stage one: neutralize Seagull King…check. Proceed to Stage two! To the Great Sea!"

With that, Aryll equipped her wall climbing claws and began her descent.

"Stage two?" Navi raised an eyebrow. "What do you thin—"

"Seagull aviancide," Link sighed.

"Ah."

Navi and Link stared at the redhead, who was still dazed, and Ivan, who was trying his best to roll up some feathers.

"It's not sticking," Ivan sounded disappointed.

"Try using some of the spit dripping off you," Link called out.

"You know, I almost wish I was teamed up with her instead of you," Navi said.

Link stared at Navi with a horrified look on his face.

"Almost," Navi added.

"…I'm going to go get the Heart Container," Link sighed.

Link walked over to the spinning heart. DUH DUH DUH NUUUUUUHHHH! Link got another Heart Container! Wooo!

"Then we face Ganon," Navi groaned. "It's time we faced that balding monkey again."

"Dorf!" Ivan exclaimed.

Link wandered over.

"Yes, Ivan, we get it already," Navi sighed. "Now, let's go."

"K…Ka…"

Link looked over. The redhead had not moved, but he was trembling slightly.

"Karas?" the boy gulped.

"Huh?" Link blinked.

"KARAS!" his shriek echoed all around them.

The echoes soon faded away. The redhead's head hung low.

"K…Karas…" there was a soft sniffling.

"Told you he was a Mary-Sue," Navi elbowed Link. "Screaming names all melodramatically from the tops of towers and crap."

"Wait, wait, wait, you gave that bird a _name?_" Link asked the redhead.

"'Carcass', apparently," Navi shrugged.

"Carcasses are fireworks?" Ivan asked while holding feathers in his arms.

Link and Navi gave Ivan a confused look.

"It's okay, Mary," Ivan flew over to the boy. "Katy Perry likes fireworks—"

Gary swatted Ivan away.

"Uwah!" Ivan let out as he hit the ground.

"H-Hey!" Navi hissed. "What was that for?! He was just trying to comfort you!"

"That doesn't stop you from hurting him on occasion," Link pointed out.

Navi folded her arms. "That's not the—"

"…Shut up."

"Excuse me?!" Navi buzzed up and down.

"I said shut up!" the boy shouted and spun around.

Link stared at the red haired boy. His eyes were welled up with tears, and an unappealing booger dribbled down to his lip. The boy turned away.

"…Come on, Navi," Link said.

"Link, doesn't it concern you at all that that punk just _hit_ Ivan?" Navi huffed.

"He needs to be alone," Link turned away.

"Link, stop being a sap!" Navi snapped. "That guy tried to kill us!"

Link pointed an accusing finger at Navi. "Hey, if you got to mourn for your Link, then he deserves he right to mourn too."

"Tch," Navi huffed. "Okay, okay. _Sheesh._ Come on, Ivan. Let's go."

"But I'm not done making snowmen—" Ivan protested.

"Now," Navi glared at the fairy.

Ivan sighed and joined Link and Navi. They began to walk off, and up the path.

"I just hope that this doesn't come to bite us in the butt later," Navi grumbled.

The red haired boy sat on the stone floor. He shook, containing the water in his eyes as best he could. He opened one of his raw hands, staring at a large, golden feather. It was still warm. The boy's eyes fixed on the feather. The barbs flittered under the light gusts of air. It almost looked like it was dancing.

The boy clenched his hand into a fist, crumpling the feather in with it. He glared up the path. The path _he _went up.

It was all his fault.

His fault.

His.

* * *

Link kicked open the large door. He stepped into the abode of recycled pirate ship parts.

"I've come to take you down, decapitated man!" Link yelled triumphantly.

"Yaay! Decapination!" Ivan cheered.

"No, Ivan, its decapitation. And decapitation is not something to cheer about," Navi smacked over the head.

Link looked over to the far end of the room, sword and shield readied. There stood the cloaked figure of Ganondorf. Link smirked. His foe. And by that he meant that Aryll wasn't going to take the man down before Link got a chance to.

"It's been a while, boy," Ganondorf said. "You have done well to sneak into my fortress and wriggle your way all the way up here. I suppose the least I can do is commend you for your reckless courage."

"Um," Link paused, "you're sure you're not talking about my sister, right?"

Ganondorf turned around and glared down at Link.

"My name is Ganondorf…"

"Dorf!" Ivan didn't skip a beat.

There was a pause. Ganondorf stared. Ivan fluttered a small spiral to the ground. He hiccupped loudly.

"He does that sometimes," Navi sighed. "Just ignore him."

Ganondorf frowned. "If interrupts me again, I will squish him like the insect your species is."

"Bugs?" Ivan blinked. "Does he have butterflies—"

"Ivan. Hat. Now," Navi said.

With that, Navi stashed Ivan away in Link's hat.

"Now, where was I…? Ah yes. I am the master of Forsaken Fortress," Ganondorf said.

"And apparently have a thing for small children," Navi added.

Ganondorf stared. "What?"

"You had three girls and a boy running around the place," Navi said. "I think that needs to be pointed out."

"As if you should speak. You keep the company of a young boy yourself, not once, but twice now."

"I'm not afraid of you," Navi huffed.

"You don't have your revolting milk to hide behind this time," Ganondorf smirked. "Do you really think you can stand against me now?"

"Tch, well, I don't need to!" Navi said. "This little twerp is all that's needed!"

"I am a man, not a twerp," Link crossed his arms. "I take offense to that."

"That bluff is as transparent as your wings. By the way, boy…" Ganondorf turned to Link. "When you drew that sword of yours out of its pedestal… Did you by chance notice how all the monsters frozen in time down there suddenly began stirring again? Do you understand precisely what that means?"

Link stared down at his sword in disbelieve. Tetra was right. The blade _was_ shiny.

"…I highly doubt you do," Ganondorf spat. "Foolish child. While that sword is indeed the blade of evil's bane, at the same time, it has long played another role… You see, it is also a sort of key…a most wretched little key that has kept a seal on me and my magic intact! By withdrawing the blade, you have broken that seal…"

"That's bull crap!" Navi huffed. "Like, seriously, that doesn't add up at all. Attack!"

Link nodded confidently. He charged forth, letting out a battle cry. In a minute of awesome, Ganondorf literally pwned Link using his mind, threw Link aside with a back handed slap, and pointed one of his two katana at Link's neck.

"The scimitars your people used were cooler," Navi said.

Ganondorf pointed the second blade at Navi. "I'm taking care of _you_ next."

"Wait, what is going on?" Link let out. "I was just taking out your gigantic bird monster, but you toss me aside like a rag doll?"

"Actually, your sister took out the—"

"Shut. _Up._"

"You cannot defeat me with a blade that does not sparkle with the power to repel evil!" Ganondorf declared.

"This thing can get even _shinier_?" Link gasped.

"Yay, sparkles!" Ivan flew out of Link's hat.

"What you hold is useless," Ganondorf snarled. "Go back to the world below, and tell that to the pathetic fools who made this blade! Its power is gone, and its edges are dull!"

Ganondorf raised his sword.

"Wait! No! You don't wanna do that!" Link stuttered. "You'll get my blood all over the floor! Especially the carpet! Do you realize how hard bloodstains are to remove?!"

Ganondorf paused. "I never thought of that. Hmm…"

Ganondorf began to ponder possible methods of residue containment when Tetra leapt in through the window. She lunged at the man, scrambling on top of him. She pounded on his back with her fists, clawed at his eyes, and bit his ear. Ganondorf soon managed to hurl Tetra off of him. She negated her fall by doing a double backflip onto her feet.

"Link! Get up!" Tetra turned to him.

"I second that notion!" Navi buzzed up and down. "Kick his butt already!"

"And why is this girl, whom I met unconscious in a tree, more pwnsome than I am?" Link protested.

Ganondorf seized Tetra and lifted her into the air. He began crushing her windpipe; his hand spanning her neck with ease.

"Uhh! Stop!" Tetra squirmed. "Let…Let me go!"

"You pathetic little sea rat!" Ganondorf snarled.

"Link, what happened to the whole 'get up and kick his butt' notion?" Navi grumbled.

"But this rug is comfy," Link lay sprawled out on the floor.

"Weee!" Ivan rolled around in the rug.

Navi face palmed. She looked up and saw both Ganondorf and Tetra staring at them.

"D-Don't mind us," Navi sighed heavily. "This is, strangely, normal."

After a pause, Ganondorf and Tetra's eyes met again. Ganondorf raised his hand at her, probably to cast some sort of powerful spell. He stopped, however, when he noticed something golden dangled on Tetra's necklace. A mark on the back of his hand glowed.

"!?" Ganondorf…exclaimed?

Ganondorf reached forward to touch the pendant, when a demonic gleam appeared in Tetra's eye.

"Touch. That. And. **Die.**" Tetra growled.

Ganondorf stared at Tetra, then at the pendant, then back at her growing glare of displeasure. A smile emerged on his face.

"My Triforce of Power is resonating!" Ganondorf exclaimed. "Ha! At long last, I have found you…Princess Zelda!"

Ganondorf burst into roars of laughter. Tetra dangled limply in his hand.

"I don't care what the %&#$ you call me," Tetra's glare didn't waver, "but touch my bling and I will **end** you."

"Who?" Link blinked.

"Z-Zelda?!" Navi let out. "_She's _Zelda? _She's_ the descendant of that jewelry obsessed freak?!"

"Yay, Zelda!" Ivan cheered.

Navi paused.

"You know, now that I think about it…that makes _waaaay_ too much sense…" Navi pondered aloud.

"Excellent," Ganondorf could almost explode from glee. "All three possessors of the Triforce are all in the same room. It is almost too good to be true!"

"Seriously, what is with you, Navi, and the triumph forks—ack!" Link let out.

Ganondorf looked over. The spot where Link and his two fairies had previously been, was nothing but an empty space. Stray feathers floated down.

"Gwah!"

Ganondorf turned back to the pirate he was strangling. He stared blankly at his empty hand.

Ganondorf raised an eyebrow. "Strange… I thought my grip was tighter than that."

The loud beating of wings was heard nearby. Ganondorf turned around. The Helmaroc King had already been taken care of, so…

He met eye to eye with Valoo.

"Son of a Stalfos," Ganondorf grumbled.

Valoo torched the wooden pirate ship abode to kingdom come. Quill and Komali flew off carrying Link and Tetra; the fairies both clinging to Quill's tunic.

"Wee hee hee! I'm flying! I'm actually flying this time!" Link giggled with excitement.

"Shut up!" Navi, Quill, and Komali bellowed.

* * *

Cherry-sama: Whoo hoo! Finally got that chapter out of the way!

WW Link: I thought you said, off screen, that you were looking forward to this chapter.

Cherry-sama: I was until I started writing it. Don't ask; I don't understand it either.

Navi: So, what's the chapter question this time?

Cherry-sama: Actually, it's not my question this time, but one of the reviewers!

OoT Link: Say what now?

Cherry-sama: One reviewer, who signed her name as Dia, suggested that I pick a question or two from the readers and answer it at the beginning and at the end of chapters. And, frankly, I think it's a good idea!

Navi: So the readers pick the chapter questions?

Cherry-sama: Something like that. So, I guess this chapter's question is what do you, the readers, think? And if you like the idea, what kind of questions do you want to ask?

OoT Link: This sounds like it could be fun!

Navi: You think everything sounds fun.

Ivan: I think it's like a field of daisies too!

Navi: Ivan, you're not helping.

Cherry-sama: In regards to that critique I mentioned in the beginning, keep 'em coming! If you think that this story could be better in any way, shape, or form, I'd love to hear it. I am still learning, after all.

Navi: You didn't really act on the reviewer's critique of 'your self-insertions and fourth wall jokes are getting annoying'.

Cherry-sama: Eh heh, trust me, there were a _lot _of fourth wall jokes I left out in this chapter. And yeah, I do break the fourth wall too much. But now I'll try and cut back on those jokes, and save the better ones for the bloopers. As for the other part, well, I do try and keep the self-insertion to a minimum. I did it a lot more in my old fics.

WW Link: That's nice? We don't care?

Cherry-sama: Also, while I don't respond to many of them, I do read each and every review I get. I would honestly love to hear more about what you guys think and suggestions you may have on how I can improve. After all, I _do _want to become a comic artist someday, but in order to make good comics, I need to know how to write a good story as well. And, to tell you the truth, I probably wouldn't have gotten this far in the Totally Series if it wasn't for all of your guy's support over the years.

Navi: You sap.

WW Link: And I thought the readers said to keep the serious moments to a minimum.

Cherry-sama: Er, right. Here, have Aryll say something funny!

Aryll: Seagull aviancide, here I come!

Cherry-sama: See? Hilarious. Anyway, please review!


	20. Chapter 13: WHO?

**Chapter 13 (And now to fill up this plot hole while creating others.)**

**Disclaimer: .cifnaf gnol ylsuolucidir siht etorw ohw nosrep eht morf gnimoc si siht dnA .sdnah ruoy no emit hcum oot yaw evah uoy taht em sllet hcihw ,retpahc eht gnidaer ni gnitanitsarcorp ylsuoivbo era uoy ,siht gnidaer era uoy fI .cifnaf siht ni denoitnem esle gnihtyna ro rekaW dniW :adleZ fo dnegeL eht nwo ton od I**

* * *

Cherry-sama: Hey, guys!

WW Link: You are a shame to your readers.

Cherry-sama: Is this about my slow update again?

WW Link: Yes.

Cherry-sama: I have a life too, you know. It mainly involves school and deviantart, but I do try and update this as often as I can.

Navi: We'll believe it when we see it.

Cherry-sama: _(nervous) _Eh heh heh… Ahem. Anyway, as the previous chapter question stated, we've got some advice and questions from the readers! _(pulls out piece of paper)_ These questions are for Navi, WW Link, and Sue Belle!

Sue Belle: _(leaps in from backstage) _Oh! I got a question!

Navi: Oh boy.

Cherry-sama: First one is for Navi. Dia asks how you are able to put up with Ivan.

Navi: I…I… I DON'T KNOOOWWW! _(cries into OoT Link's shoulder)_

OoT Link: Uhhh… o_O

Cherry-sama: Erm, next up is also from Dia! To WW Link!

WW Link: And?

Cherry-sama: She says that you should stop trying to be brave, and that twelve isn't a manly age.

WW Link: Is too!

Cherry-sama: Is not.

WW Link: Is too!

Cherry-sama: Is not.

WW Link: Well, I'd like to see _her _defeat an army of ferocious, rabid Bokoblins!

Cherry-sama: Link, don't insult the reviewers. They're awesome. _(rolls eyes and continues)_ Dia also asks Sue Belle what would happen if all your pots were mysteriously broken.

Sue Belle: _(stands there in shock, eyes watering)_

Cherry-sama: Sue Belle?

Sue Belle: _(pulls out a shot gun and charges off into the distance)_ I'VE HAAADDD ITTTT!

Cherry-sama: We have another Aryll on Outset, apparently. o_o

WW Link: _(hides for dear life)_

Cherry-sama: And we have one more question from IsabelleAuthor, but we'll get to that after the chapter's over. In the meantime, please read!

* * *

At the Tower of the Gods, Link, Navi, and Ivan stared at an unconscious Tetra in the boat. Nearby, Quill and Komali flew in midair, with Valoo perching on the ring by the tower's base. Link sighed.

"It's…all right, Link," Quill panted. "She has merely…lost consciousness."

"Still…" Link rummaged through his pockets. "Just to be sure…"

Link pulled out his Spoils Bag and rummaged through it. He reemerged with a Joy Pendant. Link glanced into the bag. Eight more Joy Pendants flew out. Link shut his bag.

"It's official, you have too many of those," Navi said.

Link paused and shook his head. Link dangled the Joy Pendant he held over Tetra. Tetra's eyes burst open. She latched onto the Joy Pendant, and clung to it possessively. DUH DUH DUH NUUUUUUHHHH! Tetra got a Joy Pendant. Even though it's not as shiny as her triumph forks.

"Okay, yeah, she's fine," Link shrugged.

"She really is descended from the Princess," Navi paused.

"Yay, Zelda!" Ivan cheered.

"Your sister…she has escaped the Forsaken Fortress…with the pirates," Komali huffed. "You can…relax. She's…she's safe now."

Link raised an eyebrow. "Um, Komali? Do you _know_ about Aryll? Or have the Rito kept you in the dark?"

"Stop…talking…to me," Komali heaved. "It's hard…to speak…while airborne."

Link shrugged and turned around. He jumped. Tetra loomed over him and pointed an accusing finger an inch from his nose.

"While I do appreciate the shiny, what in the name of plunder is going on?" Tetra huffed.

"Shiny?" Link looked confused.

"Shiny!" Ivan confirmed.

"The big dragon over there set Forsaken Fortress on fire," Navi explained.

Tetra looked up at Valoo. Valoo waved back.

"_Hel_lo," Tetra's eyes widened and she took a step back.

"And you are Zelda, apparently," Navi continued.

"Augh, again? Why do I keep hearing that, all of a sudden?" Tetra tapped her foot.

"Yeah, um, see, Zelda's kind of, um, what the franchise is named after," Link paused. "I'm surprised that the name hasn't come up earlier."

"Bah, whatever, where's my ship?" Tetra looked around.

"That's a good question," Navi admitted. "You'd expect the pirates to come and collect their captain. What? Were two Rito following a flying dragon hard to miss?"

"Speaking…of…which," Quill puffed.

Quill bent over and reached into his bag with beak. Quill pulled out a letter and handed it to Tetra. It was addressed to her, with a skull and crossed swords printed in the corner.

"They…gave me this…when we arrived…at the…fortress," Quill breathed heavily.

"This had better not be the Black Spot," Tetra grumbled.

Tetra ripped open the letter. Link peaked over her shoulder.

'_I'm sorry, Miss.  
We've had it.  
It was cute at first, but then your obsession with plunder just got out of hand. So we think it's time ya took a break from all this pirating, for your own good.  
I hope this vacation you take will help ya realize the err in your ways.  
In the meantime, that Link kid's sister has offered to take your place while you're gone. So you don't have ta worry 'bout us slacking off.  
Perhaps this time off will be a good for all of us.  
Best of luck on your recovery  
Senza, Zuko, Mako, Gonzo, and Nudge' _it read.

"Strange how Niko didn't sign," Navi was apparently reading too.

"Oh Zephos," Link gulped. "Aryll…with _capable_ minions."

Link turned to Tetra, whose face was red as fire and smoke ready to pour out of her ears. Tetra began banging her foot on the boat in a way that Link found somewhat familiar… DUH DUH DUH NUUUUUUHHHH! Tetra activated Sturgeon RAGE!

"Those no good, land lubbering, ungrateful, anti-jewelry, sons of sharks!" Tetra bellowed. "How dare they?! And what do they mean by 'recovery'?! There's nothing wrong with me!"

Link whistled innocently.

"You know what? Fine! Fine! I'll have their stupid 'time off', only I won't come back until they beg for forgiveness!" Tetra barked.

"I don't think that'll work," Link paused. "Something tells me that we won't be seeing the pirate ship again until the ending credits, no matter where in the Great Sea we visit."

"GAH!" Tetra let out. "How can my day get any worse?!"

There was a long pause.

"Hey! Valoo! How's it goin'?" Link chuckled nervously.

Valoo responded in that strange old language that Link didn't know a word of.

"He says he's fine," Navi said.

…That Navi knew, somehow.

"Anyway, Valoo, your timing was perfect," Navi turned to Valoo. "So, um, thanks."

Valoo said something in the old tongue again. Though, Link managed to make out the word 'Ganon'.

"—dorf!" Ivan let out.

"Grr… Ivan, yes, we _get it,_" Navi sighed. "His name is Ganon_dorf_. You don't need to bring it up every time his name is said, okay?"

"Okay, Navi, I'll stop dorfing," Ivan nodded.

There was a silence.

"Wow, it was that simple?" Link blinked.

"I would have asked him to stop a long time ago if I knew that was all it took," Navi paused.

Valoo coughed. Embers landed in the waves below.

"Right, now back to business," Navi continued. "So, in regards to Ganon…"

"—dorf," Link added.

There was a pause.

"Sorry, that was reflexive," Link said.

"Uh huh…" Navi paused. "Anyway, as you said, Valoo, Ganon—"

"—dorf," Link said. "Crap, sorry."

Navi rolled her eyes. "—is made of a lot stronger stuff than I seem to remember. Heck, even in my day, he was able to walk into an active volcano and revive an evil dragon."

Valoo looked quite hurt.

"Erm, no offense," Navi coughed. "I'm just saying that torching the guy probably won't do the trick. But we've taken down his fort, his bird—"

"His Gary Stu," Link added.

"…his Gary Stu, and a sizable number of his minions, so, at the very least, we've hindered his operations significantly," Navi added. "But that's not going to slow him down forever."

Valoo nodded in agreement.

"Yet I thought our first priority should be to separate these two from Ganon's grasp."

"—dorf," Navi said. "Crap, now I'm doing it too. And Ivan, please don't interrupt."

Navi turned around. Ivan was sitting on Link's shoulder, perfectly fine.

"Wait, you're not having an O.N.A. right now?" Navi asked. "Then where did that voice come from?"

Everyone looked around. There was no one else in sight.

"Huh, weird," Link paused.

"Look…can we…go now?" Komali groaned. "I think…I'm…gonna…pass out…"

Valoo nodded, saying something in the old language. The dragon and Rito flew off.

"So, basically…" Tetra spoke up, "that Ganon—"

"—dorf," Link and Navi said in unison, and then Navi let out a: "Gah!"

"…Ganondorf guy wants Zelda, and he thinks Zelda is me," Tetra finished.

"That's what I've been able to piece together," Link shrugged.

"Right, brilliant," Tetra rolled her eyes. "Well, my mother gave me my name and I'm not quite ready to believe that it isn't 'Tetra'."

"Either way, we should try to find a good hideout for you," Navi said. "Ganondorf seemed quite determined to strangle you, after all."

Tetra pulled out her Sea Chart.

"Point taken. Hm…" she paused. "How does Needle Rock Island sound?"

"How come everybody knows how to get that thing out but me?!" Link let out.

"You press up on the D-Pad, duh," Tetra rolled her eyes, then turned to Navi. "Any objections to Needle Rock?"

"Yeah, it's too close to Greatfish," Navi said. "And we all know what happened there. How about—"

"Look at all the pretty colours!" Ivan exclaimed.

Link, Tetra, and Navi turned to see what Ivan was looking at. There was a ring of bright light in the waves.

"Or…that works too," Navi raised an eyebrow.

"Wait, where does that go?" Tetra asked. "Heck, when did it even get there?"

"We must go and meet the red lion!" Ivan proclaimed.

Everyone raised an eyebrow at Ivan. Ivan nodded sagely.

"I have a weird feeling about this," Link paused.

Link and his companions sailed the boat into the ring of light.

* * *

Some buoyancy defying later…

"That was the weirdest thing I have ever felt ever," Tetra looked slightly ill. "Just… We…breathed _water?_"

"The first time I came down here, I was too busy panicking—er, _calmly observing _that I wasn't drowning," Link realized. "But, now that you mention it…"

"But we're like fishies with wingies right now!" Ivan enthused.

"Come to think of it," Navi paused. "The ocean is where fish and other animals spend their entire lives. Not to mention where they relieve themselves."

Everyone gagged.

"Ewww!" Tetra spluttered. "And I _breathed _that stuff?!"

"Ugh! Gross!" Link coughed.

"Well, it's too late now!" Navi let out. "We can't exactly spit out what we inhaled!"

"S-so," Tetra regained her composure somewhat, "where are we exactly?"

Link looked around. They had landed in the pond in the castle…on the bottom of the ocean. Link bit his lip. This would be hard to explain.

"Um, kind of like an underwater kingdom," Link tried to explain.

Tetra raised an eyebrow.

"It's where I got this sword," Link sighed.

"Oh, okay," Tetra shrugged. "Hey, can I maybe borrow that later—?"

Link's pocket started vibrating.

"Dang it, Tetra!" Link glared at his pocket. "Will you stop calling me!?"

Link looked up. Tetra did not look pleased.

"Oh, then, uh, who could that be?" Link asked.

"Yeah, thanks to make use of, you know, the piece of precious stone I gave you," Tetra glared daggers at Link.

Link pulled out the Gossip Speck. Weak light radiated off of it.

"Link! What are you doing?" a voice demanded. "You must come n—!"

"Um…okay?" Link asked.

"Who is using that stone…?" Tetra muttered.

"Actually, that's what I'd like to know, too," Navi blinked. "Who the crap is that?"

"It's the red lion!" Ivan exclaimed.

"Shut it, Ivan. Now is not the time."

"Just who are you?" Tetra's tone alone could have made Link tremble. "Link and I are the only ones who can speak through this stone! How dare you use what's not yours?!"

"…Your name is Tetra, correct?" the stone asked. "You must come with Link to see me at once!"

"Oh, no you don't!" Tetra seized the floating shard. "I want answers! Anyone who touches my bling without my permission has a death wish, and you're pretty much dancing on the plank right now! If I find you, I'm going t—"

Link held Tetra back. "We're coming, we're coming. Just please don't let this escalate to violence. I've seen enough of that with my sister…"

With that, the Gossip Speck fell to the bottom of the boat. It clattered out of its strings.

"Hmph!" Tetra grumbled. "Well, don't _you_ sound important!"

"Why do I get this feeling that he is?" Link raised an eyebrow.

"Link, what are you waiting for?!" Tetra snapped her head around. "You heard the gem! You're supposed to show me how to get to where that voice is!"

"Cinnamon buns want red lions?" Ivan asked.

"What, you think I know?!" Link protested. "I'm just as lost as you are!"

"Oh, don't give me that excuse!" Tetra hissed. "My crew has tried to pull that one on me a thousand times! You know exactly where that jewelry box disappeared to!"

"Look, you two, I'm willing to bet that the voice is in the castle somewhere," Navi said, "otherwise, that would just be cruel on the game designer's part."

"Bet? How much?" a mischievous grin emerged on Tetra's face.

"It's just an expression!" Navi huffed. "Anyway, let's get our act together and find some place where you can lay low."

Tetra hopped out of the boat. "Not just yet. I'm finding that burglar. This is personal."

Adventurer Link's Status:  
Infatuation decreased by 3 points.  
Fear of Tetra increased by 40 points.  
Compliance Mode Activated.

"O-okay?" Link gulped.

Satisfied with his response, Tetra stormed into the castle.

"Was the other princess this…you know…" Link whispered to Navi.

"Worse," Navi whispered back.

"Are we part of a special club now?" Ivan joined in.

There was a pause.

"Let's just go find the source of the voice," Navi sighed.

Link hopped out of the boat, and the two fairies followed him into the castle.

* * *

Link entered once again to the large, empty castle. Everything had remained in colour after what he had done last time, and no monsters had moved in. This was both good and bad, since he couldn't show off how awesome he was in front of the pirate. Everything was still in shambles, though. The torn tapestries, the broken railings… The only thing that seemed intact in the entire place was that large statue of himself.

The large statue… Link turned to Navi. She had gone quiet.

"Hey," Link said. "You gonna be okay?"

"Y-Yeah," Navi slowly nodded. "Don't w-worry about me. I'll be fine."

Link paused, but then looked away. "If you're sure."

"Navi?" Ivan flew up. "What does an uncurled cinnamon bun look like?"

"Gaah, Ivan, you are such a mood killer," Navi groaned. "Well, right now, I suppose that's a good thing."

"An uncurled cinnamon bun?" Link raised an eyebrow. "Um, it would just be flat dough, right? With spices?"

"Link, I can't believe you're actually considering what he's—" Navi rolled her eyes.

"Does it look like that?" Ivan pointed to a painting on the wall.

Link gazed up at the painting. It was a picture of six men, and a young girl in a princess dress. Zelda, Link deduced. And was it just him, or did that one man look kinda like Niko…?

Link saw Tetra gazing up at the painting as well. Link walked down to her. He gazed back up at the painting as if he was interested, then turned to her.

"Pssh," Link smirked. "I could have taken that better. With a Pictobox, that is. Speaking of which, want to see my collection—"

"These men…" Tetra paused. "…They look like my crew. Why do they look like my crew?"

"I dunno," Link shrugged. "Maybe you're all descended from—oh hey! I do know!"

"Cut it out!" Tetra huffed. "Look, I'm not a princess, okay? Sure, being a princess would have meant getting more jewelry a long time ago, but come on; I just need to raid other ships to get my fix. Do you think some stupid lineage crap is going to make me give that up and go into hiding?"

"I didn't say anything," Link backed away slowly.

There was a pause.

"You sure you don't want to see my collection?" Link pulled up his Pictobox. "This one was taken in this castle. When there were a whole bunch of monsters which I single-handedly defeated. Like a man."

"Well, I suppose that you did take down that giant bird by yourself," Tetra pondered.

"Yeaaahh, heh heh," Link chuckled nervously. "By myself. Completely alone."

"Maybe you are cut out for this after all," Tetra admitted.

"Don't encourage him!" Navi called out. "It only makes it worse!"

Link glared at Navi. "Say, Navi? Where has Ivan gone off to?"

"Son of a—!" Navi flew off. "I thought he would have learned by now—no, correction, Ivan never learns. Gah!"

Link faced Tetra, who had raised an eyebrow at the fairy flying away.

"So, you were saying?" Link smiled.

"I was finished," Tetra blushed and looked away. "You were kind of cool. That's all I wanted to say."

"Do I smell a _crush~?_" Link teased.

Tetra raised a fist. "Do I smell a fist in your _face~?_"

Adventurer Link's Status:  
Manliness decreased by 25%.  
Attraction to Tetra increased by 300 points.  
Compliance Mode Reactivated.

"N-no," Link gulped.

"That's what I thought," Tetra lowered her fist. "Now, are you going to show me where that voice is or not?"

"Y-Yeah," Link coughed. "I mean, yes. Now, let's just see if the fairies have—"

"There's nobody over here!" Navi called out from the other end of the room. "There's just a weird barrier outside and putting the guy behind the wall would just be evil on the Game Designer's part. Plus, I've got a feeling that the person is hiding in that secret basement we found last time."

"It's him!" Ivan exclaimed.

Everyone turned to the painting on the other wall of an old man none of them recognized.

"Uhh…" Navi paused. "Good for you."

"Come on, buddy," Tetra grabbed Link by the collar. "I've got a score to settle."

With next to no resistance, Link followed Tetra's lead and went down the stairs.

"…I wish I could get him to listen to me that easily," Navi sighed.

The fairies followed.

* * *

Link trotted down the stairs to keep in time with Tetra's striding. Link glanced disinterestedly at the stained glass windows, now in full colour (including the one he broke). He raised an eyebrow. The people in the windows…were two of them naked?

He crashed into Tetra when she stopped unexpectedly. There, where the Master Sword was once on display, was a tall man, dressed in red and white.

Link's jaw hung open. "Santa?!"

"Er, no," the man coughed, without turning around.

"Are you him? Are you the one who was speaking through my stone without my permission?" Tetra yelled. "Answer me!"

"This stone is an enhanced version of the Gossip Stones long spoken of in the legends of the Hyrulian Royal Family," the man said. "I am the one who made it."

"So you _did _steal it!" Tetra shot a glare.

"No, I just said that—"

"DIE!"

Tetra leapt through the air and pounced on the man. Link watched as she pulled his hair, bit his ear, and clawed at his eyes.

"Burglar! Thief! Jewelry hoarder!" Tetra shrieked.

"She does realize all those words could be applied to her, right?" Navi asked.

"Ahhh," the man seemed unperturbed by this, "it's like I'm with my dear old daughter again…"

With two fingers, the man executed a decisive jab to her stomach. It knocked the wind right out of Tetra. Ivan started clapping.

"Can it, fish bait!" Tetra snarled, despite being keeled over.

"As I said before," the man calmly plucked Tetra off his shoulder and placed her on the ground, "I made the Gossip Stone many years ago. For my daughter, to be exact."

"Yaay! Zelda!" Ivan cheered.

"You made it? The royal family's Gossip Stone?" Tetra's glare didn't waver. "I'm sorry, but I have no idea what you're talking about. It's shiny and it's mine. And that's all I need to know."

"Erm…well…" the man pondered this. "Yes, it is shiny. Very very shiny. But that is not my point."

"You two wouldn't happen to be related, are you?" Link asked.

"Have neither of you have heard the tales? The tales of the kingdom spoken of in the legend of the great hero… The place where the power of the god lies hidden…" the man paused for dramatic effect. "This place, where the two of you now stand, is that kingdom. This is Hyrule…"

"Huh, yeah, I already kind of knew that," Link said. "This _is _Hyrule Castle, after all."

"Shh!" Navi let out.

"What?" Link asked.

"I'm finally going to find out what happened during my hibernation, so shh!" Navi snapped.

"And I am its king: Daphnes Nohansen Hyrule," the man turned around.

The man, King of Hyrule, turned around, revealing that he was the old man in the portrait upstairs. He looked at Link expectantly. Link stood there, looking extremely confused.

"Dang, you're old," Tetra looked still spiteful. "How are you still alive, even?"

"Shh!"

"Link, do you not recognize my voice?" the King chuckled. "Indeed, I am the one who guided you here. I am the King of Red Lions."

Link had no idea what to think at this point. "_WHO?!_"

There was a pause.

"You…you do not remember me?" the King blinked. "How does one go about forgetting a talking boat?"

"A talking boat?" Navi raised an eyebrow.

"Red lions!" Ivan cheered.

"…_Oh,_" the King paused. "But…then…how did you respond to my words when I guided you along your journeys?"

"But, I…_whaaat?!_" Link blinked.

"Look, sorry, old man. Hate to break it to you, but every boat we've ever met has been as dead as a doornail," Navi said. "The only time the boat looked like it was talking was when Ivan…was…"

Link and Navi turned to Ivan. Ivan hiccupped. The King of Hyrule, seeming to catch on, pulled out his microphone and poked it. Ivan twitched and emitted feedback. He spiraled to the floor.

"…_Oh._"

"So, wait," Navi paused, "this entire time, Ivan's O.N.A. was _you?_"

"Yes, apparently," the King sighed.

"Okay, now I've got a bone to pick with you," Navi grumbled.

"I was wondering why you often said that acronym when I spoke," the King of Hyrule pondered. "But, according to the company I bought it from, my voice was to come out of the ship's mouth, and move like it was talking…"

"First of all, why would you buy a boat like that?" Navi asked. "And second, who _sells _a boat like that?"

"Who sells a little girl a bazooka?" Link pointed out.

"All I can assume is that the model I bought was malfunctioned somehow, and my voice transferred into your friend," the King pondered.

"Sure, whatever, I'll buy it," Navi rolled her eyes. "I've heard weirder explanations for the crap that happens in this series."

"Look, this is nice and all," Tetra crossed her arms, "but can I get back to beating him up?"

"Not so fast," the King sighed. "Both of you must listen to me. Once, long ago, this land of Hyrule was turned into a world of shadows by Ganon—"

"—dorf," Navi and Link said in unison, then Navi said: "Dang it, Ivan!"

"Hiii~," Ivan waved.

"You find that to be quite a nuisance, do you not?" the King asked.

"Yes. Yes, we do," Navi said.

"Can you try saying his full name for now?" Link asked.

"As you wish," the King coughed. "Anyways, it was Ganon, er, dorf who sought to obtain the power of the gods for his own evil ends. My power alone could not stop the fiend, and our only choice was to leave the fate of the kingdom in the hands of the gods… When the gods heard our pleas, they chose to seal away not only Ganon…dorf, but Hyrule itself…and so, with a torrential downpour of rains from the heavens… Our fair kingdom was soon buried beneath the waves, forgotten at the bottom of the ocean. Yet all was not lost. For the gods knew that to seal away the people with the kingdom would be to grant Ganondorf's wish for the destruction of the land. So, before the sealing of the kingdom, the gods chose those who would build a new country and commanded them to take refuge on the mountaintops. Those people were your ancestors."

"The goddesses certainly have a round-about way of doing things," Navi huffed. "First they seal my Link away for seven years before letting us save the world, then they flood the world when we're gone? Wouldn't it just be easier to just strike Ganondorf down with lightning, have an unfortunately fatal fall, or something like that? He _is _their creation and if they told people to flee to the mountains, they obviously have no qualms about directly intervening."

"Yes, but Ganondorf has the Triforce of Power—" the King pointed out.

"The Triforce was formed in the spot where Din, Nayru, and Farore left Hyrule," Navi continued. "In essence, the Triforce is the goddesses' footprints'. Are you seriously telling me that they can't torch one guy who has a piece of their footprint?"

There was a long silence.

"Plot convenience!" Ivan hummed.

"If you don't mind," the King of Hyrule crossed his arms, "I may not understand the goddesses' methods, but I do have a story to finish."

"Sorry, go ahead," Navi said.

"Ahem," the King cleared his throat. "Hundreds of years have passed since then... So long as Ganondorf was not revived, Hyrule would remained below never waking from its slumber."

The King turned to Link. His jaw hung open. The King faced Tetra beside him.

"Tetra, let me see your necklace," he said.

Tetra clung to it possessively. "First that Ganondorf creep, now you? I knew this was just some elaborate heist to steal my bling!"

The King sighed and held out his hand. The golden ornament of the pendant appeared, floating above his palm.

"Oh, no, you **didn't!**" Tetra shrieked.

Tetra charged towards Daphnes. Before she could attack him once more, however, the King held up his other hand, and another piece of identical gold. This caught Tetra off guard. She stared in bewilderment.

"The necklace you wear is part of a sacred treasure called the Triforce of Wisdom, which has been passed down for many ages within the royal family of Hyrule," the King explained. "Your mother passed this down to you and instructed you to treasure it and guard it with your life."

"Of course she did! It's treasure, dang it!" Tetra's rage rekindled. "And give it back already!"

"In a minute," the King said. "The Triforce of Wisdom is none other than the sacred power of the gods that we have kept from Ganondorf's clutches for so many long years. The gods placed upon your ancestors the task of protecting it from evil's grasp. You, too, must abide by the laws of the past…and so the time has come for me to teach you the fate into which you were born, the very reason that you live."

"I already know my reason for living," Tetra growled. "To live and breathe treasure! Now give it ba—"

A blinding flash of light cut Tetra short when the two pieces in Daphnes' hands combined and formed into a single golden triangle. Link covered his eyes. He gasped when they reopened. Tetra stood, with her hair down, wearing a pink dress resembling the one in the painting. Tetra, or rather, Zelda looked at down at her hand. The symbol of the Triforce appeared, with the Triforce of Wisdom lit up.

"Yaay! Uncurled cinnamon buns!" Ivan cheered.

"You are the true heir of the royal family of Hyrule…the last link in the bloodline," the King said. "You are Princess Zelda."

"NO! NO! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!" Tetra clawed furiously at the back of her hand. "HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET IT OUT?! I WANTED TO SNUGGLE IT THIS AFTERNOON!"

After several protests and squirming, the King managed to get Zelda to stop trying to rip her hand apart.

"Think of it this way, deary," the King smiled. "Now no one will ever be able to take it from you unless they assemble all three people who hold the Triforce, or chop off you hand."

Zelda's bottom lip started quivering and she stared off into space, looking like she was about to cry.

"I suppose such is to be expected," the King sighed.

"And the other princess was…?" Link whispered.

"Still worse," Navi whispered back.

"Link!" the King turned to Link. "I am terribly sorry that you have been caught up in these events. But now that it is known that Tetra is indeed Princess Zelda…Ganondorf will be searching frantically for this child in an attempt to get the power of the gods she possesses."

"Hey, we're the same age!" Link protested. "She's not a child, she's a woman! Show some respect!"

The King pointed to Zelda. Zelda had pulled off her glove and cradled the back of her hand, singing quietly.

"…She may be a little weird, but she's still a woman," Link crossed his arms.

"As I was saying," the King sighed, "Ganondorf will not rest until he has found her. If he succeeds, my ancient kingdom under the sea will be turned into a land of shadow and despair…and so will the world you know above the waves."

"All because the goddesses couldn't torch a guy with a piece of their footprint," Navi muttered.

"No, silly, foots are not forks," Ivan stuck out his tongue affectionately.

"Maybe that Zora guitarist was right," Navi paused. "I think you_ are_ on something."

"Link, I need you to lend me your strength in this dark hour. I have a suspicion about what has caused the Master Sword to lose its power," the King added. "I need for you to come with me back to the lands above the water and return the power to repel evil to the Master Sword!"

"But I was going to go home to my Grandma and stop Aryll from executing seagulls everywhere!" Link protested, then added: "Not necessarily in that order, though."

"Uh, Link, this sounds important," Navi said. "Like, preventing worldwide destruction important. I think your Grandma and sister can wait."

"B-but soup…" Ivan sounded deeply disappointed.

"Are you kidding me?" Link asked. "The ecosystem will be thrown into chaos if we don't do something about Aryll!"

"Well, I can almost guarantee that it's gonna take a lot longer and be a lot harder to commit mass aviancide on all reaches of the Great Sea," Navi snapped. "I think stopping the balding monkey takes priority right now!"

"Okay, okay, fine!" Link let out. "But if the world is destroyed because we didn't stop Aryll, don't say I didn't warn you!"

Link turned to Daphnes and Zelda. They stared at him blankly.

"Wow, your family has issues," Zelda said.

"I _knoooow!_" Link sobbed into his hands.

Princess Zelda's Status:  
Attraction to Link decreased by 800 points.  
Pity increased by 2 points.  
Ability to contain laughter dropped to 5%.

"Zelda…" the King turned to Zelda "It is far too dangerous for you to join us in this task. Fortunately, this sacred chamber is not yet known to Ganon."

"—dorf," Zelda said. "Huh, even I'm doing it now."

"It is my wish that you wait here in hiding until we return, Link!" the King exclaimed. "We must go!"

With that, the King disappeared. Zelda gasped and Link ran over to her.

"He's a teleporting talking boat!" Ivan exclaimed.

"Wha…?" Navi turned around.

Link and Zelda faced the stairway, which the King was now standing. Showing off his teleportation skills, the King warped to various places on the stairs and vanished by the door.

"…That's it," Zelda groaned. "I have no idea what's going on anymore."

"Trust me, we feel like that all the time," Navi sighed.

"But… Look, um…Link…" Zelda looked away. "I don't know how to say this. Everything that's happened to you and your, er, _strange_ sister, it's all been my fault. …I'm so sorry."

"Uh, no it hasn't," Link raised an eyebrow. "If anything, it's my sister that's to blame for waging war on the seagulls. She never would have gotten kidnapped by the Seagull King, and I wouldn't have needed to go out and save her."

"I wouldn't be so sure about that, Link," Navi said.

"I'm trying to apologize!" Zelda smacked Link over the top of the head.

"Sorry, sorry, your apology is accepted," Link winced.

"Good," Zelda smiled, then turned to her hand. "Ugh, this thing is impossible to get out."

Zelda's eyes brimmed with tears at the reminder.

"I know what you mean," Navi huffed. "It took me forever to get mine out, too."

"Huh?" Link blinked.

"Navi's the Hero of Time," Ivan explained.

"Actually, he's right for once," Navi said. "Thank you, Ivan. Anyways, I'll explain later."

"Right," Link nodded.

"So, Link," Zelda leaned up against Link's shoulder, "speaking of things to talk about later, when are you going to lend me that pearl?"

"Pearl?" Link blinked.

"You know exactly what I mean," Zelda glared at Link. "You said I could pet that pearl, and since my shiniest bling is trapped in the back of my hand, I want something to preoccupy my time down here."

"But you're wearing a necklace and a tiara thing," Link pointed out.

"Oy, deal's a deal," Zelda held out her hand expectantly. "Now fork it over."

"Right, um," Link bit his lip, "about that. I don't exactly…_have it _anymore."

"And what do you mean by that?!" Zelda snapped.

"It exploded," Navi said.

"_Navi!_" Link said in a harsh whisper.

"What? It's true."

Link glanced over at Zelda. Her demonic aura alone could kill a guy.

"No! It's not what it sounds like! I swear!" Link spluttered. "I put it in the statues' hands and it—"

"You…"

Link gulped.

"…are so…"

Link took a couple steps back.

"…DEAD!"

Link bolted with Zelda in close pursuit. Navi grabbed Ivan and flew through the doorway as Link ran up the stairs. Clinging to his hat for dear life, Link sped off through the doorway.

* * *

Link sprinted up the second flight of stairs. Clambering out of the way, the large statue of himself rumbled and sealed the path behind him. Ominous banging radiated from below the statue. Link collapsed and sprawled out on the floor.

Adventurer Link's Status:  
Terror increased by 65 points.  
Adrenaline in system at 85%.  
Attraction to Tetra increased by 777.

"…And your Link's Zelda was still worse?" Link panted.

"Actually, they're about equal right now…" Navi admitted.

"But now we can see our lion mathingy and fly up to the sky and unicorgi through time!" Ivan piped up.

Link and Navi stared as Ivan flew backwards in a contorted line while muttering 'nyan' repetitively.

"Link, you don't know any doctors, do you?" Navi asked.

"Sturgeon might have a Ph.D. tacked to his wall," Link replied.

Ivan stopped what he was doing temporarily, as if he had just realized something. He resumed his dance again, while glowing various colours.

"Okay, we _really _need to find Saria," Navi said. "She's the only one who knows how to put up with him."

"Um, isn't she dead?" Link asked.

"What makes you say that?" Navi asked.

Link pointed at his statue.

"Saria's a Kokiri and Kokiri are immortal," Navi stated. "I thought I already told you this. Plus, don't you remember the story the Great Deku Tree Sprout told you?"

"I remember that it was the weirdest story ever," Link admitted.

"Whatever," Navi sighed, "the fact that the Koroks are still disfigured Kokiri because of Saria tells me that nothing has killed her off. Either that, or the Koroks and their fairies are so screwed."

"I know where Saria is!" Ivan flew over.

Link and Navi turned to Ivan, staring at him in disbelief.

Navi went wide eyed. "_You __**do**__?_"

"Of course I do!" Ivan nodded. "I told me that I moved her to the game where nobody likes him."

There was a long pause. Navi flew over to the nearest wall and banged her head against it. It began to crack.

"Why…do…I…" Navi said in time with the banging, "…keep…putting…my faith…in…him…?"

"Hey, come on, Navi," Link sat up. "You don't have to be so mean. Besides, if you think about a lot of what Ivan says, then it actually makes a bit of sense."

"Like a grain of salt," Navi stopped and groaned.

"No, more than that," Link said. "Remember when we were looking for the king?"

"That was only, what, half an hour ago?" Navi flew over slowly. "Of course I remember!"

"Then you'll remember that Ivan pointed to that painting up there, saying 'it's him'," Link recalled.

Navi looked up at the painting. "Your point?"

"Look, just don't be so harsh on him," Link sighed. "Sure, he's weird, but he may have something important to say."

Navi looked over at Ivan. Ivan was strumming his finger over his lips and making weird noises.

"…You're not serious, are you?" Navi asked.

"Navi_,_" Link gave Navi an annoyed look.

"B-but it's _Ivan_," Navi added. "You can't seriously be stupid enough to think—!"

"_Navi,_" Link tapped his foot.

"Look, I'm…I'm sorry, okay?!" Navi sighed. "Maybe I have been too harsh on him. Maybe I've been too harsh on you, too. I…I just…"

Navi looked up at Link's statue. She turned away from the two.

"Give me some time to think," she flew off.

Link's gaze lingered on her, but then he stood up. Ivan flew up to him.

"Awww…" Ivan frowned. "But I was going to sing her the song I just wrote: Mt. Bubblestein."

Ivan began singing as he strummed his index finger over his lips again. Link sighed and lightly put his hand over Ivan.

* * *

Link and Ivan walked outside, to where they had parked the boat.

"Why isn't Navi here?" Ivan looked around.

"It's hard to explain…" Link scratched his head. "I'm not sure I completely understand it myself, even."

"Navi's staying with cinnamon bun candy apple?" Ivan asked.

"No, no, of course not," Link smiled. "They'd be at each other's throats by the end of the hour. Navi is coming with us, but right now she—"

"She's sad?" Ivan paused.

"…Yeah," Link nodded.

Link looked over to the King of Hyrule who wore a dirty apron, rolled up his sleeves, and held a large wrench. The King seemed to make some finishing touches, none of which were visible from Link's angle. The King stood up.

"Your timing is impeccable," the King nodded. "I believe that the boat should be fully operational now."

"Great," Link smiled.

The King stared at Ivan. "Were there not two of them before? Or did my eyes deceive me?"

"Huh? Oh. No," Link shrugged. "Navi needed some time by herself."

"Not too much, I hope," the King sighed. "We do not know how much time we have to spare, but I am certain it is not long."

"Yeah," Link said. "Also, um, about Tetra, she, er, you might not want to go down there for a while…"

"You need not be concerned for my wellbeing. Focus on the task at hand. Hyrule, and the world above, is counting on you," the King put his hand on Link's shoulder, reassuringly. "But do not worry. I am sure that the goddesses are with us."

Link raised an eyebrow. "Uhhh… Thanks…"

Seemingly satisfied, the King wandered back into the castle.

"…guy," Link paused.

"What was that all about?" a voice came from behind.

Link turned around to see Navi coming up behind them.

"Oh, the king guy fixed the boat, apparently," Link pointed to the boat.

"Navi!" Ivan cheered.

Ivan went up and hugged Navi. Navi barely reacted. They all fell quiet.

"Er, we should get going," Link pointed to the boat.

"Yeah! Yeah," Navi chuckled nervously, "yes, we should."

Ivan looked at Navi, then at Link, and back at Navi again. He let go, and the three of them headed to the little red boat.

* * *

An uncomfortable silence followed them to the surface. None of them spoke as their heads reemerged from the salt water, or when the ring of light faded from around them. The head of the boat spun around and looked at them.

"Link, listen well…" the boat's mouth moved as if it was actually speaking.

"Holy crap!" Navi jumped back in surprise.

"Uaaahhh!" Link let out.

"Red Lion King!" Ivan danced.

Ivan began to sing old Disney classics.

"The fact that the Master Sword—"

"HIYA!" Navi let out.

Navi reflexively karate chopped the plank of wood connecting the head to the main boat. There was a loud 'crack!', followed by a sharp 'zap!', and there was a bright spark. The carved statue's expression went deadpan and smoke seeped out of the 'mouth'. Ivan went in experimentally, then flew out, coughing. Link and Navi stared in silence.

"Thank you for rendering my tinkering meaningless," Ivan jolted.

"S-s-sorry," Navi gulped. "It's just that…"

"Never mind," Ivan groaned while jittering. "Now, as I was saying, the fact that the Master Sword lost the power to repel evil suggests to me that something has happened to the sages who infused the blade with the gods' power. The sages should be in Hyrule…in the Wind Temple to the north and the Earth Temple to the south, praying to the gods. You must head for these two temples to see what has happened to the sages and attempt to find a way to recover the power to repel evil."

"But why did we need to go to the surface?" Link asked.

Ivan's shaking body shook his head. "Unfortunately, Ganon—"

"—dorf," Link and Navi said in unison.

"Ugh! This had better not be a thing," Navi huffed.

"…Ganondorf seems to have erected some sort of magical barrier down here in Hyrule, blocking our path to the temples," Ivan's twitching was out of control.

"There is?" Link blinked.

"Oh, yeah, I forgot to tell you about it when I was exploring," Navi added.

"But each temple should have another entrance high upon Hyrule's mountaintops, which are now islands above the sea," Ivan's O.N.A. continued. "As always, I shall mark these places on your Sea Chart."

"Okay, seriously, how do you do that?" Link asked.

"Link, are you seriously trying to talk to O.N.A. ?" Navi asked.

"What? We know there's a person behind it, now," Link said. "I'm sure he'll listen to us."

"Now then…" Ivan jittered. "If we stay here much longer, we shall draw our enemy's attention to Princess Zelda's whereabouts. We must depart, post haste!"

With that, Ivan spiraled down into the waves once more.

"…Or not," Link sighed.

Link reached down and scooped the fairy out of the water. He shoved the fairy into the mouth of the boat.

"He probably needs some time to rest," Link said.

"Right, um," Navi bit her lip, "Link, I…"

"Yes?" Link raised an eyebrow.

Navi let out a heavy sigh. "Look, I don't know how to say this without being a sap, but… Sorry."

"Are you apologizing for mourning again?" Link frowned.

"No, well yes, no…kinda," Navi stuttered. "Well, I've been thinking and I realized I've haven't really been the nicest to either you or Ivan. Maybe it's because I expected to just camp out on your bald spot for a week or two, and just wanted to find my Link as soon as possible."

Link clamped his hat down. "Shhh! You never know who's listening."

"Link, we're the only ones out here," Navi said. "And Ivan already knows."

Link pointed up to some seagulls flying overhead.

"Your paranoia isn't helping," Navi crossed her arms.

"Sorry," Link sighed.

"Anyway, what I'm saying is that, well…" Navi looked away. "It's been a bit frustrating hanging out with you since I'm used to my Link. But it's not fair to keep comparing you to my Link, even if you two are similar. You're both different people and I shouldn't expect you to live up to his standards."

"In other words, you're saying that I suck and that I can't live up to the legendary hero," Link rolled his eyes.

"What? No, I didn't mean it like that. Well, sort of," Navi shook her head. "But my Link was also a complete idiot, while you have at least some brain to you."

"Try and keep it down," Link said. "The seagulls might hear you and think I'm like Aryll."

"…Though, I don't really understand it most of the time," Navi paused.

"So…?" Link asked.

"So, what I'm saying is that I should try and lighten up a bit," Navi said. "If we're going to save Hyrule together, I'd rather do it as friends. And up until now, I haven't really tried to befriend you. Heck, I've never even gave you a proper introduction."

"Who says we can't have one now?" Link asked.

"What? But we already know each other," Navi pointed out.

"So?" Link smiled.

Navi paused, then looked up at him. He smiled back.

"Ehh, sure. Why not?" Navi smirked.

"Pleased to meet you. I'm Link," he extended his hand.

"And I'm Navi," she took his finger and shook it.

* * *

Cherry-sama: And that ends this chapter! :D

Navi: Wait, you said there was another review…IsabelleAuthor, right?

Cherry-sama: That is correct. This one is directed at me, though.

OoT Link: Don't keep us waiting! What did she say?

Cherry-sama: She said that she found Navi in this fic to be annoying, while she quitter enjoyed her during the previous two fics.

Navi: What?! I've been completely normal!

Cherry-sama: Well, with the Totally Messed Rewrite (which I've been posting on this site, now) I've noticed that you were a bit nicer to Link back then…

Navi: Is that why there's that sappy emotional scene at the end of this chapter?

Cherry-sama: Yes. But that's not the point. Anyway, I shall try to write Navi like I did back then but I'm still not completely sure what about the way I write her now differs from then…

WW Link: Figure it out yourself.

Cherry-sama: Eh heh heh, yeaahh… Anyway, readers, similar to last time's question, which character do you think is the most annoying and why?

OoT Link: I vote Navi.

WW Link: Me too.

Navi: Love you too, guys.

Cherry-sama: Well, I'm just curious. Heck, maybe I'll even consider writing them out of the story if people absolutely can't stand one character.

Navi: _(points to Ivan, who is still composing Mt. Bubblestein)_

Cherry-sama: Okay, maybe, maybe not. Depends if I have plans for them later.

Navi: _(points desperately at Ivan)_

Cherry-sama: No.

Navi: Oh, come on!

Cherry-sama: Anyway, please review with your thoughts! Until next time!


	21. Chapter 14: Cyclones and Dead People

**Chapter 14 (Filler~ Filler~ Lots of Filler~ I swear there's a point to it _thouuugh_~)**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Miyamoto's awesomeness that is Wind Waker, but that's been said over fourteen times by now, so I think you get the point. Also, I do not own the Wind Castles scene that shows up later, that is totally a suggestion from one of you lovely reviewers, Dia! Also, I don't own any outside references I made, which I currently forget and am too lazy to look up right now. But I _do _own the Korgikin Clan, which is from the now narrated fanfics of Lgend of Zelduhhh! (Links are posted on my profile page.) Cheers!**

* * *

Cherry-sama: The results are in, and well, we only got one vote, and that was against Niko. Sorry Niko. Guess you're the most annoying character.

Niko: _(grumbles but runs off with shoe)_

Cherry-sama: Hey! …Oh well, I'll get it back from him later. Anyways, now time for chapter four—

Toon Link: Holy crap, did I read that disclaimer right?

Cherry-sama: I thought you weren't supposed to read the disclaimers. O.o

Navi: You write them.

Cherry-sama: That's besides the point.

Toon Link: Did you _actually_ take a suggestion from your reviewers?

Cherry-sama: Well, yeah. Dia's idea was awesome!

Toon Link: _(stares unblinking)_

Cherry-sama: Look, I don't mind getting suggestions from my reviewers, and that's what the past few questions at the end were about. I would love to hear suggestions from my readers for future insanity, but I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings if their idea isn't used for one reason or another.

Toon Link: _(still staring)_

Link: Is that because of all those ideas you already have for this fic and you don't want them to contradict what you have planned?

Cherry-sama: Exactly. I don't have many ideas for the Twilight Princess parody, though. I'd be happy to get suggestions for that!

Navi: Save it for the end of the chapter.

Cherry-sama: Right! Okay, on with the fic!

* * *

Link sailed across the ocean, occasionally making the boat hop at the tops of waves to get a jump as high as possible. This was one of those times.

"Waahoo!" Link cheered.

"Please stop!" Navi groaned. "You're making me sea sick."

"Bungee jumpers, ahoy!" Ivan's cheer was a bit harder to hear.

The boat hit the water with a loud splash, which Link sped through right after. Link glanced up a new wave, coming up on the horizon. Link readied himself.

"Oh! I completely forgot to tell you something!"

The boat screeched to a halt and the sail retracted. Link fell forward onto the ship's decorative head piece. Link saw Navi, who was resting on his hairline, flung into the salt waters before them. The wave passed uneventfully underneath them. Ivan flew out, already twitching.

"Couldn't you have waited, like, five seconds?" Link grumbled.

"This is important, I promise," Ivan's twitching body confirmed.

"Alright, then," Link sighed. "Just get it over with."

"Link, do you know the legend of the Hero of Time?" Ivan's twitching body asked.

"I am the Hero of Time," Navi came up to them, shaking the water off herself.

Ivan's twitching body stared at Navi for a second.

"…Right," Ivan jolted repeatedly.

"Hey! I'm telling the truth!" Navi protested. "With the sour milk I—"

"Once long ago, he defeated Ganon—" Ivan began.

"—dor—I'm not gonna say it," Navi groaned.

"—and brought peace to the Kingdom of Hyrule…" Ivan explained. "A piece of the Triforce was given to the Hero of Time and he kept it safe, much as Zelda kept hers. That sacred piece is known as the Triforce of Courage."

"Oh boy," Link gulped. "Navi, it looks like we're going to be finding your friend after all. Or rather, raid his corpse."

"My, that'll be pleasant," Navi groaned.

"Er, no. When the Hero of Time was called to embark on another journey and left the land of Hyrule, he was separated from the elements that made him a hero," Ivan buzzed. "It is said that at that time, the Triforce of Courage was split into eight shards and hidden throughout the land. Even I do not know where they rest, but this much I do know: they lie hidden somewhere in this Great Sea. The Triforce of Courage is the only key that will once again open the doorway to Hyrule. You must search for it."

Ivan nose-dived out of the air. Link caught him on the way down.

"I'm just gonna put him back for now." Link put Ivan in the boat's mouth. "He looks pretty out of it."

"Okay, so, find the sages, get eight Triforce pieces; should be easy enough." Navi shrugged.

"Wait, _eight?_ Holy crap, that's going to take forever!" Link let out.

"Heh heh, _yeeaaahh_…" Navi bit her lip. "Sorry about that."

"You're the Hero of Time, right?" Link asked. "Why'd you break the Triforce into eight pieces?"

"Well, it was kind of an accident," Navi said. "See, as Tetra is finding out, once the Triforce is in the back of your hand, it's almost impossible to get out again. Without finding the two other people with Triforce pieces or chopping off your hand, that is. When I did manage to get it out, some hours later, I was so annoyed with it that I tossed it as far as I could. It hit a mountain and about eight pieces ricocheted in several directions."

"And, let me guess," Link sighed, "you didn't bother to see where they landed."

"No, of course not." Navi shrugged. "Heck, I thought I was banished from Hyrule. I couldn't care less where it landed."

"That's just perfect," Link grumbled.

"Look, Link, let's just focus on what happened to the two sages," Navi said. "Besides, it probably won't take very long."

* * *

Link sailed away from Gale Isle.

"That was pointless," Link grumbled.

"Oh, come on!" Navi let out. "How was I supposed to know that there'd be a statue blowing hurricane strong winds constantly?"

Link said nothing, but just muttered angrily to himself.

"Tree frogs go 'weeee'!" Ivan reenacted the scene with his hands.

"Well, why don't we check out um…" Navi paused.

"Headstone Island?" Link said.

"Right," Navi said. "That place."

"Splat!" Ivan punched his hand when he said this.

"What? And face the same thing all over again?" Link asked.

"Okay, point taken, but," Navi paused, "look, the game designers obviously want us to do something first. All we have to do is figure out what."

Link sailed straight into a cyclone.

"Eh heh heh heh heh heh!" the cyclone cackled.

"Now, it's round two!" Ivan was ecstatic.

"I hate my life."

* * *

Link's red little boat spiraled out of the sky. It splashed down in the sea water of Forest Haven.

"Weee!" the voice of Ivan echoed. "That was fun! Let's do it again!"

"This is, urp, getting on my nerves!" Navi tried not to appear queasy. "What is that, the second time that's happened?!"

"You forget the various times we got blown away while I was filling out my map," Link added.

"I have no idea who's in that cyclone thing, but I want to give them a piece of my mind!" Navi buzzed up and down.

"Do you need brain surgery?" Ivan asked.

"Good luck with that," Link said. "After you, you know, could barely stand up against the wind blowing statue back on Gale Isle."

"You know flying isn't my strong point," Navi huffed. "And besides, we just need a different method of approach. I say we charge straight for him and hit him with all we've got! Bombs! Arrows! Your boomerang! Anything!"

"A boomerang in a cyclone?" Link gagged. "Are you crazy? It's a miracle that thing comes back even with all the abuse I put it through."

"Link, now isn't the time to think about real physics," Navi said. "Right now, we need a plan of action. We can't take on Ganondorf and be pushed around by one cackling moron in a wind storm! We need to show that punk who's boss!"

"Like a toaster." Ivan took a pose.

"You and your competitive side," Link groaned. "Alright, fine. But if I end up throwing up, then you're helping me clean it up. And Ivan, stop rapping."

* * *

A red being sat upon his storm cloud, gazing out at the sea from within his towering cyclone. Another boring day. Only four dozen postmen, three steam boats, two pirate ships, and that small red boat. A quiet day, to say the least. The entity frowned. He knew he had blown that red boat away a few times before. Points for being persistent.

The entity sighed. Why couldn't they put up more of a fight? Seriously, those Big Octos at least flailed around and tried to grab him when his handsome cyclones picked them up. Not to mention the Rito; the being smirked at the memory of the flailing feathers. But Hylians? Hylians just clung to their boats like sissies. Lame.

Something caught the being's eye. He turned. It was that small boat again, only this time it was headed straight for his elegant cyclone.

"CHARGE!" a female voice bellowed from the boat.

"For peace, or whatever," a kid's voice added half-heartedly.

"And sponge monkeys!" a third voice exclaimed.

This was going to be amusing.

The red figure laughed with glee as it revealed itself from within the cyclone and together they charged toward Link's boat. Link took a step back.

"CYCLOS!" Link yelled.

"Link, will you stop saying the wind gods' names in vain?!" Navi yelled.

"No! It's actually Cyclos!" Link pointed to the wind god swirling in the center.

"Woooww…" he heard Ivan gasp.

"Foolish creatures who does not fear the gods! To the end of the sea with you!" Cyclos yelled. "Let the winds of Cyclos's wrath blow you away!"

"Good! He's monologuing! Quick, Link! Now's our—" Navi began. "Link, what are you doing?!"

Link lowered his Pictobox. "Navi, it's a freaking wind god! You don't get a chance like this every day!"

"Oh for crying out lo_oooouuuuudddd!_" The trio was blown up into the skies.

* * *

Soon, at Four Eyed Reef…

"This one's crap…" Link looked at his Pictographs. "This one is too…"

"Yoou suuuuck… Bleehh…" Navi gargled.

"Hey, this one's not too bad." Link nodded to himself.

"Why can't you just…draw swords like a normal parody fanfiction protagonist?" Navi moaned.

"I thought you said you'd stop comparing me to your Link." Link put away the Pictobox.

"I'm not comparing you… You just suuuckkk." Navi groaned.

"If you want to be friends, the least you could do is take interest in my passion," Link huffed.

"Not when it makes me seasick." Navi sprawled out.

"Navi! Navi!" Ivan zipped out. "Let's make wind castles with him!"

"You mean with Cyclos?" Link raised an eyebrow.

"NO!" Navi snapped reflexively.

"B-b-b-but…" Ivan sounded hurt.

"We have some royal butt kicking to do!" Navi zipped over to Ivan. "When I said nobody bests Mademoiselle Fairy, I meant nobody!"

"Not even wind gods, apparently," Link sighed.

"But-but wind castles…" Ivan whimpered.

"Now, are you done fooling around or are we ready to kick his stormy butt all the way to Termina?" Navi crossed her arms.

"Termites?" Ivan looked confused

"But Pictography is serious busi—" Link began.

"Just answer the question."

"Yes." Link rolled his eyes. "I suppose. If I have to."

"Good. I see a cyclone off there in the distance," Navi said. "Now, let's show him what we're really made of!"

Link lazily lifted his arms in the air. "_Hooray_…"

Link sighed, pulled out his sail, and cruised off toward the distant cyclone.

* * *

It was all too soon when Link felt the blustering winds whip his hair around. Link sighed as he squinted at the roaring windstorm to keep his eyes from drying out.

"CHARGE!" Navi bellowed.

"Hylians really do have a death wish," Cyclos chuckled.

"No, just an extremely competitive side," Link groaned.

"That won't change anything!" Cyclos yelled.

"Just wait and see, punk!" Navi yelled. "Man the cannon!"

Link aimed the cannon and shot bomb after bomb. Cyclos watched with mild amusement as each and every bomb stopped in mid stride, began swirling up, and exploding in the skies above.

"Erm, we've still got arrows!" Navi yelled. "Quick, Link, use your arrows."

"Then let's go on the ride again!" Ivan cheered.

Link sighed and pulled out his bow.

"Har har har! You gonna shoot me down?" Cyclos roared with laughter. "Do you realize how improbable the physics of that are?"

"Screw physics, we've got magic!" was Navi's battle cry.

With that an arrow zipped through the air and hit Cyclos. He remained unscathed despite the onslaught of arrows that rained down on him. The swirling winds died down.

"That was surprisingly easy…" Link paused.

"Oh…" Ivan frowned.

"Ha!" Navi flew up to the Wind God. "In. Your. Face!"

"That's a heck of an arm you've got there!" Cyclos seemed impressed. "And what an eye! No one's ever been able to spot me in there before now!"

Link and Navi raised an eyebrow in unison. "_Seriously?_"

"Okay, not really, but no one's been able to shoot me down like that." Cyclos smirked. "You obviously have mastery of the air. And now that we've established that you're quite the Wind Waker… Let's see if you can handle this!"

"You know he has the Wind Waker?" Navi asked.

"I'm not complaining." Link shrugged.

Cyclos, on his storm cloud, moved down, right, left, and then up. Link pulled out the Wind Waker and did the same. Do loo do loo da la dee! Link learned the Ballad of the Gales! It's about bloody time!

"Waaaaa-hoooooooooooooo!" Cyclos cheered. "In the hands of a Wind Waker like you, my adorable little cyclones will be as happy as can be!"

"Now we can we make wind castles with him?" Ivan asked.

"No!" Navi snapped.

"Wind castles?" Cyclos raised an eyebrow.

"He has this crazy idea that it's possible to make castles out of wind and water and other stuff," Navi said.

"Challenge accepted." Cyclos cracked his knuckles.

"Exactly, just ign—wait, wait, wait, wait!" Navi yelled.

With a lift of his arms, Cyclos summoned cyclones from all regions of the Great Sea. Link latched onto his hat and Navi clung to the boat for dear life as the sea tornados moved every which way.

"How's that for a castle made of wind, ehh?" Cyclos's voice radiated with pride.

Link stole a peek. Amongst the chaos, Cyclos had positioned the cyclones to resemble a castle.

"Weeeee!" it sounded like Ivan was swirling around in there somewhere too. "Waaaaahooooo! Besstttt wiiinnndd caaastllle eevvveerrrrr!"

"Yes, yes, that's nice!" Navi yelled. "You're amazing and all that! Now can we pleeeeeease just get on with our lives? We're _trying _to save the world."

"Fine, fine." Cyclos's amused smile didn't leave his face.

With a snap of his fingers, the cyclones flew off in scattered directions. Ivan spiraled down.

"Can we be bestest friends, Mr. Wind Castle Guy?" Ivan flew over to Cyclos.

"Ha, sure thing, fairy," Cyclos chuckled. "You have a great sense of wind about you."

"B-B-But what about me?" Link looked hurt by this statement.

"Ehh, you too, I suppose." Cyclos shrugged.

Link tried to mask his sadness as Navi sprawled out on top of the boat.

"Can…can we get out of here?" Navi belched.

"Sure thing." Cyclos waved. "If you need to move like the wind over the ocean deeps, just call my cyclones. Well, I'll guess I'll head home for now! See you on down the road!"

"Wait, before you go," Link spoke up.

"Yeah?"

"Can I…" Link looked away sheepishly. "Can I get a Pictograph with you?"

"Uh, not sure what that is, but sure?" Cyclos blinked.

Link fist pumped, then handed Navi the Pictobox.

"Now, just look at the lens in the center." Link instructed.

"Lens?" Cyclos asked.

"I hit this button, right?" Navi asked.

"Yup!" Link smiled for the image.

With a satisfying click, Link rushed over and examined his Pictographs.

"This is the best Pictograph ever!" Link could barely contain his inner fanboy. "Let's see Lenzo top this!"

Cyclos stared in silence.

"You can leave to be never seen again, now," Navi said.

"I'll do that," Cyclos said.

With that, Cyclos left on a gust of wind.

"Bye, Castle Man!" Ivan waved.

"I am _so_ framing this!" Link said giddily. "Once I found out how to, that is."

"And he even makes wind castles too!" Ivan hummed.

"Right, I'll just be hanging over the edge trying not to throw up if you need me," Navi said.

"Now, let's go abuse this new technique to death!" Link took a heroic pose.

Ivan started clapping. Navi started to sob.

* * *

Some new technique abusing later…

"Huzzah!" Link cheered

"Link doesn't this make you feel sea sick at all?"

"Foolish Navi." Link smirked. "Real men don't get sea sic—urp!"

Link dove for the edge of the boat. He leaned over and let loose.

"I guess you're not…a man, then…" Navi tried to smile.

"It…it was something I ate," Link grumbled.

"Wow!" Ivan gasped. "I didn't know you ate that!"

"Lovely," Navi groaned. "Anyway, where are we?"

Link looked around at the mystical plants and sparkling pond he had just tarnished.

"Maybe we're in that higher up place on Mother and Child Isles," Link pondered. "I told the cyclone to warp us there, anyway."

"What's with this place?" Navi looked around in awe.

"It's the sparkle goo." Ivan stared in awe.

"Ivan, that's not what I—"

"Tee hee hee! Tell me, little boy…" a voice from nowhere asked. "Can you control the wind?"

"Little boy?" Link huffed defiantly.

"Hee hee! So young, to have such power…" the voice chuckled. "How did you know to find me here?"

"Hey!" Link protested.

"That voice…" Navi paused. "Where have I heard it before…?"

A little girl appeared above a rock formation in the center of the pond. The little girl was a light blue, had no pupils, and hair, dress, and eyes all changed colour at the same time. Link and Navi stared up at her.

"Oh? You're here too, Navi?" the girl asked.

"Nope," Navi said. "Still doesn't ring any bells."

"Hi, Aurora!" Ivan waved.

"_Aurora?!_" Navi gaped. "But we—! Maria—! You were a guardian fairy just like me!"

"Times change, Navi. I am the queen of the fairy world now," Aurora smiled. "Maybe you would be too if you didn't spend all those years in hibernation."

"I knew I should have stayed a Great Fairy…" Navi grumbled.

"What is the matter, my child?" Queen Aurora asked. "Does that not surprise you?"

"By this point I've learned not to ask." Link shrugged.

"Young one… I like you." Aurora smiled. "And so, I shall give you new power to the bow that you wield."

With that, the Fairy Queen held out her hands and two fairies appeared. They flew over and into Link's chest. DUH DUH DUH NUUUUUUHHHH! Link can now shoot Fire and Ice Arrows! Which doesn't look like frozen blood and ice anymore!

"Ahh!" Link felt his chest all around. "This is worse than the flower goo! At least that stuff wasn't alive!"

"Ice Arrows can freeze the hottest flames, and Fire Arrows can melt the coldest ice," the Fairy Queen explained.

A horrified expression fell upon Link's face. "…Or was it?"

"Are you listening?" the Fairy Queen huffed.

Link said nothing, but just stared out into space, expression unchanging.

"He's too busy freaking out right now," Navi said.

"However, feel free to leave a message after the tone." Ivan nodded.

Ivan made his own sound effect.

"…The fairies in this fountain will ease your weariness. Use them as you need to…" Aurora sighed.

"That means they give you free Iced Tea Zero™," Ivan whispered to Navi.

"Ivan…" Aurora turned to Ivan. "I must tell you… You are just my type. Tee hee hee!"

"O positive?" Ivan blinked.

"H-Hey!" Navi huffed. "Watch it!"

"Oh?" Aurora blinked. "Have you finally got together with Ivan?"

"N-No!" Navi said. "He's not my boyfriend! He's just too young to defend himself from other people trying to take advantage of him!"

"He's three hundred and seventy-two." Aurora pointed out.

"That's not the point."

"Can we tell her about our wind castle of cyclone cookies?" Ivan said ecstatically.

"N-No!" Navi huffed. "We've got better things to do! Like saving the world for example!"

"You're just changing the topic." Aurora noted.

"You stay out of this!" Navi snapped. "Link! Warp us away!"

"Doesn't it make you sea—" Link began.

Navi glared at Link. Link sighed and summoned another cyclone with his Wind Waker. The little boat was whisked away.

* * *

Link headed to Fire Mountain. He used an Ice Arrow to freeze the spewing lava, hopped inside, and got…DUH DUH DUH NUUUUUUHHHH! Power Bracelets! These golden bracelets can help the wearer pick up items over ten times their size! …Though, they don't enhance your swordsman strength. Lame.

Link then headed to Ice Ring Isle. He used a Fire Arrow to melt away the strange rock in the shape of a dragon that was spitting out freezing winds. Because magic. Link hopped inside and got…DUH DUH DUH NUUUUUUHHHH! Iron Boots! These metal boots are actually separate boots this time, and make you weigh a lot more! Not sure why anyone but Link would want these, but whatever…

Link then headed to Headstone Island. He moved away the large rock that he would have needed Navi's help to move before. Link walked proudly into the cave behind.

"Oi," Navi groaned. "That was a pain. Good thing it happened off screen, otherwise we'd be here for at least eighty more pages…"

"Who's the man?" Link was talking to himself. "You're the man! You're the manliest man to ever man!"

Navi said nothing, but sighed.

"What?" Link asked.

"Can you stop thinking so highly of yourself for once?" Navi asked.

"I do not!" Link protested.

"Says the twelve year old who calls himself a man."

"Well, you're not the one that just climbed into a volcano _and _an ice cavern of doom." Link grinned smugly.

"Uh, actually, yes. I was with you." Navi said. "But that's not my point."

"You know what I think? I think that you are jealous of me!" Link crossed his arms.

"You're doing it again."

"Doing what ag—Say! Another tune for my Wind Waker!" Link exclaimed. "That makes two over these past few days!"

"We've already wasted that much time?" Navi sighed. "Hyrule _is _doomed."

Navi looked over to a large stone slab up against the far wall. On it were several markings, similar to the ones she had seen in the Tower of the Gods.

"Let's see…" Link held the Wind Waker pensively. "Down, down, center, right, left, center…"

With some flicks of the baton…Do loo do loo da la dee! Link learned the Earth God's Lyric! It plays during the opening!

"Sweet." Link examined the Wind Waker.

"That's nice, now can we—ack!" Navi let out.

Link turned around and saw the ghost of a Zora.

"Huh, dead people." Link shrugged.

"Yay!" Ivan cheered.

Navi stared at the boy.

"_What?_" Link asked. "I'm getting used to the whole adventuring thing."

Navi paused. "…You're starting to scare me."

The ghost coughed.

"Right, sorry, go ahead," Navi said.

"O great hero, chosen by the Master Sword! My name is Laruto." Laruto began. "I am a Zora sage. For an age, I offered my prayers here in the Earth Temple, praying that the power to repel evil would ever remain within the Master Sword. And yet…unfortunately, due to Ganondorf's evil designs, the Master Sword you hold has lost this power. After his defeat at the hands of the Hero of Time, Ganondorf was sealed away…"

"Thank you." Navi took a bow. "Thank you."

"…but not for all time." Laruto added.

Link sniggered.

"Oh, be quiet," Navi huffed.

"He was revived, and he returned to Hyrule in a red wrath," Laruto continued. "He attacked this temple and stole my soul, knowing that he had to remove the power contained in that enchanted blade."

"Holy crap, he stole your _soul?_" Navi's eyes widened. "Okay, being more careful around Ganondorf now."

"Wait," Link said, "if Ganondorf stole your soul, then how are you talking to us? You know, as a disembodied soul?"

"This can only be…" Ivan gasped dramatically. "…the work of the Korgikin Tribe!"

Navi and Link stared blankly at Ivan.

"I knew they were up to their Corgi summoning ways!" Ivan snapped his fingers.

Laruto coughed again.

"Sorry."

"I do not know the technicalities, but I do know that I am dead." Laruto continued. "Dead enough to make the Master Sword lose its power. So, in order to return the power to repel evil to your sword, you must find another to take my stead in this temple and ask the gods for their assistance. You must find the one who carries on my bloodline… The one who holds this sacred instrument…"

Laruto held out her harp. Link, Navi, and Ivan stared at it intently.

"It has a sparkly face on it…" Ivan stared in awe. "Just like Rhapsody's!"

"Come to mention it, it does kinda look like the one Medli has…" Link noted.

"Find Medli, bring her here." Navi noted. "Sounds simple enough."

"Nothing can stop the flow of time or the passing of generations…but the fate carried within my bloodline endures the ravages of all the years." Laruto nodded. "It survives."

"Your descendant is a bird?" Navi asked.

Laruto pretended not to hear. "The song you just conducted is one which will open the eyes of the new sage and awaken within that sage the melody that will carry our prayers to the gods. The—"

"No, I'm sorry, I can't get over that." Navi held up a hand. "How? Just…how?! You're a fish! Shouldn't your descendant be, oh, I dunno, other fish?"

"Evolution, duh." Link said.

"But fish can swim." Navi pointed out. "Zora can swim. Why the crap did the Zora feel the need to evolve into Rito if they're already suited for the Great Sea's environment?"

"Actually, there has been some online debate over that." Link added. "The one theory is that Zora were freshwater beings and couldn't live in salt water."

"But I've seen Zora living by the ocean!" Navi added. "My Link even transformed into a Zora and pretended to be a dolphin!"

"Yes, but I recall that was in another country," Link continued. "So Hyrule's Zora could be completely different."

"Well, Laruto?" Navi asked. "What's the answer?"

There was a pause.

"My…my son…" Laruto turned a funny purple colour. "He had…weird tastes… I…I hoped it wouldn't come up…"

Navi was speechless.

"…_Okay_ then." Link was at a loss for words.

"Do you think the Korgikin were behind this too?" Ivan began looking around for clues.

"…The door that blocks your way will only open when the sage plays that song." Laruto said hurriedly. "May the winds of fortune blow with you."

Laruto vanished. A long and awkward pause followed.

"So, um," Navi chuckled nervously, "wanna go back to Gale Isle and break that place open?"

"_Suuurree_…" Link chuckled nervously back.

"Ivan, come on."

"But I have to prove that Corgis were here—"

"Ivan, just…just…_please_." Navi groaned.

"Ohh, _okay,_ Navi." Ivan sighed resignedly.

Link walked stiffly out, the fairies close behind him.

* * *

Link stomped triumphantly into the cave on Gale Isle. His hair was a ruffled mess and wore his spiked Iron Boots. Around his ankles were the Power Bracelets.

"Ha ha ha ha!" Link cackled. "I…am…victorious!"

"I'll admit, after all that crap that wind blowing statue put us through, it was immensely satisfying to watch you kick it into a million pieces." Navi admitted.

"I'm so glad I listened to Ivan's advice of making my feet like hammers." Link chuckled.

"We couldn't let the Korgikin Tribe win this time." Ivan nodded.

"I think we were supposed to have a hammer…" Navi paused. "You think that we missed an item in another dungeon?"

"Dunno. But I don't feel like going back and checking." Link shrugged.

"Okay, fair enough."

Link took off the Iron Boots and began putting the Power Bracelets back on his wrists. Navi looked around. Her eyes met a rock slab similar to the one on Headstone Island.

"Say, that's a tune for your wind baton thing, right?" Navi pointed

"Oh, hey, you're right." Link looked up. "Hold on, I'll be right over."

Navi sighed. Ivan flew up to her.

"Navi?"

"Now what?" Navi groaned.

"This is where Saria's cousin lives." Ivan nodded sagely.

"Ivan, think about it. The Kokiri can't leave the forest." Navi explained. "And even if they could, they're all withered tree stumps right now."

"Except Saria and her cousin."

"You know what? Sure. And Saria's cousin," Navi said.

Do loo do loo da la dee! Link learned the Wind God's Aria! It also plays during the opening! And is generally awesome like that.

"Greetings," said a voice from behind.

"Yo." Link turned around. "Are you dead too?"

"Link, what are you talking ab—wah!" Navi let out.

Navi stared at the ghost of a Kokiri.

"Hi, Saria's cousin!" Ivan waved.

"It's been a while, hasn't it, Ivan?" the ghost asked. "How's the campervan I lent you guys?"

"It kissed a tree. Oh, and debt collectors want their money back." Ivan explained.

"Ah, I heard that Saria got into some financial difficulties." The ghost nodded. "Is she alright?"

"Off in graphics land, havin' a good old time!" Ivan exclaimed.

"Ah, same old Ivan." The ghost chuckled.

"I-I-I-I'm sorry, what?!" Navi let out.

"I…I second that notion." Link pointed at Navi.

"Are you the new hero?" the ghost asked. "Ah, then forgive me. I am Fado of the Kokiri Tribe. I know I appear to you as a child, but the eyes can oft deceive. I am a most esteemed sage."

"I-I already heard it from Navi." Link nodded. "You're immortal, right?"

"For the most part." Fado pointed to his transparent body.

"Right, okay, continue." Link nodded.

"I had been praying here so that the power to repel evil would continue to be contained within the blade of the Master Sword… But I was attacked by the evil Ganondorf…"

"Let me guess. He stole your soul too?" Navi asked.

"This is what happened to me," Fado said. He turned to Link. "Tell me. You wish to return the power to your blade, don't you?"

"Uhh… I guess." Link shrugged. "I'm supposed to save the world, anyway."

"In that case, look for the one who has the same instrument that I hold, and teach him the song you just played." Fado held out a violin in his hand. "Once you do, I'm certain that the holder of the instrument will feel the blood of the sages awaken within his veins."

"Annnd, that looks like Makar's cello." Link added.

"…Which he smashed to pieces…" Navi paused.

"That's okay, we'll just trade him a harmonica," Ivan said reassuringly.

"That Wind Waker you hold was used long ago to conduct us sages when you played our song to call upon the gods." Fado pointed to the white stick in Link's hand. "In those days, it was always the king who conducted for us… Please… Tell the king that I will still play…even in the next world!"

The ghost vanished.

"But what about the Great Deku Tree! Is he not more important than any king Hyrule has?" Navi protested. "Why didn't you play for the great tree himself?"

'_He didn't want me to,'_ Fado's disembodied voice answered.

"Saria's cousin taught the Maker!" Ivan gasped.

Link and Navi, looked at each other, then sighed.

"Okay, I guess that means we have to find Makar, right?" Navi said.

"Yup." Link nodded. "And Medli, too."

"Right, well, let's go get them!" Navi nodded decisively.

"Yeah!" Link smiled. "…I just want to do a _little bit _of exploring, first. For example, I never really explored Forest Haven that thoroughly…"

Navi began banging her head against a wall.

* * *

"…And our new cap' doesn't mind if we don't plunder or pillage at all!" Nudge explained.

The other members of Pirates Anonymous leaned closer in their intrigue.

"Not only that, but we can visit land whenever we want, she doesn't mind us havin' these meetin's, and she even has some good tales of her own to share!" Senza enthused.

"That's quite an improvement," Jolene said. "Considering what you told us about your previous captain, this sounds like just what you boys needed."

"Tch." Black Beard spat on the ground. "I think that Tetra lass was the only one with her head screwed on right 'round here."

"What was that, Black?"

"Tis nothin'."

"I miss the plundering." Niko huffed.

"Niko, it ain't your turn to speak yet."

Niko grumbled to himself before swiping Jolene's sword.

"The boys just love her!" Nudge smiled. "Ain't that right, boys?"

Nudge turned to Gonzo and Zuko. Gonzo turned away. Zuko said nothing.

"We're just decoration," Zuko said.

"Yer _still _mad about that?" Gonzo asked.

"Ahem, that's enough about us." Nudge turned to Black Beard. "What about you, Black?"

"Well, I fought off a Big Octo that threatened an island with bananas—" Black Beard began.

"ALL HANDS ON DECK!" came a yell from above deck. "Eight gulls three hundred meters from our current position! REQUESTING BACKUP!"

Jolene and Black Beard watched as Tetra's crew strapped on some army helmets and ran up the stairs.

"Uhhh…?" Jolene paused.

Zuko lingered a little bit. "You might wanna come too."

"To fight gulls?" Jolene asked.

"You don't wanna know what our new cap'll do to ya if you don't."

Jolene's eyes widened. Zuko shimmied up the stairway.

"On second thought…" Black Beard smirked. "I think I might like this new cap' of theirs after all."

Black Beard charged up the stairs, Jolene following hesitantly after.

* * *

Link sailed by Bomb Island with a dreamy look in his eye.

"That…that was amazing…" Link smiled with his mouth hanging open.

"Link, the guy just made figurines. It's nothing special." Navi shrugged.

"They were shiny!" Ivan added.

"But it was figurines based off Pictographs!" Link said giddily. "I can finally have my Pictographs be recognized and preserved!"

"You could just buy a frame and make it a print," Navi said.

"That'd be too expensive," Link said.

"And they wouldn't be as shiny," Ivan said.

"Just think, Navi!" Link hugged his Pictobox. "Now I can have a collection not only in the two-dimensional world, but the third dimension as well!"

"I wouldn't be so sure about that…" Navi said. "That guy at the Nintendo Gallery didn't seem too happy when you attacked him."

"I thought he was stealing my Pictographs." Link crossed his arms.

"You tried to strangle him."

"I was only protecting my rights as an artist." Link nodded.

"That was a weird hug…" Ivan recalled.

"Just sayin'…" Navi sighed. "Anyway, are we going to go see Medli and Makar now?"

"Navi!" Link was aghast. "I just discovered that I can take Pictographs of any living thing and get it made into a fully-fledged colour figurine! And all you can think about are Medli and Makar? You've got to set your priorities straight."

"I take it that's a no," Navi groaned.

"I bet Rhapsody would like Tree Link's shiny things," Ivan pondered. "And then we can trade with the Maker!"

"Exactly. Besides, I've been meaning to find Mesa a bride for a while now and Windfall is the most likely place for candidates."

Navi sighed heavily.

"What?" Link huffed.

"Nothing. Just…just go," Navi said.

Link pulled out his Wind Waker and a cyclone whirled him away.

* * *

Some time later…

"So, uh, Link…" Navi spoke up.

"Yes, Navi?" Link bent down and took a Pictograph of a pig.

"It's been quite a while…" Navi bit her lip. "And you haven't really found a bride for that one guy yet…"

"Your point?" Link took a Pictograph of a tall man with a mustache.

"Oh! Oh! Link Frog, take one of me next!" Ivan bobbed up and down.

"I think we should get around to finding Medli and Makar and taking them to the Temples." Navi flew in front of the Pictograph Lens. "You've taken dozens of Pictographs, warped back and forth from Forest Haven several times, and, well, it's been days. We should get going before something bad happens. We don't want to let the King down."

"Right, right, you've got a point." Link sighed. "Alright, we'll go get them."

"Thank you." Navi sighed with relief.

"Just after I deliver this last batch of Pictographs." Link held up a finger.

"Alright, fine, but after that, we're leaving," Navi said.

* * *

Some more time later…

"Link?" Navi asked.

"Yes?" Link adjusted the cannon.

"Whatever happened to not letting the King down?" Navi asked.

"I'm on it, I'm on it." Link waved his hand as he shot a bomb at the floating barrel. "I just think I should have some extra Heart Pieces and rupees on hand before setting out to save the world. And Mr. Salvatore's mini game here seems like the perfect way to do that."

"Well, yeah, but…" Navi paused.

The bomb hit the final floating barrel.

"Bulls snout!" Ivan cheered.

Salvatore pulled up a crudely done mask of Gonzo.

"It's the ninja man again!" Ivan gasped in surprise.

"…That's mildly disturbing…" Navi muttered to herself.

"Psssh! Wow! Nice shooting…" Salvatore said gruffly. "But we won't hand over our priceless treasure so easily, yeah?"

"Of course not." Link rolled his eyes.

"Miss! Hey, Miss!" Salvatore looked to the side.

"But I thought he got all the monkeys…" Ivan searched the horizon.

Salvatore put away the Gonzo mask and pulled up a crudely done Tetra mask.

"Gonzo! You're at least an honorary member of my family, are you not?!" Salvatore said in a high pitched voice.

"Cinnamon bun's here too?" Ivan flew back in surprise.

"Okay, that's even more disturbing." Navi gulped.

"Hush, Navi, Tetra and I are busy," Link said.

"So act like it! Don't lose your head!" Salvatore turned to Link. "You're a talented little kid! …I like you!"

"You'd have no reason not to." Link flipped his hair. "I did, after all, take down the Seagull King."

"Link, stop flirting with the man who's pretending to be Tetra," Navi said.

"As we promised, here's our treasure. It's yours, so take it!" Salvatore giggled like a schoolgirl.

DUH DUH DUH NUUUUUUHHHH! Link got a Piece of Heart! Sweetness!

"We should have a party with your crew sometime." Link nodded. "To make up for the time I got left out."

"All right. Nice job and all that…" Salvatore lowered the mask and spoke in his normal voice. "You can leave via the ladder behind you. Climb down in an orderly manner, if you please…"

Link snapped a Pictograph of the man.

"If you're lucky, I might invite you too," Link said.

"Yay! Parties!" Ivan cheered.

"Now can we go get Makar and Medli?" Navi sighed.

"Now we can go and get Makar and Medli," Link replied.

* * *

Some _more _time later…

"Link, can we please go and get Makar and Medli?" Navi groaned.

"Not now, Navi. I'm busy." Link raised his hand. "One hundred fifty on that Joy Pendant!"

"One hundred fifty!" Zunari called out. "A whopping one hundred and fifty! Can you believe it, folks?"

"But I thought we had a whole butterfly farm in your Spoils Bag!" Navi protested.

"Butterflies can farm?" Ivan asked.

"That was before we talked to Miss Marie," Link said.

"Do I hear a one hundred and fifty-two?" Zunari looked over at another auctioneer.

"Four hundred!" Link called out.

Navi banged her head against the auction podium.

* * *

An unbelievably long time later…

"Link?" Navi asked.

"Hmm?" Link looked up at the fairy.

"It's been well over a month," Navi said. "We've been traveling across the map, taken Pictographs of the inhabitants of Windfall, Dragon Roost, and Outset, fulfilled so many pointless off screen side quests that I've lost count, and, well, I think it's about time that we get off our butts and actually work on saving the world."

"Just after I got this new cabana?" Link took a sip of some punch and settled back in his chair. "And I thought you said you wanted to rest."

"That's only because I am getting literally tired from all this procrastinating," Navi heaved. "Look, I've been patient, I've been trying my best to respect what you want to do, but now you're just getting on my nerves."

"You're overreacting." Link fidgeted in his chair to get out of the sun.

"This is the future of the world we're talking about!" Navi yelled. "You haven't seen what Ganondorf did to Hyrule after seven years! I bet that just giving him a month will allow him to recuperate tenfold!"

"Your point?" Link set down the glass.

"Friendship is about giving and taking!" Navi yelled. "And if you really want to build our relationship so that I'm not just a nagging companion, you're going to have to do what I say sometimes!"

"Okay, okay, sheesh." Link stood up. "There's no reason to be so angry about it."

Navi sighed loudly.

"Look, I'm sorry, maybe I did slack off a little," Link said.

"A little?"

"Okay, a lot." Link rolled his eyes. "Now let's go."

"_Thank you._" Navi sighed.

"Can I just deliver this Town Flower to the Traveling Merchant Zunari was talking about?" Link held up the flower.

"Okay, fine, just as long as it doesn't turn out to be the big trading side-quest of this game." Navi sighed.

"Trust me, this won't take any time at all." Link smiled.

Link wandered over to his boat and sailed away.

"Oh, did I mention that there's three of them?" Link asked.

"GAH!"

* * *

Cherry-sama: And that wraps up this chapter!

Ivan: And all of it was filler! _(dances)_

Cherry-sama: Shh! Ivan. I swear I have a point for all this.

Navi: _(glares)_

Cherry-sama: Trust me!

Navi: Says the writer with the infrequent updates.

Cherry-sama: Shhhh! Anyway, thanks again to Dia and her awesome idea about Cyclos making Wind Castles with Ivan, and as for your question, my favourite type of chocolate is milk. Preferably from Bernard Callebaut. n.n

Toon Link: Uhhh…?

Cherry-sama: Also, she totally kicked your butt at fighting Bokoblins.

Toon Link: Well, I'd like to see her take better Pictographs than me!

Cherry-sama: I bet anyone could take better Pictographs than you.

Toon Link: o.o!

Navi: _(whispers) _The question?

Cherry-sama: Huh? Oh, right! Anyway, guys, are there any suggestions you have for future insanity in this fic?

Link: I thought you said you might not use them.

Cherry-sama: Well, that's true, but if there are any suggestions for the sequel, Totally Pathetic based off Twilight Princess, I'm all ears, since that one has barely any ideas for it.

Navi: …Are you getting lazy?

Cherry-sama: Erm… No. Uh, please review!


	22. Chapter 15: Makar in the Earth Temple

**Chapter 15 (Yes, you did read that title right. No, it's not a mistake.)**

**Disclaimer: This is my fanfic. The fact that it's a fanfic means that I do not own the game, the Legend of Zelda: Wind Waker. I also do not own the reviewers or their suggestions, Skyrim, Microsoft Word, Phoenix Wright, basketball, Oompa-Loompas, or the cursed numbers from Lost. Also, I apologize in advance if the swearing in this chapter insults anyone, but it's all censored, so I doubt it will.**

* * *

Cherry-sama: And welcome back to another chapter of TB!

Navi, WW, and OoT Link: _(stares)_

Cherry-sama: …What?

WW Link: You're not dead?

Cherry-sama: No! Of course not! I just update slowly.

Navi: Tell that to the reviewers. _(points at reviews concerned people)_

Cherry-sama: …Whoops. But, hey, it's not entirely my fault, okay? I can't help it if my current schedule hasn't allowed me much time to work on my computer. There's only one class I pretend to be taking notes in!

Navi: Oh, don't lie. You were totally playing Skyrim.

Cherry-sama: I-I-I-I was not!

OoT Link: _(looking at Skyrim file)_ Wow… Look at how many hours she's wasted…

Cherry-sama: They were not wasted!

WW Link: Anywho, there were quite a few suggestions, mostly from a person named Lysander Shado. Lysander Shado wondered what would happen if Link _actually _falls asleep, brought up that Hylians apparently are more prone to psychic powers than other races, and suggested that in the next fic, Link and Navi meet up with someone from her black market days.

OoT Link: Didn't Shado also suggest that the next Link have powers or something? And that Ivan was a part of the fairy mafia, but he got kicked out for some reason?

Cherry-sama: Yeah, but I don't think I'll use those, since I already have an idea of where I want TP Link and Ivan to go.

Navi: They were good suggestions, though. And you could give powers to any other character you want.

Cherry-sama: Anyway, if you guys get any more ideas for the fic and the next one, don't be afraid to tell me! I'm looking forward to anything you guys can give me!

WW Link: Also, Dia wonders if you're on Google Plus.

Cherry-sama: Um, technically. But I don't use it that often. My deviantart account is where it's at, yo!

Navi: Stop self-advertising and just start the chapter already.

Cherry-sama: Okay. D:

* * *

A warm breeze blew through the streets on Windfall Island. The various flags fluttered in the man-with-the-parka's shop. Adorned with different pedestals, the shop put the other merchants to shame. At least, in the man's humble opinion.

Zunari, the wealthy man in the parka, stood back and admired his wares. Not long before his shop was nothing but a little stall with one product…a Town Flower. Now, it was bursting from the seams with products to sell. Completely useless products, Zunari admitted to himself, but they were his money-making babies nonetheless.

The young boy with blonde hair and a green tunic strode over to him. Zunari smiled at the sight of the boy and his two mystical glowing balls of light. For it was this young master that he had requested the assistance with his business, and the lad gladly complied.

Zunari grinned, but then stared at the boy's mystical floating orbs. Did the young master have two of them before? Zunari decided it mattered not.

"Look, I swear this will be quick." The boy said to the one on his right.

"It'd better be, Link." So the boy's name was Link, was it?

"Yes, yes! Young master, look!" Zunari beamed as he pointed to his busy stall. "Already, my shop has a wide variety of products to choose from! It's a cornucopia!"

"That's great!" Link smiled. "But, um, do you mind me asking what they're for, exactly?"

Zunari thought it would be best to pretend the lad had not said that. "Thanks to you, young master, every morning the postman comes with packages from the travelling salesmen you traded with."

Zunari had no idea what he said to anger the young master or his companions, but the one mystical ball seemed to emit an evil aura.

"I, er, ahem." Zunari coughed. "I must thank you from the bottom of my heart. This is my most prized possession—next to my hoodie coat, of course! It is none other than the Zunari family treasure… Please accept it!"

DUH DUH NUUUUUUHHHH! Young Master Link obtained Zunari's Treasure: The Magic Armour! Shut up, Microsoft Word; it's Canadian spelling.

"This is the only heirloom I brought with me when I moved here from my hometown." Zunari paused. "…Well, excluding the lovely sail you purchased from me earlier, of course! It is a magical heirloom…one that calls up a mysterious power to protect your body from harm."

"See, Navi? Doesn't that sound useful?" Link asked.

"Hmph. _Maybe._"

Zunari assumed the one with the irritated aura was called 'Navi'.

"Of course, you can use it even when you are sailing the open seas. My dear! Please! Use this to protect yourself…as you seek out more merchants! I beg of you!" Zunari exclaimed.

"Um, I'd love to, but…" Link pointed to Navi.

"And please, be on the constant lookout for new and exciting products…" Zunari then added: "…Not that I have anything left to reward you with if you find any…"

Without any warning, Link and the two fairies took their leave.

"Are we done here?" Navi turned to Link.

"We're done here," Link said.

Ivan nodded.

"Good. Now let's stop wasting time," Navi said.

"Can we try out the Magic Armour first?" Link asked. "I swear; this won't take a minute."

"Can I punch you?" Navi said warningly.

"If I'm wearing the Magic Armour, then yes, I give you permission to punch me," Link said.

Navi shrugged. "Fine. I might as well relieve some stress."

Link pulled out the diamond shaped spell. Link stared at the purple diamond, wondering how to activate it, until he noticed the swirling purple light surrounding his entire body. Link turned to Navi, then nodded.

There was a loud crash. The inhabitants of Windfall whipped their heads around to the source of the sound. There was Link: embedded into the brickwork of the schoolhouse. Link waved back.

"Hi…um… Hey! I'm completely fine!" Link's face lit up. "Awesome!"

Mrs. Marie peeked out of her door.

"If you don't mind!" Mrs. Marie shook her fist. "I would _like _to polish my two thousand and five Joy Pendants in peace!"

"Sorry." Link stepped out from the wall.

Quickly brushing off the residue, Link walked away from his imprint, and back to Ivan and Navi. Link didn't need to see her face to tell that she was grinning from ear to ear.

"You have no idea how satisfying that was," Navi chuckled. "Mind if I go again?"

"Um, I guess—"

Navi slapped Link across the face. Link fell over.

"Hey! Could you tone it down a bit?" Link huffed.

"Interesting…" Navi kicked Link in the forehead. "So, Magic Armour keeps you from getting hurt, but it doesn't protect you from getting pushed around…"

"Cut it out, already!" Link protested.

"Fine." Navi helped Link up.

"Thank you—"

"Just one more."

Navi grabbed Link's arm, swung him around a couple times, and flung him into the air. He flew right through the windmill's wing and collided with the roof of the Bomb Shop.

"Ahhhh…" Navi sighed with relief. "That trading side quest was worth it, if only for that."

Navi and Ivan flew over to Link. Link did not look impressed.

"Well, I hope you're happy, because I'm completely depleted of magic, now." Link tapped his foot.

"More than you could ever know," Navi said.

Ivan giggled nervously.

"Say, Ivan, you've been awfully quiet…" Link noted. "Is something wrong?"

"I don't have Punching Bag Armour," Ivan whispered.

Link raised both eyebrows. "Oh."

"Now, let's get a move on!" Navi beamed. "Ganondorf has probably taken over the world five times over by now, but that's where we come in!"

"Yay!" Ivan cheered.

"Okay, wow, your enthusiasm is scaring me. Stop it," Link said.

"No." Navi smiled.

"This'll be so much octopus!" Ivan danced in circles.

"Whatever." Link rolled his eyes. "A deal's a deal. Let's go get…um…who are we getting again?"

Navi slapped her forehead.

"What? It's been a while!" Link shrugged.

"Well, I'm assuming that we have to go to Headstone Island first, since in order to get in there, we had to get Fire Arrows, and since Aurora said 'Fire and Ice Arrows', I'm assuming that it means we're doing whatever dungeon is in Headstone, first."

"I'm betting it's the Earth Temple the…um, guy mentioned," Link pondered. "After all, rocks are from the earth, and Gale Isle is, you know, about wind and stuff."

"Right. And the dead sages told us that we need to bring the people who have their instruments and bring them to their temples," Navi continued.

"So we bring Rhapsody to the Earth Temple, and the Maker to the Wind Temple!" Ivan exclaimed.

There was a pause.

"Uh, no, Ivan. Think about what you said," Navi said. "Medli is a bird. Makar is a withered tree stump. Why would you take a bird to a temple of earth, and a tree to a temple of wind?"

"Not to mention that Headstone is close to Forest Haven and Gale Isle is close to Dragon Roost." Link had some trouble getting the Sea Chart out.

"But…but…" Ivan paused.

"So, by deductive reasoning alone, it makes a lot more sense to bring Makar to Headstone Island and Medli to Gale Isle!" Navi nodded.

"Besides," Link looked at the map, "if what the old guy told us is right, and the islands are just old mountains, why would my ancestors make their sages travel practically halfway across the map, when the sages could just worship at the temples nearby?" Link shook his head. "Honestly, Ivan, even I don't think what you said makes any sense."

"Oh…" Ivan frowned.

"Okay!" Navi's vigor was restored. "Now let's quit our dawdling and go to Forest Haven to get Makar!"

"Right." Link nodded. "Now back to the boat. We have a cyclone to catch."

* * *

Fortunately for his fairy friend, it didn't take Link a great deal of time to locate Makar, for as soon as he got to the island, he could hear the familiar screeching of the little Korok. Link soon pinpointed the sound to behind a waterfall, and used the Grappling Hook to get in.

"Great Deku Tree…" Ivan sniffled.

"Yeah, come on, Link, why can't we go see the Great Deku Tree?" even Navi sounded a bit sad.

"After the impression we made _last time?_" Link rung out his tunic. "Yeah, no. Let's take the Korok and run."

Navi paused. "Okay, good point."

"But Deku Great Tree…" Ivan whimpered.

"Maybe another time, Ivan," Navi said in a comforting tone.

"Yo!" Link wiped his damp hands on his leggings. "Makar!"

The yelling and violin music abruptly stopped. Link looked up and saw what would be a blank faced Korok (if his facial expression could actually change). There was a pile of broken violins beside him.

"Oh, uh, Link!" Makar hid his violin behind his back. "I haven't seen you in quite some time, have I? I'm surprised you were able to find me here."

"Why are you down here in the first place?" Navi asked.

"I'm practicing a new song for the next year's ceremony," Makar explained. "And I need privacy! It isn't any fun if everyone knows in advance what song I'll play."

"You might want to turn it down a notch then," Link said.

"We could hear it everywhere!" Ivan exclaimed. "It was beautiful!"

"No! Ivan!" Navi nudged Ivan. "You'll only encourage him!"

"What? You can hear my song outside? Ruh-really…?" Makar paled slightly. "I thought the sound of the waves would drown it out…"

"Dude, we could hear you when we were over Bomb Island. And we were in a cyclone!" Navi said.

"Perhaps I should play a little more softly when I practice from now on," Makar pondered. "Please, if you don't mind, keep the fact that I'm practicing a secret. I don't want everyone to know about it."

With that, Makar resumed screaming at the top of his lungs.

"—AND YOUR MONKEY'S A *#$& AND YOUR GRANDMA #*$^S DAILY AND YOU SMELL LIKE *&*#* #$)$ #%*$(ING *$#$ER!" was only one fragment of what Makar 'sang'.

"Ahh!" Link covered his ears.

"Oh, Din! Oh, Din!" Navi flew around in circles.

"But I like it when my Grandma $#&%s daily," Ivan said.

"Ack! Ivan! No! Crap, um, Link! Do something!" Navi let out.

"Like what?!" Link yelled over the little tree stump.

"I dunno! Beat him over the head with the Wind Waker until he shuts up, or something!" Navi yelled back.

Link threw Komali's Rubber Duck at Makar. This effectively shut Makar up when it bounced off his leaf.

Ivan started clapping. "Now Mr. Tubby can $%#& daily too!"

"I still like my way better, but that works, too." Navi stared. "Now, quick! Play the song before he starts again!"

"You want me to sing?" Link asked.

"No! I mean the stick motions or whatever it is, that you learned at Headstone! Hurry!" Navi said.

Link pulled out the Wind Waker. He paused.

"What were they again?" Link asked.

"Never mind, just play anything—" Navi grumbled.

"Why, is that a conductor's baton?" Makar gasped. "Link! Are you a maestro? That's incredible! Are you going to conduct for me, Link? What kind of song is it? I can't wait to hear it! Please, conduct!"

Link stared at Navi, then at Makar. He played the Wind's Requiem. Airborne droplets from the waterfall sprayed in from outside and soaked all three of our heroes.

"It's a waterslide!" Ivan was the only one who fell over, though.

"Hmmm… That's a nice song," Makar said, then muttered to himself: "Is that it? My songs are better than that…"

"Oh, they are _not!_" Navi huffed.

"Oh! I'm sorry! Did you hear that?" Makar gulped. "I guess that was kind of rude!"

"You know what rude means?" Link blinked. "Assuming from the content of your lyrics, I didn't know you even knew the courtesy existed—"

"Link, try again!" Navi whispered.

"Oh, right."

Link held up the Wind Waker once more.

"Oh! Are you going to conduct for me again?" Makar's face lit up again. "Ooh, I can't wait! This will be so much fun!"

Link paused. He started to play the Command Melody, but then realized that if Makar didn't appreciate the Wind's Requiem, then there was no **way **he would like the most boring song ever. Link stared at his Wind Waker pensively.

"Um, Swordsman?" Makar cocked his head.

"Are you thinking about whether or not you *#&$ daily too?" Ivan seemed concerned.

"Gah! Here!" Navi pulled up Link's Start Menu.

"I really need to learn how that works…" Link paused.

"Play this one." Navi pointed to the Earth God's Lyric.

Link complied. Makar stared.

"Ummm…" Makar paused. "That one was nice too…I guess…"

"Okay, look, you're a sage," Link said. "We've come here to take you to an underground temple where you'll…um, pray, I guess."

"We just need you to come with us." Navi flew up to Makar. "The fate of the world kind of depends on it, and all."

"I, um, what?" If Makar could blink, he would have.

"Just come with us," Navi groaned. "We've already wasted who knows how much time, and your cooperation would make this so much easier."

"But what about next year's performance? Who will play for the Great Deku—" Makar began.

"**Come**," Link and Navi said in unison.

* * *

Link's little red boat spiraled down from the sky. It landed safely on the waters in front of Headstone Island.

"Ugh… And I thought sailing was bad…" Navi hung over the edge of the boat.

"Weee!" Ivan flew around in circles.

"Curse you and your immunity to motion sickness!" Navi shook her fist before resuming her previous position.

"I feel a little bit nauseous, but apart from that, I—wait, where's Makar?" Link looked around.

There was a splash a few feet behind them.

"Navi, can you do the honours?" Link asked.

"I'm a bit queasy right now."

"I'll meet you on shore." Link pointed to the beach.

Navi let out a chain of swears that put Makar's songs to shame. Link hopped out of the boat.

"Hey, do you mind if I use some of those for one of my songs?" Makar asked.

"Um… If I don't have to hear it, then sure." Navi carried the little tree stump towards the beach.

Makar took off his leaf and began scribbling notes on it with his violin bow.

"Makar, listen carefully to what I am about to tell you!" Ivan flew up to the faceless tree stump.

"Annnd, Ivan's having an O.N.A." Link put his hands behind his head.

Navi sighed. "Brilliant."

"The temple head is the nest of an evil creature…the same creature that stole the life of your predecessor, the sage," Ivan jolted. "It is a dark and frightening place. That is why if you do nothing else, then at least do this..."

There was a sharp 'bzzt' that emitted from Ivan. Ivan shook his head.

"Huh? Wha?" Ivan looked around.

"And…his O.N.A. short circuited…" Link paused.

"Seriously, did the King get his equipment fifth-hand or something?" Navi asked.

"I don't understand!" Makar grabbed Ivan out of the air and shook the little fairy. "Do what? At least do _what?!_"

"It _tiiinnnnngggglllleeessss!_" Ivan let out.

"Look, Makar, just do what I tell you to and everything should work out fine," Navi said.

"You mean me, right?" Link asked.

"Uh, no. I've seen you dungeon crawl," Navi said.

"Whatever happened to you being nicer to me?" Link raised an eyebrow.

"Grrr…! Fine! Fine." Navi groaned. "Just…! Just don't dawdle, okay? We're behind schedule."

"Psh, you worry too much." Link smirked. "Now, everyone, let's move out!"

With that, the team headed into the cave. Where they stood face to face with a giant slab of rock.

"What's the plan now, genius?" Navi asked.

"Working on it," Link answered.

"Try playing…whatever song that is on the rock with Makar," Navi said. "I get the feeling that it's supposed to do something."

"Can't hurt."

"But it shows a Harpie—" Ivan began.

"In a minute, Ivan. We're busy."

Link played the Earth God's Lyric on his Wind Waker. Makar clumsily played along. There was a pause.

"Well, that was productive." Navi huffed. "Now what?"

"We should get Rhapsody to tango with!" Ivan spoke up.

"Perhaps it means we need a more invigorating masterpiece to get past this barrier!" Makar got a familiar glint in his leaf hole.

Makar brandished his violin.

"No, Makar, wait—" Link and Navi gagged.

It was too late.

"LINK YOU *&#$IDDITY #( *$IDDITY *$(! YOU SON OF A *#$ *^$ $# %ER!" Makar let loose. "I HOPE YOU ) #* ($%^*# #&# IN &# $*#% *$*!"

"Hey, that sounds kind of like otherworldly cheese…" Ivan pondered. "I think I've tasted it before…"

"Huh…" Link paused. "So _that's _what you said the first time…"

"I…I just…can't…" Navi face palmed.

Link held his hands over his ears. It would stop. Eventually. Link looked up. His eyes widened. The large stone slab cracked from side to side. With a loud crash, it shattered into a million pieces.

Link, Navi, Ivan, and Makar stared in silence.

"Holy *#&. It worked," Link said.

"Yay, *#)(ers! (#(%*ing, yay!" Ivan cheered.

"#$& , he's rubbing off on us." Navi groaned.

"And how was that?" Makar straightened up proudly.

"Excruciating," Navi said.

"But it did work," Link admitted.

"Somehow."

Makar bowed. "Thank you, thank you."

"Maybe his voice is like the sour milk…" Navi pondered.

"And goat cheese!" Ivan added.

"Link." Navi nudged Link.

"Oh, right, um…let's go!" Link led the way.

Link hopped down into a hole in the next room, with the others close behind.

* * *

A boy with red hair landed on Headstone Island. He pulled up on the loosely strung rope around the Kargaroc's neck. The Kargaroc did not wish to comply, however, and a kerfuffle ensued. The boy flung off, and his face firmly planted in the sand. The bird squawked angrily at the kid.

"Stupid bird!" the boy yelled when he regained his composure. "What is it about landing smoothly don't you understand?!"

The Kargaroc preened its feathers.

"Hey! I'm talking to you!" the kid yelled.

The Kargaroc spat at the boy.

"Ack! Get it off! Get it off!" The kid squirmed.

The boy rubbed his eyes fanatically until they stung less. He squinted his puffy eyes. There was the boat. That red boat. _His _red boat.

Sure, the redhead sat up. Link, was it? Yeah, that sounded like his dorky, pathetic, absolutely not cool name. If it wasn't for _him_, then he would still be riding around on Karas not this stupid…

The redhead paused. He still hadn't thought of a name for his new bird, had he?

The boy glanced at the Kargaroc just in time to see it taking off. The boy leapt after the rope.

"Oh no, you don't!" The kid pulled back with all his might. "It took us this long to track down this guy… You are _not _stranding me here!"

Managing to hold the Kargaroc down with all his weight, the bird gave the kid a displeased look. The boy glared back. The bird went back to preening itself.

That was another thing, the boy thought. Ever since that jerk, _Link_, came along, for some reason, the redhead had a harder time controlling birds of the Sham Forest. Before, he had no problems managing a freaking Helmaroc King, and now he couldn't even get a Kargaroc to listen to him! How stupid was that?!

It was all his fault! All of it! If Link hadn't come along, then Karas would still be…would still be…!

That's why he needed to pay.

The redhead reached for the dagger at his side. He stared intensely at his reflection in the blade. The dip in the blade made it so that he could only see his one eye. He frowned. His eyes still looked puffy. Dang it. He couldn't have that jerk think he was crying or something.

The boy stared at the Kargaroc. He paused. Then, he led the Kargaroc over to a heavy looking rock. He wrapped the rope around the rock and tied a knot. He tied another. And another. And another. And another, just to be sure. Aw, heck, why not one more? Ehh, two more can't hurt…

The red haired boy took a step back and admired his tangled mess of knots. He nodded to himself. That ought to be enough.

With one last glance at his mount, the red haired boy ran into the cave with dagger in hand.

* * *

A shrill shriek filled the air.

"OH DIN! There's another one!" Navi screamed.

"A Dead Reed!" Ivan yelled.

"No, Ivan, it's Redead—why am I correcting you?! AAHHHHHH!" Navi panicked.

From out of the shadows, the glowing red eyes slowly emerged into what little light the area had. A skeletal figure crept forth; its skin tinted blue as a result from its decay. From its half exposed teeth came the blood-curdling shriek that had stopped every one of our heroes in their tracks.

"E. for Everyone my & #!" Navi let out. "This will even give _me_ nightmares, and I'm three hundred and seventy-two!"

"Beautiful! Exquisite!" Makar scribbled passionately onto the back of his leaf. "Don't stop, my dear! Your soprano is to die for!"

"Literally, as it is killing me slowly." Navi looked around. "And, Link, why aren't you attackin—THIS IS NO TIME FOR PICTOGRAPHS!"

"B-b-b-but I s-still haven't taken one of these guys—" Link said behind chattering teeth.

"I DON'T *#&$ING CARE! Kill it! Kill it! Kill it!" Navi yelled.

Shaking, Link nodded. Link wobbled over to the mummified abomination and hacked away at it until it keeled over. The body lingered on.

"Ugh, hurry up and spill the goods already," Navi said to the corpse. "We know you have something!"

"Alas, such a tragic end to such a charming voice…" Makar sniffled.

"Farewell, sweet popsicle…" Ivan bowed in respect.

"Ivan, that thing could have given Link rabies," Navi said.

"It's flavour shall always linger in my tummy…" Ivan repressed a sob.

"You _tasted_ it?!" Navi let out.

The body went up in a poof of purple smoke. A red rupee was left behind.

"_Daaaang,_ those were some good embalmers," Navi said. "That took *#&ing forever."

"Whenever the body just lies there like that, I always expect them to get back up and start screaming again…" Link gulped.

"Well, thankfully, it didn't." Navi sighed. "Okay, so, which way next?"

"To the moon!" Ivan piped up.

Link wandered off.

"Ivan, I don't think that's possible," Navi said.

"The moon! Of course!" Makar exclaimed. "I've never written a song about the moon before! Let's see Lindar accuse me of recycling content _now!_"

"Write about it later!" Navi piped up. "We're kind of in the middle of saving the world, here! And where has Link gone off to?"

A beam of light engulfed the three sprites. A statue beside them crumbled. They turned and saw a doorway was now accessible.

"That's where we go next," Link said.

"Okay, um, as helpful as that was, why the crap did you do that?" Navi asked.

"Ivan said we should go to the moon, and the moon reflects light, so obviously he meant that—" Link began.

"Never mind." Navi groaned. "I'm not sure why I asked in the first place. Lead on."

The team entered through the door. There was a pause.

"OH (#*%! NOT FLOOR MASTE_RRRRRSSSSSSS_!" a yell was heard just before it faded away.

* * *

A small boy dashed from shadow to shadow—the poor lighting helped considerably. The redhead pushed himself against a wall that met his fancy. He peered around it, then jumped back. That boy _Link_, two fairies, and a withered tree stump went by.

"Egads…" It was the voice of that fairy. "Why does it feel like this dungeon is out to get us?"

"I agree…" _Link_'s voice spoke up. "The previous dungeons I could have potentially finished by myself… But, seriously, if I didn't have you and Ivan helping me out with some stuff, I don't know how I would have gotten this far."

"I am seriously considering asking for payment, at this point…" the annoying fairy groaned.

"And then there were those Purple Chu Chus…" Did _Link _just shudder? "Oh, Cyclos, the Chu Chus…"

"Silence!" the tree stump yelled. "I cannot write my latest sonata if you keep nattering like that!"

"Yaay! Song storms!" That was the dumb fairy, wasn't it?

"Makar, we already told you, we don't like your singing," the annoying fairy said.

"_He_ does," the tree stump, Makar, said defiantly.

"Ivan doesn't count."

"Please." The tree stump huffed. "If I had let such petty criticisms get to me, I wouldn't have written twelve hundred and eighteen masterpieces, now would I?"

"Wow! That's just McDandiful!" The stupid fairy cheered. "You're the best Maker ever!"

"Augh, I wish we didn't have to have you along." _Link_ sounded annoyed; that was the most satisfying thing that had happened all week!

"But Rhapsody feathers—"

"Ivan, shut up!" Link and his other fairy said at the same time.

The air fell silent. Well, silent except for the tree stump's occasional remarks of "C Sharp to A Flat?" and "ah ha! G Minor! Of course!" To be honest, they were kind of annoying, the boy thought to himself. What was a Gee Minor anyway?

The redhead breathed heavily. Okay, he huffed. This was it. Time to get revenge. The moment he had been waiting for… It was now or never. Now…or never. Actually, he was kinda voting on 'never' right now. 'Now' can wait…for forever.

The boy shook his head. No. No! He couldn't just give up! This was that jerk Link! The jerk to end all jerks! The jerkity jerk to end all jerks! The boy couldn't just let Link get away again! Because…because, if it wasn't for Link, then…then…

The redhead reached into his Start Menu and pulled out a large, golden feather. He kept it as a memento from that time. The thought of letting it fall to the ground seemed so wrong. It was…too pretty. If that made any sense. And it still smelled like that stinky bird too.

The boy clenched the feather into his fist. He pocketed the feather and reached for his dagger. Karas wouldn't have wanted the kid to run away and hide! And that would be the last thing the kid would do!

The kid peered around the corner again to see Link and his gang of baddies go into another door. The redhead frowned. Crap! He was falling behind!

The red haired boy charged for the closed door. He wouldn't let Link get away that easily!

The door flung open; the kid leapt forth, holding his weapon high.

"It's time to pay, you stupid jerk!" was his battle cry.

He yelled loudly to as he ran. Then his foot met air. The kid blinked. In the excitement of the moment, the boy failed to notice the three foot drop in front of him.

"Uagh!" He landed flat on his face.

When the red head got most of the dirt out of his teeth, he met eye to eye with Link's gang of scum bags.

"You lost or something?" Navi asked.

"I…I-I-I-I've come for re-re-revenge!" The boy held up his quivering dagger. "It's time to pay!"

They stared at him for a moment.

"I'm still voting you're lost," Navi said.

"Eight rooms in, in a dungeon, in a cave, on an island, in the middle of nowhere?" Link asked.

"Very, incredibly, *#*ing lost." Navi confirmed.

"Don't you dare ignore me!" the boy snapped.

"_Maaaarrryyy!_" Ivan flew over and hugged to the kid's arm.

"Get off of me!" the kid snapped.

"Look, Gary, as much as we'd love to waste our time, we're kinda busy right now," Navi said. "We were getting a key, here, right?"

"My name's not Gary!" the boy fumed.

"Yeah, sure, whatever, Gary." Link turned around. "And, yeah, there should be a key. And I'm betting that it's in one of these coffins."

The boy blinked. He noticed for the four coffins embedded in the wall.

"Exactly." Navi flew up to the kid. "Now, skedaddle. Bother us again when we're bored."

"I've come to k-k-kill all of you!" Gary yelled.

"Yes, that's nice. Go away."

"But Mary can't go, Navi!" Ivan whimpered.

"Ivan, this brat's leaving, and that's final—oh, son of a #$*^%!" Navi let out.

The kid turned around to see the escape ladder suspended above them.

"Link, hurry up and find out what's this room's gimmick so he can get the *$& out," Navi instructed.

"But I want to kill him!" The redhead tapped his foot.

"Alright, then I'll do it myself!" Navi flew over to one of the coffins in a huff.

"Yaaay, #*$^, %*#, Navi, yaaay!" Ivan clapped.

The redhead was left speechless at the rate this fic was deteriorating.

"I didn't know you had a rival, Swordsman!" Makar gasped.

"He's not my rival," Link and the Gary-Stu said in unison.

"Hmm? How so—" Makar cocked his head.

A shrill scream filled the air. Everyone froze.

"AHHHHHH! $*#%ING REDEADS!" Navi was seen flying away from the source of the noise.

"Oooooo…" Ivan's jaw hung open.

"This…this melody!" Makar trembled. "Amazing! It's so emotionally stirring it has literally stopped me in my tracks!"

The animated corpse staggered over to its victims.

"That's not a *$#ing good thing!" Link's teeth chattered.

"I…I was wondering…what that sound was…" the redhead felt his knees buckling. "Oh Cyclos…the nightmares…"

Another screech erupted from behind them.

"And it's not that one either! Ahhhhh!" Navi flew by again.

The redhead slowly backed towards the empty wall behind him and hoped that none of the jerk squad would notice him sitting this one out. He…he had injured his foot when he tripped. Yeah, that was it.

"Of course! Why didn't I think of it before? A duet!" The withered tree stump was out of control. "Wonderful! Keep going, ladies! Keep going!"

"#$*%—NO!"

Though, it was amusing to see Link and his mean fairy suffer like this.

The red headed kid watched to his utter terror and utmost pleasure as Link hysterically flailed his sword around, got his head munched on, and his fairy scream her head off while flying around in circles. He was a bit weirded out when the other fairy came and sat on his shoulder, but he was giggling at the scene too, so it didn't bother the kid so much. And the most confusing of all of this, was the little tree stump. Was he…taking notes?

Soon, it all came to pass. A little too soon, in the boy's opinion. But it was a moment he would cherish for the rest of his life. The kid smiled as he looked over at Link, who stood trembling over a pile of three undead mummies.

The ladder fell onto the boy's head.

"Ow!" The redhead held his head.

"Good!" Navi was exasperated. "The ladder's down! Now you can stop laughing at us and go the *#&^ away!"

An idea came to him. "No!"

"_Excuse me?!_" Navi growled.

The red haired boy shuffled in front of the base of the ladder. "I said no! And I'm not letting you leave until I get my revenge!"

"So, you're not letting me leave at all, then?" Link asked. "Since you, uh, said you'd kill me."

"Yeah! I suppose I am!" The boy smirked.

There was a pause.

"Link, give me your arms." Navi turned to Link. "I'll carry you up."

"Hey! No fair!"

"Oh, and abusing your NPC Privileges _is?_" Navi scoffed.

"That's different! I'm getting revenge!" The boy protested.

"What does he want revenge for, exactly?" Makar asked.

"I killed his bird," Link replied.

"Well, actually his sister did..." Navi added. "How old is she again?"

"Eight."

"Wait just a minute! It was a bit more dramatic than that!" The boy protested.

"Oh? How so?" Makar got a glint in his eye.

"Well, uh…" This question caught the boy off guard. "He…um…he came all up into the Fortress and started killing everything for no reason!"

"They were Moblins!" Link protested. "And Aryll's henchgirls killed off most of them, anyway!"

"I see! I see!" Makar was ecstatic. "You're saying Mr. Swordsman has a darker, more poetic side to him!"

"Makar, you're wasting our time," Navi said.

"Shh! Not now!" Makar hushed. "Go on, my boy! Go on!"

"Anyway, so here I was, just minding my own business, when he just comes along and makes things difficult. Ganondorf didn't think him coming was anything special, but when I watched Karas go down, I knew that Link was pure evil!"

"I still can't believe he gave that bird a name," Link muttered.

"Me neither," Navi added.

"So, Swordsman took the life of this 'Carcass' of yours, in a violent and uncontrollable rage?" Makar asked. "Do you happen to know his motivation?"

"Come on, anybody can figure _that _out! Link is the biggest jerkface to have ever lived, ever! I thought Ganondorf was bad, but he's nothing next to this meanie, here!" The red haired kid glared at Link.

"I see! I see!" Makar took off his leaf again.

"Okay, now this is just getting embarrassing for all parties involved," Navi grumbled. "Link, Ivan, Makar, we're leaving."

"Hey! Who said that you could leave?!" The redhead stood up.

"My muscles, that's who." Navi grabbed onto Link's arm. "Now either—"

"Fascinating!" Makar exclaimed. "Inspiring! Simply inspiring! Such raw passion! Such untapped drama! Mr. Tragic Hero, you are going places!"

"I am?" The kid smiled; things were finally letting up!

"Of course! And my intuition is never wrong!" Makar nodded.

"Ob_jection!_" Navi piped up.

"Over rulered!" Ivan exclaimed.

"Huh, I never thought about it, but maybe I _am_ going places!" The redhead beamed.

"In fact, I will write a song in your honor!" Makar pulled out his violin. "I'm sure you'll love it."

"Wow! I've never had a song written about me before…" The boy was beaming.

Link and Navi paled. "Oh, &#^$…! No!" They were just jealous.

Makar inhaled deeply. "LINK! YOU *$(ING *$$IBBITY *#^$ ( $ER! I *$#ING HATE YOU! YOU *$^$ING *###ED MY *#ER!"

"Ack!" The kid fell over.

"AND BECAUSE YOU WERE SUCH A #*%IBBITY *#^* *^*&, I HAVE TO #*^*^* YOUR $)(%ER! AND THAT IS SUCH A *#* *##ING #*$ !" Makar screeched.

"Whoa! Hold on, dude!" The redhead paled. "If I had known you sang like _that_—"

"Didn't your Great Tree ever tell you that it's rude to interrupt?" Makar tapped his foot.

"Oh, yeah, mom did say something about that," the kid pondered. "Uh, sorry."

"Apology accepted." Makar nodded.

With that, Makar continued.

"AND *^* ME IF I'M WRONG, BUT YOU ^^** #&$* *^## ED FOR NO *##$ING REASON!" Makar jammed. "LIKE, WHAT THE *#&$ IS THAT?!"

"My ears!" the boy squirmed. "_Zephos_, it's worse than those blue zombie things from earlier! My poor, poor, aching ears…"

"Well, you kinda set yourself up for this." Navi flew over. "You deserve it."

The boy spun around. "Take that bac—"

"WHO *#$ING #$$% DOES THAT?! LIKE, WHAT THE #&$#, YOU #&$#IBBITY *$* $%R!?" Makar skid across the floor, dancing to his own jams. "DON'T YOU HAVE ANYTHING *#&ING BETTER TO DO WITH YOUR *$#ING %&$* LIFE?!"

The kid glared at Link, then in horror at the singing Korok. "Grr…Y…You got lucky this time!"

Link never knew that someone could climb up a ladder so fast.

"THINK THINGS THROUGH, YOU #*$*ING *$%^ER!" Makar screeched.

"Din, he's _still _&$%*ing going?" Navi groaned.

"Oh, yeah!" Makar strummed his violin for his finale.

"Apple core! Apple cor—pmfh!" Navi covered Ivan's mouth before he could compliment Makar any more.

"Do I hear an encore?" Makar asked; then looked around. "Hmm? The Tragic Hero has left?"

"Yes. He, uh, had an appointment…or something." Link shrugged.

"I told you he would come back to bite us in the butt later," Navi muttered.

"Mary's a butt biter?!" Ivan gasped.

There was a long pause.

"I've got to keep that in mind for a future song…" Makar muttered as he scribbled down the words on his leaf.

"No, Makar. Dungeon crawling." Navi spoke up.

"Right." Link headed up the ladder. "Gah…why is it always ladders?"

"Keep it moving, tubby." Navi turned to Makar and Ivan. "Come on, you two!"

Ivan nodded and clapped again for some reason, and Makar pulled out his Deku Propeller. The team headed out of the room and into the locked door on the left.

"AHHHH! STALFOS!" the door cried out.

"I'm surprised you even know what those ar—AHHHH!" Another voice screamed.

* * *

Hours of dungeon crawling later…

"Augh! Boss's room! _Finally!_" Link gargled. "As cool as it is, even that Mirror Shield so doesn't make up for all the singing we had to put up with."

"The Deku Tree was right!" Navi gasped. "It _does_ get worse over time."

"The Great Deku Tree would never say that!" Makar protested.

"*$&# off, *$&," Navi said.

"Don't worry, Maker." Ivan hugged Makar. "The Great Deku Tree loves you."

Ivan looked up, but then let go when he realized that the Maker wasn't hugging him back. That was okay, Ivan thought to himself. They'd just bungee jump, later.

"Okay, just pop the key in and…" Link the Frog put the toothpick into the confetti maker.

"Say, whatever happened to Gary?" Navi asked. "He kinda just vanished after the Redead incident…"

"No, he's still following us." Link pointed behind him. "He's just been keeping his distance."

"Have not!" Mary's voice yelled from across the well.

"Yeah, sure thing, Gary."

Suddenly, the mattress rose up like fireworks.

"Mattresses can fly like fire!" Ivan had to share his discovery.

"Good for you, Ivan." It was nice to know that Navi was always there to support him.

"Well, are we heading in, or are we heading in?" the Tree Frog made his fists crack.

"Just a moment…" the Maker was poking something onto his plate.

"Oh! Oh! I'll go! I'll go!" Ivan raised his hand. "I want to help the basketball game for once!"

Ivan flew off ahead. He heard Navi call out to him, but Ivan's mind was made up. It wasn't fair for Tree Frog to handle all the basketball matches by himself all the time. So this time, Ivan decided that he was gonna help!

Ivan gazed upon the site. The walls were like durians and skipping stones. The stars were crying, and left cone-shaped puddles. Exactly…like…a basketball!

Ivan wanted to see if he could knit with the durians, when a large white thing looked at him. Ivan paused. It was white, and had two big whirlpools on it. It was obviously a backboard!

"Basketball finals!" Ivan hugged the backboard.

"Farore, what are you on about—holy &#^!" It sounded like Navi was close by.

Ivan looked at Navi, then turned around. That's when some balloon animals Ivan had seen earlier in the dungeon, flew over to the backboard, making it jiggle. They must have been tickling it, Ivan decided. Then the backboard puffed up into a balloon and held a large firefly. When the backboard balloon shook the firefly, it farted smoke.

"Now, that's a big Poe." Oh, silly Tree Frog. It wasn't a pole, it was a backboard balloon!

"You're telling me! Say, where's Makar?" Navi asked.

"Outside. The door slammed before he could get in." Tree Frog shrugged.

Ivan could hear the Maker's singing. It was like popcorn…

"Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to fill up that last space in my Pictobox." Frog held up his brick.

"And Ivan, what are you doing over there?! Get back! Now!" Navi said.

"But, Navi, how will I help Tree Frog with the basketball match if I'm over there?" Ivan pouted.

"I have no idea what you're on, but get into Link's hat!" It was scary when Navi yelled.

"Oh…" Ivan frowned. "Okay, Navi…"

Ivan slowly flew back over to the house. Tree Link stood in a star tear and held up his moon. The star tears bounced off the moon and rushed past Ivan. Ivan turned around to see the giant balloon dancing. And then the balloon became…solid! The star tears must have made him into a bowling ball, Ivan nodded to himself.

"Ivan, hurry up! I don't want to see you get eaten again!" Navi called out.

"I was eated?" Ivan blinked.

Ivan watched as Tree Frog lifted up the bowling ball and rolled it at a durian.

"Eat that, fat face!" Tree Frog laughed.

The bowling ball popped, which must have made the stars _really _sad, since they cried even harder. The room was full of tears! And all the balloon animals came out twirled around. They must like swimming. Ivan frowned. Who was going to tell them that star tears couldn't be swum in?

Ivan took it upon himself to do just that. "Guys! Guys! Swimming isn't the answer!"

"Ivan, stop talking to the bazillion Poes, and get in the hat!" Navi snapped.

That's when he realized.

"Spin and pop the balloon animals!" Ivan called to Link Tree Frog.

"Hurricane spin to defeat the Poes. Right." Ivan found it funny how Tree Frog would repeat him incorrectly.

"Screw it. If you want to put yourself in danger, then fine. See if I care." It was nice of Navi to be so understanding. "I don't feel like getting nauseated right now, so I'll be chilling on this spike until somebody sees sense around here."

"You won't regret the basketball match!" Ivan waved.

Navi pretended not to listen, but Ivan knew she was. Ivan looked down and saw that Tree Frog had stopped spinning. The balloon animals that were left went back to the backboard, which came back after the stars used tissues. That's when the giant balloon inflated again.

"It lives!" Ivan could not express his amazement.

"Ugh…I think I'm going to throw up…" Tree Frog was looking green.

"Not now, Tree Frog," Ivan said. "We need to make him a bowling ball again!"

"Um, you mean make the Poe solid?" the frog asked.

"So we can durian it!" Ivan continued.

"I still can't believe you're listening to him," Navi muttered.

Ivan turned to the balloon. Balloons that squeeze fireflies were just evil! Or was it lanterns? Ivan shrugged. It didn't matter; either way, the balloon was still evil. And he had to help Tree Frog with the basketball game!

"If star tears can do it, maybe I can too!" Ivan rolled up his sleeves, despite not wearing clothes.

"What goes on in that head of yours?!" Navi got very loud.

Ivan ran up to the big balloon and made himself brighter. The light from his glow made a small patch of the balloon turn into a bowling ball. That's when Tree Link Frog shone the tears off of his moon. The big balloon fell down and did summersaults before Ivan could say 'supercalifragilisticexpialid ocious'. Ivan paused. How was that said, anyway?

It didn't matter, because the balloon animals reappeared and began swimming once more. Link Frog did his job and spun a lot! Twirly…twirly…twirly…

But then the backboard appeared again! That wasn't good! How would Tree Frog be able to unswim the balloon animals if the backboard just kept hiding them in his super secret pockets?! He had to do something! Ivan flew over to the backboard.

"Bad backboard!" Ivan slapped the backboard.

It stared at him. And so did the balloon animals. They were amazed that Ivan could count to one hundred in multiples of pie. Mmmm… Pie.

Ivan began bouncing on the backboard. "Quick, Tree Frog! Become a pinwheel again!"

"Hurricane spin? _Again?_" Tree Frog sounded a bit confused by the instructions.

"Quickly! Before the Oompa-Loompas come!" And nobody liked Oompa-Loompas.

"Oh, Cyclos, here goes…" Tree Frog held out his sword.

Tree Frog pinwheeled again, and it was shiny. Ivan continued to enjoy his trampoline bounce. Ivan paused. Why was he on a trampoline again?

"My…DIN, Link!" Navi yelled. "Why are you still listening to this guy!?"

"Yoooou undereeeeestimaaaate hiiiiiimm!" Tree Link knew big words too.

And so the last balloon animal popped. Ivan looked over. He frowned. The backboard was sad! And it flew up and drowned in star tears! Ivan didn't know that would happen! He started to cry.

"I'm sorry backboard!" Ivan wailed.

"Underestimate him, huh?" Navi asked.

"My point still stands."

That's when the mattress lifted.

"AND NEVER ^#*$ING *##$ AGAIN, YOU $*#*ER!" Mmmm… Popcorn…

"Oh, hey, Makar." Tree Link frog waved.

"Greetings! And good news!" the Maker exclaimed. "Your heartless actions have inspired me to write another masterpiece!"

"Yaaay! Maker!" Ivan clapped.

"Did I miss anything?" Makar asked.

"Link threw up three times and Ivan has a death wish," Navi said.

"Is it good song material?" Makar's face lit up.

"No!" Link and Navi snapped.

Link went over and grabbed the Heart Piece. DUH DUH DUH NUUUUUUHHHH! Link got a Heart Piece! Redundant paragraph is redundant! With that, Link, Navi, Ivan, and Makar walked over to a lit up tile on the floor.

"So, um…" Link paused. "Does anyone know how we're supposed to do this?"

Navi and Makar shook their heads.

"What about you, Ivan?" Link asked.

"It'll fly, don't worry," Ivan said reassuringly.

Link walked into the light. The Master Sword shot out of its sheath and floated there.

"Huh…um…shall we play?" Link asked.

"I'd thought you'd never ask!" Makar's face lit up.

"No, no, my tune this time!" Link said.

"Hmph!" Makar huffed.

Link held his Wind Waker high, as Makar brandished his violin once more. Together, they played the Earth God's Lyric. Nothing happened.

"Navi, can you poke it, or something?" Link asked. "To see if it worked?"

Navi flew in and tapped the sword. The jewel in the hilt started glowing.

Link raised both eyebrows. "Cool."

"I guess we just…leave?" Navi asked.

"I suppose it's too late for fried chicken…" Ivan sighed.

"Yes, yes it is," Navi said. "Anyway, you coming?"

"I dunno…" Link paused. "Shouldn't Makar say something like his ancestors are pleased that the Master Sword has some of its power back and how we should go on our journey and how happy this makes him and blah blah blah?"

"Erm…" Makar paused. "My ancestors are pleased that the Master Sword has some of its power back and you should go on your journey and this makes me very happy and…blah blah blah?"

"No." Link shook his head. "Doesn't feel right when you just repeat it like that."

"Well, I will tell you one thing I _am _glad for!" Makar bounced up and down.

"…I'm afraid to ask," Navi whispered.

"Thanks to you three," Makar straightened up proudly, "I now can practice my new song for next year's ceremony without anybody being to hear me!"

There was a pause.

"Yeah, um, see you in a long time." Link waved.

"Farewell, swordsman!" Makar beamed.

Link walked into the light and warped to another location.

"Erm, bye." Navi warped away.

"See you around, Muffins!" Ivan exclaimed.

With that, the little fairy warped away into the beam of light.

"Now, where was I? Oh yes." The Korok cleared his throat. "…AND YOUR MONKEY'S A *#$& AND YOUR GRANDMA #*$ S DAILY AND YOU SMELL LIKE *&* * #$)$ #%*$(ING *$#$ER!"

* * *

The red haired boy ran out of the cave. He stopped to catch his breath.

"Dang it, why did the thing that could warp me back have to be across a large pit of death?!" the boy huffed. "Stupid backtracking… This wouldn't be a _problem_ if I still had Karas, now would it?"

The kid looked around. The little red boat was nowhere in sight. Brilliant; the boy kicked a rock. Link's jerk squad was probably already halfway across the map by now! It would take him freaking forever to track them down by bird again!

Speaking of birds, where was the Kargaroc?

The red haired kid looked over to where he had tied the bird down. The loose ropes dangled around the rock.

Crap.

"Augh, that's just great! Perfect!" the kid let out. "Now I'm stranded here on top of it all!"

The boy plopped himself down on the sand.

"At least I won't starve…" the kid grumbled.

The red haired boy pulled out an apple. He sank his teeth into it as he glared out at the horizon. As soon as he found a way to actually get off this rock, he _would _kill Link. The kid imagined the mouthful of apple was actually Link's head. That made the boy feel better.

That's when he heard a soft cooing. The boy turned his head and stared eye to eye with the Kargaroc. It looked at him keenly.

"I'm really beginning to hate you, you know that?" the kid growled.

The Kargaroc glanced at the apple, then back at the kid expectantly.

"I have half a mind to name you Balc." The boy said through clenched teeth. "It means 'back-stabber', you feather brain."

The Kargaroc rolled its eyes. It lurched its head forward and snatched the apple right out of the boy's hands.

"Hey!" The redhead protested.

The Kargaroc merrily pecked away on its tasty snack when the boy tackled him from the side.

"Balc it is!" The redhead let out. "I'll teach _you _to untangle my knots and steal my apples!"

Feathers flew everywhere as the boy wrestled with his bird. Frustrated grunts and protesting squawks were let out from both sides as sand was tossed up in the air. Neither of them noticed as the shiny, red apple rolled away from their squabble and down the beach. A wave caught it, and neither of the two noticed the apple, with equal sized bites in it, drift out to sea.

* * *

Cherry-sama: And that's Chapter 15! n.n

OoT Link: Seriously?! Only 30 pages? After all this time?!

Cherry-sama: I thought it'd be longer too, okay?

Navi: My Nayru, you can't even be bothered to work harder on your own _fanfiction?_ Now that's just sad.

Cherry-sama: You're just jealous that I'm Level 100 Conjuration~

Navi: Says the person who is still missing her right shoe.

Cherry-sama: _(looks at feet) _Huh. That I am. Hold on while I go track down Niko.

Navi: _(sighs)_ Well, while she's off doing that, I guess it's up to us to ask the question.

WW Link: Does anyone know what it was?

OoT Link: Not the faintest idea.

Navi: Brilliant. I guess we'll just have to come up with our own, then.

OoT Link: How about something more personal, this time!

WW Link: Like?

OoT Link: What does this story mean for the readers? There's obviously some reason why they've read hundreds of pages to get this far.

Navi: They're probably just really, really, really bored.

WW Link: She's got a point there, but I like the question anyway. Whether it's just to waste an afternoon, or to get through a long night of babysitting, it'd be interesting to see why people keep coming back to this story.

Navi: People come back? _(points at list of ever changing reviewer names)_

WW Link: Unless you have something better, just go with it.

Navi: Fine.

Cherry-sama: _(runs by in background)_ Niko! I want my shoe back!

Niko: _(running away from Cherry-sama)_ Oh ho ho! 4 8 15 16 23 42! Yar har!

Navi: _(facepalm)_

OoT Link: Please review! :D


	23. Chapter 16: Medli in the Wind Temple

**Chapter 16 (The tediously long updates return!)**

**Disclaimer: I do not own what I do not own. Simple enough? Good.**

* * *

_(Aryll passes out guns to other members of the Totally Bizarre Cast. On the wall is a poster of Cherry-sama labeled 'Shoot on sight'.)_

Aryll: You all know what to do.

OoT Link: This may be a really stupid question, but why are we going out of kill Cherry-sama, again?

Aryll: Onii-chan! Be serious! _(smacks OoT Link over the head)_

WW Link: Um, Aryll? I'm your brother.

Aryll: Whoops. Sorry, private.

OoT Link: Owww...

Navi: Isn't it obvious? She hasn't updated this fanfic since last spring! It's almost spring again! Three quarters of a year wasted! And all she posted in the meantime was this _stupid _fic about a bratty teenager getting what she deserves. Who wants to read about that?!

Medli: Wasn't she also developing her own game?

Aryll: Ha! Barely. Agent Mila, debrief this temporary ally on the details!

Mila: _(sighs)_ True, she started putting together a game using RPG Maker VX Ace and released a short Demo that she put together over the summer, but even though she's 90% done, she said that she wasn't able to work on it for a long time because of some _glitch_ that broke the game, or some nonsense like that. I don't know. Apparently she went into more detail on her profile, but nobody reads that gibberish.

Navi: And worst of all, the entire cast was made up of…_OCs!_

_(Medli gasps.)_

Aryll: Meanwhile, she leaves such thoughtful questions and reviews from Lysander Shado and Dia! So unprofessional!

Barrel: I…I'm…sorry… _(sniffles)_

Aryll: AH HA! SEIZE THAT BARREL!

Barrel: AHHHHHHH!

* * *

Link cruised over the ocean waves. The warm salt air rustled his hair gently. Navi, however, was not feeling so pleasant.

"It's better than cyclones…" Navi muttered to herself while hanging over the edge of the boat. "It's better than cyclones… It's better than cyclones… At least it's a bloody straight line."

A postbox on a nearby island caught Link's eye. It was wiggling.

The small red boat made a sharp turn.

"Oh, for the love of Din!" Navi let out.

As soon as the hull hit sand, Link hopped out of the boat and strode over to the dancing box.

'Gooood moooorrrning!' the postbox sang.

"Good morning to you, too." Link smiled. "I saw you wiggling. Got a letter for me?"

'Letters for Link?' the postbox asked. 'We have 2 letters! Here is your letter.'

"I'm becoming Mister Popular, now aren't I?" Link combed his hair back.

"Two letters doesn't mean anything… Urrggghh… I'm going to sprawl out on the ground over here…" Navi flew over to a patch of grass.

"She's just jealous…" Link smirked.

"I heard that."

'This parcel has been sent Cash-On-Delivery.' The Postbox chimed. 'Postage due is 201 Rupees. Will you pay?'

"No," Link said.

'E-Excuse me?' The Postbox paused.

"I said 'no'," Link repeated. "Even if it had a parcel with two hundred and one Heart Pieces attached, that's _waay _too expensive for one stinking letter. And anything asking for that much is obviously a scam."

'…Oh.' The Postbox stared. 'I see.'

"Link, just pay the stupid fine," Navi spoke up. "If it's important to the main quest, you're going to have to pay it, sooner or later."

Link rolled his eyes, but complied. He pushed in an orange rupee and a green one. The Postbox swallowed this and spat out the letter.

Link opened it. _'To the esteemed Mr period. Fairy-hyphen-Person comma,'_

Link slammed the letter back into the Postbox slot. The Postbox closed its slot as tightly as it could in protest.

'W-w-whut are wou dwoing?!' The Postbox squirmed.

"If you knew who sent this, you would be doing the same thing. Trust me," Link said.

'A-a-at weast twake twhe chwart twat cwame with it!' The Postbox pleaded. 'Iwt'll bwe easwier to swallow.'

Link grumbled to himself, took the chart that was stuffed in the bottom of the envelope, and shoved the crumpled letter back in the Postbox. It swallowed it hesitantly. DUH DUH DUH NUUUUUUHHHH! Link got the IN-credible Chart! That letter was still way too expensive.

'I've…I've never had anyone downright refuse a letter before…' The postbox seemed a bit unnerved.

"My other letter?" Link tapped his foot.

'Oh! Right! Here is your letter.'

The Postbox spat out the second letter. Link paled when he saw the handwriting and gunpowder smudged on it. He slowly opened it.

'_How have you been, Onii-chan? I'm here on the pirate ship writing you this letter. Isn't that neat?_' it read.

"It's from your sister, isn't it?" Navi asked.

Link nodded slowly.

"Now this I've got to see." Navi flew up.

* * *

'_At first, I didn't know what to expect, but they're actually really nice…for pirates, I mean. I'm working on that. Mr. Gonzo is a really big guy, but ever since Miss Tetra left, he's been crying like a baby. It's kinda funny…but more sad than anything else. I'm gonna do my best to help him out, though!_' Aryll scribbled away on her parchment paper.

"…Must you write that in, Miss Aryll?" Gonzo peeked over her shoulder.

"Gonzo! I thought told you to polish the heat-seeking missile!" Aryll snapped.

"I did, Miss." Gonzo cowered.

"Can you see your face in it?" Aryll crossed her arms.

"Yes, Miss."

"Can you see _my _face in it?" Aryll tapped her foot.

"Double and triple checked, Miss." Gonzo nodded.

"Can you see the blood of thousands of seagulls that has splattered over it for the past few months?" Aryll asked.

"No, Miss. I just got the last drop off—"

"Then it's too clean! Shoot a bird down and smear some of its blood on it so our competitors don't think we're just some lazy crew with high-tech equipment that we never use!" Aryll snapped.

"We don't have any competitors when it comes to—" Gonzo protested.

"Quit your dawdling and get at it!" Aryll barked.

Gonzo scurried off. Aryll dipped her fresh seagull feather in her inkwell. She reread her previous writings to appear as fluent as possible.

'_Nudge is a little strange, so he's needs the most work. He has a territorial streak that I'm not sure how to put to good use yet. But, don't worry—I'll think of something. As for Senza…his beard makes him look pretty mean, but he tells some cool stories when he gets in the right mood. When he told me he didn't have any stories about overthrowing seagulls, I told him some of mine. We haven't had a story time since, now that I think about it…_' Aryll continued writing.

"The nightmares… Why won't they stop hauntin' me…?" Senza muttered to himself, curled up in fetal position, rocking back and forth.

"Quiet, Senza, I'm trying to write." Aryll waved her hand at him.

'_He'll be fine._' Aryll dabbed her feather into the ink again. '_As I was saying, Zuko's kind of weird, and is pretty quiet… But he doesn't ask questions, so that's nice._'

"Still no birds," Zuko called down from the crow's nest. "Just so you know."

"Excellent! Remind me to promote you, later today!" Aryll called back.

"Aye." Zuko resumed his watch.

'_As for Mako, he immediately gets upset whenever I take his glasses…so I do that a lot. Hee hee!_' Aryll restrained giggling out loud. '_It was because of that I found out that he actually keeps a knife in that book of his. I gave him an upgrade._'

"Miss Aryll, how do you fire this thing…?" A rocket flew off and blew up the door. "Oh! Never mind! I think I've got it now."

Aryll rolled her eyes and continued. '_He still needs some time to get adjusted from his primitive weaponry. As for that little runt, Niko, I've noticed he has a tendency to steal items that I have not given him authorization to have possession of. I'm hoping to redirect this habit into something productive._'

"Miss, I know yer mad about me takin' some plunder from you, but I'm not sure why you keep having me take red candles out from between this nest of cannon balls…" Niko piped up.

"Practice, swabbie! Practice for the real deal!" Aryll barked. "Now, one more time."

Aryll didn't notice Niko raise an eyebrow at her, or Mako shrug in response.

'_Anyway, onii-chan, I trust you have still kept yourself out of the list of war casualties. Otherwise, this is a waste of ink which I could be using to perfecting my secret code. I'll loan you my telescope for a little longer, just in case…but you have to return it to me eventually, okay? I'm doing fine here, so don't you worry. I'll take care of myself, so you be sure to take good care of yourself. Good luck!_'

* * *

Link flipped to the last page. '_I actually had some leftover equipment after I properly armed my crew, so I'm sending you this piece for starters. I know you're not a fan of any of the more effective weaponry, so this should be more in your comfort zone. A while ago I saw that brainwashed hostage on the back of one of __them__. I have reason to believe he is still under seagull control. If you come across the citizen, be sure to use this, Onii-chan!  
Aryll_'

Link gazed hesitantly at the letter, then at the enclosed package. DUH DUH DUH NUUUUUUHHHH! Link got a Tranquilizer Gun! Pssh, _boring!_

Link stared in horror at the letter, then quietly walked over and dumped the paper in the ocean.

"Now, let me ask you…" Navi's tone indicated a sarcastic smile. "Was it _worth it_, stopping from our adventure, risking me getting even more seasick, and wasting time for these two letters?"

"…No." Link sighed.

"Look, Navi!" Ivan called out from the water's edge. "I'm a skipping stone!"

"Exactly." Navi pointed to the boat. "Now, may we get back on course?"

"Where were we going again?" Link asked.

Navi rolled her eyes. "Dragon Roost."

"Say, couldn't we just warp there?" Link asked.

"I told you, cyclone…ing makes me queasy," Navi said.

"Well, couldn't Ivan and I just warp there?" Link asked.

"What, and leave me behind?" Navi crossed her arms.

"It's just to the North-East from here." Link pointed to the towering mountain.

"No! Don't you even think about—" Navi protested.

Link hopped in the boat. "See ya there!"

Before Navi could get close, Link played the Ballad of the Gales. Strong winds swept the boat off the water and sent him off into the sky. Navi paused, then flew off bitterly.

"…It's better than sailing…" Navi grumbled to herself. "It's better than sailing… It's better than sailing…"

* * *

Navi fluttered into the mountainside roost that was the Rito's living quarters. Navi looked around. She saw the hovering body of Ivan on a ledge above.

"Hi-ya!" And Link was nearby.

Navi flew up to the ledge above to see Link tossing letters with more enthusiasm than necessary into various marked slots.

"Swirly thing! Chopper! Leaf!" Ivan cheered.

"Hup! Hai! Hyaaa!" Link threw the letters into the adjacent slots.

"Annnd! Time!" The Rito behind the counter looked at his wrist sundial.

Link wiped the sweat off his brow dramatically. Navi could have sworn she saw some of the sweat droplets glisten.

"15 letters! Great! Good! Terrific! You pass!"

"High five, Ivan!" Link held out his hand.

"Yeah!" Ivan hugged Link's pinky.

"…I've really got to teach you how that works, sometime…" Link paused.

"Okay, you get one Rupee for every two letters so that comes to a grand total of 30 Rupees, am I right?"

"Exactly." Link nodded.

"Come back anytime. I mean it. Anytime." The Postman handed Link a red rupee and two blue ones. "The more letters you sort, the more you'll earn! Not a bad deal, for the both of us."

"No problem! Actually, I was wondering if I could try and beat my record." Link leaned on the counter. "Of…twenty-_five _letters."

"I suppose something can be arranged. I'll get the next stack of letters ready." The Rito turned to a sack behind him.

"Who whoops butt, Ivan?" Link grinned.

"Ahem." Navi coughed.

"Oh, hey, Navi." Link turned his head.

"Wasting time again?" Navi groaned.

"Only until you caught up," Link said.

"Here ya go, son." The Rito handed Link more letters.

"Awesome!" Link grinned.

"Now, we'll start when the light leaking in from that window hits this line." The Rito pointed to his sundial.

Link held the first letter in position, bent his legs a little, and squinted his eyes to look cool. Navi lay down on the counter-top.

"Whatever. At least you're making a profit from it this time." Navi sighed.

"Are you…tired?" Link raised an eyebrow.

"I just flew across the ocean. What do _you_ think?" Navi asked.

"Don't you usually fly behind me?" Link asked. "You never seem tired _then_."

"I flew by Fire Mountain," Navi added, "which has a _bird_."

"Fair enough." Link shrugged.

"Go!" The Rito yelled.

"Crap!" Link tossed the letter. "Late start!"

Navi watched wearily as Link threw the letters like ninja stars into the holes. To her misfortune, Ivan floated down beside her.

"I think the Oompa Loompas are watching…" Ivan whispered to her.

"My, how comforting." Navi rolled her eyes.

"I just knew you'd understand!" Ivan hugged Navi.

"Augh!" The wind got knocked right out of the little fairy. "No! Ivan! I—! Gah!"

"What are you two doing?" Link looked over. "…Or do I even want to know?"

"Three…two…" The Rito held up the exact number of fingers.

"Oh! Crap, crap, crap, crap!" Link began tossing letters at random.

"Annnd! Time!" The Rito let out once more. "10 letters? Ehhh… You kinda sucked that time."

"Hey! I would have gotten much better if these two weren't making out while I was working!" Link protested. "I think I'm entitled to a Distraction Bonus."

"Fine." The Rito rolled his eyes. "Just let me recalculate your profit."

"H-H-Hey!" Navi zipped up just to buzz up and down. "We were not making out! His lips were nowhere near my mouth!"

"Please, you two could be doing anything under that glowiness." Link crossed his arms.

"And romantic gestures is not one of them." Navi huffed.

"Prove it." Link smirked.

"Navi! You have a hole in your stomach!" Ivan gasped. "Here, I'll make it better."

There was an uncomfortable silence. "Ivan, stop kissing my bellybutton."

"So you _were _making out." Link pointed an accusing finger.

Navi perfectly conveyed her hidden facial expression with one word: "…_Seriously?_"

"Okay, yeah, now I'm just grasping for straws to get my bonus." Link shrugged.

"Carry the two…" the Rito muttered as he fiddled with beads on his abacus.

"Yeah, yeah, just give us the thirty rupees so we can get out of here." Link held out an open palm.

"Are you sure that's the right amount?" The Rito held his abacus protectively.

"Trust me, this guy's a walking calculator. And those haven't been invented yet," Navi said.

The Rito, while suspicious, sighed and handed Link a red rupee and two blue ones.

"Awesome." Link smiled.

"Wait, isn't your wallet full?" Navi asked. "Hasn't it been full for the past five chapters?"

Link held up his Zunari Statue. "And don't forget that stupid letter from Tingle."

"Oh."

There is nothing to put this item on, nearby. Do you want to throw this item away?

Link glared at the intercom and held the two hundred rupee, golden statue menacingly closer to the camera. Hey, you're the one who brought it out!

"No," Link said behind clenched teeth. "No, I do _not _want to throw this away."

The statue was put back in Link's Delivery Bag.

"And now, to go sing with Rhapsody!" Ivan pointed in a random direction.

"Right. That," Navi said.

"Wait, you forgot what we were doing?" Link asked.

"I was motion sick for the past few days, and just escaped the clutches of a monster that wants to eat me," Navi pointed out. "I think I'm allowed to be forgetful this time."

"Fine, fine," Link sighed. "Let's get going, then."

Navi, still slightly tired, fluttered onto Link's shoulder. Link walked into the room with the table in it. He looked at all the walls. No sign of Medli. Instead, there was the Rito Chief standing in front of the table. Link turned around.

"I'm all out of ideas."

Navi began banging her head against Link's neck.

"Hey! Stop it!" Link chuckled. "That tickles! It's weird!"

"She's outside, moron!" Navi grumbled. "Didn't you hear the harp-playing when you came here?"

"Yeah, but that could have been anyone," Link said. "What makes you think it's her?"

"Who else owns a harp on Dragon Roost?" Navi asked.

"…Komali?" Link smiled uneasily.

"…You just want to keep playing that mini-game, don't you?" Navi asked.

"_Maybe…_" Link's eyes darted around suspiciously.

Navi sighed heavily. "Fine, one more round, but then we find Medli."

"Yes!" Link did a fist pump.

* * *

Link clambered outside onto a strange ledge. This familiar terrain made Link reminisce about his first dungeon crawling days, but then remembered that time when he screamed like a little girl from falling stairs and decided to try and forget that as soon as possible.

Link looked over and saw Medli strumming chords on her upside-down harp. With a hop, skip, grappling hook, and a jump, Link walked up to Medli.

"Yo." Link held up a hand.

"Oh, Link!" Medli spun around to face him. "You're okay!"

"Holy crap, weren't you, like, you know…" Link started.

"Directionally challenged?" Medli smiled. "Yes! Well, I still am, but thanks to help from Prince Komali, I've been making excellent progress! I can finally make a sandwich! Isn't that amazing?"

There was a long pause.

"I fear for the Rito race…" Navi said.

"Agreed." Link added.

"Muffins!" Ivan threw his arms in the air.

"Hee hee, nice to see you too," Medli smiled at Ivan.

Ivan gasped in an overly exaggerated manner.

"You know, Prince Komali's been asking me all about your adventures, Link." Medli struck up conversationally. "I can rest easy now that I've seen you safe and sound with my own eyes. Prince Komali's turned into a fine, young adult, hasn't he?"

"He _has?_" Navi raised an eyebrow.

"We are talking about the same bribe accepting, rubber ducky owning brat, right?" Link asked.

"Erm, he's not a brat _anymore…_" Medli admitted. "And, recently, he's even begun doing things on his own, without my guidance."

"That's even more cause for alarm," Navi stated.

"Oh, no, I trust Komali more than that." Medli giggled. "Though, he _has _been asking for larger and larger bribes, now that I think about it…"

"To make a Muffin Factory?!" Ivan could barely believe what he was hearing.

"Oh Din." Navi face palmed.

"Every conversation still ends up centered on you, though, Link." Medli smiled.

"…You're not very good at lying," Link said.

"Oh, alright, but he does talk about you often!" Medli said.

"Uh huh. _Riiight._"

Medli sighed.

Ivan hugged her shoulder. "Don't worry, Rhapsody! I believe every word you say!"

"Somehow, that doesn't bring much condolence…" Medli frowned.

"Ivan, stop depressing the bird chick," Navi said.

Medli put her hands on her ears. "Hey! I take offense to that!"

There was a pause.

"Duly noted." Navi stated.

"Okay, um, there was something we wanted to talk you about—" Link began.

"Well, I'd better continue practicing so that I can be useful around here, too!" Medli turned around. "Performing music like this is an important duty of an attendant_._"

"Hey, about that, um…" Link waved the Wind Waker in front of Medli's face. "I kind of have a song request."

"Hey, is that the Wind Waker?!" Medli gasped. "Wow!"

"You know what it is?" Navi buzzed.

"Of course, Navi!" Ivan piped up. "The Red Lion King stole it from robe bird-man while he was having a bubble bath!"

That mental image of Komali's Father would go on to scar Link for the rest of his life.

"Erm… You had a request?" Medli chuckled nervously.

"Right, here goes…" Link positioned himself.

Link played the Wind God's Aria for Medli. She stared at him blankly.

"…Is that what you wanted me to play?" Medli asked. "It kinda…isn't my style…"

"First Makar, now you?" Link scoffed. "Sheesh! For musicians, you two certainly are picky!"

"Well, I… Oh Zephos, vertigo!" Medli twitched. "I'm falling! I'm falling!"

Link caught Medli as she passed out. There was a pause.

"Great, now what?" Navi huffed.

"You're asking me?" Link asked.

"Oh! Oh! I know!" Ivan raised his hand. "Let's visit the Muffin Factory!"

"Ivan, there is no Muffin Factory."

"Silly Navi." Ivan stuck out his tongue. "Next you'll tell me that the Muffin Man doesn't exist."

"…Actually…"

Ivan gasped dramatically. Medli's eyes shot open. She tried to sit up, and, after kicking Link in the face a couple times, she succeeded.

"I had the strangest dream…" Medli put her hand over her beak. "A-And you were in it, and you were in it, and you were in it!"

"You didn't happen to be following a yellow brick water current, were you?" Navi glared at Medli suspiciously.

"Yes! I was! And we sang songs and everything! How did you know?" Medli asked.

Navi glared at the intercom.

"There was a Zora, too. She was Laruto, the Good Sage. She traveled around in a giant bubble. And she spoke to me," Medli continued. "She spoke so gently… She told me… She told me that there is something…something I must do. Link… Thanks to you, I've been awakened to the knowledge that I'm—"

"Yeah, yeah, you're a sage, we know already." Link rolled his eyes.

"Y-You do?" Medli blinked.

"Hey, look, Medli…" Navi flew up to Medli. "Listen. We're running a bit behind schedule. So if you could just silently nod and come with us, that would be _much _appreciated."

"I…I guess I could…" Medli paused. "But the Zora definitely said Eart—"

"Alright!" Link pointed in a dramatic direction. "To the Wind Temple!"

With that, Link picked Medli up in his arms, jumped over the ledge, and straight into the water. Komali flew down to the ledge they stood on previously, and looked around.

"Oh, Komali…" Medli muttered to herself when she surfaced. "I just want him to remember me as a simple attendant…"

Komali poked his head over the edge and glared down at the two treading water.

"Oh, _sure!_" Komali yelled. "A guy wants to thank you for helping him fund his new casino, and you decide to just up and leave without so much as a good-bye! Yeah, _real_ considerate of you, Medli!"

"Just a simple attendant…" Medli closed her eyes when she said this to herself.

"Fine! I can give this stupid flower to my dad! See if I care!" the bird boy yelled.

A wave of molted feathers suggested that Komali had flown off.

"Remind me never to visit this island when _he's_ in charge," Navi stated.

"The boy has a point, though," Link said. "Would it really kill you to tell him that you were leaving?"

"_Juuuuust_ a simple attendant…" Medli's swimming gauge was getting low.

"Muffins!" Ivan sprang forth from the water.

"…I don't even…" Navi face palmed.

* * *

The little red boat sailed up to Gale Isle.

"Link, it's nice that you took my motion sickness into consideration, but did you really have to decorate _all _of Windfall?" Navi asked.

"Come on, Navi, it was something to do while you were getting over your queasiness," Link said. "Plus, I got a Heart Piece out of it, _and _my wallet's emptier than before, meaning that I can store even more money."

Link hopped on land and proceeded to cut down every piece of grass, obsessive compulsively getting every rupee, heart, and magic bottle he found.

"That's not really a plus for me," Navi pointed out. "That just means you'll spend half our time to get every bloody rupee we find. …Which would just happen anyway, even if you had a full wallet."

"You know it." Link grinned shamelessly.

"Well, we're here now." Medli hopped down. "And that's all that matters, right?"

"I suppose…" Navi huffed.

"Is it just me, or does it feel like we're being watched?" Link looked around.

"Link!" Ivan flew forth, in full twitch. "As was the case with Makar, I have no doubt that Medli, too, has some special role to play in these events."

"_No, really?_" Navi said sarcastically. "I couldn't tell!"

"Hello, strange old man speaking into a microphone at the bottom of the ocean." Link waved disinterestedly at Ivan.

"Shh! Don't interrupt me while I'm monologuing." Ivan coughed. "Ahem. Discovering that role is your duty. I am certain by cooperating, the two of you can overcome the dangers and pitfalls of this temple…"

"Right." Link turned to the door. "Well, come on, Medli. We've got some dungeon crawling to do! Oh, and Navi, go get Ivan, will ya?"

"Yes, I'm on it…" Navi picked up the dazed fairy.

The team of heroes walked into the entrance to a cave. On a nearby rock, a familiar duo loomed over the sight.

"Heh heh! I knew he'd come eventually!" an on-looking red haired boy chuckled. "Admittedly, I did have to wait over a week, but that'll only make revenge all the sweeter!"

Balc, the Kargaroc, eyed the Fishman hungrily.

"Come on!" the kid yanked the rope. "Fly me over to the beach."

Balc readying himself for his catch by spreading his wings.

"Hey! Stop it!" the redhead protested. "I said I wanted to go over there!"

The boy leapt onto the bird's back, who let out a startled 'baawk!' in response. They clumsily flew down to the sands below. Balc began clawing at the crabs scuttling across the beach.

"Yes, I know you're hungry, but if I can make a diet of grass and saltwater, then you can too. Hey, listen to me, dang it!" The kid smacked the bird over the head. "Grr… And just so we don't have a repeat of last time, I'm going to make sure you can't fly off on me."

The red haired kid threw down the bird's bindings and placed every rock on the beach on top of them. After he was done, he stood back and admired the towering pile of rocks.

"Ha! I'd like to see you try to get away _now!_" the kid jeered.

The Kargaroc tugged at one of the ropes, loosening it. The boy put a rock on top of the loosened rope. The bird glared up at the kid, who towered over it with his inflated ego.

"That'll teach you to not obey your new master." The redhead leaned closer, almost literally rubbing it in.

Balc drill pecked the kid's face.

"Ow! Ow! Cut it out! I said, stop it!"

* * *

"So… How do you think it works…?" Link asked.

Navi took a closer look at the patch of soft soil by the barred door.

"I honestly have no cl—I mean, idea," Navi said. "Gah! Why do I keep saying that?"

"Tee hee hee…" Ivan giggled.

Medli poked it with her foot. "Maybe if we, um, had a shovel, there'd be a switch underneath?"

"No, silly, you're supposed to plant acorns!" Ivan nodded.

All three of them stared at Ivan.

"Care to explain how in the _heck_ that would even work?" Navi asked.

"They turn into trees!" Ivan was getting excited.

"No. Think, Ivan." Navi groaned. "Even if that _is _what we're supposed to do, trees take years, if not decades to grow. And I'd get bored."

"And we'd die," Link added, pointing at both him and Medli.

"Right. That too."

"That's why we should have salsa-ed with the Maker!" Ivan explained.

"Ivan, don't you have some fungus you could be collecting or something?" Navi sighed.

"Nah. My last collection grew up." Ivan shrugged.

"Hellooo~" Link waved to get Navi's attention. "Great Sea to Navi. How are we supposed to get past this?"

"Oh, whatever." Navi rolled her eyes.

Navi flew over to the door and bent the bars out of the way.

"There. Now let's—"

"How long have you been able to do that!?" Link protested. "Why didn't you use that earlier?! You're the one that's always upset about wasting time, and you didn't think that _maybe_ that would have cut our dungeon crawling time in half!?"

"I'm letting you be hero. We've been over this." Navi crossed her arms. "And you didn't seem to upset when I helped you last temple."

"That was different."

"No it wasn't."

"Shut up."

"Um, we just hop through the gap, now, right?" Medli pointed to the wall.

"Yeah, something like that," Navi said. "Link, come on. Let's try and get through this place as quickly as we can."

"Psh, like that'll ever happen." Link rolled his eyes.

The team walked through the bent poles and into the next room. In it was a barred door to the left, and a series of raised ledges.

"…Medli, please investigate this room further, if you will." Navi turned to the bird person.

"Um…if you want…" Medli paused.

Medli flew up and took a look around the room.

"You can fly, too." Link pointed out. "Why ask the directionally challenged girl to scope out the place?"

"She's getting over it, and I thought that having her look around would help." Navi nodded.

"You're just being lazy," Link said.

"That's not the point." Navi looked up. "So, Medli! What do you see?"

"There's three more of those soil patches…and there's another door up here." Medli flew over to the highest ledge. "I'll just go and see if there's a switch up here and—OH CYCLOS, WHY?!"

With an eerie scream, the room fell silent.

"Medli? Medli?!" Link called out.

Navi flew higher to get a better look. "Would it have killed her to steer clear of the Floor Masters?"

"Floor Masters?" Link frowned.

"Three of them, there. I'm bettering the fourth one dragged her off." Navi squinted.

"Rhapsody's made friends!" Ivan grinned.

"Great." Link crossed his arms. "Alright, which room did they drag her off to, now?"

"This one!" Ivan pointed to the door on the left. "She's having a cool party in here!"

"Navi, if you will?" Link said expectantly.

"Seriously?" Navi asked. "Oh well. Guess it couldn't hurt."

One bar bending session later…

"Meeedliii," Link called out. "Meeeeddddllliiiii…"

"We've come to give you quilts!" was Ivan's attempt at persuasion.

Link used his boomerang on the Peahats circling the room. He continued to walk across the oddly patterned floor. He stopped.

"Crap, I probably could have gotten Golden Feathers from those…" Link realized.

"Link, eye on the time, please," Navi said.

"Link!" Medli's voice was nearby. "I'm over here! Link!"

Link looked around and saw a caged cell with a large stone in front of the doorway. Inside was Medli. Link walked up to it.

"Okay, good. We found you. Are you hurt?" Link asked.

"No, I'm fine…but…" Medli sighed. "The stone that blocks the entrance seems extremely heavy."

Link took a step back to fully appreciate the size of the stone slab. "Uh-huh. Looks that way."

"The only way you could move it, Link, is if you were to become as heavy as the Great Valoo himself," Medli pondered aloud.

"Uhh…" Link paused.

"What does the weight of the Great Valoo have to do with anything?!" Navi piped up.

"Well, the Great Valoo is strong enough to move that rock, and if Link was as heavy as the Great Valoo, then Link would be able to get me out of here," Medli explained.

"Medli, I pulled stone slab blocking the entrance off the wall, and I weigh _nowhere_ near as much as Valoo does," Navi protested. "So, I repeat, what the does the weight of the Valoo have to do with anything?!"

"Ahh, if only the Great Valoo was here right now..." Medli said wistfully.

Link, unimpressed, slapped on his Iron Boots. "There. I'm as heavy as the Great Valoo. **Now what?**"

"Erm…" Medli paused. "Pull?"

"Link, play that command song, or whatever it's called," Navi said. "If there's an exit to that cell, I very much doubt that Medli would be able to find it on her own."

Navi looked over at Medli, who looked somewhat hurt.

"Uh, no offense." Navi bit her lip. "Link, will you do it, already?"

"On it." Link swished his Wind Waker back and forth.

Link played the Command Melody. His eyes widened.

"Wha-wha-what?" the boy blinked.

"Medli, the song…thing Link just played allowed you two to switch bodies," Navi explained. "So, um, yeah, it's only temporary. Kinda. I think."

"Whoa!" the young boy slapped his cheeks. "So this is what it's like to be normal!"

"Ahh! What the crap!" the bird girl crashed into the bars. "Why is everything I try to do, reversed?!"

The bird girl fell over.

"Whoa, whoaaaa!" the boy was trying to walk around. "I…I can't balance myself!"

The boy stumbled around awkwardly before crashing into the lattice bars. He fell over.

"Okay, never mind. That's obviously not working," Navi sighed. "Link, switch back."

"I can't, I—augh!" the bird girl rolled across the floor. "I don't have the Wind Waker."

"Do an Aileron Roll, Rhapsody!" Ivan cheered.

"Ivan, not helping. Medli, will you do the honours?" Navi groaned.

"How did the song go again?" The boy held the Wind Waker with his teeth.

Navi sighed and placed the Wind Waker in the boy's hand. Then she grabbed his wrist and dragged it around until… Medli played the Command Melody! There was a pause.

"Okay, my limbs don't feel like Chu Jelly anymore, so I'm assuming that I'm me again." Link stared at his arm.

"And I'm me too!" Medli grinned.

Medli slapped her stomach.

"Whoops."

"Whatever, now, back to this rock," Navi turned to the rock.

"The stone that blocks the entrance seems extremely heavy," Medli repeated. "The only way you could move it, Link, is if you were to become—"

"Gaaaahhh…!" Navi let out.

Navi flew up, grabbed hold of the top edge of the stone slab, and slammed it down. It shattered into many pieces.

"Owww!" Link clutched his throbbing toe.

"Watch your feet."

Link let out a string of censored swear words.

"Is that one of the Maker's boogie-woogies?" Ivan danced along to Link's obscenities.

"Come on, Medli, let's go." Navi grumbled.

"Uhh… Okay…" Medli walked toward the opposite wall. "But I really think that the Great Valoo would have—"

"AH HA!" a familiar voice let out. "There you are!"

"Din, him again?!" Navi yelled.

"Maaaarrrryyyy!" Ivan exclaimed.

Link put his foot down, sighed, rolled his eyes, and looked over at the charging red haired boy. The boy's face was covered with scabs.

"I'll get you this time!" the kid bellowed.

"Dude, what happened to your face?" Link raised an eyebrow.

"I…uh…shut up! It's not important!" the redhead yelled.

"You tripped and fell, didn't you?" Navi said.

"No!" the red haired boy protested.

"You totally did," Link smirked.

"No, I didn't! Balc, he pecked at my face!" the boy explained.

"Uh-huh." Link yawned.

"Mary goes roly-poly, roly-poly…" Ivan hummed.

"It's true!" the boy protested.

"It's okay," Medli said in a comforting tone. "We all have those days."

"But I really…! Bah! It doesn't matter! I'm here to get my venegenc—augh!" the kid fell over.

Navi and Ivan looked over at Link. Medli turned the opposite way. In Link's hand was a tranquilizer gun.

"…Mary?" Ivan was mortified.

"This is why I love my sister." Link smirked.

"You…su…cccc..._kkkkkk_…" the boy gargled.

What followed was a loud sequence of snores.

"Wow! I never knew Mary was good at bird-calls!" Ivan gasped.

"Uh…who is this, exactly?" Medli blinked.

"I'll explain later," Navi groaned.

"Now, let's get as far away from here before he wakes up." Link pocketed the gun.

"Why not just kill him?" Navi asked.

"Who do you think I am? Aryll?" Link asked. "I'm not going to kill someone just because he stalks us."

"I'm obviously going to regret this later, but whatever. Let's go," Navi said.

Link and the fairies sped off into the next room. Medli banged into the wall once before following.

* * *

"…And now that annoying brat followed us here." Navi finished.

"Wow…" Medli paused. "What a story…"

"Navi, I can't believe it took you eight rooms to explain what can basically be summed down to 'we have no idea who he is, but he seems to have a grudge so that's why he's following us'."

"What? I like talking," Navi explained.

"And hearing your own voice, way too much." Link rolled his eyes.

"Hey!"

"So, Gary-Stu is kinda like your evil arch rival, then?" Medli asked.

"What? No! What part of that explanation imply that that dork was worthy of being our rival?" Navi asked.

"Well, him and Link both look the same age, and—"

"No. Stop right there." Link said. "We've been over this with Makar. I don't have rivals."

"But if you have an arch-rival, it just means that you truly are a hero, Link!" Medli smiled.

Link's ego inflated way larger than what could be healthy.

"You _really_ aren't good at lying," Navi said.

"Sorry…" Medli sighed.

Link didn't seem to hear. He walked through to the next room. Navi followed.

"You idiot! You left Medli and Ivan behind! Can't a girl trip over a rock without being ditched?!" Navi piped up.

"Fine, fine." Link sighed. "I'll go back for her."

Bars dropped over the door.

"Brilliant." Link turned to Navi. "Navi, if you will."

"No. You've been a rude an inconsiderate jerk." Navi crossed her arms. "Now hurry up and beat the Mini-Boss."

"Aw, come on, Navi! You're being—Mini-Boss?" Link blinked.

Link turned around just in time to see a Wizzrobe wearing an orange robe and a golden headdress, summon a Dark Nut.

Link's face lit up. "A Rare Pictograph!"

Link chose to ignore the loud slap of Navi's forehead. He brandished his Pictobox. The lens shining brightly from the light of the fireballs. Link frowned. The fireballs coming straight for him. Crap.

Link also chose to ignore the loud cackling that Navi let out as he ran around in circles with his tunic on fire.

"Is this a frequent occurrence?" the Dark Nut asked.

"No, but I wish it was." Navi smirked. "Oh, and by the way…"

Navi slammed her fist into the Dark Nut's face. It went up in a poof of smoke.

"Oh, um, I was just about to tackle him, but okay—" Link said with a smoking hat.

The Orange Wizzrobe summoned a Moblin. There was a pause.

"You take care of monsters while I take the bird's Pictograph?" Link asked.

"Deal. Just don't take too long." Navi karate chopped the Moblin.

This went on delightfully longer than it should have. Especially since Link seemed to be missing opportunities to kill the Wizzrobe to instead collect the large glowing orbs the Iron Knuckles/Dark Nuts and Moblins dropped. Eventually the Wizzrobe realized that Navi was just going to take out the larger monsters, and instead summoned smaller ones, such as flaming Keese, Bubbles, and, worse and non-canonly of all, Chu Chus.

Link froze on the spot. A wave of unpleasant memories rolled over him. He remembered his terrifying incident in the Earth Temple when Link stumbled across demonic, evil, _Purple_ Chu Chus, which were completely invincible to his attacks. They weren't _important _enough to bring up. Especially that moment where fainted. Or the moment when Makar told him that they turned to stone at a glimmer of sunlight. Or how Navi laughed at him.

Ahem. That _wasn't_ the point! These Chu Chus were nicely Red and Green like they were supposed to be. Unlike the Purple ones, who secreted Green Chu Jelly. The logic of this world continued to astound the boy.

Link looked up to see the Wizzrobe laughing at him. "Why is everyone and everything laughing at me today?"

"Oh, I dunno." Navi flew up to him. "The fact that you have a Chu Chu crawling up your back and you haven't noticed it yet might have something to do with it."

Link's eyes widened when the eerie face of the goop monster stared back at him. He proceeded to scream like a little girl.

* * *

A high-pitched screech was heard through the door.

"What do you think is going on, in there?" Medli cocked her head.

"I think the Muffin Man decided to prove he exists by tickling them to smithereens." Ivan nodded confidently.

"Oh, goodness. How terrible." Medli put her hand on her shoulder. "Wait, the Muffin Man?"

"He sees you while you're sleeping," Ivan explained. "And he knows when you're awake. Isn't that cool?"

"No, I think that's Santa." Medli pondered. "Wait, who's that, even?"

"Get it off! Get it off! Oh Zephos, Navi! Stop laughing and get it offff!" faintly radiated from the door.

"I hope he's okay…" Medli sighed. "I have no idea how I'll get out of here, otherwise…"

"Navi's pretty. Do you think Navi's pretty?" Ivan asked.

"Well, of course I worry for his safety too, but…" Medli trailed off.

"EEEEEKKKK!" the door screamed. "It's going down my tunic! OH CYCLOS!"

The door let out a series of loud bangs and shook repeatedly.

"So, um, what reason are you here?" Medli asked.

"Muffins?" Ivan asked.

"No, I mean, why are you following Link around?" Medli continued. "Navi doesn't treat you all that nicely, and Link forgets you're even there, sometimes. I'm sure you could find other people that would appreciate you more."

"But Navi is Navi," Ivan said. "And Navi said Saria would be on the other end of the time portal and kisses would fly me away to the gummy clouds—did I mention Navi is really, really, really pretty and cool and stuff?"

"AHHH! Not the leggings! Navi, the goop is slithering down my leggings!" the door shrieked.

"Hmm… So…you're saying that you love her?" Medli pondered. "Or am I reading too much into this?"

"Does love involve angry birds?" Ivan asked.

"Er…no?" Medli blinked.

"Then sure!" Ivan giggled.

"I feel unclean! I feel unclean! I'LL NEVER BE CLEAN AGAIN!" the door cried.

"O…kay?" Medli blinked. "I have no idea what to make of your answer."

The door sobbed softly. Faint sniggers were heard as well.

"So, how much longer do you think they'll take?" Medli yawned.

"So many," Ivan answered.

* * *

"If I never wear this tunic again, then it'll be too soon…" Link shuddered. "Oh, Zephos, why didn't I buy more clothes when I was at Windfall?"

"I dunno." Navi shrugged. "Anyway, are you going to beat this guy anytime soon?"

Navi pointed up to the robbed Wizzrobe. It waved back with a large smile across its face. Link glared ominously.

"Oh ho ho! Don't mind me! Go on, boy! Do go on!" the Wizzrobe chuckled. "I rather enjoyed that little jig you did when the Chu Chu got in your boot. Would you mind doing that again?"

"YOU," Link growled.

"Ha ha ha! You're killing me! You're killing me!" the Wizzrobe keeled over, laughing.

"Yes." Link pointed his sword at the looming toucan man. "Soon, I will be."

The Wizzrobe fell over, laughing uncontrollably. With a murderous gleam in his eye, Link raised his sword above the robed monster sprawled out on the floor.

"This…ends…now—" Link snarled.

Navi flew up with his Pictobox. "Pictograph?"

"Right." Link paused and used his free hand to snap a picture. "Thanks."

"Hey, if you're going to get figurines, you might as well get one hundred percent." Navi shrugged.

"Yeah." Link turned back to his prey. "Anyway, where was I—hey!"

The Wizzrobe was making a face at him. Link checked his Pictobox, and frowned when he saw the identical expression in the Pictograph.

"Oh, you did not just Pictobomb my Pictrograph," Link growled.

This caused the Wizzrobe to laugh even harder.

"Link, just kill him, already." Navi groaned. "I'm getting tired of beating up these…you're sure they're called Bubbles?"

"Don't need to tell me, twice." The fires reignited in Link's eyes.

Several, unnecessarily violent stabbings later…

"HA HA HA HA!" Link cackled. "Who's laughing now?!"

"And, you got the Hookshot." Navi flew over from the empty chest.

"Psh, who cares about that?" Link chuckled. "I killed it! I killed that stupid bird!"

A horrified expression fell upon Link's face.

"Oh Cyclos, I'm turning into Aryll." Link shuddered.

Link grabbed the Hookshot from Navi and clutched it protectively. DUH DUH DUH NUUUUUUHHHH! Link got the Hookshot! And probably the only incarnation of the item that looks like it could actually work!

"Hello?" There was a soft knock on the door. "Can we come in, now?"

"No need; we're coming out," Navi called back.

Navi guided the shaken little boy out of the room where Medli and Ivan smiled back unsympathetically.

"Hello." Medli waved at herself.

"It's a bobble-head of a tree Link frog!" Ivan greeted.

"H-Hi… Can we go?" Link gulped.

"Uh, I guess. If you're ready." Medli paused.

"Link, relax. It's all over now. You don't have anything to worry about right now."

"YOU!"

Link spun around to see the red haired boy hobbling over, dragging his numb leg behind him.

"We've really got to stop jinxing ourselves," Navi said.

"Yeah…" Link sighed.

"You think a little nap will stop me? Ha! I'm going to get my revenge, even if it's the last thing I do!" the kid snarled.

"Okay, yeah, that's right." Link aimed his tranquilizer gun. "Walk right in a straight line like that… Easy…easy…"

The boy froze on the spot, then ducked behind Medli, and in rare smart split second of brilliant reflexes, he grabbed the bird girl and held his dagger to her neck.

"Eep!" Medli let out.

"Now…" the boy huffed. "Put the gun down."

"Okay, okay, sheesh." Link rolled his eyes as he put the tranquilizer gun on the ground.

"Link! No! Don't!" Navi let out. "Without that, we're going to have to defeat him the long and tedious way! It'll be such a waste of time!"

"Well, the Great Sea would be pretty much screwed if Medli's died, so…" Link shrugged.

"Link, he's obviously bluffing. Gary doesn't have it in him to actually kill someone."

"H-H-Hey! I'm not bluffing! I could kill her any time I wanted!" the kid protested. "I just—"

Medli grabbed the harp off her back, spun around, and smacked the boy upside the face. Gary stumbled backwards, clutching his face.

"Augh! String burn," he cried.

"Impressive." Link started clapping.

"Ha, ha, ha, thank you." Medli chuckled nervously. "I guess it was kinda brave, wasn't it?"

"That's not why we're clapping." Navi joined in.

"Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow!" the redhead clutched his nose. "What the crap was that?! That really hurt you little…and why the crap are you clapping?!"

"Link! Quick! The gun!" Navi said.

"Right." Link picked up the weapon.

The kid paled, and ducked behind a corner just in time to dodge the incoming dart.

"Ha! Missed me!" the wall jeered.

"So I did." Link shrugged. "Well, whatever. I have more ammo."

"You'll have to run out of darts eventually!"

"Eventually." Link pocketed the gun. "But if I try and shoot you now, you'll just wait 'til I use up all my ammunition. So, the better idea is to use the shots as sparingly as I can, practically guaranteeing that you'll keep your distance. Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got a world to save."

Link and the gang strode towards the giant fan in the center of the room, and flew up into its gust, ignoring the irritated grumbling of the redhead.

* * *

One sandbox boss battle later…

"Oh Zephos!" Link shook his head fiercely. "I thought that time when I buried myself in the sand to hide from a seagull raid was bad!"

"I'll never get it all out!" Navi flew in and out of Link's hat, tossing out buckets of sand. "Never!"

"Did the previous sage have a gigantic cat or something?" Link shook out his boot. "Who on the Great Sea would need that much sand?"

Large amounts of sand flooded out of the room.

"And froggy went BLOOSH!" Ivan demonstrated the tale of Link falling flat on his face with a loud clap. "And the Venus Fly Trap worm went ker-CHOMP! And then tree frog went ka-slash, slash, slash on its purple reed and saved all of Narnia!"

"Yes, yes, we get it, Ivan," Navi grumbled. "We were right there. Why do you feel the need to obsessively ramble on about things all three of us have seen."

"Because the polka dots want me to or else they'll die." Ivan nodded.

"Can I come in yet?" came Medli's voice from up on the nearby ledge.

"Yeah, I guess—wait! No! No! Not just yet!" Link tore off his hat, shook it wildly, and put it back on. "Okay! It's safe now!"

Medli flew down gracefully…until her feet hit unsolid ground; in which case, she fell on her butt.

"Oof!" Medli let out. "No, it's okay! I'm fine, really!"

"Good, because my house isn't!" Navi grumbled. "I swear, the only way I'll get all these rocks out of the carpet is if I shave you bald."

"Don't you even dare," Link said in a dangerous tone, clamping the hat on his head down even farther.

"Fine, I'll just vacuum!" Navi huffed.

"So, um, apart from all this—ack!" Medli clumsily clambered over to the trio. "From all this sand, er… How was it?"

"Oh," Link perked up. "It was awesome, really! I was so brave and stuff! It turned out that its tongue was its weakness. Who knew that would be fatal, right?"

"Cha-ching!" Ivan exclaimed.

Medli stared in amazement and clapped her hands…on the side of her head.

"You know, that might not have been its mouth…" Navi pondered aloud. "Sure, the positioning of that hole, it'd be easy to assume that is what it ate out of… But it did spawn smaller worm monsters from there, so maybe that opening had another function?"

Link stared blankly. "Gee. Thanks for those nightmares."

"Link!" Medli was now standing beside the Triforce mark on the floor. "Let's bring power back to your sword."

"Right. Coming." Link hobbled through the sand toward the stone slab in the middle of the room.

Link walked into the lit up Triforce symbol on the floor and watched the Master Sword fly out of its sheath again.

"Glow stick away!" Ivan cheered.

"Shh!" Navi hushed.

When he was in position, Link raised his Wind Waker into the air. He began playing Wind God's Aria, which he expected Medli to follow along to. What he wasn't expecting, however, was her playing the tune backwards.

Link stared at the hovering Master Sword. Nothing seemed to be happening. He grabbed a fistful of clumped sand and threw it at the sword. The clump of sand, and the burst that ensued, knocked the sword over. Link approached it cautiously, but jumped back when part of the hilt shot out and made the sword look like it had small wings on it.

"Hey!" Link protested as he picked it up. "It looked cooler before! This upgrade is lame."

"It's still a glow stick," Ivan pointed out.

"Link, it's an upgrade. Stop complaining," Navi said.

Link put the sword back in its place while grumbling something about the sleek design was waaay better.

"Medli, care to get your monologue out of the way?" Navi asked.

"Huh?" Medli blinked. "Oh. Right. Ahem." Medli cleared her throat. "Link, the power to repel evil is now fully awakened."

"Yaaayy! Rhapsody!" Ivan cheered.

"Shh!" Navi nudged him. "Don't drag this out longer than it needs to be."

"Hmm…" Link paused. "Say, Navi? Is there any possible way that you could bend the wing things back into the—"

"Your sword is holy and you will like it," Navi huffed.

"Er…" Medli paused. "Now, Link… Step into the light behind you and return to the surface. Your next duty is to…well, I'm sure you already know what your new duty is. I will remain here to continue to pray."

"Well, I suppose that's one thing you can do to keep yourself from going insane from sheer boredom." Navi shrugged.

"And then when she's done that, she can count confetti!" Ivan pointed to the sand.

"I…I suppose. Anyway, you must hurry!" Medli enthused. "…And Link! Um… About Prince Komali…"

Link paled. "What…what about Prince Komali?"

"Please watch over him for me." Medli smiled.

"Uh, sorry, but no," Link said. "I've already got an aviancidial little sister running around the Great Sea somewhere. There is no way in heck that I will have time to watch over that little runt too."

"Oh." Medli frowned. "Um… Could you send him a postcard every so often?"

"Well, I guess, but…" Link bit his lip.

The door to the room opened with a loud 'boom'. Link looked up to see the top of red hair.

"I'm not finished with you!" was the redhead's battle cry.

The boy tripped over the ledge and face planted in the sand.

"Okay, see you later, Medli." Link waved. "Bye."

"You too!" Medli smiled back. "Hopefully."

"Take care of the confetti dots for me!" Ivan said.

With that, Link's trio warped out of the room to the background sound of Gary's string of swearing.

* * *

Link strode confidently outside and nothing could have possibly prepared him for what he saw next.

One of those bird things that Link got all his Golden Feathers from was attempting to catch this island's Fishman.

"Ahhh! Help me! I'm too beautiful to die!" the Fishman flopped around in his panic.

Link continued to watch in mild fascination as the human-fish hybrid flailed around for his life.

"Uh, Link?" Navi asked. "Aren't you gonna do something? You are supposed to be the hero, and all."

"Meh." Link shrugged. "I already filled out my Sea Chart, so I technically don't need him—"

"L-Link!" Navi spluttered. "You're just going to let a fish that gladly helped you without second thought, _die?!_"

"Sheesh, fine!" Link grumbled. "When you put it that way…"

"Ugh, sometimes I wonder if you even have it in you to be the hero," Navi muttered to herself.

Link brandished his Grappling Hook and swung it at the bird. This effectively got its attention when the claw entangled itself around the bird's long tail feathers. After the successful plucking of a Golden Feather, Link pulled back on the rope which, for the first time, yanked the bird onto the beach.

"Okay, this is definitely Gary's pet," Link stated. "This reeks of non-canon-ness."

The bird looked up at the two circling fairies, and smacked its beak hungrily.

"I think he has a toothache," Ivan deduced.

"Crap. Link!" Navi let out. "Take it out before it eats Ivan like that kid's last bird!"

"I'm on it, I'm on it." Link brandished his bow.

Link took aim at the monster's open beak.

"Oh, no you don't!" came a voice from behind.

Link's arrow shot out towards the sky when he was tackled from behind. Link fell onto the Kargaroc's face and plunged it into the sand beneath them.

"Don't you even dare!" The redhead slammed his fists on Link's back. "Does life have no meaning for you?"

The body of the partially submerged bird struggled madly, causing plumage to fall everywhere.

"Dude, I was saving the Fishman!" Link protested.

"By killing Balc!" The boy bellowed.

"What is with you and giving stupid names to monsters?!" Navi let out. "What's next? Bokoblin _Bob?!_"

"Oh, screw it. Navi, pass me my tranq gun." Link rolled his eyes.

"Not this time, stupid!" The kid pressed Link's hands behind his back. "If you think I'm gonna let you make a fool of me again, you're dead wrong!"

The struggling Kargaroc reared its head up with a loud gasp for air. From it, Link and by extension, the red haired boy, were tossed backward. The tranquilizer gun went flying as the redhead clambered back on top of Link with dagger in hand. As Link grabbed the hand of the little punk and attempted to lift the blade off his neck, a shot rang out. Both boys looked over just in time to see a tranqed Kargaroc collapse into the sand.

"And that, my friends," Navi twirled the pistol larger than herself, around her arm, "is how it's done."

"Yaaay!" Ivan clapped.

"Thank you; thank you." Navi bowed.

"Why you little—" the kid snarled.

A familiar dart pricked the boy's cheek. It wasn't long before Link pushed the redhead's snoring body off to the side. Ivan jumped around on his face for the heck of it.

"So, you'll kill the bird thing now?" Navi asked hopefully.

"Why don't you do it?" Link blinked. "You made it very clear that you hate it and that you would have no qualms with killing it if you had the chance."

"Yeah, well…" Navi bit her lip. "I dunno. It's hard to kill something with a clear conscience after you find out its name…"

"Yeah, ditto," Link said to hide the fact that he was feeling lazy. "I vote we just leave 'em here. They'll be out for a couple hours."

"Which is more than enough time to get a good head-start to wherever it is we're going next," Navi concluded.

"I'm just surprised he made it back here this fast." Link paused. "You think he's getting better?"

"Doubt it," Navi said. "You did kind of leave a portal to the surface open when we left."

"Right…" Link nodded.

With that, Link hopped back into his boat and set sail…only to have it screech to a halt ten feet from shore.

"Link, I have troubling news..." Ivan zipped in front of the gang, twitching.

"Well, whatever it is, it's gonna have to wait." Link pointed to the two non-canon characters sleeping on the beach.

"No, Link, I'm serious." Ivan vibrated. "Ganon—"

"Dorf," Link said reflexively.

"One of these days, I swear, I'm going to strangle you, Ivan." Navi glared at the twitching fairy.

"…has not shown himself above the seas since Valoo unleashed his fiery wrath upon him. And what's worse, there's not a creature stirring in his base of operations in this world…the Forsaken Fortress," the twitching fairy explained.

"I fail to see how exactly this is bad news," Navi pointed out.

"…I cannot imagine how it is possible, and yet I cannot shake this foreboding feeling that I have about the princess, Zelda." Ivan shook his vibrating head. "Link, you must search for all the Triforce shards so that we can head back to Hyrule without delay!"

"Okay, sure." Link shrugged.

Ivan floated down to the water, where Navi was waiting to fish him out.

"…Just after I get these Pictographs developed." A mischievous grin spread across Link's face.

"You know what, I don't even care anymore," Navi sighed. "Come on. Let's do it."

With that, Link summoned a cyclone which scooped the little boat out of the water.

* * *

Cherry-sama: _(is tied to a chair, half beat up)_

Aryll: Now tell me…where were you on the evening of October 28th?

Cherry-sama: I swear! I don't know anything!

OoT Link: This question is from eeveelover1824! Do we ever get paid?!

Cherry-sama: What? I thought you would know that.

OoT Link: It's been so long since the last update that I've forgotten.

Cherry-sama: Kinda. You get paid fanfiction dollars.

OoT Link: Fanfiction dollars?

Cherry-sama: Well, I'm broke by myself, so they get paid in terms of fanfiction creditials.

OoT Link: That's so lame!

Cherry-sama: Tell that to the announcer that used to say the questions at the beginning of the chapters.

Announcer: _(is now a hobo)_ So…hungry…for credentials…!

Navi: Uhhh…

OoT Link: Eeveelover1824 also asks why we don't try and grow hair on our bald spots.

WW Link: We've tried…but we can't… _(sniffles)_

Cherry-sama: Yeah…some sort of genetic abnormality.

OoT Link: What?!

Cherry-sama: Er, next question!

Aryll: Quiet, you! The next question is for onii-chan's ally.

Navi: What?

Medli: Lysander Shado wants to know, apart from your super strength and finicky healing abilities, what else can you do?

Navi: I can keep Link from getting too distracted. I count that as a superpower.

Medli: Also, he wonders what kind of magic Ivan has.

_(WW Link, OoT Link, and Navi freeze. They stare at Ivan.)_

Ivan: Hiiii~

Cherry-sama: Oh ho ho ho! That's a secret…for now~

Aryll: AHEM?! _(pulls out tazer)_

Cherry-sama: Ahhh! _(winces)_

Medli: Also, Dia's in the other room. She says you need to give her writing tips 'or else'. She has a knife, by the way.

Cherry-sama: Eek! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I don't know anything! _(ponders)_ …But, if I had to recommend some stuff to check out, I think the Fanfiction Critic (one without glasses) has some pretty good arguments against bad fanfictions, and it might be a good idea to pick up this one book I have called _Shoujo Manga Techniques: Writing Stories_ by Mak Itsuki, which, while written for people who want to write Shoujo Manga, it has some very good general story telling tips, especially for beginners.

Aryll: That's not good enough! _(pulls out a scalpal)_

Cherry-sama: Ahhh!

Navi: Ugh. I hope you're not this negligent when you write the Twilight Princess Parody.

Cherry-sama: Actually… _(bites lip)_

Navi: Oh, you are not implying what I think you are implying. _(pulls out chainsaw)_

Cherry-sama: I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I know I've been promising Totally Screwed for many years, and been letting on that I would go onto at least two other Zelda games, but I don't think I have time anymore! I'm having trouble as it is, updating this regularly, and…well…I just do it for fun.

Navi: Oh, and these other, future projects, are not?

Cherry-sama: I don't get paid to write fanfiction.

Aryll: AH HA! So this is about money, is it?! _(whips out Cuttlefish)_

Cherry-sama: Ack! Kinda! Sorta! I'm sorry! But while I am grateful that I've learned so much from writing fanfiction, I'm going to have to move on eventually. I'm going to try my best to at least get this fic done, but stuff like my game, the Hunt of Orchid Village/The Albino Hunter, I plan to make a profit off of someday!

Medli: You're not making a profit off of that Patricia Patterson fanfic, but you still update that.

Cherry-sama: That's different. I finished writing all of the chapters for that last year.

WW Link: I can't believe that Cherry-sama doesn't want to write the Totally Series anymore!

Cherry-sama: Hey, hey! I do _want to _but I just don't think I _can_ anymore! Maybe I might have time again, one day, after I finish TB to come back to this series, but I've got a game to finish, and I want to get a webcomic up and running at some point! All the while balancing my stupid school life!

Navi: And your lazy attitude.

Cherry-sama: That too. The reason I didn't get to updating this chapter for such a while is because, while I was finished it most of it a long time ago, is because I ran into a patch of writer's block, and got my motivation stolen away by developing this game. And while I have ideas for the chapters to come, it's getting difficult to find the will to work on it.

Aryll: That is no excuse! _(lowers Cuttlefish towards Cherry-sama)_

Cherry-sama: Oh, Din! Not again!

_(A wall blocks the view.)_

Navi: Egads, that's so weird.

Medli: So, um…what are we going to ask the readers this time?

Hobo Announcer: How can we ask the readers anything after Cherry-sama dropped a bombshell like that?

Medli: Well… Oh! How about this: Before this fanfic ends, what would they like to see come out of it?

Hobo Announcer: I'd get my job back?

Cherry-sama: Arrgggh! Don't count on it! Nooo! Not the cuttlefish! Not the cuttlefish!

Ivan: Cuttlefish!

Cherry-sama: DON'T %$#& WITH THE CUTTLEFISH! _(gargles in pain)_

Medli: Please review…?


End file.
